Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 3, Episode 4 - Avventura Romantica - full transcript

We got a special treat
for you tonight.

Our original bassist
and founding Stain,

Cynthia Taylor's here tonight.

1, 2, 3, 4...

♫ I looked at you
and I saw trouble ♫

♫ And I came running
on the double ♫

♫ I made myself
somebody's breakfast ♫

♫ So comfortable
upon that plate ♫

♫ Ah-ah, ah-ah ♫

♫ I do not know
where this began ♫

♫ But I'm out of
this flight to hell ♫



♫ Ah-ah, ah-ah ♫

♫ Ah-ah ♫

Hey.

Just like old times, right?

Huh.
Yeah, minus the rage.

That's true, we were both
fuckin' maniacs.

What's wrong with
your hand?

Tweaked it.

Can I get you a drink?

No, I'm good.
I'd love to,

but I've gotta wake up
with the kids.

It's good seeing you, Cyn.

Yeah.

All right!
Nailed it.



Ah-ah! Ah-ah!

- Did you?
- Yeah, of course.

Last call.
Last call for drinks.

- You were amazing.
- It was only five chords.

It's not exactly Mozart.
Let's go someplace else.

Where to?

I have an idea.
Come on.

- Come on.
- We're taking the Uber.

- Oh.
- All right.

Shh. Okay?
Shh, shh, shh.

They didn't change the locks.

- Shh.
Dee Dee,
you got anything?

- Absolutely.
- Go on in.

Tanya.

- There it is.
- Wow.

- Home.
- Wow.

I've even got
the whiskey.

- Dee Dee.
- Yeah.

What was
the name of that guy,
that trumpet player

- that subbed?
- Which one?

The one...
Big blond guy...

Terrible flatulence.

Himmelfart.

He... Only man in the world
who could blow a trumpet
out of his ass.

See that?

- What's his real name?
- Himmelfarb.

- What?
- Thomas J. Himmelfarb,
London Philharmonic.

Wh... How did you
remember that?

I slept with him.

- Oh, gross.
- God, really?

- Real cute.
- Oh, yeah. Cute.

One of my girls called me
a loser yesterday.

Oh, man. I'm sure
she didn't mean it.

Oh, no.
She definitely did.

- Dee Dee,
how you doin' anyway?
- Everything's good.

And my wife just, uh,
kicked me out.

- What?
- Oh, Dee Dee.

It's okay.
There's a... There's
a gas station nearby

that has a very,
very nice bathroom.

- I'm reliving my 40s.
- All these different people
getting into my car.

It just... It's a reminder
of how connected we all are.

You know, it's really nice.
It's actually pretty cool.

- That's cool.
- Yeah. And, um...

- I met a nice woman.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, she only had a 4.6.
- I'd never say it, but

- Virgil goes to work...
- I think it's because
she drank a lot of water...

And I'm just there
with the baby.

I want to scream.

Oh! Shh, shh.
Be quiet.

Hi, honey.

No, no, the concert's over
and I'm at a bar.

Well, it's a silent bar.

- Yeah, it's a trend now.
- Fuck!

- Oh.
- Shh!

They allow dogs in here
it turns out.

- Gah! Get out!
- Oh, shit.

- Damnit!
- Warren, you okay?

Warren.

Uh, losing service.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna
have to call you back.

- Bye.
- Uh-oh.

- Interlopers!
- Warren. Oh, my God.

- No, no, no, no!
- Warren, stop this.

- Oh, my...
- They don't belong here!

The bubble machine
is not the problem.

- Turn that off.
- Gazillon bubble show.

- Dee Dee, what are you doing?
Featuring
Melody Yang.

- All right, I'll get it.
- Get up, Bob.

Turn the lights on,
maybe that'll help.

I know where the lights are.

That was the fire alarm!

- Come on.
- Ah, and now goes
the sprinklers.

Can you turn it off?

Warren, baby, we gotta go.

- Warren, come on.
- It's time to go home.

- Tanya, this way,
come on guys.
- Dee Dee.

- Come on.
- Let's go, go,
we gotta go.

We gotta get out.

I don't want to move my head,

because I was just...

I was just dreaming
what we did last night.

I've been dreaming about it
all the time,

and I go over and over it again.

It was...

You are okay?

Alessandra?

Alessandra?

Oh.

Alessandra?

- Buon giorno.
- Buon giorno.

Hey, Alessandra...
Hai Lai...

- Yeah?
- Have you seen Alessandra?

Uh, no, I thought that
she was coming with you.

No, no, she's not
coming with me.

I don't know.

Hey, buon giorno, Vlad.
Alessandra?

- Andata.
- Andata? Andata?

- Putamadre, andata?
- What's andata?

- Ai.
- What's andata?

Ai.

Okay, fine, I can Google it.

- She's gone.
- She's gone?

Oh, fuck.

Putamadre.

- Maestro.
- Si.

We are ready to begin.

Si, Si, Si, Si.

Si.

You!
What have you done?

- Where is she?
- She left in the boat.

What did you do? Huh?

You made love to her.
After I told you no fornicata,

please, no fornicata,
and you did fornicate,
didn't you?

Who uses that word anymore?

Nobody. Right?
Nobody.

And Si. Si,
andiamo fornicato,

but it was beautiful.
It was mature,
it was eccentric,

it was athletic,
it was artistic!

You should have seen it,
it was incredible.

What's the problem with that?

I should have told her
the moment she said your name.

No! Not that one!
Anyone else!

He's a devil
with beautiful eyes!

Why are you so dramatic?

Why? Why, why,
why, Hai Lai?

Why am I surrounded by
these dramatic people
all the time, why?

Okay. All right.
Come on. Get up.

Get up. Come on.

Maestro, Maestro,
I am very sorry but
we must rehearse.

- Why?
- Just breathe.
Just breathe.

- Ai... Ai!
- Did you really
sleep with her?

- Of course I did!
We just slept once!
- Okay. Okay, no...

- What's wrong with that?
- Nothing. Nothing's wrong
with that.

- There's nothing wrong
with that, right?
- Nothing's wrong with that.

I mean, what's wrong is
the... this thing of, like,

you... you can't do this,
you can't do this shit.

What are you, her father?

No.

I'm her husband.

- What?
- Yeah!

For two weeks 15 years ago.

The marriage was annulled, eh...

She changed her mind.
She's like that.

But that is not the problem.

The problem is when
she makes love.

She loses her voice.
Capito?

How?

- Ha...
- You have to get her
to come back.

I don't care about the money.

She is the only thing
I care about.
She has to sing.

She never going to be happy
if she doesn't sing.

Yes, yes, okay, Beppi.
Where would she go if
she was running away?

- Torcello.
- Torcello.

The place where
she grew up is there.

I will find you a boat,
but hurry, eh? Hurry.

Okay, okay.
Vamos, Hai Lai.

Okay, okay.

- Maestro.
- Si.

- We are ready.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

No.

Comañeros, I'm... I'm in
a little bit of a...

of a situation right now.

So I have to be absent
for a few minutes, okay?

But I leave you in
the capable hands
of my associate,

Hai Lai Rutledge.

Okay, she's very good.
Come, come, Hai Lai.

Yes. She's very good.
She plays with the blood.

- She knows
what I want. Ciao.
- I do? Okay.

- Yes.
- No, I'm not ready for this.

Hai Lai, what?
Yes, you are.

You wanted an opportunity,
okay, you have to take it.

This is the type of
opportunity you need, okay?

- Take it. Take it.
Come on.
- Can you just give me a...

- a slight bit more detail
about what...
- Okay, okay.

It has to be very staccato,
you know?

It has to be like
the wings of, um... um...

- Of a hummingbird.
- No, no.

- Hurry, please.
- Si, Si, Si. Si, Si.

- Of, um...
- Of a plane?

- No, no, okay.
In the piu animato...
- Okay.

- To the presto, okay?
It has to be tight.
- Okay.

- It has to be together, okay?
It can't be separate.
- Okay. All right.

- All right? And in bar 129...
- Oh. Ah! Rodrigo, thank God.

- Gloria. What the...
- Thank God, Rodrigo,
things are spiraling

- What are you doing here?
- dangerously out of control.

Out of control completely.
I have to go. Sorry.

- Yes, it's very dangerous.
- No, no!

Hello, Gloria.
Okay, so wait.

- The piu animato
to bar 129...
- Ah, yeah, 129, okay.

Just... You can do this,
Hai Lai, everything is in
my score, okay?

Just try to make it, like,
as French as possible,

like trying to pretend
to be Spanish, okay?

- A French person...
- A French person trying
to be Spanish. Okay.

- Okay, okay. Bye-bye.
- What's all this kerfuffle?

- Maestro.
- Ha. Ha. Ha!

- A mano.
- So good to see you.

- Yeah, I... I...
I have a thing tonight.
- Si, Si, Si. Si.

- Yes.
- I did try to call you
about this.

I heard about it,
but I have to go
because I have a...

- Diva on the loose.
- Rodrigo, stop running,
you bloody wanker!

Wanker?
What's a wanker?

You know perfectly well
what a bloody wanker is,
you bloody wanker.

- What? What the...
- Rodrigo, please!

- Vai, vai, vai!
- You have to come back.

The family is dying.

If there is no music,
there is no family.

The family's broken,
the spell is broken!

No! No!
What do you mean
the spell is broken?

Follow that boat.
Follow that boat.

The spell goes on and on
and on, Rodrigo, please,

- you have to come back!
- ♫ La Donna e mobile ♫

- ♫ Quai piuma Al vento ♫
- Stop! Stop!

Sit, sit. Sit right...
Sit, sit there.

Rodrigo. Stop!
If you don't come back,

I'm going to resign!

I don't believe you.
I don't believe you, Gloria.

- I don't believe that.
- I may do worse.

I agree.
He is a bloody wanker.

Do I know you?

Rodrigo, I came
all the way from New York
to talk to you.

Presto, presto!
Presto!

Hello.
So, uh, the Maestro
just briefed me,

and he...
he told me everything
that I need to know,

so, um, yeah,
I just want to say, um...

It's a real honor to be
in front of a group of
such outstanding musicians.

Excuse me,
which piece are we
to start with?

Oh, um,
"Chanson Boheme."

And we practice with La Fiamma?

Uh, no, we can't, actually,

because we need to do this.

- And where is she?
- Um, it's actually
really good

that we have this opportunity,

because we have
this whole musical intro
before the vocal melody.

If we could do it this time, um,

like, uh, very light,
uh, very fast, like...

like a hummingbird.
Like a...

Perhaps, young lady,
we try first,

and then you adjust?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Sorry.

Okay, huh?
All right.

1, 2, 3,

- 1, 2, 3,
1, 2, 3...
- ♫♫

1, 2, 3,
1, 2, 3,

1, 2, 3,
1, 2, 3,

1, 2, 3,
1, 2, 3,

1, 2, 3...

Okay, okay, uh,
let's stop, actually.

That was great.
I think, though,

that we can be
lighter and faster,

um, more bird-like,
and also, uh, French.

Like, just more French.

Okay.
Um... all right.

- Everything okay?
- Yeah, absolutely fine.

Okay, cool.
Let's do it again.

1, 2, 3,
1, 2, 3,

1, 2, 3,
1, 2, 3...

Uh-uh, stop, stop.
It still feels a little slow.

Um... Hey, uh,
can I actually
borrow your oboe?

Miss America,
Miss Mickey Mouse...

She said she understands.

I heard Mickey Mouse.
Okay.

You know what?
Let's come back to this.

Um, okay,
so we are going to
skip ahead to the coda.

Let's take it from piu animato,

uh, figure number 13.

Okay?

All right.
1, 2,3...

Okay, um, yeah, let's stop.

Stop. Stop.

Okay, can we stop?
Guys, stop.

Okay, listen to me.
Guys, can you please
listen to me?

Will you please listen to me?

I really don't want to be
yelling right now.

Please listen to me!

Do me a favor and
please take this from me.

I have no fucking idea
what I'm doing, okay?

You've been bloodied.
Happens to everyone.

Hey, get right back up there.

Silencio!

Right.

This is one of my
favorite pieces.

Please try not to ruin it.
Are we ready?

What's your problem?

Every time you try to conduct,

the musicians just stop playing.

Why did this one stop singing?

Is it because you're
such a terrible lover?

Mm, no, it's actually
because of the opposite.

Yeah. But you...
you wouldn't know,

you wouldn't know
about these things.

I do know,
and I tell you one thing.

If this concert doesn't happen,

none of the guys
are gonna trust you
to conduct their work.

Which guys?

You know.

Like, you mean, "the guys"?

We all talk.

Mirdra.

Alessandra!

Alessandra.

Alessandra.
Hey.

You speak?

No?

What... What are you doing
in a barrel?

Hiding.

- From me?
- From the ducks.

So, uh, how's your voice?
Is it okay?

- My voice?
- Yeah.

Why wouldn't it be?

Well, Beppi said that
when you make love,

- that... that...
- Oh.

Beppi believes everything.

I told him that once
as an excuse

so I could cancel
a performance at La Scala.

Wow. That's so good.

That's a good one.

Well, um,
talking about performing,

we have a rehearsal
going on right now.

You know, I think
we should get back.

No. I'm not
going to sing.

Why?

Why? Why not? Why...
This is crazy.

Why not? Why?

Because for you,
it is just a concert.

And after it is over,
no matter how I sing,

you will go back
to your family,
to your orchestra.

Family, orch...
Wh... What orchestra
are you talking about?

- I know they're on strike.
- Yes!

Everyone knows
they're on strike.

Well, now I'm on strike, too.

No! No, you can't.
No. You must sing.

Why?

Because the world needs you.

But they already have me
with all those recordings.

What they want is the spectacle.

If I sing beautifully,
it is good.

If I'm terrible,
it is even better.

They can say
I was there when
La Fiamma burned.

Yes, but burned...
burned like
a phoenix, baby.

Okay? I'm gonna
make sure of that.

When we first met,
you told me there
is just one reason

to do something important.

- Yes.
- So tell me.

What is the reason?

Love.

Love is the reason.

- Love!
- Yes.

You love just the music
and yourself.

No! No, no!
I love... I love a lot.

I love a lot.
I love you!

I love you even more.

You love me more than yourself?

Yes, because, you know,
there's days I don't
like myself so much.

I love you more!

But why should I trust you?

You left your orchestra.
You will leave me.

You will stay with me
even if there is a world tour?

- Maybe.
- Maybe.

- Ai.
- Maybe!

- Darling, come on.
- You see?

- You don't love me.
- No, I love you!

I love you!
Come here.

I love you. We have
a performance tomorrow,

and we have a rehearsal
right now.

Come on,
let's just go. Okay?

- You love me?
- I love you.

- Of course I love you.
- You love me.

Te amo.

Thomas, look.
I brought your
cheering section.

My rehearsal was cancelled,
so I'm here to party.

And they're going crazy
out there.

Yeah, yeah,
you wait 'til I
get out there.

Dead silence.

What, are you nervous?
That's so sweet.

Yeah, well,
I'm a little bit nervous.

I mean, I'm nervous to
shit my pants

in front of the teenage Gestapo.

No, don't you worry.
You look great.

No, you look terrific.
You're gonna be great.

Wait. Wait a minute.
Are you two a thing?

- No! Yes.
- No. No.

- No, no.
- Yes.

No, no, what you're seeing

is a perfectly healthy
professional relationship.

Sure. We're fucking.

Have been for months.
Great.

You're beautiful,
and you're marvelous.

- Signor, pronti.
- Ah, grazie. I... I have...

Listen, um, I'm sorry, Gloria.

The cat's out of the bag now.

We can't do anything about it.

It's true.

But I'm so happy for you.

Well, well,
thank you, thank you.

So am I.

Maestro Thomas Pembridge,
ladies and gentlemen.

You want to
say something?

- Oh, sure.
- Here, here.

Yes, well, I feel that I'm,
uh, bridging the gap

between the classical music,
Beethoven, Mozart,

and all those great masters,

with, uh, robots.

Oh, uh, I see, that's
the end of it, is it?

- All right, thank you.
- Just play a couple bars...

- Mm-hm.
- And I'll grab a loop,

- and then, um...
- Oh, what does that mean?

You know, you can riff
or you can, uh...

- Grab a loop?
- Yeah, yeah, don't worry.

Oh, okay.

Martians,
if you're listening...

Welcome to the world,
motherfuckers! Yeeha!

Martians,
if you're listening...

Welcome to the world,
motherfuckers!

They seem to know
the words.

Yeah, yeah,
I released it last week.

It's number one
in Korea already.

Yeeha!

Yeeha!

Yeeha!

Martians,
if you're listening...

Ohh!

Martians,
if you're listening...

welcome to the world,
motherfuckers!

Martians, if you're listening...

Welcome to the world,
motherfuckers!

Welcome to the world,
motherfuckers!

Welcome to the world,
motherfuckers!

Yeeha!

Yeeha!

Martians, if you're listening,

go fuck yourself!

Yeeha!

Listen to this, motherfuckers!

Listen to this, motherfuckers!

Yeeha!

You motherfuckers!

Oh, man.

Two hours. What?

We can use that in
the track, the motherfuckers.

No, no,
don't use that.

No, no, no, I don't want
my public to...

Yeah. No.

Hear me
being so profane.

No, it's
super cool, man.

Really?
You motherfuckers!

.srt Extracted, Resynced by
Dan4Jem, XII.MMXVI