Miracle Workers (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - End Times - full transcript

In the beginning,
there was The Boom.

Mankind used its
science against itself,

reducing the glittering towers
of glass and steel to dust.

My name is Sid.

I was born into a
world with no past.

No future.

Wandering the endless Wasteland.

Alone.

Hey, guys! Over
here! Over here...

Let's go!

Must I do everything myself?



Puny desert trash.

No one escapes the
wrath of Freya Exaltada!

- You're a tough little cockroach.
- And you're a psychotic bitch.

I did not see that coming.

Cute.

Mazel tov!

Are you sure about this? I
don't like the look of it.

Oh, come on. What's so scary
about moving to the suburbs?

Shall we?

MIRACLE WORKERS

END TIMES

Freya, have you seen my
tie? I'm late for work.

I've never had a 9:00
to 5:00 job before.

Hey, we moved to Boomtown
to share a life together.



I was on the road all the
time with my warlording,

and you wanted to move out
of that cramped boulder

you were hiding
under like a crab.

Which means one of us needs
to start making shmoney.

- Just give it a shot, okay?
- Okay. I'll try.

There's my brave road warrior.

Scraps! Breakfast is ready!

Kibble again? How
frickin' lucky am I?

Not so fast.

Sit.

Sit.

Who's a good war dog?

Who's willing to lay down
his life in combat for Mommy?

I am, I am.

Alright, I'm gonna get going. I don't
want to be late for my first day at work.

Are you gonna be alright here?

Yeah. I can warlord
from anywhere.

I'm gonna have these people
renouncing their old gods by lunch.

I'm sure you will. No
slaughtering women and children.

- I'll try. Love you.
- Love you more.

- Alright. See you later.
- Bye!

I ate that way too fast.

- I'm gonna go take a nap.
- Okay.

Excuse me. I'm looking
for "The Junkman."

Well, go wait in line with the
rest of the filthy animals.

- No offense.
- My name's Sid.

I'm your new employee.

You're the new wasteland hire.

Morris "The Junkman" Rubinstein at
your service. Be right with you.

Alright. So, your carburetor
comes to 75 bird beaks.

That's outrageous!

Hey, if you think you can find a
better deal elsewhere, go for it.

I think the next nearest
outpost of human civilization

is about a thousand
miles from here.

I would've given it to him for 50
bird beaks, the big stinkin' lug.

No offense.

Closed for lunch.

I like to hire one of you
underprivileged Wastelanders every year.

Part of my way of giving
back to the community.

Plus, I get a huge tax break.

So, tell me, Sid, how much do
you know about the junk game?

Isn't it just buying and
selling a bunch of trash?

It's not trash. It's junk.

And I'll have you know, I've
built an empire out of this stuff,

ever since I received
my first rusty trombone.

There it is.

Yes, quite rusty.

Alright, we'll start you off
as a junior junk associate

and see if you're
worth anything.

- Any questions?
- Yeah, just where do I sit?

Any small hole will do,

preferably without a
mutated beast living in it,

but I can obviously
make that work, too.

You don't have to sit in
a hole. You get a desk.

I get that whole desk to myself?

The chair, too?

Snacks are in the kitchenette,

and if you need anything else,
just ask the office manager.

- Sound good?
- Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.

This is my chair.

Citizens of Boomtown,
it is I, Freya Exaltada,

Commander of the Seventh Legion,
Slayer of the Dread Rat King,

and High Priestess
of Old Cincinnati.

I command you to bend
the knee or face my axe.

Citizens? Hello?

Is this thing on?

Hey, this is your future
overlord you're ignoring.

You're being very rude.

Freya Exaltada. I have been
programmed to eliminate you...

for being a messy bitch.

It was a joke. It's funny how
I thought I was gonna die.

Scraps, you remember
my best friend, TI-90.

- Call me Tai.
- What are you doing in Boomtown?

I had to stop by the genius
bar to get my hardware cleaned.

I hooked up with the
hottest killbot last night,

but I woke up with
all these pop-ups.

- I really hope I don't have a virus.
- Oh, my God. You are such a ho.

I know. I really am.

More importantly, what
are you doing here?

- Sid and I live here now.
- You do?

Like some sort of
ironic performance art?

No. Like, as my actual
life. Why? What's wrong?

- Oh, girl, we need to talk. Like, now.
- Sure.

- Scraps, why don't you take over?
- Yeah, got it.

Citizens of Boomtown, give me
treats. I've been a good boy.

Alright, newbies,

you better pay attention if you want
to be half as successful as me one day.

Good one, boss. As if.

Hey, Junkman!

That carburetor you
sold me was busted.

Well, you should've
read the fine print.

It says, "Tough luck, sucker."

You will pay for this in blood!

Say, that was some
pretty quick thinking.

What do you say you and the missus
come over for dinner tonight?

I'd like to discuss your
future at this company.

My future?

Yeah, I would like that very much,
Mr. Rubinstein. Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein.

Freya, exactly how much do
you know about Boomtown?

Not much. I mean, I've burned places
like it to the ground, if that counts.

No, these people
aren't like you and me.

They don't care about
having fun or being cool.

They've basically
given up on life.

Because the world is an
uninhabitable hellscape?

No. Because they've settled down. All
they do is go to their boring jobs

and then go back home to
their boring families.

They're like robots, and I'm allowed
to say that because I am a robot.

Oh, God.

I think we made a horrible
mistake moving here.

Freya! There you are.

- We need to talk.
- Oh, Sid. Thank God.

Look, I know I asked you to
give Boomtown a shot, and...

Yeah, I know, and I
am so glad you did.

- You are?
- Yeah. I love it here.

I hope I make a good impression
on Mr. Rubinstein tonight.

I've never been to a
fancy dinner party before.

What do you think?

Found it on the corpse of
an old train conductor.

- Too try-hard?
- I don't understand.

I thought being a road
warrior was your whole thing.

I don't know. Maybe
this is my thing.

You know, back in the Wasteland, I
was always so hot and covered in sand.

Looking back, I think I might have
been, like, low-key depressed.

I don't know. This...

This feels like somewhere
I could be really happy,

and I have you to
thank for that.

I'm so glad to hear that.

I guess I should
probably go change.

Greetings. Welcome
to Chez Morris.

Good evening, Mr. Rubinstein.
This is my wife, Freya.

Yes. Tis I. The wife.

Morris Rubinstein.
Literal garbage person.

Please, come in.

This is your house?

Yes, it's an authentic
McMansion from the 2020s.

We kept the original laminate floors,
the chairs that only spin halfway,

and after dinner, we can
retire to le ball pit.

- Pretty swanky, huh?
- Yeah, this place is incredible.

Honey, the guests are here!

How lovely to meet
you. I'm Holly.

She's a ghost! Kill it!

Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I forgot
to explain. Holly is a hologram.

I bought her after my second
marriage hit the skids.

Holly is my queen. She's
the light of my life.

- And I love you, darling.
- Damn it!

- I was right in the middle of talking!
- Silly me.

Always forgetting my place.
I'll get dinner ready.

Yeah. Why don't you do that?

Ain't she a doll?

I made Morris's
favorite, fried rat.

What can I say? I'm a foodie.

I have never tried real rat
before. Thank you so much.

What are you doing?
That's a cockroach fork.

That's a rat fork.

No, no, no. Of
course. I was joking.

Can you imagine if I didn't
know which fork to use?

Like some feral beast.
So pathetic and stupid.

So, Holly, you're a
hologram. That's cool.

Oh, yes.

I love doing menial chores

all day and still finding time to
satisfy Morris's every want and need.

- Soon enough, that'll be you.
- No!

Sorry. Just girl talk.

Darling, maybe I should go
home and check on Scraps.

I mean, he hasn't been
home by himself before.

But we just got here. I'm sure Scraps
doesn't even realize we're gone.

What is happening?!

Why did they do this to me?!

Time is a liar!

May I use the bathroom?

It's right over there,

but you'll need this key attached
to a giant spoon to get in.

Be right back.

Must be so fun to
use the bathroom.

This better be important!
I'm at Zion, bitch!

Oh, Tai, thank God. I need you to come
rescue me from Sid's boss's house.

These people are even
worse than you said.

Oh, no, no. I can't leave
now. This party is lit!

Everyone is so hot and sweaty and
unidentifiably multi-cultural!

Please, if I stay here any longer, I think
I'm literally gonna kill one of them.

Fine. Drop me a pin.
I'll come get you.

Yes! Oh, my God, I love
you, I love you, I love you.

Love you!

Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me.

No, we get it. "We're all alive
and free." Get over yourselves.

- Sorry about that.
- You're just in time.

You didn't tell me your husband
here was born under a rock.

I fairness, it was voted the seventh
best rock to give birth under,

but yeah, point taken.

Yes, sir, this is the life.
Big house, hot wife...

and more bird beak than
I know what to do with.

I mean, there must be more
to life than that, right?

What about adventure,
excitement, meaning?

Your wife is starting to sound like
one of those dirty Wastelanders.

"Hey, man, I just want to drive my
crazy car and get into road wars."

That's very good. We
do sound like that.

Must contain rising bloodlust.

"You stole this land from the radioactive
zombies. They were here first."

Oh, darling, you're so funny. Not
to mention sexually attractive.

This is it. I'm gonna
murder him. It's happening.

"Save the whale. He's
the last of his kind."

Yeah, right. If I ever meet that
whale, I'm gonna harpoon his ass.

Sorry. Door was locked.

Tai? What are you doing here?
What a crazy coinki-dink.

Don't you remember? You were going to
help me back up my files to the cloud.

I didn't take you two to be
a couple of robot lovers.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing. I think robots play a
very important role in society...

for cleaning up my trash,
ya frickin' Roomba.

Oh, you did not just say that.

Annihilation mode, activated.

You've got mail, bitch.

Some people don't know how
to behave at a dinner party.

Not like us, right,
Mr. Rubinstein?

Get out! And don't bother coming
in on Monday. You're fired!

Coffee, anyone?

Tonight was a disaster. Tai
was completely out of control.

He's an emotionless killing machine.
Why is he always so dramatic?

It wasn't Tai's fault.

I asked him to come.

Wait. Sorry, why?

'Cause I'm not ready
to settle down.

I don't want to turn into
one of these boring people.

I liked who we were
back in the Wasteland...

Who said anything about becoming
like one of these people?

You seem so happy here. I
thought that's what you wanted.

Freya, I'm happy here
because I'm here with you.

I don't care if we live in Boomtown
or the Wasteland or anywhere else.

As long as I'm with the
same violent, sadistic,

psychotic warlord that
I fell in love with.

Oh, Sid.

What happened?

Oh, hey, you guys are back.

So, it's probably not the best time,
but someone barfed in your shoes,

and then... and then
they ate the barf.

How lucky am I that our guests left
such a big mess for me to clean up?

Will you keep it down, please?
I'm trying to read the paper.

Sorry. I didn't mean to
interrupt your studies, dear.

Oh, geez. Couldn't you at
least use the other hole?

It is I, Freya Exaltada,
Doom Bringer Extremus,

Sultanness of the
Great Garbage Islands,

and Runner-Up in the third annual
Wasteland Beatbox Championships.

I command you to give
Sid his job back.

Oh, yeah? Or what? You'll
curtsy me to death?

Nope. I'm gonna beat the crap out
of you like a goddamn warlord.

Stop that!

Oh, Morris, I didn't know that you could
fit your head up your own butt like that.

- It stinks in here!
- My flexible man.

Well, it was really great
getting to know you.

I know I only sat on you once,

but it was probably the most
meaningful experience of my life.

- Sid, can I have a word with you?
- Mr. Rubinstein, what happened to you?

Nothing. I slipped
getting out of the shower.

I certainly didn't have my esophagus
pulled through my butthole.

On a completely unrelated note,

I'm thinking of giving
you your job back.

Really? What changed?

What? People can't change their
minds without being flayed alive

and having your ribcage played
like a cartoon xylophone?

So, what do you say?

Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein. Yeah,
I won't let you down. I promise.

Well, you better not. I expect
you to deliver, or else.

And please give my
regards to the missus.

You know, not in a pushy way. You
know, in a polite, friendly way.

- Sure.
- I mean, not too polite, either. Just...

You know what? Just
forget I said anything.

Welcome back.

You hear that, chair?

We're back!

I am really excited to
go to work tomorrow.

I do belong here, and I am gonna
prove that to Mr. Rubinstein.

You know what? I'm excited, too.

I mean, so what if Boomtown
isn't as cool as the Wasteland?

We'll make it cool.

- As long as we're together.
- As long as we're together.

Mind if I scooch in?

Scraps, you know you're
not allowed on the bed.

Just for one night?

I can't say no to that
face. Come in here, boy.

Yes!

- A little bit over.
- Okay.

Yeah.

This feels right.

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by FAST TITLES MEDIA