Monty Python: Almost the Truth - The Lawyer's Cut (2009–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Finally! The Last Episode Ever! (For Now...) - full transcript

And now, a short introduction
from the producers' legal representative,

Mr Abe Appenheimer.

Hello, and welcome
to this documentary

containing new
and exclusive interviews

with the five surviving members
of Monty Python.

The producers wish to make it clear that
any views or opinions expressed herein

are those of the individuals speaking
and hold no truth whatsoever.

Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.6

of the Broadcasting,
Video, Television Act, 1989,

subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause...

..subject to clause 4.123,



no viewer or watcher may copy, repeat,
impersonate, mime,

either contextually
or noncontextually,

any material whatsoever
in any public place,

such as a street, pub, club,
hotel, oil rig, Baptist church...

Sorry

We are so bleeding sorry

What happened to that last singer

Well, she's been through the wringer

From singing this bloody song

Which just goes on and on

So l thought l'd have a go at it

Just for the hell of it

And it sounded so fabulous...

..you know, they should've picked me
to sing it originally.



Mind you, l was only 12.

Still, it's Python

Sod it!

We hadn't finished.

We still had
The Meaning Of Life to do,

but we had had the success of Brian.

lt was a big hit in our terms.

The Hollywood Bowl
seemed such an outrageous thing to do,

Monty Python Live
At The Hollywood Bowl.

l think we did three or four nights.

Welcome to the
Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl...

..here in the pretty little LA suburb
of Hollywood.

Well, we're about to witness
all-in wrestling,

brought to you tonight, ladies
and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum.

The world's first ever
combined hair oil, foot ointment

and salad dressing.

And the makers of Titan,
the novelty nuclear missile.

You'll never know
when it will go off.

They were some
of the best Python days,

they were wonderful.

For me, l would say
the pinnacle of my career.

lt was just so exciting.

lt was just a great time
in everybody's life.

There was no pressure.

We'd honed the show down
by being on the road all those times,

so we knew what we were doing.

And the audiences
were just there to have a great time.

They had a great time.
That's what they did.

They came along to enjoy themselves
and we couldn't stop them.

We were evicted
from our hole in the ground.

We had to go and live in a lake.

You were lucky to have a lake.

There were a 150 of us living in
a shoebox in the middle of the road.

- Cardboard box?
- Aye.

You were lucky.

We lived for three months
in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank.

Used to have to get up at six o'clock
and clean the newspaper,

go to work down the mill,

1 4 hours a day, week in, week out,
for sixpence a week!

And when we got home, our dad would
thrash us to sleep with his belt.

Luxury.

People there knew exactly
what the Pythons were about.

lt was absolutely
wonderful to see, you know,

John Cleese coming down the
Hollywood Bowl steps with the albatross.

l mean, people were going mad.

What flavour is it?

Seagull-cicle.

l'll have a Wall's.

The Hollywood Bowl was very much
sort of an audience participation show,

cos everybody was partying.

Albatross!

You're not supposed
to be smoking that.

ln the albatross sketch,
l had to walk out into the audience,

by the time l got back on stage,
l was getting high.

l didn't smoke so it was like,
you know, a few puffs...

lf you're walking through
the audience of marijuana smoke

it was like...
lt went straight to my head.

lt was very surreal.

These people were having drinks

and smoking naughty things,
judging from what Eric said on stage.

Hold it. l see some of these Bruces
are in a playful mood tonight. Bruce?

Some of the ones that
don't have straws up their nose.

Anyway...

The Hollywood Bowl was
an extraordinary kind of experience.

We were all sitting up on the roof
of the hotel, the L'Ermitage,

there was a swimming pool up there
and a Jacuzzi.

We were sipping cool drinks.

They were talking about doing
Sit On My Face and, you know,

for some reason l said,

''Why don't you do it as a barbershop quartet
with the long aprons?''

Sit on my face
and tell me that you love me

l'll sit on your face
and tell you l love you too

l love to hear you moralise

When l'm between your thighs
you blow me away

''And when you turn round you can have
bare bums?'' thinking they'll never do it.

Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine

lf we sit on our faces
in all sorts of places and play

Till we're blown away!

And, yeah, they did.

lt was strange.

lt was such a large venue
to see the Pythons,

these little specks down on the stage,
if you stood at the back.

lt was terrific.

Good evening.

Tonight on World Forum, we are deeply
privileged to have with us Karl Marx,

the founder of modern socialism and author
of the Communist Manifesto.

Vladimir llyich Ulyanov,
better known to the world as Lenin,

leader of the Russian revolution, writer,
statesman and father of modern...

lt was terrific.
l think they had a lot of fun,

and of course every Hollywood star
came out to see them.

Yoko came, John Lennon came,
and every night you'd look around

and there were these
huge stars just knocking about.

lt was like you'd died
and gone to entertainment heaven.

lt was just fantastic,
absolutely fantastic.

Steve Martin also threw a party
for them at his house, you know.

That's the thing you do in Hollywood,
someone hosts a party for you.

And the first question is for you, Karl Marx.

The Hammers.

The Hammers is the nickname
of what English football team?

The Hammers?

No? Well, bad luck, Karl,
it is in fact West Ham United.

We took numerous curtain calls,
we just went on.

l mean, we took as many
as we felt like taking.

Twenty, thirty, whatever, whatever.

We'd just make them up
as we went along, and had such fun.

Eventually, we'd have enough
and go for a drink,

and we'd be downstairs
and the audience is still there,

saying, ''More, more, more.''

And that's when they had to bring down
the big sign saying, ''Piss off'.

- Hey, look. Howard's being eaten.
- ls he?

Makes you think, doesn't it?

- l mean, what's it all about?
- Beats me.

Why are we here?

What's life all about?

ls God really real?

Or is there some doubt?

Just after Life Of Brian came out,

Denis O'Brien, who was
our business manager, very briefly,

told us that if we made another film
straight away,

we'd never have to work again.

And we all looked at each other
and thought, ''That is not a bad offer.''

The actual...
The birth pangs of Meaning Of Life

were much more difficult
than they had been, l think,

for Holy Grail or Life Of Brian.

By then l was doing my own films

and had less and less desire to go back
and work within the group.

Having reached the grand old age
of whatever it was,

l mean, l was well in my 40s,

l didn't want to be in the position
of being outvoted on material.

l'd done a railway documentary,

was beginning to think of writing
a film called The Missionary.

ln a sense, the sort of the...

the end of Python
was sort of visible

before we actually got shooting
Meaning Of Life.

Except that l just love the group,
l mean, so, OK, we'll do it.

But there was no consensus about
what was the film going to be?

And so we started to write a movie

before we were really
in the right state of mind.

And we were always pushing something
and trying to find a unifying thread.

And when we went off and wrote,
as we did for about ten days,

then we'd come back,
gather together and read it all out,

we were always hoping that
somebody would provide a framework.

l've got a notebook
which has got World War 3 written in it

as a possible idea for a film.

We were going to have
advertisement all through the film,

warriors, soldiers with lots of ads
like racing drivers,

and we could actually finance
the movie that way.

We were even talking about
doing commercials within the movie,

so we'd get the money
from all these products.

Graham and l wrote a thing
about a mad ayatollah,

and it was not included,

and l thought it was a mistake
that it was not included,

but it probably explains
why l'm still here.

There would've been a fatwa on Graham
and me, and probably the whole group.

lt was about him fulminating against
all the sins of Western civilisation,

like toilet paper.

And there was a scene
where the mad ayatollah's men

had caught some British adventurers
of the Michael Palin kind,

the sort of 1880s, you know.

And there was a very funny scene

when they were all
going to be tortured to death,

and the regimental sergeant major
went up to the colonel

and asked for permission to panic,

and the colonel
refused him permission.

He said, ''lf we panic just a little, sir,
just a couple of minutes, sir.

''lt would raise the men's spirits,
if they were allowed to panic, sir.''

l thought
there was very funny stuff there.

l think they were really good ideas
that, for whatever reason,

didn't connect with everybody else

and so the thing didn't ever
get that tidy spine.

We eventually ended up
with a screenplay

that was kind of circular.

lt was a little bit based on
one of Bunuel's films

where it goes into dreams
and recurring dreams

and you come out of the dream
and you're back in reality.

You think you are, then it turns out
you're in a dream still. Very circular.

l wonder where that fish has gone.

You did love it so,
you looked after it like a son.

And it went wherever l did go.

- ls it in the cupboard?
- Yes, yes.

Wouldn't you like to know?
lt was a lovely little fish.

And it went wherever l did go.

lt's behind the sofa!

Where can that fish be?

Have you thought of
the drawers in the bureau?

lt is a most elusive fish.

And it went wherever l did go.

We couldn't get a central theme,
we couldn't get a theme.

We tried it, where there were
great long endless sequences written,

amazingly long sort of periods of writing
and then coming back,

giving ourselves six months off
and coming back.

lt really was really very, very difficult.

And so we thought,
''Well, let's do the thing we did.

''Let's go to the West lndies.''

And so we booked a house
in St Ann's Bay in Jamaica.

On the way out there,
l read the script on the plane.

l thought, ''This isn't working at all,
it just doesn't work.''

And l think possibly there was again

a strain on the writing relationships.

l think that Graham and John

were not writing
as consistently magnificent stuff

as they had done in the past.

They were beginning to write stuff

that wasn't working as well
as it perhaps ought to,

and l know they never liked that.

Terry and l
were used to writing tons of stuff,

about 50 of which
was just binned early on,

but for John and Graham,
l think their failure rate

was something they didn't like to...

they didn't like to admit a failure
and they were finding it difficult.

l woke up with this sinking feeling.

You know, l hadn't experienced it
since l did exams at school,

or something like that, thinking,
''l don't want to go through this.''

And l remember after about four days,
l suggested quite seriously,

l said, ''l suggest we just enjoy the holiday,
don't work any more,

''go back to England
and say we couldn't put it together.

''What a shame, we worked hard,
but it didn't work.''

And l almost won the day.

And then Terry Jones came down
the next morning and said,

''Well, yeah, you know,
l've been thinking.

''l really, really feel...''

l said, ''My suggestion isn't a suggestion,

''it's just we've got 70 minutes
of first-class material,

''all we've got to do is write another
10, 20 minutes and we've got a film.''

And he started to come out with a shape
which he'd come up with,

l think virtually on his own.

Actually, l think l said,
''Let's do it as somebody's life story.''

And then somebody else said,
''Well, it could be anybody's life story.''

Seven Ages Of Man,
l think somebody else said.

And then Eric said,
''We could call it The Meaning Of Life.''

Everyone went, ''Good idea.''
So we did that.

We're trying to put the sketches in
to make some shape and form.

Somehow, l don't know, that sort of got
a buzz going amongst the group

and we decided that's
what it was going to be.

And it was going to be a sketch format.

lt's the meaning of life!

What's the point of all this hoax?

l still thought it was sad we were doing
a sketch movie at that stage,

because what gets interesting
as you get into this business,

is 90 minutes.

The story at 90 minutes is the most
interesting thing in show business.

ls life just a game
where we make up the rules?

John Goldstone and l were responsible
for raising the money,

representing the Jewish side
of the group, you know.

ldle must be a Jewish name
somewhere down the line.

Look at the way he likes the money,
must be Jewish.

By then, because Brian
had been a success,

it was very easy
to get the money for the film.

l mean, the hardest thing of all
was doing Terry Gilliam's short.

Terry G had done this section

that grew, it was originally
meant to be an animated section.

l said, ''Let me make it as a live action.''

And it was agreed that l could,
so l was off doing that.

Gilliam would make
these brilliant cartoons.

And he pinned one up of a building.

lt was just under sail,

and he was clearly drawing all that,
and that was beautiful.

Look to starboard.

There it lay, the prize they sought.

Hard to starboard.

A financial district
swollen with multinationals,

conglomerates,
and fat, bloated merchant banks.

We created a moment
when they're saying,

''You must wear more hats,
what is the meaning of that in life?''

What we've come up with can be reduced to
two fundamental concepts.

One, people are not wearing enough hats.

Two, matter is energy.

ln that moment, in through the window
comes this, you know,

the pirates come in.

That's supposed to be
four to six minutes long,

and then on with the movie.

Well, Gilliam...

who is only happy
when he's shooting

and cannot be stopped by anybody,
not even the Weinsteins,

he has to be forcibly removed
from foreign countries,

put in a Brink's van and driven away,
otherwise he'll still be shooting.

He was in the studio next door.

l remember wandering
into the studio next door

and thinking, ''lt's a huge set!''
lt's bigger than anything we'd ever done.

And Terry's section

took about a million quid
or something like that to do.

lt didn't actually,
it didn't cost that much,

but it was not what anyone was expecting,

and it was going on at the same time
as the rest of the movie was shooting.

Terry said, and l think secretly he may have
always had this as a plan,

he said, ''Well, l've got this idea
that we could do it before the film.

''We do it as a short before the film.''

And then, ''l've actually already shot
a sequence

''where the short
tries to take over the film.''

So we tried it like that,
and of course when we did that,

the Crimson Permanent Assurance
went down like a bomb.

Everybody loved it.

The Crimson Permanent Assurance.

lt had a slightly deleterious effect
on the birth sequence,

because that didn't
quite get the laughs

that it was getting
when it came first,

but l mean, you lose some, you win some.

Part one. The Miracle of Birth.

- Hello, now don't you worry.
- We'll soon have you cured.

Leave it all to us,
you'll never know what hit you.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Drips up.
- lnjections.

- Can l put the tube in the baby's head?
- Only if l can do the episiotomy.

There you go. Legs up.

OK. Come in. Come on in, all of you.

That's it, jolly good.
Come on, come on.

Spread around there. Who are you?

- l'm the husband.
- l'm sorry.

Only people involved
are allowed in here.

- Right.
- What do l do?

- Yes?
- What do l do?

Nothing, dear, you're not qualified.

- Leave it to us.
- What's that for?

That's the machine that goes ''ping''.

The Meaning Of Life,
people think about it and they go,

''Yes, it's not so good,'' until you start
mentioning specific sketches.

The mill's closed.
There's no more work.

We're destitute.

Come in, my little loves.

l've got no option but to sell you all
for scientific experiments.

No, that's the way it is, my loves.
Blame the Catholic Church

for not letting me wear
one of those rubber things.

The Every Sperm ls Sacred
musical number

is fantastic and brilliant and still timeless.

Every sperm is useful

Every sperm is fine

God needs everybody's

- Mine
- And mine

And mine

Making a religious or socially political point
about sperm being sacred,

then it goes to the Protestant saying,
''We can have fun,

''they're in the wrong place but we're
having fun cos we're not having sex.

''But it would be protected sex
if we were having sex.''

l can wear whatever l want
on my John Thomas.

And Protestantism doesn't stop
at the simple condom, oh, no.

l can wear French Ticklers
if l want.

- You what?
- French Ticklers.

Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs.

Sheaths that are designed
not only to protect,

but also to enhance
the stimulation of sexual congress.

- Have you got one?
- Have l got one?

Well, no, but l can go down the road
any time l want

and walk into Harry's
and hold my head up high

and say in a loud, steady voice,

''Harry, l want you
to sell me a condom.

''ln fact, today l'll have a French Tickler,
for l am a Protestant.''

The guys... The liver transplant scene,
it's one of the most...

l remember as a horror fan
being slightly sickened by that.

Hello. Can we have your liver?

- What?
- Your liver.

lt's a large glandular organ
in your abdomen.

You know, it's reddish brown,
it's sort of...

Yeah, yeah, l know what it is,
but l'm using it.

Come on, sir, don't muck us about.

- No. Get off!
- Hello.

- What's this, then?
- A liver donor's card.

- Need we say more?
- No.

Listen. l can't give it you now.
lt says, ''in the event of death''.

No one has ever had their liver
taken out by us and survived.

Just lie there, sir,
it won't take a minute.

Whether it's John Cleese,
the housemaster,

having sex lessons
involving his wife...

We'll take the foreplay as read,
if you don't mind, dear.

Of course not, Humphrey.

So, the man starts by entering,
or mounting, his good lady wife

in the standard way.

The penis is now, as you will observe,
more or less fully erect.

There we are. That's better.

Death calling on a bunch of people
having a dinner party...

- Can l ask you a question?
- What?

How can we
all have died at the same time?

The salmon mousse.

Darling, you didn't
use canned salmon, did you?

l'm most dreadfully embarrassed.

Mr Creosote.

One of the funniest scenes
in movie history, l would say.

Good afternoon, sir,
and how are we today?

- Better.
- Better?

Better get a bucket,
l'm going to throw up.

Well, l didn't enjoy playing
Mr Creosote very much.

Originally, l wanted Terry Gilliam
to do Mr Creosote,

but he said, ''No, no, no.
You ought to do it.''

l think he realised
how much make-up there was.

There was three hours of make-up,

you had to put this latex piece on.

l haven't finished.

A thousand pardons, monsieur.

Now, this afternoon we have...

Disgusting scene. Disgusting to do.

And l felt very sorry
for everyone on the set.

And finally, monsieur,
a wafer-thin mint.

Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little, thin one.

No, fuck off! l'm full.

Oh, sir.

lt's only wafer thin.

l couldn't eat another thing,
l'm absolutely stuffed.

Bugger off.

Sir, just... just one.

- All right. Just one.
- Just the one.

l had a different structure
for the film at the end.

l thought we had to get out of the film
as quickly as possible after Creosote.

l wanted to go Creosote,
straight into Death,

and do Christmas in heaven,

and then go to the reprise of Creosote,

with the cleaning lady
and the waiter going and saying,

''Follow me and l'll show you
the meaning of life.''

Come with me.

- l was saying that...
- Come on.

You know, and it goes on and on
and on and on.

And at the end he says,
''Now fuck off.''

Fuck off.

Don't come following me!

That should have
been the end of the film.

Had we placed it at the end,
in the credits,

l think the film would have been
a better structured film

and people would remember
how good Creosote was, you know,

that you finish on a real big high,
you know.

l feel that life's a game

You sometimes win or lose

And though l may be down right now

At least l don't work for Jews

l'm very proud
that it's still offensive.

lf you look at it now,
it's still pretty gross.

l mean, the projectile vomiting, blood,
you know.

''Can we have your liver, please?''
lt's still offensive.

This man is about to die.

ln a few moments now
he will be killed,

for Arthur Jarrett
is a convicted criminal

who has been allowed to choose
the manner of his own execution.

There he is!

lt won a prize in Cannes,

so it must be a good film,
it must be a great film.

Henry Jaglom, film director,
when he saw it in Cannes,

said it was the best thing
Python had ever done.

l said, ''No, there's great bits in there,
but there's crap as well.''

He said, ''No, that's why it's great,
because the crap balances the greatness.''

Blah, blah, he would go on.

l do think some of the material
in there is the best we've done.

lt's closer to the television shows
themselves

with the same kind of balance

between the really wonderful stuff
and the crap.

Graham Chapman, one of the founder
members of the Monty Python team,

has died at the age of 48.

He'd been suffering from cancer.

None of the Pythons
really knew how ill he was

until about halfway through his treatment.

He looked terrible.
He kept telling us he's fine.

''l am a doctor, it's all right.''

''No, Graham, you look terrible.''

l mean, whenever we got together,
he just seemed to be worse and worse.

And yet he was so...lively,
''Yes, it's going to be fine.

''l know the pipe
gave me cancer in my throat,

''but it's going to be just fine,
l'm a doctor.''

And l remember
talking to his brother, John,

and saying to John
that he seemed so optimistic.

John said that he thought
that was just an act,

that Gray, as a doctor, knew how serious
it was from the beginning.

Terry Jones and Alison
came to the hospital

at something like ten at night,

and all was quiet on the ward.

And they stayed
with Graham and myself,

talking for a long time.

And that was wonderful.

And then later, of course, the rest
of the crowd as the day unfolded.

The next day became
a very long and protracted affair

with all sorts of people.

l didn't go down, l was, you know...

l remember writing that song,
Life Will Get You ln The End, a lot.

But l never finished it
because it was kind of sad.

l could hear him whispering in my ear
last night as l was writing this.

''All right, Cleese,'' he was saying.

''You're very proud
of being the very first person ever

''to say 'shit' on British television.

''lf this service is really for me,

''just for starters, l want you to become
the first person ever

''at a British memorial service

''to say 'fuck'.''

The memorial service
was extraordinary

because for some reason,
for some reason,

we lost all of our Englishness,
or should l say Britishness.

The emotion was flowing

as though it was flowing through us
without touching the sides.

Graham Chapman,

co-author of The Parrot Sketch,
is no more.

He has ceased to be.

Bereft of life. He rests in peace.

He's kicked the bucket,
hopped the twig,

bit the dust, snuffed it,
breathed his last,

and gone to meet the great
Head of Light Entertainment in the sky.

And l guess we're all thinking
how sad it is that a man of such talent,

of such capability for kindness,

of such unusual intelligence...

should now, so suddenly,
be spirited away

at the age of only 48...

before he'd achieved many of the things
of which he was capable.

And before he'd had enough fun.

Well, l feel
that l should say ''nonsense''.

Good riddance to him,
the freeloading bastard, l hope he fries.

Everybody treated Graham properly,
with disrespect, basically.

People were howling with laughter
and then in tears ten seconds later

and then howling with laughter again.

lt was kind of the way emotion should flow.

lt really was a celebration,
l love that word,

it was a celebration of him.

And very little reverence
and a lot of laughs, it was good.

Suddenly l found myself
wanting to look back

and celebrate all the things
that we did together.

For Graham was, in many ways,

all the things that we were
most proud of in Monty Python.

Awkward, outrageous, unconventional,

unpredictable, impatient,
and often very angry indeed.

l have to say, honestly,
rarely a day goes by

when l don't at some point
think about Graham

and l can't really believe
that he's no longer with us.

l think, because one
sees the shows so often,

and certainly when you look at something
like Life Of Brian or Holy Grail

you see what a really fine actor
Graham was,

especially on the Holy Grail
when he'd had a few drinks

and he could still turn in
these wonderful performances.

l don't know whether Graham
would have ended up doing King Lear.

l'd love to see it,
or the great sort of tragic roles.

He'd be marvellous.

French person...

today, the blood
of many a valiant knight

shall be avenged in the name of God.

We shall not stop our fight
till each one of you lies dead

and the Holy Grail returns to those
whom God has chosen.

lt was so bizarre that he'd managed...
Which paper was it?

One of the big papers,
he made a lot of money

selling his story that he had kicked
the big C and he was clean.

And then after he got the pay cheque,
he died.

l thought, ''Brilliant, Graham.
That's the way to do it.''

What are Python
going to do ever again as a group?

First, we shall be doing tributes
and memories and programmes

about what it's like to do Python
20 years ago, then 21 years ago,

then maybe 22 or 23 years ago,
we'll skip a year,

then go straight for
the 25th anniversary,

where we'll talk about how it was
creating and doing a comedy show

in the early middle 19th century.

And then it's just
attending each other's funerals.

l think the problem is
we're so scattered over the globe now

that even if the will was there,

l think there'll always
be a flicker of interest,

l think people would say,
''Let's talk about it.''

We even talked about doing another version
of Holy Grail at one point,

and l think it was John
who wasn't interested at that point.

And l think we had worked out
a really nice idea

of doing Grail
as a bunch of middle-aged knights

who have to go on one last crusade.

And we had this fantastic thing
carrying the holy relics of Graham.

And we could use lines from the records
or anything we'd recorded

so he could speak to us and be part of it,
without having to be there.

And we spent a bit of time,

l think that was in Aspen
we were talking about that.

And then everybody said,
''Let's do a show, let's do a show,

''it's the whatever anniversary...''
30th anniversary perhaps coming up.

And l got an offer of like ten million
from some promoter

and we were going
to do TV, you know...

lt was all... l spent a lot of time
with all that boring shit

and then only to find out
that Michael didn't really mean ''yes'',

he was only saying yes to be nice.

Because l felt, without Graham
it wouldn't be quite the same.

And you could argue that it would
be quite similar or quite dissimilar.

l thought Graham was very important,
he balanced it out very much,

his writing, his performing
were necessary for the group.

He meant no, no bloody way, and that is
the problem of niceness, you know.

l don't mind if you say no,
but if you say yes meaning no

and later on you've
gone to all this mess...

l was pissed off with him for a bit

but you can't remain pissed off
with Mike for very long,

so that was sort of over.

Once it was perfectly clear that Python
would never do anything ever again,

publicly or live, l was able
to go out and play my own songs

and do a bit of my own stuff
and go on the road.

And that was great for me,
it sort of liberated me.

l think l was the only one of the Pythons

to actually go and see
Eric's previous show which is,

l think it was called
Eric ldle Rips Off Monty Python.

And he did it at the City Center
in New York.

Eric is the best performer, in a way.
He's very, very confident on stage.

l kept thinking, ''The comedy musical
has got to come back.''

The musicals in those days
were all about the helicopter landing

or a man like that,
underneath the sewers of Paris.

And l thought,
''Well, the most agreeable form

''is that thing where you laugh, song,
laugh, song.''

And then, John Du Prez and l
were searching for a subject,

and, finally, l said to John,
''You know, Holy Grail could be,

''but there's a big problem.
l don't think they'd ever let it go.''

l remember thinking, ''Spamalot?

''Funny name, but what on earth
do you make out of that?''

l don't think we were deeply interested

because we felt it was going back.

And then he sent some songs in
and we got more interested

because we all adored the song
that goes like this...

Once in every show
there comes a song like this

Starts off soft and low, ends up with a kiss

Where? Where?
Where is the song that goes like this?

We all picked that one out immediately,
that was our favourite.

And they said, ''We all find ourselves
surprisingly in agreement.

''We love this project,
we like this thing,

''and we would like to be involved,

''but we think it's better
if you just do it and run with it.''

l think we would have wanted
to make it into something new,

then the ideas never quite occurred,

so Eric sort of took the bull by the horns
and actually did it.

And of course what Eric
and John Du Prez made out of it

was something which...

a dimension added to Python
that none of us thought was there -

the fact it could play for two or three years
on Broadway and the West End

and people would come in
and see us doing,

you know, ''Ni!'' and all that sort of stuff,
and taunters and all that.

l would think Spamalot's brought
a younger audience to Python,

but Python's constantly repeated anyway.

And l think in large parts of the world,

l think a lot of young people
are aware of Monty Python.

My kids are, for example.

lt has something for everybody
and every age group.

l can't think of any other
comedy series that the...

the age group of the viewers

is from nine up to 60,
nine years old up to 60.

And we do, l mean we are
now on third-generation fans.

l go to these conferences and things

and these kids are coming up
who have just discovered Python,

they're eight, nine years old.

lt can still piss off your parents
or teachers or something,

so l think maybe it's still
got a ''pissing off someone'' quality

which is going to be
good for kids getting into it.

They think l'm the Messiah, Mum.

- What have you been telling them?
- Nothing, l only...

You're only making it worse!

Look, l can explain.

Let me explain, Mrs Cohen.
Your son is a born leader.

Those people out there are following him
because they believe in him.

They believe he can give them hope,
hope of a new life,

a new world, a better future!

Who's that?

That's Judith, Mum.

Judith, Mother.

Now you listen here, he's not the Messiah,
he's a very naughty boy.

Now go away!

l often think of it as being like music

in the way that certain bands
can be seen as very influential,

then there's one band
that will take all those influences

and somehow be able to package it

in a way that makes it accessible
to a much wider audience.

Obviously, Monty Python
has tapped into something

that's just a common denominator.

l think just like Beatle music
tapped into something,

it's just really difficult
to put your finger on it

or to, you know, to label it.

l think with something
like The Life Of Brian

and even the sketches
in The Meaning Of Life,

they're so well put-together
they're so well directed,

the production values are great,
you really do get a sense of place.

You know, in the Holy Grail
there is a kind of grime

that sort of makes you feel
like you're in the Middle Ages.

And l do think there's something about
the realism of those environments

into which
all this surreal silliness occurs,

that is one of the reasons it's so strong
and also why it lasts so well.

He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin

Shut up!

Nobody really,
just...just passing through.

What do you want?

To fight and...

Shut up!

Nothing, nothing really, just to pass through,
good sir knight.

l'm afraid not.

Well, actually,
l am a Knight of the Round Table.

You're a Knight of the Round Table?

- l am.
- ln that case, l shall have to kill you.

- Shall l?
- l don't think so.

- What do l think?
- Kill him.

- Let's be nice to him.
- Shut up.

The fact that so many people
have been influenced by them

means that through stuff
that l've written,

and people much more talented
than me have written,

that keeps the Python stuff relevant.

because it is reflected
in everything we do write.

lt's all part of the same
wonderful, creative thing.

And when good things last,

it reinforces your faith in human nature,
to a certain extent.

Quality always lasts out
and l think that...

there have been a lot of sketch shows
and a lot of sketch teams

and there's very few of them
we'll be talking about in 40 years' time.

Good morning, John.

Very auspicious beginning
to your new studio.

- Thank you.
- Fantastic.

This was a work site a week ago.

And now look at it,
still a work site. No.

This is fantastic.

You see, l promised you one day
we'd make some money.

Thirty years l have worked
with this gentleman, man and boy.

l've led him on several
ill-paying ventures

and finally Spamalot...

All the money's under the floor.

We've been working together
for 30 years now

and it's the perfect way to go,
because what do you do after Python?

Well, let's make music, because
you can't compete with Python,

writing sketches or writing films.

lt's just a nice way to go,
writing songs and lyrics, l love doing that.

Fuck Christmas

lt's a waste of fucking time

Fuck Santa

He's just out to get your dime

Fuck holly and fuck ivy

And fuck all that mistletoe

Fucking sleigh bells ringing
everywhere you fucking go

And bloated men in shopping malls
all going ''ho-ho-ho''

lt's fucking Christmas time again

Are we going in here?

We've got two seats here.

- Well, that was a little adventure.
- That was an adventure, yes.

At least we got rid of the film crew.

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute...

Oddly enough, l look back at my life
and generally speaking,

l just, you know, use the old cliche
of never quite grown up.

Something didn't quite happen
when it should have.

The way your voice breaks, so should
your way of seeing the world change,

suddenly become an adult person
and speak rather more slowly,

take bank balances very seriously
and forms and all that sort of thing.

We're at Aardman now.

There is a programme for the day,
but we've got to go and...

- We're late.
- ..see the man.

- We delayed.
- We're late. lt's your fault.

No, no, it's a combination of factors,
both great and small,

have brought... Oh, come on.

As you get older you laugh less,

because you've heard
most of the jokes before.

lt's very sad but it's true,

and l find now that it's more real things
that make me laugh.

This is the smartest operation.

Look at the way they put
these storyboards.

Mounted onto cardboard, flavoured slightly.

- Yeah, it's nice.
- Tiger crab and almond.

l think, yes.

But to put our daughter's life
at the hands of this person.

He's devious, he's deceitful, he's...

he's...Rumpelstiltskin.

Rumpelstiltskin.
So you make him Jewish, eh?

The more difficult part
of being a 68-year-old child

is that the world isn't as surprising

as it is when you're
six, seven, eight years old.

As you get older, the predictability
is more predictable.

That's the hard part, trying to
keep yourself excited about life

because it's so easy to
get bored with life and die,

but somehow l've managed
to keep a bit of interest in it.

Yeah, it's good. lt's really good.
And you don't want to...

- You just want to be in his voice.
- Hey, OK, OK.

Oh, fuck off.

You always stop
in the middle of your story.

l'm glad nobody wrote any music
for the next bit here.

lt's a very rare occasion when there's all...
how many of us are there now?

Five of us now, aren't there?
ln the room.

One of the odd things about Python
was that even when Graham was alive,

we'd meet and we'd sit around
and then somebody would say,

''We're all here,'' and we'd say,
''Oh, yes, we are, aren't we?''

lt was as if we were always waiting
for somebody else to arrive.

l don't know what it was.

We always thought
there was one other person,

you know, somebody missing.

Maybe it was Mr Python himself
or something.

- That looks like Graham.
- lt is.

The look, you know, that sort of...

Graham Chapman when confronted
with someone he doesn't like.

And l say, the pink hair's
just perfect for Graham.

There's an antique quality
about Python now.

lt's like listening to an old 78 record,
with the scratches on it,

and it's another time, another place,
another attitude towards life.

People say ''Let's get the Beatles together.''

That means you
want to be young again,

not you want the old buggers
to be back, you know.

You just want to be young,
when the Beatles were new.

And l think that's the same
with Python, really.

lf we were ever going to do another series,
l said what we should do,

because we're
not surprising any more,

is do the first several shows
so badly, so bad,

they're not funny,
they're just tedious.

Getting everybody to switch off,
so after about the fourth or fifth show,

nobody is watching Python
except two people in England.

Then we do the best show
we'd ever done in our life

and those people would have seen it,

and they'll be on the streets
to explain how brilliant it was,

and nobody would listen,
nobody would listen.

l thought that would be the way
to do Python, finally.

And you feel that you've had quite enough

- Are you in A?
- Yeah.

Just remember that you're travelling
on a planet that's evolving

And revolving at 900 miles an hour

And orbiting at 19 miles a second,
so it's reckoned

The sun that is the source of all our power

The sun and you and me
and all the stars that we can see

Are moving at a million miles a day

ln an outer spiral arm
at 40,000 miles an hour

Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way

The one thing l've learned from Python,
you never have enough yachts.

l've got twelve
and it's just not enough.

John's got a flotilla.

Terry had one, but it sank.

Eric, Eric, well,
he doesn't do yachts,

he does huge cruise liners.

Got four of them up in a bloody creek,
a sort of creek,

it's just a place outside his house
where you can keep boats, you know.

lf ever anyone took action against...
that would be Pearl Harbor,

if they had a go at Eric's little fleet.

But, no, you can't have enough yachts.

..from galactic central point

We go round every 200 million years

And our galaxy is only
one of millions and billions

ln this amazing and expanding universe

And so on.

Have the facts changed since you wrote it?

The facts have changed.
That's interesting.

The facts haven't changed,

our knowledge of the facts
as we think has changed.