Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 3 - The Honeymoon - full transcript
Mindy attracts a lot of Orkans when she and Mork spend their honeymoon on his home planet.
Na-no, na-no.
This has been a day to remember.
Mindy was such
a beautiful bride.
But, Cora, they're
honeymooning on Ork.
Why can't they
go to the Poconos?
Well, I think it's exciting
to go to another planet.
And I'd rather have
a frontal lobotomy.
Well, go for it.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Hi.
It's almost time to blast off.
Oh, Mindy, honey,
won't you reconsider?
I mean, we're talking
about space travel here.
Going off to some
strange planet.
Oh, Dad, it's where Mork grew
up. He just wants to share it with me.
Yeah, well, couldn't you just
thumb through his yearbook?
Dad, I'm a journalist. This is
the opportunity of a lifetime.
To boldly go where no man
has gone. I mean, I'm thrilled.
I mean, I'm exhilarated.
I'm scared to death.
Boy, that's a catchy tune. I just
wish I could remember the words.
Are those special glasses to shield
our eyes from the ultraviolet rays?
No, no, Mind. I just bought
them because they're gnarly.
Yeah, that's great,
Mork. Are you crazy?
You can't let this man pilot you
millions of miles through space.
He doesn't even
have a driver's license.
Oh, come on now,
Pops, come on now.
I've been to the four
corners of the universe,
I've charted 16 solar systems,
and I can refold a road map correctly.
Well, there's another thing, Mork.
Mindy doesn't travel all that well.
- She got sick in her baby carriage.
- Aw.
Oh, that little "neener pooter."
Don't worry about her. We're
gonna be traveling first class.
It's here, Mindy.
Oh, boy. Boy, we're gonna
go in style! We're gonna go...
Oh, shazbot. They
sent the compact model.
Oh, well, we'll just
have to make do.
Now, now, now,
just a minute, Mork.
The words "deep space" and
"make do" don't go together.
Oh, mon papa, ma familia,
don't you worry about a thing.
I have prepared for
everything that can be planned.
I've packed plenty of
Dramamine and Tang.
Has anyone seen my
Dramamine and Tang?
Uh, I packed it.
My wife. I think I'll keep her.
I packed a lunch for you.
And there's a piece of your
wedding cake in there too.
Oh, thanks, Grandma.
And we'll both bring you
back something from Ork.
Where are you going
to stay up there?
We're going first class.
We're staying at the Hotel
and Spa.
- You have reservations?
- No, it seems like a nice place.
Well, just remember, Mork.
That's pretty
valuable cargo there.
Oh, you're right. I really
am proud of this suitcase.
He meant me.
Oh. Don't you worry. Your
little girl is in very good hands.
Don't touch that!
You'll kill us all!
Good evening and welcome to
Air Ork's intergalactic traveler,
the Huevos Grande.
Now that we're in flight, be aware
of the total lack of safety measures.
First of all, we have no
exits, either front, back or side.
In case of emergency, a brown
paper bag will fall from the ceiling,
- which means absolutely nothing.
- Heh.
On this flight, our
in-flight movie will be
The High and the Mighty
and Fate is a Lonely Hunter.
Airport '79.
Okay. My turn.
I spy with my little eye
something starting
with the letter J.
I spy the planet
Jupiter. Ha, ha.
- Very good.
- That's hard to miss. It's so huge.
Okay, I spy with my little eye
something beginning
with the letter K.
K.
I see a meteor
coming right at us.
- You're supposed to say, "I spy," not...
- No!
Besides, meteor begins
with M... Yeah, it's a...
Meteor!
Mind, Mind, wake up. Look
on the scanner. We're here.
- Oh, Mork. Ork is beautiful.
- Well, yeah.
Just think, me, Mindy McConnell,
the first woman in space.
Well, you're not the first one.
There was a Russian lady, but
you're the first one that shaves her legs.
Aren't we going awfully fast?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
Mind, isn't it a kick?
Oh, there's the city
now. I better slow down.
Pity.
Welcoming you to Squelm
in the Elm Memorial Airport.
There will be a brief delay
due to the controllers' strike.
Don't stand up until we're
completely docked at the gate.
And observe the
"No Screaming" signs.
- Oh, Mork, Ork is just amazing.
- I know, Mind.
Look at this hotel.
Everything is just so futuristic.
This is one of the old
downtown hotels, Mind.
You should see the ones
on the Strip. Boy, Kenahara.
What are we gonna do first?
I just wanna do everything.
We'll go see my
old neighborhood,
if you don't mind
digging with your hands.
What? Ha, ha.
Oh. Na-no. Ha, ha.
Oh. Oh.
Na-no.
What's...? What's
that all about?
Oh, that's our version of
the National Enquirer, Mind.
Here you'll be a celebrity, because
they've never seen an Earthling before.
There's gonna be a little
giggling and gawking.
Like an Alexander
Haig press conference.
Na-no.
I suddenly feel very
tired and very out of place.
- Let's go to our room.
- All right.
- What did you say?
- I said you weren't that contagious.
And also I said you
were housebroken too.
May I help you?
Uh, yes. We have reservations
under the name of Mork.
Mind, why are
you talking to him?
He asked about our reservations.
Mind, that's a penguin. They don't
talk. They hardly ever take reservations.
Yes, Mork.
And this must be
your wife, the Earthling.
Well, it takes all kinds.
Orlando, this is taken care
of through, uh, Orson's office.
We'd like the special room
overlooking the ice machine.
The room won't be ready for
30 micro-bleems. Na-no, na-no.
Doesn't he look amazingly
like Elton John, Mind?
Mork, Orson carries a
lot of weight around here.
Couldn't we get him to
lean on the snippy little guy?
Listen, I'm your husband. I
don't need Orson's weight.
I have a lot of
clout around here.
I used to be the dinner
diver in the lobster tank.
If that penguin gives you
any trouble, wait right here.
Okay, I'll just browse.
Hello.
Why do I feel like
the Elephant Man?
Excuse me.
On Earth we don't poke
people we don't date.
Okay, that's enough.
No more poking.
Mork.
Oh, no, officers, they
didn't mean any harm.
I'm sure they've just
never... Wait a minute! Mork!
Wait. I'm an
American. Help! Mork!
Help!
Mind? Mind, I've
arranged for the room, hon.
Peekaboo.
Hope she didn't go in the
pool. It hasn't eaten yet today.
Hello, police?
My wife is missing.
She's an Earthling.
Yeah, she'll be the only one
who knows who Claude Akins is.
Oh, never mind.
Thank you anyway.
Mind.
Mind.
- Oh, Mork.
- Oh, Mind. Hope you're all right.
Oh, Mork, I was dragged out
of here by the space cadets.
And taken someplace for
this physical examination.
Oh, they paraded me around
and asked me questions I didn't
understand and gave me this.
I guess it's some sort
of a visa or something.
That wasn't a customs
office. That was a pet show.
What?
You didn't do too badly.
You took fourth place.
A pet show? Oh,
I'm so humiliated.
Oh, Mind, I know. You should have
at least won in the obedience class.
Oh, Mind, I don't
know what to...
Thank you. Oh, Mind,
I'm really sorry about that.
I'm sorry. I wanted to make the
honeymoon very, very special.
Oh, Mork, no, it's not your fault.
It's just been such a long trip. And...
And our rooms weren't ready.
In fourth place.
Mind! Mind.
I went to school
with his father.
I just need some rest.
Let's go to our room.
I admit I love your attitude.
You're hanging in there with me.
No wonder they call
you the better half.
Now the room's all set to go and let's
go upstairs and we'll play newlyweds,
you know, count
our savings bonds.
This is an
intergalactic class hotel.
They modify each room to satisfy
the needs of the specific alien.
It's gonna be like any
Ramada Inn on Earth,
right down to the little
paper sash on the commode.
Mork, it's customary to be
carried over the threshold.
Oh, all right, Mind,
but I'm a little heavy.
Me, not you.
Thanks, Mork, that
was real romantic.
Well, Mind, this is just
like any room on Earth.
I mean, lots of rooms I've seen on
Earth with floor paper and wall rugs.
- Ceiling chairs.
- Mork.
All right, Mind, they
screwed it up! I'm sorry!
It looks like it was
decorated by Fools-R-Us.
Oh, Mind, how could
they do this to me?
Oh! Too much coffee, Tom?
- Mork, it's all right.
- Oh, it is?
No, but you're distraught.
We'll talk about it later.
Oh, Mind, Mind. I just wanted our
honeymoon to be very, very special.
Oh, I know.
Look, the important thing is that
we're together, and it is our honeymoon.
Aw. In the dictionary it says,
"Compassionate, see you."
- I love you, Mork.
- I love you, Mind.
- Dong-ding?
- Dong-ding?
They can even
screw up a doorbell.
Oh, maybe it's the
bellhops with our luggage.
- Do you tip bellhops here on Ork?
- No. They're robots.
If you tip them, they
can't get back on their feet.
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
Oh, gosh, Mind! It's the
Peevee clones, Six and Seven.
- It's nice to meet you.
- You must be Mindy, his wife.
Whatever that is.
We heard you were back. We
could hardly wait to get up here.
Six thought it'd be funny if
we brought in your luggage.
Yeah, we had to tip the
robot. He's still out there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's out there.
His little feet just flailing away.
Mind, the clones and I, we
go way back. Remember?
Rick 'em, rack 'em, ruck 'em, ruck
'em, get that ball and really fight!
We used to sneak into the school
bathroom and tell, like, jokes, and I...
Well, you know, I got
caught for being funny,
and that's why I
was sent to Earth.
Wait till you hear
our latest Orson joke.
This is really gonna
shorten your circuits.
Okay, now, watch
those sides. Here goes.
Orson is a big...
- Fatso!
- Fatso!
I can see why you were
the only one caught.
We might as well
make ourselves at home.
Might as well. We've got a lot
of catching up for Mork to do.
Hey, Mork, your human friend is
really going to appreciate this one.
How many Earthlings does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know.
How many Earthlings does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
- One.
- One.
They're gone, Mind.
Mork, I've had colds that didn't
hang on as long as the Peevee clones.
I thought they'd take the hint
when we put on our nightgowns.
I thought they'd take the hint
when we told them to get out.
Especially after they referred
to me as "your creature."
Well...
I guess we're alone now.
I guess so.
Just the two of us, huh?
Yep. Looks that way.
- On our honeymoon night.
- Yep.
Sure is dark.
Sure is.
Well, it's our wedding night.
I'd better not put this
off any longer, huh?
Guess not.
Bette Davis eyes
MORK: Night, Mind.
What was that?
That's the ancient Orkan
honeymoon ritual. Good night, Mind.
The honeymoon ritual is
a little different on Earth.
What's different, Mind? No mask?
Hardly.
My father gave me this
marriage manual to give to you.
I told him he was crazy.
That's one for Dad.
Read this. MORK: Now?
Please.
Cute pictures.
Just read, Mork.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hm.
Whoa. Heh.
Okay, all done.
Is there anything
you don't understand?
No, clear as a bell, Mind. I...
I'm just gonna step in the
bathroom for just a minute.
Mork.
Mork, are you all right?
- Did that book upset you?
- No! Not at all. Really, Mind.
I'm just gonna sleep on the bathroom
floor tonight and maybe forever.
That's ridiculous. You're not
gonna sleep in the bathroom.
Now, come out here.
I wanna talk to you.
No way, Jose. No chance, Lance.
Not tonight, Irving,
I have a headache!
Mork, you're my husband. I'm not
gonna let you sleep in the bathroom.
If you don't come out, I'll
come in there and get you.
Aha! I'll lock the door.
Stupid Orkans forgot
to put a lock on the door!
They probably didn't
think we'd need one.
Now, come on, Mork,
come out of there.
Mork.
Mork? All right,
I'm coming in there.
Mork!
Mork, come back.
Don't run away. Mork.
We should have
gone to Niagara Falls.
Mork.
Mork, where are you?
I know you're here someplace.
Mork, this is our honeymoon.
Is this really the way you
wanna start out our marriage?
Mork not here right now!
Mork, will you come out here,
please? I need to talk to you.
I can't, Mind... Oh, he can't!
Mork.
Mind.
You knew it was me
all along, didn't you?
Psychic.
Well, I wasn't
really running away.
I just like to
hyperventilate alone.
You know, Mork,
I think I realize for the first
time how you must feel on Earth.
- I don't know how you cope.
- I've got you to take care of me.
Aw.
I haven't told you this, but, you know,
I think Ork is really a lovely planet.
I mean, the three
moons are very romantic.
Mm-hm.
And this garden,
it's... It's beautiful.
Look, these flowers look
almost exactly like Earth roses.
They should look
exactly like Earth roses.
I've been sending them
here for three years now.
You see, I wanted to share a
little bit of Earth's beauty with Ork.
Oh, Mork, you never told
me that. That's so nice.
They're not as beautiful
as you are, though.
Oh, thanks.
Now, you wanna tell
me what's bothering you?
I'm scared.
Oh, Mork.
Come over here.
Oh, Mork, everyone's
scared of getting married.
It's a new experience.
It's a normal emotion.
- It is?
- Sure.
Oh, Mork, just think, someday
we might have children
and I'm scared to death of that.
But I know that you'll be
there to help me get through it.
See, that's the really
wonderful thing about marriage,
is you have a
friend who loves you
and a partner who helps
you through the rough times.
This friend and partner isn't ashamed
of the other friend and partner?
No, not if they love each other.
- Oh, trouble, Mind.
- For picking a rose?
Yeah, we better walk fast. This
is a national monument, Mind.
Picking that rose would
be the same on Earth
as if you plucked one of
Brooke Shields' eyebrows.
Back in the room again, huh?
- Looks that way.
- Yeah, looks that way.
Well, back in the
room again. Heh.
Sounds like a
Willie Nelson song.
Well, um, wanna
watch a little TV, Mind?
Orson Knows Best is on.
No, Mork, I'd rather talk.
You know, Mork, until
today, I never really realized
what it's like to be a
stranger on a strange planet.
But as bizarre and as
scary as Ork has been to me,
at least I've been
here with you.
Yeah, you got it there, kid.
It's just you and me, sweetheart.
ONE AND TWO: Guess again.
- They're back.
- No, no. Mind, Mind, Mind.
That was Peevee
clones Six and Seven.
These are One and
Two, the originals.
Do you wanna hear
our latest Orson joke?
Mind, you think Six and Seven are
funny, these clones wrote the book.
Okay, now, hold onto
those sides. Here goes.
Orson is a big...
Fatso.
- Mork.
- Fatso!
- You didn't laugh the first time.
- I know, Mind, but I just got it.
Oh, honey, your
delivery's incredible.
"Fatso." Just the
way you said "fatso."
- She's funny.
- She's funny.
You think she's funny,
wait till you read this. Ha, ha.
Check that one out for a week, and
let me know when you figure it out.
Check that one out.
Rick 'em, rack 'em, ruck 'em, ruck
'em, get that ball and really fight!
- They're gone.
- They're gone.
- Here we are in the room again.
- Yeah.
- Just the two of us.
- Looks that way.
I just want you to know I think I
understand your Earth customs.
- You do?
- Yeah, and I really do care.
Oh, Mork.
Just one thing.
Would you wear the
chicken head tonight?
You're doing great, Mind.
- Thanks.
Just stay in your lane. - Okay.
We should really send
Orson a nice thank you note.
- Yeah.
- Because I had a great time.
Oh, me too.
Mork!
You know what my
favorite part was?
- What?
- Guess.
- The pillow fight?
- No.
Yeah, well... No, my
favorite part was...
My favorite part was
waking up in the morning
and seeing you laying there next to
me and knowing for the rest of my life
your face will be the first one
I wake up to every morning.
Oh, ditto, Mind.
- And I've got one thing to say to you.
- What?
Meteor!
This has been a day to remember.
Mindy was such
a beautiful bride.
But, Cora, they're
honeymooning on Ork.
Why can't they
go to the Poconos?
Well, I think it's exciting
to go to another planet.
And I'd rather have
a frontal lobotomy.
Well, go for it.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Hi.
It's almost time to blast off.
Oh, Mindy, honey,
won't you reconsider?
I mean, we're talking
about space travel here.
Going off to some
strange planet.
Oh, Dad, it's where Mork grew
up. He just wants to share it with me.
Yeah, well, couldn't you just
thumb through his yearbook?
Dad, I'm a journalist. This is
the opportunity of a lifetime.
To boldly go where no man
has gone. I mean, I'm thrilled.
I mean, I'm exhilarated.
I'm scared to death.
Boy, that's a catchy tune. I just
wish I could remember the words.
Are those special glasses to shield
our eyes from the ultraviolet rays?
No, no, Mind. I just bought
them because they're gnarly.
Yeah, that's great,
Mork. Are you crazy?
You can't let this man pilot you
millions of miles through space.
He doesn't even
have a driver's license.
Oh, come on now,
Pops, come on now.
I've been to the four
corners of the universe,
I've charted 16 solar systems,
and I can refold a road map correctly.
Well, there's another thing, Mork.
Mindy doesn't travel all that well.
- She got sick in her baby carriage.
- Aw.
Oh, that little "neener pooter."
Don't worry about her. We're
gonna be traveling first class.
It's here, Mindy.
Oh, boy. Boy, we're gonna
go in style! We're gonna go...
Oh, shazbot. They
sent the compact model.
Oh, well, we'll just
have to make do.
Now, now, now,
just a minute, Mork.
The words "deep space" and
"make do" don't go together.
Oh, mon papa, ma familia,
don't you worry about a thing.
I have prepared for
everything that can be planned.
I've packed plenty of
Dramamine and Tang.
Has anyone seen my
Dramamine and Tang?
Uh, I packed it.
My wife. I think I'll keep her.
I packed a lunch for you.
And there's a piece of your
wedding cake in there too.
Oh, thanks, Grandma.
And we'll both bring you
back something from Ork.
Where are you going
to stay up there?
We're going first class.
We're staying at the Hotel
and Spa.
- You have reservations?
- No, it seems like a nice place.
Well, just remember, Mork.
That's pretty
valuable cargo there.
Oh, you're right. I really
am proud of this suitcase.
He meant me.
Oh. Don't you worry. Your
little girl is in very good hands.
Don't touch that!
You'll kill us all!
Good evening and welcome to
Air Ork's intergalactic traveler,
the Huevos Grande.
Now that we're in flight, be aware
of the total lack of safety measures.
First of all, we have no
exits, either front, back or side.
In case of emergency, a brown
paper bag will fall from the ceiling,
- which means absolutely nothing.
- Heh.
On this flight, our
in-flight movie will be
The High and the Mighty
and Fate is a Lonely Hunter.
Airport '79.
Okay. My turn.
I spy with my little eye
something starting
with the letter J.
I spy the planet
Jupiter. Ha, ha.
- Very good.
- That's hard to miss. It's so huge.
Okay, I spy with my little eye
something beginning
with the letter K.
K.
I see a meteor
coming right at us.
- You're supposed to say, "I spy," not...
- No!
Besides, meteor begins
with M... Yeah, it's a...
Meteor!
Mind, Mind, wake up. Look
on the scanner. We're here.
- Oh, Mork. Ork is beautiful.
- Well, yeah.
Just think, me, Mindy McConnell,
the first woman in space.
Well, you're not the first one.
There was a Russian lady, but
you're the first one that shaves her legs.
Aren't we going awfully fast?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
Mind, isn't it a kick?
Oh, there's the city
now. I better slow down.
Pity.
Welcoming you to Squelm
in the Elm Memorial Airport.
There will be a brief delay
due to the controllers' strike.
Don't stand up until we're
completely docked at the gate.
And observe the
"No Screaming" signs.
- Oh, Mork, Ork is just amazing.
- I know, Mind.
Look at this hotel.
Everything is just so futuristic.
This is one of the old
downtown hotels, Mind.
You should see the ones
on the Strip. Boy, Kenahara.
What are we gonna do first?
I just wanna do everything.
We'll go see my
old neighborhood,
if you don't mind
digging with your hands.
What? Ha, ha.
Oh. Na-no. Ha, ha.
Oh. Oh.
Na-no.
What's...? What's
that all about?
Oh, that's our version of
the National Enquirer, Mind.
Here you'll be a celebrity, because
they've never seen an Earthling before.
There's gonna be a little
giggling and gawking.
Like an Alexander
Haig press conference.
Na-no.
I suddenly feel very
tired and very out of place.
- Let's go to our room.
- All right.
- What did you say?
- I said you weren't that contagious.
And also I said you
were housebroken too.
May I help you?
Uh, yes. We have reservations
under the name of Mork.
Mind, why are
you talking to him?
He asked about our reservations.
Mind, that's a penguin. They don't
talk. They hardly ever take reservations.
Yes, Mork.
And this must be
your wife, the Earthling.
Well, it takes all kinds.
Orlando, this is taken care
of through, uh, Orson's office.
We'd like the special room
overlooking the ice machine.
The room won't be ready for
30 micro-bleems. Na-no, na-no.
Doesn't he look amazingly
like Elton John, Mind?
Mork, Orson carries a
lot of weight around here.
Couldn't we get him to
lean on the snippy little guy?
Listen, I'm your husband. I
don't need Orson's weight.
I have a lot of
clout around here.
I used to be the dinner
diver in the lobster tank.
If that penguin gives you
any trouble, wait right here.
Okay, I'll just browse.
Hello.
Why do I feel like
the Elephant Man?
Excuse me.
On Earth we don't poke
people we don't date.
Okay, that's enough.
No more poking.
Mork.
Oh, no, officers, they
didn't mean any harm.
I'm sure they've just
never... Wait a minute! Mork!
Wait. I'm an
American. Help! Mork!
Help!
Mind? Mind, I've
arranged for the room, hon.
Peekaboo.
Hope she didn't go in the
pool. It hasn't eaten yet today.
Hello, police?
My wife is missing.
She's an Earthling.
Yeah, she'll be the only one
who knows who Claude Akins is.
Oh, never mind.
Thank you anyway.
Mind.
Mind.
- Oh, Mork.
- Oh, Mind. Hope you're all right.
Oh, Mork, I was dragged out
of here by the space cadets.
And taken someplace for
this physical examination.
Oh, they paraded me around
and asked me questions I didn't
understand and gave me this.
I guess it's some sort
of a visa or something.
That wasn't a customs
office. That was a pet show.
What?
You didn't do too badly.
You took fourth place.
A pet show? Oh,
I'm so humiliated.
Oh, Mind, I know. You should have
at least won in the obedience class.
Oh, Mind, I don't
know what to...
Thank you. Oh, Mind,
I'm really sorry about that.
I'm sorry. I wanted to make the
honeymoon very, very special.
Oh, Mork, no, it's not your fault.
It's just been such a long trip. And...
And our rooms weren't ready.
In fourth place.
Mind! Mind.
I went to school
with his father.
I just need some rest.
Let's go to our room.
I admit I love your attitude.
You're hanging in there with me.
No wonder they call
you the better half.
Now the room's all set to go and let's
go upstairs and we'll play newlyweds,
you know, count
our savings bonds.
This is an
intergalactic class hotel.
They modify each room to satisfy
the needs of the specific alien.
It's gonna be like any
Ramada Inn on Earth,
right down to the little
paper sash on the commode.
Mork, it's customary to be
carried over the threshold.
Oh, all right, Mind,
but I'm a little heavy.
Me, not you.
Thanks, Mork, that
was real romantic.
Well, Mind, this is just
like any room on Earth.
I mean, lots of rooms I've seen on
Earth with floor paper and wall rugs.
- Ceiling chairs.
- Mork.
All right, Mind, they
screwed it up! I'm sorry!
It looks like it was
decorated by Fools-R-Us.
Oh, Mind, how could
they do this to me?
Oh! Too much coffee, Tom?
- Mork, it's all right.
- Oh, it is?
No, but you're distraught.
We'll talk about it later.
Oh, Mind, Mind. I just wanted our
honeymoon to be very, very special.
Oh, I know.
Look, the important thing is that
we're together, and it is our honeymoon.
Aw. In the dictionary it says,
"Compassionate, see you."
- I love you, Mork.
- I love you, Mind.
- Dong-ding?
- Dong-ding?
They can even
screw up a doorbell.
Oh, maybe it's the
bellhops with our luggage.
- Do you tip bellhops here on Ork?
- No. They're robots.
If you tip them, they
can't get back on their feet.
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
Oh, gosh, Mind! It's the
Peevee clones, Six and Seven.
- It's nice to meet you.
- You must be Mindy, his wife.
Whatever that is.
We heard you were back. We
could hardly wait to get up here.
Six thought it'd be funny if
we brought in your luggage.
Yeah, we had to tip the
robot. He's still out there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's out there.
His little feet just flailing away.
Mind, the clones and I, we
go way back. Remember?
Rick 'em, rack 'em, ruck 'em, ruck
'em, get that ball and really fight!
We used to sneak into the school
bathroom and tell, like, jokes, and I...
Well, you know, I got
caught for being funny,
and that's why I
was sent to Earth.
Wait till you hear
our latest Orson joke.
This is really gonna
shorten your circuits.
Okay, now, watch
those sides. Here goes.
Orson is a big...
- Fatso!
- Fatso!
I can see why you were
the only one caught.
We might as well
make ourselves at home.
Might as well. We've got a lot
of catching up for Mork to do.
Hey, Mork, your human friend is
really going to appreciate this one.
How many Earthlings does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know.
How many Earthlings does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
- One.
- One.
They're gone, Mind.
Mork, I've had colds that didn't
hang on as long as the Peevee clones.
I thought they'd take the hint
when we put on our nightgowns.
I thought they'd take the hint
when we told them to get out.
Especially after they referred
to me as "your creature."
Well...
I guess we're alone now.
I guess so.
Just the two of us, huh?
Yep. Looks that way.
- On our honeymoon night.
- Yep.
Sure is dark.
Sure is.
Well, it's our wedding night.
I'd better not put this
off any longer, huh?
Guess not.
Bette Davis eyes
MORK: Night, Mind.
What was that?
That's the ancient Orkan
honeymoon ritual. Good night, Mind.
The honeymoon ritual is
a little different on Earth.
What's different, Mind? No mask?
Hardly.
My father gave me this
marriage manual to give to you.
I told him he was crazy.
That's one for Dad.
Read this. MORK: Now?
Please.
Cute pictures.
Just read, Mork.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hm.
Whoa. Heh.
Okay, all done.
Is there anything
you don't understand?
No, clear as a bell, Mind. I...
I'm just gonna step in the
bathroom for just a minute.
Mork.
Mork, are you all right?
- Did that book upset you?
- No! Not at all. Really, Mind.
I'm just gonna sleep on the bathroom
floor tonight and maybe forever.
That's ridiculous. You're not
gonna sleep in the bathroom.
Now, come out here.
I wanna talk to you.
No way, Jose. No chance, Lance.
Not tonight, Irving,
I have a headache!
Mork, you're my husband. I'm not
gonna let you sleep in the bathroom.
If you don't come out, I'll
come in there and get you.
Aha! I'll lock the door.
Stupid Orkans forgot
to put a lock on the door!
They probably didn't
think we'd need one.
Now, come on, Mork,
come out of there.
Mork.
Mork? All right,
I'm coming in there.
Mork!
Mork, come back.
Don't run away. Mork.
We should have
gone to Niagara Falls.
Mork.
Mork, where are you?
I know you're here someplace.
Mork, this is our honeymoon.
Is this really the way you
wanna start out our marriage?
Mork not here right now!
Mork, will you come out here,
please? I need to talk to you.
I can't, Mind... Oh, he can't!
Mork.
Mind.
You knew it was me
all along, didn't you?
Psychic.
Well, I wasn't
really running away.
I just like to
hyperventilate alone.
You know, Mork,
I think I realize for the first
time how you must feel on Earth.
- I don't know how you cope.
- I've got you to take care of me.
Aw.
I haven't told you this, but, you know,
I think Ork is really a lovely planet.
I mean, the three
moons are very romantic.
Mm-hm.
And this garden,
it's... It's beautiful.
Look, these flowers look
almost exactly like Earth roses.
They should look
exactly like Earth roses.
I've been sending them
here for three years now.
You see, I wanted to share a
little bit of Earth's beauty with Ork.
Oh, Mork, you never told
me that. That's so nice.
They're not as beautiful
as you are, though.
Oh, thanks.
Now, you wanna tell
me what's bothering you?
I'm scared.
Oh, Mork.
Come over here.
Oh, Mork, everyone's
scared of getting married.
It's a new experience.
It's a normal emotion.
- It is?
- Sure.
Oh, Mork, just think, someday
we might have children
and I'm scared to death of that.
But I know that you'll be
there to help me get through it.
See, that's the really
wonderful thing about marriage,
is you have a
friend who loves you
and a partner who helps
you through the rough times.
This friend and partner isn't ashamed
of the other friend and partner?
No, not if they love each other.
- Oh, trouble, Mind.
- For picking a rose?
Yeah, we better walk fast. This
is a national monument, Mind.
Picking that rose would
be the same on Earth
as if you plucked one of
Brooke Shields' eyebrows.
Back in the room again, huh?
- Looks that way.
- Yeah, looks that way.
Well, back in the
room again. Heh.
Sounds like a
Willie Nelson song.
Well, um, wanna
watch a little TV, Mind?
Orson Knows Best is on.
No, Mork, I'd rather talk.
You know, Mork, until
today, I never really realized
what it's like to be a
stranger on a strange planet.
But as bizarre and as
scary as Ork has been to me,
at least I've been
here with you.
Yeah, you got it there, kid.
It's just you and me, sweetheart.
ONE AND TWO: Guess again.
- They're back.
- No, no. Mind, Mind, Mind.
That was Peevee
clones Six and Seven.
These are One and
Two, the originals.
Do you wanna hear
our latest Orson joke?
Mind, you think Six and Seven are
funny, these clones wrote the book.
Okay, now, hold onto
those sides. Here goes.
Orson is a big...
Fatso.
- Mork.
- Fatso!
- You didn't laugh the first time.
- I know, Mind, but I just got it.
Oh, honey, your
delivery's incredible.
"Fatso." Just the
way you said "fatso."
- She's funny.
- She's funny.
You think she's funny,
wait till you read this. Ha, ha.
Check that one out for a week, and
let me know when you figure it out.
Check that one out.
Rick 'em, rack 'em, ruck 'em, ruck
'em, get that ball and really fight!
- They're gone.
- They're gone.
- Here we are in the room again.
- Yeah.
- Just the two of us.
- Looks that way.
I just want you to know I think I
understand your Earth customs.
- You do?
- Yeah, and I really do care.
Oh, Mork.
Just one thing.
Would you wear the
chicken head tonight?
You're doing great, Mind.
- Thanks.
Just stay in your lane. - Okay.
We should really send
Orson a nice thank you note.
- Yeah.
- Because I had a great time.
Oh, me too.
Mork!
You know what my
favorite part was?
- What?
- Guess.
- The pillow fight?
- No.
Yeah, well... No, my
favorite part was...
My favorite part was
waking up in the morning
and seeing you laying there next to
me and knowing for the rest of my life
your face will be the first one
I wake up to every morning.
Oh, ditto, Mind.
- And I've got one thing to say to you.
- What?
Meteor!