Minder (1979–1994): Season 2, Episode 12 - Caught in the Act, Fact - full transcript
Terry helps out his friend Des by delivering a car but it is a getaway car that has been used in a robbery and Terry's finger-prints are found in it. Amazingly Arthur comes to his young minder's rescue by providing him with an alibi though more aggravation is provided by a magistrate who is also a thief.
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♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to ♪
Come over here.
I want to show you
the sort of inspired business acumen
that makes me a winner.
Look at that.
- Goldfish.
- Goldmine, Terry. Goldmine.
I would have thought sharks
would be more in your line.
- Very droll, very droll.
- So what are you gonna do with 'em?
Put 'em in little plastic bags.
At least, you are.
I'm what?
Oh, don't worry,
you'll be on an earner.
- How big an earner?
- Oh, well that depends.
There's a bit of time and motion
to consider.
Oh,
time and motion?
Yeah, you know?
Like piece work, so much a bag.
- I think that'll be equitable.
- What are you talking about?
Well, look, you've been
to the fairground, haven't you?
Yes, Arthur,
I've been to the fairground.
And you see
in some of the booths,
they have little plastic bags
with goldfish in,
which they give away
as prizes.
- Yeah, yeah, right.
- Now, how do you think
those fish get
into those little plastic bags?
Somebody puts 'em
in the little plastic bags.
You're quick, Terry,
I'll give you that.
- Yeah, well I'm not gonna do it.
- Someone's got to.
Ain't gonna be me!
No, no, no. Look, it don't hurt 'em,
if that's what's worrying you?
I mean,
they got no nervous system.
You've never heard a trout scream
when it got caught, have you?
- Oh, leave it out, Arthur.
- Hang on, hang on.
No, look, you are being
unreasonable, Terry.
You are being
very unreasonable.
Arthur, I am not putting live goldfish
into little plastic bags.
No. It's not cruel,
if that's what's worrying you?
I got this fishmonger friend
and he told me
they like it,
being on their own.
It gives 'em sense of identity, a feeling
of tranquillity, away from the pack.
It's the crowded bowl
they don't like.
I don't know where you dream 'em up,
honest, I don't.
I mean, one minute,
they're nerveless,
the next minute,
they're all brainy and sensitive.
No, no, no. I'm not saying that,
but it's instinctive.
- Like all God's creatures.
- That's right.
And I instinctively know
I ain't gonna do it.
Look, as a personal favour for me,
Terry?
It's got nothing to do with favours,
or wages,
or whether the bleeding fish
like it or not.
- Well, what, then?
- I ain't gonna do it!
Why not?
- Well, it's...
- Well, what?
Well...
I don't like touching 'em, that's all.
All slimy and wriggly, I've just...
got a thing about it.
I don't believe it!
Hard case like you scared
of touching a goldfish.
I didn't say I was scared, did I?
I said I don't like touching 'em.
Well, well, well,
who'd have thought it?
Everybody's got a thing
about something.
You don't like rats.
Nobody don't like rats.
Rats are disliked from the off.
We are talking about a pet,
a creature of joy
and wonder to children.
I'll see you later.
Well, where are you going?
Take this back to Des.
Pick up my own motor.
He's way out
in the East End now.
- That's right.
- Listen,
supposing I throw in
a pair of rubber gloves.
They'd probably drown,
Arthur!
Bloody ingrate!
- Yeah?
- 'Is that Mr Arthur Daley?'
Yeah.
- 'This is Harry Thompson.'
- Harry who?
'Harry Thompson.
You remember.'
Harry Thompson!
- How are things with you, Harry?
- Well... I'm fine, Arthur.
- And you?
- 'Fine, fine.'
And the family?
Are they fine?
'Yeah, fine, fine.
Yours?'
- Oh, they are fine.
- 'That's fine.'
Up to the same sort of thing
these days, are you?
Oh, much the same,
expanding as ever. I never let
the grass grow under my feet, Harry.
- You know that.
- Well... that's fine.
Arthur, look, I'm sorry to ring you
out of the blue like this, but...
but I wonder
if we could arrange a meet?
'I've got a little problem I was hoping
you might help me sort out.'
Oh, always ready to help a friend,
Harry, you know that.
Erm...
business, is it?
Well, I'll explain that
when I see you.
What about this afternoon?
Say, 2:30?
'No trouble. Where?'
Well, I'm at my golf club at the
moment, the Melrose.
'Oh, yeah, yeah,
I know it well.'
Well, er...
maybe we could have a round.
Well,
why don't we have several?
- 'Several?'
- Yeah, I like a drink.
I was talking about a round of golf,
Arthur.
Oh, golf!
Golf...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, I'll see you this afternoon
in the clubhouse, 2:30.
'Yeah, I'll be there.
Bye.'
No, no. I'll be there.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know I said yesterday. The geezer
didn't bring the tyres until last night.
Yeah, all right.
Trust me!
Yeah, all right.
I'll see you in a bit.
- Ta-ra.
- Denis?
I know I promised, Terry,
but my mechanic left me.
...
- Look, I'm up to my ear
- It's been a bleeding week now.
- Every day is tomorrow.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, trust me, Terry,
it will be ready tomorrow.
You said that yesterday and the day
before that and the day before that.
Well, I haven't broken a promise,
have I?
Look, Terry, you don't want
a botched, rushed job, do you?
We may take our time here,
but that's cos we care.
A satisfied customer is more
important to me than money, Terry.
I'm sorry,
but that's the way I am.
Turn it in, will you?
You're talking to me.
You sound like Arthur.
Are you gonna fix this or what?
I only wish I could find the time,
Terry.
The thing is, I've got this meeting
and there's this bloke I'm supposed
to deliver another motor to.
Terrific, innit?
Tell you what,
we could do each other a favour.
You deliver the motor for me,
I go to my meeting,
then I'll come back here and fix
your motor for you.
- How's that sound?
- Definitely suspect.
You'll be on a drink.
10% of my 250.
25 quid for a drive.
It can't be bad, can it?
Yeah, all right, all right.
- Where is it?
- It's that motor over there.
- Hey, have you got the keys for the Luton?
- No, I left 'em in.
You berk!
It'll get nicked!
- What about the dough?
- Oh, cash on delivery.
You get from him what he owes me
and take your bit from here.
- Come on!
- That way, you're sure of getting your money.
I'd prefer it upfront.
Don't be such a worryguts,
it'll be there.
Where is it?
You know that multi-storey car park
off Mildmay Road?
Ground level,
bloke'll meet you there.
Funny place to deliver a motor,
innit?
Well, he works just across the road.
That's where he parks it.
- All right, then.
- Yeah.
And as soon as I get back,
I'll sort yours out.
Just see you do, eh?
- Smart outfit, Arthur.
- Oh, thank you, Harry.
I always say, "You respect the occasion,
the occasion will respect you."
Right, do you want to tee off,
or shall I?
Either way, Harry,
either way.
Have you played this course before?
Er...
not for a long time, no.
Right, well, I'll tee off.
Give you some idea of the line, all right?
Oh, er... what's your handicap?
Handicap!
There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm in fine shape, I tell you.
Your golf handicap,
Arthur.
Oh, golf hand-Oh...
About the same as yours, Harry.
Right, off you go.
Oops.
Well, there's something wrong
with the tee, I think, Harry.
It's, er...
not flat.
Ah,
there we are.
It is a dogleg,
the first, Harry, yes?
No, Arthur,
it's straight up the middle.
'Filter, two, two, roger.'
The thing is Arthur,
the bloke I normally employ
is on a week's holiday.
Say no more, Harry,
say no more.
I've got just the man you want
in my employ.
Young Terry McCann. Big, strong lad.
Turn his hand to anything.
Well, almost anything.
Of course, you know that
Lady Margaret sits as a magistrate?
Know?
Why, I never miss the court reports
in the local newspaper
for that very reason.
I was saying to 'er indoors
the other day, I said,
"I see Lady Margaret's been merciful to
some misguided wrongdoer again" I said.
That's very kind of you to say so,
Arthur.
And yes, she is a...
special kind of person.
Especially to me.
A wonderfully warm
human being.
And I can relate to that.
I mean, if it's in your nature
to give a helping hand to the poor
reject's of life's rich tapestry,
well, that is the way you are.
- But I do take your point.
- You do?
Well, I can see
there must be occasions
when she has to wield
the sword of justice
and send some wicked malefactor
to the nick.
One who might harbour
thoughts of revenge.
I don't quite follow you, Arthur.
Well, revenge against the
instrument of justice that sent him there.
In this case,
your good lady wife.
Well,
I didn't, erm...
Well, of course, that's the sort of thing
that could be a possibility.
Which is why you want to hire
my man. To mind her.
Well, yes.
In a way, yes, but...
it's a little bit more complicated
than that.
- Who are you?
- Who are you?
You a friend of Des?
You the geezer I've got to deliver
something to?
No, he's supposed to,
but you're sitting in it.
Yeah, well, that's got that
sorted out, hasn't it?
No, he's busy,
so he asked me to do it.
- Oh, all right. Ta, then.
- No, hold on.
- He said something about 250 quid.
- Oh, did he, now?
"Cash on delivery"
was the term he used, yeah.
That wasn't our arrangement,
squire.
Hold on, look. I'm getting a pony
for delivering this, right?
If I don't get my bit of wedge,
this goes back to where it came from.
I mean, whatever arrangements
you have with Des,
that's between you and him, innit?
Smashing.
Ta.
Well, that certainly is a problem,
Harry,
but of course,
it's just eccentricity.
I, erm...
I can rely on your discretion?
Well, I'm surprised
you have to ask that.
I'm sorry, Arthur,
I'm sure you understand.
Our position. My business.
A thing like that, you know?
Say no more, Harry,
say no more.
We are men of the world,
we understand these things,
where others might not.
As far as discretion's concerned,
I've forgotten what you told me already.
Good.
Have you done it?
- Course I've done it.
- Good.
- A promise is a promise.
- Right.
Oh, did you deliver that car
all right?
Yeah, that's all right, yeah.
How much do I owe you?
Let's see.
Labour, spare parts,
personal service.
Call it 25 quid.
- That's a coincidence, innit?
- What's a coincidence, Terry?
Never mind.
25.
Er... you don't want a receipt,
do you?
Just a minute.
Haven't you forgotten something?
No, I don't think so.
The two and a quarter from the
punter you delivered the car to.
That. No, no. He said you had a
different arrangement
and I figured it wasn't my place
to argue.
Bad payer, is he?
What you need's a good debt collector.
Now, for 25%, I'm your man.
By the way,
your big end's going.
Now, all you have to do,
you see,
if just half-fill one of these bags
with water.
Like that.
And then you just...
Well, you just take one of the fish,
pop it in the bag.
And then take one of these pins,
tack it up on that board.
Dead easy.
Why didn't you pick a fish out,
Arthur?
Allergy, Stevie. Allergy.
If any part of my body
is touched by a naked fish, bang.
All down my left side.
Very uncomfortable.
Won't go away for three weeks.
No!
- Yeah, well, I'll give it a try.
- Shh! Stevie...
'Yeah, well, I'll give it a try.'
- And how many do you want?
- Let's say 100 to start with, eh?
At, what, 10p a piece?
Oh, that's a tenner!
Shouldn't take you more than a
half-hour.
Look, say, say 200
to be getting on with.
- Do me, Arthur.
- Good, good. There you are.
When you've completed that,
we'll talk about the second phase
of the operation,
- OK?
- Right.
Stevie, any you find floating on the top,
leave them there.
I can claim on the insurance.
'It's six o'clock,
this is Dickie Arbiter.'
In an armed raid
on a post office security van today...
robbers got away with mailbags
containing registered mail...
believed to contain in the region
of ten thousand pounds.
The getaway car,
a blue ford cortina,
DYR206V
was later discovered...
not far away in Vickers road.
Police were quickly on the scene,
but the robbers had disappeared.
Police are appealing
for witnesses.
Where was you last night
and this morning?
Just a minute, Terry.
I don't think the young lady I was with
would care for me to discuss
the details with you.
Don't give me any of that crap.
You've been keeping out of my way.
Why would I do that? Your motor
is running all right, isn't it?
It's not my motor
I'm worried about.
That was a right diabolical stroke
you pulled on me!
Stroke? I don't know what you're
talking about.
I'm gonna lose my temper in a minute!
Just a minute, Terry,
no need for violence.
I think I know
what you're on about.
And I had no idea that car
was being used for a robbery.
It was a ringer
and you bloody rung it!
Terry, I swear to you...
The plates on that car were the same
as when I received it.
First I knew about it was
when I read it in the papers
- this morning.
- You're a liar!
Oh, here you are.
I've been looking all over for you.
Why are you holding Des
like that?
- So I can give him a good hiding!
- Oh, yeah?
Terry, come on. There's no need
to take that attitude.
You must think I'm right mug
standing for this.
- My dabs will be all over that motor.
- Dabs? Dabs? What you on about?
This little bastard conned me
into delivering a motor
and guess what - it was a ringer
and it was used in a robbery yesterday.
Not the mailbag thing?
Exactly, and my fingerprints
will be all over it.
Des, that wasn't very nice.
Well, I don't want to be nice, Arthur,
I just want to be rich.
- You want to...
- A joke, a joke, Terry!
Arthur, tell him, would I do
a thing like that?
Probably.
Arthur, don't play silly,
cos this is serious!
Bloody right,
it's a serious.
All right, Terrence,
but what are you gonna do about it?
Simple.
I'm gonna go down the local nick
and tell 'em how I happened
to be in that motor.
- No, no.
- Why not?
Because you'd be grassing on a
friend.
Friend?
If you're a friend, Gawd help us
if someone don't like me.
Yeah, yeah. But you will be grassing,
Terry, and you are not a grass.
I don't believe this!
Do you mean I've got to look forward
to 15 years' bird
just so he can earn a poxy
two and a half hundred?
Well, two and a quarter, Terry. There was
your comission, don't forget that.
Oh, my God, this is unreal!
- Arthur, I swear on my mother's life...
- She's dead!
Well, I still swear I had nothing to do
with it. I didn't know nothing about it.
He was a passing punter.
He asked me to fix the engine,
then he rung me up
and asked me to deliver it.
He said
his name is Smith.
- Smith?
- Well, he said his name was Smith.
Well, that's all you need
to tell the Old Bill, innit?
Don't be ridiculous,
Terry.
- Who'd believe a story like that?
- I'm supposed to!
Well, not the coppers. You know
what a distrusting lot they are.
I don't know, what are you worrying about?
They'll have rubbed the prints off anyway.
They were a professional mob.
They were bound to have worn gloves.
Yeah, all right,
they were wearing gloves.
I should have known
when I saw him with them on.
Yeah, yeah.
He's right, Terry.
I mean, they won't have touched anything
you didn't touch, unless you crawled all over it.
Well, no, I just suppose
I just touched the door and a...
- bit of the controls.
- Well, there you are.
The radio - which, incidentally,
was tuned into a police frequency.
Well, I don't know anything about that.
The engine was all I fixed.
You see? They'll have turned it back,
rubbed your dabs off.
- Bit of luck, you'll be all right.
- Bit of luck?!
No, no, no. Look, if the worst comes
to the worst, you can say you were with me.
Wait a minute, you must have been
somewhere. So you've got an alibi.
No, I haven't.
I was on my own when it all went off.
All right. You was with me. At the
Winchester. We'll get Dave to support you.
- You've got nothing to worry about.
- He's right, Terry.
Anyway, we've got more important
things to discuss.
What's more important than getting
my collar felt for a blag I didn't do?
Work.
And I'll see you again an' all!
Work, Terry. Lucrative
and very simple work.
- Not thouse bleeding gold fish?
- No, no, no, no.
Not a gold fish. And there is
nothing wrong with a gold fish.
Could be a good friend.
Loyal, trusty, quiet.
A nice thing about them,
if they start to give you an amp,
you always can splush them
down the toilet.
Come on.
Oh. Don't do that!
Yeah, he was a mate of mine when we both
started out on life's rich adventure.
And, like me,
he's done very well for himself.
Builder. You know,
office blocks, that sort of thing.
Millionaire,
I shouldn't wonder.
And he's married
into the aristocracy.
Lady Margaret Thompson,
that's who you'll be looking after.
Bit of class, Terry.
- She a mate an' all?
- Erm... well, no, no,
we haven't actually met.
But she is gentry, Terry,
so you watch your manners.
Yeah, I'll try and remember
to tug my forelock now and then.
What am I looking after her for
anyway?
Well, she's a...
magistrate.
A magistrate?
Well, that don't make
no difference, do it?
Well, there is a chance I may have appeared
before her on some distant occasion.
No, no, no chance of that. She's only
been doing it for about two years.
And with your whack 20 quid a day,
you should complain?
- Well, what are you on a day?
- Me? No, nothing.
The man's a friend, Terry.
I couldn't stripe him.
Well, a small commission, you know?
Nothing more.
- Don't amount to a drink.
- No.
Anyway,
it'll be a doddle.
All you've got to do
is be around during the day,
perhaps to the odd job, drive her about
if she wants to go somewhere.
Escort her shopping, carry her bags,
that sort of thing.
Sounds exciting.
How long's it for?
Oh, no more than a week.
Till the other geezer gets back.
And you don't have to start
till Monday.
- Harry?
- Hello, Arthur.
This is the boy I was telling you about,
Harry. Sound as they come.
Terry, Mr Thompson.
- Hello, Terry.
- Mr Thompson.
Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you
like this, Terry.
- I must say, you look capable enough.
- Oh, he is, he is, Harry.
I suppose Arthur's told you
what your duties will be?
- More or less, yeah.
- The shopping and everything?
Yeah, don't worry, Harry,
I told him the full SP.
And Terry is totally trustworthy
and discreet.
Well, I won't be around on Monday
myself,
but I'll inform Lady Margaret
to expect you early on.
I will personally accompany him
to introduce myself and all that,
you know?
Yeah, well,
as you will.
Just wait in the car a minute,
will you, Terry?
I... I want to get
the address from Harry.
Harry, about the fee. There'll be
some upfront expenses, you know?
Yeah, of course.
How much are you expecting?
Well, it's 50 quid a day.
Say 200 now
and the rest when the job's done?
Yeah, that's all right.
Come in and I'll give you a cheque.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Cash, if you could, Harry.
Haven't changed,
have you, Arthur?
- It's totting!
- It is not totting.
You'll be in a modern Transit,
not riding a horse and cart.
You'll be handing out lavish gifts,
pets to treasure for years.
You'll be Father Christmas
every day.
There's more to life than nicking
a few quid, Stevie. Take it from me.
I'm beginning to think
I am, Arthur.
...
...
Quality second-hand clothes
is what I'm after.
Old clothes for fish!
Old clothes for fish!
Old clothes for fish!
Old clothes for fish!
- Simple psychology, innit?
- Psychology?
Kids love goldfish,
don't they?
And they'll soon learn they've got to come up
with some good clobber if they want one,
which I then sell in a second-hand clothes
shop I've just bought an interest in.
The fish only set me back 15p a go.
That includes packaging and water.
That's a bit strong, Arthur.
You're exploiting them kids.
No, no, no, no, not exploitation,
no, no, no.
No. The kids all be happy
and I'll be happy.
That's not exploitation.
That's business.
Would you like one,
Dave?
No, thanks.
I've got a cat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, all right.
Keep it down.
Plenty of fish for everyone!
Plenty of fish for everyone!
Keep it down. All right.
That's lovely, thank you very much.
Here we are.
Keep the noise down.
Here are some fish.
KEEP THE NOISE DOWN!
There we are, there's your fish.
Oh, that's a nice one, son.
Here, I'll have that, that's lovely.
Thank you very much.
Plenty of fish for everyone.
So that's all right about Terry,
then, eh?
- OK. He was in here with you.
- It won't come to anything, I'm sure.
What the bloody hell
is happening?
What's all this about?
Terry, Terry,
I never would have thought it of you.
All right, all right.
Bang to rights, I'm afraid,
Terry.
Do leave off, I had nothing to do with it.
You know that ain't my game.
I don't know anything of the sort,
do I, Terry?
You've got form for violence,
you mix with a lot of villains.
I was down the Winchester
when it happened.
How do you know
when it happened?
I heard it on the radio.
Oh, I see, and you just happened
to remember the time?
Yeah, and it was in the papers.
Terry, we've got your prints
on one of the getaway cars...
now how are you going
to explain that?
I don't know.
God, I'm in and out of loads
of different motors.
Especially since mine's
been in dock.
Okay.
So, do you know
where the blue cortina?
Well...
I found I can't think of anyone.
I mean, you don't remember all the cars
you've been given a lifting, do you?
Well, then you'll just have to make
a list of every person you've had a lift
- with in the last couple of weeks.
- Oh, I can't remember them all.
Then you're in serious trouble
my son.
Look, all you've got to do is check with
Arthur Daley and David of Winchester.
Oh, I intend to.
I intend to, Terry.
I don't know, mr Chisholm.
Tuesday afternoon you say?
Between four
and five o'clock.
Dave, I wasn't in here at that time
on tuesday afternoon, was I?
Yeah, yeah, you were Arthur.
Don't you remember. It was like
me, you and Terry.
We were standing right there,
discussing the exchange
and mark game
the special reference to goldfish.
Oh, yes, yes,
you're quite correct Dave, yes.
Yes, I was with Terry
all afternoon.
His motor was in dock and I was
running him around, you know.
I didn't ask you where Terry was
all afternoon, so why mention him?
Well, Dave mentioned Terry and
I just remembered I was with him.
Is it Terry you're interested in,
Sarge?
He's not in any trouble is he,
Mr Chisholm?
I think it's only right
you should tell me if he is.
He may need a lawyer.
I have a very special affection
for that boy.
You know he's
an innocent at heart.
I wouldn't like to see him get
into any trouble.
Exactly, Arthur.
What do you mean?
- What do you think?
- Hard to say, guv.
Could be right, I suppose.
Except Judas Iscariot is the epitome of truth
and honesty compared to Arthur Daley.
Well, that print was on the outside
of the motor, guv.
That wouldn't stand up in court.
Anyone can put their hand on a motor
just in passing, can't they?
What did I tell you?
No trouble. No trouble at all.
- The geezer still thinks I'm involved.
- Look, you're on the street,
you've got your liberty,
down to me.
Don't you forget it.
A friend in need.
I've lost nearly two days
of my liberty up in there,
being got at by Chisholm.
And what for?
To keep Des out of it.
So just don't talk to me
about friends in need, all right?
Mr Daley?
Mr Daley, what about my fee?
- Your what?
- My 100 guineas.
100 guineas? Just for showing your face?
That's a bit strong, innit?
And negotiating Mr McCann's release.
Cheap at half the price.
Yeah, you're right.
I'll see you get half the price.
At least the dog responsible will.
Terry, if I had the money,
you could have it,
but I haven't got it.
Des, I'm trying to be nice.
Now, if you could contact Mr Smith
and recover my two and a quarter,
which you should have got in the
first place, you could have it. Willingly.
One of these days,
I'll smack you in the mouth.
- All right! All right!
- Now, just pay the man!
Sorry about this, Mr Knight.
100 guineas.
50.
Could I have a receipt,
please?
Now, Terry, remember what I said,
best behaviour, right?
Look, if she wants to go anywhere,
you go with her.
You accompany her even if it's
just shopping or something like that.
And the rest of the time,
be about the place, do the odd job.
All right, I come from good peasant stock,
I know my position in life.
There is no need for that attitude,
Terry.
It's just that the gentry are
different from the likes of you and...
well, from the likes of you.
Say it again.
Born into money and privilege,
living off the backs of the likes of me
and people like you keep 'em there.
Terry!
Remember where you are.
Good God,
Harrods is only just round the corner.
I'm shocked, Terry.
Truly shocked.
That is the kind of thinking
that undermines our great nation.
I don't know where you get
such ideas from.
I thought you only read
the sports pages.
Come on, ring the bell.
Mustn't keep Lady Margaret Thompson
waiting, must we?
Why couldn't you wear a tie?
Maybe we ought to prostrate ourselves
on the front doorstep.
Stand up straight.
Shouldn't we use
the tradesman's entrance?
Lady Margaret Thompson?
Yes.
If you don't mind waiting in here for a moment
while I turn my gas cylinders off.
Thank you, your ladyship.
Help yourself to a drink if you want one.
I won't be long.
Thank you, ma'am.
Gas cylinders?
Welding goggles?
Listen, I hope this ain't some kind
of loon you've got me webbed up with.
No, no, not a loon, Terry.
A little on the eccentric side, maybe.
- Did you see her bleeding daisies?
- Yeah, but you must realise,
the upper class don't suffer the same
inhibitions as your lower orders, do they?
I mean, assurance, poise, it's bred
in 'em, innit? It's in the blood.
Nice.
Very nice.
Well, let's avail ourselves
of her ladyship's hospitality, shall we?
Cor! The original Napoleon,
I shouldn't wonder.
- You want some?
- No, no thanks, no.
Good boy. No boozing on the job.
Very professional.
Very good for the image.
Working with top people here,
Terry.
No telling where it might lead
if you do a good job.
Whole new class
of clientele.
Influence and power in high places,
democracy at work, my son.
Do shut up, Arthur.
None of your bolshie
fanaticism here, my boy.
Bolshie fanaticism, Mr Daley?
What are you talking about?
Oh, my ladyship, I was just telling
my man here... Terrence.
..about the dangers
of leftist lunatics
in this great country of ours,
ma'am.
Good God.
You sound like an Express editorial.
Thank you, ma'am.
I must tell you gentlemen
straight away that...
my husband has an overprotective
attitude towards me.
It's totally unwarranted
and I only wish
I could persuade him that it's
unnecessary, but I can't.
I'm sure he only has your ladyship's
interests at heart, ma'am.
Were you ever a butler,
Mr Daley?
Butler? Me?
No, I suppose not.
Pity.
You seem to have
all the requirements.
Old clothes for fish!
Tommy, you come back here
right this minute!
Tommy!
That's your father's best suit.
Tommy!
Come here, you...
I'll give you...
...
Oi! Hang on!
I want a word with you,
you slimy bastard.
...
Here, go on, go on, go on.
Get out!
Ere, come back here.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
I'm warning you. Come back here,
you thieving bloody git!
Well,
what do you think, Terry?
It's all right, innit?
Well, it's not finished yet.
What, are you gonna colour it in
like that?
Well, maybe.
Do you sell 'em
or anything?
Well, a few friends are kind enough
to buy a few pieces.
Harry wants to set up
an exhibition for me,
but I don't think
I'm good enough for that.
Yeah, I do it for
relaxation mainly.
What do you do to relax?
- I hit people.
- What, really?
Well, I go down the gym,
I work out a bit.
- Get rid of the tension?
- I suppose so, yeah.
Yes...
I get very tense at times.
Don't we all?
Have you always done this sort of thing?
Looking after people.
Well, mostly, yeah.
It's all I can do, really.
- What's your relationship with Mr Daley?
- Oh, he's just a mate.
Well, he gets me a few jobs
now and again.
Funny chap.
Like a character
from the '50s, almost.
Yeah!
No, I suppose he does live
in the past a bit.
- No, he's all right, we get on well.
- Like the odd couple?
Well, I dunno about that.
Look, If you're bored
and you like exercise,
my dog could do
with her daily constitutional.
Well, yeah, if you want me to,
Lady Thompson.
- Maggie.
- Pardon?
- Call me Maggie.
- No, I couldn't do that.
Oh, please.
To tell the truth, I get awfully bored
with this sort of ladyship stuff.
Well, all right, then,
Maggie.
Arthur's gonna love that!
Some of this stuff is rubbish,
Stevie.
How do you mean,
it was dodgy?
Some of the parents
are getting a right hump.
One of them chased after me today.
No, some of the stuff
the kids bring out
is brand-new!
I mean,
'ere, look at this.
Still in the bleeding
cellophane wrapper.
No, no, no.
That is to protect it from the dust.
'Er indoors
does it all the time.
Oh,
good idea.
Now, you see,
that is what I call quality...
Hello?
What have we got here?
Blimey, Arthur!
I am not a dishonest man,
Stevie.
This will be returned to its owner...
intact.
How you gonna do that?
I don't know what kid I got it off of.
There is the man's driving licence
with his name and address.
I shall post it back to him.
Popping down the bank,
Terry?
Keep you busy, I see.
No, not really.
I volunteered.
Oh,
that's what I like to see, my son.
You being conscientious
about your work.
I'm sure her ladyship
appreciates it.
Yeah.
Maggie's all right, as it happens.
Maggie?
I hope you don't call her that to her face.
That's what she wants me
to call her.
Well, that don't seem right.
What are you doing here
anyway?
Oh, I just came to check
everything is all right. Is it?
Yeah, great.
You're right, it's a doddle.
- She's a terrific bird.
- Bird?
Terry,
ladyships are not birds,
that is definitely
out of order.
Had you, erm...
Had you doing anything else, has she?
- What, her ladyship?
- No, not that. Work.
No, not really, no.
I got to shoot, we're going shopping
this afternoon. See you later.
Er...
You don't expect us to believe this
cock and bull story, do you Terry?
I'm telling you the truth,
Mr Chisholm. Honestly.
Lady Margaret Thompson?
The magistrate?
I've been minding her for a few days,
ain't I? That's how I earn a living.
Pubs and mugs
is all you mind, Terry,
not highly respected citizens
like Lady Margaret Thompson.
Hello, darling.
Had a good day?
Darling?
Where's the young man
that's supposed to be here?
Young man, darling?
Hello, yes?
- 'Is that Mr Thompson?'
- Speaking.
'I have Detective Sergeant Chisholm
for you.'
- Detective Sergeant who?
- 'Chisholm.
Is Lady Margaret there,
please?'
Yes, she is.
What do you think we are,
idiots?
She's never heard of you
and neither has her husband.
Well, they're both lying.
You ask Arthur.
- Oh, Arthur Daley?
- Yeah, he got me the bleeding job.
Listen,
she asked me to look after the bag
while she went for a walk round,
right?
Buying things.
Well, I suppose she was buying things.
Then suddenly she wasn't there.
I thought I caught a glimpse of her
and that's when I followed her out.
It's the truth!
Did you at any time see him in the
company of another person, Mr Connors?
Not for a moment.
And was he or was he not
acting suspiciously?
- Extremely so.
- Oh, do leave off.
Which is of course
why I apprehended him.
I am not often wrong, sergeant.
I have been in this business a long time.
And there is the evidence.
Well, there you are, Terry.
Caught in the act. Fact.
And this time a concocted alibi
isn't going to get you out of it.
This is busiest part of the week
for me.
Shifting a lot of stuff.
Probably costing you money.
I really don't see the necessity
of you dragging me down here.
I've told you all I know.
Of course
I'm damn well worried!
- 'How about a nursing home?'
- Yes.
- 'She'll have to stay in, of course.'
- Yes, Doctor, I think she should.
I'm sorry, Terry, I would help you
if I could, you know that.
I don't know how you came
to think up such a story.
I...
It's that knock on the head
you had the other day?
- What knock?
- What kno...
He don't even remember!
He should be in hospital.
He's sick,
Mr Chisholm.
He shouldn't be here.
- Arthur!
- He should be in the nick.
That's where he's gonna be
very shortly.
- Will you tell him?
- No, no, no, no.
Don't upset yourself, Terry. Now
calm down. I will take care of everything.
- Psychiatrists,
- Eh?!
best medical attention.
Stand on me.
Now, how about a nice drop of bail
for the boy, Mr Chisholm?
Always one for the little joke,
weren't you, Arthur?
You let me down badly,
Arthur.
How can you say that?
I am the cruel victim of a whim of fate.
The best laid plan
of mouse and man, Harry.
- He should have stayed with her.
- Look,
I could have supported
Terry's story.
I could have told the police the truth,
but I didn't.
- I kept you out of it.
- A lot of bloody good that will do.
If that idiot gets up in court
and tells his story,
- the damage will be done.
- Look...
Whether they believe
the story or not.
Can't you have a word
with her ladyship?
Arthur, I have told you,
it is a sickness with her.
She doesn't know
she's doing it.
At least, she won't acknowledge
the fact she does.
Maybe she doesn't,
I don't know.
Thing is...
you did tell him, didn't you?
- Tell him?
- That idiot minder of yours,
you did tell him about
Lady Margaret's sickness?
- I... Yeah, yeah, sort of.
- What you mean, "sort of"?
Well, I said,
"Stick with her at all times."
God Almighty,
you haven't told him.
Look. Terry is a very funny lad.
If he thinks
- anything is slightly illegal...
- God Almighty!
But look, if he'd seen
anything happening,
he'd have done something about it,
would he, to protect himself.
I mean,
that stands to reason.
That's the bloody point
of the exercise!
If you didn't explain it to him,
how would he know what to do?
Lady Margaret's very clever
at this sort of thing.
No, no, perhaps... just perhaps...
I have made a slight tactical error.
But there is no reason
why we shouldn't sort things out
and save ourselves aggravation.
We are both resourceful men.
You know lots of influential people.
Someone high up
in the local constabulary,
word to the wise,
that sort of thing.
What was the sense
in ringing you?
Oh, be reasonable, Harry,
I can't leave Terry in it.
Harry...
Wait for me, Harry.
Oh, can I help you, guv?
Oh, that's your suit, is it?
The kid gave it to me.
I... I gave him
a goldfish for it.
Well, what can I do?
I mean, what can I do?
You could give evidence on his behalf
and say what really happened.
Nah. Nobody will take my word or Terry's
against that of the aristocracy, are they?
You can rely on me
for moral support, Arthur.
You? If it hadn't been for you
conning Terry with that motor,
at least I'd have managed to get
Chisholm to let him have bail.
Oh, be fair, Arthur,
it was me that was conned.
Terry was dropped in the mire
by both of you.
I don't know. You do your best
to try to help people and...
Oh, my good Gawd.
What's happened to you?
What do you think?
Geezer gave me
a right-hander, didn't he?
Bleeding goldfish!
Listen.
I'm innocent.
There is no way I'm gonna plead guilty
for something I didn't do.
I don't see you've got
much choice, Terry.
Oh, do leave it out.
I mean, you know I didn't do it.
All I know is that you
and your fellow conspirator here
have given me a story
that's going to be laughed out of court.
Conspirator?!
- I demand to speak to my lawyer.
- Shut it, Arthur, will you?
This is a gross breach
of human rights
and a diabolical abuse
of police power.
I wish to make a formal protest.
Arthur, I'll tell you this
once only.
You are only walking free
cos I give you licence.
I only put up with you because I am too busy
trying to capture real villains.
...
Now, you wanna make a formal complaint,
that's fine with me.
It'll be no problem to get a warrant
and take a look at the goods and chattels
you've got tucked away
in that lock-up of yours.
Take my meaning?
Well, do something.
I'm being fitted up here, ain't I?
I mean, you know Thompson,
you can prove it.
Yeah, he's right,
Mr Chisholm.
- Mr Thompson's never heard of you.
- Never heard...
Look, we grew up in the same street.
I play golf with the man.
I don't care if you claim to sleep
with him, Arthur.
When it comes to your word against his,
there's no contest.
Listen, I can subpoena him.
And his wife.
Get 'em in court, under oath,
they'll have to tell the truth.
Such touching faith!
Well... I know their house, I can describe it.
That proves I know 'em, don't it?
Oh, that's interesting. They were
burgled a couple of months ago.
Oh, do leave it out. You're not
sticking that on me an' all.
I'm just trying to point out
the facts of life to you, Terry.
And in case I'm not getting through
to you,
it goes something like this...
Lady Margaret is not only
a magistrate,
she is a well-respected and liked
member of the community,
well-known for her various good works
in the field of charity.
You, Terry,
are a nobody.
A nobody with form, at that.
Me, I'm just a hard-working cop
who likes to get through the day
with the least aggravation.
Which means I don't want to spend time
doing unnecessary paperwork,
calling unnecessary witnesses
and wasting hours in court
on what is
a cut-and-dried case.
Now, you may or may not be innocent
but frankly, I don't care.
Cos you and you, Arthur,
are well overdue for a warning.
Take my meaning?
Listen. Hold on.
Look.
- Why don't you take me to see the lady?
- Yeah, let him confront her.
I mean, I don't understand it.
She seemed so nice.
Can't do, I'm afraid, Terry.
Seems she's had some sort
of nervous breakdown.
Mr Thompson has her
in a private sanatorium,
where she is incommunicado
to the likes of you and me.
Oh,
this is ridiculous.
Well, not really.
You could look on it as a bit of a result.
I mean, that Kentish Town blag's
still on the cards, isn't it?
The thing is,
I can't drop
this hoisting charge
cos the store want to press it.
And there's no way out
from there.
So I'll tell you what I'll do.
You cop a plea
and I'll try and make it easy for you.
Leave out some of your past form...
and the verbals.
Say you've been cooperative,
what have you.
- It's the best I can do.
- That's terrific, innit?!
Every cloud
has its silver lining, Terry.
At least it means I can personally
go into the box on your behalf
as a character witness.
I swear by Almighty God that the
evidence I give shall be the truth,
the whole truth and nothing
but the truth. Stand on me.
Mr Daley... I mean,
would you please tell the court
your name, address
and occupation?
My worship, my name is
Arthur Edward Daley.
I reside
at 18 Arcadia Avenue.
That is the upmarket end of West 14,
you understand.
I am what you may call a successful
businessman and entrepreneur.
You know, imports, exports,
that sort of thing.
I also have connections
in the world of showbusiness.
And how long have you known
my client Mr McCann?
Oh, must be knocking
on seven years.
And would you say that you've got
to know him well in that time?
Terry... that is, Mr McCann...
has become a very reliable worker.
And yes, I like to think a friend in
the time that I have known him.
I think I can in all honesty say
I know the boy very well.
Would you say he was basically
an honest and trustworthy person?
Erm...
oh, without hesitation.
That isn't what his record shows,
Mr Daley.
Can not a man ever be forgiven
the mistakes of an immature past?
Can not he ever throw off the
tackles of that tyrant vice?
Must he forever
stand condemned?
Now, I wonder
if you could tell his worship
in very general terms,
you understand,
something more substantial about
Mr McCann's character and background?
Terrence McCann is one of life's
orphans, my lordship.
Orphan, Mr Daley?
I understand he lived with his parents...
No, no, no, no. No. I meant one of
life's spiritual orphans, your lordship.
I have not as yet aspired
to the High Court, Mr Daley.
'Your worship' is the correct form
of address.
Of course, your worship.
May I continue?
If you must.
When young Terrence fell under what
I might call my protective wing,
he was a young soul
in torment
with remorse and guilt
for his unbalanced past.
He was searching for a
meaning in life, a direction.
I like to think, in my own modest way
that I gave him that meaning.
I gave him that direction.
It wasn't easy.
No, no, no, no.
I will readily admit there were times
when the game was tough.
But I recognized the dangers
of a recidivist nature.
And I went through.
- Yes, I went through.
- Terry's lucky to have Arthur as a friend.
Verbal diarrhea
Trust, I gave him trust
and he respected me for it...
and became trustworthy
in return.
That boy
is a as honest as a day is long.
He sits there, a pitiful victim of an
aberration brought about temporarily...
by a blow on the head,
a cruel accident.
He see to be martyred
for that?
And he doesn't smoke
either.
Yes, that would be all and...
Thank you mr Daley.
Not at all,
your worship.
- Well, you may step down.
- Thank you, your lordship.
Terrence McCann,
will you please stand up?
Stand up, please.
Terrence McCann, you have pleaded guilty
to an offense which is unfortunately...
becoming all too common
these days.
Day after day, people like yourself
troop through this courtroom...
offering up feeble excuses
for their greed and irresponsibility.
In your case, we've been told,
this is due to a blow on the head...
but there has been no medical evidence
brought forward to support such a claim.
Theft is theft, Mcann.
And the shopkeepers of this country deserve
to be protected from thieves.
Therefore, the sentence of this court
is six months imprisonment.
However...
as you have kept out of trouble
for some time,
it will be suspended for two years.
That is to say:
if you commit any offence
within the next two years...
you will almost certainly have to serve
this sentence of six months.
So go away and
keep out of trouble.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, mr Chisholm.
What did I tell you?
What did I tell you?!
Suspended sentence, not even a fine,
that's as good as getting slung, Terry...
- I told you...
- Don't say another word. All right?
Or I'm going to forget how you saved me
from yourself all these years...
Terry, how could you, after all
I said in there on your behalf?
Now, look, you owe your freedom to me.
Make no mistake about that.
You saw his worship?
Impressed.
Impressed? It was bleeding humiliating.
Who do you think you were in there? Hamlet?
- Well...
- I thought Arthur spoke up very well.
He did you a right turn.
- Gave him a right turn more like.
- Now listen you two,
I've got a conviction for theft
down to you, right?
So if you think I'm going to be grateful
for any help you may have given me, forget it!
And, as for you, in the future,
leave me alone!
Now,
Terry, look...
No, no, no, no, just, just forget about it,
it's all over.
What we've got to think about now
is getting you a bit of work.
I didn't tell you about my scheme
for the goldfish, did I?
You know, Stevie, Stevie Taylor had a guy.
He was no good, he was wrong type.
You know what I mean?
Terry?
TERRY!
DENNIS WATERMAN:
"I Could Be So Good For You"
subtitles by Deluxe
♪ If you want to
I'll change the situation
♪ Right people right time
♪ Just the wrong location
♪ I've got a good idea
♪ Just you keep me near,
I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you,
I'm gonna help you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I'll do anything for you ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ I'll do it like you want me to
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ There ain't nothing
I can't go through ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you ♪
---
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to ♪
Come over here.
I want to show you
the sort of inspired business acumen
that makes me a winner.
Look at that.
- Goldfish.
- Goldmine, Terry. Goldmine.
I would have thought sharks
would be more in your line.
- Very droll, very droll.
- So what are you gonna do with 'em?
Put 'em in little plastic bags.
At least, you are.
I'm what?
Oh, don't worry,
you'll be on an earner.
- How big an earner?
- Oh, well that depends.
There's a bit of time and motion
to consider.
Oh,
time and motion?
Yeah, you know?
Like piece work, so much a bag.
- I think that'll be equitable.
- What are you talking about?
Well, look, you've been
to the fairground, haven't you?
Yes, Arthur,
I've been to the fairground.
And you see
in some of the booths,
they have little plastic bags
with goldfish in,
which they give away
as prizes.
- Yeah, yeah, right.
- Now, how do you think
those fish get
into those little plastic bags?
Somebody puts 'em
in the little plastic bags.
You're quick, Terry,
I'll give you that.
- Yeah, well I'm not gonna do it.
- Someone's got to.
Ain't gonna be me!
No, no, no. Look, it don't hurt 'em,
if that's what's worrying you?
I mean,
they got no nervous system.
You've never heard a trout scream
when it got caught, have you?
- Oh, leave it out, Arthur.
- Hang on, hang on.
No, look, you are being
unreasonable, Terry.
You are being
very unreasonable.
Arthur, I am not putting live goldfish
into little plastic bags.
No. It's not cruel,
if that's what's worrying you?
I got this fishmonger friend
and he told me
they like it,
being on their own.
It gives 'em sense of identity, a feeling
of tranquillity, away from the pack.
It's the crowded bowl
they don't like.
I don't know where you dream 'em up,
honest, I don't.
I mean, one minute,
they're nerveless,
the next minute,
they're all brainy and sensitive.
No, no, no. I'm not saying that,
but it's instinctive.
- Like all God's creatures.
- That's right.
And I instinctively know
I ain't gonna do it.
Look, as a personal favour for me,
Terry?
It's got nothing to do with favours,
or wages,
or whether the bleeding fish
like it or not.
- Well, what, then?
- I ain't gonna do it!
Why not?
- Well, it's...
- Well, what?
Well...
I don't like touching 'em, that's all.
All slimy and wriggly, I've just...
got a thing about it.
I don't believe it!
Hard case like you scared
of touching a goldfish.
I didn't say I was scared, did I?
I said I don't like touching 'em.
Well, well, well,
who'd have thought it?
Everybody's got a thing
about something.
You don't like rats.
Nobody don't like rats.
Rats are disliked from the off.
We are talking about a pet,
a creature of joy
and wonder to children.
I'll see you later.
Well, where are you going?
Take this back to Des.
Pick up my own motor.
He's way out
in the East End now.
- That's right.
- Listen,
supposing I throw in
a pair of rubber gloves.
They'd probably drown,
Arthur!
Bloody ingrate!
- Yeah?
- 'Is that Mr Arthur Daley?'
Yeah.
- 'This is Harry Thompson.'
- Harry who?
'Harry Thompson.
You remember.'
Harry Thompson!
- How are things with you, Harry?
- Well... I'm fine, Arthur.
- And you?
- 'Fine, fine.'
And the family?
Are they fine?
'Yeah, fine, fine.
Yours?'
- Oh, they are fine.
- 'That's fine.'
Up to the same sort of thing
these days, are you?
Oh, much the same,
expanding as ever. I never let
the grass grow under my feet, Harry.
- You know that.
- Well... that's fine.
Arthur, look, I'm sorry to ring you
out of the blue like this, but...
but I wonder
if we could arrange a meet?
'I've got a little problem I was hoping
you might help me sort out.'
Oh, always ready to help a friend,
Harry, you know that.
Erm...
business, is it?
Well, I'll explain that
when I see you.
What about this afternoon?
Say, 2:30?
'No trouble. Where?'
Well, I'm at my golf club at the
moment, the Melrose.
'Oh, yeah, yeah,
I know it well.'
Well, er...
maybe we could have a round.
Well,
why don't we have several?
- 'Several?'
- Yeah, I like a drink.
I was talking about a round of golf,
Arthur.
Oh, golf!
Golf...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, I'll see you this afternoon
in the clubhouse, 2:30.
'Yeah, I'll be there.
Bye.'
No, no. I'll be there.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know I said yesterday. The geezer
didn't bring the tyres until last night.
Yeah, all right.
Trust me!
Yeah, all right.
I'll see you in a bit.
- Ta-ra.
- Denis?
I know I promised, Terry,
but my mechanic left me.
...
- Look, I'm up to my ear
- It's been a bleeding week now.
- Every day is tomorrow.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, trust me, Terry,
it will be ready tomorrow.
You said that yesterday and the day
before that and the day before that.
Well, I haven't broken a promise,
have I?
Look, Terry, you don't want
a botched, rushed job, do you?
We may take our time here,
but that's cos we care.
A satisfied customer is more
important to me than money, Terry.
I'm sorry,
but that's the way I am.
Turn it in, will you?
You're talking to me.
You sound like Arthur.
Are you gonna fix this or what?
I only wish I could find the time,
Terry.
The thing is, I've got this meeting
and there's this bloke I'm supposed
to deliver another motor to.
Terrific, innit?
Tell you what,
we could do each other a favour.
You deliver the motor for me,
I go to my meeting,
then I'll come back here and fix
your motor for you.
- How's that sound?
- Definitely suspect.
You'll be on a drink.
10% of my 250.
25 quid for a drive.
It can't be bad, can it?
Yeah, all right, all right.
- Where is it?
- It's that motor over there.
- Hey, have you got the keys for the Luton?
- No, I left 'em in.
You berk!
It'll get nicked!
- What about the dough?
- Oh, cash on delivery.
You get from him what he owes me
and take your bit from here.
- Come on!
- That way, you're sure of getting your money.
I'd prefer it upfront.
Don't be such a worryguts,
it'll be there.
Where is it?
You know that multi-storey car park
off Mildmay Road?
Ground level,
bloke'll meet you there.
Funny place to deliver a motor,
innit?
Well, he works just across the road.
That's where he parks it.
- All right, then.
- Yeah.
And as soon as I get back,
I'll sort yours out.
Just see you do, eh?
- Smart outfit, Arthur.
- Oh, thank you, Harry.
I always say, "You respect the occasion,
the occasion will respect you."
Right, do you want to tee off,
or shall I?
Either way, Harry,
either way.
Have you played this course before?
Er...
not for a long time, no.
Right, well, I'll tee off.
Give you some idea of the line, all right?
Oh, er... what's your handicap?
Handicap!
There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm in fine shape, I tell you.
Your golf handicap,
Arthur.
Oh, golf hand-Oh...
About the same as yours, Harry.
Right, off you go.
Oops.
Well, there's something wrong
with the tee, I think, Harry.
It's, er...
not flat.
Ah,
there we are.
It is a dogleg,
the first, Harry, yes?
No, Arthur,
it's straight up the middle.
'Filter, two, two, roger.'
The thing is Arthur,
the bloke I normally employ
is on a week's holiday.
Say no more, Harry,
say no more.
I've got just the man you want
in my employ.
Young Terry McCann. Big, strong lad.
Turn his hand to anything.
Well, almost anything.
Of course, you know that
Lady Margaret sits as a magistrate?
Know?
Why, I never miss the court reports
in the local newspaper
for that very reason.
I was saying to 'er indoors
the other day, I said,
"I see Lady Margaret's been merciful to
some misguided wrongdoer again" I said.
That's very kind of you to say so,
Arthur.
And yes, she is a...
special kind of person.
Especially to me.
A wonderfully warm
human being.
And I can relate to that.
I mean, if it's in your nature
to give a helping hand to the poor
reject's of life's rich tapestry,
well, that is the way you are.
- But I do take your point.
- You do?
Well, I can see
there must be occasions
when she has to wield
the sword of justice
and send some wicked malefactor
to the nick.
One who might harbour
thoughts of revenge.
I don't quite follow you, Arthur.
Well, revenge against the
instrument of justice that sent him there.
In this case,
your good lady wife.
Well,
I didn't, erm...
Well, of course, that's the sort of thing
that could be a possibility.
Which is why you want to hire
my man. To mind her.
Well, yes.
In a way, yes, but...
it's a little bit more complicated
than that.
- Who are you?
- Who are you?
You a friend of Des?
You the geezer I've got to deliver
something to?
No, he's supposed to,
but you're sitting in it.
Yeah, well, that's got that
sorted out, hasn't it?
No, he's busy,
so he asked me to do it.
- Oh, all right. Ta, then.
- No, hold on.
- He said something about 250 quid.
- Oh, did he, now?
"Cash on delivery"
was the term he used, yeah.
That wasn't our arrangement,
squire.
Hold on, look. I'm getting a pony
for delivering this, right?
If I don't get my bit of wedge,
this goes back to where it came from.
I mean, whatever arrangements
you have with Des,
that's between you and him, innit?
Smashing.
Ta.
Well, that certainly is a problem,
Harry,
but of course,
it's just eccentricity.
I, erm...
I can rely on your discretion?
Well, I'm surprised
you have to ask that.
I'm sorry, Arthur,
I'm sure you understand.
Our position. My business.
A thing like that, you know?
Say no more, Harry,
say no more.
We are men of the world,
we understand these things,
where others might not.
As far as discretion's concerned,
I've forgotten what you told me already.
Good.
Have you done it?
- Course I've done it.
- Good.
- A promise is a promise.
- Right.
Oh, did you deliver that car
all right?
Yeah, that's all right, yeah.
How much do I owe you?
Let's see.
Labour, spare parts,
personal service.
Call it 25 quid.
- That's a coincidence, innit?
- What's a coincidence, Terry?
Never mind.
25.
Er... you don't want a receipt,
do you?
Just a minute.
Haven't you forgotten something?
No, I don't think so.
The two and a quarter from the
punter you delivered the car to.
That. No, no. He said you had a
different arrangement
and I figured it wasn't my place
to argue.
Bad payer, is he?
What you need's a good debt collector.
Now, for 25%, I'm your man.
By the way,
your big end's going.
Now, all you have to do,
you see,
if just half-fill one of these bags
with water.
Like that.
And then you just...
Well, you just take one of the fish,
pop it in the bag.
And then take one of these pins,
tack it up on that board.
Dead easy.
Why didn't you pick a fish out,
Arthur?
Allergy, Stevie. Allergy.
If any part of my body
is touched by a naked fish, bang.
All down my left side.
Very uncomfortable.
Won't go away for three weeks.
No!
- Yeah, well, I'll give it a try.
- Shh! Stevie...
'Yeah, well, I'll give it a try.'
- And how many do you want?
- Let's say 100 to start with, eh?
At, what, 10p a piece?
Oh, that's a tenner!
Shouldn't take you more than a
half-hour.
Look, say, say 200
to be getting on with.
- Do me, Arthur.
- Good, good. There you are.
When you've completed that,
we'll talk about the second phase
of the operation,
- OK?
- Right.
Stevie, any you find floating on the top,
leave them there.
I can claim on the insurance.
'It's six o'clock,
this is Dickie Arbiter.'
In an armed raid
on a post office security van today...
robbers got away with mailbags
containing registered mail...
believed to contain in the region
of ten thousand pounds.
The getaway car,
a blue ford cortina,
DYR206V
was later discovered...
not far away in Vickers road.
Police were quickly on the scene,
but the robbers had disappeared.
Police are appealing
for witnesses.
Where was you last night
and this morning?
Just a minute, Terry.
I don't think the young lady I was with
would care for me to discuss
the details with you.
Don't give me any of that crap.
You've been keeping out of my way.
Why would I do that? Your motor
is running all right, isn't it?
It's not my motor
I'm worried about.
That was a right diabolical stroke
you pulled on me!
Stroke? I don't know what you're
talking about.
I'm gonna lose my temper in a minute!
Just a minute, Terry,
no need for violence.
I think I know
what you're on about.
And I had no idea that car
was being used for a robbery.
It was a ringer
and you bloody rung it!
Terry, I swear to you...
The plates on that car were the same
as when I received it.
First I knew about it was
when I read it in the papers
- this morning.
- You're a liar!
Oh, here you are.
I've been looking all over for you.
Why are you holding Des
like that?
- So I can give him a good hiding!
- Oh, yeah?
Terry, come on. There's no need
to take that attitude.
You must think I'm right mug
standing for this.
- My dabs will be all over that motor.
- Dabs? Dabs? What you on about?
This little bastard conned me
into delivering a motor
and guess what - it was a ringer
and it was used in a robbery yesterday.
Not the mailbag thing?
Exactly, and my fingerprints
will be all over it.
Des, that wasn't very nice.
Well, I don't want to be nice, Arthur,
I just want to be rich.
- You want to...
- A joke, a joke, Terry!
Arthur, tell him, would I do
a thing like that?
Probably.
Arthur, don't play silly,
cos this is serious!
Bloody right,
it's a serious.
All right, Terrence,
but what are you gonna do about it?
Simple.
I'm gonna go down the local nick
and tell 'em how I happened
to be in that motor.
- No, no.
- Why not?
Because you'd be grassing on a
friend.
Friend?
If you're a friend, Gawd help us
if someone don't like me.
Yeah, yeah. But you will be grassing,
Terry, and you are not a grass.
I don't believe this!
Do you mean I've got to look forward
to 15 years' bird
just so he can earn a poxy
two and a half hundred?
Well, two and a quarter, Terry. There was
your comission, don't forget that.
Oh, my God, this is unreal!
- Arthur, I swear on my mother's life...
- She's dead!
Well, I still swear I had nothing to do
with it. I didn't know nothing about it.
He was a passing punter.
He asked me to fix the engine,
then he rung me up
and asked me to deliver it.
He said
his name is Smith.
- Smith?
- Well, he said his name was Smith.
Well, that's all you need
to tell the Old Bill, innit?
Don't be ridiculous,
Terry.
- Who'd believe a story like that?
- I'm supposed to!
Well, not the coppers. You know
what a distrusting lot they are.
I don't know, what are you worrying about?
They'll have rubbed the prints off anyway.
They were a professional mob.
They were bound to have worn gloves.
Yeah, all right,
they were wearing gloves.
I should have known
when I saw him with them on.
Yeah, yeah.
He's right, Terry.
I mean, they won't have touched anything
you didn't touch, unless you crawled all over it.
Well, no, I just suppose
I just touched the door and a...
- bit of the controls.
- Well, there you are.
The radio - which, incidentally,
was tuned into a police frequency.
Well, I don't know anything about that.
The engine was all I fixed.
You see? They'll have turned it back,
rubbed your dabs off.
- Bit of luck, you'll be all right.
- Bit of luck?!
No, no, no. Look, if the worst comes
to the worst, you can say you were with me.
Wait a minute, you must have been
somewhere. So you've got an alibi.
No, I haven't.
I was on my own when it all went off.
All right. You was with me. At the
Winchester. We'll get Dave to support you.
- You've got nothing to worry about.
- He's right, Terry.
Anyway, we've got more important
things to discuss.
What's more important than getting
my collar felt for a blag I didn't do?
Work.
And I'll see you again an' all!
Work, Terry. Lucrative
and very simple work.
- Not thouse bleeding gold fish?
- No, no, no, no.
Not a gold fish. And there is
nothing wrong with a gold fish.
Could be a good friend.
Loyal, trusty, quiet.
A nice thing about them,
if they start to give you an amp,
you always can splush them
down the toilet.
Come on.
Oh. Don't do that!
Yeah, he was a mate of mine when we both
started out on life's rich adventure.
And, like me,
he's done very well for himself.
Builder. You know,
office blocks, that sort of thing.
Millionaire,
I shouldn't wonder.
And he's married
into the aristocracy.
Lady Margaret Thompson,
that's who you'll be looking after.
Bit of class, Terry.
- She a mate an' all?
- Erm... well, no, no,
we haven't actually met.
But she is gentry, Terry,
so you watch your manners.
Yeah, I'll try and remember
to tug my forelock now and then.
What am I looking after her for
anyway?
Well, she's a...
magistrate.
A magistrate?
Well, that don't make
no difference, do it?
Well, there is a chance I may have appeared
before her on some distant occasion.
No, no, no chance of that. She's only
been doing it for about two years.
And with your whack 20 quid a day,
you should complain?
- Well, what are you on a day?
- Me? No, nothing.
The man's a friend, Terry.
I couldn't stripe him.
Well, a small commission, you know?
Nothing more.
- Don't amount to a drink.
- No.
Anyway,
it'll be a doddle.
All you've got to do
is be around during the day,
perhaps to the odd job, drive her about
if she wants to go somewhere.
Escort her shopping, carry her bags,
that sort of thing.
Sounds exciting.
How long's it for?
Oh, no more than a week.
Till the other geezer gets back.
And you don't have to start
till Monday.
- Harry?
- Hello, Arthur.
This is the boy I was telling you about,
Harry. Sound as they come.
Terry, Mr Thompson.
- Hello, Terry.
- Mr Thompson.
Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you
like this, Terry.
- I must say, you look capable enough.
- Oh, he is, he is, Harry.
I suppose Arthur's told you
what your duties will be?
- More or less, yeah.
- The shopping and everything?
Yeah, don't worry, Harry,
I told him the full SP.
And Terry is totally trustworthy
and discreet.
Well, I won't be around on Monday
myself,
but I'll inform Lady Margaret
to expect you early on.
I will personally accompany him
to introduce myself and all that,
you know?
Yeah, well,
as you will.
Just wait in the car a minute,
will you, Terry?
I... I want to get
the address from Harry.
Harry, about the fee. There'll be
some upfront expenses, you know?
Yeah, of course.
How much are you expecting?
Well, it's 50 quid a day.
Say 200 now
and the rest when the job's done?
Yeah, that's all right.
Come in and I'll give you a cheque.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Cash, if you could, Harry.
Haven't changed,
have you, Arthur?
- It's totting!
- It is not totting.
You'll be in a modern Transit,
not riding a horse and cart.
You'll be handing out lavish gifts,
pets to treasure for years.
You'll be Father Christmas
every day.
There's more to life than nicking
a few quid, Stevie. Take it from me.
I'm beginning to think
I am, Arthur.
...
...
Quality second-hand clothes
is what I'm after.
Old clothes for fish!
Old clothes for fish!
Old clothes for fish!
Old clothes for fish!
- Simple psychology, innit?
- Psychology?
Kids love goldfish,
don't they?
And they'll soon learn they've got to come up
with some good clobber if they want one,
which I then sell in a second-hand clothes
shop I've just bought an interest in.
The fish only set me back 15p a go.
That includes packaging and water.
That's a bit strong, Arthur.
You're exploiting them kids.
No, no, no, no, not exploitation,
no, no, no.
No. The kids all be happy
and I'll be happy.
That's not exploitation.
That's business.
Would you like one,
Dave?
No, thanks.
I've got a cat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, all right.
Keep it down.
Plenty of fish for everyone!
Plenty of fish for everyone!
Keep it down. All right.
That's lovely, thank you very much.
Here we are.
Keep the noise down.
Here are some fish.
KEEP THE NOISE DOWN!
There we are, there's your fish.
Oh, that's a nice one, son.
Here, I'll have that, that's lovely.
Thank you very much.
Plenty of fish for everyone.
So that's all right about Terry,
then, eh?
- OK. He was in here with you.
- It won't come to anything, I'm sure.
What the bloody hell
is happening?
What's all this about?
Terry, Terry,
I never would have thought it of you.
All right, all right.
Bang to rights, I'm afraid,
Terry.
Do leave off, I had nothing to do with it.
You know that ain't my game.
I don't know anything of the sort,
do I, Terry?
You've got form for violence,
you mix with a lot of villains.
I was down the Winchester
when it happened.
How do you know
when it happened?
I heard it on the radio.
Oh, I see, and you just happened
to remember the time?
Yeah, and it was in the papers.
Terry, we've got your prints
on one of the getaway cars...
now how are you going
to explain that?
I don't know.
God, I'm in and out of loads
of different motors.
Especially since mine's
been in dock.
Okay.
So, do you know
where the blue cortina?
Well...
I found I can't think of anyone.
I mean, you don't remember all the cars
you've been given a lifting, do you?
Well, then you'll just have to make
a list of every person you've had a lift
- with in the last couple of weeks.
- Oh, I can't remember them all.
Then you're in serious trouble
my son.
Look, all you've got to do is check with
Arthur Daley and David of Winchester.
Oh, I intend to.
I intend to, Terry.
I don't know, mr Chisholm.
Tuesday afternoon you say?
Between four
and five o'clock.
Dave, I wasn't in here at that time
on tuesday afternoon, was I?
Yeah, yeah, you were Arthur.
Don't you remember. It was like
me, you and Terry.
We were standing right there,
discussing the exchange
and mark game
the special reference to goldfish.
Oh, yes, yes,
you're quite correct Dave, yes.
Yes, I was with Terry
all afternoon.
His motor was in dock and I was
running him around, you know.
I didn't ask you where Terry was
all afternoon, so why mention him?
Well, Dave mentioned Terry and
I just remembered I was with him.
Is it Terry you're interested in,
Sarge?
He's not in any trouble is he,
Mr Chisholm?
I think it's only right
you should tell me if he is.
He may need a lawyer.
I have a very special affection
for that boy.
You know he's
an innocent at heart.
I wouldn't like to see him get
into any trouble.
Exactly, Arthur.
What do you mean?
- What do you think?
- Hard to say, guv.
Could be right, I suppose.
Except Judas Iscariot is the epitome of truth
and honesty compared to Arthur Daley.
Well, that print was on the outside
of the motor, guv.
That wouldn't stand up in court.
Anyone can put their hand on a motor
just in passing, can't they?
What did I tell you?
No trouble. No trouble at all.
- The geezer still thinks I'm involved.
- Look, you're on the street,
you've got your liberty,
down to me.
Don't you forget it.
A friend in need.
I've lost nearly two days
of my liberty up in there,
being got at by Chisholm.
And what for?
To keep Des out of it.
So just don't talk to me
about friends in need, all right?
Mr Daley?
Mr Daley, what about my fee?
- Your what?
- My 100 guineas.
100 guineas? Just for showing your face?
That's a bit strong, innit?
And negotiating Mr McCann's release.
Cheap at half the price.
Yeah, you're right.
I'll see you get half the price.
At least the dog responsible will.
Terry, if I had the money,
you could have it,
but I haven't got it.
Des, I'm trying to be nice.
Now, if you could contact Mr Smith
and recover my two and a quarter,
which you should have got in the
first place, you could have it. Willingly.
One of these days,
I'll smack you in the mouth.
- All right! All right!
- Now, just pay the man!
Sorry about this, Mr Knight.
100 guineas.
50.
Could I have a receipt,
please?
Now, Terry, remember what I said,
best behaviour, right?
Look, if she wants to go anywhere,
you go with her.
You accompany her even if it's
just shopping or something like that.
And the rest of the time,
be about the place, do the odd job.
All right, I come from good peasant stock,
I know my position in life.
There is no need for that attitude,
Terry.
It's just that the gentry are
different from the likes of you and...
well, from the likes of you.
Say it again.
Born into money and privilege,
living off the backs of the likes of me
and people like you keep 'em there.
Terry!
Remember where you are.
Good God,
Harrods is only just round the corner.
I'm shocked, Terry.
Truly shocked.
That is the kind of thinking
that undermines our great nation.
I don't know where you get
such ideas from.
I thought you only read
the sports pages.
Come on, ring the bell.
Mustn't keep Lady Margaret Thompson
waiting, must we?
Why couldn't you wear a tie?
Maybe we ought to prostrate ourselves
on the front doorstep.
Stand up straight.
Shouldn't we use
the tradesman's entrance?
Lady Margaret Thompson?
Yes.
If you don't mind waiting in here for a moment
while I turn my gas cylinders off.
Thank you, your ladyship.
Help yourself to a drink if you want one.
I won't be long.
Thank you, ma'am.
Gas cylinders?
Welding goggles?
Listen, I hope this ain't some kind
of loon you've got me webbed up with.
No, no, not a loon, Terry.
A little on the eccentric side, maybe.
- Did you see her bleeding daisies?
- Yeah, but you must realise,
the upper class don't suffer the same
inhibitions as your lower orders, do they?
I mean, assurance, poise, it's bred
in 'em, innit? It's in the blood.
Nice.
Very nice.
Well, let's avail ourselves
of her ladyship's hospitality, shall we?
Cor! The original Napoleon,
I shouldn't wonder.
- You want some?
- No, no thanks, no.
Good boy. No boozing on the job.
Very professional.
Very good for the image.
Working with top people here,
Terry.
No telling where it might lead
if you do a good job.
Whole new class
of clientele.
Influence and power in high places,
democracy at work, my son.
Do shut up, Arthur.
None of your bolshie
fanaticism here, my boy.
Bolshie fanaticism, Mr Daley?
What are you talking about?
Oh, my ladyship, I was just telling
my man here... Terrence.
..about the dangers
of leftist lunatics
in this great country of ours,
ma'am.
Good God.
You sound like an Express editorial.
Thank you, ma'am.
I must tell you gentlemen
straight away that...
my husband has an overprotective
attitude towards me.
It's totally unwarranted
and I only wish
I could persuade him that it's
unnecessary, but I can't.
I'm sure he only has your ladyship's
interests at heart, ma'am.
Were you ever a butler,
Mr Daley?
Butler? Me?
No, I suppose not.
Pity.
You seem to have
all the requirements.
Old clothes for fish!
Tommy, you come back here
right this minute!
Tommy!
That's your father's best suit.
Tommy!
Come here, you...
I'll give you...
...
Oi! Hang on!
I want a word with you,
you slimy bastard.
...
Here, go on, go on, go on.
Get out!
Ere, come back here.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
I'm warning you. Come back here,
you thieving bloody git!
Well,
what do you think, Terry?
It's all right, innit?
Well, it's not finished yet.
What, are you gonna colour it in
like that?
Well, maybe.
Do you sell 'em
or anything?
Well, a few friends are kind enough
to buy a few pieces.
Harry wants to set up
an exhibition for me,
but I don't think
I'm good enough for that.
Yeah, I do it for
relaxation mainly.
What do you do to relax?
- I hit people.
- What, really?
Well, I go down the gym,
I work out a bit.
- Get rid of the tension?
- I suppose so, yeah.
Yes...
I get very tense at times.
Don't we all?
Have you always done this sort of thing?
Looking after people.
Well, mostly, yeah.
It's all I can do, really.
- What's your relationship with Mr Daley?
- Oh, he's just a mate.
Well, he gets me a few jobs
now and again.
Funny chap.
Like a character
from the '50s, almost.
Yeah!
No, I suppose he does live
in the past a bit.
- No, he's all right, we get on well.
- Like the odd couple?
Well, I dunno about that.
Look, If you're bored
and you like exercise,
my dog could do
with her daily constitutional.
Well, yeah, if you want me to,
Lady Thompson.
- Maggie.
- Pardon?
- Call me Maggie.
- No, I couldn't do that.
Oh, please.
To tell the truth, I get awfully bored
with this sort of ladyship stuff.
Well, all right, then,
Maggie.
Arthur's gonna love that!
Some of this stuff is rubbish,
Stevie.
How do you mean,
it was dodgy?
Some of the parents
are getting a right hump.
One of them chased after me today.
No, some of the stuff
the kids bring out
is brand-new!
I mean,
'ere, look at this.
Still in the bleeding
cellophane wrapper.
No, no, no.
That is to protect it from the dust.
'Er indoors
does it all the time.
Oh,
good idea.
Now, you see,
that is what I call quality...
Hello?
What have we got here?
Blimey, Arthur!
I am not a dishonest man,
Stevie.
This will be returned to its owner...
intact.
How you gonna do that?
I don't know what kid I got it off of.
There is the man's driving licence
with his name and address.
I shall post it back to him.
Popping down the bank,
Terry?
Keep you busy, I see.
No, not really.
I volunteered.
Oh,
that's what I like to see, my son.
You being conscientious
about your work.
I'm sure her ladyship
appreciates it.
Yeah.
Maggie's all right, as it happens.
Maggie?
I hope you don't call her that to her face.
That's what she wants me
to call her.
Well, that don't seem right.
What are you doing here
anyway?
Oh, I just came to check
everything is all right. Is it?
Yeah, great.
You're right, it's a doddle.
- She's a terrific bird.
- Bird?
Terry,
ladyships are not birds,
that is definitely
out of order.
Had you, erm...
Had you doing anything else, has she?
- What, her ladyship?
- No, not that. Work.
No, not really, no.
I got to shoot, we're going shopping
this afternoon. See you later.
Er...
You don't expect us to believe this
cock and bull story, do you Terry?
I'm telling you the truth,
Mr Chisholm. Honestly.
Lady Margaret Thompson?
The magistrate?
I've been minding her for a few days,
ain't I? That's how I earn a living.
Pubs and mugs
is all you mind, Terry,
not highly respected citizens
like Lady Margaret Thompson.
Hello, darling.
Had a good day?
Darling?
Where's the young man
that's supposed to be here?
Young man, darling?
Hello, yes?
- 'Is that Mr Thompson?'
- Speaking.
'I have Detective Sergeant Chisholm
for you.'
- Detective Sergeant who?
- 'Chisholm.
Is Lady Margaret there,
please?'
Yes, she is.
What do you think we are,
idiots?
She's never heard of you
and neither has her husband.
Well, they're both lying.
You ask Arthur.
- Oh, Arthur Daley?
- Yeah, he got me the bleeding job.
Listen,
she asked me to look after the bag
while she went for a walk round,
right?
Buying things.
Well, I suppose she was buying things.
Then suddenly she wasn't there.
I thought I caught a glimpse of her
and that's when I followed her out.
It's the truth!
Did you at any time see him in the
company of another person, Mr Connors?
Not for a moment.
And was he or was he not
acting suspiciously?
- Extremely so.
- Oh, do leave off.
Which is of course
why I apprehended him.
I am not often wrong, sergeant.
I have been in this business a long time.
And there is the evidence.
Well, there you are, Terry.
Caught in the act. Fact.
And this time a concocted alibi
isn't going to get you out of it.
This is busiest part of the week
for me.
Shifting a lot of stuff.
Probably costing you money.
I really don't see the necessity
of you dragging me down here.
I've told you all I know.
Of course
I'm damn well worried!
- 'How about a nursing home?'
- Yes.
- 'She'll have to stay in, of course.'
- Yes, Doctor, I think she should.
I'm sorry, Terry, I would help you
if I could, you know that.
I don't know how you came
to think up such a story.
I...
It's that knock on the head
you had the other day?
- What knock?
- What kno...
He don't even remember!
He should be in hospital.
He's sick,
Mr Chisholm.
He shouldn't be here.
- Arthur!
- He should be in the nick.
That's where he's gonna be
very shortly.
- Will you tell him?
- No, no, no, no.
Don't upset yourself, Terry. Now
calm down. I will take care of everything.
- Psychiatrists,
- Eh?!
best medical attention.
Stand on me.
Now, how about a nice drop of bail
for the boy, Mr Chisholm?
Always one for the little joke,
weren't you, Arthur?
You let me down badly,
Arthur.
How can you say that?
I am the cruel victim of a whim of fate.
The best laid plan
of mouse and man, Harry.
- He should have stayed with her.
- Look,
I could have supported
Terry's story.
I could have told the police the truth,
but I didn't.
- I kept you out of it.
- A lot of bloody good that will do.
If that idiot gets up in court
and tells his story,
- the damage will be done.
- Look...
Whether they believe
the story or not.
Can't you have a word
with her ladyship?
Arthur, I have told you,
it is a sickness with her.
She doesn't know
she's doing it.
At least, she won't acknowledge
the fact she does.
Maybe she doesn't,
I don't know.
Thing is...
you did tell him, didn't you?
- Tell him?
- That idiot minder of yours,
you did tell him about
Lady Margaret's sickness?
- I... Yeah, yeah, sort of.
- What you mean, "sort of"?
Well, I said,
"Stick with her at all times."
God Almighty,
you haven't told him.
Look. Terry is a very funny lad.
If he thinks
- anything is slightly illegal...
- God Almighty!
But look, if he'd seen
anything happening,
he'd have done something about it,
would he, to protect himself.
I mean,
that stands to reason.
That's the bloody point
of the exercise!
If you didn't explain it to him,
how would he know what to do?
Lady Margaret's very clever
at this sort of thing.
No, no, perhaps... just perhaps...
I have made a slight tactical error.
But there is no reason
why we shouldn't sort things out
and save ourselves aggravation.
We are both resourceful men.
You know lots of influential people.
Someone high up
in the local constabulary,
word to the wise,
that sort of thing.
What was the sense
in ringing you?
Oh, be reasonable, Harry,
I can't leave Terry in it.
Harry...
Wait for me, Harry.
Oh, can I help you, guv?
Oh, that's your suit, is it?
The kid gave it to me.
I... I gave him
a goldfish for it.
Well, what can I do?
I mean, what can I do?
You could give evidence on his behalf
and say what really happened.
Nah. Nobody will take my word or Terry's
against that of the aristocracy, are they?
You can rely on me
for moral support, Arthur.
You? If it hadn't been for you
conning Terry with that motor,
at least I'd have managed to get
Chisholm to let him have bail.
Oh, be fair, Arthur,
it was me that was conned.
Terry was dropped in the mire
by both of you.
I don't know. You do your best
to try to help people and...
Oh, my good Gawd.
What's happened to you?
What do you think?
Geezer gave me
a right-hander, didn't he?
Bleeding goldfish!
Listen.
I'm innocent.
There is no way I'm gonna plead guilty
for something I didn't do.
I don't see you've got
much choice, Terry.
Oh, do leave it out.
I mean, you know I didn't do it.
All I know is that you
and your fellow conspirator here
have given me a story
that's going to be laughed out of court.
Conspirator?!
- I demand to speak to my lawyer.
- Shut it, Arthur, will you?
This is a gross breach
of human rights
and a diabolical abuse
of police power.
I wish to make a formal protest.
Arthur, I'll tell you this
once only.
You are only walking free
cos I give you licence.
I only put up with you because I am too busy
trying to capture real villains.
...
Now, you wanna make a formal complaint,
that's fine with me.
It'll be no problem to get a warrant
and take a look at the goods and chattels
you've got tucked away
in that lock-up of yours.
Take my meaning?
Well, do something.
I'm being fitted up here, ain't I?
I mean, you know Thompson,
you can prove it.
Yeah, he's right,
Mr Chisholm.
- Mr Thompson's never heard of you.
- Never heard...
Look, we grew up in the same street.
I play golf with the man.
I don't care if you claim to sleep
with him, Arthur.
When it comes to your word against his,
there's no contest.
Listen, I can subpoena him.
And his wife.
Get 'em in court, under oath,
they'll have to tell the truth.
Such touching faith!
Well... I know their house, I can describe it.
That proves I know 'em, don't it?
Oh, that's interesting. They were
burgled a couple of months ago.
Oh, do leave it out. You're not
sticking that on me an' all.
I'm just trying to point out
the facts of life to you, Terry.
And in case I'm not getting through
to you,
it goes something like this...
Lady Margaret is not only
a magistrate,
she is a well-respected and liked
member of the community,
well-known for her various good works
in the field of charity.
You, Terry,
are a nobody.
A nobody with form, at that.
Me, I'm just a hard-working cop
who likes to get through the day
with the least aggravation.
Which means I don't want to spend time
doing unnecessary paperwork,
calling unnecessary witnesses
and wasting hours in court
on what is
a cut-and-dried case.
Now, you may or may not be innocent
but frankly, I don't care.
Cos you and you, Arthur,
are well overdue for a warning.
Take my meaning?
Listen. Hold on.
Look.
- Why don't you take me to see the lady?
- Yeah, let him confront her.
I mean, I don't understand it.
She seemed so nice.
Can't do, I'm afraid, Terry.
Seems she's had some sort
of nervous breakdown.
Mr Thompson has her
in a private sanatorium,
where she is incommunicado
to the likes of you and me.
Oh,
this is ridiculous.
Well, not really.
You could look on it as a bit of a result.
I mean, that Kentish Town blag's
still on the cards, isn't it?
The thing is,
I can't drop
this hoisting charge
cos the store want to press it.
And there's no way out
from there.
So I'll tell you what I'll do.
You cop a plea
and I'll try and make it easy for you.
Leave out some of your past form...
and the verbals.
Say you've been cooperative,
what have you.
- It's the best I can do.
- That's terrific, innit?!
Every cloud
has its silver lining, Terry.
At least it means I can personally
go into the box on your behalf
as a character witness.
I swear by Almighty God that the
evidence I give shall be the truth,
the whole truth and nothing
but the truth. Stand on me.
Mr Daley... I mean,
would you please tell the court
your name, address
and occupation?
My worship, my name is
Arthur Edward Daley.
I reside
at 18 Arcadia Avenue.
That is the upmarket end of West 14,
you understand.
I am what you may call a successful
businessman and entrepreneur.
You know, imports, exports,
that sort of thing.
I also have connections
in the world of showbusiness.
And how long have you known
my client Mr McCann?
Oh, must be knocking
on seven years.
And would you say that you've got
to know him well in that time?
Terry... that is, Mr McCann...
has become a very reliable worker.
And yes, I like to think a friend in
the time that I have known him.
I think I can in all honesty say
I know the boy very well.
Would you say he was basically
an honest and trustworthy person?
Erm...
oh, without hesitation.
That isn't what his record shows,
Mr Daley.
Can not a man ever be forgiven
the mistakes of an immature past?
Can not he ever throw off the
tackles of that tyrant vice?
Must he forever
stand condemned?
Now, I wonder
if you could tell his worship
in very general terms,
you understand,
something more substantial about
Mr McCann's character and background?
Terrence McCann is one of life's
orphans, my lordship.
Orphan, Mr Daley?
I understand he lived with his parents...
No, no, no, no. No. I meant one of
life's spiritual orphans, your lordship.
I have not as yet aspired
to the High Court, Mr Daley.
'Your worship' is the correct form
of address.
Of course, your worship.
May I continue?
If you must.
When young Terrence fell under what
I might call my protective wing,
he was a young soul
in torment
with remorse and guilt
for his unbalanced past.
He was searching for a
meaning in life, a direction.
I like to think, in my own modest way
that I gave him that meaning.
I gave him that direction.
It wasn't easy.
No, no, no, no.
I will readily admit there were times
when the game was tough.
But I recognized the dangers
of a recidivist nature.
And I went through.
- Yes, I went through.
- Terry's lucky to have Arthur as a friend.
Verbal diarrhea
Trust, I gave him trust
and he respected me for it...
and became trustworthy
in return.
That boy
is a as honest as a day is long.
He sits there, a pitiful victim of an
aberration brought about temporarily...
by a blow on the head,
a cruel accident.
He see to be martyred
for that?
And he doesn't smoke
either.
Yes, that would be all and...
Thank you mr Daley.
Not at all,
your worship.
- Well, you may step down.
- Thank you, your lordship.
Terrence McCann,
will you please stand up?
Stand up, please.
Terrence McCann, you have pleaded guilty
to an offense which is unfortunately...
becoming all too common
these days.
Day after day, people like yourself
troop through this courtroom...
offering up feeble excuses
for their greed and irresponsibility.
In your case, we've been told,
this is due to a blow on the head...
but there has been no medical evidence
brought forward to support such a claim.
Theft is theft, Mcann.
And the shopkeepers of this country deserve
to be protected from thieves.
Therefore, the sentence of this court
is six months imprisonment.
However...
as you have kept out of trouble
for some time,
it will be suspended for two years.
That is to say:
if you commit any offence
within the next two years...
you will almost certainly have to serve
this sentence of six months.
So go away and
keep out of trouble.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, mr Chisholm.
What did I tell you?
What did I tell you?!
Suspended sentence, not even a fine,
that's as good as getting slung, Terry...
- I told you...
- Don't say another word. All right?
Or I'm going to forget how you saved me
from yourself all these years...
Terry, how could you, after all
I said in there on your behalf?
Now, look, you owe your freedom to me.
Make no mistake about that.
You saw his worship?
Impressed.
Impressed? It was bleeding humiliating.
Who do you think you were in there? Hamlet?
- Well...
- I thought Arthur spoke up very well.
He did you a right turn.
- Gave him a right turn more like.
- Now listen you two,
I've got a conviction for theft
down to you, right?
So if you think I'm going to be grateful
for any help you may have given me, forget it!
And, as for you, in the future,
leave me alone!
Now,
Terry, look...
No, no, no, no, just, just forget about it,
it's all over.
What we've got to think about now
is getting you a bit of work.
I didn't tell you about my scheme
for the goldfish, did I?
You know, Stevie, Stevie Taylor had a guy.
He was no good, he was wrong type.
You know what I mean?
Terry?
TERRY!
DENNIS WATERMAN:
"I Could Be So Good For You"
subtitles by Deluxe
♪ If you want to
I'll change the situation
♪ Right people right time
♪ Just the wrong location
♪ I've got a good idea
♪ Just you keep me near,
I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you,
I'm gonna help you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I'll do anything for you ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ I'll do it like you want me to
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ There ain't nothing
I can't go through ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you ♪