Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996): Season 1, Episode 13 - My Johnny Lies Over the Ocean - full transcript

[Woman] Tonight on
Murder, She Wrote.

[Horn Blowing]

Was there some
problem with the wine?

I wouldn't know the difference
between a brut and a sangria.

Are you seriously suggesting that
someone is trying to kill your niece?

They call it "The Jinx Ship."

At this moment, I have
motive for killing you. [Chuckles]

I will show you my
hootchy-kootchy.

That's the one thing
I've been dying to see.

- [Screaming]
- [Man] What are you talking about?

Murder... most foul.



[Heartbeat]

[Heartbeat Quickens]

[Rapid Heartbeat Continues]

[No Audible Dialogue]

- Johnny!
- It's all right now, Pamela. I'm here.

Easy now. It's all right.

Lie down, dear. Lie down.

It's a dream. That's all.

Just a dream.

Dr. MacGill, I assure
you. I wouldn't be

releasing your daughter
if I didn't think it best.

Frankly, Doctor, this is
one of those rare occasions

when I wished I'd studied
psychiatry, not surgery.

I think you've handled
Pamela's situation beautifully.



Losing a husband to suicide
can be a wrenching trauma.

Your support has been
invaluable. But is she really well?

I'm not sure. But to keep her
confined any longer might be a mistake.

It could lead to a permanent
dependency on this institution.

No. No, I think this cruise
is just what she needs...

Two weeks of sun, fresh air...

and the companionship of this
favorite aunt? My sister Jessica.

From Pamela's description she
sounds like a perfect tonic. [Laughs]

Well, I'll promise you this. She won't
let Pam curl up in her cabin and hide.

[Both Chuckling] Dad!

[Chuckles] Hi,
honey! How's my girl?

- Just fine.
- [Both Exclaiming]

- Oh, you look beautiful.
- Thanks.

They take good
care of you? Yeah.

[Laughs] Oh.

Hmm. Smell that
clean air, darling.

Think of it... two straight
weeks of solid breathing.

You know, George, right now I'm
almost glad you talked me into this.

So am I. Listen. While you
take care of the luggage...

I'm just gonna call the
office. Oh, now, Andrea.

There may be an emergency.
Just one last call. That's it.

[Man] Hold it right there.
Pam. Pam, you're squinting.

Just lift your head
just... Just a little.

Oh. I'm getting lockjaw.
Take the picture, Marshall.

All right. Here we go!
Bang. That was a beauty.

What a relief.

Dad, I hope you don't freeze
over your patients like that.

It's a wonder any
of them survive.

I'd love to have one of the three
of us. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

Uh, would you mind
taking a picture of us?

Well, I'd be delighted. I'm
a dreadful photographer.

Thank you. What do I do?

Uh, well, there's nothing
to it. You just aim and, uh,

push this button
right here. Okay.

Thank you. Okay.

- All right, ladies. Lots of teeth.
- Which button?

- The one on the top.
- Okay.

[Marshall] Ready?
Okay. Now, just hold still.

One second.

[Laughing] Very good.

Well, that was nice. Thank
you very much. My pleasure.

Uh, this is for you. Oh.

- Dad, your good camera.
- Remember, I want lots of pictures
of the two of you.

And they've got developing
facilities on board,

and I've got some
extra film in your bag.

Okay. All right?

I'm gonna miss the two of you.

- I wish I were coming.
- Marshall, your patients come first.

Besides, this trip is for us
ladies only. Doctor's orders.

Yeah. Have a good time, Sis.

[Laughs] Take
care of my little girl.

Bye, honey. Bye, Dad.

[Tires Screeching]

[Ship Horn Blaring]

Oh, it's leaving! Oh, no!

My God, we have missed it! We
didn't miss it! Now, get the bags!

Hold it! Wait a minute!
Phoebe. [Horn Blaring]

I lost the tickets. You haven't lost the
tickets. I've got the tickets right here.

Pay the driver.
We'll settle up later.

I knew we shouldn't have
done this at the last minute.

Oh. Oh. [Shrieks] Wait!

I'll feel much better after I get my
hair done. You just had your hair done.

That was yesterday.

[Both Shrieking] Wait!

I want to put this roll
of film in for developing.

Yes. I'm going to the purser's
office to cash some travelers' checks.

I'll meet you in the cabin later. Okay.
Right. That's "A" Deck, Number 22?

Yeah, I think it's,
uh, up there. Oh. Oh!

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Oh, no. It was my
fault. I wasn't looking.

- Are you all right?
- Yes. Fine.

Well, then, uh, okay.

Very sorry.

Schoolteacher. Got to be.

You know, if I didn't love you
so much, I'd resent that remark.

[Laughs] I'll see you later.

Mrs. Fletcher, I was
so delighted to learn

that you were gonna
be joining us this trip.

I just hope I haven't
inconvenienced you too much.

- Pardon?
- Well, I'm sure that my publisher
used his influence...

to get us aboard this
cruise at the last minute.

I really hate that sort of thing, you
know, Cutting to the front of the line.

Well, please don't worry
yourself. I'm sure that

your publisher's influence
had nothing to do with it.

As a matter of fact,
we're only 90% booked.

Really? Well, this old
ship's just been refurbished.

We're a shakedown cruise. We were
only added to the schedule a month ago.

As a matter of fact, we
were taking on last-minute

passengers all the
way up to yesterday.

Well, I feel so much
better. [Laughs]

[Lock Rattling]

Well, we're all set...
Cash in the purse,

postcards for the relatives and
cookies for a midnight snack.

Sounds great. [Inhales Deeply]

[Sighs] What is it,
Pammy, darling?

What's the matter?

Oh, I'm sorry, Aunt Jess.

I started reading
Johnny's letter again.

It's the one he left when he...

[Clucks Tongue] I'm not sure
you should've brought that with you.

Oh, no. I keep it
with me always.

It's all I have left. I...

Oh, Aunt Jess.
Why did I fail him?

Pam, it wasn't your fault.

Johnny had financial problems.

I know. But he never told me.

[Sniffles] Oh, he
was so secretive.

For some reason, he was
afraid for me to share his life.

Some men find it difficult to
open up about personal matters.

Even the fact that
he was adopted.

Really? I never knew that.

Neither did I until four
months after the wedding.

His real mother was an
unwed teenager. [Sniffles]

She gave him up adoption.

He was so ashamed.
I don't know why.

It was typical of the way
he kept things bottled inside.

Oh, Pammy, you
can't blame yourself.

But I do! Don't you see?

I was his wife. We were
supposed to be a team,

like you and Uncle Frank.

It should've been
perfect! And it wasn't.

Oh, now, just a moment.

What is all this nonsense
about perfection in a marriage?

[Laughs] That is absurd. Yeah,
but you and Uncle Frank, you were...

Well, we were very happy, but we... we
had our problems just like anyone else.

You see, the truth is you
can be married to someone...

and think you know
them intimately.

And then... [Chuckles]

Well, it's hard enough to know
yourself, let alone another person.

I want you to read Johnny's
letter. Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't.

No. Aunt Jess, please.

I've never shared
it with anyone else.

[Knocking]

Who in the world can that be?

Buongiorno, Signora Crane. Uh.

Uh, I'm Mrs. Crane. Ah.

[Italian Accent] I am Ramon. It
would be my pleasure to serve you...

and your charming
sister during your voyage.

Oh, uh, that's very
nice. [Chuckles]

Do you wish me to open
it? No, no. No, thank you.

Uh, perhaps there's some
other, uh, way I may serve you.

Oh, maybe later. Of
course, later. [Snickers]

Until then, eh?

Ha. I'll flip you for him.
Heads, I lose. Tails, you win.

[Laughing] No. He's
all yours, Aunt Jess.

- Oh!
- Pam, what is it?

"Bon voyage, Pepper.
Have a lovely trip."

- "Pepper"?
- It was a pet name Johnny had for me.

No one else ever called me that.

Ah, ladies. Good evening. Hi.
Miss Carroll and Miss Raymond.

Ah, yes. Table 31. Ah, listen.

I don't know what
the table number is,

but... there's an Oklahoma
cattle king over there.

- Carla.
- Ah, yes.

You are embarrassing... Listen.

Maybe you wanna get stuck with one
of those stewards for two weeks. Not me.

I did not come here
for the sea breeze.

Table number 20 for the ladies.

Wait.

There's someone over there I want you to
meet. You table hopping already, George?

Mm-hmm.

- Excuse me. J.B. Fletcher, I believe.
- Yes.

George Reed, a devoted
fan of your considerable talent.

- How very kind, Mr. Reed.
- My wife, Andrea.

We've met. Hello again.

Oh, of course, the
picture at dockside.

- My niece, Pamela.
- Delighted.

Hello. Hello. Darling,
Mrs. Fletcher...

is quite a well-known
author of mystery novels.

Oh, how wonderful. George does all
the reading in the family. I'm too busy.

Would you like to join us? Oh,
no, no. We don't want to disturb.

I'm sure we'll see more of each
other over the next few days.

Oh, I'm sure we will.
Bye. Good evening.

Bye.

They seem very nice.
Maybe we should've insisted.

Well, if you're anxious
to have extra company,

what about, um...

- Oh, Aunt Jess.
- Oh, it's so terrible to eat alone.

Now, don't you go trying
to fix me up on this cruise.

Why, Pamela, dear, the
thought never entered my mind.

Oh, right. Well, shall
we look at the menu?

Okay.

Oh, God!

- Oh, this is insane.
- What is it?

Tonight's special...

"Chicken breast stuffed with
chopped walnuts, mushrooms...

- and covered with mustard sauce."
- Mmm!

This is it. Sounds delicious.

It was Johnny's favorite meal.

It was my recipe,
Aunt Jess. I made it up.

Pamela! Oh!

Something wrong, madam? Yes.
This-This... This entrée special,

whose idea was that?

Why, no one's. This must
be someone's idea of a joke.

This item is not on our menu.

My niece received
anonymous champagne.

Is there any way to
find out who sent it?

Well, if it was waiting in
your cabin when you boarded,

then I'm afraid it was
handled by our port people.

- No. It was delivered
after we were underway.
- Oh. Well, in that event,

it was ordered by someone
already aboard ship.

Let me check for you.

- Was there some problem with the wine?
- No.

At least, I don't think so.
We hadn't opened it yet.

Oh, yes. Here we are. Whoever
ordered it enclosed cash with a note.

And it's not signed.
May I see that?

Certainly.

I'm going to keep this.

[Voice Whispering] Pepper.

[Voice Whispering] Pepper.

Pepper.

Doggies! Oh, I
just love doggies.

When I was a little girl, I had a
cocker spaniel... cute little thing.

I think you misunderstand, ma'am.
Uh, "doggies" are unbranded calves.

Oh, right. Calves. [Giggles]

Cute little baby cows,
huh? Yes, ma'am.

Do you know, even if
you only lose a couple

a hundred of those
little critters a year,

that's still a lot of steaks and chops
by the time you get to slaughter. Right.

Uh, excuse me. Did you happen to
see a young woman pass this way?

It's my niece. She's
very pretty, blonde.

I remember... from the
dining room. That's right.

Mm-hmm. Golly, I'm sorry. I
haven't. [Woman Screaming]

Miss, are you all right?

She's alive. Someone
get the ship's doctor.

That's a bad cut, but
it could've been worse.

Yes, uh, now, Mrs. Crane.

You say that someone pushed you?

She's already told
us that, Captain.

Yes, I know that, Mrs. Fletcher. I,
uh, would like to hear it again, please.

I heard a voice. It
called out my name.

Yes. "Pepper"? Yes.

A pet name. At least,
that's what I thought I heard.

So I started up the stairs,

and when I got to the top,

I think someone grabbed me
and shoved me down the staircase.

- You "think."
- I mean, I'm sure.

Uh, at least, I was sure.

It happened so fast, I...

Captain, I wonder if my niece might
spend the night here in the infirmary?

Uh, just in case
of complications.

- It would be best. She lost some blood.
- Yes. Al... Very well.

I'd also like someone to be
in here with her at all times.

I will arrange that. Uh, yeah.

Then, I think you and I
should speak privately.

Yes. The handwriting
appears to be identical.

Either that, or it's
an expert forgery.

And the wine? Well,
it seemed all right.

But, quite honestly, I wouldn't know the
difference between a brut and a sangria.

- It wouldn't hurt to have it tested.
- What? Poison? [Muttering]

Mrs. Fletcher, we don't have
that sort of facility aboard.

Are you seriously suggesting...

that someone is
trying to kill your niece?

Well, I'll guarantee
she's being terrorized.

Good Lord. There's
680 people aboard.

Yes, but I think that we can narrow
the list down to likely suspects.

I mean, whoever is responsible
must have followed us onto this cruise.

Now, since I only made the reservation
on Monday, that's four days ago,

whoever's behind this
must've booked after that date.

Yes-Yes. Let me look
take a look at my records.

Amazing what computers
can do nowadays.

Yes. Now, here we are.

Seems to be about,
uh, a dozen names.

Uh, M-Mrs. Fletcher, I-I I find
myself in a very awkward position.

Uh, I'm quite concerned
about your niece's safety,

but I shudder to think how
my passengers might react...

if they thought that a... potential
killer was running loose, and, uh...

But my niece is the
only one in danger.

Captain, I want you to
put Pamela under 24-hour

protection as long
as she is on this ship.

- Yes, of course.
- [Ship Horn Blasting]

Oh, Mrs. Fletcher, we heard
about your niece. Is she all right?

Oh, yes. It was more a
fright than anything else.

- We heard someone
tried to push her overboard.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

She was climbing the stairs and
slipped, that's all. She's fine, really.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
Do give her our best. Please.

Oh, thank you. I will.

[Gull Squawking]

Maybe I left the
sanitarium too soon.

Maybe I'm still...
Oh, I don't know.

You're not the least
bit "I don't know."

Someone very real
is behind all this.

Then, someone did push me? Yes.

Now, I don't want to alarm you,

but it's preferable to
thinking you've lost your mind.

Have you noticed, Aunt Jess?
I think we're being followed.

[Laughs] Officer Morley.

You're not serious...
A bodyguard?

Relax and enjoy him.

Pam, could there be
someone... For whatever reason...

Might have blamed
you for Johnny’s death?

I mean, for example, what was your
relationship with his adoptive parents?

They're dead... A car
crash several years ago.

Oh. Well, wait a minute.

You said Johnny told you he was adopted,
that his mother was an unwed teenager.

Yes. But how could
he have known that?

I mean, those records are
supposed to be sealed, aren't they?

Yes. But Johnny heard from her.

From his real mother. Yes,
a couple of months bef...

Before he died,
she sent him a note.

I didn't know at the time.
He told me all this much later.

She wanted to meet him. He
went. She never showed up.

He never heard from her again. But
he never followed it up... on his own.

Well, he thought
about it. But I... I think

he was a little afraid
of what he might learn.

Mmm. So neither you
nor Johnny ever met her.

You wouldn't know what her
name was or what she looked like.

No. Why? Well...

Uh, excuse me,
Miss, uh, Mrs. Crane.

Hello. Yeah, I was... I was there
last night when you fell, and, uh,

I was just wondering,
uh, how do you feel?

Better. Thanks. Uh,
my aunt, Mrs. Fletcher.

- Russell Tompkins.
- How do you do?

We're just having a
constitutional. Would you care to

join us for a stroll around
the decks, Mr. Tompkins?

- Oh, well, I...
- Oh, of course you would. Come along.

Well, if I'm not
barging in. Oh, don't be

silly. We're delighted
to have your company.

[Chuckles]

Oh, dear! I've got
an appointment.

Ah, well, no matter. Uh, you
two wander along without me.

Aunt Jess. Have a
good time, children.

That's right, Marshall.
Johnny Crane was adopted.

I had no idea. Why
on earth didn't Pam...

Marshall, don't
talk, just listen.

You must find out when it happened,
the identity of his real mother...

and most important,
her current whereabouts.

- Aren't those records confidential?
- Well, they are,

but the situation
is extraordinary.

Never mind the details,
but if you and Judge Willis...

are still drinking
buddies, get him to help.

Yeah, I'll call him right
away. Oh, Jess, one thing.

It probably doesn't
mean anything, but Pam's

house was broken into
a couple of days ago.

Yeah, I checked the house this
morning. Nothing seems to be missing.

Uh, not even an old recipe file?

What? Never mind.

Call me back if-if
you have any news.

All right. Thank you.

Uh, now, forgive
me, Mrs. Fletcher.

Uh, this situation is becoming more
and more bizarre as it goes along.

Uh, what are you suggesting now?

That some deranged woman is
responsible for the attacks on your niece?

Well, that, uh,
is one possibility.

Good Lord. Nineteen years at
sea, the last four in command...

Captain, we can still function
with a minimum of fuss.

Now, if our terrorist is
Johnny Crane's real mother,

the woman would
be in her early 40s.

She'd also be one of the people
who had booked a late passage,

which narrows the list
down to three names.

Those two secretaries traveling
together and Mrs. Andrea Reed.

What? Mrs. Reed,
well... [Laughs]

she's a very shrewd
businesswoman.

I've known her for years.

She and her husband honeymooned
aboard last year on my ship...

Now, if she's
insane then I am too.

That's precisely what the Bordens
said about their daughter Lizzie.

Oh, uh... Oh, Mrs. Fletcher.

Uh, I have something you ought
to know. I believe that you have...

a fourth candidate who's
not on the passenger list...

Our purser, Miss Shelley.

Uh, her file lists her age at 43. A
t least, that's what she's told us.

- Yes?
- Well, three days ago,
our scheduled purser...

suddenly took ill, and she
volunteered to replace him.

And, as I recall, uh,

she was quite
insistent about it.

I take lessons twice a week,
but a black belt is a long way off.

My karate instructor considers
me a hopeless student. [Chuckles]

You're married, aren't
you? Why do you say that?

Oh, I don't know.
You seem the type.

Halt! Signora Fletcher! Signora!

I was bringing these to your
cabin. Signor... Signora Crane,

she put them in development
yesterday. Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

I did not see you, uh, at
the dance last evening.

I was most disappointed
when you did not appear.

Oh, how sweet. I
was, uh, indisposed.

I hope this evening you will
do me the honor... of one dance.

Perhaps some more, hmm?

I will show you my
hootchy-kootchy.

How did you know, Ramon? Mmm.

That's the one thing
I've been dying to see.

Oh, buongiorno! Buongiorno,
Mrs. Richardson! How are you?

Actually, my fifth wedding
anniversary's this Friday.

Or, uh, it would've been. My
wife divorced me six months ago.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay.

I, uh, write copy for
an advertising agency,

and, uh, it pays the bills,
but I-I I wanna do a lot more.

I've been trying for years to
write a book. That's wonderful.

I'm glad you think
so. Liza didn't.

It takes a lot of time, and, uh,
she didn't have the patience.

I mean, it's not her fault. That's the
way she is. Shortsighted and selfish.

[Woman On P.A.] Passenger Pepper
Crane. Passenger Pepper Crane.

Please report to the purser's
office. Passenger Pepper Crane... No!

Pamela, what's the matter?

No! Pamela, what is it?

Passenger Pepper Crane,
please report to the purser's office.

Why are you doing
this to me? Excuse me?

Why are you doing this?
Who's behind this sick joke?

- I'm sorry, Miss, uh...
- Pamela Crane.

Oh, Mrs. Crane.

Well, I don't anything about a joke,
but we did receive this telex for you.

Oh!

[Ship Bell Dinging]

Close your eyes, Pam.

Try to relax.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Please believe me.

She should doze off soon. I
gave her a very strong sedative.

Now, Doctor, Officer Morley is on his
way, and I want him here at all times.

No one is to come in or out, unless
there's an absolute emergency. Yes, sir.

Captain, I think we should
have a talk with Miss Shelley.

I volunteered for this assignment
for a very simple reason.

I needed an escape
from a difficult relationship.

- A love affair.
- Yes.

- The gentleman's name.
- Is that necessary?

It is.

Geoffrey Windom.

He's an attorney, but please don't
call his house. His wife will answer.

About this telex,
did you check it out?

Yes, sir. The message was
placed several days ago...

with orders to delay
transmission until this morning.

- The sender remained anonymous.
- [Knocking]

Come in.

Yes, Ramon? Sir,
Signora Carroll and Signora

Raymond are having
lunch in the dining room.

I was unable to locate Signora
Reed. She is not in her cabin.

Uh, thank you,
Ramon. That's all.

Very good, sir.

You may go too, Miss Shelley.
You understand, of course,

that we'll be checking out
everything that you've told us.

I understand.

Well, uh, Mrs. Fletcher, shall we
adjourn to the ladies in the dining room?

You know, Captain, you cut quite a
dashing if somewhat imposing figure.

[Laughs] Oh, imposing?
Well, actually, quite intimidating.

Oh, really? You know,
I... I was thinking...

that if I approach
the ladies alone,

if they did have
something to hide,

this gold braid might
be quite off-putting.

Oh, yes. Yes. I suppose.

[Chuckles] Uh, of course,
if you learn something,

you will apprise me.
Oh, yes. Of course.

[Chattering, Indistinct]

[Scoffs] All right, Miss Pig-out. Don't
ask to borrow my bathing suit. No way.

Listen, Phoebe. Stuff
it, will ya? That's cute.

I like that. Look who's talking?

I happen to be the victim
of a very tragic love affair.

Are you talking about
the king of the cowboys?

He was a jerk, Carla.

He was cute. And he was single.

There's a very
good reason for that.

- Listen, you are 44 years old.
- Shhh!

- Forty-four!
- I hate when you say that.

Nevertheless, when
are you gonna grow up?

The Love Boat sailed for me
and thee and long time ago.

Speak for thyself, Miss.

Hello. Hi. Hi.

Oh, my. That
looks delicious. It is.

Mind if I join you?
[Chuckles] Help yourself.

There's a whole tableful.
Thank you. [Chuckles]

You're Mrs. Fletcher, right?
Write books or something?

Oh, right. [Chuckles]
Oh, thank you very much.

I don't know about
you two, but, frankly,

I think this cruise
is the absolute pits.

Oh, yeah? Gee, I
don't think it's so bad.

You don't? You must be joking?

My cabin is drafty, the
thermostat doesn't work,

and half the time
there's no hot water.

The steward is very surly.
I think it's the, uh, jinx.

"The jinx"?

- Well, surely, you knew.
- What?

They call it "The Jinx Ship."

I mean, that's why
the ship is half empty.

That's why we were all able
to book at the last minute.

Your travel agent must
have told you. [Both Laughing]

Our travel agent. [Laughing]

Carla and I work for an
insurance company, right?

And every year, we
go someplace together.

Well, next year, we were
planning six weeks in China.

And, suddenly, our company comes to us and
says, "You can't save up vacation time."

Well, we had three weeks
saved. They said, "Use it, or lose it."

Well, that was last week. We
had till Friday to take our vacation,

or we had to turn back
three whole weeks.

Ha! We weren't about to do that!

That's why you
picked this cruise.

Well, it's the only one we
could get in such a hurry.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're gettin' stiffed,
but we're having a pretty good time.

Well, I'm delighted
to hear that. Hello.

Oh, Mr. Reed. I was
just looking for you. Oh.

Nice meeting you.
Well, same here.

Ladies. Hi.

He's very cute. Mm-hmm.

Mr. Reed, it's urgent
that I talk with your wife.

The name is George,
and Andrea's in the cabin.

She went there about
an hour ago to take a nap.

Oh, that's not so. They
checked, and she wasn't there.

She has to be.

I don't know why she wouldn't answer
the phone, unless she was in the shower.

She's not that sound a sleeper.

Andrea! Uh-uh,
don't touch anything.

Please, ladies and
gentlemen. Would you clear

the corridor? Please.
There's nothing to see.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Would
you give us your cooperation.

Good Lord!

Is she dead? Yes, sir.

I'd say about an hour. Her
body's already beginning to cool.

Here's the culprit...
Barbiturates.

She must've taken
the whole bottle.

- I thought you said she wasn't here.
- Uh, I-I'm sorry, sir.

I knock. When
there was no answer,

- I did not think to unlock the door.
- How long ago?

Uh, about an hour
and a half back, sir.

- Wh-Where's her husband?
- Oh, Signora Fletcher,
she took him back to her cabin.

"A" Deck, uh, Number 22, sir.

[Knocking]

Oh, come in, Captain.

Mr. Reed, I'm-I'm dreadfully
sorry. It-It... It's a terrible tragedy.

Thank you.

We found this picture clutched in her hand.
This is my niece with her late husband.

We also found those
hidden away in her luggage.

They were all
very similar, and...

all taken with a telephoto lens.

She must've been the
husband's real mother,

as you suspected. Mm-hmm.

There's more in that envelope. There's
a sample of Johnny’s handwriting...

and also a birth
certificate from the hospital.

Hmph.

Uh, Mr. Reed, uh, I know
how shocked you must be,

but, uh, is there
anything you can tell me?

The authorities will want to
know exactly what happened here.

I don't know very much, Captain.

Certainly, nothing
about... About this.

A couple of hours ago, we
were out sunning on the deck.

I realize, now,
Andrea was upset.

We-We heard the page asking her and those
other two women to come to your office.

For no reason, she suddenly
became very agitated.

Said she didn't want to talk
to anyone, especially you.

"Why not? “I asked her.

She wouldn't say. Said she was
going back to the cabin to lie down.

I... I volunteered
to go with her,

and she turned
at me with this...

look in her eye
of... I don't know...

Hatred, maybe even madness.

"No," she said. "You stay here.

I want nobody with me now."

And then, she walked away.

Did she say why?

Did she ever mention the
name "Johnny Crane"...

or his wife... Uh,
Mrs. Fletcher's niece?

No, no. Nothing.

We... We've only been
married a short time,

yet I thought I really knew her.

But this... [Knocking]

Ah, signora, excuse. Oh, Ramon,
really. We're very busy right now.

There is a phone call for you...
The captain's office, very important.

Yes.

Yes, Marshall. I understand.

And thank you. No,
no. We're-We're fine.

But I will call you from our
first port of call and fill you in.

Right.

Twenty-six years ago, my
niece's late husband, John Crane,

was born to a 17-year-old high
school student named Andrea Jeffries.

Jeffries... my
wife's maiden name.

Well, then that's it then.

We'll be in port first thing
tomorrow morning, Mr. Reed.

The authorities will take
charge of the situation.

I'm sure that they'll
ask you some, uh,

- routine questions.
- Certainly.

Uh, you and your niece as
well, I suspect, Mrs. Fletcher.

- Oh, of course.
- Captain, if you don't need me anymore...

Yeah, I understand, sir. Uh, I
will have our purser, Miss Shelley,

find another cabin for you to use
this evening. That's very thoughtful.

Mmm. Thank you.

[Door Opens, Closes]

Excuse me.

Oh, uh, Mr. Reed!

Is there anything I can do?

No, no. You've... You've been
terribly understanding, Mr. Fletcher,

considering everything
Andrea put you through.

Poor woman, carrying
around that secret,

letting it destroy her.

Well, I suppose once they find a
private detective and confirm the details,

the case will be closed. Private
detective? What are you talking about?

Well, the photos... the
person who took the

photos... I assume it
was a private detective.

I'm sure you'll have no
difficulty identifying him.

No, I-I'm certain Andrea
took those photos herself.

She was quite an expert
photographer, you know.

Now, if... you will excuse me.

Oh, Jess.

Oh!

Dr. Carmichael told me what
happened. That poor woman.

Then there's no mistake? She
was really Johnny’s natural mother.

Yes. She was. Oh, I
feel so sorry for her.

To be that unhappy to
do something like that.

Unhappy? Oh, not at all, child.

Andrea Reed was a bright, hard-working
woman who made a mistake early in her life.

But she didn't deserve
to be murdered.

Murdered? By who?

By her husband, Pam.

I'm just not sure
how to prove it.

What you are suggesting...

What you're suggesting is...
Murder. Murder, plain and simple.

Mrs. Fletcher, now even if
you were right about Mrs. Reed,

even if your accusations were
true, the situation is far from simple.

What you are asking me
is to take action in my-my...

My official capacity as
captain of this vessel. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm asking you
to detain George Reed...

until the authorities at our next stop
can place him under arrest. You...

You are asking me to risk
a multimillion-dollar lawsuit.

You have the authority, Captain, and
the responsibility. Madam, forgive me.

I-I have not risen
from deck steward to

captain by accusing my
passengers of murder.

You bring me the, uh,
flimsiest of evidence...

Mere speculation, really.
But I met the woman, Captain.

I talked with her.
She was not suicidal.

And you expect me to risk
my career on your suspicion...

that George Reed might
have murdered his wife.

[Chuckles] As her
husband, he'll inherit millions.

He had motive. Oh,
good God, woman.

At this moment, I have
motive for killing you. [Chuckles]

Well, resorting to personal invective is
no way to resolve this situation, Captain.

Mrs. Fletcher,
then let me be blunt.

Tomorrow, Mrs. Reed's body will
be turned over to the authorities,

along with my statement and whatever,
uh, evidence that we might have.

And until such time, I have no
intention of detaining George Reed...

nor confronting him
nor accusing him.

And I would appreciate it now
if you would leave my bridge.

Thank you. Uh, Mr. Jarvis,

continue full
ahead. [Bell Chimes]

To love, darling.

Love and good fortune.

Mmm. Yes, fortune,
particularly that.

What were the latest figures?

Thirty-seven buildings,
856 units, [Bell Chiming]

a 97% occupancy rate.

[Chuckles] How
delightful. [Knocking]

[Woman] George!

Oh, Georgie!
[Knocking Continues]

Yoo-hoo!

Hello, George!

Mrs. Fletcher, what
are you doing here?

I've come to look
the dragon in the eye,

searching, as it were,
for some sort of remorse,

some little hint of shame.

And, alas, what do I find?
Nothing but dark reflections...

of villainy. [Chuckles]
What are you talking about?

Murder, George. Murder...
[Chuckling]... most foul.

- I'm sorry, but I haven't
the faintest idea of what you're up to.
- Oh, of course, you don't.

Just like you didn't know what
your wife was up to with Pamela.

But then it wasn't your wife
who was doing it, was it, Georgie?

It was you and only you.

Don't you think you ought to go back to
your cabin and, uh, try to sleep this off?

- Excuse me, please.
- No, no!

Don't you want to
hear about my proof,

what I'm gonna tell
the police tomorrow?

[Drunken Gasp] You know,
you're gonna have to excuse me. I...

I've, uh... I've been
drinking a little, but...

when I thought of that...
That poor woman, oh!

[Jessica Gulping
From Bottle] Proof?

What sort of proof?

Well, the pictures, of course.
Remember when you told me...

what a... what a jim-dandy
photographer your wife was?

How she took all the pictures?

[Chuckles] Well, let me
tell you something, George.

Your wife didn't know a
Fuji from a firecracker. Ha!

Listen, I got... I got it
here. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I got
'em in here someplace.

Wait. Whoops. I've got the
picture, and I've got the negative.

Uhh, very important...
The negative.

[Cackles]

There. Your wife took
that of us on the dock.

Nice, huh? [Laughs]

You see how your wife knew nothing
about photography, George. Zero.

[Gleeful Chuckle] Wait
until the police see this,

and you try to convince them what
a fantastic photographer she was.

[Laughs] Mrs. Fletcher, there
is a reasonable explanation.

Wo-Won't you step inside?
I'll fix you a fresh drink.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Not on your life, buster!

I'm gonna take this picture, and
I'm gonna show it to my niece.

And after that, I'm gonna
show it to the captain.

And after that, you've had it!

Mrs...

[Camera Shutter Clicking]

Mrs. Fletcher! But who...

Did you get the picture?
A perfect shot, Aunt Jess.

And worth at least
a thousand words.

Mrs. Fletcher. Oh,
good morning, Captain.

Good morning. Well,
you'll be pleased to know...

that George Reed has made
a full admission of his guilt.

Well, I'm sure you're
as pleased as I am. Yes.

But I'm tempted to
reprimand Officer Morley for

the part he played in
last night's theatrics.

[Laughs] Oh, don't
be silly, Captain.

Your last orders to Mr. Morley
were to protect my niece,

and you never
countermanded those orders.

I mean, he was where she was.
Which just happened to be on "B" Deck,

trapping Mr. Reed into
revealing himself. [Both Laughing]

Oh, that poor woman.
I can't help but think...

if only we'd arrived
at the truth sooner,

we might have been
able to save her life.

No, I don't think anything could have
been done. He'd planned this for months.

Last year or shortly after they were
married, his wife told him of the, uh,

the son she had
when, uh, she was 17.

Case of too much candor being
fatal. Oh, well, he was after her money.

Yes, of course. And
divorce would not do.

Her fortune had been earned before she
met him and was not community property.

Mm-hmm. She had
to die in a way that...

would make him appear
blameless. Mm-hmm.

So he bribed a records clerk, he
wrote that note to Johnny Crane,

took the photos, and
was going to work...

his nightmarish mind-game
on Johnny... Johnny himself...

But he died before
he got the chance.

And then by the time he realized that
his scheme would work just as well...

if he terrorized your niece, she
had already entered the sanitarium.

Mm-hmm. And remained
there until just four days ago,

when she left to
accompany me on this cruise.

The champagne, the delayed
telex from port, phony menu...

All carefully planned
to make his wife look

like she's deranged...
out to kill your niece...

And then, having
failed, committed suicide.

[Inhales Slowly, Sighs]

Mrs. Fletcher, now
look here. I, uh...

I owe you an apology.
[Laughs] Oh, nonsense, Captain.

You've got a host of responsibilities
to consider. Well, nonetheless.

I-I... I should have
been more open-minded.

And to make
amends, I would, uh...

I happen to know of a magnificent
little restaurant here in port,

and, uh, would you, uh...

Would you do me the honor
of dining with me this evening?

Well, uh, that depends.

Uh, you're not planning to show
me your hootchy-kootchy, are you?

Definitely not...
Oh! [Both Laughing]