Monogamy (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Decisions - full transcript

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Is that it?

- No.

No, there's more.

There's actually a lot more.

I just haven't figure
out how to breach it.

- I'm open to you Connor,
I always have been.

- Not just me.

Right?

- We agreed to play this
full out, didn't we?



- We did, we did.

I mean you played it
a little more full

than I expected you to.

- You played your
way, I played mine.

No judgment, remember?

- I do, yes, I remember I do.

- Are we over?

- You tell me.

- So you don't have to be first.

- I never thought that
I would feel for her

the way that I did.

- We had one plan,
God had another.

- That's very big of you to say,

but I want to know
what you felt?



- Excuse me?

- You heard me,
what did you feel

that you didn't feel with me.

That's the whole
point of this, right?

So we can figure out some
things for ourselves.

- Yes, it was.

- All right, then,
so don't pretend

that this is just some
crazy thing to ask.

It's hard enough to ask once.

- I guess I felt
accepted, okay, enough.

I was okay.

Better than okay, she
made me feel perfect.

- Oh, perfect?

Oh, well, it's been a long time

since you felt perfect with me.

- Because you no longer seem
to need what I have to give.

- Oh, so somehow,
this is all my fault.

- No, it's not anybody's fault,
Sin, it just it what it is.

Look, and from what
I understand it's not

so far off from you experienced.

- Well, Connor was open to me.

He willingly opened up to me.

He was willing to
go deep, real deep,

as deep as I wanted to go.

- Convicts will do that, use
as his leverage for later.

- Was your time with
her somehow more real

because you're both morally
upstanding citizens.

You know, newsflash, buddy,
I'm a criminal, too, okay.

I don't know if you forgot,
but that's what you married.

I'm a criminal, too,
so what do you think,

I just don't feel?

Huh, is that why
it was just so easy

for you to desecrate
our marriage.

- I broke my fucking
promise to you, yes.

Yes, and fuck.

She got to me.

- Oh.

- She made me feel
things that I didn't

even know that I was
capable of feeling

and I know what I promised you,

but I need you to
fucking hear this, Sin.

'Cause you of all
fucking people,

you know how devoid of
fucking emotion I was,

walking around this
whole fucking house

like a zombie.

And yes, I had to sleep
with her to get rid of it.

- Is the reason that
you could let her in

and not let me in, it's
because of my past, right?

Let's just be honest,

let's just put it
all on the table.

You can't get past
my past, right?

Just say it Dallas,
shit, just say it.

- I wanted to protect you.

I wanted to protect you and keep

all the ugliness away from
you so you could be okay.

All right, so I took it all.

Away from you so
you could be okay.

I took it all.

- You know what, I needed
that, I did need that,

I needed that and I
don't need it anymore.

You know why Dallas?

Because we can never be equal,

we can never be partners.

You will always be
carrying my burden

and I'll get nothing from you

and sooner or later our
marriage has to turn.

- Just toxic.

That's what I see,
that's what I feel.

This competition
between us Sawyer

is driving me absolutely crazy.

- That was never my intentions.

- I never said that.

- Well, sometimes
you make it think

you think it was.

Sometimes you even
act like it was.

- That's only because
I see it through

the lens of you trying
to break me down

to build yourself up.

- Okay, I've done that,
I have, I'll admit it.

Mostly only when you're
trying to shove it in my face

how much further you
are along than I am

in my career.

- No, that's only
because I hear you talk

about how much you
want to be a champion,

but then you don't want to
put in the work, Sawyer.

I'm not trying to brag.

I just wanted to show you
that if I could do it,

I know that you
could do it, too.

- See, I always knew
that I could do it baby.

I possess the talent
to be a champion.

I didn't need you
to show me that.

- So what did you need.

- I needed for it to be
okay if I didn't want that.

- Want what?

- To be a fighter.

I don't have the same passion
that you have for it baby.

Being the best, it's
just not that important

to me no more.

- Are you serious?

- I am.

- What else would you even do?

- I've been thinking a
lot about my writing.

I think I want to be a writer.

- What about everything else

that you've worked for
so hard over these years?

What about the gym?

You would just
throw that all away?

- No, I'm not throwing
anything away.

I'm just closing that
chapter in my life.

And the gym, you
can just buy me out.

I mean, you own
most of it anyway.

- I could never imagine
not being a fighter.

I don't know any
fighter who would not

want to be a fighter.

- See.

Do you see how you
looking at me right now?

That is the main
reason why it was

so hard for me to tell
you in the first place.

- Come on, you ain't
have to say it Diandra.

I knew the from the
day, from the minute

we got together you
were afraid of me.

I can build a bridge, baby,

but you gotta walk across it.

- You were not the only one
who's gone through hardships.

I lost my mother when I was 13

and 13 is when a young lady,
when she needs her mother

and I could have made choices

that I wouldn't have been
proud of, but I didn't.

I am proud of who I am.

I'm proud of who I have become

despite of all of my hardships.

- I'm proud of you, too, baby.

I mean you did, so why
couldn't I do the same, right?

Huh?

Your mother, she left
you millions, right.

I mean not just one,
two, I'm talking about

more money than most
people would see

in three lifetimes.

And she was this amazing woman

who massed this
incredible fortune

and she left everything,

she left everything to you.

You know what?

I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna stand here
and go tit for tat with you.

I apologize and I'm
sorry, very sorry that

you lost your
mother, I really am,

but the fact that
you could stand here

and say some shit
like that to me

tells me you don't deserve
to know me like that.

- I never slept with Connor.

- Okay, I don't remember asking.

Is this something we
need to talk about?

- Do you love her?

- Yes.

- Then why come back to me?

- Real things happen
in an unreal setup.

I needed to come
back and figure out

how I really feel about you.

- Maybe you never really
loved me to begin with.

- Of course I fell in love
with you to begin with.

That's why I married-

- You sure it isn't pity?

Looks a lot like love Dallas?

- No, I'm not sure
it didn't begin-

- I can't, I don't, I can't.

I don't even want to
know what she was like.

- Why didn't you sleep with him?

- Why do you care?

- Are you serious,
because you're my wife.

- You know what, I
liked it a lot better

when you didn't
talk to me at all.

- You have feelings for him?

- Yes, I do, I have
feelings for him.

- So why did you come back here?

- Because we're doing
this experiment Dallas.

We're supposed to decide-

- You're not answering
the question.

- I did answer the question.

Jesus.

Dallas.

Dallas.

The day you had to
do the experiment,

it was actually pretty
good, because you know what?

My entire life I have felt like

I wasn't worthy of being loved.

And now I know that I am.

What about you Dallas?

Did she do that for you?

- Yeah.

- Then it did what it
was supposed to do.

We need to see each other
as two whole people,

not two empty shells.

That's why I came
back here Dallas.

I came back here for us
so that I could see you

and you could see me from
a place of wholeness.

We owe that to each other.

- No, no, you do
not owe me anything.

So if you are here for
some sense of obligation,

set yourself free.

You're free.

- Fuck you Dallas.

- You might getting inside
and starting it up for me.

- Ooh, that doesn't
sound too good.

- Piston's misfiring.

- I think maybe
we misfired, too.

I mean partly my fault.

Something I never
shared with you before.

How I was feeling.

- Talking about the
same sex situation?

Come on Caroline, you think
I don't know you by now?

- Well, I mean.

I don't think I'm actually gay.

I just.

I don't know what
I am right now.

- Yeah.

- Well, I guess that
makes two of us,

but whatever it takes
to make you happy,

because I can't be happy
if you're not happy.

- Saw.

That was like crazy
romantic of you.

But how would this work

if I'm still trying to
explore to find myself?

- I don't know.

Maybe we don't work, I mean
not as husband and wife,

maybe just as friends.

- So are you saying that?

- I'm saying that
I'm with whatever,

whatever it takes
and this incarnation

to see what it looks like.

- What do you want it to be?

- I don't know.

Maybe I need to
find myself, too.

- What would it look like?

- What would what look like?

- You'd really just
start all over again,

give up on everything you've
worked for over the years,

because Saw, you're so close.

- I guess I'll
still fight for now.

But I want to write,
Car, you know maybe

a short story of
something or a play.

See where it takes me.

- Seems silly now.

The competition
thing, it seems silly.

- Car, it was silly.

- Maybe now we can
just actually talk.

- Talk.

I think that might
be good for us.

- Were you in love with Maggie?

- I like him.

I like him a lot.

- Enough to sleep with him?

- Yes.

He's good for me.

I mean he's a bit young,
though, I don't know.

It was like a fantasy
and how do you know

how much, what you might
have been feeling is real

and how much is
it just me getting

swept up in the experiment.

- How can you even think.

You don't respect me.

You don't respect our marriage.

- That's not true.

So, if, if you didn't
sleep with her,

then what did you do?

I mean how intimate did you get?

- Intimate.

- Did you want her?

- Yes.

- But you didn't,
you didn't have her.

- Maggie, no.

- But she's beautiful.

And you didn't just-

- I took vows.

To death do us part.

To me it's a literal thing.

I told you that I
would never forsake you

a long as we were married
and we're still married.

Yes, it's messed up,
but we're still married.

- But I needed to feel
rid of you Carson,

so I would know how
I felt about you.

That's why.

That's why I could
sleep with him

and not have the
guilt hanging over me.

I convinced myself
that I had to be me

in order to stay alive.

Hear Carson.

I was heading down a very
ugly place being with you.

I had to know that if my
life didn't involve you,

what does that look like.

- So you're defending
sleeping with him?

- No, I'm not, I'm explaining,
giving reason for it,

not excusing it.

Do you understand?

- We've been opened
up by other people.

The question is are we
open with each other?

Or did we lend ourselves
to this experiment in vain?

- Carson.

She would have
been two years old.

I look at you and I think
we can't live like this.

We can't live with what
could be, what would be.

And yes, I can.

But that's if you still want me.

Do you still want me?

- I want my wife back.

- I'm sorry I hurt you.

Baby, I'm sorry I hurt you.

- I got five.

- I gotta watch you.

How you get five.

Here you go.

It's kind of weird being home,

not going to work or anything.

- Yeah, well no
outside influences,

no family, no friends, no work.

Just me and you.

- Yep.

- Are we done?

- Let me ask you this.

If we do stay together,
what are we fighting for?

- Are you asking me
why we fell in love?

- Well, if that's the
answer to the question, yes,

that's what I'm asking you.

- Well, we'll be
fighting for all

the good times that we had.

You made me laugh
at myself and how

we'd spend all day together,
make love all night long.

And how we just couldn't
get enough of each other.

- And we'd watch
movies, discuss the plot

while we ate
chocolate ice cream.

And cake.

Stay in bed all day on Sunday.

It was all the
things we did before

you found out where
I really came from.

What's so hard for you
to get past Diandra?

- Play.

Let's just say that
I've never operated

in the minors before and
you not only operate there,

but you thrive there.

A part of me feels like
you really don't deserve

a chance at a normal life.

Maybe that's a horrible
thing for a wife

to say to her husband.

- No, I mean I get it.

I understand now.

I understand why Dallas
is so attractive to you

because his wounds
are honorable.

Mine are dishonorable.

I mean the bad guy's
not supposed to win,

so I get what I deserve.

At least it's honest.

It's a lot better
than we were doing

before the experiment.

- Why didn't you sleep with her?

Domino.

- What?

Here.

- Best night we've
had in a minute, huh?

- She has a perfect
body, does she not?

- She does.

Athletically toned
in the right places,

knows how to use it, too.

I mean is that what
you want to hear?

- Only if it's the truth.

- What about our truth?

When are we gonna
talk about that.

- There's something
that I need to tell you.

Do you need to get that?

- No, what were you saying?

- Okay.

Um, okay, so.

- What?

All right, I gotta use
the bathroom, I'm sorry.

Give me a second.

- White flag, I come in peace.

- That's the most we've
joked in two years.

- I see myself better.

I see us better, too.

- What do you see?

- I see a burnt
out old cop afraid

that the woman,
the wife he saved

is becoming this
wonderful doctor,

making more money than him,

traveling in better
circles than he ever could.

- Dallas.

- She doesn't need him.

- Dallas.

- I'm saying it's okay.

True or not, that's how I feel.

How crazy is it
that I am saying I'm

feeling anything again.

I have you to thank for that.

- Well, the experiment
was your idea.

You have Diandra
to thank for that.

But if you are feeling again,

then I get to be the first in
line to know you like that.

I deserve that Dallas.

- Connor?

- Yes, yes, Dallas I
have a special place

in my heart for him, but
that was all fantasy,

put on my a bunch of
people that we never saw,

doing the experiment that
would never happen otherwise.

Connor isn't you.

- Are you thinking what
I think you're saying?

- Well, if you think I'm saying

we're not done, then yes.

It's your move cowboy.

- Excuse me.

- You're okay, you're good.

- She wouldn't.

She and Dallas made an
agreement which he broke.

Not her.

She didn't.

At least not all the way anyway.

- Okay.

- We talked instead.

- Talked about what?

- Life mostly.

Before and after.

It was a common
theme between us.

- So you're saying-

- Yes, I'm saying
that she understood me

on a personal level, yes.

- I see.

- Don't seem like you and
Dallas did much talking.

- He's more of the
intense silent type,

but we had our moments.

Did you want to?

- Of course, we got close.

For me it would have been
a natural expression.

- Did you ever think about me
when you guys were talking.

- That's an
interesting question.

And yes, I did.

Little comparisons lit me up

like a pinball machine inside.

Like lots of our moments.

- Like?

- Like I need to celebrate
my accomplishments more

and transition doesn't put
me behind the eight ball.

It's actually a courageous
and Herculean effort

that should be applauded
every step of the way by me

and only me.

- She taught you that?

- Well, Sincere is really good

at demystifying my demons.

For this I'm indebted to her.

- So where does that leave us?

- Did you ask Dallas that?

- Yes, I did.

- And?

- I'm supposed to meet him
right after the decision.

- And you already
know what that is?

- I thought I did,
but I'm not so sure.

- So, because someone
else wants me,

now I'm more desirable?

- Still my husband.

- True indeed, but only
success can wash away my sins.

Right?

What do we do in
the meantime dear?

- We applaud your
accomplishments.

- Hold that thought.

- It's almost decision time.

Something you should know first.

- Number one, both say divorce.

Neither one gets anything.

All assets sold off.

- Money given to
charity including all

funds made from The Experiment.

- One says divorce,
one says stay together.

- The one who says divorce
will get everything.

- All assets including
all funds made

from The Experiment, are
you serious right now?

- One says divorce,
one says stay together,

the one who says divorce
will get everything,

all assets, including all funds

made from The Experiment.

- Number three, both
says stay together.

Both receive triple the
value of all assets,

including funds made
from The Experiment.

Don't tell her.

- Don't tell him.

What?

- Don't tell him.

- Don't tell him.

- What happened?

- It's time.

- Did you turn it on?

- I think it turned itself on.

- What's it going to be?

Are you staying together or not?

- Why don't you people
ever show yourselves, huh?

- We do not want to influence

the research with our presence.

We change what we observe.

- I'm not even sure
that that means.

- It means they don't want
us to know who they are.

- I must admit, this
whole experiment

has messed me up pretty good.

- To the point
where I don't even

know who I am anymore,
which is crazy strange.

- Your decision please.

And remember,
whatever you say here

cannot be unsaid.

All decisions are final.

- Very grateful for this.

- Last night we both
agreed that we should-

- Okay, there's something
that I should tell you

before you say anything else.

- You sure, like right now.

- Yeah, this can't wait.

Oh, God, um, Carson, I'm-