Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 2, Episode 4 - Touché Maestro, Touché - full transcript

Bravo! Bravo!

Bellissimo! Bellissimo!

I see you've been working
on your molto sul ponticello.

And I see you've been
working on some cupcakes.

Warren, may I say that your
playing is even more supple

- than when I last saw you?
- Wow, thank you.

I have been focusing a
lot on my bow technique.

It shows.

- And Dee Dee?
- Hmm?

You're playing like a bearded tsunami.

I do have a lot of unchecked rage.



Bob, how is it you stay so fit?

- You look great this season.
- 100 crunches a day.

- That's how you do it.
- Adagio, Andrew, adagio.

I don't want everybody feeling
too good about themselves.

Ha ha. My apologies, Maestro. Gentlemen,

I take back everything I just said,

but may I tell you, sir,

your performance tonight was magnificent.

Oh, thank you, Andrew. Thank you.

I'm so pleased that you're putting a nice,

fresh coat of paint on this old vessel.

Oh, you know how it is.

- I do.
- I mean, when I said no

- to Helsinki...
- Very painful...



Great show, everybody.

- Maestro...
- Michele, what...

- Your favorite?
- What? No.

I don't know what you're doing, Michele,

I... I don't like cookies.

They look delicious.

May I?

Please.

I... I hope they didn't cool off too much.

Mmm. Very good. You don't
know what you're missing.

Maybe, yeah, but it's okay.

I'll go do some after-show
"pilatos", you know?

Just to ease the tension.

Bye-bye, Andrew. Thank you very much.

Ciao. Bye-bye.

What are pilatos?

I don't know!

- Hi.
- Hey, there.

You're Hailey Rutledge, right?

Uh, yeah.

- I'm Andrew Walsh.
- I know.

I actually have a bootleg of

you playing the "Bach
Cello Suites" in Dresden.

Oh, yes. I remember that concert

and the East Germans
with their urtext fetish.

Yeah.

You think I could, uh...
hear that recording sometime?

Um, yeah.

I could probably find a
way to get it to you, so...

- Hey.
- Hi.

I bet you could.

- Cyn.
- Andrew.

How great to see you. You look smashing.

Oh, my God. Look at you.

Oh. Mmm.

How long's it been? Too long. Three years?

Actually, I think I saw you last November.

Either way...

It's really great to, um...

to play with you again. Finally.

I was just introducing
myself to Hailey here.

Turns out her picture's
on the poster outside.

Seems she's the new face
of the New York Symphony.

Oh, no.

They just did that so they wouldn't
have to pay for stock photography.

Great move on their
part, a pretty girl who...

who loves Bach. These guys
know what they're doing.

That PR department sexes up the, uh...

entire operation.

I'm not sure that's how they would put it.

Now, this might be a little bit forward,

but do either of you care to join me

to see Lang Lang play tonight?

Cyn, for old time's sake?

I can't.

Oh, okay.

Hailey, for new time's sake?

That sounds incredible, um... but...

Look, I have this meet-and-greet

with these desperate donors
down the hallway here.

Shostakovich.
It's a... funny word.

But I only have 15 minutes, so

if you want to join me,

and you should...

it'll be fun.

She looks good.

We're born,

we decide to be musicians,

we grab an instrument.

Then we grow up, and then we end up...

- She looks really beautiful.
- She does.

- Really beautiful, yeah.
- Really beautiful.

I got some toilet paper for the house.

Oh, that's great.

Are you off to the donors' event?

No, I've had four of
those already this week.

I'm gonna go take in a late movie.

- Good.
- Clear my head.

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

What about you?

No. Me, I'm...

I don't know. One of those days, you know?

I'll see you at the house.

Okay, good.

Um, for the future,

there's extra toilet paper under the sink.

Okay.

Now, there's a man who could use a ride.

- Hey, Maestro.
- Come on, come on.

- Well, you know...
- I promise

I won't talk about my symphony.

Scout's honor.

Where do we put the bike?

Two maestros in the backseat of a limo.

Sounds like the beginning of an epic joke.

Thank you so much, Mrs. Blowenstruth.

It is patrons like you
who give my music a home.

- It's your dedication...
- Pardon my interruption,

but this man has to get to
a photo shoot right away.

Oh, Ms. Rutledge.

I thought I told you never to interrupt me

should I ever be with two
or more beautiful women.

Yes, I understand, but it's
an emergency photo shoot, so...

- Oh.
- Yes.

- Emergency.
- Mm.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Blowenstruth.

- Shall we?
- Of course.

Take care.

What's Lang Lang playing?

Oh, I think you'll be
surprised by what he's playing.

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

Hey, what's up? My friend.

Hey, what's up, Andrew? My man.

Hey. It's been a long,
long time, Lang Lang.

How you doing?

Doing good, good. How'd tonight go?

- Everything good?
- Oh, excellent.

How's my bud Rodrigo doing over there?

- Oh, he's crushing it.
- Yeah?

He's crushing it. He's
retooling the whole place.

Hey, it's my pleasure to introduce

the linchpin of the whole thing really,

Hailey Rutledge, the brilliant oboist.

- Pleasure meeting you.
- Likewise, yeah.

It must be wild in the woodwind

with Betty Cragdale being hurt, right?

- Yes, it is...
- Hey, Manny.

This level's too low.

Andrew, how are you doing? Good to see you.

- You look good.
- Hey, pleasure.

Holy moly. Is that Emanuel Ax?

You bet it is.

I have a last point to finish.

Yeah, go finish him off.

- So good, right?
- Yeah.

I feel I just died and went to heaven.

Oh, prosciutto and yogurt?

Man cannot live by cured
meats and fermented milk alone.

I'm fucking famished,

and having received this...

Here, take a look, Maestro.

- I thought you didn't want...
- No, no, no.

You misunderstand. This
is not my symphony, no.

If this were a fugue,

it would be a fugue of despair

composed by my wife and
orchestrated by her lawyer.

These are my divorce papers

presented to me just this evening.

Shit.

A bittersweet symphony.

The Verve.

Touché, Maestro. Touché.

You know what?

Let's seize the fucking night.

A new Tommy Pembridge for a new era.

I mean, you know, I am of
course on the wagon, as you know.

I think that we could just

dangle our feet over the edge

- and drag them right through the gravel.
- Give it to me.

- What do you say?
- No, no, no.

No, no, no. Give me the bottle.

Would you look into my eyes?

You don't need this, Maestro.

This is poison, okay?

This is poison for you.

We don't need it.

- Okay?
- Hmm. Mm.

No. We don't need this.

No, no.

Jesus, man.

Good save, Maestro.

Good save.

You are truly my hermano.

Well, that's what hermanos are for.

Of course.

But if you want to dangle your feet,

you want to seize the moment,

we might as well learn to

step on each other's hands.

Forget our names.

Look into the precipice.

Look into the abyss.

Come, come, come. I've got something.

I got this from a friend
from Fort Lee, New Jersey.

Oh! Jeez, smells like shit.

I know.

- I know.
- What is it?

He told me it's resin

with mushroom and some kind of frog venom.

Can you smoke it?

I think you have to do
it in a ritual, you know?

Like, treat it with respect and...

Mmm.

Or we could just eat
it and see what happens.

- Let's eat it. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

- Whoa!
- Fuck.

You're definitely on an upward trajectory.

- Bravo. Bravo.
- Thank you. Thank you.

All right, where were we?

Oh. So from a woman's point of view,

should I call her or not?

Do you believe that that's what she wants,

or does it sound like
she was just saying...

I don't know. That's why....

It's so complicated. I mean, I
would just go with your instinct.

I mean, you're a great guy.

She would be crazy not
to want to be with you.

- Oh. Well.
- Yeah, I mean... I... whatever.

Strike. Whoo!

Uh-uh. Lang Lang.

Joshua Bell, what are you doing here?

Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing here.

I'm noticing that you foot
faulted... see this line?

You're not supposed to put
your foot over that line.

Come on. This... it...

Josh. Still Mr. Competitive.

- Come on.
- Is that Josh Bell?

I think he prefers Joshua.

You put up with this
much, if at all, really...

This much makes a big difference.

- It happens.
- Yeah, I know, yeah,

you don't have to do much...

It's just like typing, right?

With a violin, a
millimeter means, you know,

the difference between an F and an F sharp,

and conducting is like...

if you're off by a millimeter,
what is that gonna do...

- Come on.
- We're having a good time.

Forget it. I just... just forget it.

I don't want... ah, I'm just kidding.

Some people think

that in order to play
the piano really well,

what you need to do is
keep your fingers limber,

but that's not true at all.

It's the feet.

Horovitz used to say,

"If my feet don't walk,
my fingers don't run."

And he was a pretty great pianist.

Well, hasn't helped so far.

I don't think it's working.

I don't feel a thing.

Maybe it's 'cause I have a tolerance to it

through years of hard, hard living.

Or maybe it's just my
good old English blood.

You know...

my ancestors can be traced
back to the Battle of Hastings,

1066.

Take a... take a seat, Maestro.

- Take a seat.
- Oh, thank you.

There's a game I used to play

when I was a kid.

I give you a name,

a theme, a something.

- An image. An...
- Ooh!

John Cage plays this game.

Okay. Can we start?

- Okay, yeah.
- Yeah.

No baton. Eight seconds.

No baton, because I don't need one.

I can use my finger. Huh?

- Good.
- You like that?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Nightmares.
- I get along with them.

- Good.
- I like them.

- Good.
- They look into my eyes.

- I look into their eyes.
- Good.

They don't blink.

Ten seconds. Exercise.

Uh, no interest.

Exercise? Walk.

At what point did you become an adult?

When I was born.

What about your father, though?

Yeah, he's...

he's competitive in the music.

- You know?
- Yeah.

He used to be a mambo conductor.

- You know?
- Ah!

Wonderful.

I would like you to teach me

some really filthy words in Spanish.

- Yeah.
- Like "go fuck yourself"

or "go fuck your mother"
or something like that.

What about you?

Oh, my mother? She was really nice.

Yes.

- Me cago en tus muertos.
- What?

Me cago en tus muertos.

Me caroso...

- En tus muertos.
- En tus muertos.

Me cago...

So I could say that to someone, and they...

But they will kill you if you say that.

- Why?
- Because it means

"I shit on your dead people."

Oh. I didn't ask for that.

I know, but that's like

a little fucking more intense than...

than... you wanted it more intense.

- That's way more...
- Very intense.

- That's a shocking one.
- Yeah, I know.

My mother didn't really like me very much.

Was like a dagger in my... gut.

Death.

I think about it all the time,

except... except...

when I know that something
is dying that moment.

- Mm.
- Like a performance.

Both: Well, you know I have to tell you...

you know you are

magnificent human being.

You are...

and I really have to say

in all honesty,

I love you

as a man to a man.

- Hermano.
- Mano.

Both: And make you follow me.

Yes.

You're even doing it

with an English accent.

Okay, did...

did I win this game?

- Whoa!
- Oh!

Can I help you?

Uh... yes.

Yes.

Can I put my name down?

- Yeah. What's your name?
- Okay.

Um... Gloria Antoinette.

Mmm... it tickles.

Well, my free hand isn't that good,

so it helps if you don't wriggle.

It's kind of relaxing.

Voilà.

Masterpiece.

Let me take a photo. Turn to me.

Hi.

Hey.

Did I wake you up?

- Yeah, but it was nice.
- Good.

- Aw.
- Hey, show me what you got.

Come here.

Yeah, you take the bow. Sit down.

- Okay.
- Right here.

That goes between your legs.

Okay.

You play, I'll finger.

Should be easy, right?

So easy.

Nice, long bow. That's it.

Brilliant. Should've been recording that.

I know, right?

Mm-hmm.

What's it like to be you?

So young and talented, beautiful.

Aww.

Feels like you could do anything.

- Yeah.
- But it must be weird

that you've already accomplished

everything you set out to
do at the young age of, um...

- 26.
- 26.

It's... staggering.

Yeah, I'm planning my midlife
crisis for next summer,

so I'm just trying to
stay ahead of the game.

Good, good. Maybe grandkids at 30?

Mm-hmm, and blood thinners
and hair thickeners.

Don't worry, I've got
those in the bathroom.

Oh, good. Flat champagne.

How hot is that?

Yeah.

But honestly, I don't know how you do it.

Part of a big orchestra

with all those rules and the bureaucracy,

and all the same people every day.

Well, I kind of love the
people that I work with.

I get that, but it's...

where's the... where's the fire?

It's always about serving
somebody else's creative vision.

That's not necessarily true.

Well, where's yours? When
does Hailey come first?

Yeah. I've got fire.

I've got a lot of fire.

That I know. I know, and I get it.

To be honest with you,
maybe if I had done that,

things would be better.

There's a...

another... different

Andrew Walsh out there

whose life was composed in
a completely different way,

and I sometimes...

think about him.

Hey, Pavel. How are you?

I have a Czech-style
absinthe on the rocks for you.

Oh. Thanks, Sophie. You
look great, by the way.

- Thank you, you too.
- Up next, Gloria Antoinette.

Ms. Windsor?

I'm sorry. Could I have a D please?

Okay. Sorry, I... I need my note.

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you candy ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

♪ Apple and plum and an apricot too ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

♪ Figs and dates and grapes and cakes ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you candy ♪

Ow!

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

♪ Christmas tree ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

♪ A pomegranate ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

♪ Peach and pear ♪

♪ And I love your hair ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you candy ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you ♪

♪ Everything ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house, come on ♪

♪ Come on to my house, my house ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you candy ♪

That voice is... so beautiful.

Oh, Pavel.

This is the last place

I'd expect to run into
someone who knows me.

I live close. This is my local bar,

and I love open mic nights. You know?

I spend all day surrounded
by professionals.

It relaxes me to be around amateurs.

They're still searching.

You know, Ms. Antoinette, tell me.

What are you doing here, hmm?

Searching, I suppose.

♪ Come on to my house ♪

♪ Come on, come to my house ♪

♪ You know my house ♪

♪ Second from the corner ♪

♪ Little white picket fence ♪

Thank you.

Final call for the bus to JFK.

Final call for JFK.

Respectfully, Maestro,

we can't go to South America without you.

Wait. I... wait.