Metalocalypse (2006–2013): Season 1, Episode 15 - Religionklok - full transcript
After Murderface suffers a near fatal motorcycle accident, he decided to find religion. His quest runs across the gamut of faiths, from attending a Christian Rock concert, to sitting in at a service at the Church of Satan.
Dethklok frontman Nathan Explosion
is the latest celebrity...
lending his voice to the famous
Books On Tapes series.
He's being paid a reputed one billion
to record all of Shakespeare's works.
And get ready all you MILFs, GMILFs,
and soon-to-be MILFs.
Dethklok's resident Lothario,
Skwisgaar Skwigelf...
has been hitting the night club scene lately
and is also interested in acquiring...
a new stable of FBLs.
Good luck, girls.
Could it be the long awaited
William Murderface side project...
Planet Piss, is going to happen?
This is really going to happen.
The key word here is organization.
It's just, it's all about being professional.
And finally we've all heard
those vicious rumors...
about Pickles the Drummer not really
being as big a drinker as he claims to be.
Well, Pickles is going
to do something about that.
It hurts when people say things that
ain't true, but, you know, in retaliation...
I'm going to do something.
I'm going to drink more
than I ever have in my life.
I believe he will,
and that's the Dethklok Minute.
Oh, bull-!
I got lefts off of Dethklok Minute again!
- That's bull!
- You are receiving a distinguish award.
Mr. Toki Wartooth!
It is of a great honor to present you
with the most distinguished
Argentinian award Los Ninos Favoritico...
I hates kids.
# Do anything for Dethklok
Do anything for Dethklok #
# Do anything for Dethklok #
# Dethklok, Dethklok
Dethklok, Dethklok #
# I'll teach you #
# Who rock #
# Dethklok! Dethklok! #
# Skwisgaar Skwigelf
Taller than a tree #
# Toki Wartooth
Not a bumble bee #
# William Murderface
Murderface, Murderface #
# Pickles the Drummer
Doodily doo #
# Ding-dong
Doodily doodily doo #
# Nathan Explosion #
Toki Wartooth has become
alarmingly popular with children.
This is something
we are not prepared to deal with.
You all know our child control expert,
Professor Jerry Gustav Mangledink.
We must fear children.
We have many successful programs
in place to silence and control children...
but I fear this Toki Wartooth...
his natural child-like ways and children's
affinity towards him may be a threat.
- Do you remember the Sixties?
- Yes, yes I do.
Well, that was just hippies.
Dirty hippies with flowers
and mushrooms and acoustic guitars.
Can you imagine a whole generation
of children raised on metal?
Little Julliette Sarmangsadandle.
She does not have much time left.
With our foundation she gets one last wish.
- And what is that, sweetie?
- I want to meet Toki.
Toki, the Wish for Something foundation
wants you to be their poster boy.
Quite an honor.
- Sick and helpless children.
- I pass.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm not associating myself with kids.
- But these ones are dying, Toki.
- Oh, good.
- You kidding, Toki?
- You don't mean that.
Yes, I dos. Dead!
All you would have to do is spend
a few hours just talking to children.
Well, how comes I can't sit around
and drinks like Pickle?
How comes I can't sit around
and screw sluts or something?
But no, you are the cutesy guy
that kids like.
You got to helps people
gets over their problems.
F- that! You dos it!
Kids, Wish For Something foundation!
I gonna make kids wish theys
was never born! I'm gonna be a demon!
That lives in their nightmares.
Right, teddy bear?
- I'm psyched. You're ready?
- I'm ready.
Got a lot of work to do,
so let's get in there and do it.
All right.
All right, so you got your songs ready?
- Got your lyrics ready? You're organized?
- I got my songs ready.
- You got everything ready to go?
- It's all about organization.
It's time to do it.
It's time to do it.
Yeah, we're ready to go.
- Just ready to go. Ready to go.
- You know what my fear is?
I just hope this doesn't
get bigger than Dethklok.
You know that'd be something, you know.
Well, I will tell you this,
that's a good problem to have.
I guess.
That's a problem you want to have.
That's a good one.
I didn't look at it...
That's a problem you want to have.
Let's go in there.
- Let's do it.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Just let me gather myself.
Gather myself. Get ready.
- We've been here sitting for five hours.
- This just doesn't happen overnight.
OK. OK.
It's only Sunday.
- How are you doing?
- Good. The kids...
- Good. You feeling OK?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause you sound a little slurred.
- Dude, I'm...
Listen, I want you
to engineer this session...
because these guys
are paying me a lot of money...
and I don't want to pay anyone.
I want to keep it all.
I don't want to give it to anybody else,
like a dumb engineer, all right?
- Dude...
- All right, thanks.
All right, now, make sure the levels are...
Yeah, the lights are blinking right here.
All right. Now, I want to do this in one take
'cause this guy wrote a lot of stuff. Got it?
- Yeah.
- All right, here we go.
OK. Go.
"To be or not to be, that is the question.
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer...
"The slings and arrows..."
Nathan, you're going to kill me,
but I totally forgot to press record.
But here's the good news, I'm sorry.
Go, go!
Find the downbeat!
Where's the bass?
Where's the bass?
Find the downbeat!
Go, go, go!
- Go!
- Where's the bass?
Louder!
Do it louder! Come on!
There you go!
Get mad! Get madder!
Stop! We got it!
Hey, come on in.
We got it! It was great. You know,
I got enough to work with. It's Pro Tools.
Yeah!
I'll see you in your nightmares, dickweeds.
- Toki is losing his mind.
- You can see it.
- Isn't he acting weird?
- I know. I've never seen him like this.
- He's turning into a real asshole.
- Can we kick him out of the band?
OK, all right, here's what you do.
He sleeps, sack, bar of soap.
Brain damage, cornfield, gun.
Funeral.
All right. That's may be a little
too harsh for mes to handle.
Maybe you're right.
Looks like I'll have to cancel
Planet Piss. Damn it!
- Why?
- Yeah, why?
'Cause I'm emotional.
I probably have to cancel it. Oh, darn!
If you really want to fire Toki,
I can begin processing the paper work...
but before we do that, I might have a plan.
- That little sick girl is here to see you.
- Tell her to go die.
- Well, she is dying.
- Good.
She made you this DVD.
I'd watch it if I were you.
Oh, jeez.
Hey, can I get you some tequila?
Don't be sad, little girl.
One day you're gonna grow up
and you're gonna be big.
Oh, wait. Nevermind.
Sorry.
I guess whats to cheers up...
a guitar popsicle.
We better get going.
# I am just a girl
Just a speck of worthless dust #
# In this rotten world #
# Yet I must speak to thee #
# There was once a time #
# That I longed for pretty things #
# But now that's changed #
# I long for murder #
# How long should I wait #
# To celebrate my unforgiving hate? #
# Hate #
# I can't wait to be brutal #
# I can't wait to wield a hatchet
Covered with blood #
# 'Cause you're the maggots of my eye #
# You're a piece of rotting pie #
# To me #
# It's been so long since you been young #
# Now you understand #
# Yes, I dos understand #
# Yes he does
Yes, yes, he does #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #
# I am Pickles the Drummer
And I get to sing #
# Here too 'cause I'm drunk and... #
# I am really, really drunk #
# F- you, dickweed
F- you, too #
I'm going to go.
I'm going to lay down now.
I'm going to go lay down now, everybody.
Little girls, wait! Wait!
I'm sorry. I was all screwed up inside.
I was selfish, a selfish idiot
but now I know how wrongs I was.
I have all the times
in the world for you now.
So please, comes back with me.
Oh, my God! No!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
She's dead, she's dead!
Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, no!
Oh, no! She's dead!
She's dead! She's dead!
Oh, my God! Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I killed her!
You killed me!
I'm dead because of you!
That's pitch corrected.
My voice is pitch corrected?
No, your voice is not pitch corrected.
- It's you.
- Can we pitch correct it?
We can do anything.
It's your project. It's your call.
What are our options?
Well, we can uproot it and start over
again if you want.
No, I don't want to do that.
is the latest celebrity...
lending his voice to the famous
Books On Tapes series.
He's being paid a reputed one billion
to record all of Shakespeare's works.
And get ready all you MILFs, GMILFs,
and soon-to-be MILFs.
Dethklok's resident Lothario,
Skwisgaar Skwigelf...
has been hitting the night club scene lately
and is also interested in acquiring...
a new stable of FBLs.
Good luck, girls.
Could it be the long awaited
William Murderface side project...
Planet Piss, is going to happen?
This is really going to happen.
The key word here is organization.
It's just, it's all about being professional.
And finally we've all heard
those vicious rumors...
about Pickles the Drummer not really
being as big a drinker as he claims to be.
Well, Pickles is going
to do something about that.
It hurts when people say things that
ain't true, but, you know, in retaliation...
I'm going to do something.
I'm going to drink more
than I ever have in my life.
I believe he will,
and that's the Dethklok Minute.
Oh, bull-!
I got lefts off of Dethklok Minute again!
- That's bull!
- You are receiving a distinguish award.
Mr. Toki Wartooth!
It is of a great honor to present you
with the most distinguished
Argentinian award Los Ninos Favoritico...
I hates kids.
# Do anything for Dethklok
Do anything for Dethklok #
# Do anything for Dethklok #
# Dethklok, Dethklok
Dethklok, Dethklok #
# I'll teach you #
# Who rock #
# Dethklok! Dethklok! #
# Skwisgaar Skwigelf
Taller than a tree #
# Toki Wartooth
Not a bumble bee #
# William Murderface
Murderface, Murderface #
# Pickles the Drummer
Doodily doo #
# Ding-dong
Doodily doodily doo #
# Nathan Explosion #
Toki Wartooth has become
alarmingly popular with children.
This is something
we are not prepared to deal with.
You all know our child control expert,
Professor Jerry Gustav Mangledink.
We must fear children.
We have many successful programs
in place to silence and control children...
but I fear this Toki Wartooth...
his natural child-like ways and children's
affinity towards him may be a threat.
- Do you remember the Sixties?
- Yes, yes I do.
Well, that was just hippies.
Dirty hippies with flowers
and mushrooms and acoustic guitars.
Can you imagine a whole generation
of children raised on metal?
Little Julliette Sarmangsadandle.
She does not have much time left.
With our foundation she gets one last wish.
- And what is that, sweetie?
- I want to meet Toki.
Toki, the Wish for Something foundation
wants you to be their poster boy.
Quite an honor.
- Sick and helpless children.
- I pass.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm not associating myself with kids.
- But these ones are dying, Toki.
- Oh, good.
- You kidding, Toki?
- You don't mean that.
Yes, I dos. Dead!
All you would have to do is spend
a few hours just talking to children.
Well, how comes I can't sit around
and drinks like Pickle?
How comes I can't sit around
and screw sluts or something?
But no, you are the cutesy guy
that kids like.
You got to helps people
gets over their problems.
F- that! You dos it!
Kids, Wish For Something foundation!
I gonna make kids wish theys
was never born! I'm gonna be a demon!
That lives in their nightmares.
Right, teddy bear?
- I'm psyched. You're ready?
- I'm ready.
Got a lot of work to do,
so let's get in there and do it.
All right.
All right, so you got your songs ready?
- Got your lyrics ready? You're organized?
- I got my songs ready.
- You got everything ready to go?
- It's all about organization.
It's time to do it.
It's time to do it.
Yeah, we're ready to go.
- Just ready to go. Ready to go.
- You know what my fear is?
I just hope this doesn't
get bigger than Dethklok.
You know that'd be something, you know.
Well, I will tell you this,
that's a good problem to have.
I guess.
That's a problem you want to have.
That's a good one.
I didn't look at it...
That's a problem you want to have.
Let's go in there.
- Let's do it.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Just let me gather myself.
Gather myself. Get ready.
- We've been here sitting for five hours.
- This just doesn't happen overnight.
OK. OK.
It's only Sunday.
- How are you doing?
- Good. The kids...
- Good. You feeling OK?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause you sound a little slurred.
- Dude, I'm...
Listen, I want you
to engineer this session...
because these guys
are paying me a lot of money...
and I don't want to pay anyone.
I want to keep it all.
I don't want to give it to anybody else,
like a dumb engineer, all right?
- Dude...
- All right, thanks.
All right, now, make sure the levels are...
Yeah, the lights are blinking right here.
All right. Now, I want to do this in one take
'cause this guy wrote a lot of stuff. Got it?
- Yeah.
- All right, here we go.
OK. Go.
"To be or not to be, that is the question.
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer...
"The slings and arrows..."
Nathan, you're going to kill me,
but I totally forgot to press record.
But here's the good news, I'm sorry.
Go, go!
Find the downbeat!
Where's the bass?
Where's the bass?
Find the downbeat!
Go, go, go!
- Go!
- Where's the bass?
Louder!
Do it louder! Come on!
There you go!
Get mad! Get madder!
Stop! We got it!
Hey, come on in.
We got it! It was great. You know,
I got enough to work with. It's Pro Tools.
Yeah!
I'll see you in your nightmares, dickweeds.
- Toki is losing his mind.
- You can see it.
- Isn't he acting weird?
- I know. I've never seen him like this.
- He's turning into a real asshole.
- Can we kick him out of the band?
OK, all right, here's what you do.
He sleeps, sack, bar of soap.
Brain damage, cornfield, gun.
Funeral.
All right. That's may be a little
too harsh for mes to handle.
Maybe you're right.
Looks like I'll have to cancel
Planet Piss. Damn it!
- Why?
- Yeah, why?
'Cause I'm emotional.
I probably have to cancel it. Oh, darn!
If you really want to fire Toki,
I can begin processing the paper work...
but before we do that, I might have a plan.
- That little sick girl is here to see you.
- Tell her to go die.
- Well, she is dying.
- Good.
She made you this DVD.
I'd watch it if I were you.
Oh, jeez.
Hey, can I get you some tequila?
Don't be sad, little girl.
One day you're gonna grow up
and you're gonna be big.
Oh, wait. Nevermind.
Sorry.
I guess whats to cheers up...
a guitar popsicle.
We better get going.
# I am just a girl
Just a speck of worthless dust #
# In this rotten world #
# Yet I must speak to thee #
# There was once a time #
# That I longed for pretty things #
# But now that's changed #
# I long for murder #
# How long should I wait #
# To celebrate my unforgiving hate? #
# Hate #
# I can't wait to be brutal #
# I can't wait to wield a hatchet
Covered with blood #
# 'Cause you're the maggots of my eye #
# You're a piece of rotting pie #
# To me #
# It's been so long since you been young #
# Now you understand #
# Yes, I dos understand #
# Yes he does
Yes, yes, he does #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #
# I am Pickles the Drummer
And I get to sing #
# Here too 'cause I'm drunk and... #
# I am really, really drunk #
# F- you, dickweed
F- you, too #
I'm going to go.
I'm going to lay down now.
I'm going to go lay down now, everybody.
Little girls, wait! Wait!
I'm sorry. I was all screwed up inside.
I was selfish, a selfish idiot
but now I know how wrongs I was.
I have all the times
in the world for you now.
So please, comes back with me.
Oh, my God! No!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
She's dead, she's dead!
Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, no!
Oh, no! She's dead!
She's dead! She's dead!
Oh, my God! Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I killed her!
You killed me!
I'm dead because of you!
That's pitch corrected.
My voice is pitch corrected?
No, your voice is not pitch corrected.
- It's you.
- Can we pitch correct it?
We can do anything.
It's your project. It's your call.
What are our options?
Well, we can uproot it and start over
again if you want.
No, I don't want to do that.