Moonlighting (1985–1989): Season 4, Episode 2 - Come Back Little Shiksa - full transcript

Mr. Addison,
I didn't know you were--

Fan of the arts?
I am, but don't let that stop you.

I'm sorry. I just...

I guess I'm happy.

I guess I--
I had a wonderful time last night.

I guess I...

Oh, oh, I almost forgot.

How was your last night?

- Okay.
- Okay?

You're damn right it was okay.

Although "okay" is a word
with infinite possibilities.



I would say, yes, it was okay.

As a matter of fact, it was better than
okay. I would say that it went well.

- Well?
- Well.

Extremely well.

As a matter of fact,
I'm gonna change that.

I think I would say
that it went kind of great.

- Kind of great?
- Very great.

Very great?

That's great.

What did you do?

Well...

...we danced In a Laundromat.

You know, Agnes, I think I got her.

Three years, one date,
but I think I got her.



I think it may be on to phase two.

The next chapter in The Decline
and Fall of the Roaming Addison.

Yeah, I got her.

I thought I heard
you two talking In here.

That is all you were doing, right?

Just talking.

Morning, Mr. Addison.

Agnes.

Hello, Bert.

- Did you tell him yet?
- No, I was just--

Mr. Addison,
your date with Miss Hayes...

...a real four-alarm night?

We put out a few fires, yeah.

Agnes and I
took a page out of your book.

We went out last night too.
Had the best night of our lives.

- Do I smell coffee burning?
- No.

Anyway,
your night being what it was...

...and our night being what it was,
Agnes and I were thinking--

I would hate to see the pot explode.

We were wondering whether
you and Miss Hayes would consider...

...well, you know.

- A double date.
- Bert...

...don't think we should discuss this
on company time.

I'm sure he doesn't mind.
What do you think?

We can go Dutch.

Well, you know where
to get a hold of us.

- Miss DiPesto.
- Haven't heard from her.

I mean, yes, Mr. Addison?

Never mind.

No problem, boys.
The date went great.

My guess is she probably needs
a little time to sleep it off.

Learn how to walk again.

- There's a man here to see you.
- A man.

Well, beggars can't be choosers.
Show him in.

Mr. Addison...

...you want me to call her?

No.

- Hi, I'm David Addison.
- Donald Chase.

How do you do?
What can I do for you?

Truth Is, I'm not sure.

You see, I've--
I've fallen In love with a woman.

And I think maybe
she's fallen In love with me.

But I don't know where she is...

...and I need very much
to talk to her.

There's a lot of that going around.

Have a seat, Mr. Chase.

I met her last night at a dance,
a ball, actually.

A charity ball for the orphan society.

Society-page stuff.
Society-page stuffy.

Sort of thing one doesn't as much
enjoy as endure year after year.

Anyway, I saw her
and I was dumbstruck.

She didn't belong there,
you could tell.

I mean, she just wasn't high society.

Whatever that is.

No pretensions.

She just looked
wonderfully common...

...but uncommonly beautiful.

Not that I haven't been
with beautiful women before. I have.

But let's face it, Mr. Addison.
I'm a rich man.

They were never looking at me...

...their eyes never made it
past my wallet.

But this woman
didn't know who I was.

She just seemed to enjoy me.

It was a strange feeling.

It was an exhilarating feeling.

I never danced so much in my life.

We were at each other's side
all evening...

...until, of course, it was over.

What happened?

I don't know how or why...

...but as the ball was ending
she just vanished.

No goodbye, no anything.

I tried to find out who she was,
but no one there seemed to know.

Which brings me to you.

Is this where you give me
the glass slipper?

Close.

Will this do?

Fell from her ear just before she left.

It's quite expensive.

I'm supposed to try this
on ever lobe in the land?

Her name is Melissa,
light-brown hair...

...green eyes, almost 5'3"...

...and a beauty mark
just about here.

I'm asking the Impossible, right?

Well, to be honest with you--

I've given your secretary
a cheque for $10,000.

- Nothing's Impossible, Mr. Chase.
- That's good to know.

Oh, one thing, Mr. Addison.

When you find her, don't speak to her.
I don't know why she's disappeared...

...but I don't want to give her
the chance again.

Not without
having talked to her myself.

I just don't want her to get away.

Thank you.

Maddie.

Maddie?

Ready or not, here I come.

Maddie, you asleep?

Well, coming up.

Any illicit or illegal activities
should be put on hold...

...at least until I get there.

Listen, Maddie.

Maddie, I know you wanted a chance
to sort through all this.

I was just a little worried.

Hi, Mom. Yeah, it's me.

You're there, I'm glad.

No, nothing's wrong.

And as a matter of fact...

...I'd llke to know
If you could come get me.

No, you heard right.

I'm here, I'm In Chicago. I'm home.

I mean, it never falls.

I mean, just taking
your Uncle Dan out to dinner...

...It's a guarantee
that something will go wrong.

- I remember.
- And that's exactly what happened.

We were at some beautiful restaurant,
rather elegant, you know?

Evening gowns, tuxedoes and--

And your uncle Dan
was leaning back In his chair.

He was telling us a story and--

And he fell over backwards?

He landed right at the feet
of a woman sitting next to us...

...looking right up Into her...

Well, her--

- Her soul, Mom?
- Yes, thank you, my dear. Her soul.

He got back up in his chair
and we tried not to laugh.

But you know your father,
he just couldn't resist.

He had to ask him how it happened.

So he sald,
"Dan, how did that happen?"

And Dan sald, "Well, I was just
leaning back llke this.”

- And he fell over again?
- Right at the feet of the same woman.

Oh, no.

Who now thought
he was doing it on purpose...

...but we calmed her down,
and then--

Just--

Just when we thought everything
was getting back to normal...

...Dan started laughing
about what had happened.

Well, I mean, that made all of us
laugh, and we just kept laughing...

...and then,
finally Dan laughed so hard...

...that he started choking
on his drink.

You know your Aunt Ruth.

Well, she patted him harder
and harder on the back.

Well, finally
she patted him so hard that his--

- His--
- What?

His false teeth
flew right out of his mouth.

Oh, no.

And landed
In some other woman's soup.

- They did not.
- They did.

I mean--

I mean, that was it. I mean, we just--

We just lost control and we
just had to leave the restaurant.

His teeth flew out?

Like a missllie.

And I mean,
he had to fish, you know...

...fish them out of the bowl.
And he was laughing all the time...

...but he was
trying not to open his mouth.

Well, I mean,
you know those things happen.

I mean, whenever we are together.
I mean, it's got to the point...

...where dad and I will call up Dan
when we're feeling bored.

I mean, he's gonna start charging us
one of these days.

Mom...

...Is this okay, being here?

I mean, just showing up like this?

Of course it's okay.

I mean, as long as you can afford it.

You know, room and board...

...a small fee.

I didn't see his car,
maybe it's In the garage.

Alex. Alex, are you home?

Damn right I'm home.
Where's that daughter of mine?

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, boy, you get more
beautiful every time I see you.

No, I'm not.
Your vision's just getting worse.

I don't care, you look terrific.
Doesn't she?

I already told her.

You didn't call. If I'd known,
I'd have been at the airport.

Minute I got your mother's message
I jumped back In the car...

-...took the day off.
-You didn't have to go to any trouble.

You better believe I did. it Isn't every
day our daughter comes to visit us.

This Is the first time
since you started that agency.

-It is?
-Sura is.

No, it isn't,
last time I was here was...

Maybe you're right.

This place never changes.
I love that.

I just can't get over it,
you dropping In.

Yeah, kind of out of the blue.

Yes, it was out of the blue.

So you here on business,
or a stopover or--?

Well, no, actually it isn't.

I'm sorry, it Isn't what?

-I mean, business, stopover?
-It Isn't neither.

Either, either.

Okay, so you
just decided to drop In.

-Just decided to drop In.
-That's great, no special occasion.

No special occasion.

Well, it's not like she needs
an occasion to come home.

Well, actually, I really needed
to get away from L.A. for awhile.

-How long you here for?
-How long?

I mean, a few days, a week?

Well, actually,
It's all kind of open-ended.

Open-ended, no kidding.

Alex, your daughter just got home...

...and you're already talking about
when she's leaving.

I didn't mean that, it's just...

...I'd love to be able
to take a vacation.

I mean, pack the old rod and reel
and the JEB...

...8klp town, let business
take care of itself.

Which reminds me,
how's that business partner of yours?

-David?
-David.

Oh, boy, Is that a character.
I mean, he's the genuine article.

-We really liked him, didn't we, hon?
-Yes, we did.

You only met him once.

True, but he leaves
quite an Impression.

-Anyway, how's he doing?
-He's doling fine.

Yeah, he seems llke the kind of guy
that would always land on his feet.

Something tells me
a little hard to pin down...

...I mean,
not a long-haul sort of guy...

...as far as commitment
or things llke that.

-It's just a feeling I have.
-Yeah, well--

But don't get me wrong.

He just seems llke a real pro
at the business.

Just wonder how long
he'd stick around.

-Alex.
-Just one businessperson...

...talking to another.
I'm so glad to see her.

Me too, Daddy. It's just that I'm
80 tired from the flight and all.

-Well--
- I should go up...

...and lay down
In my room for awhile.

That's probably a good Idea.
We left the luggage In the car...

-...If you could help us out.
-Sure, I'll see you girls In a minute.

Listen to me. Look, yes, I know--

WIIl you stop? Yes, I know
you're a very large cab company.

I know you had
a lot of fares last night.

This one would be easy
to remember though, tall blonde, Icy...

...walks bowlegged
but you don't mind.

Yes, I will hold, agalin.

Yes, that's it.
Yes, that Is the address.

She was carrying bags
on her way to the airport...

...the train station, maybe.

It doesn't matter what I need her for,
and I didn't say that I need her.

I'm a detective. It's what I do.

I detect things and right now I'm
detecting a little bit of an attitude pro--

Hello?

-Why, you stupid, son of a--
-Mr. Addison. I did it.

A superior piece of sleuthing
If I do say so myself, sir.

I have managed to track down
the place of origin...

...of one diamond earring placed
In my care a mere scant hours ago.

It seems that this particular
bezel cut of diamond...

...Is exclusive to one company.

A company that actually rents
formalwear accessories.

And it seems
the woman who rented this earring...

...has not yet returned
with the remainder of her rental items.

What could she be thinking?

Well, sir, actually a fairly
high percentage of customers fall...

...to promptly return
their rental items.

-What?
-Well, I was thinking...

...maybe a stakeout
might be In order.

We could watch the place
until she returns and then nab her.

Nab who?

Telephone, Mr. Addison.

Tall blonde, Icy, walks bowlegged
but you don't mind.

-Eatbay itay.
-Ightray.

Ightray.

-David.
-Listen to that.

She sald my name.

She remembered, I'm stunned.

I'm touched, I'm staggered.

Hey, how the hell are you, Maddie?

What's shaking? What's doing?
What's up?

And while I'm asking you questions,
where the hell are you?

Chicago. I'm In Chicago.

Chicago. Really.

Chicago. Well, I don't know how
to break this to you, Maddie...

...but people don't get up
In the night and go to Chicago.

They get up and go
to their refrigerator sometimes...

...or maybe they go out
and rob a local convenience store...

...but they do not get up
and go to Chicago.

Please don't yell, David.

You know, some people
discuss this sort of thing...

...mull it over, say goodbye.

You got something against
advance reservations for lower fares?

David, please.

Okay.

All right, just a little ragged
around the edges, that's all.

I didn't know where you went...

...when you'd be back,
what might have happened.

I didn't mean to make you worry.
I'm sorry.

But I didn't want you
to talk me out of going...

...and you could have.
You would have.

I'm at my parents' house.

II don't know how long
I'm gonna be gone.

I just need time to work through this,
and I need to do it alone.

-How long are you gonna he than?
-I just told you, I don't know.

As long as it takes
to think things through.

-Waddle--
-And one more thing.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

-Don't call me here.
-What?

Please. Let me call you.

This is important.
Please do this for me.

It's not gonna do me any good
sitting here...

...sorting through my feelings...

...If I jump every time
the phone rings, thinking it's you.

Okay?

David, please say it's okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, tell everyone hello.

And...

...as far as the business goes...

I'd better say goodbye.

Bye.

Okay.

-Fred.
-Fred?

Her name's Frieda,
but she calls herself Fred.

Aspiring actress and waitress...

...or Is it the other way around?

Won't do a nude scene unless
it's absolutely Integral to the story.

This one's a jackie.

Legal secretary by day,
after dark nothing legal about her.

Enjoys sports, especially Indoors.

Favourite colour Is rug burn.

I don't get it.
How can you be sure?

Just a little game
I used to play with myself.

Part observation, part Imagination,
throw In a little libido, mix it all up.

You wanna give it a whirl?

-Well, I--
-Come on, nothing to it.

After awhile you learn to pick up
on some of the signs...

...certain walk, look In the eye,
red spandex.

Right.

But first, If you could refresh me, sir,
why exactly are we playing?

The chase, Bert, remember?
The chase.

Of course I do...

...vaguely.

Mr. Addison. 5'4", light-brown halr...

...beauty mark. Melissa.

Not bad,
I lean a little more towards Suzanne.

No, no, it's the one we're looking for.
Cinderella.

Gotta be her.

She's been driving around
for a half an hour...

...do you think something's wrong?

Probably resting up
tor her big scene.

Pull In, looks llke
we're going shopping.

-Can't we just talk to her, sir?
-Client says no.

Maybe she'll buy something. Sneak a
peek at the receipt, maybe get a name.

You're following me, aren't you?

- I know you're trying to kil me.
-Walt a minute--

No, you walt a minute.
I'm going to walk out of this store.

If you try to follow me, I'll scream.
You'll have to deal with the security...

...the police and all of these people.
So please just stay where you are.

-I'll scream.
-Don't scream.

We're detectives, all right?

We're just hired to find you by a man
that you met at a ball last night.

Had your earring.

Look, we'll just talk. No fuss,
no muss, then you can go.

II don't believe you.

Not to worry, ladles,
store security.

Just making sure you got less than
three garments In there.

Get lost.

Leave me alone.

I'm sorry,
we didn't mean to scare you.

We're supposed to find you,
let our client know.

-Your client?
-Yeah.

He pald us a lot to find a woman
he sald he fell In love with last night.

Is that what he told you?
That he fell In love with me?

Yeah, that's what he told us.

-Look--
-Addison, David.

Not necessarily In that order.

The man you talked to
Is trying to kill me.

My husband lives on the East Coast.

He Is an evll, ugly man.
Kills people.

It's just what he does.

When I found out what he was
I tried to get out but I knew too much...

...and, besides, In that business,
no one ever leaves.

So I disappeared. I came out here,
I changed my name.

I left everything behind.
Money, everything.

And this man who's following you,
the man who hired us...

-...you're saying he's your husband?
-No. No, he's not my husband.

My husband never does
this sort of thing himself.

Looking back, I was kind of stupid.
I shouldn't have continued...

...my charity work. I'm sure that's how
he tracked me down.

I'm an orphan myself.

And my husband has created
more than a few In his day.

-This ball that--
-It's a major source of Income...

...for the charity.
I wanted to be there to help.

So I rented some things, showed up.

And, suddenly, out of nowhere...

...he was just there.

I have to admit
it was a wonderful night.

Something special, I thought.

It was all so perfect...

...until toward the end of the night...

...I'm sure I heard him slip.
He called me Ellen, my old name.

Are you sure you heard him right?

It was late, probably a lot of people
mliling around, a lot of noise.

If I may, the man In our office
didn't seem llke a hitman.

At least not this morning.

He seemed llke a man
who'd fallen In love.

Do me a favour.
Why don't you just talk to him?

If everything goes okay,
If you wanna meet him somewhere...

If this was everything
you sald it was...

...don't you think you owe it
to yourself to glve it a chance?

She sald an hour.
Do you think she's coming?

She'll be here.

HI. I'm sorry I'm late.

-I wasn't sure.
-No problem.

Not every day you get set up
with a guy that's trying to kil you.

This Is a number
where he can be reached.

He doesn't know where you are.

Ball's In your court now.

For what it's worth,
1 spoke to him again.

- I believe him.
-Thank you.

Good luck.

Your choice.

Just wanted to say good night, sir.

Night, Bert.

We did a good thing today,
didn't we, sir?

Yeah.

We struck a real blow for romance.

Can't let everybody
run away from their problems.

Yes, sir.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Don't do it, David.

You promised me you wouldn't call.

Waddle?

You think I'd get used to
these dream sequences by now.

Maddie, this Is a new look for you,
Isn't it?

David, you weren't going
to call, were you?

I asked you to glve me some time
and you sald you'd give it to me.

Yeah.

No. I know. I--
it was a moment of weakness.

I'm over it now.

Now, Maddie, about this time.

WIII you explain again
what you need it for?

-You know what I need it for.
-No.

No, I don't.
You have to explain it to me.

Book-of-the-Month Club,
macrame...

You have to explain it.
I don't understand. I care about you.

You care about me.
We care about each other.

There's a whole lot of caring
going on here.

So why does this
have to be so hard?

Maybe because we do care.
Maybe that's why it's difficult.

If we care so much,
what are you doing In Chicago?

I told you.
I'm trying to work things out.

-And it's time I got back to it.
-What If I came out there?

David, don't.

Maddie, I am tired of this.
I am tired of waiting.

Don't come out here, David.

-I'm coming out there, Maddie.
-No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.
-No, you're not.

You're not, you're not, you're not.

And I'm not coming back there.
Not now, not yet.

Do you hear me? Do you hear me?

Might wanna turn the burners down.

Your yolks are getting hard.

I know how hard this Is
for you, David.

No. No, you don't.

You're not here. I can't talk to you.
I can't help.

-We should be doing this together.
-But we can't. I'm sorry.

That's just not my way.
I have to get away by myself.

To think and be sure.

Yeah, well, maybe that's your problem.
Maybe you think too much.

Maybe you don't think enough.
In fact, maybe that's our problem.

No. That's not our problem.
That's not the way it works.

You don't go away and think to
get better at piano.

You just bang away.
Again and again and again.

Maybe If you thought
about the situation...

...maybe If you could think at all
about anything...

...beyond the vicinity of your belt,
you'd have an Inkling...

...that a no-account, Irresponsible,
legend In your own mind like you...

...has no place even dreaming about
a future with the likes of me.

In fact, where do you get off
even asking If we--?

Walt a minute.
You're putting words In my mouth.

You're turning me Into--

-Addison, I'm a witch.
-If the broom fits...

-What did you say?
-You heard me.

Addison, this Isn't fair. You can't
turn me Into anything you want.

You can't make me say
anything you want.

Sure, I can. For your Information,
I'm In control here.

This Is my fantasy.

Oh, yeah?

All right. I'm Impressed.
She turned me Into a horny toad.

Hey, hey, hey. Back oft, will you?
You win.

I'm sorry. Okay?

It's just that...

...nothing about this feels right.
Me here, you there...

...it's unnatural. That's what it Is.

Yin without yang. Vice without versa.

I miss it, Maddie.

And I miss you.

You know what
the really weird thing Is?

For the life of me, I cannot remember
what life was llke In this office...

...before you were here,
sitting behind this desk.

It just doesn't seem right.
It doesn't seem falr...

...and I don't know
what to do about it.

II don't expect you to understand it all,
when I don't understand it all myself.

I'm just confused.
As confused as I've ever been.

I'm sorry, but I can't help
the way I feel.

Just like you can't help
the way you feel.

But you have to let me feel If,
and deal with it In my own way.

Please?

Okay.

Do what you gotta do.

-Waddle?
- Imiss you too.

-Maddie?
-No. Roberta.

Can we get two guys up here
with binoculars?

-We got a good view here.
-Right, sir.

You have to stand back, stand back.

I got some more details,
Mr. Addison.

There doesn't seem
to have been a motive.

Chase dragged her out
to the end of the pler...

...told some people
who were fishing there to get back...

...and then with everyone watching, he
shot her and pushed her over the side.

Don't touch that railing!

And then, for no apparent reason,
he turned the gun on himself...

...and joined her.

You know what the real kicker Is?

The police say it happened smack-dab
on the stroke of midnight.

Some fairy tale.

They're still searching for the bodies.
Guess the current's strong down there.

Mr. Addison, there was no way
you could have known.

Drop me by Maddle's house,
will you?

Sure, no problem.

It's probably a good Idea.

I know what it's Ilke
when you need to...

...talk out the paln
with someone you feel close to.

It's good having someone llke that.

What a difference it makes
waking up In the morning.

Facing days llke these.

Knowing no matter what happens,
Agnes Is there for me.

Just like Ms. Hayes Is for you.

I'm only going to borrow her car.

Oh, her car.

Then Ms. Hayes
Isn't coming In today?

I guess not.

That's a good way
to get yourself killed.

Prince Charming, I presume.

And the target of his affections.

I hope we weren't
the reason for that...

...display just now.

Impact test. I do it to all my cars.

Look, Mr. Addison, I know
what you must be thinking.

I mean, it's not every day you get
Involved with people who dle...

...but really don't. Just convincingly
fake their deaths for another purpose.

Obviously this woman
has never seen the show.

The truth Is, the other day
In your office, I didn't lle.

The feelings I told you about.

That was the truth.

I just left out the reason I was there.

-To klll her.
-To klll her.

But the other night
I realized I couldn't do it.

That all I wanted
was to be with this woman.

-Unfortunately--
-That pistol In your pocket...

...didn't mean
you were glad to see her.

And so I came to you, to find her.
So I could explain.

And thanks to you, he did.

-So now you got another problem.
-So now we got another problem.

-My husband.
-If I hadn't killed her...

...he would've sent someone
after us.

-So you did it for him.
-A couple of blanks...

...a few witnesses on a dark night.

-That's good.
-Which leaves us with you.

A detective with a few extra facts
and an unresolved case.

We need to be sure
you won't try and resolve it.

Please let us stay dead,
Mr. Addison.

Why shouldn't you get a chance?

Why shouldn't any two people
get a chance?

Okay, you're dead.

Go on. Get.
As In, get the hell out of here.

-Thank you, Mr. Addison.
-For everything.

And they lived happily ever after.

Blg deal.

-Good morning, Mr. Addison.
-Guten tag, Agnes.

-Any calls?
-No, Mr. Addison. No one called.

My kind of day.
No messages to return.

Cheer up, gang of mine.

It's turning out to be
another beautiful day.

Herbert...

...put the heap In the shop.
She's running a little rough.

So stupid.