Mike & Molly (2010–2016): Season 6, Episode 10 - Baby Bump - full transcript

Previously on Mike & Molly...

This is Frannie.

Former student of mine.

- She's homeless.
- And pregnant.

And she's telling us
how she robs cars.

You're gonna come home with me,

and you can stay there
until we figure this out.

God, no, no, you-you
don't have to do that.

I certainly am not gonna

put you out on the street
to raise a baby.

Oh, I'm-I'm not
keeping the baby.



I'm giving it up.

Oh.

I want it to have a safe home

and a chance at a good life.

I'll take it.

I'll take that baby.

Oof, good dinner, Ma.

Sorry about the slim pickin's.

Slim pickin's?

It's like a Vegas buffet.

The only thing missing
is Wayne Newton.

I can pop in his 8-track.

Uh, dinner without
the show is fine.

Ma, we just didn't
come over for food.



We, uh, we have some news.

Oh, no, did my doctor call you?

What?

He said my stool sample
was fine,

but I know there was something
fishy about it.

On top of that, the bastard
wouldn't even give me back

my Tupperware container.

Aw.

Ma, you got to stop
taking in samples

- unless the doctor asks for them.
- Okay.

Can we please get off

this topic forever?

And get back to our news.

Here.

Open this. I think you're going
to be very happy.

What the hell are you doing?

I just want to catch
your reaction, Ma.

Oh, great,
now I got to act happy?

Oh, wonderful, a dog toy.

Thank you, the dog will love it.

No, no, no, no, no.

It is not a dog toy.

Well, I'm not gonna chew on it.

But who is gonna chew on it?

Oh, my God,
did you get me another dog?

All right, let's go about this
another way.

Molly and I are gonna be
shopping for diapers soon.

So my doctor did call.

I give up.

Okay, the diapers
are not for you,

they're for a baby, okay?

And that's a rattle for a baby

because we're adopting
a baby, a human baby.

You're gonna be a grandma.

She's starting to track it.

Or she's having a stroke.

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna be a grandma?

I'm gonna be a grandma!

♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪

♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪

♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

♪ I see love ♪

♪ I see love ♪

♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

♪ I see love ♪

Oh, my God.

Mike, are you seeing this?

I didn't see it.
I didn't see anything.

Well, uh, sweetie,
Frannie's fully-clothed.

Come on,
it's just my belly.

I see yours every time
you reach up into the cupboard.

Very funny.

Wow!

That is cool!

So, there's the baby's head.

Ooh, you've got
a cute little pea head!

And those are its knees
curled to its chest.

It looks like he's gonna cannonball out of the there.

Everybody out of
the splash zone.

It's gonna be a mess!

Ew.

Ew.

Okay, I, I do see, how you t...

I'm sorry.
That was disgusting.

So, uh, do you
want to know the sex?

- Absolutely.
- No.

Oh, come on.

No, Mike, I want
to be surprised.

Okay, well, then-then
she can just tell me.

No, because if I know you know,
it's gonna make me crazy

and then I'll drive you crazy
because I know you know.

- I know.
- So no.

Okay.

Well, I will say...

that he or she is
a very healthy-looking baby,

and appears to be
right on schedule.

Great. So, we're still on
for the 15th?

Oh, give or take a few days.

Good. 'Cause my job in Portland
starts on the 19th.

My friend's band is playing

and I'm handing out flyers
and dancing on a speaker.

Wait, is
that the great job opportunity

you were talking about
after the baby?

Twerking on a amp
for a grunge band?

Uh, no, they're
actually death metal.

Oh.

And they're starting

their Pacific Northwest tour,

so I'm getting in there
on the ground floor.

That's probably also where
you'll be sleeping.

No.

No, they said I could
sleep in the van.

Oh, well... great.

Young girl sleeping in a van
behind a seedy bar.

Cool.

Okay.

We got beets for vitamin C,
leeks for vitamin K,

radishes for calcium,

and a banana so you can bring
yourself to choke it all down.

Wow, uh, it's like licking
the bottom of a lawn mower.

Oh, come on, it is not that bad.

Mmm.

Vitaminy.

Hey, is that a smoothie?

Yeah, packed with everything
good for you.

Ooh, thanks for the heads up.

Ms. Flynn is making sure
the baby eats healthy.

Unfortunately,
I am the delivery system.

Ha-ha!

Hey, where's my half
a cheesesteak?

I went through the fridge

and got rid of all
the unhealthy stuff.

And by "got rid of" you mean...

It's gone, Mike.

Ha-ha!

I think I'm going
to go take a nap.

Okay, well, if you want
a snack, let me know.

I made you chocolate pudding
with avocados and cacao.

I'll set it out
so it actually turns brown.

Ha-ha!

You know what? I'm good.

I actually
got at Mike's cheesesteak

before the trash went out.

Just say it.

Ha-ha!

What... I'm... kind of
worried about her.

Why? The cheesesteak
was wrapped in foil.

Plus, it's always
better the second day.

No, I'm talking about

what Frannie's gonna do
after the baby.

What do you mean?

She's got
that big Portland plan.

Sleeping in the creepy van?

I mean,
what are we supposed to do,

wait around for till someone
knocks her on the head

and makes a suit
out of her skin?

I mean, 'cause that's
where my mind goes.

Boy, you go to some dark places.

You wouldn't last a day in here.

Listen,

Frannie's already said
she doesn't want to live with us,

so the best thing we can do is
support her crazy choices.

Yeah, but what if she ends up
pregnant again?

Then we fly her back home and get
our hands on another baby.

No.

We're gonna do the right thing
and help Frannie figure out

a better plan
for after the baby.

After that,
if she ends up knocked up,

then we're clean and we're on
to baby number two.

We're good people.

- We really are.
- Ah.

Where'd you get that?
I thought we were out of donuts.

Oh, I got it earlier.

I'm saving it for later.

You can't save it for later.

Who says?

Donut protocol.

You either eat it at the time,

or you leave it
for someone else to take.

But I wasn't hungry
when I took it.

Then you shouldn't
have taken it.

But I know I'm gonna
want it later.

Then you roll the dice

and hope that it's there later.

But it wouldn't be there later.

Exactly. Because
someone wants it.

Donut protocol.

Do you want it?

Of course I want it!

But I'm eating healthy.

Why do you think
I'm so mad about it?

Mike?

Oh, hey, Mol, how you doing?

Yeah.

I think I've got the answer
to our problems.

Frannie's got an older sister.

What? That's great.

How come she never mentioned it?

Well, I sense from
the letter that, you know,

they're not exactly
on speaking terms.

Wait, the sister
sent you a letter?

No, Frannie about a year ago.

And Frannie let you
read the letter?

Well, she didn't let me
not read it.

Wait, something's not
adding up here.

Yeah, who just leaves
a letter lying around?

I don't know, I... it could've
been laying on the desk.

It could've been in
a duffel bag under her bed.

Is this really what you
want to get into right now?

Okay, all right.

Okay, her name
is Maura DuVall, okay?

And she lives in Indiana.

Well, what do you want us to do?

I want you to stop hassling me
and do your police thing.

I mean, run her name and check
her e-mails, tap her phone.

It's 2016, invade her privacy.

Oh. I got it.

Maura DuVall in Gary, Indiana.

Oh, damn it, we're too late.

She died last year.

Oh, no.

92 years old.

God bless her heart.

So are you saying
that her parents had children

80 years apart?

Could've been a second wife.

Or it's the Maura DuVall
who is 28,

lives in Bloomington,

and is originally from Chicago.

Bingo.

Yeah, these computers
are amazing.

You know, it's how I found out

that there's three
Carl McMillans in town.

Yeah, you know, I keep trying
to get us all together,

but they just
don't seem interested.

It's ringing.

Yes, is this Maura DuVall?

Uh, this is Officer
Michael Biggs

from the Chicago
Police Department.

I am calling in regards to
your little sister, Frannie.

Oh, no, no, calm down,
ma'am, she's fine.

She's pregnant
and I have her in my basement.

No, no, no!

Ma'am, calm down!

All righty.

Have a seat right here,
little lady.

Why are you both smiling at me?

It's creepy.

Oh!

We have some exciting
news.

Wait, wait, wait, don't-don't
tell, don't tell her yet.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, we're rolling.

Okay.

Don't ask us how we know,

but we found out that you
have a sister in Indiana.

Uh, that's your exciting news?

Uh, well, no, the exciting news
is that we talked to her

and she would very much
like to see you.

Really?

Okay, well then
she shouldn't have left me

high and dry with my parents,
ten years ago.

Okay, all right.

She did mention that you might
be a little angry with her,

but that was a long time ago.

Uh, yeah, yeah,
I was ten years old

and she left me alone with those
Bible-thumping lunatics.

And I'm sure
that she would love to tell you

that she is sorry, if you were
ever willing to talk to her,

say in a safe and, perhaps,
neutral environment.

Please don't tell me she's here.

Right here, no.

She's on the porch.

She's on the porch!

I cannot believe you guys would
do this without talking to me!

- Frannie...
- Wait, wait, if you're gonna follow her,

take the phone.

we suck at surprises.

So Bloomington, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

I hear it's nice.

It's not.

That's what I hear, too.

Listen, kid,

I know what you're
going through.

I got a half brother
that hates my guts, too.

I convinced him to invest

every penny he had
in a pyramid scheme.

Lost his house, everything.

Ended up living in the box
the skin care products came in.

I'm glad we got out when we did.

Yeah, we did okay.

Believe me, I didn't
want to leave Frannie.

I was young and I had
to get out of that house.

I mean, I could barely
take care of myself,

let alone a seven-year-old.

Listen, nobody here's
judging you for running out.

Oh, God.

Can't tell you
how many times I drove around

with a packed
suitcase in my car.

What? I thought you
were always talking about

taking that stuff to Goodwill?

Well, I couldn't tell you
I was thinking of leaving.

Geez, what-what kind of
mother would that be?

All right, maybe in hindsight,

we shouldn't have
gone behind your back.

Or through your duffel bag.

We were, we were
concerned about you,

and-and we thought that if you
could reconnect with your sister

she could help you out
after you had the baby.

I don't need her help.

I have a plan.

The go-go gig in Portland?

Honey... that plan blows.

What, you got a better one?

Yes, upstairs
sitting on our couch.

It's too late for that.

Is it?

You know, Frannie,
when I told your sister

what you were going through,

she dropped everything
and drove straight up here.

You know,
I can't even get my sister

to drive me to the airport.

Just talk to her.

Give her a chance.

But... you know what?

It's your decision
and if you want me

to go upstairs
and tell her to leave, I will.

- Tell her to leave.
- No!

I'm not gonna do that.

Now get up there
and talk to her.

Fine!

Don't give us that look,
young lady.

Get up there!

I think we're
gonna be good parents.

Me, too.

Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

A little decaf lemon zinger
to ease things along.

Now, I threw out
all the cookies,

so I just poured a little
All-Bran in a bowl there.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

Remember, this isn't going
to be easy.

You know?
This is about healing.

Quiet is okay.

Silence is fine.

You can't fill every minute

of every single second
with chitter chatter

- and stories and...
- Molly!

Yup!
Okay, all right.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

What was that?
Did you...?

We didn't say anything.

Oh, great.

I'll just be in the kitchen
if you need me.

Healing.

Okay? Healing.

Mending broken fences.

The olive branch
goes back to the Roman...

- Molly!
- Yup, yeah, yeah.

What's going on?

I don't know. It's really
awkward out there.

Well, I'm sure
the All-Bran will fix that.

I'm just glad they're
out there talking together.

I mean, hopefully they'll
find something to bond over.

I mean, they both
hate their parents.

Seems like a pretty solid
foundation to start.

I don't know if this is
the right time to say this,

but can we switch rooms?

There are two people
and we got five of us

jammed in here like animals.

I'm fine, I'm just
worried about you guys.

So...

How far along are you?

Please don't make small talk.

What do you want me to say?

You don't want
to hear my apologies,

you don't want to hear
why I left...

It's not gonna undo
what you did.

Frannie, I know that.

I've just missed you so much.

You don't think I've missed you?

You were more of a mother to me
than mom ever was.

She says, "You were more
of a brother to me

than Tom ever was."

Who's Tom?

Maybe he's the father
of the baby?

The plot thickens.

No, that can't be right.

Mike, get out of there.

All right, Maura's talking.

She said, "You're my sister
and I've always loved you."

Frannie says, "I love you, too."

That is so sweet.

Molly, we don't say that enough.

Quiet!

Okay, Maura's telling her that

she can come live
with her in Indiana.

Oh, there's a hug.

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Okay, they're talking again.

Maura says, "I have a great job,

"wonderful husband.

We both want to help you
raise the baby."

Wait, what?

And they're hugging again.

She can't do that.

Can she?

I think she just did.

I feel sick.

I don't even know what
I'm looking for in these drawers.

I'm just afraid if
I stop doing it,

I'm gonna fall apart.

Why'd we have
to call her sister?

'Cause it was
the right thing to do.

Yeah, for everybody but us.

Ms. Flynn?

Come in.

Hey. I just wanted
to thank you both

for getting me
in touch with Maura.

Are you sure?

What do we really
know about her?

Mike.

Um, you know, she actually said
that I could stay with her.

Yeah, we heard.

We also heard her say

that she wants to take you
and the baby.

Well... then you heard me
tell her no.

What?

I made a promise to you two.

I'm not going back on that.

You're not?

No.

You guys are gonna
be great parents.

Oh my God, Frannie, thank you.

Uh, hey, I actually,
I have something for you.

My sister got it for the baby.

Maybe when he

or she gets older,

you can tell him
I didn't want to give him up,

I just wanted him to have
the best life possible.

You can't do this.

What?

Things are different
now, I mean...

You have the chance
to bring up your baby

and you didn't have
that chance before.

Mol, what are you doing?

No, because it's hard enough.

But I promised you.

If you want this baby,
half as much as I do,

you are never
gonna forgive yourself

if you keep this promise.

I don't know what to do.

Yeah, you do.

Oh, it's good they left
a little early.

This way they'll be
able to beat traffic.

I'm pouring a drink
if anyone wants one.

I'll have a cosmopolitan with
a sugared rim and a lemon twist.

Or whatever. Just...

I'm never getting my hopes up
for anything again.

You know, I'll see you later,
I'm going to the horse track.

Okay, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Okay.

Okay, we have every reason

to be sad but...

we also have plenty
of reasons to be happy.

I mean, we-we just got
a family back together.

And, you know, maybe this...
baby got away from us,

but I'll tell you what, the next
one's not gonna be so lucky.

You're damn right,
and we're still going to adopt.

There's a baby out there
with our name on it.

Before you know it, we'll be up
all hours of the night...

...knee-deep in dirty diapers.

Got a lot of leftover pacifiers
from my rave days, so...

You know what
I'm looking forward to?

Holding a baby
in a rocking chair,

hearing that little rumble
in the diaper

and knowing I don't have
to change it.

Don't forget the terrible twos.

And the terrible threes.

And puberty, brutal.

That's when they hate you.

God, I can't wait.