Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 3, Episode 6 - Symphony of Red Tape - full transcript

Hey, thanks, man.

You okay, buddy?

I'm okay, I'm okay.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.

Okay.

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that.

Okay.

Yeah, working with
Andrew Walsh was great,
it was smooth and...

Okay, yeah, just give him
a call and, um...

we'll take it from there.

Thank you.



Fuck!

Dude.

Oh, my God,
I've missed you so much.

Ditto.

Why are you screaming "fuck"?

Oh, I was just, like,
this close to getting
a sub gig in Houston,

but it turns out that
Andrew Walsh just, like,
knows everyone, so...

So you're secretly stoked
you won't have to
mess with Texas?

I appreciate you.

What's up with the outfit?

So I got really into
this 1930s Czech composer

named Vítêzslava Kaprálová.

She happens to look
exactly like me.

I started singing
some of her songs
and they're...



They really got to me, so, yeah,

I'm dressing like her now.

Of course you are.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.
And I bought, um,
a dive bar...

- What?
- With the rest of
my uncle's money, yeah.

And I'm turning it into
a 1930s Czech speak easy.

- So, you're a bar owner.
- Yeah.

And now you're dressing like
a dead Czech lady.

Yeah.

How long have I been gone?

This is the one.

Sublet, sweet sub...
Hello.

Are you Shawn?

Oh. Sebastian said, um...
Well, I thought that

you were gonna be in Prague.

Uh, Prague didn't happen.
Come in, come in.

Okay.

He told me not to come,
but it's fine.

It'll be great to have
someone to talk to.

Welcome to the Ferndale.

So this is the gallery space.

And this is
the performance space.

Wow.

And...

do you notice any resemblance?

Yeah.

She was, like, 25 when she died.

Oh.

How much shit she wrote.

Orchestral suites,
Czech art songs.

I would love you
to do something
for the opening,

some oboe piece or something.

Yeah. Maybe.

This is...
Where is it?

This is the one
that I'm working on.

I guess everyone knows now.

Well, I think that's
the least of your worries,
darling.

Ha. I'm just going to keep
a smile on my face,

and everything will be fine.

Good, that's what you always do.

- Maestro.
- Bob. How are you?

- Great, sir. How are you?
- Wonderful to see you.

- Maestro, welcome.
- Oh, how nice to see you.

Did you have a good summer,
everyone?

Oh, it was a little slow.

- You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.

- Are the happy couple...
- Thomas.

Listen, I think we're gonna
get this settled.

Thomas.

Yes, darling, coming.

- Hello.
- Tanya: Hey.

- Hailey.
- Hi.

- Welcome home.
- Oh, thank you.

Is the Maestro coming?

Uh, no, he just
kind of disappeared
after the concert.

What's his thinking
about the lock out?
Is he gonna help us?

Uh, hi.
Um, I don't know.

Nice to see you guys, too.

Dee Dee.
I had no idea.

Pastor Dee Dee of
the online Church of
the Collective Creator.

- Nice bangs.
- Thank you.

And look who's back from Hawaii.

Oh, what was it like
playing with
the Honolulu Phil?

- Dreamy. Hey, kid.
- Hi.

Oh, great cameo. Loved you
flailing around on stage.

- You saw that?
- The whole world did,
sweetie.

Where are you going?

Back in a second.

- Betty.
- Darling.

Missed you.
Missed you too much.

Ohh, precious.

Aloha, sweet baby.

- Do you want to hold him?
- Oh, fuck, no.

Management on one side,
us on the other.

I see nothing's changed.

The bird is ready to fly.

Treat her well. Okay?
That's all I ask.

What? It's supposed to be
a coded conversation.

- I say the bird's
ready to fly, you say...
- The bird...

- Falcon.
- Falcon, yes.

Not bird, falcon.
The falcon has left
the nest.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Um, and yes. Of course,
I'll treat her well,

not that it's
any of your business.

Maestro. Love that
eraseface song.

Welcome to earth, motherfuckers.

Number one in Korea.

Hey, look.
The godfather's
in the house.

Hey.

- Come on down, Maestro.
- How are you, man.

- Good to see you, man.
- Good to see you as well.

- Hai Lai.
- Hey.

We have to talk, eh?
We have to talk.

Yes. Hey.
Hey. Hello. Hi.

Maestro, Maestro,

we're planning a
solidarity concert.

- Will you join us?
- Vivalio. Vivaldi.
Oh, I like this. Hey.

Thank you for coming back.

- Thank you for
coming back, Maestro.
- No problem.

Your old room is waiting.

Actually, he's bunking
with me, so...

- An interesting idea.
- You are?

Yes, the... Where...
Where's the baby?

Where's the Ba...
Oh, hey, the baby.

Yes, of course.
Yay!

Hey, how are you?
Okay? Yes? Good.

- Here's your goddaughter.
- Thank you very much.

Thank you.
Yes, please.

Oh, yes, I have her.

- All right.
- Yes. Hey.

Okay. Wow,
she's grown so much.

- Yeah.
- Wow. Okay. Well, everyone,

Artists, management,
welcome, welcome.

Sit down. Take a seat,
take a seat, take a seat.

Let's do this. Okay,
we are gathered here today

for this beautiful Olivia.
Hm? Yes?

Who, eh... Oh!
We're also gathered here today
for the beautiful parents,

Virgil, who works with
the numbers,

and Christophe,
who works with the violin.

They are both
the most important
for this baby.

Olivia, she comes to
the world as a new song.

You know?
Played for the first time.

She's like music.

Every time she cries,
or she laughs,

she takes us to a place that
we don't know the name of.

Christophe, can you hold her
by the feet, please?

- Sure.
- Yes, yes.

And Virgil, can you
hold her by the hands?

- Oh, yeah.
- Please. Yeah?

You have the baby?
You have the baby
in your hands?

Now pull her apart!

- Oh.
- Tear her into two pieces.

'Cause that's what you've
all done with music!

What the hell is he doing
with my granddaughter?

No, don't worry,
don't worry, Grandfather.

Don't worry.
They won't hurt her.

Because they love her.

You don't hurt the thing
you love most. Right?

You're damn right there,
Maestro!

Thank you, Maestro, thank you.

And I'm sorry
I abandoned you all.
I'm sorry I left you.

I went away.
I went away because

I couldn't put myself to
conduct this horrendous score,

the symphony of red tape.

I think we all understand
and appreciate the message.

Certainly, but it's more
complicated than that.

It's simple, it's simple.
I'll make it very simple.

In this place, in this church
today, right now,

with this amazing priest
and this beautiful baby,

we will solve the lock out
with a locking you in.

What's he talking about?

- Yes.
- I never really know.

If you don't make a deal
by today...

- I quit.
- No, please don't.

- Please, please don't.
- Yes, I quit. I quit.

I... Ciao, Rodrigo,
ciao, ciao, ciao, yes.

But, if you do reach a deal,

then you have me.

For whatever you want.
You know?

As long as you want.
Okay?

Right. Everyone,
friends of the family
and family themselves.

Please, if you wouldn't mind

following Pavel
out to the courtyard,

where we have prepared
a beautiful buffet.

And martinis for you all.

Well, what about the ceremony?

- Oh...
- Mother of Virgil,
don't worry.

Don't... No, no,
because,

I mean, we can't have
the christening in this...

In this atmosphere of
hate and division, can we?

I think you're right, Maestro.

Good, then.
Members of the orchestra
and management,

please stay here.

Everyone else, come on,
let's clear the church
right now.

- Rodrigo...
- Let's go, everyone.

Rodrigo, there are
no lawyers here.

I don't know how we can
continue and make this...

She's right, she's right,
it doesn't work like this.

You see, you both
are agreeing already.

That's fantastic.
That's a great start.

So you're in on this.

I'm sick and tired of
this lock out bullshit.

Nonetheless,
both of you maestros

understand
what the problem is...

The problem is money.
Money, money, money,
it's always money, right?

Yes. So, you know what,
for the pot,

I will add
all my earnings I did
in the Venice concerto.

And I made a lot of money
for that.

I will cut my fee to
half of whatever Pavel makes.

Do... Do you know how much
Pavel makes?

No.

After tax.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Oh. Okay, well,
we'll manage, we'll manage.

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

If you excuse me,
I have to leave now.

- I'm gonna watch a show.
- Where are you going?

I'm gonna see a show.

A bubble show.

You can't leave us here.

You have your mission,
I have mine.

- Ciao, Rodrigo.
- Wait.

I need you to
help me out with this.

I'm not even really
in the orchestra.

- We have to talk,
you and I...
- Rodrigo.

- We have to talk.
All right? We'll talk.
- Rodrigo. Come on.

We'll talk later.
I'm sorry, Hai Lai.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry but it had to be done.

- It's locked.
- Yes,
I just said that.

- You ready?
- I'm ready to step down.

- What? Why?
- She and I won't get there.

It's too personal.
It can't be me leading this.

We need someone smart,
aggressive, conniving.

Fine. I'll do it.

- Bob, sorry, no.
- What?

Betty.
Hey, Betty.

Betty.

Okey dokey.

I'm on it.

Windsor.

Betty.

I never really hung out
in church much.

I hear there's supposed
to be wine somewhere.

Uh-huh.

So at first, he was
my meditation teacher,

but then we just wound up
having a lot of sex.

Ooh, my kind of priest.
Cups?

Will these do?

Honey, I could drink
out of a shoe.

Bring 'em here.

Okay, first thing
we have to do is

we gotta call
the reception place,
and we gotta cancel.

Can we just try to be
Zen about this?

I'm sorry,
I think I'm being
quite Zen right now.

- I think you're panicking.
- I'm not... I'm not panicking.

I'm... I'm being functional,
I'm trying to help out with...

Hey! It's Polka time!

Pavel.

Can you do something about this?

- No, I'm not...
- Can you do something
about this?

- No, no, no. Keep going.
- No, that's okay.

Just something that was
buzzing around my head
in Venice, you know.

Oh, it...
It doesn't matter.

Hey, um...

I just wanted to...
to thank you for stepping in...

with the orchestra.

I was clearly in over my head.

Oh. That's fine.
My pleasure.

You know, I'm...
I'm half embarrassed
to say this, but...

I once pissed my pants

conducting a full
orchestra rehearsal.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

Of course,
I was drunk at the time.

Out of my mind on coke.

And I leaned over to
the first viola player,

beautiful girl that
I was running around with
at the time,

and without missing a down beat,

I whispered to her,

"I've pissed my pants,
haven't I, darling?"

And she whispered back,

"Maestro, you're not
wearing any pants."

I suppose the moral
of that one is,

we have to celebrate
our failures.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll
piss myself one day
in second chair.

Oh, now, come on.

Are we supposed to
feel sorry for you
or something,

or you think you're gonna be
handed the baton?

And told, "Woo, look here,
she's a genius."

No, that's not
what I was looking for.

- I...
- You know, from what
I've noticed,

you're a half decent
oboe player.

And that's the story.

Maestro, with all due respect,

I've just been doing
what my conductors

have been telling me
I should do,

which is basically
be their assistant
or be fired,

so...

Are you going to accept that,

or do you have something to say?

Can you help me?

So that's an impasse.

Then prost.

- Ah.
- Ugh.

You're a tough negotiator.

Well, I've been through
four divorces.

Well, I've broken off
three engagements.

So I guess we're just
two fucked up broads

who are never gonna find
a solution to any of this.

Shall we try again?

Three... percent
on pension.

Three and a quarter.

You really want to have
another toast?

Fine.

Okay.

I heard you.

Hello?

Hello.

How'd you get in here?

I know everything.

All the little
secret passages
in this building.

I know it.

How can I help you,
Mr. DeSousa?

The New York Symphony Orchestra.

My family.

We need our home.

- No go.
- No go?

Those are very big...
two little words, no go.

I have a family, too.

If your family moves in,

my family moves out.

That breaks my heart
because it's two families.

No?
And two parents.

Both of our families
need a home.

How can we put
two bubbles in one?

You know, like,
put the music bubble

inside the bubble
of the bubbles.

Know what I'm talking about?

Okay, let me show you,
let me show you.

One bubble inside
the other, you know?

One is music,
and the other is the
bubble of bubbles.

Okay... Uh, no.
Okay, wait.

Wait a minute.
It's about to be there.

Okay. No.
There, you see?

But they don't exist
within each other.

Like this?

Melody.
How did you do that?

That's incredible.
Wow!

Melody, that...

That's impressive, yes, exactly.

That's even beyond
what I imagined.

Which one is the music?

Okay. Melody,
the bubble can hold us both.

Maybe you can rehearse
during the day.

We'll just need the stage
every night.

And one more thing.

Bubbles are not empty.

They're filled with everything.

35... 36.

I'm okay with
those insurance cuts

if you contribute to dental.

Look at these numbers,
they're terrifying.

We're toxic to donors,
we're toxic.

I'm giving you
everything you need.

But...

I still think we may be
dead in the water.

You know why I broke up
those engagements?

Because for 35 years,
this orchestra has been
my husband, my kids.

I missed vacations,
holidays, weddings,
funerals.

I never traveled anyplace
that my oboe didn't take me.

I love this fucked up orchestra.

I'd take a bullet for it.

That's what I'm offering.

You want me to shoot you?

I want you to listen to
what I have to say.

It feels strange not to be
in there with them.

You know what you need?

When was the last time
you did something really fun?

I honestly have no idea.

Well, maybe if, um...

If we get out of here
tonight, I could...

You know, that looks like fun.

I was thinking more...
No, but okay.

Okay, uh... Yeah.

Sorry.
Could you actually
just bring out

the A in the tenth measure?

Bring it out?

Oh, yes, sorry.
Um...

Oh, please, please.
Ugh. Don't do that.

- What?
- Um, well...

You know, you have to
command the room.

And when you were in Venice,
I noticed it was the giggle.

That little giggle,
I think it killed you.

- Sorry.
- Uh!

You're being too nice.

Okay, I disagree,
because I don't think

that you have to be a dick
to be a great artist.

By all means,
you can be pleasant,

but your players
want to be told what to do.

Okay, I get it.

- Okay.
- All right,
from the same spot.

Mm-hm.

Faster.

Okay, let it go.
Let it go.

- Yell it.
- Faster!

Yell it.
Let it go!

Faster, you dumbass!

Hey! Come on!
This is shouting!

Shout! Shout!
Come on!

Faster, dumbass!

Faster, you dumbass!

No giggling!

All right.

Now, stop asking for permission.

Get yourself some musicians,

a piece of music,

and just conduct.

Okay?
And if you do,

I'll come and see you.

We did it!

- We did it!
- Yeah!

Just one.

Oh, yeah.

Over the next five years,

management will increase
cost of living

1.5 percent per year.

- What happened to two?
- Nice one, Betty.

Hey. Get over here
and read this one,

you tall freak of nature.

"The number of tenured
players will be sunset

"in the coming year."
What does that mean?

It means I'm gonna retire.

- What, Betty?
- Boohoo, I know, I know.
You'll get over it.

Three of us are gonna
have to step down to
make all of this work.

- Wait, what? Who?
- We need to figure that out.

But, as part of the agreement,

Betty is moving on to represent

the players' interests
on the board.

Yes! You guys did it!

Yes!

- Yes!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,

we're still working out
the details,

and we still have to call votes,

but... but we're headed in
the right direction.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

Where are we gonna perform?

Guys, I just got
a really brilliant idea.

.srt Extracted, Resynced by
Dan4Jem, XII.MMXVI