Monk (2002–2009): Season 8, Episode 14 - Mr. Monk and the Badge - full transcript
At long last Monk finally receives his badge - but his first case back on the force proves to be a difficult one as he attempts to tie a serial killer with police corruption.
Okay, he's here.
He's right out front.
Okay. I'm ready.
What are you
gonna say?
I don't know.
I'll just tell him.
How do you think
he's gonna take it?
I don't know. It's Monk.
It'll probably get weird.
Yeah. I'm glad
Natalie's with him.
Ah, me too. Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What's going on?
You said it
was important?
I did. Monk,
have a seat.
Why?
Just... No reason.
Just...
Monk, Friday night,
the review board
and the commissioner met in a
private session to talk about you.
About me?
I was there.
So was Dr. Bell.
And they came
to a decision.
They don't want to use you as
a private consultant anymore.
I knew it.
No, no, let me finish. You're firing me!
Nobody said that.
I don't believe it.
Is this because he mopped up the
blood stain in that jewelry store?
This isn't
about that!
So he made one mistake in
eight years, after 120 cases.
He can't make
one mistake?
Let me start over.
Hey, it's been great!
See ya.
Shame on you!
Shame on both of you!
Well, that could've
gone better.
Monk!
Hey, hey, Monk!
Monk! Monk,
you didn't let me finish.
You didn't let
him finish.
We won't be using you as a
consultant because of this.
What is it?
It's long overdue.
That's what it is.
Is this real?
This is real.
I think it's real,
Mr. Monk.
It was the Captain. He
really went to bat for...
I didn't do anything.
It was all you.
Welcome back,
Detective.
Thank you, Captain.
It's a jungle out there
Disorder and confusion
everywhere
No one seems to care
Well, I do
Hey, who's in charge here?
It's a jungle out there
Poison in the very air
we breathe
You know what's in the water
that you drink?
Well, I do
It's amazing
People think I'm crazy
'cause I worry all the time
If you paid attention,
you'd be worried, too
You better pay attention
Or this world
we love so much
might just kill you
I could be wrong now
But I don't think so
'Cause there's
a jungle out there
It's a jungle out there
Mr. Monk, you haven't
eaten your breakfast.
I'm too excited to eat.
You don't want to be hungry.
It's your first day of work.
What time is it?
Roll call's at 8:30.
Natalie, can you believe
it? I am going to roll call.
It's like I'm dreaming.
Maybe I am dreaming.
Ow! What are
you doing?
I'm pinching you
to see if I'm dreaming.
No, you're supposed
to pinch yourself.
Well, I figured you're in the
dream with me. I don't know.
Mr. Monk, you're not dreaming.
It's really happening.
It's really happening.
I'm going.
Oh, oh, oh, wait.
Don't forget your lunch.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Wait, wait,
your gun.
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, that might
come in handy.
You polished
the bullets.
Yeah, you don't want to shoot
anybody with a dirty bullet.
They might get
an infection.
God, we're funny together. We are.
I know.
Clip.
Okay.
Oh, look at you.
Detective First Class Adrian
Monk, Homicide Division.
I am proud of you.
I'm gonna miss you.
No, no, no,
don't talk like that.
This isn't
good-bye. No.
No. We're friends.
We'll talk all the time.
Right. About what?
About how we feel,
and what we're doing,
and what we
did that day.
Okay. I can do that.
Okay.
What are
you gonna do?
Oh, I'll be fine. I have a
job interview with Jim Paxton.
Paxton?
The concert promoter.
Really?
He's looking
for a new assistant.
He couldn't
do better.
Well.
Well.
I guess this is it.
Be happy, Mr. Monk.
Okay. I will.
Good morning.
Good morning,
young fella.
Hey, Monk. Welcome back.
How does it feel?
It feels great.
Morning.
Morning.
Okay, let's settle
in. Morning, everyone.
I have an announcement
to make.
This is something I've been
waiting to say for 12 years.
Adrian Monk is back.
Back
where he belongs.
Seventy years ago,
Thomas Wolfe wrote,
"You can't
go home again... "
Monk, you don't
have to say anything.
Thank God.
Okay, first item of business
is the Pickaxe Killer.
Gold Rush Killer.
No, it's not the Gold
Rush Killer, Randy.
Well, they
use pickaxes.
Randy, forget about
the Gold Rush Killer, okay?
Yes, sir.
We're moving on.
Okay, now, I don't need to tell you
folks how important this case is.
However, we have
caught a break.
We've got a witness.
A woman who lived down the
hall from victim number five
has given us
his description.
Take one, pass it back.
We've got
a rough sketch, here.
As you can see, we're
looking for a Caucasian male.
He's short. No more
than 5'4", 5'6" tall.
He's...
He's in his
late 30s, early 40s.
We believe he is
driving a...
We believe that he is
driving a station wagon.
Monk. Monk, just take one and
pass them on. They're perfect.
Just give me
a second, here.
Um, folks,
witness perfection.
Okay.
Good job.
Just pass them on.
Monk, just
give me one.
Take...
Yeah, take that one.
Thank you.
Okay, Thompson, Harris,
I want you to take this
sketch. Work the pickaxe angle.
Circulate that around every
hardware store within 20 miles.
People, we've got five victims
on the wall, which is...
Leland. Leland. ...
five victims too many.
Yes.
Where was I?
Five victims.
Right. Five victims.
By now it's
probably six.
We found it
in the basement.
I had them
bring it upstairs for you.
My old desk.
Oh!
It's still there.
I know, it's like it's
been waiting for you, right?
Yeah.
How do you feel?
I feel like I'm home.
You are home.
So, I thought I could start by reading
the profiles of the five victims.
And then I could visit
the first crime scene.
Listen, Monk, you're
not on the task force.
Here's the deal. I promised the review
board that I would ease you into it.
Ease me into...
They want you on desk duty for a
while, just to get re-acclimated.
For how long?
Just a couple of days.
Maybe a week.
Yeah. Yeah.
Then we're gonna move you
over to Danny Weaver's squad.
He's a great guy.
So, I won't be
working with you?
No.
Randy and I can't
hold your hand anymore.
That's protocol.
Sure.
It's what
you wanted, right?
Absolutely.
You'll be fine.
I figured we'd
put you on the hotline.
Maybe you'll get a lead.
Yeah.
Good.
Russell. This is Officer DiMarco.
He's gonna help you get settled in.
Hi. Wow, it is a real,
real honor to meet you, sir.
Honestly, I've been reading
about your cases for years.
I even kept a scrapbook for
a while. Remember, Captain?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
If you don't mind,
could I, maybe,
keep that as a souvenir?
Sure.
I'll let you
two boys get to it.
I got a lot of work.
I'm drowning back here.
Okay.
Okay. Desk.
So could you hold this
for me for a second?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Just one second.
Uh... I need to get rid
of this. It's not the '50s.
Wait, wait.
All you need...
What do we have here?
This is
your computer.
Yeah, four terabytes with
a fiber optic web interface.
It's for logging calls.
This is yours.
It's better than handing out
traffic tickets, right?
Why can't I just write
them in the log book?
What's a log book?
I don't...
Tip line.
Detective Monk.
Tip line.
Detective Monk.
Tip line.
Detective Monk.
Hello.
Tip line.
Hello,
is this the police?
Where are you?
Is there anybody there?
Hello.
Hello?
Yes, hello.
This is Detective Monk.
I am wearing a headset.
Are you guys looking
for the Pickaxe Killer?
'Cause I know who it is.
Please hold.
T...
I...
P, P, P, P, P...
Yes. Is the suspect
male or female?
Male. Don't put...
Please hold.
M.
What is the name
of the suspect?
His name is Brian.
Please hold.
Don't put me on hold again...
B...
Monk.
Yeah, just one minute.
I got a tip on the killer.
No, no, no, Monk, we got him.
They just picked him up.
Who?
The Pickaxe Killer.
Well, how? How?
Uh, some window washer
saw him.
Yeah, he saw the guy.
He matched the description.
He flagged down
a traffic cop.
Can you believe it? It's
case closed, just like that.
Just like that.
Great, that's...
Hey!
Good job.
That's really...
Okay.
The suspect's name
is Richard Mathis.
He was apprehended today
without incident
at his home
on Franklin Place.
The people of San
Francisco can rest easy.
The so-called
"Pickaxe Killer"
is in custody
and off the streets.
Is he the guy?
Heard it was a lock.
Found the murder weapon
in the car.
Confessed to all five.
Guess he's the guy.
Want
another ginger ale?
Oh, no, thank you,
but his glass is dirty.
There's a smudge.
I'll get you another.
Now that, gentlemen, is
what you call a real woman.
Yeah.
No doubt about it.
Mmm-hmm. You can tell. No Adam's apple.
No Adam's apple.
That's a new one.
No Adam's apple.
The mayor and I would like
to take this opportunity
to thank the real hero here,
the man of the hour,
Mikel Alvanov.
Come on, up here,
come on.
Mr. Alvanov was working
as a window washer.
He was on the sixth floor
of the Burkman Building
when he noticed
the suspect.
And I see a green
station wagon,
and it's circling
around Jefferson Square,
and it goes a couple times
and then it stops.
And a man gets out,
and something...
It don't look right.
He's nervous,
and he opens the door,
and I see the pickaxe.
So, I write down
the license number.
447 PCE.
And I give this
to police.
I'm sure that anyone
could have done this,
but I'm glad it was me.
So this guy gets
the entire reward.
500 grand.
It's like hitting
the lottery.
I wonder
if he'll quit his job.
Probably already has.
I know I would.
Me too.
Not me.
I'm never quitting.
You really like
answering those phones, huh?
I'm off the phones
as of Monday.
I'll be riding
with Louis here.
Yeah, Monk and Doyle,
the dynamic duo.
That's right.
I'd like to present you
with this key to the city.
Oh, my God.
Congratulations.
Everyone at Main Street Deli,
this is for you guys.
So, how's Natalie?
Oh, she's...
She's working
for that concert promoter.
Rock and roll.
I'm sure
she's miserable.
Mr. Paxton.
I'm sorry.
I mean Jim.
These are the new contracts.
Legal hasn't seen them yet.
Oh, fantastic, yeah.
Let me have those.
Brilliant. Thank you
very much, Teeger.
Oh, Teeger, have you heard
the new Coldplay album yet?
No.
You know, I think you should go back
to your desk, take a listen to it.
Okay. Why?
Because the people
that we're gonna be
having dinner with
tonight are probably
gonna ask you a few
questions about it.
Who are we
having dinner with?
Coldplay.
Coldplay?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
They're touring next year,
looking for a new promoter.
Aren't they
playing in Denver?
Yep. Yeah,
I think they are.
Okay, then I'll
call the airline.
Mmm-hmm.
Better yet,
let's take my plane.
Yes. Better yet,
let's do that.
Let's take your plane.
Yeah. Fantastic.
Okay, thank you.
You ready?
It's been 12 years.
It'll come back to you.
It's like sex.
Well, not sex. I mean, something you do.
Edith Capriani?
I'm Sergeant Doyle.
And I'm Detective
First Class Adrian Monk.
We received a call that
there was a reported homicide.
Yeah, he tried
to kill me.
Who tried to kill you, ma'am?
Mr. Barton.
He lives with me.
He tried to
suffocate me.
Monk, she's seen
the badge.
When did this happen?
This morning in bed.
I woke up,
and he was
covering my mouth!
And is Mr. Barton
still inside?
Yeah.
He's going crazy in there.
He acts as though he owns the
place, but it's my name on the lease.
It's my apartment!
He's a deadbeat.
Good for nothing!
Now, you go in.
I'll cover the back.
Stay here.
Don't shoot!
Oh, don't shoot him!
Don't shoot him.
Oh, Mr. Barton,
I can't stay mad at you.
It's a cat?
He thinks he's people.
Louis, it's okay.
Where are you?
It's a false alarm.
That's the Burkman Building,
isn't it?
So?
Nice shooting,
and nice grouping!
What are you doing?
Just cleaning up for you.
Leave the shells, Monk.
Leave the shells, Monk.
Safety first, right?
Monk, leave the shells.
You know what,
I'll get those later.
What the hell
are you doing here?
It's about
Mikel Alvanov.
Who?
The window washer.
You know,
the guy who got the reward.
What about him?
Well, his story
doesn't track.
Listen, he said he was
on the seventh floor
of the Burkman Building
at 2:30 looking west.
Well, I went back
up there during lunch.
You were probably
wondering where I was.
No. Yeah, well, now you know.
I was up there
at 2:30 looking west.
The sun was
directly in my eyes.
So he was
wearing sunglasses.
No, no, no, he said
he read the license plate.
I have 20l20 vision.
I couldn't read anything from
the seventh floor. Nothing.
Monk, the guy's tip
was righteous. Hmm?
The Pickaxe Killer's
in jail. He confessed.
We have
the murder weapon.
We found pieces of his
victims in his attic.
Yeah, no, no, I know.
I know the tip was good.
Well, what're
you saying?
He's lying, okay?
The window washer's lying.
That's all.
Look, I think I know
what's going on here.
You're jealous.
The big
super detective.
You can't stand the fact
we didn't need you.
No, that's not it.
Monk, look, you got what,
17 open cases on your desk?
Nineteen.
I'm giving you
an order.
Hmm?
Forget the window washer
and let it go.
Okay. You're right.
I'm letting it go.
Wait. I can't let it go!
Let it go!
Okay, there it is. It's gone.
I feel better. Thank you.
Hey, man,
you're late.
This is a little
dramatic, isn't it?
We have an agreement. We
don't be seen together, yeah?
Okay, Mikel. You want to play
secret agent? That's fine by me.
So are we gonna do this?
What are you doing?
Russell DiMarco.
Did you know him?
I met him once.
My first day back.
He was a rookie. Still
on traffic duty, poor kid.
What do you think
he was doing here?
Well, he lives nearby in Crestmont
Village, about a mile away.
He was probably
heading home.
Heading home?
It's a shortcut.
You can cut right
through the parking lot.
Then what?
I don't know.
Maybe he saw something, something
going down and he stopped.
Did he call it in?
He didn't
get a chance.
What's that?
Looks like a coupon.
$0.30 off
Hardy Chow dog food.
He didn't follow the line.
You see, the dotted line there.
Well, not everybody's you.
Thank God.
Do you have a dollar?
It's the same size.
It was a payoff.
That's what he was doing here.
Somebody was
paying DiMarco off,
or that's what
DiMarco thought.
He cut up newspaper
into dollar-sized pieces,
make it look like cash.
Why?
To distract him.
To put him off guard.
And then they shot him.
Or he had a dog, and he
just wanted to save 30 cents.
It was a payoff.
Monk, come on.
Look, the Captain's gonna
be here in a few minutes.
I want to get
this straight.
You saying
this kid is dirty?
It would explain
everything.
Why his safety is still on
and his gun is holstered.
I'm not saying
you're wrong.
You might be right.
But here's
what I am saying.
Until you're sure,
until you're 110%...
Hmm?
You're to shut your face.
Do you understand that?
You're on this side of the
blue line now, Detective Monk.
That kid is family.
So I'm gonna ask you
one more time.
Are you 110%?
No.
Then button it.
Have fun.
What, you're
not coming?
I'm right behind you,
Detective.
Hello, again.
I'm Detective First Class...
I know who you are.
What took you so long?
I've been waiting
for three hours.
He's inside my apartment.
Okay, is this about your
little friend, Mr. Barton?
No, this is different.
All right, ma'am, look. The 911
line is for emergencies only.
Real emergencies.
This is an emergency!
It's Mr. Lawrence.
He lives upstairs.
He's gone crazy.
It's Mr. Lawrence.
He came downstairs
for a visit.
He wanted some milk.
He loves milk.
Yeah, I'm sure he does.
Then all of a sudden,
he starts running around,
knocking things over,
screeching, screaming.
He tried to scratch
my eyes out!
Uh-huh. Let me guess.
He's Persian?
No. He's from Burma.
Of course he is.
What the hell have you
been feeding him?
So how's it going?
Oh, it's going great.
I love it.
How are you, Detective?
I'm doing great.
Couldn't be better.
You're back
in the saddle.
Absolutely.
Back in the saddle.
Yeah.
So what are you doing?
Oh, busy, busy, busy.
There's a big dinner tonight
at the Four Seasons.
I called this morning, and they
didn't have a table for eight.
But they just
called back and said
they could put
two smaller tables together.
Oh, that...
Sounds like a hassle.
But at least you got
a good story out of it.
Right.
Well, I have to go.
I have to proofread
some press releases.
But you take care
of yourself,
Detective First Class
Adrian Monk.
You too. Goodbye.
Bye.
How you doing?
I don't see him.
He's here somewhere.
He's separated
the fruit salad.
This way.
There you are.
What are you doing?
They don't have a dog.
Excuse me?
Newspaper clipping
in DiMarco's hand.
It was for dog food.
Right, the coupon.
So you think DiMarco
crossed the line.
Monk,
we looked into it. Tell him.
He's clean.
I mean, at least so far.
His bank account checks out.
He wasn't in debt.
No personal problems.
We'll keep digging,
Monk, I promise,
but in the meantime, you've
got to tread carefully here.
Weaver's right.
You're not freelance anymore.
If you're gonna accuse a cop of
something, it's got to be airtight.
Hey, hey.
My butt's on the line
here, too. Come on.
Passport application.
I said come on.
Mrs. DiMarco.
Mrs. DiMarco.
I'm so sorry
for your loss.
My name is
Adrian Monk.
I'm a former detective. Actually
I'm a former former detective.
Thank you for coming.
Did you work with Russell?
I only met him once
at the station.
We talked
about computers.
I do have a couple of
questions. Is this a bad time?
Is this a bad time?
Just take a second.
Were you and Russell
planning a vacation?
Yes.
To the Cayman Islands?
That's right.
Was that his idea?
To go to the Caymans?
He wanted
to surprise me.
He bought the tickets
last week.
Oh, last week?
Why the Caymans?
Did he have
a bank account there?
A bank account?
Monk, what are
you doing?
I'm just paying
my respects.
He was a great guy.
We're all
gonna miss him.
Yeah.
Did he ever say anything to
you about offshore accounts?
Hiding money?
What are you saying?
Are you accusing
Russell of something?
Oh, God!
Hey, Captain,
you better get him
the hell out of here
before we have to.
Come on, I want
to show you something.
What is it?
It's outside.
What is it?
It's you not
getting beat up.
Oh, I'd like
to see that.
I have to say I've been looking
forward to this all week.
I've been thinking
about you.
So, how does it feel?
Good. I feel great.
Yeah, well, it's not a gift,
you know, you earned it.
Mmm-hmm.
So...
Are you happy?
I'm very happy.
Why wouldn't I be?
This is what I've wanted
for years, you know?
All right.
Why do you ask that?
I mean, you don't
think I'm happy?
Oh, I didn't say that. No.
I wasn't implying. No.
I'm not happy.
Are you happy?
Nobody wants
to work with me.
I can't choose
my own cases.
The crazy cat lady
keeps calling,
although it's not
always a cat.
It's my dream job.
And it's making me
miserable.
I was afraid of this.
You know, it's not
an uncommon reaction.
People achieve a goal,
something they've always wanted,
it's not always
what they expect.
We call it
"aspirational regret. "
See, when I was a kid,
I wanted to go
to a baseball camp.
That was my dream.
Baseball camp...
Excuse me, could I
stop you right there?
Sure.
You have
something to say?
No.
"When the gods
wish to punish us,
"they answer our prayers. "
Oscar Wilde said that.
I can't believe
I was happy before.
Why didn't you
tell me I was happy?
Adrian,
you can always quit.
I can't quit.
Everybody
will understand.
You've changed,
the department has changed.
You've been your own boss
for 12 years.
It's hard to go back.
I can't quit.
Ah, Sam.
Oh, evening, Detective.
What's in the box?
Officer DiMarco's stuff.
I cleaned out his locker.
His wife's picking it up
in the morning.
It breaks your heart.
23, 24...
26.
So, I write down
the license number.
447 PCE.
Mr. Alvanov.
Hello.
My name is Adrian Monk.
Hey, I can't
help you, my friend.
I promise my accountant.
I can't loan anybody
another nickel.
Sir, I'm not here
to borrow money.
I'm with the police department.
This'll just take a minute.
Oh, police.
Oh. My friends.
That's right.
Hey, listen,
I'm running a little late.
Can you
join me upstairs? Huh?
Upstairs? No.
No, thank you.
I'm waiting
for my partner.
He's supposed to
meet me here.
I'm surprised
you didn't quit your job
when you collected
all that reward money.
Oh, I did.
I give two weeks' notice.
Time for somebody to wash
my windows for a change, huh?
Okay, so,
this is about what?
All right.
Fact is, Manny, I'm here
to arrest you for murder.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
And who did I kill?
Russell DiMarco.
The police officer who
was shot last week.
Russell...
Are you gonna pretend
you didn't know him?
You were on
the same softball team.
I was at his house last week,
and I saw his team jacket.
Everyone at Main Street Deli,
this is for you guys.
Russell! Yeah, yeah.
I knew him.
But this proves what?
Yeah. Right.
Okay, I'll tell you later.
I'm not gonna repeat myself.
All right? Let's just
wait for my partner.
Oh, your partner
doesn't know about this?
Not yet, no.
This is 415 Vinton?
You haven't
told anyone about this,
have you?
Oh, is that him? There?
Where?
Hey, it's 9:30. Aren't you
meeting Monk somewhere?
Oh, don't remind me.
Another crackpot theory.
Looking for this?
Hey, why don't
you just jump?
Three floors,
you'd only break your leg.
No!
No!
Fourth floor,
broken back.
Oops. Too late.
Now, you're dead.
How did you know?
I saw DiMarco's
ticket book.
You didn't
spot that serial killer.
DiMarco did.
He solved the case.
He spotted
the killer's car and realized
he had just found the most
wanted man in California.
But DiMarco
didn't care about fame.
He was after the fortune.
The reward money.
He had a problem, he
worked for the police force,
which meant that he wasn't
eligible to collect the reward.
He needed a partner.
A front man.
That's where you came in.
And he told you
who the killer was,
and all you had to do
was come up with a story
and collect the money.
But you wanted the whole
reward, all to yourself.
Well, not that it matters
much, but you're right.
I think this'll do.
You know, I don't know why you
insist to come up with me today.
Accidents are
pretty common up here.
It's very dangerous work.
Especially
in such a high wind.
What are you doing?
I'm murdering you,
my friend!
Upsy daisy.
You make me
work for this, huh?
Yeah.
Okay. Ha!
Thanks for dropping by, huh?
Step back.
You okay?
He tried to kill me.
Yeah, we know.
We were watching.
And he killed DiMarco.
They were partners.
They were planning
to split the reward money,
but Mikel
got greedy.
Nice work,
Detective.
Former detective.
Former former detective.
Former former
former detective.
Are you turning in
your badge?
He has it.
Dispatch.
Yeah, get a...
Bring me rescue services.
Sign here and here.
This blood?
Sorry it didn't
work out.
I'm not.
At least now I know
I'm not the man I was.
Who is?
So what are
you gonna do?
I haven't decided.
I'll either go home and brood
or go home and sulk.
I'm leaning toward brooding.
Well, when you leave,
use the west entrance.
Why?
Surprise.
What is it?
It's a surprise.
Well, what is it?
Well, if we told you, it wouldn't
be a surprise now, would it?
No, I guess it wouldn't.
What is it?
What is it?
Natalie.
Heard you might be
looking for an assistant.
What about your job
with the big promoter?
Oh, Jim Paxton can make
his own dinner reservations.
He doesn't need me.
I'm needed here.
I pay $900 a week.
I am not taking
a pay cut, Mr. Monk!
Then you
shouldn't have quit.
I didn't quit,
you let me go!
Oh, God,
you make me mad!
What are you
looking for?
The Captain said
there'd be a surprise.
I'm the surprise! I talked
to the Captain this morning.
Oh, good. What, you're disappointed?
No, I said,
"Oh, good. "
Well, you sound disappointed.
What were you expecting?
I thought it might be
Joey Heatherton.
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
He's right out front.
Okay. I'm ready.
What are you
gonna say?
I don't know.
I'll just tell him.
How do you think
he's gonna take it?
I don't know. It's Monk.
It'll probably get weird.
Yeah. I'm glad
Natalie's with him.
Ah, me too. Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What's going on?
You said it
was important?
I did. Monk,
have a seat.
Why?
Just... No reason.
Just...
Monk, Friday night,
the review board
and the commissioner met in a
private session to talk about you.
About me?
I was there.
So was Dr. Bell.
And they came
to a decision.
They don't want to use you as
a private consultant anymore.
I knew it.
No, no, let me finish. You're firing me!
Nobody said that.
I don't believe it.
Is this because he mopped up the
blood stain in that jewelry store?
This isn't
about that!
So he made one mistake in
eight years, after 120 cases.
He can't make
one mistake?
Let me start over.
Hey, it's been great!
See ya.
Shame on you!
Shame on both of you!
Well, that could've
gone better.
Monk!
Hey, hey, Monk!
Monk! Monk,
you didn't let me finish.
You didn't let
him finish.
We won't be using you as a
consultant because of this.
What is it?
It's long overdue.
That's what it is.
Is this real?
This is real.
I think it's real,
Mr. Monk.
It was the Captain. He
really went to bat for...
I didn't do anything.
It was all you.
Welcome back,
Detective.
Thank you, Captain.
It's a jungle out there
Disorder and confusion
everywhere
No one seems to care
Well, I do
Hey, who's in charge here?
It's a jungle out there
Poison in the very air
we breathe
You know what's in the water
that you drink?
Well, I do
It's amazing
People think I'm crazy
'cause I worry all the time
If you paid attention,
you'd be worried, too
You better pay attention
Or this world
we love so much
might just kill you
I could be wrong now
But I don't think so
'Cause there's
a jungle out there
It's a jungle out there
Mr. Monk, you haven't
eaten your breakfast.
I'm too excited to eat.
You don't want to be hungry.
It's your first day of work.
What time is it?
Roll call's at 8:30.
Natalie, can you believe
it? I am going to roll call.
It's like I'm dreaming.
Maybe I am dreaming.
Ow! What are
you doing?
I'm pinching you
to see if I'm dreaming.
No, you're supposed
to pinch yourself.
Well, I figured you're in the
dream with me. I don't know.
Mr. Monk, you're not dreaming.
It's really happening.
It's really happening.
I'm going.
Oh, oh, oh, wait.
Don't forget your lunch.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Wait, wait,
your gun.
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, that might
come in handy.
You polished
the bullets.
Yeah, you don't want to shoot
anybody with a dirty bullet.
They might get
an infection.
God, we're funny together. We are.
I know.
Clip.
Okay.
Oh, look at you.
Detective First Class Adrian
Monk, Homicide Division.
I am proud of you.
I'm gonna miss you.
No, no, no,
don't talk like that.
This isn't
good-bye. No.
No. We're friends.
We'll talk all the time.
Right. About what?
About how we feel,
and what we're doing,
and what we
did that day.
Okay. I can do that.
Okay.
What are
you gonna do?
Oh, I'll be fine. I have a
job interview with Jim Paxton.
Paxton?
The concert promoter.
Really?
He's looking
for a new assistant.
He couldn't
do better.
Well.
Well.
I guess this is it.
Be happy, Mr. Monk.
Okay. I will.
Good morning.
Good morning,
young fella.
Hey, Monk. Welcome back.
How does it feel?
It feels great.
Morning.
Morning.
Okay, let's settle
in. Morning, everyone.
I have an announcement
to make.
This is something I've been
waiting to say for 12 years.
Adrian Monk is back.
Back
where he belongs.
Seventy years ago,
Thomas Wolfe wrote,
"You can't
go home again... "
Monk, you don't
have to say anything.
Thank God.
Okay, first item of business
is the Pickaxe Killer.
Gold Rush Killer.
No, it's not the Gold
Rush Killer, Randy.
Well, they
use pickaxes.
Randy, forget about
the Gold Rush Killer, okay?
Yes, sir.
We're moving on.
Okay, now, I don't need to tell you
folks how important this case is.
However, we have
caught a break.
We've got a witness.
A woman who lived down the
hall from victim number five
has given us
his description.
Take one, pass it back.
We've got
a rough sketch, here.
As you can see, we're
looking for a Caucasian male.
He's short. No more
than 5'4", 5'6" tall.
He's...
He's in his
late 30s, early 40s.
We believe he is
driving a...
We believe that he is
driving a station wagon.
Monk. Monk, just take one and
pass them on. They're perfect.
Just give me
a second, here.
Um, folks,
witness perfection.
Okay.
Good job.
Just pass them on.
Monk, just
give me one.
Take...
Yeah, take that one.
Thank you.
Okay, Thompson, Harris,
I want you to take this
sketch. Work the pickaxe angle.
Circulate that around every
hardware store within 20 miles.
People, we've got five victims
on the wall, which is...
Leland. Leland. ...
five victims too many.
Yes.
Where was I?
Five victims.
Right. Five victims.
By now it's
probably six.
We found it
in the basement.
I had them
bring it upstairs for you.
My old desk.
Oh!
It's still there.
I know, it's like it's
been waiting for you, right?
Yeah.
How do you feel?
I feel like I'm home.
You are home.
So, I thought I could start by reading
the profiles of the five victims.
And then I could visit
the first crime scene.
Listen, Monk, you're
not on the task force.
Here's the deal. I promised the review
board that I would ease you into it.
Ease me into...
They want you on desk duty for a
while, just to get re-acclimated.
For how long?
Just a couple of days.
Maybe a week.
Yeah. Yeah.
Then we're gonna move you
over to Danny Weaver's squad.
He's a great guy.
So, I won't be
working with you?
No.
Randy and I can't
hold your hand anymore.
That's protocol.
Sure.
It's what
you wanted, right?
Absolutely.
You'll be fine.
I figured we'd
put you on the hotline.
Maybe you'll get a lead.
Yeah.
Good.
Russell. This is Officer DiMarco.
He's gonna help you get settled in.
Hi. Wow, it is a real,
real honor to meet you, sir.
Honestly, I've been reading
about your cases for years.
I even kept a scrapbook for
a while. Remember, Captain?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
If you don't mind,
could I, maybe,
keep that as a souvenir?
Sure.
I'll let you
two boys get to it.
I got a lot of work.
I'm drowning back here.
Okay.
Okay. Desk.
So could you hold this
for me for a second?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Just one second.
Uh... I need to get rid
of this. It's not the '50s.
Wait, wait.
All you need...
What do we have here?
This is
your computer.
Yeah, four terabytes with
a fiber optic web interface.
It's for logging calls.
This is yours.
It's better than handing out
traffic tickets, right?
Why can't I just write
them in the log book?
What's a log book?
I don't...
Tip line.
Detective Monk.
Tip line.
Detective Monk.
Tip line.
Detective Monk.
Hello.
Tip line.
Hello,
is this the police?
Where are you?
Is there anybody there?
Hello.
Hello?
Yes, hello.
This is Detective Monk.
I am wearing a headset.
Are you guys looking
for the Pickaxe Killer?
'Cause I know who it is.
Please hold.
T...
I...
P, P, P, P, P...
Yes. Is the suspect
male or female?
Male. Don't put...
Please hold.
M.
What is the name
of the suspect?
His name is Brian.
Please hold.
Don't put me on hold again...
B...
Monk.
Yeah, just one minute.
I got a tip on the killer.
No, no, no, Monk, we got him.
They just picked him up.
Who?
The Pickaxe Killer.
Well, how? How?
Uh, some window washer
saw him.
Yeah, he saw the guy.
He matched the description.
He flagged down
a traffic cop.
Can you believe it? It's
case closed, just like that.
Just like that.
Great, that's...
Hey!
Good job.
That's really...
Okay.
The suspect's name
is Richard Mathis.
He was apprehended today
without incident
at his home
on Franklin Place.
The people of San
Francisco can rest easy.
The so-called
"Pickaxe Killer"
is in custody
and off the streets.
Is he the guy?
Heard it was a lock.
Found the murder weapon
in the car.
Confessed to all five.
Guess he's the guy.
Want
another ginger ale?
Oh, no, thank you,
but his glass is dirty.
There's a smudge.
I'll get you another.
Now that, gentlemen, is
what you call a real woman.
Yeah.
No doubt about it.
Mmm-hmm. You can tell. No Adam's apple.
No Adam's apple.
That's a new one.
No Adam's apple.
The mayor and I would like
to take this opportunity
to thank the real hero here,
the man of the hour,
Mikel Alvanov.
Come on, up here,
come on.
Mr. Alvanov was working
as a window washer.
He was on the sixth floor
of the Burkman Building
when he noticed
the suspect.
And I see a green
station wagon,
and it's circling
around Jefferson Square,
and it goes a couple times
and then it stops.
And a man gets out,
and something...
It don't look right.
He's nervous,
and he opens the door,
and I see the pickaxe.
So, I write down
the license number.
447 PCE.
And I give this
to police.
I'm sure that anyone
could have done this,
but I'm glad it was me.
So this guy gets
the entire reward.
500 grand.
It's like hitting
the lottery.
I wonder
if he'll quit his job.
Probably already has.
I know I would.
Me too.
Not me.
I'm never quitting.
You really like
answering those phones, huh?
I'm off the phones
as of Monday.
I'll be riding
with Louis here.
Yeah, Monk and Doyle,
the dynamic duo.
That's right.
I'd like to present you
with this key to the city.
Oh, my God.
Congratulations.
Everyone at Main Street Deli,
this is for you guys.
So, how's Natalie?
Oh, she's...
She's working
for that concert promoter.
Rock and roll.
I'm sure
she's miserable.
Mr. Paxton.
I'm sorry.
I mean Jim.
These are the new contracts.
Legal hasn't seen them yet.
Oh, fantastic, yeah.
Let me have those.
Brilliant. Thank you
very much, Teeger.
Oh, Teeger, have you heard
the new Coldplay album yet?
No.
You know, I think you should go back
to your desk, take a listen to it.
Okay. Why?
Because the people
that we're gonna be
having dinner with
tonight are probably
gonna ask you a few
questions about it.
Who are we
having dinner with?
Coldplay.
Coldplay?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
They're touring next year,
looking for a new promoter.
Aren't they
playing in Denver?
Yep. Yeah,
I think they are.
Okay, then I'll
call the airline.
Mmm-hmm.
Better yet,
let's take my plane.
Yes. Better yet,
let's do that.
Let's take your plane.
Yeah. Fantastic.
Okay, thank you.
You ready?
It's been 12 years.
It'll come back to you.
It's like sex.
Well, not sex. I mean, something you do.
Edith Capriani?
I'm Sergeant Doyle.
And I'm Detective
First Class Adrian Monk.
We received a call that
there was a reported homicide.
Yeah, he tried
to kill me.
Who tried to kill you, ma'am?
Mr. Barton.
He lives with me.
He tried to
suffocate me.
Monk, she's seen
the badge.
When did this happen?
This morning in bed.
I woke up,
and he was
covering my mouth!
And is Mr. Barton
still inside?
Yeah.
He's going crazy in there.
He acts as though he owns the
place, but it's my name on the lease.
It's my apartment!
He's a deadbeat.
Good for nothing!
Now, you go in.
I'll cover the back.
Stay here.
Don't shoot!
Oh, don't shoot him!
Don't shoot him.
Oh, Mr. Barton,
I can't stay mad at you.
It's a cat?
He thinks he's people.
Louis, it's okay.
Where are you?
It's a false alarm.
That's the Burkman Building,
isn't it?
So?
Nice shooting,
and nice grouping!
What are you doing?
Just cleaning up for you.
Leave the shells, Monk.
Leave the shells, Monk.
Safety first, right?
Monk, leave the shells.
You know what,
I'll get those later.
What the hell
are you doing here?
It's about
Mikel Alvanov.
Who?
The window washer.
You know,
the guy who got the reward.
What about him?
Well, his story
doesn't track.
Listen, he said he was
on the seventh floor
of the Burkman Building
at 2:30 looking west.
Well, I went back
up there during lunch.
You were probably
wondering where I was.
No. Yeah, well, now you know.
I was up there
at 2:30 looking west.
The sun was
directly in my eyes.
So he was
wearing sunglasses.
No, no, no, he said
he read the license plate.
I have 20l20 vision.
I couldn't read anything from
the seventh floor. Nothing.
Monk, the guy's tip
was righteous. Hmm?
The Pickaxe Killer's
in jail. He confessed.
We have
the murder weapon.
We found pieces of his
victims in his attic.
Yeah, no, no, I know.
I know the tip was good.
Well, what're
you saying?
He's lying, okay?
The window washer's lying.
That's all.
Look, I think I know
what's going on here.
You're jealous.
The big
super detective.
You can't stand the fact
we didn't need you.
No, that's not it.
Monk, look, you got what,
17 open cases on your desk?
Nineteen.
I'm giving you
an order.
Hmm?
Forget the window washer
and let it go.
Okay. You're right.
I'm letting it go.
Wait. I can't let it go!
Let it go!
Okay, there it is. It's gone.
I feel better. Thank you.
Hey, man,
you're late.
This is a little
dramatic, isn't it?
We have an agreement. We
don't be seen together, yeah?
Okay, Mikel. You want to play
secret agent? That's fine by me.
So are we gonna do this?
What are you doing?
Russell DiMarco.
Did you know him?
I met him once.
My first day back.
He was a rookie. Still
on traffic duty, poor kid.
What do you think
he was doing here?
Well, he lives nearby in Crestmont
Village, about a mile away.
He was probably
heading home.
Heading home?
It's a shortcut.
You can cut right
through the parking lot.
Then what?
I don't know.
Maybe he saw something, something
going down and he stopped.
Did he call it in?
He didn't
get a chance.
What's that?
Looks like a coupon.
$0.30 off
Hardy Chow dog food.
He didn't follow the line.
You see, the dotted line there.
Well, not everybody's you.
Thank God.
Do you have a dollar?
It's the same size.
It was a payoff.
That's what he was doing here.
Somebody was
paying DiMarco off,
or that's what
DiMarco thought.
He cut up newspaper
into dollar-sized pieces,
make it look like cash.
Why?
To distract him.
To put him off guard.
And then they shot him.
Or he had a dog, and he
just wanted to save 30 cents.
It was a payoff.
Monk, come on.
Look, the Captain's gonna
be here in a few minutes.
I want to get
this straight.
You saying
this kid is dirty?
It would explain
everything.
Why his safety is still on
and his gun is holstered.
I'm not saying
you're wrong.
You might be right.
But here's
what I am saying.
Until you're sure,
until you're 110%...
Hmm?
You're to shut your face.
Do you understand that?
You're on this side of the
blue line now, Detective Monk.
That kid is family.
So I'm gonna ask you
one more time.
Are you 110%?
No.
Then button it.
Have fun.
What, you're
not coming?
I'm right behind you,
Detective.
Hello, again.
I'm Detective First Class...
I know who you are.
What took you so long?
I've been waiting
for three hours.
He's inside my apartment.
Okay, is this about your
little friend, Mr. Barton?
No, this is different.
All right, ma'am, look. The 911
line is for emergencies only.
Real emergencies.
This is an emergency!
It's Mr. Lawrence.
He lives upstairs.
He's gone crazy.
It's Mr. Lawrence.
He came downstairs
for a visit.
He wanted some milk.
He loves milk.
Yeah, I'm sure he does.
Then all of a sudden,
he starts running around,
knocking things over,
screeching, screaming.
He tried to scratch
my eyes out!
Uh-huh. Let me guess.
He's Persian?
No. He's from Burma.
Of course he is.
What the hell have you
been feeding him?
So how's it going?
Oh, it's going great.
I love it.
How are you, Detective?
I'm doing great.
Couldn't be better.
You're back
in the saddle.
Absolutely.
Back in the saddle.
Yeah.
So what are you doing?
Oh, busy, busy, busy.
There's a big dinner tonight
at the Four Seasons.
I called this morning, and they
didn't have a table for eight.
But they just
called back and said
they could put
two smaller tables together.
Oh, that...
Sounds like a hassle.
But at least you got
a good story out of it.
Right.
Well, I have to go.
I have to proofread
some press releases.
But you take care
of yourself,
Detective First Class
Adrian Monk.
You too. Goodbye.
Bye.
How you doing?
I don't see him.
He's here somewhere.
He's separated
the fruit salad.
This way.
There you are.
What are you doing?
They don't have a dog.
Excuse me?
Newspaper clipping
in DiMarco's hand.
It was for dog food.
Right, the coupon.
So you think DiMarco
crossed the line.
Monk,
we looked into it. Tell him.
He's clean.
I mean, at least so far.
His bank account checks out.
He wasn't in debt.
No personal problems.
We'll keep digging,
Monk, I promise,
but in the meantime, you've
got to tread carefully here.
Weaver's right.
You're not freelance anymore.
If you're gonna accuse a cop of
something, it's got to be airtight.
Hey, hey.
My butt's on the line
here, too. Come on.
Passport application.
I said come on.
Mrs. DiMarco.
Mrs. DiMarco.
I'm so sorry
for your loss.
My name is
Adrian Monk.
I'm a former detective. Actually
I'm a former former detective.
Thank you for coming.
Did you work with Russell?
I only met him once
at the station.
We talked
about computers.
I do have a couple of
questions. Is this a bad time?
Is this a bad time?
Just take a second.
Were you and Russell
planning a vacation?
Yes.
To the Cayman Islands?
That's right.
Was that his idea?
To go to the Caymans?
He wanted
to surprise me.
He bought the tickets
last week.
Oh, last week?
Why the Caymans?
Did he have
a bank account there?
A bank account?
Monk, what are
you doing?
I'm just paying
my respects.
He was a great guy.
We're all
gonna miss him.
Yeah.
Did he ever say anything to
you about offshore accounts?
Hiding money?
What are you saying?
Are you accusing
Russell of something?
Oh, God!
Hey, Captain,
you better get him
the hell out of here
before we have to.
Come on, I want
to show you something.
What is it?
It's outside.
What is it?
It's you not
getting beat up.
Oh, I'd like
to see that.
I have to say I've been looking
forward to this all week.
I've been thinking
about you.
So, how does it feel?
Good. I feel great.
Yeah, well, it's not a gift,
you know, you earned it.
Mmm-hmm.
So...
Are you happy?
I'm very happy.
Why wouldn't I be?
This is what I've wanted
for years, you know?
All right.
Why do you ask that?
I mean, you don't
think I'm happy?
Oh, I didn't say that. No.
I wasn't implying. No.
I'm not happy.
Are you happy?
Nobody wants
to work with me.
I can't choose
my own cases.
The crazy cat lady
keeps calling,
although it's not
always a cat.
It's my dream job.
And it's making me
miserable.
I was afraid of this.
You know, it's not
an uncommon reaction.
People achieve a goal,
something they've always wanted,
it's not always
what they expect.
We call it
"aspirational regret. "
See, when I was a kid,
I wanted to go
to a baseball camp.
That was my dream.
Baseball camp...
Excuse me, could I
stop you right there?
Sure.
You have
something to say?
No.
"When the gods
wish to punish us,
"they answer our prayers. "
Oscar Wilde said that.
I can't believe
I was happy before.
Why didn't you
tell me I was happy?
Adrian,
you can always quit.
I can't quit.
Everybody
will understand.
You've changed,
the department has changed.
You've been your own boss
for 12 years.
It's hard to go back.
I can't quit.
Ah, Sam.
Oh, evening, Detective.
What's in the box?
Officer DiMarco's stuff.
I cleaned out his locker.
His wife's picking it up
in the morning.
It breaks your heart.
23, 24...
26.
So, I write down
the license number.
447 PCE.
Mr. Alvanov.
Hello.
My name is Adrian Monk.
Hey, I can't
help you, my friend.
I promise my accountant.
I can't loan anybody
another nickel.
Sir, I'm not here
to borrow money.
I'm with the police department.
This'll just take a minute.
Oh, police.
Oh. My friends.
That's right.
Hey, listen,
I'm running a little late.
Can you
join me upstairs? Huh?
Upstairs? No.
No, thank you.
I'm waiting
for my partner.
He's supposed to
meet me here.
I'm surprised
you didn't quit your job
when you collected
all that reward money.
Oh, I did.
I give two weeks' notice.
Time for somebody to wash
my windows for a change, huh?
Okay, so,
this is about what?
All right.
Fact is, Manny, I'm here
to arrest you for murder.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
And who did I kill?
Russell DiMarco.
The police officer who
was shot last week.
Russell...
Are you gonna pretend
you didn't know him?
You were on
the same softball team.
I was at his house last week,
and I saw his team jacket.
Everyone at Main Street Deli,
this is for you guys.
Russell! Yeah, yeah.
I knew him.
But this proves what?
Yeah. Right.
Okay, I'll tell you later.
I'm not gonna repeat myself.
All right? Let's just
wait for my partner.
Oh, your partner
doesn't know about this?
Not yet, no.
This is 415 Vinton?
You haven't
told anyone about this,
have you?
Oh, is that him? There?
Where?
Hey, it's 9:30. Aren't you
meeting Monk somewhere?
Oh, don't remind me.
Another crackpot theory.
Looking for this?
Hey, why don't
you just jump?
Three floors,
you'd only break your leg.
No!
No!
Fourth floor,
broken back.
Oops. Too late.
Now, you're dead.
How did you know?
I saw DiMarco's
ticket book.
You didn't
spot that serial killer.
DiMarco did.
He solved the case.
He spotted
the killer's car and realized
he had just found the most
wanted man in California.
But DiMarco
didn't care about fame.
He was after the fortune.
The reward money.
He had a problem, he
worked for the police force,
which meant that he wasn't
eligible to collect the reward.
He needed a partner.
A front man.
That's where you came in.
And he told you
who the killer was,
and all you had to do
was come up with a story
and collect the money.
But you wanted the whole
reward, all to yourself.
Well, not that it matters
much, but you're right.
I think this'll do.
You know, I don't know why you
insist to come up with me today.
Accidents are
pretty common up here.
It's very dangerous work.
Especially
in such a high wind.
What are you doing?
I'm murdering you,
my friend!
Upsy daisy.
You make me
work for this, huh?
Yeah.
Okay. Ha!
Thanks for dropping by, huh?
Step back.
You okay?
He tried to kill me.
Yeah, we know.
We were watching.
And he killed DiMarco.
They were partners.
They were planning
to split the reward money,
but Mikel
got greedy.
Nice work,
Detective.
Former detective.
Former former detective.
Former former
former detective.
Are you turning in
your badge?
He has it.
Dispatch.
Yeah, get a...
Bring me rescue services.
Sign here and here.
This blood?
Sorry it didn't
work out.
I'm not.
At least now I know
I'm not the man I was.
Who is?
So what are
you gonna do?
I haven't decided.
I'll either go home and brood
or go home and sulk.
I'm leaning toward brooding.
Well, when you leave,
use the west entrance.
Why?
Surprise.
What is it?
It's a surprise.
Well, what is it?
Well, if we told you, it wouldn't
be a surprise now, would it?
No, I guess it wouldn't.
What is it?
What is it?
Natalie.
Heard you might be
looking for an assistant.
What about your job
with the big promoter?
Oh, Jim Paxton can make
his own dinner reservations.
He doesn't need me.
I'm needed here.
I pay $900 a week.
I am not taking
a pay cut, Mr. Monk!
Then you
shouldn't have quit.
I didn't quit,
you let me go!
Oh, God,
you make me mad!
What are you
looking for?
The Captain said
there'd be a surprise.
I'm the surprise! I talked
to the Captain this morning.
Oh, good. What, you're disappointed?
No, I said,
"Oh, good. "
Well, you sound disappointed.
What were you expecting?
I thought it might be
Joey Heatherton.
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