Metalocalypse (2006–2013): Season 3, Episode 7 - Dethsiduals - full transcript

REPORTER:
Today's case is being called
the music trial of the decade.

Dethklok versus
Dethklok.

And it's made its way here
to the Supreme Court.

William Murderface
and Toki Wartooth have taken

Explosion, Pickles
and Skwigelf to war

over songwriting
residuals --

the backend profits
on all their records.

LAWYER:
Your honor, my clients
make up two fifths

of the highest selling
Death Metal band

of all time.

Yet they are being treated
like second class citizens.



Good people of the court,

we believe we need
to be treated fairly

and have an equal
five way split

on all songwriting
residuals.

Hey,
whats ams residuals??

Ugh, Toki.

We're at the Supreme Court
and you ask that now?

Look, they're like little
things that mean you get

paid lots of money for writing songs
like those guys.

Buts we don't even
write songs.

Hows can
we gets regiskuals?

Toki shut up!

Why are you sitting
on their side!

We're suing them!



Uhhhhh, your honor?

Please strike my stupid idiot
bandmate's comments

from
the record.

He's, uh, Norwegian
and he doesn't have

a great command
of the language.

Hey, Murderface.
We not gonna wins.

I already tolds you!

Why ams we askins
for requipicles

when we aints songs writers?

People of the court, these guys
are total dildos.

This is a waste
of court time!

Perhaps I can help us all
to put an end to this.

Mr. Murderface
and Mr. Wartooth

do not contribute
on a writing level

so they do not receive
writers credit, residuals, etc.

I've submitted all contracts signed by
them that show this.

That's bullshit!

They do however get a 2% back-end
on record sales.

I don't have
to tell you folks

that in this business,
with this band

that is a great deal of money
at the end of the fiscal year.

They're
multi-billionaires.

Case closed!

Picture time, fuck you.

You two over there
you back there.

Hey Jim, fuck you,
too.

This isn't
faiiiiiiiirrrrrrrr!!!

? Doodily ding dong
tick-tock ?

? Doodily ding dong
tick-tock ?

? Doodily ding dong
tick-tock ?

? Dethklok! Dethklok!
Dethklok! Dethklok! ?

No hard feelings about
the lawsuit, right guys?

And no hard feelings
to either of you two.

Sorry about assassinating
your characters earlier

Toki, Murderface,
you understand-

- Whatever!
- No problems!

Well we still have
to work together.

(grunts)

What's that Nathan?
I hear you grunting.

Why don't you just say
what's on your mind?

You just sued us!

Why don't you guys
get a ride home

in a fucking different car?

Why should l?
I mean, come on --

We're all
going to the same place.

What's wrong with
carpooling?

I don't know, I just don't
wanna be around you.

Feel like you're gonna
fucking sue me

for breathing too loud
or something.

Well I would
if I could collect,

but it's pretty clear
how things are!

ALL:
Ugh.

New caller --
Roy Cornickleson

head of Crystal Mountain Records.

Hey boys.

Good to see you all
together again!

Looks like you finally
buried the hatchet!

I'm calling again now that
all this business is over

to remind you
of the new deadlines

for your song demos.

Roy, as you can see, things
have been a little crazy.

But maybe
we can work out --

I'm going to need it
by the 17th.

No later.
Goodbye.

The 17th is
gonna be tough.

Yeah, and we got that winery opening
to go to.

- Yeah the ones ins France.
- Shhhh.

What? Gos to France?

Nothing...

How comes me and Moidaface
amments inviteds to France?

It's a little out
of your price range, okay?

So we didn't wants
to talks to you about it.

Oh, that is
sooo fucked up.

We're fucking
going to France!!

Why so you can go
and complain about prices

and guilt us into paying
for everything?

Yeah, that works for me!

That's it.
Pull the car over.

Murderface,
get out.

You're walking!

? ?

How do you like that?

Left out in the cold.

? ?

? Everyone's mad at Murderface

Everyone's being mean to me

Nobody gives me residuals

Fucking dick individuals

Fuck those dicks
why can't they see

I'm the fucking foundation
of this five-piece

I lay down the soul
I lay down the heart

but they try to fuckin'
tear me apart

Nothing in this world's
worth working for

If it don't come easy then it's dumb
and fucking boring

You better serve it up
on a silver fucking platter

I ain't breaking a sweat
'cause it don't really matter

Nothing in this world
shouldn't not be easy

If it means my comfort's challenged

It will make me queasy

I ain't gonna do stuff
give a bro a break

Why is stuff so hard

Why can't everything
be easy ? ?

Why can't it be easy, man?

Man, even singing
this song is hard.

They gotta make
everything hard.

I should hire someone
to sing this song.

That would be easy.

Then I'd have to tell 'em
how to sing it.

Then I'd have to pay 'em.

Where am I gonna get
the money?

See, everything leads
into everything else

and it makes it so hard, man.

That's why people
kill themselves.

? ?

SKWlSGAAR
Okay, so...

the riffs is
something's like dat's.

Great, yeah,
Sure, right that's cool.

I'll drum up some nonsense words
to tide the label over,

and we can act all
offended and shit

when they don't understand
what we're saying. Cool?

Yeah. Cool.
That always buys us some time.

We gotta get some songs
in this record, Toki!

Well I don't gots
nothing!

Well neither do l!

Check it out,
I did some research

And it says here,

If we're in the room
while songs are being created

and we chime in enough
and confuse them

we can get a bigger share
of the publishing.

So whats do we does?

We talk a lot and confuse them,
you idiot!

Oh fucks you.

So I plans on doing dis riffs
for a couple bars

you know, and uh...

Right, and I'm just
blasting through that.

Okay that's good.
Yeah yeah yeah.

Okay, so I'm playing this
for a little whiles

- And then I change-
- Change

- I Changes the riff...
- Change the riff.

- downs to like a half time...
- down to like a half time

Like a half times parts
that I comes up withs...

Half Time...part...
that l...comes up with...

ya know and then somethings
in a different key...

Yeah something...different key.

- Uuuuuh,
- Uuuhhh.

- Thens...

- Then.
- Thens.

That's wheres thats
concludes that parts...

Thats where that concludes...part.

wheres thats concludes
thats parts!

- Of the sections.

- Of thes sections.
- Of the sections.

Okay.

Well yep.
You guys catch that?

Me and Toki and Skwisgaar
just wrote that thing.

Knubbler? You wanna
write that down?

Sorry Pickles, Nathan.
Yeah we got it!

Okay, so -- I'm sorry,

what do you want me
to write down?

That! The thing
we just came up with!

Me, Toki uhhh,
notarize it.

Whatever!
Fucking collaboration.

Okay, I'm writing down
that you repeated

everything that Skwisgaar said
after he said it.

And me toos!
I repeats everythings also.

Hold on, hold on.

Then Toki repeats everything
afterwards, too. Okay?

- Thanks yous!
- No, no!

We were all collaborating
on that part together!

No! That wasn't collaboration,
that was repetition.

You repeated everything
he was saying.

We're not fucking idiots,
okay?

Fucking fine.

Then I'm writing my own
bass part!

No fucking help
from you guys!

Got it?
Solo credit!

Show me that again?

It's just ridings
on the low E.

It's likes a gallop.
We does dis it in every songs.

MURDERFACE
I can't see what
you're doing!!

Why don'ts you gives to me
your bass

I shows you how to does it.

Oh, no no no you don't.
I'm doing it. Me.

I see what you're doing.
I'm gonna nail this shit.

And you fuckers will see
what I bring to the table!!

KLOKATEER:
My lords, your
food has arrived.

What is that?

Is that olives?

Olive topping on some
pita bread?

Murderface can we just
get this down?

It's been, like,
4 hours, baby!

I got it, man!
Just press record!

Alright, here it comes.

? ?

There. Did it.
One take Willie.

I'm gettin me some
of that pita.

Sounded like shit.

Yeah. Sounded fucking awful.

I can hear you.
It's fine!

Fucking fix it
in Pro Tools!

Uhhh, I don't know
there, Willy.

It's uuuuuh...

I'm sorry, are you being
insubordinate?

Do you want to tell Charles you're
insubordinate?

Because I fucking will!

Fucking try me.
Try me.

Fix it...
I'm taking five.

I'm fucking starving
over here.

It's going to be
a long night, baby!

? ?

Okay, here's what I got.

Check it out.

? ?

That's all that I could do.

I'm not
a miracle worker.

What do you think
Murderface?

I'll just
redoes it myself.

I'll just not sleep
for a few days as usual.

Yeah, but first
let's eat, okay?

Guys, looks like you're working
real hard. That's great.

Your DethJet to France
is now pre-boarding.

These fucking guys.

It takes twice as long
to record

with them
in the fucking room.

We gotsta satisfy dere egos
just so we can undoes everything

and tricks them into thinkings
they plays on the record.

Just so they turn around
and fucking sue us.

At least we can enjoy
some wine in France.

TOKl:
Wells, how ams we supposed
to know its cost

150 bucks
just to get in?

Nobody tolds me that.

I fucking knew it.

You fly all the way
fucking to France

just to not go
to a fucking wine tasting

because you're too
fucking cheap.

Well I can't rationalize spending
that kind of money.

Not now, not with the way
the economy is.

We'll wait outside.

So both of you are
just gonna sit here

and wait outside
the entire time?

What else are we gonna do?

Go ahead, go in.
Have fun.

We'll be out here,
not having any fun...

standing.

Ughhhhh.

Fine, c'mon. C'mon.
I'm paying for you.

- Pickles... don't.
- C'mon. I don't wanna hear it.

Oh, thanks, Pickle!

Hey buddy,
you sure about this?

Don't talk to me anymore.
Just go inside.

I just want to make sure
it's okay.

You're doing this
for you...right?

Go inside.

Are you sure?

Get inside!

(gibberish)

(gibberish)

NATHAN:
Hey.

Wake up fuckers.
Wake up.

Pay attention.
No, look at me.

Listen, we can't take
your bullshit anymore.

We can't fucking handle it.

We've given you a lot of chances
and you know what?

We're kicking you out
of the band!

MURDERFACE:
They can't kick us out
of the band, can they?

CFO:
Yes they can.

It's a majority rule
situation here.

Think of it this way.
You're on suspension.

A month long suspension,
and if at the end of this term,

everyone
feels the same way,

we'll go through
with your departure,

divide up
the assets, etc.

But for now,
you will live here

but you guys are both on
musical suspension.

You mean like
I'm a fucking badass cop

who just took things
too far?

Sure. Whatever.

And now I gotta turn in
my gun and badge?

Well.
Yes. Actually.

That's kinda cool, man.
Gotta admit.

In all seriousness
I would like you to turn in

your instruments and your
Dethklok Badge.

I don't have a fucking
Dethklok badge.

You were given one
at one point.

Look, is there any way
we can turn this thing around

and just kick them
out of the band

and sue them or something?

Look, your problems
are money related.

And you're being accused of not
pulling your weight.

The obvious solution
is for you to focus more

on contributing
when you're needed

and if you need
to make money on the side

while you're on suspension

there may be a way
to do that too.

Man, fuck that contributing
mumbo jumbo crap,

what'd you say about making money
on the side?

? (indistinct rapping) ?

? ?

That's was outstandings!

You has de whole
package and great songs.

I can't believes yous guys
ams unsigned.

If I hads a labels
I'd totally signs yous!!!

Toki! I've got it!

How do we make money?
Not do any work?

And reap all
the publishing?

We'll start our own
record label!!

Congratulations.

You can now call your parents
and safely say

that you are Murdertooth
recording artists

Get Thee Hence!

Yeahhh!!!! Boy!

We got a record
contract!

I'ma buy a octopus.

So where's our advance, son?

Uh, I'm sorry I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Where's our fucking advance?
Ya heard us?

Oh, the advance?
You mean advance money?

Wait, wait, wait.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Are you sure you're even
a fuckin' label?

- Kinds of.
- Toki, shut up!

We're the fucking
real deal, bros!

But look, I mean, shouldn't we get
a contract in place?

You guys hear that fucking
back pedalling bullshit?

Fucking suits.

What?
No, man we're not suits.

We're
your bros!

Toki get my checkbook.

So what,
like five thousand?

What do I look like,
a fucking hooker?

Fifteen?

Keep coming.

- Thirty?
- Uh- uh.

- Forty?
- Pffffffft.

Fifty? Sixty?

Seventy? Eighty?

Ninety? Hundred.

Hundred-ten, hundred twenty,
hundred thirty, hundred forty,

hundred fifty, hundred sixty,
hundred seventy,

hundred eighty, hundred ninety,
two hundred, two ten,

two thirty, two forty,
two fifty, two sixty,

two seventy, two eighty,
two ninety, three hundred.

Five hundred thousand dollars

and that is
my final offer.

Five ten.

Five twenty,
five thirty, five forty.

Six hundred?

Seven hundred, eight hundred,
nine hundred.

A million...

So boys we gots a lots
of works to do.

We needs to records
an albums

and puts it on the market!

Fuck yeah, boy!

Wowee!!!

- So yo, Driver?
- "Driver"?

Where we be
fuckin' staying at?

- Where are we staying?
- We tired!

Better be the Waldoff Asteria.
Or something.

Where ams dey staying?
Answers them.

Stay where you always stay.

You guys got homes,
stay there.

We a signed band!
You should be putting us up!

I ain't got no electricity.

I already
told you that.

Fucking labels.
So lame.

We should've not signed
with these fools.

We're starting a label.

And de first bands we signing
is this hots news band

Get Thee Hence.

"Get Thee Hence"?
Shitty name.

Sounds like Christian rock.
"Get Thee Hence!"

Wow, what does de guy
with de dreads does?

I'm the fucking DJ, bitch.

Yo, I'm the singer, rapper.

I can do both, son!

Rap rock band with a DJ?

Yeeeeeeeah!
That's us, motherfucker!

Somebody tell this band
what year it is.

Ha! They're kidding.

He just means the business
is tough, that's all.

I mean I haven't heard
a note from you guys

and I don't like
anything about you.

That's what I mean.

And him, Murderface
is a failure.

You should know that.
You're in horrible hands.

Yeah well sorry,
but Dethklok's the past!

Murdertooth Records
is the future!

Fuck all of you,
we're moving on

and look at you all --

still working on the same old
tired Dethklok shit!

Desperately trying to hold on
to that dream.

Where are you guys getting
all the money to start your label?

None of your business.

Are you using
your own money?

(grunts)

You're not actually using your own
money, are you?

Ahhh man, you're lucky
I'm on suspension

or I'd answer that.

Here are your sleeping
quarters, my good men.

No need to tip, everything's been
taken care of

courtesy of the label.

What are we,
hired help?

Fuck this shit.

Guys, what's wrong?

Would you sleep here?

No, I have
my own bedroom.

You know what, guys?

We should just fuckin'
bounce, man.

I thought
this label was serious.

So I'm having
some mattresses brought up.

But maybe Toki could let you stay in
his room too?

Nah. This is alright.

Great.

Now as you can see,
I have a lot

of incredibly expensive
historical arti-

(crash!)

Okay, pals!
Gets somes sleeps!

Tomorrows
we works on dats records!

Fuck yeah man!
That guy is cool.

Thanks
for the room!

It's my room actually.

Yo, assistant dude.

- Me?
- Yeah, dildo.

I'm not the assistant.
I'm the label head--

Whatever, motherfucker!

Send up some fucking booze
right fucking now.

Uh guys,
we got a big day tomorrow.

Maybe you shouldn't
party too hard.

I booked and reserved
studio time and it's--

All I hear is "blah blah,
blah, blah, blah."

Go. Get. Us.
Some. Booze.

Yeah, and blow.

Okay...
I'll see what I can do.

Dudes, we're blowing through songs
at record speeds.

We wrote and recorded
47 songs

and it's 2:15 pm.

Something like that
usually takes

about a year and a half!

Maybe because there ams nobodys
cloggings up de process.

It's like kicking Murderface
and Toki out of the band

may have been the best
thing we've ever done.

What the fuck happened here?

Well fucks dude,
leaves us alone, man.

We was ups
all nights partyin!

Toki, can I talk to you
for a second?

What are you doing?

We have to record
these guys!

Why? Who gives a shit?

Toki! The label.

Murdertooth Records.

Oh yeah dat's right.

Get focused!

We're fucking out
so much money Toki.

Do you understand that?!

Ow, you hurting
my arms.

Look, if the CD sells
we'll be in the clear.

You sent in the songwriting
contracts didn't you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good.
Thank God.

'Cause that's
important.

MURDERFACE:
Okay stop.

He's,uh,
is he on heroin?

Yeps.

Most of dis bands has a major
heroin problems.

Deys all ridings dat
white horse.

Are you serious?

They're all heroin
addicts?

Yeah, looks at
the track marks.

I thought they all just had
a lot of arm freckles.

Fuck! Don't they know
the order of shit?

You get famous first then
you become a heroin addict!

Come on guys!

Looks likes we gots
to record ourselves.

Damn it! You're right.

Get some paper and pencils.
We gotta write their album.

Let's get to work.
Time is money.

? ?

Here's it comes agains.

Let's get lucky!

? ?

I need a break.
I'm starving.

You want
something?

Fucks yeah, I'm starvings.

No. The food.

Man, I don't feel so good.

Neither do l.

Neither do l.

Y'all, I think I'm gonna
throw up, man.

Yeah throw up on the floor,
let that asshole clean it up.

? ?

Stop the track.

Dude, it just sounds
too happy.

It sounds
like we're too content.

You're right.
Fuck!

It's missing
something.

Something stupid.
Something fat.

Something disagreeable.

It's missing...
it's missing negativity.

It just came
too fucking easy.

I knew it was
too good to be true.

I mean listen to that.
Listen.

Sounds like we're having fun.

- We were having fun.
- It sounds dildos.

Sounds like a whole bunch
of guitars we ams buryings

because
they ams wrongs.

Yeah. Fuck!

Well what are
we gonna do?

Anybody care if I delete
these 47 songs?

- No.
- No.

(heaving, sobbing)

Hey yo, cleaning man.

We need some cash now,
muthafucker.

Yeah, retardo.

I'm the head of the label.

Didn't I just give you guys
a huge advance?

We fucking spent it!

We need money now!
Let's go!

Worse case scenario we can steal
some of this studio equipment

and sell it
on the streets.

In the meantime,
tell your boss Toki

we need another advance,
muthafucker.

Well, It's been a month
and you've completed

your musical separation.

And now it's time
to make a decision.

Nathan, Skwisgaar, Pickles --

you wrote, recorded
and deleted 47 tracks of music

and completely missed
your deadline.

Toki and Murderface--
you started a label,

produced, wrote, and recorded
an entire record

but today's the day.

You're either in
or you're out of the band.

Gentlemen,
the choice is yours.

Help me.
I'm drowning here.

I just want
them out of my life.

I want my life back.

Just help me.

I was cleaning puke and-
Just help me out.

Just do something.
Come on man.

I just want my life back!

Murderface,
you're a piece of shit.

But
we need you back.

You see, we're too good
without you.

That kinda sucks dick.

Give him
whatever he wants.

And, uh, Toki...

ya know whatever.

It's making news all
around the world!

Dethklok
for the first time in years

is allowing a band
to open up for them!

And
who is this band?

From new metal label
Murdertooth Records

comes Get Thee Hence.

Their CD debuts
the night of the show.

What a push for this
brand-new unknown band!

Toki! We did it!

I never thought it would,

but all this hard work is
actually paying off!

Ohs yeah babes!

And we're finally gonna
clean up on the back-end

because we own
all the fucking publishing!

Actually you don't
own anything.

Sorry to inform you boys,

but all publishing
goes to my clients.

But-but-but how?!

We did all
the paperwork!

Didn't we Toki?

Yeah, I dids
all the paperworks myself.

You filled everything out
in Norwegian, idiot.

That means you get nothing.

Yo, Sorry dudes.
That's business.

Know what I'm sayin?

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen
please welcome

Murdertooth recording artists
Get Thee Hence!

Yo yo yo.
What up, what up!

We are
the Get Thee Hence!!

Know what I'm
sayin, yyeeeeeeah!

Yo what the fuck is up
with you people, man?

This is the real shit,
ya heard me?

Aaaahhh!

Yo, yo that hurts!

Aaaahh! Oh God.

Get off my toe!