Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 2, Episode 6 - How to Make God Laugh - full transcript

[classical music]

♪

[traffic honking and rushing]

Mr. Pembridge?

Mr. Pembridge? Mr. Pembridge?

I'm just a little delicate.

- How was your flight?
- Oh, which part,

sitting on the tarmac in
New York for three hours

or spending the night on
a marble floor in Houston?

Morning, darling.

Did you sleep well?



Like a princess.

Mm, that's not what it sounded like.

Why, was I snoring?

Mm, yeah, just like a little
squirrel I had when I was child.

- It was like...
- Oh, no. Come on, stop.

Oh, it's so embarrassing.

No, don't be. Mm-mm, you're adorable.

You're just... You are adorable.

Hmm...

and you are a wonderfully
unexpected surprise,

but you probably should get
going before somebody sees you.

Well, if I'm such wonderful
surprise, why should I sneak

out of your room like a peasant
leaving his master's dacha?

That's ridiculous.



- [knock on door]
- There's a... oh, God, oh, hide.

Hide under the bed.

I'm a man, I'm not
gonna hide under the bed.

Then... then... then get in the closet.

- Pavel, Pavel...
- No, okay, will you...

Please, we'll talk about it later, okay?

All right, come... coming.

Oh, Thomas, you made it.

Oh, tell that to the hotel.

They've given away my fucking room.

You know, I haven't bathed
or slept or had a decent meal

in the last 48 hours.

I'm totally shagged out.

I mean... and to boot,
they lost my suitcase.

I'm sorry, darling, but
do you mind if I just

put my head down for five minutes?

I don't... oh, I'm so tired.

Yes, yes, you should rest.

Get some rest because
our meeting with Delgado

is not for three hours.

- Oh, well.
- Yeah.

Not good form to keep a
billionaire waiting, huh?

No.

Don't forget to wake me.

Nope.

Hey, meet me in the lobby at 6:30.

We got a cab to the restaurant.

- Perfect, can't wait.
- Maestro.

"Hai Lai," awesome playing last night.

Thank you.

It was sexy, but it was not
together, not together, eh?

And well done for not
eating those carnitas, Bob.

Yeah, that was also not
together. Dee Dee, what's up?

Checking out the Frida Kahlo museum.

Man, that lady does some tricky shit.

Yeah, yeah, check out...
check out the [inaudible].

- Whoa, baby. [inaudible].
- How are you doing?

Good, yes. Hey. Muy bien.

Do you want to hear what we're doing today?

Yes, tell me. "Hai Lai," tell me.

Okay, first we have a press
conference until 11:00.

Then you have a photo op with Miss Cancun.

- Is that Miss Cancun?
- That is.

Then you have the big meeting
with Juan Luis Delgado.

Then you have the...

Gracias, gracias, mucho gracias.

Then you have the meet and
greet with the Pumas soccer

team, and then you have dinner the mayor.

Hey, hi. "Hai Lai," do you
know how to make God laugh?

You tickle him.

No, no, you don't tickle him
because he's not ticklish.

Everybody knows that.

I'll show you how.

- Come, come, come, come.
- Wait, where are you going?

Come, "Hai Lai," come, come, come.

"Hai Lai, Hai Lai."

You're getting on the bus?

[mutters] yes, yes, yes, come, come, come.

"Hai Lai," you're just seeing
the little tip of the iceberg.

Mexico's this amazing, vast country,

so rich, so transversal, so contradictory,

full of mythology, full
of an amazing narrative.

I think you will appreciate it.
Look, look, that guy, that guy,

for example, the chubby guy?

- Yeah.
- He's Tlaloc, the god of rain.

Oh, he reminds me very much of
this god we have in my country,

the great god SpongeBob.

Oh, it's so good to see
you smile, "Hai Lai."

I smile.

No, you've been a little bit,

you know, grouchy recently.

Yeah, it's my fault, okay?
I put you to work a lot,

but today I'm taking you
to a very special place.

Where?

Home.

[phone rings]

Well, how's my favorite hard-ass lawyer?

How's it going, world traveler?

You know, honestly, I can't
wait to get home to you,

but the show last night was amazing.

Oh, I know.

The Latin rhythms, I mean,
you totally nailed it.

I was smiling the whole time.

Right, what are you talking about?

I was there.

[laughs]

What are you doing for lunch?

Where the hell is Rodrigo?

You've got to be patient, Gloria.

It's hard to be king.

No, I think I'll rock the
track suit one more day.

Apparently Virgil saw Rodrigo
and Hailey leave the hotel

over an hour ago.

They jumped on a bus?

- Oh, great.
- Well, that's okay.

It's just you and me, baby.

Come on, let's go, just like the old days.

[mariachi music]

♪

- [sighs]
- Hello.

Welcome, Ms. Windsor. This way, please.

- Wonderful.
- Oh, God.

Come, Thomas.

You don't think we're
gonna be whacked, do you?

Señora, where are you taking us?

Mr. Delgado will join you
in under one minute, Madame.

[helicopter blades whirring]

So Maestro was too busy
to join us? Unfortunate.

Oh, he sends his deepest apologies.

A matter of urgent
personal importance came up.

Of course. Tell me, what is her name?

Oh, you know the Maestro?

I want to thank you, Juan
Luis, for meeting with us.

As you know, we have a proposition.

It's a beautiful country, yes?

You know, Ted Turner has
about 2 million acres,

which is nice if you didn't
have 3 million like I do.

[speaking Spanish]

Oh.

Okay, you see that down there?

Do we have a choice?

That is where I'm creating
the largest mestengo sanctuary

in the entire world.

It is my pride and joy.

You call them mustangs.

Wild horses.

"Couldn't drag me away."

Ah, you like the Stones, huh?

They played at my daughter's quinceañera.

Well, Mick played at my wedding

with half the bridesmaids.

Definitely got a bit of satisfaction there.

Not to drag you two wild horses away,

but, um, everyone knows that MexiMundial

is looking to penetrate
the American market,

and if you should decide
to buy the naming rights

to our new symphony hall,

we could create a very lucrative
synergy between our two brands.

Yes, Si, no, what you are saying is...

it's very practical.

My marketing team will be very pleased.

Oh, yes, of course, what...

but the cross-promotional opportunities...

Gloria, shh, please stop.

Quit while you're behind.

You're right, wild horses need sanctuaries,

but so do wild artists.

Bach, Beethoven, Mozart,
they were all geniuses, sure,

but they needed men of great vision

to bring their genius
to the rest of the world.

Do you mind if I plug in?

[classical music playing]

See, you don't buy bloody naming rights

for some cross-promotional bullshit.

You do it to let the music live.

"La Boheme."

"La Boheme," beautiful,

and your name should
take its rightful place

along the great patrons in history,

Emperor Franz-Joseph,

Cosimo de Medici,

Juan Luis Delgado.

Juan Luis de Medici, I like it.

Oh, fucking A, you do.

You're pretty crazy, huh, Pembrook?

Yeah, Pembridge, actually, but yes,

crazy like a fox.

[laughter]

You know what?

I say we make this
beautiful music together.

Yes.

♪

I thought that you grew up
in Mexico City with Manu.

Yeah, I grew up with Manu,

but then, you know, we would
get into so much trouble,

and my parents send me here
to my grandmother's right here.

Is she still alive?

Ho, she's so alive.

You'll see. She's, like, incredibly alive.

Okay, I got it.

- It's so beautiful.
- You like it?

Yeah, it's, like, from
another time or something.

Yeah, it's like this since I was a kid.

- Hey.
- [speaking Spanish]

[both speaking Spanish]

I didn't have the courtesy

to tell you that I was coming.

Ah, perfecto.

[classical music]

♪

I wish that we'd come here
before the performance.

Why?

Because I would have played
it with a different feeling.

Better? Better than you did?

Ah, she wants us to go to
the market and get some meat,

which is cecina,

and two onions and some avocados,

and don't let me choose them.

Eh, abuelita, [speaking Spanish].

- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.

Seducing the union committee chair,

is that standard negotiating procedure?

Honestly, I've never done this before.

- You don't believe me.
- I don't know.

I mean, you seem like someone
who plots out every move.

- Oh.
- Which is not a criticism.

Well, you're right.

Normally I have everything all worked out,

but, well, something about
you makes me want to improvise.

[phone ringing]

Bob, hey, I was just about to call you.

Uh, I'm in the lobby. I'm early, I know,

but whenever you're ready, no pressure.

Uh, you know, I'm...

I'm just not feeling well.

I'm in bed, but you should go.

- Take Dee Dee.
- Well...

Have fun.

I'm not gonna go without you, Cyn.

- I don't even like Mexican food.
- I'm sorry.

I... you know, maybe next time.

- Feel better.
- Good night.

I feel terrible.

He got this reservation
at this great place,

and now he's not even going.

- What place?
- Uh, Limo...

- Limo Cineros?
- Si.

Oh, my God, that place
is supposed to be amazing.

Oh, there's no way we're
giving up that reservation.

- Chin-chin.
- It was just like the old days,

Thomas. You were soaring.

Mm, just another bloody
lion in winter, darling,

but hey, listen, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Excuse me just a moment, all right?

I'll be right back.

We just sat down.

The girl's room.

You gonna powder your nose?

Ooh, what a nice ass.

Hey, Bobby, Bobby,

Bobby come here.

Pavel, can't you see I'm busy with work?

Ah, yes, you're very busy with the old man.

I thought we were gonna
spend the afternoon together.

- And we will.
- Yeah?

Thomas and I were just
having a celebratory drink.

We landed Delgado.

Wonderful, then I join you.

I...

Oh, I see.

I'm sorry I'm not one of your rich donors

or dissolute ex-conductors

you flirt with for money or influence.

Don't make this a class issue.

In my country, I'm biochemical engineer.

- Pavel.
- Ah, no more words.

You know what this is? This
is the place where I met...

where I met Maestro Rivera, around here.

- In this market?
- Yeah.

- In the market?
- I used to come with... yeah,

with some friends, you
know, play music, and then...

[speaks Spanish]

And then... and we... you know,

this guy comes up and says
"I've got a music school.

Are you guys interested?" and then

- started to talk about Mozart.
- Oh.

And that's how everything came about, okay?

- Nope.
- How many did she...

You really don't know
how to choose an avocado?

Ay, "Hai Lai," honestly?

You have to... okay, take this.

You have to pull out this part,

and if it's green, then it's ripe.

- And then what?
- And then you buy it,

- and you eat it.
- And then what?

And then... [laughs]

That was the most delicious meal.

Muchos gracias.

Ah, you are... welcome.

[speaking Spanish] Bien, bien.

Should we help to clean up?

[speaking Spanish]

Ah, wait, wait.

- Is something wrong?
- No, no.

See, she's reading the cup.

Okay, well, if I'm gonna get hit by a bus,

she really doesn't need to tell me, so...

- I... ay, ay, "Hai Lai."
- Yeah?

She said... okay, she said many things.

She said that there's a lot

of love and confusion
and passion for music,

and that we are gonna have a big career,

and you especially.

You're gonna... like, yeah.

- That's great.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, thank you so much,

but these are too beautiful.

I would... you should keep them.

Gracias.

Thank you.

You are welcome.

I wanted to play the French horn,

but my mother thought I'd rupture a lung,

so she bought me a piccolo,
and the rest is history.

So your mother bought
you your first piccolo?

I know, believe me, I know.

You know, we've worked
together for ten years.

We've never had a Mano-a-Mano moment.

- Gracias.
- Why is Mexican food

so much better in Mexico?

Gracias.

Gracias.

Holy shite.

- So this is awkward.
- Oh, good.

Well, thank you for sparing us the

"It's not what you think" line.

- I thought you were in bed.
- I was.

- She was.
- Oh, yeah, in bed?

Oh, the two... wow.

I guess maybe that makes
us piccolo brothers.

Cyn, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure. Excuse me.

Thanks. Excuse us, Counselor.

Well, I wonder what that
makes us, Mr. Pembridge.

Since when?

It started a couple of
weeks before we left on tour.

Look, it really has nothing to do with you.

Yes, it does. She's our negotiator.

She's supposed to be representing us,

not sleeping with the boss.

You should know better, Cyn.

I don't need a lecture from you, Bob.

I get it.

You don't need anything
from me. Come on, Thomas.

Let's go find another place to eat.

Yeah, of all the taquerias

in all the towns in all the world, huh?

Yeah.

[man speaking Spanish on TV]

Come, come.

You're gonna sleep here tonight, okay?

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Wow.

It's amazing how similar your room is

- to my room growing up.
- Really?

Yeah, I mean, except I didn't have soccer.

I had a lot of Backstreet Boys,

and I had a Chopin bobble head, so...

What did you expect my room to be like?

I don't know, cooler?

"Hai Lai," I'm sorry to burst your bubble.

I'm a nerd just like you.

Buenos noches.

[classical music]

♪

All the donations have helped a lot

to change the place a little bit.

We have here the washer and dryer.

Huh, the... yeah, finally
somebody appreciated it.

And my room is totally reconstructed.

My new library, my new
bed, the TV, and it's...

it's very cozy, isn't it, Hailey?

It's very cozy.

Ah.

Come, come, come to the royal box.

["Danzón No. 2" playing]

♪

[music stops]

No, no.

- Por favor?
- No, Maestro, no.

Por favor.

Bueno.

¿Listos?

♪

♪

♪

Maestro...

Gracias.

I... Maestro, I...

I can't because I have the
orchestra, and they need me.

"Hai Lai," she's one
of our youngest members.

She needs me, and...

Hey, "Hai Lai," I am very sorry.

- For what?
- Eh.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to flight 115 Lina Americana,

nonstop service to New York
City's John F. Kennedy airport.

We will be taking off shortly.

- "Hai Lai?"
- Oh, hey.

- Hey, how do you feel?
- Uh, I feel good.

I feel a little wiped out, but...

No, yeah, but I feel I caught something.

You know, I might have...
have something here.

I'm sorry about what
happened with Maestro Rivera.

Yeah, that was awful, right?

Ugh, that was really bad.

Yeah.

Do you remember when we went
to my grandmother's house,

that we went to my room,

- my... when I was a kid?
- Yeah.

Full of posters, you know,
and we made the bed togeth...

Yeah, no, I remember. It happened.

It's not our real lives.

I also... I realized that you're
a really shitty translator.

"Hai Lai"?

What... could you tell what
my grandmother was saying?

Yeah, two years of high school Spanish

goes a really long way, it turns out.

Ay, "Hai Lai."

It's okay, father of my children.

- Ay, no. I...
- We have a really long time.

That's what the coffee grounds said.

- Excuse me?
- Yes?

- Sir?
- Yes?

Sorry, you have to go back to your seat.

Ay, thank you.

Well, "Hai Lai," see you...

see you there.

Okay.

- Look what I found in...
- Oh, it's lovely.

- It's a good picture.
- Arts section.

Hey, good review, man, nice review.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]