Medical Police (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Just the D - full transcript
Stop pointing that gun at me.
You came back from the dead
and had us thrown in prison.
- Yeah.
- And you!
You told us you knew
nothing about the virus,
but you're the one who created it!
Yeah.
- And you!
- What?
I used to be mad at you,
but I'm not anymore.
Which brings me back to you.
I put you in prison to keep you safe.
From who?
- Patten.
- What?
- Director Patten?
- He's behind all of this.
Buying Waters' research,
spreading it with 3D printers.
The attack at the Break a Leg show.
Why would the Director
of the Center for Disease Control
wanna kill
millions of people with a virus?
Unless, he's just, like, super ironic.
It was Patten's men
who tried to kill you in Shanghai.
You survived, but there were more coming.
I knew prison
was the safest place for you,
so I paid off the police captain
to lock you up.
- She was saving your life.
- McIntyre is talking!
I began to suspect something
when Patten tried
to slow-walk my investigation in Brazil.
When his agents took down our plane,
I knew for sure.
Yeah, how did you survive
that plane crash?
- I didn't.
- If you're a ghost,
- you need to tell us right now.
- I wasn't on the plane when it crashed.
What? You jumped?
There were no more parachutes!
I know.
But the thing is...
there was another parachute.
Oh!
After the plane crashed, I figured
it was best everyone thought I was dead.
Even you.
So, I laid low
until I had a plan in place.
Wow. That is a boatload of information.
But I gotta say,
it is nice to get our bearings
and understand
everything that's happened to us
- up until this point.
- Sure, yeah.
- So, what's the plan?
- The plan is...
we're all fugitives from justice.
Patten, you son of a bitch.
We need to get somewhere safe
until we can find a cure.
What do you mean, find a cure?
Waters had it in Shanghai!
- Yeah.
- That was a bluff.
I'm close, but I'm not quite there yet.
With your help,
- I know I can get there.
- My help?
I couldn't even pass your virology course.
I know that you and I
can do this together.
Oh, this fucking guy.
Okay. So where do we go?
Somewhere the virus hasn't touched yet.
The remote southeast
Asian country of Bhutan.
Situated between Tibet and India,
Bhutan actually means
Land of the Thunder Dragon.
The country boasts
more than 5,400 species of plants.
The median age of Bhutanese people
is just 22.3 years.
Bhutan's two national sports
are darts and archery.
However, their dart boards
are much smaller
and the darts are larger,
and made from heavy metal.
Oh, fuck!
Look at that tiny dart board.
A 3D printed virus
should be containable, theoretically.
So, all of these cures
fall apart in the last step.
The... the structure is too unstable.
There must be a missing chemical compound.
Look at you. Using that brain of yours.
Boop, boop, boop.
Listen, you've had a rough couple of days.
Let's take a look at that arm, huh?
Ow!
Fuck you!
Sorry, it just stings a little.
So, you never told me
why you left the police force.
I was a rookie cop,
working a big drug case.
We were on a stakeout.
All of a sudden the perps
ran out of the house,
jumped in their vehicles, so...
I started tailing them. I guess I got
a little too close, and they made us.
Shots were fired.
My partner took one in the chest.
And I lost him.
Nothing tougher than losing a partner.
Nah, it gets worse.
At the time, I'd invested a little money
in this bakery
with a cop friend of mine, Jeff.
We called it "Police Bread."
Jeff was great
at coming up with names.
Not so good at food storage.
He insisted on keeping
the heavy bags of flour
up on the top shelf, back in the kitchen.
One morning,
Jeff must have lost his balance,
and a fifty pounder of unbleached,
all-purpose,
came crashing down.
I heard a loud noise, went running back...
but it was too late.
I lost my business partner.
Oh, man, I am so sorry.
Nah, it gets worse.
I sunk into a deep depression
after Police Bread went under.
My racquetball game suffered.
Guy I'd been playing with
for five years, Timothy,
says to me,
"Hey, you're holding back my game."
You lost your racquetball partner.
No, it was just a phase.
Worked on my back hand,
got my game back up,
and Timothy and I still play
every Sunday morning, 8:00 a.m.
But the point is, more often than not,
I lose a partner.
Two outta three. It's not good.
So, that's why
you eventually left the force?
No, I left the force
because of multiple civilian complaints.
Oh.
And also there was some footage of me
stealing some Amazon packages
on Christmas morning.
So, how'd you end up a doctor?
Well, I always had
a knack for surgery as a kid.
You know, I used to experiment
on neighborhood cats and stray dogs.
Sure.
When I quit being a cop,
I just... fell back into it.
Now, whenever I lose someone,
it's just a patient, no big whoop.
At least I get to work alone.
Until now, huh?
There are pros and cons to both.
But mostly, science.
Until now.
Yeah.
- Good work.
- Thanks.
So, what about you, McIntyre?
What happened over in Guam?
Come on!
You and Goldfinch always talk about Guam,
but never tell us
what actually happened over there.
Sure you wanna know?
It's pretty fucked up.
We can skip it.
- We were deep undercover.
- Oh, okay, here we go.
Embedded with a rebel group
that was plotting
a bioterror attack
against the Korean embassy.
To keep our cover
we had to stay off the grid.
But I was cocky. And I got careless.
No!
No!
With one swipe of that card,
I compromised the whole operation.
- Go!
- Go!
Wait,
you go first.
I saved Goldfinch's life that day.
He took seven bullets,
and only three hit major organs.
What are the chances?
I was his lucky charm, I guess.
The rest of my team, not so much.
I blew their cover.
By the time we got back,
they were all dead.
Feels good to finally
get that off my chest. Thanks for li...
I'm gonna go get
some kindling and snacks.
Hey guys, I'm gonna go get
some kindling and snacks!
Okay, I think we can rule out
thermal stability as an issue.
- What is it that we're missing here?
- Well,
maybe we're looking too much at the virus,
and we need to look at the host.
But the virus is the target!
But what about the cells it's infecting?
Why isn't the body
recognizing them as unhealthy?
Maybe it's not infecting them.
Maybe it's confusing them.
What? No. No, no.
No. Look, that's impossible.
No. What?
No. Maybe.
No. No, no, no.
No! What? No, no!
Look. No, no, no! That's just...
That's just impossible!
- Is it?
- Yes, of course, it is.
The virus has attacked the cells,
the cells then replicate the virus.
I... I think you're confused.
This is... This is the wrong path, Lola.
Okay. Right, no, you're right.
I'm stupid, it's stupid.
Can I use your handkerchief?
- Sure.
- I just gotta go wash down my pits.
Stupid Lola.
Ah, okay, yes. Just this stuff.
And...
Okay, uh...
No! Whoa.
Whew!
Let's try cash.
Where's Lola?
She's in the bathroom,
she went to wipe down her pits.
She's not in the bathroom.
How long ago was that?
I don't know, about an hour?
Look, I'm not a woman, I don't know
how long these kinds of things take.
Lola!
I can't stay here.
Trust me, I'd ruin everything.
You don't need me. I'm useless.
I just wanted to say I love you. Lola
What did you say to her?
Well, I mean,
I've said a great many things to her.
- You have to be a little more specific.
- She's gone!
Calm down, man,
she's gonna come back!
Not according to this, she won't.
She loves you. And how do you repay her,
you drive her away?
She loves me? Come on.
Maybe you shouldn't
make her feel so useless.
Because Lola's not useless, Waters.
Lola has uses. Lots of them!
Where are you going, man?
I'm gonna go find Lola.
And I'm gonna make her feel used.
Hi-yah!
Lola!
Lola!
Lola!
Lola!
Owen?
- Lola!
- Owen.
- Lola.
- Hi!
You have to go back.
No, not without you.
No, Owen, I'm sick.
Me, too. I'm worried sick.
- No, I have the virus.
- On your mind.
So do I, it's all I think about.
- Lola, we're on the same page.
- Owen, I'm infected!
Ew! Ah!
See? I can't stay here.
I would just infect you, and then
I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Of course, I would never have to,
because I would be dead from the virus,
but you... you have to let me go.
You don't need me.
Yes, I do. Lola...
I know you love Waters. But listen to me.
I love you.
What? Waters? Gross! I don't love Waters.
- But, what about that note?
- Well, that note...
That note was for you.
I love you.
No, why did you do that?
- You could've just infected yourself!
- I don't care.
Let it infect me,
I'm not gonna be scared anymore.
That virus doesn't stand a chance.
Well, yeah, Waters is brilliant,
but you really think he can find a cure?
No, Lola, I'm talking about you.
I saw you in there.
It was like watching Van Gogh paint,
or... Diane Lane act.
What?
Lola, you're a genius.
And you're gonna cure this virus.
I bet my life on it.
You can't be serious.
I am. I'll put my lips
on that rash right now.
What?
Oh, that tastes weird.
Even the parts of your body
that aren't diseased, like your boobs,
I wouldn't mind kissing those.
A little bit.
Really?
Heck, I'd even go so far
as to have sex with you.
- What?
- If that's what it takes
to make you realize
how amazing I think you are.
- I mean, you don't have to do that.
- I will.
The point is I believe in you,
- and I wanna prove it to you right now.
- Oh, God.
With my dick.
And maybe a couple fingers?
No. No deal. Just the D.
♪ I've been waiting patiently for you ♪
♪ Goosebumps on my skin
Breaking through ♪
♪ Every little thing you do ♪
♪ Every little word you say ♪
♪ Make me wanna cuddle with you ♪
I'm so sorry.
- I just got so excited.
- No, no...
- No, that never happens to me.
- ...it's fine.
- I just...
- Did you?
No, but, um,
I just like to be close to you.
So, should we go back?
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
Did you see my panties anywhere?
No, let's go.
Okay, if I don't use the card,
I won't tip off Patten
about our whereabouts.
But, without the firewood,
which I would use the card to buy,
we will freeze.
Oh! Okay, okay.
This is my credit card.
But,
you are not going to run it right now.
Tomorrow you can charge whatever you want.
But you just can't swipe it today.
You're just gonna wait 24 hours.
No!
Jeez.
I'm never getting out of Bhutan
if I keep pulling boners like this.
- I told you intercourse feels good.
- It does, it really does.
Well, lots to report.
Lola and I just had sex.
- She's also dying of the virus.
- Right.
Show him the rash.
My God. Lola, no.
Oh, don't get emotional.
She's not your girlfriend.
Aw! Because I'm your girlfriend?
But, yeah. I'm really sick.
How is the cure coming?
Well, I actually think
I might have something.
It's just a preliminary antidote,
but I think it could work.
- Here it is.
- Bad news!
Shh!
Shh!
Do you hear that?
Right there.
I think they found us!
Nobody move.
We're not mad. We're just disappointed.
Sir.
You guys have become
a real pain in my ass, you know that?
Oh, I'm sorry. Did we get
in the way of your bioterrorism?
A few lost lives is a small price to pay
for saving the world!
- What?
- Pop quiz!
What will be the thing
that finally destroys all of mankind?
- Aliens!
- Unicorns.
I saw Neil Diamond destroy an arena
full of mankind in Tahoe last year,
but all jokes aside,
I'm gonna go with Owen, aliens.
Viruses.
It'll be a viral outbreak that one day
wipes us all out.
Oh, but nobody wants
to believe that, do they?
So, I decided to do something about it.
By starting a global pandemic?
That's insane.
No!
No, that is good public health policy.
Killing millions is good policy?
- Those deaths are on your heads.
- What?
Oh, my plan was just a few mini outbreaks,
via the 3D printers, two or three
hundred deaths, just enough
so that the government
would address this issue head-on.
But you Encyclopedias Brown
managed to thwart the attack so quickly
that nobody, nobody,
even recognized the true danger!
I had no choice.
I had to create an even larger outbreak.
But you're killing innocent people.
- To save millions more!
- Okay.
Anyway, uh...
what's done is done.
All I needed was a cure.
I'm gonna stop that virus in its tracks,
the CDC will get the funding it needs,
the world will wake up,
and hundreds of millions
of future deaths will be averted.
Professor Waters?
Well, this actually turned out to be
quite a bit more difficult
than I had anticipated.
But I believe I actually
do have a cure now.
We can try it out on Dr. Spratt
in order to confirm that it works.
Okay.
Just get on with it,
we have lives to save.
Okay.
- I'm gonna cure you, Lola.
- Okay.
Oh, in the neck?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, same spot, oh.
Oh, ow!
We should be able to tell whether or not
it's working in just a few seconds.
We're gonna need to mass-produce this
and airdrop it worldwide.
- Ah...
- Yeah?
Fuck.
What?
The virus sped up!
The whole cure, it's fucked!
- Totally fucked!
- You said you had it.
The whole thing sucks shit.
It sucks a big, hairy,
disgusting piece of shit.
Why are you so bad at this?
It's your virus! Fix it!
It's not my virus!
What?
What is that?
I think that's our ride.
Did someone call shotgun?
Whoo!
Oh, no, it's a handgun.
Get to the van! Get to the van!
I can't... I can't do this.
You guys should go.
Reloading. Come on.
No. I won't leave you.
I'm not gonna lose another partner.
I'm out!
- What?
- Fuck!
- Go, you guys! Run!
- What? What are you doing?
It's time for me
to be of some use, finally.
- What?
- Go, now! Move!
If you wanna get to them,
you're gonna have to go through me!
Go! Go! Go!
That's good!
Get down!
Woo!
Well, that was easy.
Like Guam divided by 14, right?
I'm so happy you are alive, my friend.
Do you think Professor Waters is okay?
No, honey, not at all.
Maybe, up until the grenade part, but...
Oh, right.
What do you think he meant
by the virus wasn't his?
Goldfinch. You need to take us to Brazil.
What? Why?
I know who created the virus.
It was me.
You came back from the dead
and had us thrown in prison.
- Yeah.
- And you!
You told us you knew
nothing about the virus,
but you're the one who created it!
Yeah.
- And you!
- What?
I used to be mad at you,
but I'm not anymore.
Which brings me back to you.
I put you in prison to keep you safe.
From who?
- Patten.
- What?
- Director Patten?
- He's behind all of this.
Buying Waters' research,
spreading it with 3D printers.
The attack at the Break a Leg show.
Why would the Director
of the Center for Disease Control
wanna kill
millions of people with a virus?
Unless, he's just, like, super ironic.
It was Patten's men
who tried to kill you in Shanghai.
You survived, but there were more coming.
I knew prison
was the safest place for you,
so I paid off the police captain
to lock you up.
- She was saving your life.
- McIntyre is talking!
I began to suspect something
when Patten tried
to slow-walk my investigation in Brazil.
When his agents took down our plane,
I knew for sure.
Yeah, how did you survive
that plane crash?
- I didn't.
- If you're a ghost,
- you need to tell us right now.
- I wasn't on the plane when it crashed.
What? You jumped?
There were no more parachutes!
I know.
But the thing is...
there was another parachute.
Oh!
After the plane crashed, I figured
it was best everyone thought I was dead.
Even you.
So, I laid low
until I had a plan in place.
Wow. That is a boatload of information.
But I gotta say,
it is nice to get our bearings
and understand
everything that's happened to us
- up until this point.
- Sure, yeah.
- So, what's the plan?
- The plan is...
we're all fugitives from justice.
Patten, you son of a bitch.
We need to get somewhere safe
until we can find a cure.
What do you mean, find a cure?
Waters had it in Shanghai!
- Yeah.
- That was a bluff.
I'm close, but I'm not quite there yet.
With your help,
- I know I can get there.
- My help?
I couldn't even pass your virology course.
I know that you and I
can do this together.
Oh, this fucking guy.
Okay. So where do we go?
Somewhere the virus hasn't touched yet.
The remote southeast
Asian country of Bhutan.
Situated between Tibet and India,
Bhutan actually means
Land of the Thunder Dragon.
The country boasts
more than 5,400 species of plants.
The median age of Bhutanese people
is just 22.3 years.
Bhutan's two national sports
are darts and archery.
However, their dart boards
are much smaller
and the darts are larger,
and made from heavy metal.
Oh, fuck!
Look at that tiny dart board.
A 3D printed virus
should be containable, theoretically.
So, all of these cures
fall apart in the last step.
The... the structure is too unstable.
There must be a missing chemical compound.
Look at you. Using that brain of yours.
Boop, boop, boop.
Listen, you've had a rough couple of days.
Let's take a look at that arm, huh?
Ow!
Fuck you!
Sorry, it just stings a little.
So, you never told me
why you left the police force.
I was a rookie cop,
working a big drug case.
We were on a stakeout.
All of a sudden the perps
ran out of the house,
jumped in their vehicles, so...
I started tailing them. I guess I got
a little too close, and they made us.
Shots were fired.
My partner took one in the chest.
And I lost him.
Nothing tougher than losing a partner.
Nah, it gets worse.
At the time, I'd invested a little money
in this bakery
with a cop friend of mine, Jeff.
We called it "Police Bread."
Jeff was great
at coming up with names.
Not so good at food storage.
He insisted on keeping
the heavy bags of flour
up on the top shelf, back in the kitchen.
One morning,
Jeff must have lost his balance,
and a fifty pounder of unbleached,
all-purpose,
came crashing down.
I heard a loud noise, went running back...
but it was too late.
I lost my business partner.
Oh, man, I am so sorry.
Nah, it gets worse.
I sunk into a deep depression
after Police Bread went under.
My racquetball game suffered.
Guy I'd been playing with
for five years, Timothy,
says to me,
"Hey, you're holding back my game."
You lost your racquetball partner.
No, it was just a phase.
Worked on my back hand,
got my game back up,
and Timothy and I still play
every Sunday morning, 8:00 a.m.
But the point is, more often than not,
I lose a partner.
Two outta three. It's not good.
So, that's why
you eventually left the force?
No, I left the force
because of multiple civilian complaints.
Oh.
And also there was some footage of me
stealing some Amazon packages
on Christmas morning.
So, how'd you end up a doctor?
Well, I always had
a knack for surgery as a kid.
You know, I used to experiment
on neighborhood cats and stray dogs.
Sure.
When I quit being a cop,
I just... fell back into it.
Now, whenever I lose someone,
it's just a patient, no big whoop.
At least I get to work alone.
Until now, huh?
There are pros and cons to both.
But mostly, science.
Until now.
Yeah.
- Good work.
- Thanks.
So, what about you, McIntyre?
What happened over in Guam?
Come on!
You and Goldfinch always talk about Guam,
but never tell us
what actually happened over there.
Sure you wanna know?
It's pretty fucked up.
We can skip it.
- We were deep undercover.
- Oh, okay, here we go.
Embedded with a rebel group
that was plotting
a bioterror attack
against the Korean embassy.
To keep our cover
we had to stay off the grid.
But I was cocky. And I got careless.
No!
No!
With one swipe of that card,
I compromised the whole operation.
- Go!
- Go!
Wait,
you go first.
I saved Goldfinch's life that day.
He took seven bullets,
and only three hit major organs.
What are the chances?
I was his lucky charm, I guess.
The rest of my team, not so much.
I blew their cover.
By the time we got back,
they were all dead.
Feels good to finally
get that off my chest. Thanks for li...
I'm gonna go get
some kindling and snacks.
Hey guys, I'm gonna go get
some kindling and snacks!
Okay, I think we can rule out
thermal stability as an issue.
- What is it that we're missing here?
- Well,
maybe we're looking too much at the virus,
and we need to look at the host.
But the virus is the target!
But what about the cells it's infecting?
Why isn't the body
recognizing them as unhealthy?
Maybe it's not infecting them.
Maybe it's confusing them.
What? No. No, no.
No. Look, that's impossible.
No. What?
No. Maybe.
No. No, no, no.
No! What? No, no!
Look. No, no, no! That's just...
That's just impossible!
- Is it?
- Yes, of course, it is.
The virus has attacked the cells,
the cells then replicate the virus.
I... I think you're confused.
This is... This is the wrong path, Lola.
Okay. Right, no, you're right.
I'm stupid, it's stupid.
Can I use your handkerchief?
- Sure.
- I just gotta go wash down my pits.
Stupid Lola.
Ah, okay, yes. Just this stuff.
And...
Okay, uh...
No! Whoa.
Whew!
Let's try cash.
Where's Lola?
She's in the bathroom,
she went to wipe down her pits.
She's not in the bathroom.
How long ago was that?
I don't know, about an hour?
Look, I'm not a woman, I don't know
how long these kinds of things take.
Lola!
I can't stay here.
Trust me, I'd ruin everything.
You don't need me. I'm useless.
I just wanted to say I love you. Lola
What did you say to her?
Well, I mean,
I've said a great many things to her.
- You have to be a little more specific.
- She's gone!
Calm down, man,
she's gonna come back!
Not according to this, she won't.
She loves you. And how do you repay her,
you drive her away?
She loves me? Come on.
Maybe you shouldn't
make her feel so useless.
Because Lola's not useless, Waters.
Lola has uses. Lots of them!
Where are you going, man?
I'm gonna go find Lola.
And I'm gonna make her feel used.
Hi-yah!
Lola!
Lola!
Lola!
Lola!
Owen?
- Lola!
- Owen.
- Lola.
- Hi!
You have to go back.
No, not without you.
No, Owen, I'm sick.
Me, too. I'm worried sick.
- No, I have the virus.
- On your mind.
So do I, it's all I think about.
- Lola, we're on the same page.
- Owen, I'm infected!
Ew! Ah!
See? I can't stay here.
I would just infect you, and then
I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Of course, I would never have to,
because I would be dead from the virus,
but you... you have to let me go.
You don't need me.
Yes, I do. Lola...
I know you love Waters. But listen to me.
I love you.
What? Waters? Gross! I don't love Waters.
- But, what about that note?
- Well, that note...
That note was for you.
I love you.
No, why did you do that?
- You could've just infected yourself!
- I don't care.
Let it infect me,
I'm not gonna be scared anymore.
That virus doesn't stand a chance.
Well, yeah, Waters is brilliant,
but you really think he can find a cure?
No, Lola, I'm talking about you.
I saw you in there.
It was like watching Van Gogh paint,
or... Diane Lane act.
What?
Lola, you're a genius.
And you're gonna cure this virus.
I bet my life on it.
You can't be serious.
I am. I'll put my lips
on that rash right now.
What?
Oh, that tastes weird.
Even the parts of your body
that aren't diseased, like your boobs,
I wouldn't mind kissing those.
A little bit.
Really?
Heck, I'd even go so far
as to have sex with you.
- What?
- If that's what it takes
to make you realize
how amazing I think you are.
- I mean, you don't have to do that.
- I will.
The point is I believe in you,
- and I wanna prove it to you right now.
- Oh, God.
With my dick.
And maybe a couple fingers?
No. No deal. Just the D.
♪ I've been waiting patiently for you ♪
♪ Goosebumps on my skin
Breaking through ♪
♪ Every little thing you do ♪
♪ Every little word you say ♪
♪ Make me wanna cuddle with you ♪
I'm so sorry.
- I just got so excited.
- No, no...
- No, that never happens to me.
- ...it's fine.
- I just...
- Did you?
No, but, um,
I just like to be close to you.
So, should we go back?
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
Did you see my panties anywhere?
No, let's go.
Okay, if I don't use the card,
I won't tip off Patten
about our whereabouts.
But, without the firewood,
which I would use the card to buy,
we will freeze.
Oh! Okay, okay.
This is my credit card.
But,
you are not going to run it right now.
Tomorrow you can charge whatever you want.
But you just can't swipe it today.
You're just gonna wait 24 hours.
No!
Jeez.
I'm never getting out of Bhutan
if I keep pulling boners like this.
- I told you intercourse feels good.
- It does, it really does.
Well, lots to report.
Lola and I just had sex.
- She's also dying of the virus.
- Right.
Show him the rash.
My God. Lola, no.
Oh, don't get emotional.
She's not your girlfriend.
Aw! Because I'm your girlfriend?
But, yeah. I'm really sick.
How is the cure coming?
Well, I actually think
I might have something.
It's just a preliminary antidote,
but I think it could work.
- Here it is.
- Bad news!
Shh!
Shh!
Do you hear that?
Right there.
I think they found us!
Nobody move.
We're not mad. We're just disappointed.
Sir.
You guys have become
a real pain in my ass, you know that?
Oh, I'm sorry. Did we get
in the way of your bioterrorism?
A few lost lives is a small price to pay
for saving the world!
- What?
- Pop quiz!
What will be the thing
that finally destroys all of mankind?
- Aliens!
- Unicorns.
I saw Neil Diamond destroy an arena
full of mankind in Tahoe last year,
but all jokes aside,
I'm gonna go with Owen, aliens.
Viruses.
It'll be a viral outbreak that one day
wipes us all out.
Oh, but nobody wants
to believe that, do they?
So, I decided to do something about it.
By starting a global pandemic?
That's insane.
No!
No, that is good public health policy.
Killing millions is good policy?
- Those deaths are on your heads.
- What?
Oh, my plan was just a few mini outbreaks,
via the 3D printers, two or three
hundred deaths, just enough
so that the government
would address this issue head-on.
But you Encyclopedias Brown
managed to thwart the attack so quickly
that nobody, nobody,
even recognized the true danger!
I had no choice.
I had to create an even larger outbreak.
But you're killing innocent people.
- To save millions more!
- Okay.
Anyway, uh...
what's done is done.
All I needed was a cure.
I'm gonna stop that virus in its tracks,
the CDC will get the funding it needs,
the world will wake up,
and hundreds of millions
of future deaths will be averted.
Professor Waters?
Well, this actually turned out to be
quite a bit more difficult
than I had anticipated.
But I believe I actually
do have a cure now.
We can try it out on Dr. Spratt
in order to confirm that it works.
Okay.
Just get on with it,
we have lives to save.
Okay.
- I'm gonna cure you, Lola.
- Okay.
Oh, in the neck?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, same spot, oh.
Oh, ow!
We should be able to tell whether or not
it's working in just a few seconds.
We're gonna need to mass-produce this
and airdrop it worldwide.
- Ah...
- Yeah?
Fuck.
What?
The virus sped up!
The whole cure, it's fucked!
- Totally fucked!
- You said you had it.
The whole thing sucks shit.
It sucks a big, hairy,
disgusting piece of shit.
Why are you so bad at this?
It's your virus! Fix it!
It's not my virus!
What?
What is that?
I think that's our ride.
Did someone call shotgun?
Whoo!
Oh, no, it's a handgun.
Get to the van! Get to the van!
I can't... I can't do this.
You guys should go.
Reloading. Come on.
No. I won't leave you.
I'm not gonna lose another partner.
I'm out!
- What?
- Fuck!
- Go, you guys! Run!
- What? What are you doing?
It's time for me
to be of some use, finally.
- What?
- Go, now! Move!
If you wanna get to them,
you're gonna have to go through me!
Go! Go! Go!
That's good!
Get down!
Woo!
Well, that was easy.
Like Guam divided by 14, right?
I'm so happy you are alive, my friend.
Do you think Professor Waters is okay?
No, honey, not at all.
Maybe, up until the grenade part, but...
Oh, right.
What do you think he meant
by the virus wasn't his?
Goldfinch. You need to take us to Brazil.
What? Why?
I know who created the virus.
It was me.