Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 19 - Gotta Run: Part 1 - full transcript
Mork befriends a Neptunian who has an Earth wife of his own.
Na-no, na-no.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Fat Masterson.
Hola! Orson is no in casa.
This is the
housekeeper, Keezbalita.
Talk fast, I'm watching
The Edge of Ork.
When will he be
back, Keezbalita?
He's at his club.
He get drunk and then
he come home and say:
"Keezbalita, I want you bad."
Gotta go now. Elizabeth
Taylor's on. Boy.
Adiós, you fine young thing.
I should never have given her
that Fernando Valenzuela poster.
Hello, Mom?
Mom?
Mom, can you hear me?
Oh, excuse me.
I'm awfully sorry, my friend.
I was just trying to call
my mother on Neptune.
Oh, you're from Neptune?
You don't know Bobby
Gleepglow, do you?
Are you kidding?
I dated his sister.
Are you kidding? That
gorgeous bald girl?
- Uh-huh!
- Whoa!
My name is Kalnik, but
please, call me Kal, okay?
Everybody does except my
car salesman who calls me "guy."
"Hey, guy, what you doing? Guy."
Well, na-no. I'm Mork from Ork.
- Oh! I'm sorr...
- Oh.
Sorry, I have been
on Earth for so long,
I'm starting to pick up
their primitive customs.
You know, lately I've even started
raising my arms on roller coasters:
- Oh! You live on Earth? Me too.
- Mm-hm.
- No.
- What do you do?
Well, I'm an observer,
and I enjoy folk dancing.
- I'm an observer also.
- Yeah?
Yup, in my spare time
I'm a homemaker, though.
Yeah, I like to
take care of my son,
and one day hope to make
big money stuffing envelopes.
- You're married, huh?
- Yeah.
Me too, but don't laugh, okay?
- She's an Earth girl.
- Oh!
- Whoa. So's mine.
- No.
- Does yours use Noxzema?
- Yes!
Does yours buy those little soaps
that she won't let you wash with?
- Oh, what a small galaxy.
- Oh, what a small galaxy.
So you dated Bobby
Gleepglow's sister?
Yes, have you heard from her?
Well, I don't wanna
spread any rumors,
but I heard that she's
turned amphibious.
No.
Really: cootchie-cootchie.
- Yeah.
- Ha-ha!
I'm really glad it's raining.
That bully that keeps beating
me up across the street,
he has to stay in too.
Shh! Mearth, Daddy's working.
Are you kidding? He isn't working.
He watches Love Boat the same way.
Well, when he watches
Love Boat he keeps mumbling:
"Is Dennis Cole on again?"
Why don't you go and
get out of your wet slicker?
No, I don't wanna get out
of my wet slicker, okay?
- I wanna stay in my wet slicker.
- Mearth...
Celeste. I've asked you
never to come aboard.
Not at a time, we're entering
heavy gales, northeast by southwest
by southeast by southwest
by northeast. Go below.
Take those groceries,
help yourself.
Be careful of the cabin boy.
He's small and tiny, and he bites.
Oh! Look at those:
Oh, seaweed.
Who knows, it might be
in a Nantucket museum.
Save it. It was
aboard the Pequot.
When will we see the whales,
sir? When will we see the whale?
Well, you can't miss
it. They're quite large.
They have Gregory
Peck on it, just like this:
Your little girl, she'll be
on the bow, just like this:
- Captain, sir.
- Yes?
- Captain, sir?
- Yes.
The storm is breaking.
Is it?
Yes.
I think you should go and
change into your jammies.
- I think you're right.
- Good.
The crew was out of line anyway.
- They were talking mutiny, Mommy.
- Mearth.
Mind? Oh, Mind, Mind,
put away those groceries
and do something to your hair.
Put some magnetic beads in
because we're stepping
out with a terrific couple.
Mork, I told you I'm not going
to the Salvation Army luau
with Exidor and his sister.
Mind, that's next week.
Tonight we're going out with our new
best friends, Kal and Tracy Andrews.
Now, I wish you'd
checked with me first.
You know what happens every
time we go out with another couple.
We can never get close
enough to them to stay friends.
I mean, they brag
about their kids,
and we have to pass Mearth off
as a visiting professor from Ceylon.
Mindy, come on. We won't have to
do any of that stuff for these people.
Why? Are they blind?
You don't see.
They're just like us.
I mean, she's from Chicago,
and he's from Neptune.
- There's life on Neptune?
- Well, not after dark.
Well, except for one little
rib place in the inner city.
They also serve seafood. You can
get my man, lobster. What's happening?
Now, this couple,
they are normal, right?
I mean, Kal doesn't have three
heads or eat wood or anything?
No, I don't eat wood, although
mahogany does make great croutons.
And they never get soggy.
- Hi, I'm Kal.
- Hi, I'm embarrassed.
- Hey, paisano.
- Hey.
Kal, I'd like you to
meet my main gal here,
the light of my life, the
one I give my extra pickle to.
And I would like you to meet
the only girl in the universe for me.
Unfortunately, she couldn't
make it, so I had to bring my wife.
He always says that.
Oh, I'm so happy
to meet both of you.
You know, my favorite
cousin's name is Mindy.
What a coincidence.
Mindy's name is Mindy.
Mindy, Mork tells me
you're in television.
Maybe... Maybe you
can answer this for me.
Why is there no Channel 1?
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, uh...
Well, see, uh, when television
was first invented, uh...
No, see, the FCC has special
frequency regulations and, uh...
I haven't the faintest idea.
The search goes on.
She may not know, but she
can adjust the vertical hold,
if you catch my drift. - Oh!
Well, how did you two meet?
Well, I was working as a nurse's aide
when Kal came in with re-entry burns.
Oh, it's okay.
And out of all the girls
on Earth, he chose me.
You know, Mindy, we
must be the two luckiest girls
since the other
two Mandrell sisters.
- Your champagne, sir.
- Oh, thank you, Chuck.
- I'll do the honors. Thank you.
- Very good, sir.
I think you'll like this one.
It's from the Chateau
region of Arkansas.
"Eau de Billy Bob." Heh.
See, it says, "Bottled
somewhere near the house."
Squeal! Heh-heh.
Oh, there we go. Little
touch there. There we are.
Whoo!
Party! Boom!
You are my kind of guy, Mork.
I never had a friend
like you, Kal. You know,
we are gonna be closer
than Karen Black's eyes.
Oh, Mork, why don't we sit down
and talk seriously for a moment, okay?
I think you're right,
Kal. How about this?
Famine, flood and
Alexander Haig, huh?
Mork, have you ever noticed
that this planet offers opportunities
that a couple of guys like us
could really take advantage of?
I mean, aren't you tired of just
sitting around being an observer
when it would be so easy to just
step in and take a piece of the action?
You and I could really accomplish
something very significant here.
Oh.
Really?
You mean, like
change the smell of tar?
That's not exactly
what I had in mind.
Wow.
Company. Are you
anybody I should know?
Kal, Tracy, this is
our little bundle of joy,
our bouncing baby-man, Mearth.
- Hey.
- Hi, Mearth.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yes, and he's even...
And he's even cuter when
he's upstairs asleep in his bed,
- aren't you, Mearth?
- Oh, uh, uh-oh!
Come on. What's the good of
having a kid if he can't come down
and show off for company a little
bit? Mearthy, do something wonderful,
that thing that
Daddy loves so much.
These slippers are a cheat. Heh.
Whoa, eh, you're a little boy.
He is so fun. It's amazing.
- Isn't he something?
- Incredible. Very talented.
Well, if you like that, how about
my impression of Gary Cooper?
Why don't you do Gary Cooper
sleeping in the bunkhouse? Hmm?
Okay. Okay, Mommy.
Well, I'll be moseying along.
I'll be going to the bunkhouse.
I'm a little uneasy about
that because of those bunkies.
Tomorrow at 12:10-30,
they're gonna hang me.
I hope the guy has a sense of humor.
Last year he used a rubber band.
You kids wait here. I'll be right
back. Mearth won't go to bed
unless I show him a picture of
the bogeyman getting on a plane.
Oh, you go right ahead.
Are you satisfied
with the Orkan?
He may be a feeb,
but he still has great powers,
though they're no match for mine.
- I can mold him into whatever I want.
- What about the woman?
She's of no use to us.
She'll have to be eliminated.
And the child?
The son, Mearth, is
nothing but a useless mutant,
and he does a lousy Gary Cooper.
Oh! Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
- Oh. Ha-ha.
We were just talking about
how precious your child is.
No, you weren't. I heard
exactly what you said.
How dare you talk
about our son like that?
I think you two had better leave.
- Oh. Whoa-ho.
What's wrong, Mind, did they
use those little soaps of yours?
They just called
your son a mutant.
How can you say something
so cruel about a special boy
- that's never hurt anybody?
- Oh, hey, space-bro, lighten up.
What are you getting
so upset about?
I mean, we have important
business to talk about.
We have nothing to discuss.
You should leave right now.
Look, I didn't wanna
say this, but let's face it,
he's nothing but
a hefty half-breed.
No one calls my son a
mutant. You should take a hike.
You could have been my ally.
But you've made your choice.
You'll live to regret this,
Orkan, but not for long.
Tracy, come.
Oh, remember, Mindy, you owe
me that carrot-cake recipe. Night.
Well, we'll show them.
Give them your grandmother's
carrot-cake recipe.
They'll starve to death
trying to read her handwriting.
Mommy,
you'd better hurry
up and get out here.
It's time you get out here.
If you take longer, I'm gonna
start getting interested in girls.
I know you're in there,
Mommy. I know you're in there.
Now, I'm going to count to ten.
If you're not out here
by the time I count to ten,
I'll make a lot of
long-distance calls at random.
Like Berlin, London,
Paris, Frankfurt, Fayetteville.
Mommy.
Okay, I'll use the old saver.
- Oh, Mommy, Mommy,
Mommy. Ah! MINDY: Mearth.
- I'm sorry, sweetheart.
- My tiny heart left my body.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to frighten you.
I've been waiting downstairs.
I thought you'd slipped out for a
moment. I was irrigating my ant farm.
We'll wanna get to the park
before the winos wake up.
- Here, here's your jacket.
- Okay.
Oh, you're gonna love flying
your kite in the park, Mearth,
- and running.
- I don't wanna... I don't wanna run.
I'll just walk briskly.
Oh, hi. Heh.
- What's wrong?
- Oh, nothing.
- Good. We're going.
- No, you're not!
Oh, there's someone
following me!
Mork, you have been
doing this for three days.
Now, no one is following you.
So Kal made a few idle threats.
That doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
Look at Reagan.
Mind, you don't know Neptunians.
They end their national
anthem with a human sacrifice.
Mork, you can stay in here
and be afraid of your shadow,
or you can come with us.
- Bye.
- Okay. Come on, Mearth.
- Bye.
- See you, Dad.
There's no wind
out there anyway.
Mork, are you in there? It's
Tracy. Please, open the door.
I can't. My Mommy
and Daddy are sleeping.
Oh, Mork, please, I have
to talk to you. Let me in.
I'm alone.
Oh, sure. And Tip O'Neill
wears tapered shirts.
If you won't believe me, why
don't you check for yourself?
- Please.
- All right.
I think I'll just do that.
Kal, are you out there?
Kal, are you out there?
Well, that's good enough for me.
- Oh, Mork. Oh, Mork.
- Oh, it's all right.
Mork, you were the only
person I could turn to.
My life has fallen apart.
I've left Kal.
I should have known he was
evil when he laughed at Old Yeller.
- Oh! That macho pig. Macho pig.
- Yeah.
Oh...
I have tried to be a good wife.
I washed his clothes.
I darned his socks.
I even jogged for him
so he could sleep late.
Oh, that's all... Oh, wait,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
There we go. There we
go. Okay, there we go.
Oh, come on, it's all right.
Yeah.
- Oh, Mork.
- Feel better?
Yeah.
You're so sweet.
Heh.
I have to tell you,
Kal didn't meet you by accident.
It was all part of his plan.
He was just using you.
I feel so cheap.
He just wanted
to pick your brain
to find out what your ultimate
mission was here on Earth.
Well, originally, I was
sent to observe the culture,
but now I just want to see if
Nightline knocks off Carson.
Why do you want to know?
Why? Oh.
Oh, Mork, I'm just being silly.
It's just that I haven't had a chance
to chat with anyone since Kal left me.
Kal left you. I thought
you said you left Kal.
I did? Well, we both left
at the same time. Heh.
Wait a minute. You're trying to pull
the Dacron over my eyes here. Wait.
Who do you think I am? The
American people? Come on, now.
Oh, my little Morkie Pie.
What difference does it make?
Just as long as we're together.
Oh. Heh-heh.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I know I'm irresistible,
but I have a wife and child.
I can't support them,
but I've got them.
No, no, no.
I just wanna know
what pleases you.
I wanna know your joys,
- your problems.
- No.
Stand back! No.
Well, the only problems I have is I
really can't find a decent FM station.
No, no, no, please, no, no, no,
please, no, no, no, wait, time-out.
Now, let's look
at this rationally.
You and I are married people.
And besides, I
can't keep this up.
I mean, I'm beginning
to hyperventilate. Please.
- Good, I just love a heavy breather.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Daddy, are you
telling her a story?
- What is going on?
- Oh, Mind.
Mind, Mind, Mind.
Mind, Mind, you know me.
Nothing is going on.
Nothing is going on here.
You know me. I'm straighter
than Chinese children's bangs.
- Mearth, go to your room.
- Ma...
I still think that someday this
will make a very sensitive movie.
No, Mind, now,
come on. No, no, no.
Mind, you know I'd
never cheat on you.
Except in Monopoly
when I'm the banker.
Mork,
I'm sure that there's a
perfectly logical explanation.
Oh, there sure is.
And you've got five
seconds to give it to me.
Oh, no pressure. Oh, Mind, she
just can't keep her hands off me.
That's not the right
thing to say. I know.
Tracy, come on, now.
I mean, tell her, tell her.
Your marriage may be over, but
we just got our monogrammed towels.
You take your hands off... Ah!
You didn't have
to take her literally.
I have a feeling she's
not from Chicago.
What a pair of feebs.
I am programmed to extract
and transmit information
for my master, Kal.
You're an android.
Affirmative. And
I am also a bomb.
Oh, what a difference...
A bomb! Hide!
Gosh, it's incredible.
What a mess.
Are you all right?
Oh, Mommy,
I wouldn't count on getting my
cleaning deposit back on this place.
Everything okay, Mork? Mork.
- You still think I'm paranoid, Mind?
- No.
Kal is after us.
Oh...
We gotta find someplace
where he won't go.
- Where?
- I don't know.
I was hoping you'd know.
I can't leave. My
guppy's expecting.
I'll go get the photo
album and your jewelry.
- You get the Veg-O-Matic.
- No.
We gotta get out of here
before Kal comes back.
- Yeah, you're right. Come on, son.
- Guppy's on her own.
Come on.
This stuff will all be
here when we come back.
I don't know, Mork.
I have a feeling we're never
gonna see this place again.
Come on, we gotta
get out of here.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Fat Masterson.
Hola! Orson is no in casa.
This is the
housekeeper, Keezbalita.
Talk fast, I'm watching
The Edge of Ork.
When will he be
back, Keezbalita?
He's at his club.
He get drunk and then
he come home and say:
"Keezbalita, I want you bad."
Gotta go now. Elizabeth
Taylor's on. Boy.
Adiós, you fine young thing.
I should never have given her
that Fernando Valenzuela poster.
Hello, Mom?
Mom?
Mom, can you hear me?
Oh, excuse me.
I'm awfully sorry, my friend.
I was just trying to call
my mother on Neptune.
Oh, you're from Neptune?
You don't know Bobby
Gleepglow, do you?
Are you kidding?
I dated his sister.
Are you kidding? That
gorgeous bald girl?
- Uh-huh!
- Whoa!
My name is Kalnik, but
please, call me Kal, okay?
Everybody does except my
car salesman who calls me "guy."
"Hey, guy, what you doing? Guy."
Well, na-no. I'm Mork from Ork.
- Oh! I'm sorr...
- Oh.
Sorry, I have been
on Earth for so long,
I'm starting to pick up
their primitive customs.
You know, lately I've even started
raising my arms on roller coasters:
- Oh! You live on Earth? Me too.
- Mm-hm.
- No.
- What do you do?
Well, I'm an observer,
and I enjoy folk dancing.
- I'm an observer also.
- Yeah?
Yup, in my spare time
I'm a homemaker, though.
Yeah, I like to
take care of my son,
and one day hope to make
big money stuffing envelopes.
- You're married, huh?
- Yeah.
Me too, but don't laugh, okay?
- She's an Earth girl.
- Oh!
- Whoa. So's mine.
- No.
- Does yours use Noxzema?
- Yes!
Does yours buy those little soaps
that she won't let you wash with?
- Oh, what a small galaxy.
- Oh, what a small galaxy.
So you dated Bobby
Gleepglow's sister?
Yes, have you heard from her?
Well, I don't wanna
spread any rumors,
but I heard that she's
turned amphibious.
No.
Really: cootchie-cootchie.
- Yeah.
- Ha-ha!
I'm really glad it's raining.
That bully that keeps beating
me up across the street,
he has to stay in too.
Shh! Mearth, Daddy's working.
Are you kidding? He isn't working.
He watches Love Boat the same way.
Well, when he watches
Love Boat he keeps mumbling:
"Is Dennis Cole on again?"
Why don't you go and
get out of your wet slicker?
No, I don't wanna get out
of my wet slicker, okay?
- I wanna stay in my wet slicker.
- Mearth...
Celeste. I've asked you
never to come aboard.
Not at a time, we're entering
heavy gales, northeast by southwest
by southeast by southwest
by northeast. Go below.
Take those groceries,
help yourself.
Be careful of the cabin boy.
He's small and tiny, and he bites.
Oh! Look at those:
Oh, seaweed.
Who knows, it might be
in a Nantucket museum.
Save it. It was
aboard the Pequot.
When will we see the whales,
sir? When will we see the whale?
Well, you can't miss
it. They're quite large.
They have Gregory
Peck on it, just like this:
Your little girl, she'll be
on the bow, just like this:
- Captain, sir.
- Yes?
- Captain, sir?
- Yes.
The storm is breaking.
Is it?
Yes.
I think you should go and
change into your jammies.
- I think you're right.
- Good.
The crew was out of line anyway.
- They were talking mutiny, Mommy.
- Mearth.
Mind? Oh, Mind, Mind,
put away those groceries
and do something to your hair.
Put some magnetic beads in
because we're stepping
out with a terrific couple.
Mork, I told you I'm not going
to the Salvation Army luau
with Exidor and his sister.
Mind, that's next week.
Tonight we're going out with our new
best friends, Kal and Tracy Andrews.
Now, I wish you'd
checked with me first.
You know what happens every
time we go out with another couple.
We can never get close
enough to them to stay friends.
I mean, they brag
about their kids,
and we have to pass Mearth off
as a visiting professor from Ceylon.
Mindy, come on. We won't have to
do any of that stuff for these people.
Why? Are they blind?
You don't see.
They're just like us.
I mean, she's from Chicago,
and he's from Neptune.
- There's life on Neptune?
- Well, not after dark.
Well, except for one little
rib place in the inner city.
They also serve seafood. You can
get my man, lobster. What's happening?
Now, this couple,
they are normal, right?
I mean, Kal doesn't have three
heads or eat wood or anything?
No, I don't eat wood, although
mahogany does make great croutons.
And they never get soggy.
- Hi, I'm Kal.
- Hi, I'm embarrassed.
- Hey, paisano.
- Hey.
Kal, I'd like you to
meet my main gal here,
the light of my life, the
one I give my extra pickle to.
And I would like you to meet
the only girl in the universe for me.
Unfortunately, she couldn't
make it, so I had to bring my wife.
He always says that.
Oh, I'm so happy
to meet both of you.
You know, my favorite
cousin's name is Mindy.
What a coincidence.
Mindy's name is Mindy.
Mindy, Mork tells me
you're in television.
Maybe... Maybe you
can answer this for me.
Why is there no Channel 1?
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, uh...
Well, see, uh, when television
was first invented, uh...
No, see, the FCC has special
frequency regulations and, uh...
I haven't the faintest idea.
The search goes on.
She may not know, but she
can adjust the vertical hold,
if you catch my drift. - Oh!
Well, how did you two meet?
Well, I was working as a nurse's aide
when Kal came in with re-entry burns.
Oh, it's okay.
And out of all the girls
on Earth, he chose me.
You know, Mindy, we
must be the two luckiest girls
since the other
two Mandrell sisters.
- Your champagne, sir.
- Oh, thank you, Chuck.
- I'll do the honors. Thank you.
- Very good, sir.
I think you'll like this one.
It's from the Chateau
region of Arkansas.
"Eau de Billy Bob." Heh.
See, it says, "Bottled
somewhere near the house."
Squeal! Heh-heh.
Oh, there we go. Little
touch there. There we are.
Whoo!
Party! Boom!
You are my kind of guy, Mork.
I never had a friend
like you, Kal. You know,
we are gonna be closer
than Karen Black's eyes.
Oh, Mork, why don't we sit down
and talk seriously for a moment, okay?
I think you're right,
Kal. How about this?
Famine, flood and
Alexander Haig, huh?
Mork, have you ever noticed
that this planet offers opportunities
that a couple of guys like us
could really take advantage of?
I mean, aren't you tired of just
sitting around being an observer
when it would be so easy to just
step in and take a piece of the action?
You and I could really accomplish
something very significant here.
Oh.
Really?
You mean, like
change the smell of tar?
That's not exactly
what I had in mind.
Wow.
Company. Are you
anybody I should know?
Kal, Tracy, this is
our little bundle of joy,
our bouncing baby-man, Mearth.
- Hey.
- Hi, Mearth.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yes, and he's even...
And he's even cuter when
he's upstairs asleep in his bed,
- aren't you, Mearth?
- Oh, uh, uh-oh!
Come on. What's the good of
having a kid if he can't come down
and show off for company a little
bit? Mearthy, do something wonderful,
that thing that
Daddy loves so much.
These slippers are a cheat. Heh.
Whoa, eh, you're a little boy.
He is so fun. It's amazing.
- Isn't he something?
- Incredible. Very talented.
Well, if you like that, how about
my impression of Gary Cooper?
Why don't you do Gary Cooper
sleeping in the bunkhouse? Hmm?
Okay. Okay, Mommy.
Well, I'll be moseying along.
I'll be going to the bunkhouse.
I'm a little uneasy about
that because of those bunkies.
Tomorrow at 12:10-30,
they're gonna hang me.
I hope the guy has a sense of humor.
Last year he used a rubber band.
You kids wait here. I'll be right
back. Mearth won't go to bed
unless I show him a picture of
the bogeyman getting on a plane.
Oh, you go right ahead.
Are you satisfied
with the Orkan?
He may be a feeb,
but he still has great powers,
though they're no match for mine.
- I can mold him into whatever I want.
- What about the woman?
She's of no use to us.
She'll have to be eliminated.
And the child?
The son, Mearth, is
nothing but a useless mutant,
and he does a lousy Gary Cooper.
Oh! Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
- Oh. Ha-ha.
We were just talking about
how precious your child is.
No, you weren't. I heard
exactly what you said.
How dare you talk
about our son like that?
I think you two had better leave.
- Oh. Whoa-ho.
What's wrong, Mind, did they
use those little soaps of yours?
They just called
your son a mutant.
How can you say something
so cruel about a special boy
- that's never hurt anybody?
- Oh, hey, space-bro, lighten up.
What are you getting
so upset about?
I mean, we have important
business to talk about.
We have nothing to discuss.
You should leave right now.
Look, I didn't wanna
say this, but let's face it,
he's nothing but
a hefty half-breed.
No one calls my son a
mutant. You should take a hike.
You could have been my ally.
But you've made your choice.
You'll live to regret this,
Orkan, but not for long.
Tracy, come.
Oh, remember, Mindy, you owe
me that carrot-cake recipe. Night.
Well, we'll show them.
Give them your grandmother's
carrot-cake recipe.
They'll starve to death
trying to read her handwriting.
Mommy,
you'd better hurry
up and get out here.
It's time you get out here.
If you take longer, I'm gonna
start getting interested in girls.
I know you're in there,
Mommy. I know you're in there.
Now, I'm going to count to ten.
If you're not out here
by the time I count to ten,
I'll make a lot of
long-distance calls at random.
Like Berlin, London,
Paris, Frankfurt, Fayetteville.
Mommy.
Okay, I'll use the old saver.
- Oh, Mommy, Mommy,
Mommy. Ah! MINDY: Mearth.
- I'm sorry, sweetheart.
- My tiny heart left my body.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to frighten you.
I've been waiting downstairs.
I thought you'd slipped out for a
moment. I was irrigating my ant farm.
We'll wanna get to the park
before the winos wake up.
- Here, here's your jacket.
- Okay.
Oh, you're gonna love flying
your kite in the park, Mearth,
- and running.
- I don't wanna... I don't wanna run.
I'll just walk briskly.
Oh, hi. Heh.
- What's wrong?
- Oh, nothing.
- Good. We're going.
- No, you're not!
Oh, there's someone
following me!
Mork, you have been
doing this for three days.
Now, no one is following you.
So Kal made a few idle threats.
That doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
Look at Reagan.
Mind, you don't know Neptunians.
They end their national
anthem with a human sacrifice.
Mork, you can stay in here
and be afraid of your shadow,
or you can come with us.
- Bye.
- Okay. Come on, Mearth.
- Bye.
- See you, Dad.
There's no wind
out there anyway.
Mork, are you in there? It's
Tracy. Please, open the door.
I can't. My Mommy
and Daddy are sleeping.
Oh, Mork, please, I have
to talk to you. Let me in.
I'm alone.
Oh, sure. And Tip O'Neill
wears tapered shirts.
If you won't believe me, why
don't you check for yourself?
- Please.
- All right.
I think I'll just do that.
Kal, are you out there?
Kal, are you out there?
Well, that's good enough for me.
- Oh, Mork. Oh, Mork.
- Oh, it's all right.
Mork, you were the only
person I could turn to.
My life has fallen apart.
I've left Kal.
I should have known he was
evil when he laughed at Old Yeller.
- Oh! That macho pig. Macho pig.
- Yeah.
Oh...
I have tried to be a good wife.
I washed his clothes.
I darned his socks.
I even jogged for him
so he could sleep late.
Oh, that's all... Oh, wait,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
There we go. There we
go. Okay, there we go.
Oh, come on, it's all right.
Yeah.
- Oh, Mork.
- Feel better?
Yeah.
You're so sweet.
Heh.
I have to tell you,
Kal didn't meet you by accident.
It was all part of his plan.
He was just using you.
I feel so cheap.
He just wanted
to pick your brain
to find out what your ultimate
mission was here on Earth.
Well, originally, I was
sent to observe the culture,
but now I just want to see if
Nightline knocks off Carson.
Why do you want to know?
Why? Oh.
Oh, Mork, I'm just being silly.
It's just that I haven't had a chance
to chat with anyone since Kal left me.
Kal left you. I thought
you said you left Kal.
I did? Well, we both left
at the same time. Heh.
Wait a minute. You're trying to pull
the Dacron over my eyes here. Wait.
Who do you think I am? The
American people? Come on, now.
Oh, my little Morkie Pie.
What difference does it make?
Just as long as we're together.
Oh. Heh-heh.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I know I'm irresistible,
but I have a wife and child.
I can't support them,
but I've got them.
No, no, no.
I just wanna know
what pleases you.
I wanna know your joys,
- your problems.
- No.
Stand back! No.
Well, the only problems I have is I
really can't find a decent FM station.
No, no, no, please, no, no, no,
please, no, no, no, wait, time-out.
Now, let's look
at this rationally.
You and I are married people.
And besides, I
can't keep this up.
I mean, I'm beginning
to hyperventilate. Please.
- Good, I just love a heavy breather.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Daddy, are you
telling her a story?
- What is going on?
- Oh, Mind.
Mind, Mind, Mind.
Mind, Mind, you know me.
Nothing is going on.
Nothing is going on here.
You know me. I'm straighter
than Chinese children's bangs.
- Mearth, go to your room.
- Ma...
I still think that someday this
will make a very sensitive movie.
No, Mind, now,
come on. No, no, no.
Mind, you know I'd
never cheat on you.
Except in Monopoly
when I'm the banker.
Mork,
I'm sure that there's a
perfectly logical explanation.
Oh, there sure is.
And you've got five
seconds to give it to me.
Oh, no pressure. Oh, Mind, she
just can't keep her hands off me.
That's not the right
thing to say. I know.
Tracy, come on, now.
I mean, tell her, tell her.
Your marriage may be over, but
we just got our monogrammed towels.
You take your hands off... Ah!
You didn't have
to take her literally.
I have a feeling she's
not from Chicago.
What a pair of feebs.
I am programmed to extract
and transmit information
for my master, Kal.
You're an android.
Affirmative. And
I am also a bomb.
Oh, what a difference...
A bomb! Hide!
Gosh, it's incredible.
What a mess.
Are you all right?
Oh, Mommy,
I wouldn't count on getting my
cleaning deposit back on this place.
Everything okay, Mork? Mork.
- You still think I'm paranoid, Mind?
- No.
Kal is after us.
Oh...
We gotta find someplace
where he won't go.
- Where?
- I don't know.
I was hoping you'd know.
I can't leave. My
guppy's expecting.
I'll go get the photo
album and your jewelry.
- You get the Veg-O-Matic.
- No.
We gotta get out of here
before Kal comes back.
- Yeah, you're right. Come on, son.
- Guppy's on her own.
Come on.
This stuff will all be
here when we come back.
I don't know, Mork.
I have a feeling we're never
gonna see this place again.
Come on, we gotta
get out of here.