Moonlighting (1985–1989): Season 5, Episode 8 - Those Lips, Those Lies - full transcript

Hold it. Hold it.

Where's AI?

Where's he at?

-Anybody seen AI Jarreau?
-David.

We're ready to start the show.

We can't start without the theme music
and Al's not here.

-Really?
-Yes, really.

That's not like AI.

Seen him?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Did someone tell AI...

...about the move to Sunday night?



The lady asked a question.

That's a negative, Miss Hayes.

-Great.
-Why didn't somebody call?

-You can't talk like that.
-What?

-Like you just talked.
-Why not?

It's 8:00 Sunday night.
There are kids watching.

You're gonna have to clean
your mouth up.

They're supposed to be
in bed by now.

From now on,
ixnay on sexual innuendo.

No more double entendres,
off colour remarks.

No more of this?

What are we gonna do
for the next 85 pages?

Solve entertaining mysteries.

We're not gonna have a show.



We can't start the show without
the theme song and Al's not here.

-Oh, yeah. Roll the credits.
-What are you gonna do?

Hold it. Hold it.

What?

These people ate
a large meal out there.

You're gonna put them
in coma singing like that. Roll the tape.

What?

Cut it. Cut it.

-I'm, like, the new Perry Como.
-Wonderful.

If you'll sing like that,
join a garage band.

-You don't like the way I sing?
-Can't you hear the dogs howling?

I heard, but I didn't think
it had anything to do with this.

What are we gonna do?

-Come on, Herbert.
-I don't want to.

-You have to.
-Oh, no.

-I got a bad feeling.
-They'll be bloodshed if you don't.

All right.

Hit it.

He's so talented.

-Richie.
-What?

What if someone can see us?

Close your eyes
and you won't see them.

Now, close your eyes.
I mean it. Close your eyes.

Close your eyes. Keep them closed.

Don't-- Not now, not now.
Keep them closed.

What are you doing?

Don't look.

Not yet.

Now.

Oh, Richie.

Oh, it's beautiful.

That was my grandmother's
engagement ring.

I don't know. Do you think
we're ready to do this?

No rush.

Let's consider this
our token agreement...

...to agree at a future date
to be determined...

...we might wanna consider
the outside possibility...

...of a more formal relationship.

Did I leave enough loopholes
for everybody?

You don't like the tie.

It's gone.

What's the matter?
Carla, come on, what's wrong?

Nothing is wrong.

Everything is right as rain.
I can't accept this.

You don't like the setting?
We're out of here.

Richie, if you give me this ring,
I'm afraid I'll hock it.

I don't think granny would go for that.
No. She's dead.

But she would definitely oppose
that idea from beyond the grave.

Hey, who was it that promised
he'd get your money back?

-Oh, Richie.
-Now, answer the question.

You did, but--

But. B-U-T, the three, most insidious
words in the English language.

The one word that separates people
from their dreams.

Carla, Carla. May I call you Carla?

You and me, big church wedding.
We open up a restaurant.

We buy the biggest shoe we can find.
We fill it full of tons of kids:

Right, Richie.

We can't even afford the shoe.

The guy took all my money.

We're living in dream world.

Wait a second, Carla.

Hey, hey, Carla, come back here.
I said I'll make everything okay.

Hey.

I'm gonna find the guy
who took your money.

Carla.

I'll get every cent, that's what I said.

I'll fix it, every cent.

You don't believe me?

Excuse me.

Morning, Miss Di Pesto.

Morning.

Miss Di Pesto.

Mr. Viola.

Miss Hayes.

I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was doing.

-Mr. Viola, from the looks of it.
-Entirely my fault.

What you have witnessed here...

...has absolutely nothing, whatsoever,
to do with Agnes.

It didn't?

Well, of course it did, but--

What I'm saying, this round-the-clock
surveillance on Anselmo case...

...is beginning to take its toll.

Forcing me to snatch affection
wherever and whenever I can get it...

...regardless of inappropriateness
of the surroundings.

You and Mr. Addison
were out again all night?

Yes, with no one but ourselves
to keep us warm.

Not that Mr. Addison
isn't a great detective and a fine wit...

...but going five nights
in a row without--

Miss Hayes, I know it was wrong
to sneak into your office...

...and use it for our own, private....

It will never ever happen again.

It's just that...

...you don't know what it's like
going for so long without Herbert.

I'll take your word for it.

Well...

...I guess we'll be
getting out of your hair.

I'm gonna debrief Mr. Addison
on the Anselmo case.

And I'd appreciate it if you two
stopped debriefing each other.

There must be something
in the air.

David, you know, I'm really proud
of you working so hard lately.

The long hours, sleepless nights.

You must be exhausted.

Stressed out, tensed up.

You're one big knot.

It's been along time
since I did this, David.

What am I talking about?
I never did this.

You were always the one
that gave the back rubs.

You know, David, after you get through
with this Anselmo case...

...I think you should take a vacation.

You know, go to a beach somewhere
and work on your tan.

Maybe go fishing.

How about a deep-sea fishing trip?

You'll put the worm
on the hook for me?

David.

Richie.

Why don't you take a swipe
at the lower than my lower lumbar?

Great seeing you, Rich,
but sorry, you gotta go.

Great to hear about you
and the lady. Congrats.

Right now, me and the big blonde
gotta do some talking.

Give me a chance to say hey
to the boss, who's looking mighty fine,

-Stop with the butter. The answer's no.
-What's the question?

-Don't wanna know.
-Do.

Do you have idea what the failure rate
for a restaurant is?

It's a slam dunk
which is where you come in.

Which is where you go out.

-David, let him talk, David.
-Yeah, David, let him talk.

-Let him walk and talk.
-This is more than a restaurant.

-it's about our future, Carla's and mine.
-Who's Carla?

-Flavour of the month.
-Woman of my dreams.

First date we fell deeply,
madly, passionately in love.

The restaurant I took her to
was a horror show.

I had to send back the food, the wine,
the coffee, the dessert.

I got stuck with a check for 180 bucks.
It was the night of my life.

Terrific girl, terrible restaurant.
Our dreams came true.

If these slingers can charge
an arm, a leg...

...why don't we open up a place
and do it right.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

Bankrolling a restaurant
is a very expensive proposition.

-Not a problem.
-It is a problem. it's the problem.

-Dave, she's got the money.
-She had it.

We'll get it from the guy
who took it.

-Who took it?
-Benny Largo.

-He's gonna give it back.
-He'll give it back.

All 72,000.

-Gone? No.
-Yeah.

-We lean on him a little bit.
-We lean?

-I lean.
-All that money.

-Eileen must feel terrible.
-Carla. She feels worse than terrible.

Shafted, abused, used, exploited.

-I knew you'd understand.
-I've been there.

That's why the quarter-wit
is hitting on you.

He knew I won't give him
the time of day.

Poor woman. Poor you.

Why didn't you go to the police?

That's a great idea.
They'll shuffle around papers.

It's off to the doughnut shop.

-The time they get to Carol's case--
-Carla.

-Carla, the snake.
-Benny Largo.

Benny Largo's made off with her
money and where's that leave, Richie?

Standing around my office
breathing up oxygen.

He needs our help, David.
Carlo needs our help.

-Carla.
-Carla.

Did you think about getting
a private detective?

Excuse us for a minute, please?

I have been working 24 hours a day,
seven days a week, busting my hump...

...eating bad food,
listening to Viola's beard grow.

Don't get me wrong,
he's a fine detective and a great wit.

Where have I heard that before?

Out.

I love my brother like a brother...

...but what you have to understand
about my brother is...

...when he was a little boy, he brought
things that were seriously ill.

I think we should help him.

He's an operator and you're a softy,
an easy mark, a sucker.

Like that woman whose bank account
was emptied by somebody she trusts.

I think about how happier my life
would be...

...if that hadn't happened to me.

-You wouldn't have met me.
-I rest my case.

There's a lot more than money
at stake here.

Don't you want this relationship
to get off to a good start?

Relationship?
Richie only falls in love after midnight.

I know what he wants to do.

He wants us to find this money
for this babe, right?

Then he looks like the hero
and then she drops the laundry.

Richie's in love. I can hear it.
I can see it in his eye.

I bet he doesn't even know
this babe's last name.

-I don't wanna start a fight.
-What's her last name?

-What?
-Carla's last name.

McCabe.

What colour are her eyes?

Blue. Hazel. I don't know.

-Where does she come from?
-Back east somewhere.

-Where?
-Beats me.

-How old is she?
-Thirty five.

-When's her birthday?
-What's this?

-Just answer the question.
-I don't know when her birthday is.

Advantage, Dave.

-Where'd you meet her?
-In a bar.

-Match point.
-I don't know her life story, okay?

I met her a couple of weeks ago.
I'll tell you one thing, she's a keeper.

At night, when I crash,
I wanna sleep fast...

...just so I can wake up
and see her again.

I don't know all these answers,
but I wanna know everything about her.

I love her.

Richie loves Carla.
Can you hear that, Dave? I love her.

I've taken up enough of your time.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.

What?

What's Benny Largo look like?
And don't gloat. Don't you dare gloat.

You're awfully quiet.

-Am I?
-Yes, you are.

Usually, when we're driving
I can't get a word in edgewise.

-Yeah.
-Maybe we just run out of things to say.

Like some old married couple.

-Why are you looking at your watch?
-I wanna know the time.

Maybe we're not going about this the
right way, trying to find Benny Largo.

Going door to door,
to get something out of his contacts.

I can't think of a better way to waste
4 hours, 17 minutes and 47 seconds.

-He's your brother.
-Yeah.

A quarter day,
dragging our fannies...

...from modelling agency to agency
trying to find Clutch Cargo.

Benny Largo.

We could bring home the bacon
on the Anselmo case.

Benny Largo's flown the coop.
Maybe he's not even in L.A.

He's a local hustler, hustling locally.

If I'd embezzled $72,000
from my agency...

...I wanna put real estate
between my partner and I.

-My partner and me.
-I'd move to France.

Not on 72 G's. It keep you in snails
for about a year, max.

-We agreed to help your brother.
-You agreed.

I'm along for the ride. A long,
tedious, non-paying, boring ride.

Why can't you tell yourself
you're helping people in love.

Saccharin's been linked to cancer.

This little field trip's taught me
you had some racket going for you...

...working in modelling, racking
in all that moolah saying cheese.

It's not as easy as it looks.

The most gruelling thing
is along day under those hot lights.

That smiling and wearing clothes
at the same time.

That will grind you down.

Demanding clients, photographers.

A big fat check waiting for you
at the end of each day.

-You earn by giving up a lot.
-What?

Privacy. You've no idea what it's like
to go into a supermarket...

-...and see your face.
-Happened to me in the '60s.

-Goodbye, anonymity.
-Hi, swimming pools...

...mansions, sports cars.

People forget you're a human.
They see an image, a logo.

They talk right to your face
in the third person.

-Like a threesome?
-They treat you like meat.

-Yeah, for five thou a day.
-I made a lot more than that.

You walked away from it so you could
drive for 4 hours, 19 minutes...

...and 47 seconds making squat.

Maddie, you should had a long talk
with your guidance counsellor.

Okay, we're gonna shoot
in two minutes. Last touch ups, please.

-Ready to go.
-We need an adapter.

Good. Move, move the lamp in
a foot closer, the one on the left.

Let's see a little bit more body makeup
over here, please?

-I'm sorry, but this is a closed set.
-We've have an appointment.

-With?
-I'm Eddie Skins.

Eddie Skins, personal management.

I got a call from Mr. Benny
this morning.

He said you were interested in working
with my client.

Say hello to Madelyn Hayes.

Maddie Hayes.

I didn't realise you were trying
to make a comeback.

Yes.

I'm sorry.
Who did you say referred you?

-Benny Largo.
-Name doesn't ring a bell.

No. No. No. Wrong.

Marian, where did you dig up
this meat puppet?

Alter all the pre-production,
the meetings...

...this is what I end up with?

The hair. The teeth.
Spare me from those teeth.

I'm trying to sell a product to men
out there in America.

This is not a man,
this is a statue.

Can't we find ourselves somebody real,
not too bright...

...maybe a spare tire
around the middle?

I want ordinary.
I want run of the mill.

I want this guy.

Give me this meat puppet.

Okay, that's a wrap.

Any of you girls know Benny Largo?

Excuse me, Miss Hayes.

-Could I have your autograph?
-Sure.

-it's not too weird or anything?
-No, I'm flattered.

-What's your name?
-it's not for me, for my mom.

-Her name is Marie.
-Marie.

-You're her idol.
-Really?

Yeah, I mean, she even
used to do her hair like yours.

I mean, back then,
when your look was in.

David, would you mind
if I didn't go in for this one?

What are you talking about?

What about Carla?
What about Ritchie?

What about love?

I don't wanna go
and have everyone look at me...

...like I'm an ex-model
who blew her money and needs a job.

-That's what happened.
-I have a job.

But this is not a job.
This is an obligation. This is a wait.

This is a millstone around our neck.
Now, the Anselmo case--

-Anselmo case.
-That's a job.

I'm so sick of hearing
about the Anselmo case.

The Anselmos can solve
their own case. I'll be waiting in car.

Okay.

Eddie Skins, Eddie Skins,
personal management.

-May I help you?
-The question is, may I help you?

The crown jewel.

I heard you were looking
for a bombshell.

Gentleman named Largo sent me.

-You know Benny?
-Hey, do I know Benny?

Let's just say, when we was kids,
we raised a little cane.

Lowered some, too,
if you catch my drift.

This wouldn't be Benny's place?

We're not looking for new girls
right now, but I'll put this on file.

You wouldn't happen to know
how I could get a hold of Benny.

I think he's out of town.

Maybe if you hear from him,
you could give me a call.

Lt'd be in his best interest,
if you know what I mean.

You might wanna try
using decaf, sister?

-What are you wearing tonight?
-Halter top and tube skirt.

-What do you mean what am I wearing?
-To dinner.

Wanna have dinner? I got Laker tickets,
the chilli dogs are on me.

No, we're having dinner with Richie.
You forgot?

No, I didn't forget, I didn't remember.
We'll have to make it another time.

He made reservations. I'm sure
Carla's a wreck about meeting you.

You can't just cancel it.

-I got Laker tickets.
-We'll give it to Burt and Agnes.

Jack's gonna love
sitting next to Burt and Agnes.

I'll drop you off, change,
cab over to the restaurant.

I haven't seen this guy in six months
and now he's the focus of my being.

He's my brother.
What do I gotta see him for?

He's your family,
your flesh and blood.

We're 2 ducks cooked
in the same oven.

-What is it, you two don't get along?
-We get along.

He lives his life. I live my life.

You'd appreciate having sibling
if you were only child like me.

Who never wore hand-me-downs.

Who gotta sit in front seat
of station wagon.

Who never got stuck with bunk.

No bunk beds as an only child.

You had someone
to talk to growing up.

-Someone to tell on you.
-Play with.

Nobody borrowed stuff, lost it.

-Pretty lonely being the only kid.
-The centre of attention, the darling.

-No worries about making friends.
-Not a problem.

No matter what,
you had one built-in at home.

Stealing my allowance,
hitting on my girlfriends.

I like my brother. I love my brother.
I'm sure he feels the same.

If anything ever happened,
he'd be ripped up and vice versa.

It's one of the things families do.

But look, how much
you have in common, David.

-So what?
-Excuse me.

I don't see how you could be
so detached.

-Who's detached?
-You are detached. Remote...

...about an important part
of your life.

It's not like he's my best friend.

We share some memories. Fine.

You can't chew over the past
and stay close to somebody.

Hell, look at me and you.

Hold on.

Keep your pants on.

You don't have any pants on,
do you?

-Hi.
-Hi.

-I'm Claudette.
-I'm Dave.

David.

Are you gonna invite me in?

Yeah. Sure.

You girls are out selling cookies
a little earlier this year, aren't you?

New uniforms, too, I like that.

What can I do for you?

You can take my coat.

Make yourself comfortable.

Where would you like to play?

Finally, a dream sequence
I can sink my teeth into.

Ginger didn't tell you
I was coming?

-Who's Ginger?
-From Pinnacle.

Oh, Ginger.
Red hair, kind of jumpy.

Cute guys make her nervous.

So how'd you find me?

Well, you left your numbers.

We looked up your address
in one of those backward books.

It must have been pretty urgent.

Benny Largo is very interested
in your business proposition.

So he sent me over to say thanks.

Well, a fruit basket
would have done just fine.

Well, he liked the blonde
in the picture a lot.

Maddie?

He thinks she's got that
I'll-use-you-up and-throw-you-away...

...like-worthless-trash look.

-He knows Maddie.
-Guys really shell out for girls like her.

Tell me about this agency.

Hey, you're not from vice, are you?

No. No way. I'm just looking
after my girls, that's all.

Pinnacle is a great place to work.

Good benefits. I've been there since
Benny split with his ex-partner.

I like Carla, okay.

She's a good business woman,
but with Benny, I get free dental.

Yeah, I heard Benny and Carla
had a falling out.

Different management styles.
Got pretty messy.

I'll give Benny a jingle
in the morning about the blonde.

-But right now, I really have to go.
-What about you and me?

-I'd hate to give you this cold.
-A cold is the least of my worries.

Right, but I really have to go.

Benny wants to meet you tonight,
11:30.

I got his address.

He's real anxious
to put the blonde to work.

Well, she'll be thrilled to hear that.

You really want me to go?

I mean, this one is on the house.

Well, there's no such thing
as a free lunch and I have dinner plans.

At night when I'm just laying there
with my head on the pillow...

...I just watch her sleep.

I mean, look at that.

I've never seen hair like that,
that thick, that black.

-I mean, except maybe on a racehorse.
-You really like her, don't you?

-She seems really nice.
-She is very nice.

And she's very beautiful.

You are very beautiful,
Madelyn Hayes...

...but Carla is all mine.

Addison boys really know...

...how to walk on both sides
of the street at the same time.

Check this out.

Right there.

Look at that profile. Does that belong
on a Grecian urn or what?

-Men really do this, huh?
-Take me now, Lord...

...because I have raced
a thousand miles and that's mine.

You're either coming down with malaria
or better marry that girl tout de suite.

Her and a movie star,
I can understand, but why me?

You're a pretty good dancer.
I taught him everything he knows.

That's true. When money was tight,
Dave took dance, I took typing.

I showed his around the keys.

And I showed you how to samba.

Dave, brunette. What do you think?

-Not bad.
-Come on, I wanna introduce you.

I wanna dance with the big blonde here,
if you don't mind.

Just once around the block,
you promise, okay?

-Because she's dying to meet you.
-Yeah.

Cha-cha.

Sorry.

I hate the cha-cha.

I don t even know to cha-cha,
but we got to.

So I can explain
what everybody there knows.

Watch it.

I just had a visit from an ex-employee
of Carla's, know about that?

I got a real earful
on the future Mrs. Richie.

And I do mean ear full.

-From a disgruntled employee, David.
-She wasn't disgruntled.

Yeah, as a matter of fact,
she said Carla was a professional.

Professional as in, like,
the world's oldest profession.

That's ridiculous.
I was just talking to her.

She's intelligent,
well-mannered, charming.

Yeah, so was Miss Kitty.

Benny Largo and Carla
ran a modelling agency...

...where models got paid to do
more than photo spreads.

-Are you sure?
-I'm sure.

If you wanna pick up
a little extra pin money...

...Benny Largo would like
to get your name on a W-4.

-Oh, David.
-One of the benefits of the great.

I hate the cha-cha.

Look.

Why don't you go swap,
makeup tales with Carla?

-I'll talk with Ritchie.
-Don't tell him.

Of course, I'm gonna tell him.

David, she has a past, so what?
Maybe she was desperate for money.

But look at her now,
she's crazy about him.

She wants to turn over a new leaf
and you'll blow everything.

It's not that I'm bothered
by her resume...

...but I'm gonna tell Richie.

Jumps in a shark tank,
know there's a shark there.

-I don't disagree.
-What does that mean, you do agree?

Yeah, I think Carla should tell him.

You take Richie out for a cha-cha,
I'll speak to our lady of the evening.

-You just butt out.
-She's not gonna tell...

-...unless she knows that I know.
-What stinks?

Yeah, the men's room
at CBGB's in New York.

You haven't seen your brother...

...and you can't wait to stick your nose
in his business.

Carla McCabe, may I present the runt
of the litter, David Addison.

David, I've been looking forward
to this.

Richard's told me so much about you.

I heard a lot about you too.

-Sorry, I'm late.
-No problem, bro.

Addison affliction.

It's okay. Maddie and I had
an opportunity...

...to get to know each other.

Yes, we did.

It's amazing
how much we have in common.

Yes, that is amazing.

You know what I'm in the mood for?

Oh, darn, they don't have it.

Richie tells me you're quite
a businesswoman.

It takes love to start your
own business, right, Maddie?

-Right.
-Oh, don't I know.

I guess Richie
told you what happened.

-Yeah, it's a shame.
-Well, you know, it hurt.

You build something
from the ground up, all of that work...

...and then...gone.

But c'est la vie.

-You miss the grind?
-I do, actually.

I like the pressure,
meeting the deadlines and the payrolls.

You know,
keeping the clients happy.

-I don't have to tell you about that.
-Or anyone else for that matter.

I just keep trying to convince myself
that things happen for a reason.

Well, here's to things
that happen for a reason.

Don't worry, Carla.
You'll be back on your feet in no time.

Oh, Richie, I'm so sorry. Here.

No, it's all right.
I look good in Beaujolais.

Nothing a little cold water
won't take out. Come on.

David, Richie can
take care of himself.

Yeah, right. Come on.

I think she likes you, Dave.
I really do.

Not that it matters.

Thanksgiving dinners tend to be
more sane...

...if everybody in the family
gets along, you know.

-You're really serious about this girl.
-I know what you're thinking.

Richie's chasing this righteous babe.
He's got thing on his mind.

Wrong. Not that this thing isn't the
absolute best it's ever been with Carla.

But she's a wonderful woman.
She'll make a great wife, terrific mom...

...and a five-star restaurateur.

Don't you think
you're rushing this a little bit?

Earth to Dave,
this is Richie you're talking about.

And I'm still as incapable
of commitment as ever.

But if there's any one girl that can
turn me around, I think she's the one.

By the way, brown eyes. White
Bear Lake, Minnesota, October 3rd.

Think you caught a little wine here.

-Any luck with Benny Largo?
-Yeah.

Don't hold out on me, bro.

This address, 11:30, tonight.

-But look--
-Thanks a lot.

I really appreciate this.
You helping me out like this.

Do me a favour, Carla doesn't know
that you're in on this thing...

...so let's just keep that on the q.t.

What's with the long face?

You know, Richie, we should talk.

What, are you and the blonde
at each others psyches again?

-Found something out today.
-You sick?

-No, I'm not sick, this is about Carla.
-She's sick?

Well, she seems like a nice girl.

She is a nice girl.
I hope that's not a problem.

Well, it's like this, Rich...

...Carla is...

...or was involved in a business.

Let's see, how should I say this...

...it was the business that catered
to a very specific clientele.

-You're beating around the bush.
-Exactly right.

Because Carla
used to run a cat house.

Not a cat house, really,
more like an out-call fantasy-sex thing.

You knew?

Carla and I don't have
any secrets from each other.

Why didn't you tell me?

-Because it's none of your business.
-it's none of my business?

It's okay to just drop everything,
to find her partner in pandering, huh?

-Don't touch me.
-You lied.

I didn't.
I kept you away from fine print.

-I'm gonna count to three.
-Fine for me to drop everything.

-And help you when you get in a jam.
-One. Two.

-Can't even be straight with me.
-Two and half.

Everyone in the kitchen
is very excited about today's soup.

I'll have the special, please.

To go.

Stop it. Stop it.

-Stop.
-He knew.

-He knew.
-Yeah, I knew.

Doesn't mean you have
to give the porcelain shampoo.

See, Maddie, see what you missed
not growing up with a brother.

Stop it, stop it.

-Richie, what is this?
-The Family Feud.

Let's go.

Get off me.

-All right, Carla, let's get out of here.
-Nice meeting you.

Thanks a lot.

Boy, you handled that well.

Maybe Richie should have told
you the whole story.

-Are you gonna take his side?
-No.

-I understand why he didn't.
-You're taking his side.

What's he supposed to do?
Say I fell for a hooker.

Yeah, what so hard about that?

You don't make it easy for Richie
or anyone to come to you.

I'm unapproachable?

-You are sometimes.
-I'm the most approachable guy I know.

I can't even approach you about Richie,
that's how unapproachable you can be.

-Jerk.
-What?

Richie's a jerk. Despite that you think
I'm detached, remote and what was it?

-Unfeeling.
-Unfeeling toward him.

I've always been there
when he need me.

He won't let me get his life together.
Instead he lies, uses me...

...to help him screw it up even more.

What makes you think
he's screwing up?

Will you give me a break?

Carla didn't lie.
She was straight to him.

-You're the one that has a problem.
-This is my problem.

Maybe it is. Richie's found someone
who makes him happy.

-All you see are obstacles.
-You're a fine one to talk about that.

-You're jealous of him.
-I am not jealous of my brother.

You can't stand that he's capable
of doing something that you're not.

What? Collecting unemployment
in three states.

Or is it the old
Dave's-afraid-of-intimacy mantra.

Dave's afraid of intimacy.

Dave is afraid of intimacy.

-Dave is afraid of intimacy.
-Good night, David.

Good night, Maddie Hayes.

Dave's afraid of intimacy.

Mr. Addison, we need to talk.

-You people ever hear of soft sell?
-Please, just hear me out.

I'll match whatever it is
they're paying you.

-I got $ 10,000.
-That ought to keep me in milk...

-...and cookies for awhile.
-Please.

You just gotta change your mind.

You got to tell Claudette
not to take rejection so hard.

Oh, Mr. Addison, if you kill Benny,
I don't know what I'll do.

Whoa, whoa,
why would I wanna kill Benny?

Look, I know.

-Everyone on the street knows.
-You ought to tell me.

I seem to have missed
a salient points--

You don't have to play games
with me.

There's a hit out on Benny.

When you showed up
asking stupid questions...

...I knew you were the one.

Let me clear things up for you.
I am not a hit man.

I understand
you're a professional.

Well, understand this Mr. Addison.
Benny and me got married last week.

I don't wanna be a widow.
I tried to get him to leave town...

...so you wouldn't find him.
But he wants a showdown, the jerk.

So he sent Claudette
to set up the meeting tonight.

He's waiting for me?

I tell him that he doesn't stand
a chance against a professional.

Good.

Oh, hi, mom this is my new girlfriend.

So long, sister.

Richie.

I had to shoot him.
It was self-defence.

-He was coming for me.
-With a pizza.

That'|| go over great in court.

Hey, what's going on over there?
Break it up.

Can I get some help over here?

Hey, come on.

Help me, come on. Calm down.

Get back. Get back.

Let him go.

How else was I supposed
to put the arm on Largo for 72 K.

Seemed like the right thing to do.

Sort out our differences over pizza
and beer.

Don't beat yourself up too much, man.

The delivery boy was early.
You were a little late.

-Somebody had to go get the brew.
-Richie, it's not your fault, man.

Look.

First Benny Largo, now you.

At least you gotta question
this girl's judgement.

Sorry, I dragged you
into this whole thing.

Me too.

You got every right in the world
to be peeved at me.

-I know.
-Well, I guess...

...as far as brothers go
I'm pretty lame, huh?

You know...

...even if we're not
very good friends...

...I still got to suspect, I love you,
little brother.

I sure can't think
of one damn good reason...

...why I'd let my butt get kicked
on your behalf.

-Do you want me to thank you?
-That'd be the brotherly thing to do.

Forget about it.

You know, for a minute, I almost
thought you bought the farm tonight.

-Get out of town.
-I did. Know, what it made me think of?

-What?
-When the Canini boys kicked your ass.

And you pretended
like you was dead.

Yeah, that scared the poop
out of them.

It did.

They thought we'll get the electric
chair for killing the Ad Man.

I know, they thought
the Ad Man was down.

Oh, man, the Ad Man.

I remember when I was starting
freshman high school.

Everybody calling you the Ad Man,
the coolest thing I ever heard.

-The Ad Man rules.
-The Ad Man was bad.

That's what they said.

I was hoping, like,
when you graduated...

...that somebody
would start calling me the Ad Man...

...but they never did.

-I need a favour, Dave.
-No. Pass.

-Forget it.
-I'm serious.

When I saw that pepperoni
all splattered all over the sidewalk...

...I realized right then
what I gotta do.

I gotta marry Carla.

And I want you to be my best man,
Little Ad Man.

-Come here.
-Watch the neck, watch the neck.

Six hundred, 700, 800
900, 1000.

One hundred, 200,
300.

Hey.

I'll pay you back
next time we go to Vegas.

The maid of honour.

Let's get out of here, come on.

Gee, I really love you
And Pm gonna get married

Going to the chapel of love

-How do I look?
-Like you're gonna throw up.

It shows, huh?

What do you think? I don't know,
should I wait until I'm a little bit older?

Or I should do this
on an empty stomach?

It's a big mistake
to have a big meal like this or maybe--

-Richie.
-Carla.

Carla Ann Ruth Mcquire-- McCabe...

...will you marry me tonight,
immediately?

Right now?

You're overwhelmed.

She's overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed.
But that doesn't matter...

...because I love you, you love me
and what the hell.

Marriage
is just like a blind date anyway.

Where do you keep your suitcase?

Oh, Richie, wait.

What are you doing here?
What's he doing here?

Just doing a follow up for the Largo
investigation. I'm glad you made bail.

Planer was telling me
what happened at the warehouse.

Oh, thank God, you're all right.
Richie. I'm so relieved.

We don't wanna bust up the
celebration. We'll be going.

Yeah. Thanks a lot
for your cooperation.

I'll send a man over tomorrow
to take a statement.

You forgot your shoes.

Somebody wanted Benny Largo
out of the way...

...took all your girls,
all your clients.

-Almost put you out of business.
-She is out of business.

Well, somebody wanted Benny Largo
out of the way.

It's makes them think
there's a hit out on them...

...when he starts to get a little itchy the
boys in blue come in, make the collar.

These people set you up, Richie.

Interesting hunch.

The thing about a hunch
is that it's south of being a fact.

And if you don't have a fact
and you don't...

...then you just don't have
much of anything.

But you can rest assured I'll use
all the resources at my disposal...

...to investigate your hunch.

Who knows.
Maybe we'll come up with something.

Detective Planer, are you off duty?

Would it be against the law
if someone like me...

...did something like this
to an off-duty policeman?

Well, now, Maddie, you're into
a very grey area of jurisprudence here.

If I were you, I'd play it safe.

I think something like...

...this would be
within your legal right as a citizen.

But that's just a hunch.

-Are you off duty too?
-Wait a minute.

Don't wait up for me.

This ring
belonged to Richie's grandmother.

-I don't think she'd want me to have it.
-Sure she would. it's fake.