Moone Boy (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 2 - Bunch of Marys - full transcript
Martin befriends new boy Trevor but there is a purpose, as Trevor's family are happy to have him round for meals whilst his own mother Debra is spending all her time canvassing for presidential candidate Mary Robinson. This involves a visit - for financial backing - to the creepy local fish magnate 'Touchy' Feeley, who certainly lives up to his name and leaves Debra wondering if she really wants his support
It was election time in Ireland and a
charismatic young senator was
running for president.
Bright, passionate, articulate,
and most amazingly of all...
a lady.
Not an Iron lady,
a human woman lady.
No, that's not her, you fool.
That's her opponent, Brian Lenihan.
There she is! There's Mary Robinson.
Vote Mary. Mary for President.
Not a tart with a heart,
but a heart who makes tarts.
The Mary Robinson campaign had such
low hopes of victory in the Lenihan
stronghold of Boyle that they put
very little funding into the region.
But call it feminism, call it
nationalism, call it boredom,
but Debra and the girls decided to
take up the cause.
A woman for president is it?
Yeah.
Oh, that'd be a lot for her to
take on, all that stress.
I wouldn't like to do that to her...
She does want to be the president.
Does she though?
I mean, I'm signing up for stuff all
the time without thinking it
through.
Maybe I could vote for her to be
the President's wife?
That's grand.
Just put a big X beside Mary's name,
and then she'll be the
President's wife. Alright?
Alright. Unless there's any strong
male candidates of course.
In a bitter-sweet business coup,
Liam Moone had won the Lenihan poster
contract for the whole county...
which really amused Debra Moone...
Hi Mum. As she headed off to her
Mary Robinson campaign meeting.
You sure you don't need a hand?
I'm OK actually pal.
What's she doing here?
I'm de-clawing swans. What does it
look like I'm doing, dumb nut?
But what about Butch and Sundance?
It's been ages
since we last did a job together.
Martin, I thought you said you'd
fill the spray gun up for me?
Oh, balls.
I'm from Sweden.
Yeah... I suppose it has.
Where's Mam?
Campaign meeting.
Again? Wait, you're not cooking
dinner tonight are you?
If you want to do the cooking
that's fine with me..
OK. Let's not go crazy here.
Everyone just calm down.
What delights have
we got in store?
Just some rice and veg and
potatoes.
And sausages.
All in the same pot...?
Saves on washing-up.
Oh that's a shame, Trish.
You know I can't eat cauliflower.
That's broccoli.
Okey-doke. I think I'm gonna go
and have a little cry.
Cool, I'll give you a shout
when it's ready.
Just waiting for the plastic
to dissolve.
Every day there is more
enthusiasm.
People have thought about the
presidency,
they want something different.
They want change...
Look at her there. With her strong
hands and her bouncy hair.
She's like the Joan of Arc
of Connacht.
Sorry - where were we?
Strategy meeting.
Right. Thank you, Debra.
I was thinking, if it wasn't too
much trouble. Doorstep canvassing?
How do we feel about that?
I'd welcome the opportunity.
Oh not right now.
Ya know, it's all very well doing
the door-to-doors
but we really need to get more
Mary posters up.
The one we have is great
but it's just not enough.
There's only one Mary poster?
It seems like more.
That's just cos I keep moving
it around every night...
And I needn't tell you, ladies,
how quickly velcro
loses its velcrosity after a shower.
Don't talk to me about that.
Still, we have our mobile campaign
unit.
Yeah, it's just not very
presidential though, is it?
No, no it's not.
Is there no chance that Liam might
give us a few freebies?
We can't expect charity, ladies.
We simply have to raise some funds.
What a lovely man Liam is.
Oh yes, he's a lovely man.
Ah, he's gas.
As I was saying about the funding...
Let's not have an argument.
What? Who's arguing?
Sorry, it just felt a bit
like an argument there for a second.
- No. No-one's arguing.
- I think you're arguing Debra.
She is, yeah.
It was a bit... snidey.
No.
I am just suggesting we approach
the more affluent citizens of Boyle
and ask for political donations.
Excellent. After the meeting, Gwen.
You're such a clever person.
We should do that.
War averted.
Does anyone in Boyle have money?
There's Pat Burke.
No, no, he's dead, sure.
Oh that's right. James Brogan?
Dead.
The other one. Oh yeah, from Bridge
Street? I thought you meant...
Oh, he's long gone.
Yeah, the big C got him.
Hit by a car.
The younger one.
Yeah, he's dead too.
Francie Feeley has money.
Touchy Feeley?
He's such a letch.
Yeah, my Roger wouldn't like me
going near Touchy Feeley's house.
Right, we're in agreement to
forget that idea.
Francie 'Touchy' Feeley owned
the local fish factory.
He was a rich, uncomplicated tool
whose nickname was earned due
to his over-exuberant affection.
Touchy's physical bonhomie may
have been welcomed
had he not always borne the fresh
scent of gutted mackerel.
There's more than one way to skin a
cat and you don't want to be the
cat.
Bye-bye now, Father.
Presidential election looms now
and Brian Lenihan seems
surging ahead today in the opinion
polls, while Labour's Mary Robinson
says she is still in the race.
They'll say quite openly, "This time
I'm voting for the best person
"to be president and I'm going to
vote for you."
I'll mop the floor with you
Robinson.
This is quite progressive of you,
Brian.
When you lose the election you'll
make a good house-husband.
We are not eating that shit.
Oh great, I'm in time.
Thought ye'd have finished eating.
I have.
Did you get a hair cut?
Just a trim. What do you think?
Oh my god! You got the 'Mary'!
I did.
What is it? Is it a person?
I love it, Mam! The 'Mary'
is sooo 'in' at the moment.
Stop it! It's modern and
sophisticated... and articulate.
An articulate haircut?
You wouldn't understand,
it's about feminism.
So... Is it shorter than it was?
Sorry, wrong house.
Great.
Yeah, I think I'll try
another house too.
This election is more important
for them as women
than any membership
of any political party.
I was thinking,
to help ease your conscience,
maybe I'd let you do a few Mary
posters for free.
Just so you can sleep
better at night.
That's your fake snore. Your real
snore is far more unpleasant.
I said I'd give ye a discount.
Now push over.
I suppose there's just no
room for a modern woman these days.
All right, Joni Mitchell,
park yer horse. I like Mary, I do.
But I have to get paid though.
How do you feel about half price?
Well, not great,
but half of nothing is nothing.
So sure,
half price it is, now shift over.
Do we have the clappy light thing?
The bulb's loose.
Want some?
Nah, I'm gonna show off my new look.
I'm gonna go for another strut.
Back... the truck... up.
That's no rice sandwich. Is it? No.
Oh, sweet mercy. That's gravy.
Mmm... Oh, it smells like angels.
Is that jasmine? Is that what that
is? It's jasmine.
It's jasmine gravy.
Delicious Baby J, did you see that?
You know what that is, don't you?
Do it! Follow your gut, man.
Martin, that child is eating a
homemade wagon wheel!
I don't believe we've met.
Look at this place...
He calls it "The Pollack Palace".
Although the guards call it
"Elm Street".
Cos so many women come running
out screaming.
We have do it. For Mary.
So yer Mam is an actual chef?
Well, kinda. She's a pastry chef.
A pastry chef.
But she doesn't do it
full-time anymore,
so now she just bakes for us
at home.
Just bakes for you at home.
Yeah, it's so boring. All she talks
about is bloody delicious food.
If I eat one more eclair this week
I think I might scream.
Mmm... cream.
Are you OK?
Yeah, never been butter.
Want to come in and play?
Yeah! I'm starving!
Our granddaughters will thank us.
I had a hysterectomy in 1984.
You're talkin' gobbledygook.
It's not my fault you didn't read
the ad properly!
Hello, you must be the suffragettes.
Skedaddle down there, but pop your
shoes off first... and your socks.
Well, Barbara, that was delicious.
Duck I'orange? Birds and fruit?
Who knew?!
I'm gonna go home
and stick a banana in a pigeon!
Yeah or a pineapple in a pheasant.
Yeah, I don't think that
would work, Mike.
We're just
so glad that Trevor's made a friend.
A best friend! Is that Pavlova?!
It's Pavlova Tuesday.
Want some jus?
You bet I feckin jus!
Thanks, Eclair.
As Martin filled his neglected
belly, the Robinson Crusaders tried
to fill their campaign chests.
And we think she'd be great for
women's rights,
and breaking down boundaries.
There's nothing I like more than
breaking down women's boundaries.
For too long women have had their
hands tied,
struggling to breathe
beneath mirrored ceilings.
Em... Glass ceilings?
Indeed.
It's like Mary said you know:
"If the rights of women are
constrained,
"no man can be truly free.
"He may have the power,
but he will not have freedom."
Wow, you're actually quoting her.
You seem surprised.
Did I not tell you
I was a big Mary-man?
You do seem like a big
Mary-man all right.
Well I am. I'm huge...
Do you have one of those
full-size Mary posters,
with the legs and everything?
Eh, no. I'm afraid we don't.
Why not? If I had a body like hers,
I'd be displaying it everywhere.
Thing is, we're actually kinda
having some funding issues.
Not any more you're not!
What do you mean?
I'll give ye money.
Was that not obvious?
Cos I was pointing at myself
and everything. With me thumb.
Oh right, yeah. Of course.
Sorry. Well, anything you can do to
help the cause would be...
A thousand pounds!
Wow, that would be amazing.
That's no problem. It's like the old
saying "you scratch my back etc."
Great!
Sorry, sorry when you say, scratch...
Nobody puts Mary in the corner!
Dirty Dancing.
Brilliant. Will you watch a film?
Em, no, think we'd better go.
- I think you'd better.
- We'd better go.
Now would they be pop socks or
a full tight?
Full tight. You can't tell.
Au revoir, mes petites
revolutionaires.
Ooh, he speaks French.
They have the best maids.
You all right there?
Ooh, give us a kiss. Mwah!
Hey, come here. You don't get away
so easily. Mwah!
She nearly slipped through me net.
I did. Thank you again,
Mr Feeley, it's very refreshing.
All right. I'll be in touch.
Oh, that was delicious! Barbara
truly does have wands for hands.
Yeah...
I think I was too chatty though.
What? No, you were charming.
Is what you were, Sir.
Really?
Yeah. Really! Your missing pencil
case anecdote killed me, as always.
Well, that is a great story.
I can't wait to come back tomorrow
night.
Oh, do you really think
I should go back so soon?
Of course you should.
Martin, they'd be so disappointed
if you weren't here tomorrow night.
They wouldn't even eat.
You are so right.
I'm too hard on myself.
I'm always saying it.
But would Martin's best friend be
so welcoming of his new pastry pal?
You're a riot. I didn't say
anything.
Well this is a bit sudden.
You're all over that new
kid like a tramp on chips.
Chips? Are people still eating
chips? Here, try this.
That is a chocolate mouse ingested
with homemade creme egg.
His mam makes them, P.
With her wand hands!
Ohhhh, I get it. So
you're just using him.
Ah that's grand then.
No. It's not like that.
Trevvy's cool.
He raps and everything.
Deadly!
When I play a dope melody.
Anything less than the best is
a felony. Love it or leave it,
You better gang way - You better hit
bull's eye, the kid don't play.
6-2-2-4-7?
6-2-2-4-8. I'm looking for.
No problem, bye-bye.
Wait, wait I'm joking with you.
It's me.
Oh. Hi, Mr Feeley.
Just yanking the old chain there!
Good one.
I've a cheque I've
written here for ya.
That's great, thanks again.
I've been thinking about what I'd
like you to do to return the favour.
Oh... Right.
I'd like you to come over
and do a spot of cleaning for me.
Excuse me?
Remember we were
talking about scratching each other.
When I said I'd give you
the thousand pounds.
Well, I'm sure
we can get someone to go over and...
No, it has to be yourself and Linda.
These foreign
cleaners are dropping like flies.
I need strong Irish
backs for the things I need doing.
Well, I'll have to talk to
Linda of course.
Brilliant! I'll see you later on.
And Debra?
Wear something nice.
Oh, hi Martin.
I wasn't sure what we were eating,
so I just brought a bottle of both.
Cover all bases.
I'm gonna open this one, ya might
wanna throw that in the fridge.
And there's no chance he just
wants ye to clean his house?
They call him "Touchy Feeley" not
"Keeps his hands to himself Feeley"
Look, I'm happy to embarrass
myself for the cause. Sure look it.
If I have to parade around in
whatever...
Do a little polishing for
the sake of feminism, then so be it.
It's all for the greater good. Yeah,
and I've got some stuff we can wear.
What's your bra size?
NO!
I'm not finished.
We're here to better our plight, not
muddy it. This is our time.
I've rented myself to enough bad
men. It's time to own myself.
Votes or no votes, if we succumb to
this endless BS, we lose.
And I am here to win. For every
Irish woman who is sick and tired of
the fish-stenched mouth of sexism.
And so, our brave ladies
of the night planned a subliminal
campaign for the ages.
No, they didn't have
money for posters and no,
they couldn't be bothered going door
to door so they did what women do.
They used trickery to get what
they wanted.
Hellooo... Is this
the Shannonside FM request line?
OK that was Smokey Robinson,
and now again by popular request
here's "Mary" by The 4 Of Us.
Vote for Mary.
Amen?
Vote for Mary.
What? Vote for Mary.
Nice.
Meanwhile which our latchkey kid...
Hey, Babs. What's cookin'?
Oh, is Trevor not joining us?
Martin...
Tonight is just eh...
"Family Night".
But it's Tuesday. Pavlova Tuesday.
Tuesday is Family Night now.
Actually every night is
family night now.
But I brought my own jus!
Martin, will you please
just let us be?
Well girls, here's the poll.
Moment of truth.
60% for Brian. 10% for Mary.
30% for Mary
as the President's Wife.
No change then.
Well, so much for campaigning
without posters...
Maybe we should just be happy with
her as the president's wife.
No!
Well what else can we do?
Good question, Noreen, what
else could you do?
With the electorate stuck in the past
and Liam holding firm on half price,
Debra was forced to turn to the
fresh, fishy friend of feminism.
Hello, Francie, it's me. 'I thought
I told you to leave me alone.'
Eh no, no, sorry - it's Debra Moone.
Well, Debra, it's about time.
This back-scratching offer
was about to expire...
So we're still on for the thousand
pounds then?
So long as you're still
on for getting down and dirty...
By which I mean doing the cleaning.
And remember -
wear something nice...
Why do you even have these?
Don't ask any questions, Deb.
I just can't believe
they still fit us.
Come in, girls, the water's warm.
I'm looking forward to this girls.
I've been feeling awful filthy
today.
Well, wouldn't you know it.
The suffragettes finally bottled
it.
Women.
You know I think you'll do just
grand. Slip your shoes off.
And your socks.
I feel so ashamed.
Is this really necessary?
Deb, if we're going to demean
ourselves for Mary,
then we're going to do it properly -
the way she'd want it done.
Absolutely.
Exploitation for the nation
What the...?
Marys! Non-velcro Marys.
Thanks to Liam and Mary Men
around the country the new
presidential voice of Ireland would
be a feminine one...
Citizens of Ireland...
Ish.
You have chosen me to represent you.
Scrub him good, Dad.
I can still smell fish!
May God direct me, so that my
presidency is one of justice, peace
and love.
Right in there!
May I have the fortune to preside
over an Ireland at a time
of exciting transformation.
Now come on, Liam, you know what to
do.
Get in there, Butch.
Right in all the nooks and crannies
where the fishy smell hides.
Where hope and history rhyme.
Where I, the president, can sing to
you the joyous refrain.
Oh, for the love of God!
I am of Ireland. Come dance with me
in Ireland.
I feel like a Ghostbuster.
charismatic young senator was
running for president.
Bright, passionate, articulate,
and most amazingly of all...
a lady.
Not an Iron lady,
a human woman lady.
No, that's not her, you fool.
That's her opponent, Brian Lenihan.
There she is! There's Mary Robinson.
Vote Mary. Mary for President.
Not a tart with a heart,
but a heart who makes tarts.
The Mary Robinson campaign had such
low hopes of victory in the Lenihan
stronghold of Boyle that they put
very little funding into the region.
But call it feminism, call it
nationalism, call it boredom,
but Debra and the girls decided to
take up the cause.
A woman for president is it?
Yeah.
Oh, that'd be a lot for her to
take on, all that stress.
I wouldn't like to do that to her...
She does want to be the president.
Does she though?
I mean, I'm signing up for stuff all
the time without thinking it
through.
Maybe I could vote for her to be
the President's wife?
That's grand.
Just put a big X beside Mary's name,
and then she'll be the
President's wife. Alright?
Alright. Unless there's any strong
male candidates of course.
In a bitter-sweet business coup,
Liam Moone had won the Lenihan poster
contract for the whole county...
which really amused Debra Moone...
Hi Mum. As she headed off to her
Mary Robinson campaign meeting.
You sure you don't need a hand?
I'm OK actually pal.
What's she doing here?
I'm de-clawing swans. What does it
look like I'm doing, dumb nut?
But what about Butch and Sundance?
It's been ages
since we last did a job together.
Martin, I thought you said you'd
fill the spray gun up for me?
Oh, balls.
I'm from Sweden.
Yeah... I suppose it has.
Where's Mam?
Campaign meeting.
Again? Wait, you're not cooking
dinner tonight are you?
If you want to do the cooking
that's fine with me..
OK. Let's not go crazy here.
Everyone just calm down.
What delights have
we got in store?
Just some rice and veg and
potatoes.
And sausages.
All in the same pot...?
Saves on washing-up.
Oh that's a shame, Trish.
You know I can't eat cauliflower.
That's broccoli.
Okey-doke. I think I'm gonna go
and have a little cry.
Cool, I'll give you a shout
when it's ready.
Just waiting for the plastic
to dissolve.
Every day there is more
enthusiasm.
People have thought about the
presidency,
they want something different.
They want change...
Look at her there. With her strong
hands and her bouncy hair.
She's like the Joan of Arc
of Connacht.
Sorry - where were we?
Strategy meeting.
Right. Thank you, Debra.
I was thinking, if it wasn't too
much trouble. Doorstep canvassing?
How do we feel about that?
I'd welcome the opportunity.
Oh not right now.
Ya know, it's all very well doing
the door-to-doors
but we really need to get more
Mary posters up.
The one we have is great
but it's just not enough.
There's only one Mary poster?
It seems like more.
That's just cos I keep moving
it around every night...
And I needn't tell you, ladies,
how quickly velcro
loses its velcrosity after a shower.
Don't talk to me about that.
Still, we have our mobile campaign
unit.
Yeah, it's just not very
presidential though, is it?
No, no it's not.
Is there no chance that Liam might
give us a few freebies?
We can't expect charity, ladies.
We simply have to raise some funds.
What a lovely man Liam is.
Oh yes, he's a lovely man.
Ah, he's gas.
As I was saying about the funding...
Let's not have an argument.
What? Who's arguing?
Sorry, it just felt a bit
like an argument there for a second.
- No. No-one's arguing.
- I think you're arguing Debra.
She is, yeah.
It was a bit... snidey.
No.
I am just suggesting we approach
the more affluent citizens of Boyle
and ask for political donations.
Excellent. After the meeting, Gwen.
You're such a clever person.
We should do that.
War averted.
Does anyone in Boyle have money?
There's Pat Burke.
No, no, he's dead, sure.
Oh that's right. James Brogan?
Dead.
The other one. Oh yeah, from Bridge
Street? I thought you meant...
Oh, he's long gone.
Yeah, the big C got him.
Hit by a car.
The younger one.
Yeah, he's dead too.
Francie Feeley has money.
Touchy Feeley?
He's such a letch.
Yeah, my Roger wouldn't like me
going near Touchy Feeley's house.
Right, we're in agreement to
forget that idea.
Francie 'Touchy' Feeley owned
the local fish factory.
He was a rich, uncomplicated tool
whose nickname was earned due
to his over-exuberant affection.
Touchy's physical bonhomie may
have been welcomed
had he not always borne the fresh
scent of gutted mackerel.
There's more than one way to skin a
cat and you don't want to be the
cat.
Bye-bye now, Father.
Presidential election looms now
and Brian Lenihan seems
surging ahead today in the opinion
polls, while Labour's Mary Robinson
says she is still in the race.
They'll say quite openly, "This time
I'm voting for the best person
"to be president and I'm going to
vote for you."
I'll mop the floor with you
Robinson.
This is quite progressive of you,
Brian.
When you lose the election you'll
make a good house-husband.
We are not eating that shit.
Oh great, I'm in time.
Thought ye'd have finished eating.
I have.
Did you get a hair cut?
Just a trim. What do you think?
Oh my god! You got the 'Mary'!
I did.
What is it? Is it a person?
I love it, Mam! The 'Mary'
is sooo 'in' at the moment.
Stop it! It's modern and
sophisticated... and articulate.
An articulate haircut?
You wouldn't understand,
it's about feminism.
So... Is it shorter than it was?
Sorry, wrong house.
Great.
Yeah, I think I'll try
another house too.
This election is more important
for them as women
than any membership
of any political party.
I was thinking,
to help ease your conscience,
maybe I'd let you do a few Mary
posters for free.
Just so you can sleep
better at night.
That's your fake snore. Your real
snore is far more unpleasant.
I said I'd give ye a discount.
Now push over.
I suppose there's just no
room for a modern woman these days.
All right, Joni Mitchell,
park yer horse. I like Mary, I do.
But I have to get paid though.
How do you feel about half price?
Well, not great,
but half of nothing is nothing.
So sure,
half price it is, now shift over.
Do we have the clappy light thing?
The bulb's loose.
Want some?
Nah, I'm gonna show off my new look.
I'm gonna go for another strut.
Back... the truck... up.
That's no rice sandwich. Is it? No.
Oh, sweet mercy. That's gravy.
Mmm... Oh, it smells like angels.
Is that jasmine? Is that what that
is? It's jasmine.
It's jasmine gravy.
Delicious Baby J, did you see that?
You know what that is, don't you?
Do it! Follow your gut, man.
Martin, that child is eating a
homemade wagon wheel!
I don't believe we've met.
Look at this place...
He calls it "The Pollack Palace".
Although the guards call it
"Elm Street".
Cos so many women come running
out screaming.
We have do it. For Mary.
So yer Mam is an actual chef?
Well, kinda. She's a pastry chef.
A pastry chef.
But she doesn't do it
full-time anymore,
so now she just bakes for us
at home.
Just bakes for you at home.
Yeah, it's so boring. All she talks
about is bloody delicious food.
If I eat one more eclair this week
I think I might scream.
Mmm... cream.
Are you OK?
Yeah, never been butter.
Want to come in and play?
Yeah! I'm starving!
Our granddaughters will thank us.
I had a hysterectomy in 1984.
You're talkin' gobbledygook.
It's not my fault you didn't read
the ad properly!
Hello, you must be the suffragettes.
Skedaddle down there, but pop your
shoes off first... and your socks.
Well, Barbara, that was delicious.
Duck I'orange? Birds and fruit?
Who knew?!
I'm gonna go home
and stick a banana in a pigeon!
Yeah or a pineapple in a pheasant.
Yeah, I don't think that
would work, Mike.
We're just
so glad that Trevor's made a friend.
A best friend! Is that Pavlova?!
It's Pavlova Tuesday.
Want some jus?
You bet I feckin jus!
Thanks, Eclair.
As Martin filled his neglected
belly, the Robinson Crusaders tried
to fill their campaign chests.
And we think she'd be great for
women's rights,
and breaking down boundaries.
There's nothing I like more than
breaking down women's boundaries.
For too long women have had their
hands tied,
struggling to breathe
beneath mirrored ceilings.
Em... Glass ceilings?
Indeed.
It's like Mary said you know:
"If the rights of women are
constrained,
"no man can be truly free.
"He may have the power,
but he will not have freedom."
Wow, you're actually quoting her.
You seem surprised.
Did I not tell you
I was a big Mary-man?
You do seem like a big
Mary-man all right.
Well I am. I'm huge...
Do you have one of those
full-size Mary posters,
with the legs and everything?
Eh, no. I'm afraid we don't.
Why not? If I had a body like hers,
I'd be displaying it everywhere.
Thing is, we're actually kinda
having some funding issues.
Not any more you're not!
What do you mean?
I'll give ye money.
Was that not obvious?
Cos I was pointing at myself
and everything. With me thumb.
Oh right, yeah. Of course.
Sorry. Well, anything you can do to
help the cause would be...
A thousand pounds!
Wow, that would be amazing.
That's no problem. It's like the old
saying "you scratch my back etc."
Great!
Sorry, sorry when you say, scratch...
Nobody puts Mary in the corner!
Dirty Dancing.
Brilliant. Will you watch a film?
Em, no, think we'd better go.
- I think you'd better.
- We'd better go.
Now would they be pop socks or
a full tight?
Full tight. You can't tell.
Au revoir, mes petites
revolutionaires.
Ooh, he speaks French.
They have the best maids.
You all right there?
Ooh, give us a kiss. Mwah!
Hey, come here. You don't get away
so easily. Mwah!
She nearly slipped through me net.
I did. Thank you again,
Mr Feeley, it's very refreshing.
All right. I'll be in touch.
Oh, that was delicious! Barbara
truly does have wands for hands.
Yeah...
I think I was too chatty though.
What? No, you were charming.
Is what you were, Sir.
Really?
Yeah. Really! Your missing pencil
case anecdote killed me, as always.
Well, that is a great story.
I can't wait to come back tomorrow
night.
Oh, do you really think
I should go back so soon?
Of course you should.
Martin, they'd be so disappointed
if you weren't here tomorrow night.
They wouldn't even eat.
You are so right.
I'm too hard on myself.
I'm always saying it.
But would Martin's best friend be
so welcoming of his new pastry pal?
You're a riot. I didn't say
anything.
Well this is a bit sudden.
You're all over that new
kid like a tramp on chips.
Chips? Are people still eating
chips? Here, try this.
That is a chocolate mouse ingested
with homemade creme egg.
His mam makes them, P.
With her wand hands!
Ohhhh, I get it. So
you're just using him.
Ah that's grand then.
No. It's not like that.
Trevvy's cool.
He raps and everything.
Deadly!
When I play a dope melody.
Anything less than the best is
a felony. Love it or leave it,
You better gang way - You better hit
bull's eye, the kid don't play.
6-2-2-4-7?
6-2-2-4-8. I'm looking for.
No problem, bye-bye.
Wait, wait I'm joking with you.
It's me.
Oh. Hi, Mr Feeley.
Just yanking the old chain there!
Good one.
I've a cheque I've
written here for ya.
That's great, thanks again.
I've been thinking about what I'd
like you to do to return the favour.
Oh... Right.
I'd like you to come over
and do a spot of cleaning for me.
Excuse me?
Remember we were
talking about scratching each other.
When I said I'd give you
the thousand pounds.
Well, I'm sure
we can get someone to go over and...
No, it has to be yourself and Linda.
These foreign
cleaners are dropping like flies.
I need strong Irish
backs for the things I need doing.
Well, I'll have to talk to
Linda of course.
Brilliant! I'll see you later on.
And Debra?
Wear something nice.
Oh, hi Martin.
I wasn't sure what we were eating,
so I just brought a bottle of both.
Cover all bases.
I'm gonna open this one, ya might
wanna throw that in the fridge.
And there's no chance he just
wants ye to clean his house?
They call him "Touchy Feeley" not
"Keeps his hands to himself Feeley"
Look, I'm happy to embarrass
myself for the cause. Sure look it.
If I have to parade around in
whatever...
Do a little polishing for
the sake of feminism, then so be it.
It's all for the greater good. Yeah,
and I've got some stuff we can wear.
What's your bra size?
NO!
I'm not finished.
We're here to better our plight, not
muddy it. This is our time.
I've rented myself to enough bad
men. It's time to own myself.
Votes or no votes, if we succumb to
this endless BS, we lose.
And I am here to win. For every
Irish woman who is sick and tired of
the fish-stenched mouth of sexism.
And so, our brave ladies
of the night planned a subliminal
campaign for the ages.
No, they didn't have
money for posters and no,
they couldn't be bothered going door
to door so they did what women do.
They used trickery to get what
they wanted.
Hellooo... Is this
the Shannonside FM request line?
OK that was Smokey Robinson,
and now again by popular request
here's "Mary" by The 4 Of Us.
Vote for Mary.
Amen?
Vote for Mary.
What? Vote for Mary.
Nice.
Meanwhile which our latchkey kid...
Hey, Babs. What's cookin'?
Oh, is Trevor not joining us?
Martin...
Tonight is just eh...
"Family Night".
But it's Tuesday. Pavlova Tuesday.
Tuesday is Family Night now.
Actually every night is
family night now.
But I brought my own jus!
Martin, will you please
just let us be?
Well girls, here's the poll.
Moment of truth.
60% for Brian. 10% for Mary.
30% for Mary
as the President's Wife.
No change then.
Well, so much for campaigning
without posters...
Maybe we should just be happy with
her as the president's wife.
No!
Well what else can we do?
Good question, Noreen, what
else could you do?
With the electorate stuck in the past
and Liam holding firm on half price,
Debra was forced to turn to the
fresh, fishy friend of feminism.
Hello, Francie, it's me. 'I thought
I told you to leave me alone.'
Eh no, no, sorry - it's Debra Moone.
Well, Debra, it's about time.
This back-scratching offer
was about to expire...
So we're still on for the thousand
pounds then?
So long as you're still
on for getting down and dirty...
By which I mean doing the cleaning.
And remember -
wear something nice...
Why do you even have these?
Don't ask any questions, Deb.
I just can't believe
they still fit us.
Come in, girls, the water's warm.
I'm looking forward to this girls.
I've been feeling awful filthy
today.
Well, wouldn't you know it.
The suffragettes finally bottled
it.
Women.
You know I think you'll do just
grand. Slip your shoes off.
And your socks.
I feel so ashamed.
Is this really necessary?
Deb, if we're going to demean
ourselves for Mary,
then we're going to do it properly -
the way she'd want it done.
Absolutely.
Exploitation for the nation
What the...?
Marys! Non-velcro Marys.
Thanks to Liam and Mary Men
around the country the new
presidential voice of Ireland would
be a feminine one...
Citizens of Ireland...
Ish.
You have chosen me to represent you.
Scrub him good, Dad.
I can still smell fish!
May God direct me, so that my
presidency is one of justice, peace
and love.
Right in there!
May I have the fortune to preside
over an Ireland at a time
of exciting transformation.
Now come on, Liam, you know what to
do.
Get in there, Butch.
Right in all the nooks and crannies
where the fishy smell hides.
Where hope and history rhyme.
Where I, the president, can sing to
you the joyous refrain.
Oh, for the love of God!
I am of Ireland. Come dance with me
in Ireland.
I feel like a Ghostbuster.