Moone Boy (2012–2015): Season 3, Episode 1 - Where the Streets Do Have Names - full transcript
Moone becomes a tough guy and doesn't need his imaginary friend anymore.
'It was Liam and Debra's 20th
wedding anniversary,
'and the traditional gift for this
milestone is China.'
A samurai sword?
Happy anniversary, Mam.
If I know women like I think
I know women, she loves it!
That's not what they mean by China,
idiot.
Better than your stupid plate.
Ha, you told her. Idiot.
Well, it's the thought that counts.
Thanks, love.
Got you something a bit more
fitting for your weekend away, Deb.
And I got it a size too big,
for wandering hands.
Sweet Jesus.
I love it, but knowing Liam, he'll
have me out of it fairly sharpish.
Don't worry. I left the tags on -
you can exchange it for
leggings when you get back.
Great, I actually need new leggings.
Merciful hour!
Right, if we hit the road now
we can drop Martin in Dublin
and be in the sunny south-east
by nine.
The sunny south-east?
Oh, it's like Africa
down there, buddy.
Thanks a million for staying
for the weekend, Lind.
Have you everything you need?
We'll be grand, girls, won't we?
My new roomies
will show me the ropes.
Wish I had a rope.
It's weird she didn't ask you where
you got a samurai sword, though.
How come Martin gets to stay
in Dublin with Uncle Danny?
Well, Moone men are in
a minority around here,
and we thought it was time
for Martin to bond with his uncle.
Just two fellas, getting to know
each other, by themselves.
Hiya, lads. I've a full stomach
and an empty bladder.
Let's see what the old Renault
can do on the open road!
Oh, now THERE'S a pleased lady.
So, you're going on a second
honeymoon?
Ooh.
Won't be as good as
the first time though,
when she was 20 years younger,
hah, Liam?
Don't worry, love.
You've still got it.
Well, I've certainly got some of it.
You brought your geography book?
I thought I'd do
a bit of revising on the road.
Learn a bit about Dublin.
Learning? Not on my watch.
My book!
My precious book.
Padraic, this is three whole days
we can forget about bloody books!
We know our geography,
we're going to Dublin.
The Windy City of Angels!
Tinker's Tinseltown!
# I want to run
# Down the Champs-Elysees
# I want to see Disneyland
# On Sunday
# We'll visit Big Ben
# And the Taj Mahal
# Where the streets do have names. #
I'm not sure Big Ben is in Dublin.
I think you're wrong, but we'll get
some brochures at the Pyramids.
Oh, yeah.
They must just be gone for petrol
or something.
Can't imagine they'd just leave us.
We're the best ones!
Are you heading off, are you?
All right.
I'll just... wait here alone.
I'm better than this.
Wow.
This is cool.
I think.
Where are our beds, Uncle Danny?
You're sitting on it.
Who wants milk?
Milk? I've cows at home.
No, this is Dublin milk.
Probably comes
from buses or some shit.
Sorry, lads, I've no glasses.
No bother,
I'm well used to drinking jam.
Listen, boys - we are going
to have a fun weekend.
That I guarantee.
But I am going to have
to work in the morning.
Oh, are you doing music things?
Oh, no.
I'm really only a music man
on the minimum, Marty.
Don't want to be a slave to the
tunes, you know. Oh, I do know.
I buy, I sell, I keep my fingers
in a beaucoup of pies.
Are you double jointed?
A keen heart and nimble fingers
will unlock any door, little fella.
I feel like I should be writing
this stuff down.
Yeah, he's very enigmatic
for someone who doesn't own
drinking glasses.
Danny Moone, ici.
Ooh, espanol!
Thing is, Bono, I'm still waiting
on last week's money, so...
Bono, Bono, Bono - you tell Larry if
he wants a hand with his drums, he's
going to have to cough up the ching
ching pronto, you know what I mean?
All right. Cheerio, Bono.
Uch, musicians.
Was that Bono from U2?
No. Different Bono.
He's a mate I helped empty
some sewage drums
into the Liffey last week.
Bono's a very common name
in Dublin, you know.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Listen, boys -
we'd better get some shut eye.
Early mornings are a ripe
selling slot.
What to do you sell, exactly?
Knowledge.
I sell knowledge.
Good night, little men.
It's like living with the Riddler.
What a night! We haven't done it
like that for ages.
I know, it just went on and on.
It's like we were teenagers!
Blew the cobwebs off, all right.
Yep, it was a really great sleep.
Oh, we should have sex at
some stage. Oh, yeah.
Sure, we've a whole weekend.
Ah, yeah.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica.
It's big, isn't it?
Big.
And powerful.
That's quite a combination, Daniel.
Knowledge is power, Mrs Dunphy.
Oh.
And in my hands right now,
I'm holding the greatest information
resource the world will ever see.
Your hands must be very strong.
Probably from opening all those
flipping jam jars.
Do you recognise your one over
there? The yuppie-looking one? Who?
Isn't it Sheila... Something?
From our old school?
She moved away, I think.
Did you know her at all?
Sharon Morgan!
Jesus, yeah.
I knew her WELL.
You knew her well?
I mean, not WELL...
Just... well.
Hmm.
When was all this "wellness"?
Liam?
Is that you?
Ha!
Liam Moone.
The very man.
Well, there is a treat for my eyes!
Before we met.
Well before we met.
Quickly, quick! The whistle's gone!
Why do you have to move away,
Sharon?
Why is the world doing this to us?
Shh!
Remember, Liam -
I will always be here.
So you're not going away?
Huh? No, I meant your heart.
Oh, stupid heart!
Always getting in the bloody way
of things.
We can't fight destiny, Liam.
We must learn to love again.
Somehow!
But I don't think I can.
Sharon!
Hiya!
Hey!
I'm Liam. You're nice looking.
Talk about a blast from the past,
guys!
It's such a treat to see you... both.
You too, Sharon.
What are you up to these days?
Are you still over in London?
Yeah, yeah - I'm an entrepreneur now.
It's a French word.
I own my own business, you've
probably heard of it, actually -
Body Margarine?
Is it like body butter?
Yeah.
It's similar, Debra, yeah.
But, erm, cheaper.
Oh.
So what are you doing over here?
I'm giving a masterclass on how to be
a successful businesswoman
in the '90s.
You know, just giving something back.
Oh, yeah.
Energise.
Synergise.
Super-size.
Think like a fox.
Outside the box.
Be applied,
be a ride.
Be bona fide -
it's the law, bitches!
In source, outsource, workforce.
Take charge.
Use Body Marge.
Well, it looks... affordable.
Uch, stop, Debra.
I hate it.
I'm trying to revamp the whole
design, you know,
really bring it up to 1992.
You know Liam's really good
at logos and things like that.
Oh, yeah!
I forgot you were
a talented bastard.
Oh, stop.
Do you want to throw
some ideas at me, hon?
Suppose I could give it a go.
I bet you bloody could.
Right! Well, I'd better scoot.
I've got a yoga class.
But I'll catch you guys later.
Yoga?
You haven't heard of yoga?
What, like, the bear?
You're too funny.
Not Yogi - yoga.
It's a Japanese form where
you elongate your limbs
and your muscles to find inner peace.
Yeah, I think I saw something
on Tomorrow's World.
I must try it sometime.
Well, make that sometime now, hon!
And don't worry,
all ages are welcome.
Well, well, well.
Aye.
Well, right.
Hey there, book fella!
My wife bought this book by mistake.
We want our money back.
Sorry, pal. No refunds.
Hey, don't call me pal.
Me name's Bono.
Bono?!
Different Bono. Oh.
You seduced me wife.
You seduced her into buying a book!
Hey, Danny!
Oh, hi, Ali!
Hello!
Don't push it, book man.
I'm pretty close to the edge.
The Edge?!
The old yoga's doing
you wonders, Ali!
Great girl.
Ow!
Wow!
Inner-city crime!
We're not even in Harlem yet!
Get in there!
'Not to be outdone by Sharon, Debra
bravely embarked on a yoga class
'and was really starting to enjoy
this China anniversary of hers.'
This is wonderful!
Shh!
No talking during the downward dog,
hon.
'Of course, the thing about China is
that it's really quite delicate.'
Oh, Jesus! 'Oh, God.'
Oh, me hip!
Oh, me fecking hip!
Oh!
Man down!
Flipping hell.
No-one's going to buy
an encyclopaedia from me
looking like this. That's true.
We may as well catch the old
dolphin show at SeaWorld.
I'm so screwed, lads. That was
the only sale I made last week.
If I don't flog some fags before
Monday, they're going to fire me.
No uncle of mine is going to be
out on the street, Danny.
Because this is the city where
the streets DO have names.
And the name of this street is,
"We're Here To Help!"
"..Street."
Wait, are we selling books now?
Dublin, County Dublin - so good,
they named it twice!
You're back! We are indeed.
I was getting worried.
We thought we'd
get a tea-time sale in,
but everybody was out.
Well, they don't call it the
City That Rarely Sleeps for nothing.
Never mind, Marty.
At least you gave it a go.
Oh, we're not finished,
we just came back for more books.
You sold out?
Like Santa advertising Coke.
Martin, they're giving out prizes
for selling books!
What kind of prizes? What are your
two favourite words that,
when put together,
mean something even better?
A chocolate fountain?
Second favourite.
A flipping speedboat?!
Listen, lads. Thanks so much
for helping me out today.
I promise we'll do something
fun tomorrow. Tomorrow?
We're working tomorrow.
What are you talking about?
We've got a chocolate fountain
to win.
Speedboat.
We've got a speedboat to win.
Right. I'm off.
You sure you don't want
to come with me, Tricia?
Always room for young blood
on a manhunt.
No, I've got...
period pains.
Oh, gotcha.
Speaking of which,
has anyone seen my, erm... medicine?
What does it look like?
They're these little pills,
maybe 21 of them,
days of the week written
next each one? No?
Suppose I'll roll the dice then.
Night, girls. Don't wait up.
Right.
I'm going down the bridge.
Why are we always the ones
left behind?
We're the best ones!
Shall we paint our toes now?
Do you want to do that?
Would that be weird...?
You're just going to go.
All right, I'll just stay here.
Oh, the breeze has really picked up.
Oh! It's going right through me.
That's nice and snuggly now.
You have your flask there as well.
Oh, yeah, that'll do nicely.
Oh, Jesus.
Yes!
Whoo!
Oh, hey, guys!
What's hip-happening?
Well, Deb's hip's not happening,
so...
Oh, Debs.
I feel terrible.
All these years and I've never had
a yoga injury, but...
I guess I'm just really bendy.
Oh, there's Marcus. Marcus!
Marcus!
Marcus!
You're a...
..loon!
That's Marcus.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, we were at a rave last night,
he's a...
..loon.
Do you know what I mean?
Absolutely.
Actually, I'm having a come-down
rave in my room tonight,
if you fancy coming along?
Oh, sounds fun!
Sure, we'll... COME DOWN... too, then.
From our room.
OK. Coolio, babe.
Well, I'd best keep bladin',
clear the head.
Trip her! Liam, trip her!
How are you?
More rashers on the way there.
Bet you've built up an appetite?
Vigorous bastard.
Wait, why do we even have suits
with us?
We were hoping to catch a show
on Broadway. Oh, yeah, that's right.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica is
the greatest information
resource the world will ever see.
Fact.
You poor lads.
My da made me work
when I was your age too.
And if I complained,
he just gave me a fecking belt.
Are your das like that?
Dad gave me a belt on my birthday.
I bet he did.
The big brute.
I think it's snakeskin.
'Sorry, lads,
I'm just not interested.'
Wait, please, erm...
A man stole our shoes.
We have no shoes?
'All right, so.'
We need one more sale.
We don't have much time left.
We need to find someone who has
respect for the brand
but for some reason
doesn't own an encyclopaedia.
Well, hello there, beautiful. Oh!
My God, your skin is soft!
Thanks!
I use Body Marge. Oh.
So, is Bono in? No.
He's gone out with his friend Adam.
Lovely. Throw on the kettle, there.
Oh! Two storeys!
Put us on the board!
What?! You sold them all?
Like candy to a cash-rich baby.
We may have come here
in a car of rust,
but we're leaving in
a boat of speed.
Put us on the flipping board!
So, the ice numbs my ear and then
you disinfect it with the vodka?
No.
That's to keep my hand steady.
I don't know about this.
Do it, Sinead! Do it!
Come on, we've all done it,
we've all done it!
Ow! Oh, for...
Ow, my ear! Stop!
Ow! Stop, ow, that hurts my ear!
What have I become?
I need to go hang with my homies.
Oh, my God! Ow!
Stop, stop!
You're grand.
Hey, cowboy!
What are you doing?!
Straight into the canapes, Liamo?
It's a wonder you stay so buff!
Ah! Just a bit peckish, Sharon.
Your anniversary weekend duties
left you famished, did they?
No... buffet was closed.
So, where's Maude?
Oh, she's just taking a little nap.
You're too much for her, Liamo.
You have her tied to that bed.
Yeah, something like that.
Actually, I was hoping to have
a chat with you anyway.
Well, if you want to get me alone
I'm going skinny-dipping later.
Skinny-dipping? Outside?
Nothing I haven't seen before.
I'm sure like the rest of you,
it's aged well.
Like a fine wine.
More like a wheel of old cheese.
I'll wheel your old cheese.
What? So, let's have a look
at these logos.
Sorry, don't suppose you've
any painkillers, do you?
Painkillers? Yeah, that's what
I like to call them too.
I just need something
to ease the old hip. Ha-ha!
Here, these will "ease" you nicely,
love. Great! Thanks a million.
A very happy chap.
These are pretty good, Liam.
They're just illustrations,
really - but you can imagine...
I can imagine a lot of bloody things.
Yes, I can.
With you.
And your big, stupid, arty hands.
Stop being flirty.
Flirty? Where you getting that from?
I'm getting it from you.
I mean, it's lovely to see you,
but the whole Joan Collins thing...
One of my personal heroes, actually.
I don't doubt it.
I think you are just not used
to strong, confident women.
It is raining strong,
confident women in my house.
But you are like a fanny tsunami.
Right.
I'm sorry, it's just all too much.
No, don't be silly, it's fine.
It's fine. Like I said, Liam, these
are, uh... These are pretty good.
But they're Boyle good.
They're not London good.
Oh, God, I'm feeling it now,
meself, I think.
The sea air! It's hitting me!
There she is, the old ball and chain,
rolling around.
Hiya!
What did she think?
It doesn't matter. Let's just go.
Hey!
What's up? Music too young for you?
Firstly, you're 40-fecking-3.
Oh, that's old.
Secondly, you wouldn't know
a good logo
if it kicked you
in your downward dog.
And thirdly,
I feel fecking amazing right now!
I think I'll wheel out
my old cheese.
I'm 39.
Was the music always this loud?
Well, that was... Brilliant!
Wasn't it brilliant?
What a lovely bunch of people - why
do we never listen to dance music?
We could stick Garth Brooks on
when we get... I'd love that!
I'd love that.
And I love you, you big lug.
20 years together and I have never
loved you more, Liam.
Do you want to stay up all night
and talk about my feelings?
No, I want to get you to bed
and spoon the flip out of you.
Wow!
Do you want a go, lads?
I think that adrenaline hit
might push me over the edge.
Nah, you stay here and have your
fun. We're going to head off home.
All right - see you, lads.
Thank you! Hey!
Hey, I made it! Hoo!
Whoa, hitchhiking is tricky
when you're invisible!
Did you get your ear pierced?
Yes, I did shave my legs, thank you!
No, I said did you
get your ears pierced?
So, what are we doing next?
Come on, Martin -
Route 66 closes at five, so... Whoa!
We're going home already?
Back to good old Boyle.
The Town That Sleeps
The Normal Amount.
I had to do some really weird stuff
to get a lift.
Uch!
Achtung, baby!
wedding anniversary,
'and the traditional gift for this
milestone is China.'
A samurai sword?
Happy anniversary, Mam.
If I know women like I think
I know women, she loves it!
That's not what they mean by China,
idiot.
Better than your stupid plate.
Ha, you told her. Idiot.
Well, it's the thought that counts.
Thanks, love.
Got you something a bit more
fitting for your weekend away, Deb.
And I got it a size too big,
for wandering hands.
Sweet Jesus.
I love it, but knowing Liam, he'll
have me out of it fairly sharpish.
Don't worry. I left the tags on -
you can exchange it for
leggings when you get back.
Great, I actually need new leggings.
Merciful hour!
Right, if we hit the road now
we can drop Martin in Dublin
and be in the sunny south-east
by nine.
The sunny south-east?
Oh, it's like Africa
down there, buddy.
Thanks a million for staying
for the weekend, Lind.
Have you everything you need?
We'll be grand, girls, won't we?
My new roomies
will show me the ropes.
Wish I had a rope.
It's weird she didn't ask you where
you got a samurai sword, though.
How come Martin gets to stay
in Dublin with Uncle Danny?
Well, Moone men are in
a minority around here,
and we thought it was time
for Martin to bond with his uncle.
Just two fellas, getting to know
each other, by themselves.
Hiya, lads. I've a full stomach
and an empty bladder.
Let's see what the old Renault
can do on the open road!
Oh, now THERE'S a pleased lady.
So, you're going on a second
honeymoon?
Ooh.
Won't be as good as
the first time though,
when she was 20 years younger,
hah, Liam?
Don't worry, love.
You've still got it.
Well, I've certainly got some of it.
You brought your geography book?
I thought I'd do
a bit of revising on the road.
Learn a bit about Dublin.
Learning? Not on my watch.
My book!
My precious book.
Padraic, this is three whole days
we can forget about bloody books!
We know our geography,
we're going to Dublin.
The Windy City of Angels!
Tinker's Tinseltown!
# I want to run
# Down the Champs-Elysees
# I want to see Disneyland
# On Sunday
# We'll visit Big Ben
# And the Taj Mahal
# Where the streets do have names. #
I'm not sure Big Ben is in Dublin.
I think you're wrong, but we'll get
some brochures at the Pyramids.
Oh, yeah.
They must just be gone for petrol
or something.
Can't imagine they'd just leave us.
We're the best ones!
Are you heading off, are you?
All right.
I'll just... wait here alone.
I'm better than this.
Wow.
This is cool.
I think.
Where are our beds, Uncle Danny?
You're sitting on it.
Who wants milk?
Milk? I've cows at home.
No, this is Dublin milk.
Probably comes
from buses or some shit.
Sorry, lads, I've no glasses.
No bother,
I'm well used to drinking jam.
Listen, boys - we are going
to have a fun weekend.
That I guarantee.
But I am going to have
to work in the morning.
Oh, are you doing music things?
Oh, no.
I'm really only a music man
on the minimum, Marty.
Don't want to be a slave to the
tunes, you know. Oh, I do know.
I buy, I sell, I keep my fingers
in a beaucoup of pies.
Are you double jointed?
A keen heart and nimble fingers
will unlock any door, little fella.
I feel like I should be writing
this stuff down.
Yeah, he's very enigmatic
for someone who doesn't own
drinking glasses.
Danny Moone, ici.
Ooh, espanol!
Thing is, Bono, I'm still waiting
on last week's money, so...
Bono, Bono, Bono - you tell Larry if
he wants a hand with his drums, he's
going to have to cough up the ching
ching pronto, you know what I mean?
All right. Cheerio, Bono.
Uch, musicians.
Was that Bono from U2?
No. Different Bono.
He's a mate I helped empty
some sewage drums
into the Liffey last week.
Bono's a very common name
in Dublin, you know.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Listen, boys -
we'd better get some shut eye.
Early mornings are a ripe
selling slot.
What to do you sell, exactly?
Knowledge.
I sell knowledge.
Good night, little men.
It's like living with the Riddler.
What a night! We haven't done it
like that for ages.
I know, it just went on and on.
It's like we were teenagers!
Blew the cobwebs off, all right.
Yep, it was a really great sleep.
Oh, we should have sex at
some stage. Oh, yeah.
Sure, we've a whole weekend.
Ah, yeah.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica.
It's big, isn't it?
Big.
And powerful.
That's quite a combination, Daniel.
Knowledge is power, Mrs Dunphy.
Oh.
And in my hands right now,
I'm holding the greatest information
resource the world will ever see.
Your hands must be very strong.
Probably from opening all those
flipping jam jars.
Do you recognise your one over
there? The yuppie-looking one? Who?
Isn't it Sheila... Something?
From our old school?
She moved away, I think.
Did you know her at all?
Sharon Morgan!
Jesus, yeah.
I knew her WELL.
You knew her well?
I mean, not WELL...
Just... well.
Hmm.
When was all this "wellness"?
Liam?
Is that you?
Ha!
Liam Moone.
The very man.
Well, there is a treat for my eyes!
Before we met.
Well before we met.
Quickly, quick! The whistle's gone!
Why do you have to move away,
Sharon?
Why is the world doing this to us?
Shh!
Remember, Liam -
I will always be here.
So you're not going away?
Huh? No, I meant your heart.
Oh, stupid heart!
Always getting in the bloody way
of things.
We can't fight destiny, Liam.
We must learn to love again.
Somehow!
But I don't think I can.
Sharon!
Hiya!
Hey!
I'm Liam. You're nice looking.
Talk about a blast from the past,
guys!
It's such a treat to see you... both.
You too, Sharon.
What are you up to these days?
Are you still over in London?
Yeah, yeah - I'm an entrepreneur now.
It's a French word.
I own my own business, you've
probably heard of it, actually -
Body Margarine?
Is it like body butter?
Yeah.
It's similar, Debra, yeah.
But, erm, cheaper.
Oh.
So what are you doing over here?
I'm giving a masterclass on how to be
a successful businesswoman
in the '90s.
You know, just giving something back.
Oh, yeah.
Energise.
Synergise.
Super-size.
Think like a fox.
Outside the box.
Be applied,
be a ride.
Be bona fide -
it's the law, bitches!
In source, outsource, workforce.
Take charge.
Use Body Marge.
Well, it looks... affordable.
Uch, stop, Debra.
I hate it.
I'm trying to revamp the whole
design, you know,
really bring it up to 1992.
You know Liam's really good
at logos and things like that.
Oh, yeah!
I forgot you were
a talented bastard.
Oh, stop.
Do you want to throw
some ideas at me, hon?
Suppose I could give it a go.
I bet you bloody could.
Right! Well, I'd better scoot.
I've got a yoga class.
But I'll catch you guys later.
Yoga?
You haven't heard of yoga?
What, like, the bear?
You're too funny.
Not Yogi - yoga.
It's a Japanese form where
you elongate your limbs
and your muscles to find inner peace.
Yeah, I think I saw something
on Tomorrow's World.
I must try it sometime.
Well, make that sometime now, hon!
And don't worry,
all ages are welcome.
Well, well, well.
Aye.
Well, right.
Hey there, book fella!
My wife bought this book by mistake.
We want our money back.
Sorry, pal. No refunds.
Hey, don't call me pal.
Me name's Bono.
Bono?!
Different Bono. Oh.
You seduced me wife.
You seduced her into buying a book!
Hey, Danny!
Oh, hi, Ali!
Hello!
Don't push it, book man.
I'm pretty close to the edge.
The Edge?!
The old yoga's doing
you wonders, Ali!
Great girl.
Ow!
Wow!
Inner-city crime!
We're not even in Harlem yet!
Get in there!
'Not to be outdone by Sharon, Debra
bravely embarked on a yoga class
'and was really starting to enjoy
this China anniversary of hers.'
This is wonderful!
Shh!
No talking during the downward dog,
hon.
'Of course, the thing about China is
that it's really quite delicate.'
Oh, Jesus! 'Oh, God.'
Oh, me hip!
Oh, me fecking hip!
Oh!
Man down!
Flipping hell.
No-one's going to buy
an encyclopaedia from me
looking like this. That's true.
We may as well catch the old
dolphin show at SeaWorld.
I'm so screwed, lads. That was
the only sale I made last week.
If I don't flog some fags before
Monday, they're going to fire me.
No uncle of mine is going to be
out on the street, Danny.
Because this is the city where
the streets DO have names.
And the name of this street is,
"We're Here To Help!"
"..Street."
Wait, are we selling books now?
Dublin, County Dublin - so good,
they named it twice!
You're back! We are indeed.
I was getting worried.
We thought we'd
get a tea-time sale in,
but everybody was out.
Well, they don't call it the
City That Rarely Sleeps for nothing.
Never mind, Marty.
At least you gave it a go.
Oh, we're not finished,
we just came back for more books.
You sold out?
Like Santa advertising Coke.
Martin, they're giving out prizes
for selling books!
What kind of prizes? What are your
two favourite words that,
when put together,
mean something even better?
A chocolate fountain?
Second favourite.
A flipping speedboat?!
Listen, lads. Thanks so much
for helping me out today.
I promise we'll do something
fun tomorrow. Tomorrow?
We're working tomorrow.
What are you talking about?
We've got a chocolate fountain
to win.
Speedboat.
We've got a speedboat to win.
Right. I'm off.
You sure you don't want
to come with me, Tricia?
Always room for young blood
on a manhunt.
No, I've got...
period pains.
Oh, gotcha.
Speaking of which,
has anyone seen my, erm... medicine?
What does it look like?
They're these little pills,
maybe 21 of them,
days of the week written
next each one? No?
Suppose I'll roll the dice then.
Night, girls. Don't wait up.
Right.
I'm going down the bridge.
Why are we always the ones
left behind?
We're the best ones!
Shall we paint our toes now?
Do you want to do that?
Would that be weird...?
You're just going to go.
All right, I'll just stay here.
Oh, the breeze has really picked up.
Oh! It's going right through me.
That's nice and snuggly now.
You have your flask there as well.
Oh, yeah, that'll do nicely.
Oh, Jesus.
Yes!
Whoo!
Oh, hey, guys!
What's hip-happening?
Well, Deb's hip's not happening,
so...
Oh, Debs.
I feel terrible.
All these years and I've never had
a yoga injury, but...
I guess I'm just really bendy.
Oh, there's Marcus. Marcus!
Marcus!
Marcus!
You're a...
..loon!
That's Marcus.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, we were at a rave last night,
he's a...
..loon.
Do you know what I mean?
Absolutely.
Actually, I'm having a come-down
rave in my room tonight,
if you fancy coming along?
Oh, sounds fun!
Sure, we'll... COME DOWN... too, then.
From our room.
OK. Coolio, babe.
Well, I'd best keep bladin',
clear the head.
Trip her! Liam, trip her!
How are you?
More rashers on the way there.
Bet you've built up an appetite?
Vigorous bastard.
Wait, why do we even have suits
with us?
We were hoping to catch a show
on Broadway. Oh, yeah, that's right.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica is
the greatest information
resource the world will ever see.
Fact.
You poor lads.
My da made me work
when I was your age too.
And if I complained,
he just gave me a fecking belt.
Are your das like that?
Dad gave me a belt on my birthday.
I bet he did.
The big brute.
I think it's snakeskin.
'Sorry, lads,
I'm just not interested.'
Wait, please, erm...
A man stole our shoes.
We have no shoes?
'All right, so.'
We need one more sale.
We don't have much time left.
We need to find someone who has
respect for the brand
but for some reason
doesn't own an encyclopaedia.
Well, hello there, beautiful. Oh!
My God, your skin is soft!
Thanks!
I use Body Marge. Oh.
So, is Bono in? No.
He's gone out with his friend Adam.
Lovely. Throw on the kettle, there.
Oh! Two storeys!
Put us on the board!
What?! You sold them all?
Like candy to a cash-rich baby.
We may have come here
in a car of rust,
but we're leaving in
a boat of speed.
Put us on the flipping board!
So, the ice numbs my ear and then
you disinfect it with the vodka?
No.
That's to keep my hand steady.
I don't know about this.
Do it, Sinead! Do it!
Come on, we've all done it,
we've all done it!
Ow! Oh, for...
Ow, my ear! Stop!
Ow! Stop, ow, that hurts my ear!
What have I become?
I need to go hang with my homies.
Oh, my God! Ow!
Stop, stop!
You're grand.
Hey, cowboy!
What are you doing?!
Straight into the canapes, Liamo?
It's a wonder you stay so buff!
Ah! Just a bit peckish, Sharon.
Your anniversary weekend duties
left you famished, did they?
No... buffet was closed.
So, where's Maude?
Oh, she's just taking a little nap.
You're too much for her, Liamo.
You have her tied to that bed.
Yeah, something like that.
Actually, I was hoping to have
a chat with you anyway.
Well, if you want to get me alone
I'm going skinny-dipping later.
Skinny-dipping? Outside?
Nothing I haven't seen before.
I'm sure like the rest of you,
it's aged well.
Like a fine wine.
More like a wheel of old cheese.
I'll wheel your old cheese.
What? So, let's have a look
at these logos.
Sorry, don't suppose you've
any painkillers, do you?
Painkillers? Yeah, that's what
I like to call them too.
I just need something
to ease the old hip. Ha-ha!
Here, these will "ease" you nicely,
love. Great! Thanks a million.
A very happy chap.
These are pretty good, Liam.
They're just illustrations,
really - but you can imagine...
I can imagine a lot of bloody things.
Yes, I can.
With you.
And your big, stupid, arty hands.
Stop being flirty.
Flirty? Where you getting that from?
I'm getting it from you.
I mean, it's lovely to see you,
but the whole Joan Collins thing...
One of my personal heroes, actually.
I don't doubt it.
I think you are just not used
to strong, confident women.
It is raining strong,
confident women in my house.
But you are like a fanny tsunami.
Right.
I'm sorry, it's just all too much.
No, don't be silly, it's fine.
It's fine. Like I said, Liam, these
are, uh... These are pretty good.
But they're Boyle good.
They're not London good.
Oh, God, I'm feeling it now,
meself, I think.
The sea air! It's hitting me!
There she is, the old ball and chain,
rolling around.
Hiya!
What did she think?
It doesn't matter. Let's just go.
Hey!
What's up? Music too young for you?
Firstly, you're 40-fecking-3.
Oh, that's old.
Secondly, you wouldn't know
a good logo
if it kicked you
in your downward dog.
And thirdly,
I feel fecking amazing right now!
I think I'll wheel out
my old cheese.
I'm 39.
Was the music always this loud?
Well, that was... Brilliant!
Wasn't it brilliant?
What a lovely bunch of people - why
do we never listen to dance music?
We could stick Garth Brooks on
when we get... I'd love that!
I'd love that.
And I love you, you big lug.
20 years together and I have never
loved you more, Liam.
Do you want to stay up all night
and talk about my feelings?
No, I want to get you to bed
and spoon the flip out of you.
Wow!
Do you want a go, lads?
I think that adrenaline hit
might push me over the edge.
Nah, you stay here and have your
fun. We're going to head off home.
All right - see you, lads.
Thank you! Hey!
Hey, I made it! Hoo!
Whoa, hitchhiking is tricky
when you're invisible!
Did you get your ear pierced?
Yes, I did shave my legs, thank you!
No, I said did you
get your ears pierced?
So, what are we doing next?
Come on, Martin -
Route 66 closes at five, so... Whoa!
We're going home already?
Back to good old Boyle.
The Town That Sleeps
The Normal Amount.
I had to do some really weird stuff
to get a lift.
Uch!
Achtung, baby!