Mike & Molly (2010–2016): Season 4, Episode 18 - Mike's Manifold Destiny - full transcript
When Mike's car breaks down, he must decide if he should accept a loan from Carl to fix it.
♪
♪
♪
♪
You liked them.
You said they tasted like
little salty Pop Rocks.
Yeah, that was before I knew
they were gonna make
fish babies in my belly.
(engine knocking)
Whoa, it's okay, old girl.
We'll be going downhill soon.
Why couldn't we just
have taken my car?
Because your car's no fun.
With the Galant,
you and the machine are one.
Really feel the road beneath you.
There's a hole in the floorboard.
I can see the road beneath me.
I hear you.
She hates it when I get
too liberal with the AC.
Oh, God, the heater?
Well, I got to redirect some
of that hot air off the motor.
I'm-I'm boiling!
Well, just pick up the floor mat.
It'll kick up a breeze from the hole.
Why is there duct tape
on the window button?
Because people like you
keep rolling it down,
and unless you got tongs and a
hanger, it ain't coming back up.
(engine clicking, stops)
Oh, man.
All right, flick the turn
signals right and left.
I'll take a look under the hood.
Why?
Because the hazards don't work.
Safety first.
This is ridiculous.
(horns blaring)
(turn signals clicking)
(hood squeaks)
I don't know if this helps you,
but the speedometer says we're
still going 60 miles an hour.
I think there's a leak
in the radiator hose.
Hand me that piece of tape
off the window switch.
We'll be up and running in no time.
You took the tape off wrong.
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
♪ For the first time in my life ♪
♪ I see love ♪
♪ I see love ♪
♪ For the first time in my life ♪
♪ I see love ♪
Okay, how's it going down there?
Well, it's not pretty.
Valves leak, gaskets are shot,
and there's a crack in the engine
block that's longer than yours.
Okay, okay, she-she's seen worse.
What's worse
than a cracked engine block?
Are you kidding me?
How about a grease fire
in the middle of a Fourth
of July Parade?
Pulled into a car wash,
put the flames out,
still made the "1812 Overture."
So, what you're saying is
that this is a death trap.
No, what I'm saying is
this car is indestructible.
After the apocalypse, it,
my mother and cockroaches
will be the only things that survive.
The Galant's gone, Mike.
Let it go.
I'm calling it.
I'd give you the time of death,
but even the clock
on the dash doesn't work.
The Galant can't be dead.
We've been through too much together.
I mean, I moved myself out of
my mother's house in this car.
I drove it to take the police exam.
I took Molly on our first date.
That was a lovely eulogy.
No, you can't take her.
She's too young!
Look at this guy. He's like
one of those Italian widows
throwing herself on the coffin.
Mike, it's time to get a new car.
I don't want a new car, and even
if I did, I can't afford one.
So I'll float you a loan.
No, I'm not comfortable with that.
Come on, man,
I can't stand the thought
of a friend of mine riding
around on a dirty city bus.
I ride the bus.
And it suits you.
Besides, he's good
for the loan.
You're more of a "teach a man
to fish" kind of friend.
That's a very generous offer,
Carl, but since I'm 20 years old,
I've always stood on my own two feet.
Never bought anything
I couldn't afford.
What are you talking about?
You and your wife
are 80 grand in the hole.
I married into that debt.
Love knows no credit score!
All right, well, the
offer's on the table
if you change your mind.
Thanks.
You're a good friend,
and I'm gonna keep it that way
by not taking your money.
I'm willing to risk our friendship.
(chuckles) I'm not.
Mooch.
How's it looking out there?
Not good. Poor guy.
He loved that car.
You know you're smiling, right?
I can't help it;
I hate that piece of crap.
(door closes)
Is there any hope?
None. It's gonna cost two times
what it's worth to fix it.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
I know. I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
I feel like I lost a part of me.
Well, we'll figure it
out like we always do.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
You're sitting pretty on an '02 Camry.
Which you can use any time I'm not.
Yeah, and you can borrow my car, too.
(chuckles) See?
Flynn girls to the rescue.
Great. Can I use your car tomorrow?
Absolutely.
Oh, you know what, no.
I forgot I have a hair appointment.
Well, then he'll just take mine.
Thank you.
Hold on. Did you say tomorrow
or next Friday?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's not good.
Actually, next Friday's bad, too.
I can drop you off somewhere.
If it's before 9:00 a.m.
Yeah, and I can pick
you up after 7:00,
unless you want to take
the bus to my work,
and then we can leave at 6:30.
If I was gonna ride the bus,
would I just come home?
Boy, you know what,
for someone who needs a ride,
you're awful snippy.
Yeah.
(music playing on TV)
Look at this guy.
Gets paid to live in Hawaii
and do jumping jacks on the
beach with two hot broads.
If I was him, the only thing I'd
do different is turn around.
I am going stir crazy without a car.
Well, you could go for a walk.
If you can't help,
don't say anything.
Where do you suddenly need to go?
Every Saturday you just sit here
like a lump.
That's because I chose
to sit here like a lump.
Now I'm forced to.
Trapped here like a caged panther!
Really? That's the animal
that best describes you?
The point is I need my freedom.
Well, why didn't you say something?
You can borrow my car.
Seriously?
Of course.
It's in the driveway.
Oh, thanks, Vince.
Just take off the cover,
dust it with the car brush
and you're good to go.
No problem.
Oh, and when you put gas in it,
make sure you use premium.
It knocks if you don't.
The driving log is in the glove box.
Driving log?
Yeah, it's where I jot down the
miles driven, the gallons put in,
the amount paid, that kind of stuff.
I also like to know which
station and which pump.
It's the vehicle's
autobiography, if you will.
Look, I-I'm just running
to the batting cages.
If it's the one on Logan,
don't park in that parking lot.
Those are compact spaces with kids
flinging doors open like animals.
No good.
I'll park on the street.
You will never, ever park
that car on the street.
What you're gonna do
is park two blocks down
at the drugstore, get an end space,
turn on the alarm, put on the
cover, and enjoy the batting cages.
Careful crossing that street on foot.
If you see a bunch of candle and
flowers, that's the bad spot.
I'll just stay here.
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Well, any time. I'm easy.
Thanks for picking me up, Carl.
I just had to get out of that house.
Of course. It's not
right for a man like you
to be stuck at home with
no means of transportation.
It's definitely inconvenient.
It's emasculating is what it is.
Reduced to begging friends
for rides, hat in hand.
Thumb in butt.
All right.
It's getting chilly in here.
You mind rolling up that window?
Really?
Oh, would you look at that?
A personalized check
made out to Michael Biggs.
(chuckles) Well,
finders keepers, I guess.
I'm not taking your money, Carl.
Why not? You need a car, right?
No, because I got friends
like you giving me a ride
and a very generous family
that lets me borrow the car
any time I want every other Thursday.
So you saying me giving you a ride
is keeping you from taking my money?
Well, in a way, yes.
Get out.
What are you doing?
I'm putting a stop to this nonsense.
Either you take my
check or eat my dust!
You're not gonna make me walk?
You can do whatever you want
once you get out of my car.
This is ridiculous!
And so is your refusal
to take my loan!
Well, it's not gonna happen, okay?
You better take my money,
you selfish son of a bitch!
Let me love you!
This is crazy.
You need a car,
and I got one I hardly use.
I am a grown man!
I'm too old to be asking my
mommy if I can borrow her car.
Besides, how are you supposed
to get around?
Where do I go?
I cut my own hair,
I scrape my own corns,
I got a freezer full of hot dogs.
I'm set for the year.
I appreciate the offer,
but I'm gonna have to pass.
You're gonna kill yourself
on that thing.
I'll be fine.
Before the Galant,
this thing got me all over town.
It just needed some grease on the
chain, a little air in the tires,
and we are good to go!
How you gonna get this casserole home?
I delivered papers on
this bike for eight years.
I can carry a pan of leftovers.
Mike Biggs is back in a banana seat!
You look ridiculous.
Call it whatever you want,
you're looking at a free man!
(whooping)
(horn honks, bell dings)
(crashing)
I'm okay, Ma!
That's my boy.
Not a drop of casserole spilled.
Okay, watch your step.
No peeking.
Ooh! I don't understand.
I thought we couldn't afford
a new car.
Don't worry; I got a good deal.
Free!
(gasps)
It's your mom's car.
Not anymore.
It's ours.
What have you done?
Molly, we needed a car.
I got us a car.
That is not "a car""
That's your mother's car,
the guilt mobile.
What's that supposed to mean?
Do you really think
that she just gave you that car
with no strings attached?
Well, so I'll have to give her
a ride every once in a while.
And when is that?
Once a week? Once a month?
Four times a day?
Did you get any of that in writing?!
You're being ridiculous!
Am I?
'Cause when we first started dating,
we had to go see your mother
three times a week.
But through hard work and determination
we have whittled that down
to every other Sunday for dinner.
How could you want to
throw all that away?
Because I hate walking, I crashed
my bike and I really needed a car!
Well, you got one, buddy.
You got one fully loaded!
(grunts)
They don't make them
like this anymore.
No, legally they can't, right?
I mean, this seat belt feels like
more of an homage to safety.
You get a seat belt?
All I've got back here are ashtrays.
No, it's buried in the seat,
just keep digging.
So, you won't take a loan from me,
but you'll take a 40-year-old
car from your mother? Yes.
Because this car is not a gift.
Being raised by that woman,
I earned it.
Like reparations for war crimes.
Oh, but the war ain't over.
Your mother's not giving you
this out of the goodness
of her heart, and you know why?
Because she has no heart,
and she has no goodness?
He gets it.
All right, enough.
Ooh, there's a White Castle up here.
Let's get something to eat.
Perfect.
Because I just found a ketchup packet
when I was digging in the seat.
You think this big boat
can fit through a drive-thru?
Through? No.
In with an awkward back out of?
Yes.
Can we put on some music?
Ah,
that's one of the things
I'm gonna have to upgrade.
Same tape's been
in the deck since '82.
♪ So I'm singing Elvira ♪
♪ Elvira... ♪
Hope you guys like the Oak Ridge Boys.
Uh, very much.
It reminds me
of being back in Senegal.
They used to send us
these tapes for free.
♪ Elvira. ♪
(doorbell rings)
(sighs)
Really?
What?
Mike's only had the car one day.
Somebody's got to get me to church.
Apparently I've been banned
from the senior shuttle.
Palsy or not,
you play footsie with me,
your cane's going out the window.
So, you walked eight blocks here
instead of six blocks
towards the church
in the other direction?
I'm surprised you know
where the church is.
I'm surprised they don't move it
so you don't.
Where's my son?
He's out showing off his new car
to his friends,
thanks to your selfless gift.
Well, that's what you do
when you love somebody.
You make sacrifices.
I know, Peggy. It's the only
reason we're still talking.
So, what? I've got
to drive you to church now?
Whew! I've seen you drive.
I want to pray to God, not meet him.
I'll just wait for Mike.
Of course you will.
You know, I know what you're doing.
Using this car, you know,
to guilt him into doing
every little thing you want him to do.
Get off your high horse.
You're as bad as me.
I am nothing like you.
Oh, please.
We both want a piece of Mike,
and will do
whatever it takes to get it.
You might have your womanly ways.
But I got a '72 Impala
with a handicap placard.
Checkmate.
Damn it.
Fine, I'll call Mike.
♪ Elvira ♪
♪ My heart's on fire ♪
♪ Elvira ♪
♪ Giddy up ♪
♪ Oom-poppa, oom-poppa ♪
♪ Mow, mow ♪
♪ Giddy up ♪
♪ Oom-poppa, oom-poppa, mow, mow ♪
♪ Hi-ho, Silver ♪
♪ Away ♪
(phone rings)
♪ Tonight I'm gonna... ♪
Hey, sweetie, what's up?
Aw.
B-9.
B-9.
What did he say?
B-9!
Right there.
You've got bingo. Again.
Oh.
Uh, bingo!
How the hell does she keep winning?
She doesn't even know where she is.
It's those lucky charms.
Think she'd notice
if I took her troll?
Which one... the one on the table
or the one sitting across from her?
The one with the pink hair.
Again, same question.
How about we head out soon?
We can't leave now.
They save the good prizes
till the end.
I got my eye on that foot spa.
Okay, well, what if I come back
later and just pick you up?
Is it really that awful
spending time with your mother?
There is no right answer
to that question.
Well, now my dabber's dry.
Go and get me a new one.
Oh, and don't buy anything
from Sister Anne.
She hasn't sold a winning
card since Vatican Two. Oh.
Hey, man.
Why are you putting us through this?
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Give your mom back her
car and take my money.
Look, it's never gonna happen, Carl.
Why not?
'Cause I've got my pride.
Wha..? Man, you're
in a church basement
trying to beat out some old
biddies for a toaster oven.
I think your pride's pretty much shot!
They're starting a new game.
Are we done here?
No, we are not.
Not until you explain to me
why in the hell you won't
let me loan you money.
Because that's not the way our
relationship's supposed to work.
I'm supposed to take care of you.
Come on, man.
We-we help each other.
We're brothers.
Yeah, but I'm the big brother.
I help you.
You break up, I console you.
You mouth off at a bar,
I take the punch.
They threaten to throw you out
of the police softball league,
I say, "If he goes, I go."
Even though you were dressed
like an idiot.
Man, I just got back from
rollerblading, all right?
And didn't have time to change
out of my Lululemons. Okay.
Listen.
I know you look out for me, right?
But why can't I look out for you
every once in a while, huh?
Help my big brother.
Look, Carl.
Really appreciate it.
I just can't.
What the hell's taking so long?
Where's my dabber?
Sorry, I was talking to Carl.
Oh, didn't mean to interrupt.
You said you were gonna do something,
I just thought you might
actually do it.
I am doing it!
It's fine.
Don't trouble yourself.
You got what you want.
Sister Bernadette,
give me a red dabber.
The color of the blood
we bleed for our children.
I'm gonna want to pay you interest.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
MAN: O-69.
Bingo!
I won! I won!
In your face, Gladys.
Eh, where's your lucky troll now?
Man, when I gave you that money,
I thought you'd go put
a down payment on a new car.
Hey, a new engine is a new car.
Like putting a fresh
liver into an old wino.
What about the hole in the floor,
uh, the windows that don't roll up
and the crappy electrical system?
Where's all this negativity
coming from?
This should be a day
of celebration like Easter.
In three days, the Galant has risen.
I don't get you at all.
Well, what's to get?
I'm a loyal guy.
And if something's been
good to me, I stick with it.
Even if it has no value,
and people laugh at it.
Kind of explains why
you're my best friend.
Was that a compliment?
It's as good as you're gonna get.
All right, if you're happy, I'm happy.
Thanks, pal. All right.
What do you say we crank up some
tunes and get this engine in?
All right, sounds good.
Let's do it.
♪ I'm singing Elvira... ♪
Oh, no!
Oh, yes. I finally got the tape
out of the Impala.
Come on, sing it with me.
♪ My heart's on fire ♪
♪ For Elvira ♪
Yeah, you can't lean on that!
♪ Oom-poppa, oom-poppa, mow, mow ♪
♪ Giddy up, oom-poppa,
oom-poppa, mow, mow ♪
♪ Hi-ho, Silver away. ♪
♪
♪
♪
You liked them.
You said they tasted like
little salty Pop Rocks.
Yeah, that was before I knew
they were gonna make
fish babies in my belly.
(engine knocking)
Whoa, it's okay, old girl.
We'll be going downhill soon.
Why couldn't we just
have taken my car?
Because your car's no fun.
With the Galant,
you and the machine are one.
Really feel the road beneath you.
There's a hole in the floorboard.
I can see the road beneath me.
I hear you.
She hates it when I get
too liberal with the AC.
Oh, God, the heater?
Well, I got to redirect some
of that hot air off the motor.
I'm-I'm boiling!
Well, just pick up the floor mat.
It'll kick up a breeze from the hole.
Why is there duct tape
on the window button?
Because people like you
keep rolling it down,
and unless you got tongs and a
hanger, it ain't coming back up.
(engine clicking, stops)
Oh, man.
All right, flick the turn
signals right and left.
I'll take a look under the hood.
Why?
Because the hazards don't work.
Safety first.
This is ridiculous.
(horns blaring)
(turn signals clicking)
(hood squeaks)
I don't know if this helps you,
but the speedometer says we're
still going 60 miles an hour.
I think there's a leak
in the radiator hose.
Hand me that piece of tape
off the window switch.
We'll be up and running in no time.
You took the tape off wrong.
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
♪ For the first time in my life ♪
♪ I see love ♪
♪ I see love ♪
♪ For the first time in my life ♪
♪ I see love ♪
Okay, how's it going down there?
Well, it's not pretty.
Valves leak, gaskets are shot,
and there's a crack in the engine
block that's longer than yours.
Okay, okay, she-she's seen worse.
What's worse
than a cracked engine block?
Are you kidding me?
How about a grease fire
in the middle of a Fourth
of July Parade?
Pulled into a car wash,
put the flames out,
still made the "1812 Overture."
So, what you're saying is
that this is a death trap.
No, what I'm saying is
this car is indestructible.
After the apocalypse, it,
my mother and cockroaches
will be the only things that survive.
The Galant's gone, Mike.
Let it go.
I'm calling it.
I'd give you the time of death,
but even the clock
on the dash doesn't work.
The Galant can't be dead.
We've been through too much together.
I mean, I moved myself out of
my mother's house in this car.
I drove it to take the police exam.
I took Molly on our first date.
That was a lovely eulogy.
No, you can't take her.
She's too young!
Look at this guy. He's like
one of those Italian widows
throwing herself on the coffin.
Mike, it's time to get a new car.
I don't want a new car, and even
if I did, I can't afford one.
So I'll float you a loan.
No, I'm not comfortable with that.
Come on, man,
I can't stand the thought
of a friend of mine riding
around on a dirty city bus.
I ride the bus.
And it suits you.
Besides, he's good
for the loan.
You're more of a "teach a man
to fish" kind of friend.
That's a very generous offer,
Carl, but since I'm 20 years old,
I've always stood on my own two feet.
Never bought anything
I couldn't afford.
What are you talking about?
You and your wife
are 80 grand in the hole.
I married into that debt.
Love knows no credit score!
All right, well, the
offer's on the table
if you change your mind.
Thanks.
You're a good friend,
and I'm gonna keep it that way
by not taking your money.
I'm willing to risk our friendship.
(chuckles) I'm not.
Mooch.
How's it looking out there?
Not good. Poor guy.
He loved that car.
You know you're smiling, right?
I can't help it;
I hate that piece of crap.
(door closes)
Is there any hope?
None. It's gonna cost two times
what it's worth to fix it.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
I know. I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
I feel like I lost a part of me.
Well, we'll figure it
out like we always do.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
You're sitting pretty on an '02 Camry.
Which you can use any time I'm not.
Yeah, and you can borrow my car, too.
(chuckles) See?
Flynn girls to the rescue.
Great. Can I use your car tomorrow?
Absolutely.
Oh, you know what, no.
I forgot I have a hair appointment.
Well, then he'll just take mine.
Thank you.
Hold on. Did you say tomorrow
or next Friday?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's not good.
Actually, next Friday's bad, too.
I can drop you off somewhere.
If it's before 9:00 a.m.
Yeah, and I can pick
you up after 7:00,
unless you want to take
the bus to my work,
and then we can leave at 6:30.
If I was gonna ride the bus,
would I just come home?
Boy, you know what,
for someone who needs a ride,
you're awful snippy.
Yeah.
(music playing on TV)
Look at this guy.
Gets paid to live in Hawaii
and do jumping jacks on the
beach with two hot broads.
If I was him, the only thing I'd
do different is turn around.
I am going stir crazy without a car.
Well, you could go for a walk.
If you can't help,
don't say anything.
Where do you suddenly need to go?
Every Saturday you just sit here
like a lump.
That's because I chose
to sit here like a lump.
Now I'm forced to.
Trapped here like a caged panther!
Really? That's the animal
that best describes you?
The point is I need my freedom.
Well, why didn't you say something?
You can borrow my car.
Seriously?
Of course.
It's in the driveway.
Oh, thanks, Vince.
Just take off the cover,
dust it with the car brush
and you're good to go.
No problem.
Oh, and when you put gas in it,
make sure you use premium.
It knocks if you don't.
The driving log is in the glove box.
Driving log?
Yeah, it's where I jot down the
miles driven, the gallons put in,
the amount paid, that kind of stuff.
I also like to know which
station and which pump.
It's the vehicle's
autobiography, if you will.
Look, I-I'm just running
to the batting cages.
If it's the one on Logan,
don't park in that parking lot.
Those are compact spaces with kids
flinging doors open like animals.
No good.
I'll park on the street.
You will never, ever park
that car on the street.
What you're gonna do
is park two blocks down
at the drugstore, get an end space,
turn on the alarm, put on the
cover, and enjoy the batting cages.
Careful crossing that street on foot.
If you see a bunch of candle and
flowers, that's the bad spot.
I'll just stay here.
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Well, any time. I'm easy.
Thanks for picking me up, Carl.
I just had to get out of that house.
Of course. It's not
right for a man like you
to be stuck at home with
no means of transportation.
It's definitely inconvenient.
It's emasculating is what it is.
Reduced to begging friends
for rides, hat in hand.
Thumb in butt.
All right.
It's getting chilly in here.
You mind rolling up that window?
Really?
Oh, would you look at that?
A personalized check
made out to Michael Biggs.
(chuckles) Well,
finders keepers, I guess.
I'm not taking your money, Carl.
Why not? You need a car, right?
No, because I got friends
like you giving me a ride
and a very generous family
that lets me borrow the car
any time I want every other Thursday.
So you saying me giving you a ride
is keeping you from taking my money?
Well, in a way, yes.
Get out.
What are you doing?
I'm putting a stop to this nonsense.
Either you take my
check or eat my dust!
You're not gonna make me walk?
You can do whatever you want
once you get out of my car.
This is ridiculous!
And so is your refusal
to take my loan!
Well, it's not gonna happen, okay?
You better take my money,
you selfish son of a bitch!
Let me love you!
This is crazy.
You need a car,
and I got one I hardly use.
I am a grown man!
I'm too old to be asking my
mommy if I can borrow her car.
Besides, how are you supposed
to get around?
Where do I go?
I cut my own hair,
I scrape my own corns,
I got a freezer full of hot dogs.
I'm set for the year.
I appreciate the offer,
but I'm gonna have to pass.
You're gonna kill yourself
on that thing.
I'll be fine.
Before the Galant,
this thing got me all over town.
It just needed some grease on the
chain, a little air in the tires,
and we are good to go!
How you gonna get this casserole home?
I delivered papers on
this bike for eight years.
I can carry a pan of leftovers.
Mike Biggs is back in a banana seat!
You look ridiculous.
Call it whatever you want,
you're looking at a free man!
(whooping)
(horn honks, bell dings)
(crashing)
I'm okay, Ma!
That's my boy.
Not a drop of casserole spilled.
Okay, watch your step.
No peeking.
Ooh! I don't understand.
I thought we couldn't afford
a new car.
Don't worry; I got a good deal.
Free!
(gasps)
It's your mom's car.
Not anymore.
It's ours.
What have you done?
Molly, we needed a car.
I got us a car.
That is not "a car""
That's your mother's car,
the guilt mobile.
What's that supposed to mean?
Do you really think
that she just gave you that car
with no strings attached?
Well, so I'll have to give her
a ride every once in a while.
And when is that?
Once a week? Once a month?
Four times a day?
Did you get any of that in writing?!
You're being ridiculous!
Am I?
'Cause when we first started dating,
we had to go see your mother
three times a week.
But through hard work and determination
we have whittled that down
to every other Sunday for dinner.
How could you want to
throw all that away?
Because I hate walking, I crashed
my bike and I really needed a car!
Well, you got one, buddy.
You got one fully loaded!
(grunts)
They don't make them
like this anymore.
No, legally they can't, right?
I mean, this seat belt feels like
more of an homage to safety.
You get a seat belt?
All I've got back here are ashtrays.
No, it's buried in the seat,
just keep digging.
So, you won't take a loan from me,
but you'll take a 40-year-old
car from your mother? Yes.
Because this car is not a gift.
Being raised by that woman,
I earned it.
Like reparations for war crimes.
Oh, but the war ain't over.
Your mother's not giving you
this out of the goodness
of her heart, and you know why?
Because she has no heart,
and she has no goodness?
He gets it.
All right, enough.
Ooh, there's a White Castle up here.
Let's get something to eat.
Perfect.
Because I just found a ketchup packet
when I was digging in the seat.
You think this big boat
can fit through a drive-thru?
Through? No.
In with an awkward back out of?
Yes.
Can we put on some music?
Ah,
that's one of the things
I'm gonna have to upgrade.
Same tape's been
in the deck since '82.
♪ So I'm singing Elvira ♪
♪ Elvira... ♪
Hope you guys like the Oak Ridge Boys.
Uh, very much.
It reminds me
of being back in Senegal.
They used to send us
these tapes for free.
♪ Elvira. ♪
(doorbell rings)
(sighs)
Really?
What?
Mike's only had the car one day.
Somebody's got to get me to church.
Apparently I've been banned
from the senior shuttle.
Palsy or not,
you play footsie with me,
your cane's going out the window.
So, you walked eight blocks here
instead of six blocks
towards the church
in the other direction?
I'm surprised you know
where the church is.
I'm surprised they don't move it
so you don't.
Where's my son?
He's out showing off his new car
to his friends,
thanks to your selfless gift.
Well, that's what you do
when you love somebody.
You make sacrifices.
I know, Peggy. It's the only
reason we're still talking.
So, what? I've got
to drive you to church now?
Whew! I've seen you drive.
I want to pray to God, not meet him.
I'll just wait for Mike.
Of course you will.
You know, I know what you're doing.
Using this car, you know,
to guilt him into doing
every little thing you want him to do.
Get off your high horse.
You're as bad as me.
I am nothing like you.
Oh, please.
We both want a piece of Mike,
and will do
whatever it takes to get it.
You might have your womanly ways.
But I got a '72 Impala
with a handicap placard.
Checkmate.
Damn it.
Fine, I'll call Mike.
♪ Elvira ♪
♪ My heart's on fire ♪
♪ Elvira ♪
♪ Giddy up ♪
♪ Oom-poppa, oom-poppa ♪
♪ Mow, mow ♪
♪ Giddy up ♪
♪ Oom-poppa, oom-poppa, mow, mow ♪
♪ Hi-ho, Silver ♪
♪ Away ♪
(phone rings)
♪ Tonight I'm gonna... ♪
Hey, sweetie, what's up?
Aw.
B-9.
B-9.
What did he say?
B-9!
Right there.
You've got bingo. Again.
Oh.
Uh, bingo!
How the hell does she keep winning?
She doesn't even know where she is.
It's those lucky charms.
Think she'd notice
if I took her troll?
Which one... the one on the table
or the one sitting across from her?
The one with the pink hair.
Again, same question.
How about we head out soon?
We can't leave now.
They save the good prizes
till the end.
I got my eye on that foot spa.
Okay, well, what if I come back
later and just pick you up?
Is it really that awful
spending time with your mother?
There is no right answer
to that question.
Well, now my dabber's dry.
Go and get me a new one.
Oh, and don't buy anything
from Sister Anne.
She hasn't sold a winning
card since Vatican Two. Oh.
Hey, man.
Why are you putting us through this?
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Give your mom back her
car and take my money.
Look, it's never gonna happen, Carl.
Why not?
'Cause I've got my pride.
Wha..? Man, you're
in a church basement
trying to beat out some old
biddies for a toaster oven.
I think your pride's pretty much shot!
They're starting a new game.
Are we done here?
No, we are not.
Not until you explain to me
why in the hell you won't
let me loan you money.
Because that's not the way our
relationship's supposed to work.
I'm supposed to take care of you.
Come on, man.
We-we help each other.
We're brothers.
Yeah, but I'm the big brother.
I help you.
You break up, I console you.
You mouth off at a bar,
I take the punch.
They threaten to throw you out
of the police softball league,
I say, "If he goes, I go."
Even though you were dressed
like an idiot.
Man, I just got back from
rollerblading, all right?
And didn't have time to change
out of my Lululemons. Okay.
Listen.
I know you look out for me, right?
But why can't I look out for you
every once in a while, huh?
Help my big brother.
Look, Carl.
Really appreciate it.
I just can't.
What the hell's taking so long?
Where's my dabber?
Sorry, I was talking to Carl.
Oh, didn't mean to interrupt.
You said you were gonna do something,
I just thought you might
actually do it.
I am doing it!
It's fine.
Don't trouble yourself.
You got what you want.
Sister Bernadette,
give me a red dabber.
The color of the blood
we bleed for our children.
I'm gonna want to pay you interest.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
MAN: O-69.
Bingo!
I won! I won!
In your face, Gladys.
Eh, where's your lucky troll now?
Man, when I gave you that money,
I thought you'd go put
a down payment on a new car.
Hey, a new engine is a new car.
Like putting a fresh
liver into an old wino.
What about the hole in the floor,
uh, the windows that don't roll up
and the crappy electrical system?
Where's all this negativity
coming from?
This should be a day
of celebration like Easter.
In three days, the Galant has risen.
I don't get you at all.
Well, what's to get?
I'm a loyal guy.
And if something's been
good to me, I stick with it.
Even if it has no value,
and people laugh at it.
Kind of explains why
you're my best friend.
Was that a compliment?
It's as good as you're gonna get.
All right, if you're happy, I'm happy.
Thanks, pal. All right.
What do you say we crank up some
tunes and get this engine in?
All right, sounds good.
Let's do it.
♪ I'm singing Elvira... ♪
Oh, no!
Oh, yes. I finally got the tape
out of the Impala.
Come on, sing it with me.
♪ My heart's on fire ♪
♪ For Elvira ♪
Yeah, you can't lean on that!
♪ Oom-poppa, oom-poppa, mow, mow ♪
♪ Giddy up, oom-poppa,
oom-poppa, mow, mow ♪
♪ Hi-ho, Silver away. ♪