Minx (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - You happened to me - full transcript

- Anyone who knows me
will tell you

I'm an affectionate guy.
- Stop it. Stop it. Stop.

- I love my wife.
I say it all the time.

- And sure,

sometimes she's not
in the mood, but...

I warm her up.

Believe me,

she's happy once we get going.

I do my part.

- Okay.
- Hey!

All I'm asking is that
she does hers.



- Oh.
- Friday.

- Not today, honey.
- Hey.

It's right there
in the wedding vows...

- No.
- Hey.

Love, honor, and obey.

I said I want 'em spicy.

How hard is it
to give me what I want?

- ♪ The good guys giving in ♪

♪ And letting the bad guys
win sometime ♪

♪ I'd like to see
the bad guys win ♪

♪ I'd like to see
the bad guy get the girl ♪

- Sorry, sweetheart.
I know you like it hot.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

- That's what
I'm talking about.



Oh, yeah.
- Mm.

- Fuck yeah.
- Mm.

- Oh, damn, babe.

Yup. Yup.

Oh.

Aah! Oh!

God, it burns!

Ow! God!

♪ ♪

Hi. Hello.

Am I--yeah, I am here.

Oh. Oh, my God.

- Okay, let it out.

- Wow.

How long has this
been going on?

You know what? Yeah, no.
You know what?

That's really
none of my business at all.

Unless blink twice
if you need help.

- Oh, well, well, well.

Look who's back
from the Big Apple.

- Yeah, I don't know
why you're saying that

so triumphantly.

I live here.

- Come on in.
I'm making flapjacks.

- No. That--nope.

I'll just talk to you
right here.

- Oh, once you get a taste
of these fluffies,

you'll be singing
a different tune.

- So you're okay with the bird?

- It's not my favorite
affectation.

- Whatever you came here
to say, we're good.

People fight.
Emotions run high.

I gotta give you credit.

It takes a lot to come here,
you know, hat in hand.

- No, I'm not here
to apologize.

I saw the pictures of Billy.

You cannot publish those,
and you know it.

They are a betrayal

of everything
we've been building together.

- Look, if you wanted a say
in that shoot,

then you should have
been here for it.

- Doug, no woman
in her right mind

is gonna sign off on those.

- Well, why don't we ask
your new managing editor,

see what she thinks?

- Tins?
- Doug.

- What?

Look, I would've consulted
with you, but you quit.

You remember?

- Wow. Congratulations.

You already found
a replacement for me as well.

Doug, you cannot do that.

- Oh, yeah, we can.

Busy Sunday at Casa Renetti.

Let's see who it is.

It's okay.

Happy for you.

- Deal's not final yet.

- Ah, son of a bitch.
We're on the hook for this how?

- You two,
along with the entity

known as "Minx" magazine,

are being sued by plaintiff
William Wilkerson,

who claims that your article
about marital rape

incited his formerly sane
and loving wife

into maiming his penis
with a substance measuring

over 1 million Scoville Units,

resulting in damage
to the foreskin

and audacious blistering
of the shaft.

- "Audacious blistering
of the shaft," that's good.

- And they say there's
nothing new under the sun.

- Fitting end to your circus:

us being shot out of a cannon.

- Gotta admit,
A-plus publicity stunt.

Good old Willy
turning lemons into lemonade

or hot peppers into--

- Salsa or potentially jelly.

- Okay, hello.

I see you're taking this
as seriously as he is.

- Bubbe, in this business,
if you don't laugh,

you don't last very long.

- Yeah, Myron and I have been
dealing with this crap

since it was a crime
to show your kneecaps, right?

- Offer a little settlement,

make this go away,
and everybody is happy.

- No, no, no, no, no.
We go big. We countersue.

- Dougele.
- What? Absolutely not.

- You cannot pay for this kind
of publicity. This is a gift.

- Oh, yeah, like
the Trojan horse was a gift.

Why am I even named
in this suit anyway?

He's the publisher.

I'm just--I was just
a powerless employee.

I don't have
any editorial control.

- According to this,

you're the creator
of "The Matriarchy Awakens,"

the original iteration
of this magazine

and the offending
article herein.

- Yeah, but I don't
even recognize

my own magazine anymore.

- Well, the law doesn't see it
that way,

and you're liable by virtue
of your proprietary rights.

- You know my lawyer asked me

not to discuss
my case on the air.

- And I see you
heeding this advice.

Yeah, I'm sorry,

but women like Joyce Prigger,

magazines like "Minx,"

they need to know
that the free ride is over.

Oh, yeah, I'm using
the power of the law,

but in my other hand,
I hold something more powerful:

people.

- Not just people.
Men Energized Now.

- We are calling on all M.E.N.
to get out there

and make things uncomfortable
for Prigger and Bottom Dollar,

AKA public enemies
number one and two.

- I think it's really clever

how the name
of the organization is M.E.N.

but it also spells "men."

- Men are smart.

- Are you talking
about the organization

or men in general?
- Both.

- Oh, my God.

- Proprietary rights?

So you own part of "Minx"?

- Yeah, according
to Doug's lawyer

and one very snooty clerk
at the UCLA Law Library.

- Please tell me
you're not trying to--

- Exercise my rights?
You bet I am.

- You don't wanna go to war.

You've only seen
Doug's nice side.

- That's his nice side?
- Mm-hmm.

Ask Fred Salzburg,

the paper vendor who
double-billed Doug for years.

- Why? What happened to Fred?

- No one knows,
but it's no longer called

Salzburg & Sons.

- Okay, well, I'm very sorry
for the Salzburg family,

but "Minx" is our baby.

- Mm.
- We can't just walk away.

- Don't say "we."
- But he's murdering our child.

- Yeah, well,
my paternal instincts

haven't kicked in just yet.

Try something else.
- Fine.

I can't do this without you.

And I don't wanna do it
without you, Richie.

You make the magazine better
in every way,

and I know that you know this,

and I know that you care
about it as much as I do.

Come on, Richie.
This is our time.

"Minx" is our baby.
We can't--

- I'm in. Let's go tell Doug.

- Oh, great. All right.

- Don't you need shoes?
- The Earth is my shoe.

Go. Go.

- Okay, okay.

Oh! Shit.

- We have rights too.

Men rights.
- Come on.

- Norman, what are you doing?

- Men are finally
fighting back.

- Oh, yeah, you're blaming us
for Willy's wife?

She's a nut job, Norm.
Look at who she married.

- You're siding with her now?
Come on.

What happened to you, man?

- I'm not siding with anyone.

Can you just move
so I can get in my spot?

- All right.

- Oh, that's nice.

Norman made some friends.

- A woman is sexually assaulted

every 20 seconds
in this country.

One guy gets a boo-boo
on his wiener,

and it's the end
of the fucking world.

- Joyce, is that
your first swear?

- Yeah, could you tell?

How was it?
- It was great.

- Was it--
- It was great.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Natural.

I've never marched in someplace
and just quit before.

- I have. There was bloodshed.

- Oh, something tells me

this isn't an apology
walking in my door.

- No, sir, it is not.

Until issues of ownership
have been resolved,

please immediately
cease and desist publication

of the third issue of "Minx."

- Handwritten.

- For that personal touch?

- My Selectric was out of ink.

- And what are you two
knuckleheads doing?

- They are with me.

- Well, thank you
for informing me

of your intentions, Joyce.

What do we do? What do we do?

- Let's go. Thank you.

- Well, if you touched
all the bases,

in my book,
that's a home run.

You tell Roger Middleton
that it doesn't matter

if it was a ground ball
and three errors.

It still counts.
God, he's just like his mom.

Oh, I wish I could have
seen it.

No, it's okay. Go.
Yeah, go.

We'll talk more when I'm back
from my--

my trip.

Okay, love you.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my two favorite people.

Take the Leica.

You're the only one
who really appreciates it.

- Thanks, Doug.

Already did.
- Oh, good. You know me.

I like to take care of my
people even if they move on.

Sorry, let me say that again.

Even if they stab me
in the back

and then move on.

- I saw that Billy centerfold.

You stabbed yourself.

- But you wanna throw away
years of our relationship

over a couple of bad days?

And do you really think
Joyce has what it takes

to do all this on her own?

- I don't know, Doug.

If it wasn't for "Minx,"
you'd have me

plucking stray pubes
for the next decade.

- Right, 'cause if you think
about it,

I had the idea
for you to shoot for "Minx"

before she ever walked through
those office doors.

So, what,
you're making moves now?

You're a hustler?

Then let me give you
a little advice.

I recommend you stay here
in the big leagues

as opposed to shipping off
to Palookaville with her.

- Well, if you really want me,

I suggest you make me
an offer I can't refuse.

Some initial suggestions.

- Two editorial assistants.

Good. Taught you something.

And I know
I taught you everything.

- I hate conflict.

My stomach feels like the
butter churn at Spahn Ranch.

- Yeah, and who got you
out of that mess?

What, you think you're gonna
call Joyce

and she's gonna smuggle you out

in the trunk of her car
at 2:00 a.m.?

- I don't know, maybe.
- She's gonna be asleep

with a glass of milk, out cold.

I'll take a look at these,
hotshot.

Did you find that address?

- You sure about this?

- Of course not.

- You're really tempting me,

but I do have to keep
my girlish figure.

I'm back on the market,
in case you hadn't heard.

- Well, any man would be lucky
to date a fox like you, Wanda.

- Oh, well.

My dance card's not exactly
full these days.

I'm told that men
find me intimidating.

- Yeah, well,
I understand that.

I think that's because you're
taking a beating in the press,

and I can help
turn that around for you.

You know, Willy has
a big platform

and an even bigger mouth,
which I think you know.

- Yeah.

- But I think you also
deserve to be heard.

And I've got a venue that is
built to champion women.

- I've never really thought
of myself as a public figure.

- Betsy Ross was just sewing
her husband's pants

when she invented
the American flag.

Did you know that?

Was Rosa Parks even an activist

before she refused
to get off that bus?

- You mean refused
to change seats?

- Joyce Prigger?

- May I?

- Of course. Yes, come in.

- Thank you.
- It's Joyce Prigger.

- Wow.
- Hello, Wanda.

- Hello. Welcome.
- Hello.

- What are you doing,
tailing me now, Joyce?

- Nope, just followed
the smell of manipulation.

- Great.
- Wanda?

- Hmm?
- Do not trust this man

with your story.

He does not care about you

or me or anyone, really.

- Oh, are you two an item?

- Ew. God, no.
- Oh, no.

- I'm just getting
some jilted lover vibes.

- He did break my heart
but as a business partner.

- I promised you a magazine

when no one else
in the world would.

- Only to turn around
and then hand it over

to that charlatan, Wendy Mah.

- Oh, I love Aphrodisia.

- Who told you about Wendy?

- I have friends
at Bottom Dollar.

Can you say the same thing?

- I am Bottom Dollar.

- And I am "Minx."

And I will save
both my magazine

and this poor woman
from your predatory ways.

- I don't think I need saving.

- No, because you are
a strong, independent person.

- Okay, I--

- Don't let him perpetuate

this disgusting lie
that's already out there.

My article obviously did not
inspire your act of revenge.

- Oh, it did, actually.

- Well, come on, Wanda.
That's--

- Listen,
Willy never forced me,

not like the women
that you wrote about.

But I mean, you show me a wife
who's never had sex

when she's not in the mood,
and I'll show you a liar

or at the very least, a woman
who's still on her honeymoon.

So it did--the article,
it got me thinking.

- But I didn't suggest
turning to violence.

- well, I didn't know that it
was gonna do that much damage.

I thought it would just,

you know, burn a little bit
and be funny.

- And it was very funny.

Not to take away
from any of your suffering,

but the jalapeño hand job
was very--

- We're talking here.
- No, we were actually talking.

- We're talking.
You're making it worse.

- Do you understand--
- Can I finish?

- Sorry.
- Please.

- I just got sick
of being told what to do

and who to be in my own home.

Some people
just want to use you

for their own stupid desires

or selfish aims
or petty squabbles.

They don't even bother
seeing you as a human being.

I don't know what's going on
between the two of you,

but I don't want
any part of it.

I'm gonna tell my own story.

- Well, thank you
for your time.

- You have a great day, Wanda.
- Thank you.

- Happy?
- Oh, my God.

- Welcome back to day five

of the M.E.N. offensive.

Now, we've struck
a nerve, folks.

Ratings are through the roof.

Contracts are being
renegotiated.

- I'm getting
an in-ground pool,

and you can't come use it, Ma.

- Now, in addition
to Willy's legal action,

we'll be providing resources

to men who can't file lawsuits
of their own.

- That's called an escalation
of conflict, my friends.

And guess what.

The ladies want
a piece of the action, too,

and we have
the most impressive lady of all

here with us today.

- The first female councilman

in Southern California

and a total babe to boot.

- The pride
of the San Fernando Valley,

Bridget Westbury.

- Well, it's a pleasure
to be here.

What happened to your...person

is a travesty, and we all know
who's responsible.

- I blame "Maude,"
"Mary Tyler Moore,"

and to a lesser extent,
"That Girl."

- Mm, enemies all.

But we're taking
the fight to them.

People vote all the time
to ban nuclear power plants

and strip mines,

and those industries
make our economy strong.

Pornography like "Minx"
enfeebles our community.

That's why on Monday,
I'm proposing a resolution

to ban the production
of pornographic materials

in the San Fernando Valley.

- Bold move.

Let me say,
as someone who does not

find pornography appealing...

Let's leave the filth

to the dirty Europeans.

- Californians
have always been pioneers,

and I am proud
to lead the wagon

into my valley...
cleaner and nicer.

- I can almost smell it.

- Where is everybody?
- I sent them home.

- Good, it's weird vibes
out there.

I saw a guy piss on himself
and not seem to mind.

- Oh.
- What about the cops?

- I called, but it's a peaceful
protest of white men,

a famously calm,
reasonable people.

- Okay. All right, we gotta
get them out of there.

- I have an idea.
- Yeah? Do that.

- 13 more lawsuits in two days,
and word on the street:

dozens more on the way.

You are in it now, my friends.

- They're outlandish.

I mean, surely
no reputable lawyer will--

- What, wanna create
an exciting new legal precedent

and be in textbooks forever?

Doll, my kind
lives for this shit.

- This porn ban, is it real?

- Well, Westbury
is an opportunistic SOB

or DOB or whatever.

- Nixon's about to be
reelected.

News flash: the '60s are over.

- Well, I think this will
help us take care

of the councilwoman, so...

- Huh? Okay.

Oh, that's fascinating.

That's great.

- You've got dirt
on the councilwoman?

- Yeah, I was saving it
for a rainy day.

The hypocrisy is staggering.

I mean, taking the high road--

What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

It's a felony to blackmail
a government employee

and disbarment for me
to even know about it.

What kind of shmendrik
hands this to his lawyer?

- All right, Myron, come on.
There's always a move.

- Yeah, there is. Fold "Minx."

Don't even think about
publishing the third issue.

The news cycle moves on.
Lawsuits fade away.

They're just trying
to jam you up, Dougie,

but don't take the bait.

You still have your company,

and you can hold on
to your other titles.

And you, you can use
the notoriety

to start something new.

Okay, look, the bright side?

From what I've seen
of the two of you,

not all partnerships
are meant to last.

Maybe it's a good thing

that you two don't have
to work together anymore.

- What do we want?

all:
For men to be safe from women!

- And when do we want it?

all: Yesterday!

- Tame the "Minx"!

all: Tame the "Minx"!

Tame the "Minx"!
Tame the "Minx"!

- We're gonna get out of it,
and you're gonna help us.

- All right, all right.
Anything I can do...

- I know.
- You just call me.

- You've always been--
- All right.

- Let me talk to those guys.
- This is your idea?

- You got something better?
- I can get them to leave.

- No, you can't.
They're lunatics.

- That's what I've been saying,

but someone's being
very reckless these days.

- Okay, well,
I'll come with you.

- No.

I am a vessel of power.

All of these men
fantasize about me,

and when I speak,

they will obey
my every command.

That was for my audition
for Cleopatra.

I didn't get it.

- Try pulling, Bam.

- We're doing this?

- It might work.

- Jimbo, Norman.

Stinky Pete,
they let you out early.

- Yeah.
- We love you, Bambi.

- I love you too.
- Oh, yeah.

- Boys...

the world is changing.

I know a lot of people
don't look or think

the way they used to
and that can be scary,

but we're strong.

We have big hearts,
and together

we can face this world,

and it's gonna be okay.

- Yeah.

- There's no need
for anger here.

"Minx" isn't your enemy.

It's a special place

that's opened my eyes
to so many new things.

Here, my ideas matter,
and I have a voice.

Me, Luann Pryzbylko from Reseda
by way of Kuala Lumpur.

And it's high time
I shared some news with you,

because you're not
just my fans.

You're my family.

- Like the trumpeter swan,

she's shed
her juvenile feathers

and reemerged in a blinding
white blaze of beauty.

- I need to get
the fuck out of here.

I made a mistake.

I thought sharing my truth was
the surest way to their hearts,

so I told them I officially
retired from nude modeling.

- Aw, officially?

- Oh, Jesus, God.

- Yeah, they think
you brainwashed me,

and they're very angry.

- Oh, they've breached
the perimeter.

Okay, fall back.

Fall back!
- To where?

- What?
- The layout room.

We'll be pinned down,
but it provides the best cover.

- How do you know that?
- Military family.

- Come on.
Are we really doing this?

♪ ♪

- Let's get that window
boarded up.

Okay, I'm moving the couch.
Excuse me.

Joyce, mailbags.

- Yeah.

- Are we really hiding
from these jelly doughnuts?

That's what we're doing
right now?

- Bottom Dollar attacked
by its own fans.

Sounds like an A-plus
publicity stunt to me.

- Who knew virgins
could be so mean?

- Get away
from the window, Bambi.

They're looking for you.

- Tina, kill the lights.

♪ ♪

- Your Majesty...

time to call a minion.

♪ ♪

- Things have gotten out
of hand down at Bottom Dollar.

We should send a couple
black-and-whites.

- Or wait and see
how the situation unfolds.

Don't wanna be too hasty.

♪ ♪

- Cops aren't coming.

Westbury's hanging us out
to dry on this.

- Settle in.

- Well, I guess
I'll die right here

next to my greatest
humiliation.

Perfect end
to a perfect chapter.

- Oh, nobody's gonna die.

They're just blowing off
some steam, that's all.

- Oh, there must be someone
we can call.

What about those goons this one
trotted out for Billy Brunson?

- Oh, what, you wanna
turn this into a bloodbath?

- Better their blood than ours.

- What happened to the Joyce
who had an aneurysm

when she found out the Mob
was delivering her magazine?

- You happened to me.

- Hey, this one's locked.

- Norman found
Renetti's office.

Come on.

- Whoa.
All right, come on!

- If those animals
get into my cameras,

I swear
I'll fight them myself.

- All right, listen,
don't worry about the gear.

When this is all over,

I'll buy anything
you want, okay?

- Why would you buy
new equipment

for my photographer?

- I can buy anything I want

for my new art director.

Right, pal?

- Yeah, I appreciate
your interest,

but no, thank you.

- Oh, I see.
So all that was game to you?

- No, it's not a game, Doug.

It's just a small taste
of what it's like

to be pushed around by a bully.

But thank you for your
master class in negotiation.

- Aww!

These reader letters.

People love us.

Well, not you.

- Well, everything I did,
I did for Bottom Dollar.

- Look at that.

He put me front and center.

- It's your time to shine.

- "Your magazine
made me feel good

"about wanting what I want
and angry at people

"trying to stop me
from getting it.

"'Minx' is a refuge
for every woman

who thinks she's alone in this
wicked, wonderful world."

Each one of these is a person
reaching out because of us.

- This kid is asking
if we have any internships.

He's 16 years old.

Ah, he keeps the centerfold
under his mattress.

Ooh, we gotta get this boy
the hell out of Mississippi.

- My, God, this woman
is inviting us to her wedding.

- This is just a recipe
for a Tuscan bread salad.

Oh, there it is.

- Someone named
their baby Joyce.

- Oh. Oh, my God.

There's a soda can
as a reference point.

- Oh, she took her husband
back...

to the asylum.

- What is that smell?

- Oh, my God.
- All right, that's it.

This fucking ends now.
Let's call the Russians.

- Already did.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- What would I do without you?

♪ ♪

- ♪ There's a new world
coming ♪

♪ This one's coming
to an end ♪

♪ There's a new voice
calling ♪

♪ You can hear it if you try ♪

♪ And it's growing stronger ♪

♪ With each day
that passes by ♪

♪ There's a brand-new
morning ♪

♪ Rising clear
and sweet and free ♪

♪ There's a new day dawning ♪

♪ That belongs to you and me ♪

♪ Yes, a new world's coming ♪

♪ The one we've had
visions of ♪

♪ Coming in peace ♪

♪ Coming in joy ♪

♪ Coming in love ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yes, a new world's coming ♪

- King of the valley
found his way to Pasadena.

- Well, I don't hate
a road trip.

I even went to the Rose Bowl.
I took a picture.

You see "Betsy"?

Wendy really did a number
on us, huh?

- Yeah, I got off easy

with "pretentious"
and "solipsistic."

You are "a greasy P.T. Barnum
with a dash of Judas Iscariot."

Maybe I misjudged her
as a writer.

- She had good reason
to be pissed.

We had a deal, and I pulled
the plug at the last minute.

- Her taste too rich
for your blood?

- No, it wasn't
about the money.

I just didn't think she was
the right fit for "Minx."

- Why? Seems like
a match made in heaven.

- Because she's not you.

Look, what you made,
it means something to people,

and I didn't know
what to do with that.

And so I turned it
into something pretty ugly,

and I got--

I got pretty ugly
along the way, too, so...

- That is very big of you
to admit.

- And I know that we're sailing
against the wind on this one,

and I'm responsible for that,
but I can fix this.

We can fix this together
as partners this time

and fuck everybody
who's trying to stop us.

- You know,
I got a call last week

from a literally agent
just out of the blue

telling me about all
the opportunities out there

and that it's just
a matter of me

deciding what I wanna do next.

- Oh, good. You've earned that.

- Yeah, but...

attached to each one
of those opportunities

is another Doug Renetti,

someone who wants
something from me,

something that they could
never do on their own

but still insists
on holding all the power.

I'm not sure I'm interested in
giving away my power anymore.

- So that's it?
You're gonna go at it alone?

- Maybe.

- Two issues and you're ready
to be a publisher?

I mean, the stones on you.

- I'll tell you what.

"Minx" is yours.

Yeah, I don't wanna do it
without you, so take it.

Go to all the places
you wanna go with it.

I can't wait to see
what you do.

- Doug.

Thank you.

Good luck.

- ♪ Here's your one chance,
Fancy, don't let me down ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Here's your one chance,
Fancy ♪

♪ Don't let me down ♪

♪ Lord, forgive me
for what I do ♪

- ♪ Please ♪
- ♪ But if you want out ♪

♪ Well, it's up to you,
now, don't let me down ♪

♪ Your mama's gonna
help you move uptown ♪

- ♪ Don't me let me down ♪

♪ Don't me let me down ♪

- ♪ Mama dabbed a little bit
of perfume on my neck ♪

♪ And she kissed my cheek ♪

♪ And I saw the tears
well up in her troubled eyes ♪

♪ When she started to speak ♪

♪ She looked
at our pitiful shack ♪

♪ And then she looked at me ♪

♪ And took a ragged breath ♪

♪ "Your pa's run off
and I'm real sick ♪

♪ And the baby's
gonna starve to death" ♪

♪ She handed me
a heart-shaped locket ♪

♪ That said,
"To thine own self be true" ♪

♪ And I shivered as I watched
a roach crawl ♪

♪ Across the toe
of my high-heeled shoe ♪

♪ It sounded like somebody
else that was talking ♪

♪ Asking,
"Mama, what do I do?" ♪

♪ "Just be nice
to the gentlemen, Fancy ♪

♪ And they'll be nice
to you" ♪

♪ Here's your chance, Fancy,
don't let me down ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Here's your one chance,
Fancy, don't let me down ♪

♪ Lord, forgive me
for what I do ♪

- ♪ Please ♪
- ♪ But if you want out ♪

- ♪ Well, it's up to you ♪

♪ Now get on out, girl ♪

♪ You better start
movin' uptown ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, that was the last time
I saw my ma ♪

♪ The night I left
that rickety shack ♪

♪ 'Cause the welfare people
came and took the baby ♪

♪ Ma died,
and I ain't been back ♪

♪ But the wheels of fate
had started to turn ♪

♪ And for me,
there was no way out ♪

♪ And it wasn't very long ♪

♪ Till I knew exactly what ♪