Mr Inbetween (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Unicorns Know Everybody's Name - full transcript

Hon, where are my keys?

On the table.

- Mm.
- Mine's gonna be better.

- Mine's finished.
- Keep dreaming.

Okay.
I'm off.

- Love you.
- Love you.

- See you soon, guys.
- Right.

Can I break this one?

Eh...
Don't.

Looks like a doggie.

♪ In an unguarded moment ♪



Fuck.

God.

Fuck.

Piece of shit.

That's a pistol right, okay?

Let's go.

In the boot, mate.
Open it, get in.

Better move.

Get in.

Head down.
Head down.

Thank you.

Oh, shit.

Out you get.

Let's go.



Round the front.

You got the wrong guy,
all right?

You're Luke Henson,
aren't ya?

Oh, shit.

I swear to God,
you got the wrong guy.

- Shovel.
- I swear.

Dig.

Who's paying you?

No, mate.

What are you doing?

The dirt's supposed to go
outside the hole, pal.

Huh?

Can I...
can I ask a favor?

No, you can't.

Have you got kids?
Huh?

I've got a family.
I've got two kids.

They aren't...

can you just not...

Can you just not bury me...
not bury me.

I gotta bury you, mate.

No, no, no, so they won't...

they'll know
what happened to me.

They won't...
they won't be left wondering.

Your wife knows
what you do, don't she?

Can I leave a note?
Can I leave...

can I just leave a note?

Just to say that I'm dead.

She'll put two
and two together, mate.

Just keep fucking digging,
will ya?

Don't look at me, cunt.
Look at the fucking hole.

Please, please,
please, please, Please.

Can you tell my family that I...

Dad.

Mm.

Sharny told me
that he's not real.

How would she know?

Her mom told her.

So is he real?

Um...

Santa's like a...
myth.

What's that?

It's like a...

like a tradition.

So he is real?

No, he's not, no.

So where do
presents come from?

- I buy them.
- So why'd you lie about that?

Good question.

I mean...

I don't even know where the
whole Santa thing comes from.

It must got to do
with Jesus being born.

Is Jesus real?

Yeah, look,
I never met the guy, but...

possibly.

What about
the Easter bunny?

No.

The tooth fairy?

Uh...

The tooth fairy's
not real either?

Mm-mm.

What about unicorns?

No, unicorns are real.

Really?
How do you know?

- I've seen one.
- Where?

Blue mountains.

So what happened?

I was driving.

I was driving...

through the mountains and um...

Yes, I needed to wee.

So...

when I got out...

I could hear this noise.

Like, um...

you know when a horse runs?

That noise.
And um...

Yeah, I'm standing there, like,
on the edge of this clearing.

And I can hear
this clip-clop noise

and it's getting louder
and louder.

Then I look up...

And on the other side
of the clearing...

there's this unicorn.

Were you scared?

Actually I was a little bit,
yeah.

Yeah, so I'm like...

standing there
and I'm looking at him

and he's looking at me...

And then he um...

he starts smiling at me.
Huh.

And then he winks at me.
He goes like that.

And he says...

"You take care, Ray."

And... then he flew off.

Wait.
How did he know your name?

Unicorn's know
everybody's name.

Fuck.

Dad, $1.

Champion and, in fact,

I did my sums wrong
before the break.

Joan's going home with
over $10,000 worth of prizes

for her five nights
here on the program.

Yeah, give her
a round of applause.

That's good.

You gotta go?

- No, not yet.
- So well done.

But you'd still like
to win today, wouldn't you?

- Oh, I love to win.
- It's easily done...

What's going on?

Nothing.

Spill it.

Gotta go to court.

Now?

Tomorrow.

What did you do?

Bashed a dickhead.

What happened?

I don't wanna talk about it.

How did they get you?

Rego.

Got a couple of witnesses.

What are you laughing at?

You're getting sloppy.

You can talk.

It's not the fact
that you get to see

all the pretty girls
taking a shower,

all though
that's pretty good...

It's that...
if I'm running late for work,

I don't have
to take one at home, you know?

Ray.

Ray.

What's going on?

- Hey, that guy, Henson?
- Yeah?

- He's not the guy.
- What does that mean?

Well, we thought
he was the guy.

The guy who killed Willie Keys.

See, Henson...
he owed Willie 60 grand,

so we thought it was him...

but it wasn't.

So I killed the wrong bloke?

Hey, look, mate.
I'm sorry.

What... we thought it was him.

What's the... what's the problem?

Next time make sure
you got the right fucking guy.

All right.

Can you wash
your hands first please?

- Yeah.
- And then we're gonna go

straight on to homework.

Luke said
to give this to you

if anything
ever happened to him.

What?

What... what do you mean?

So you been married?

- Engaged.
- Engaged.

But I was,
you know, 21, so...

- Mm.
- You know.

Dodged a bullet.

- Mm.
- You know.

You?

Married once, yeah.

Got a daughter.

What's her name?

Britt.

Brittany.

How old is she?

Eight.

So what's she into?
Horses?

Unicorns.

- Cute.
- Mm.

What else?

Extortion.

What?

She got this thing
if you swear...

she charges you a dollar.

Oh, yeah, like a...
like a swear jar.

Yeah but there's no jar.

Money just goes
straight in her pocket.

- Swear pocket.
- Swear pocket.

What's going on?

Sorry.
It's just a friend of mine.

She's having guy trouble.

Mm. What's happening?

Oh, no,
she's seeing this guy and...

I don't know, they're kind of
serious but she's thinking...

I don't know,
she's thinking maybe

he's not exactly
boyfriend material.

Oh, okay.

- What's wrong with him?
- Nothing.

I mean, I get along fine
and the sex is great.

It's just...

He's a bit shit
in the kissing department.

Oh.
Is that right?

Mm.

I think
you gotta find somebody...

like everybody's
got their own style.

- Mm.
- And you just gotta

find somebody
that fits your style.

Otherwise...

it's not gonna work.

♪ Time drips slow ♪

♪ It's gonna take its toll ♪

- Hey, Ray?
- Mm?

Yep.

♪ Oh, but this life
ain't like no other ♪

♪ I am falling
in the lie of the blue ♪

That style
all right for you?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Yeah, it's good.
Mm-hmm.

Hey.

So what's the story?

The doctor put him in coma.

They say
there might be brain damage.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on.
Come on.

He'll be all right.
Okay?

He's a fighter.

And he's gonna be fine.
Okay?

All right?

Hey?

So what happened?

These fucking cock fuckers.

They bash him.

We was doing deal.
They buy the guns.

Then these guys come in
and they bash Gary.

Take the guns.

So who were these guys?

I don't know.
They had mask on.

I can't see face.

You're doing a gun deal
with blokes with masks

- on their faces...
- No, no.

We do deal with guy.
I know this guy.

And while we do deal,
these other guys come in.

They bash Gary
and they take guns.

Okay.

So what's the name of the guy
you're doing the deal with?

Why you want to know this?

Why don't you wanna
fucking tell me?

His name is Hassam.

How come they didn't
bash you?

'Cause I didn't
have the guns.

They kicked me in balls.
My balls are killing.

You want to see? Huh?

Show you my...

No, I don't want to see
your fucking balls, you idiot.

Got one of the good though,

huh, one of the cock fuckers.

I punching him in...
his face.

You punched him
three times in the face?

- Right in the face.
- Oh, how's your hands?

- Your hands all right, mate?
- Yeah, they're good.

Yeah, okay.
Well, that's good.

'Cause I used to box
when I kid.

- Oh, did you?
- Yeah.

So I can punch him very good.

Yeah.
Nice. All right.

Thanks.

Wash your hands,
you dirty prick.

Oh, you scare
fucking shit of me.

What you do, Ray?

Take a seat, mate.

What fucking seats, huh?
You come into my house

and you tell me...

- Fuck off me, huh.
- Huh? What are you gonna do?

Let's go for a ride, mate.
Over here, dickhead.

- Stop.
- Come on.

- That's it.
- What the fuck you doing?

You going to fucking kill me,
Ray?

Huh? Man, I had nothing to do
with the Gary thing.

- Yes, you did.
- Yeah?

Prove it.

- See that hand?
- So?

Yep.

See that?
Huh?

That's what your hand
should look like.

Okay, okay.

Okay, I lied to you about that.

But everything else is true.
I swear on life of my family.

The fuck you doing?

Ray, Ray.
I'm Gary brother-of-law.

Okay, mate.

Here's how it's gonna go,
all right?

You start telling
the truth, okay,

or I'm gonna cut your dick off.

And then I'm gonna go
flush it down the dunny.

Okay?

You're gonna spend
the rest of your life

walking around with a stub
where your cock used to be.

Vasilli.
It's Hassam.

Come in.

Whoa.

Hands up.

Where's the piece?

Waist band.

On the bed.

Both of you.

Go on.

All right.
Start talking.

About what?

What do you think?

It was Vasilli's idea
in the first place.

Don't you lie, cock fucker.

He came to me
a couple of days ago,

said we should rip him off.

I didn't want them to bash him

but your friend's
got some balls and...

he put up a good fight,
you know?

So who bashed him?

Just...
guys I know.

They got names?

If I tell you...

will you kill them?

- Stop, stop, stop.
- What?

What is it?
Hey.

I think there's
something out there.

There's nothing out there,
baby.

Can you check?

Ah.
Ah.

♪ Games, if you want
I could show you ♪

♪ When the guns clack we
ain't got no time for combo ♪

♪ Talk's cheap when
the sun'll let the gun talk ♪

♪ Now you're screaming
come and save me ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm crazy ♪

♪ This is how you made me ♪

Ah!

♪ When the gun clack we ain't
got no time for combo ♪

♪ Talk's cheap when
the sun'll let the gun talk ♪

♪ Talk,
they talk ♪

♪ They talk ♪

♪ Yeah, karma, baby,
Now you're screaming ♪

♪ Come and save me ♪

♪ You thought
you could really play me ♪

♪ I'll take your life
and put a black rose ♪

♪ On your coffin, maybe ♪

♪ When you don't
show no respect ♪

♪ What do you expect
when I'm this crazy ♪

♪ Been thinking
the worst lately ♪

♪ I'm praying to God
but he won't save me, aye ♪

♪ Messin' with me,
that's a big no-no ♪

♪ I don't play games,
if you want I just show you ♪

♪ When the guns clack we ain't
got no time for combo ♪

♪ Talk's cheap when
the sun'll let the gun talk ♪