Medical Police (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Dumb Doggy - full transcript
If anyone can help us crack this virus,
it's Professor Waters.
Okay, and if he can't, I say we just
forget the whole thing, you know?
- What?
- Just pretend like it never even happened.
Owen, this isn't like global warming.
You can't just wish it away.
[man] So...
after befriending the locals
in the remote Nepalese village,
the elders permitted me to excavate
their ancient farmland, but...
how was I able to find
these intact viral samples
that had dated back for millennia?
Anyone?
Anyone at all?
[gentle piano music playing]
Well, perhaps my former student,
Dr. Spratt,
can help us out here.
What do you say, Lola?
How was I able to find
these intact tissue samples?
- Because you searched...
- In your butt. Please say in your butt.
Shut up.
- ...above the permafrost.
- Above the permafrost.
Dr. Lola Spratt, everyone.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
All right. Thank you, class.
That'll be all.
Please don't forget to read chapter two:
Clinical Signs of Advanced Pathogenesis.
It is a real page turner,
and I don't say that just because
I happen to be the author.
Lola, my darling.
What a pleasure to have you back
gracing my lecture hall again.
Professor.
[Waters] Mmm.
Okay...
- [Lola chuckles]
- You know, it feels like only yesterday,
we were sequencing Ebola
over tea and croissants.
I'm so sorry. Dr. Richard Waters,
professor of virology.
Oh, I'm sorry. Dr. Owen Maestro,
surgeon of children.
- So, how long have you two been married?
- [Lola] What?
- Oh, no.
- Ew.
- No way! No. Not us.
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh!
- No. We work together...
- Gross.
...at a children's hospital,
Childrens Hospital.
Caring for children. That's the real work.
Wish I had the stomach for it, but...
I've always been more comfortable
with my tush perched up on a stool
and my nose behind the microscope.
- Yes, you have.
- I must say, Lola,
that's where I always assumed
your nose would end up, too.
In his tush?
So, what brings you two here today?
Well, we need your help, Professor.
Something bad has happened.
Very bad.
Like really...
bad.
Well, I'd hoped I would
never live to see this day.
September 24th?
A day when a man-made virus
would threaten all mankind.
- Let's look on the screen.
- What are we looking for, Professor?
[Waters] Well, if the São Paulo virus
is man-made,
it should bear
some of man's imperfections,
his foibles, his ego.
- What do you see right there?
- A portion of the lipid envelope,
- but it looks torn.
- Not torn.
Cut with a minute and precise incision.
But why would someone do that?
To claim credit.
What do you see right there?
[Lola] Letters.
[Owen] M. R. N.?
Matteo Roberto Neri.
A master of viral manipulation
and bioterror.
[Lola] I remember
reading about him in school.
He's the one that engineered
that hemorrhagic monkey-pox outbreak
that brought Namibia to its knees.
The rumor was he'd accidentally infected
himself with one of his hideous creations.
Many people believed he was dead,
others weren't so sure.
The vast majority actually have
no opinion on the subject whatsoever.
If he is alive, though,
you'll never be able to find him.
Well, then what are we supposed to do?
Everything you need is right up there.
- Boop!
- Okay, well that's all well and good,
but if our one lead
is impossible to find...
Here it is, 1999 he checked himself
into a hospital in Florence, Italy.
- No record of him ever checking out.
- [Lola] Okay.
Well, let's go to Florence, Italy
and check out those medical records,
and then afterwards to celebrate
we can get some of their famous
spaghetti and meatballs.
- Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm afraid I must go.
There's a dean's coffee
in the Founder's Quad.
- Oh.
- It's been so lovely seeing you again.
- Yes.
- Good luck,
but you must promise me
you'll be careful out there.
Remember what happened
to the last two doctors
who went searching
for an infamous bioterrorist.
Never heard of them.
Exactly.
I would love to hear
about them at some point.
I mean, that's exactly what we're doing.
So, Italy's most sensitive medical files
are all kept in there, huh?
[Lola] Yup. I didn't count
on all the guards, though.
[Owen] Shouldn't be a problem.
- How we going to get around them?
- I got an idea. Come on!
[Lola] Okay, what have you got?
[whispers] Shit!
You just have Scotch tape in your pocket?
Yeah.
You've had it in your pocket
this whole time?
Yeah.
- In Berlin, you had it?
- Yeah.
- And then in Dartmouth, you had it?
- Yup.
- Then here in Italy, you had it?
- Right again.
- Wait. Jumping out the plane, you had it?
- Yeah.
[exhales]
- Okay. Stand back.
- Okay.
Hi-ya!
Oh, cool.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Maybe you should've made
the hole a little bit bigger?
- Ow, ow, ow.
- [glass crunching]
[Owen grunting]
Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit, holy shit.
[suspense music playing]
- I'm in.
- Okay.
I'm in.
- Just act like you work here.
- Okay.
Hello. Cold one, huh? I work here.
Oh, hello. I work with you also.
[beeping]
Okay.
- Key card.
- What?
Get the key card.
[speaking Italian]
[smooching]
Just unclip it from the pocket.
- [lock beeps]
- [Owen] I'm in.
Where is it?
In exactly three minutes
she's going to figure out
her card is missing and come looking.
- Where'd you get that number?
- Two minutes, 56 seconds.
Whatever you say.
Where are we? Okay! Look.
It's right here.
Neri's file's got to be in here somewhere.
[inhales, sighs]
Don't you just love that old paper smell?
There's so much history in here.
[Owen] Let's see if Marco Polo
really drowned in a pool.
Hey! I got it! I got Neri's file.
Okay, I got it. Ah, let's see.
- Hey, look. Italian Playboy.
- Owen.
- What?
- The light.
[speaking Italian]
[alarm blares]
Come on. Let's go.
- Owen!
- I'll come back for you, girls.
[guard speaking Italian]
Yup, Neri accidentally
infected himself in '99.
He was quarantined for months.
[Owen] What an idiot.
Well, this says he needs daily injections
of an experimental
and highly risky antiviral treatment.
You can't find this stuff anywhere.
It was outlawed years ago.
[speaks Italian]
So, we find who gives him the meds,
- we find Neri.
- Yeah.
It's locked!
I'm in.
- Only one way out.
- Let's do this.
[dramatic music playing]
[alarm continues blaring]
- Three...
- Three...
[giving orders in italian]
- Two...
- Two...
- One.
- One.
[both grunting]
[in Italian] Shit.
I've never seen someone die before.
[gasping, groaning]
[grunting]
[in English] God, oh, my God.
Fuck! Holy shit!
Holy shit!
[sobbing]
- That was badass.
- Yeah, that was a really good job.
- That was total badass!
- Yeah.
[wincing]
Holy shit! Holy shit!
[Lola] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[both continue grunting, groaning]
To the airport, please.
Si, signore
- Is anybody following us?
- No, I think we're good.
- Okay.
- I bet you they saw
how hard it was to hit that mattress
- and they just gave up.
- Yeah.
- So where to now?
- Well...
there's one underground clinic
where people with enough money
could go to get the kind of illegal
treatment that Neri needed.
It's in Africa.
Really? Africa?
Okay, driver. Turn the car around.
We're going to Africa, please.
[indistinct chatter in Italian]
[sinister music playing]
[in Italian] Excuse me,
can I see your clearance?
[Patten] What's important is that
our people are working directly
with local biohazard response teams
in each outbreak city.
Sir? It's Senator Barney for you.
Barney?
What? Tell her... I'm in a meeting.
No, no, she'll never buy that.
Oh...
Fuck it! Put her on.
Senator, how are you?
Have you seen
the latest casualty numbers?
Yes, ma'am.
Two hundred and thirty-seven infected.
And two hundred
and twenty-eight of them are dead.
But how lucky
are those nine survivors, huh?
Oh, wow! Nine whole survivors.
I guess they... Maybe they should start
their own baseball team.
Well, they're still very ill, ma'am,
but we could start designing uniforms,
get things organized,
but I wouldn't put people on the field
until they are fully...
Listen, Patten,
we've got cities under attack
on every continent,
with the high probability
that this virus will jump quarantine.
Now, if this reaches the U.S.,
there's going to be mass panic.
What do I tell my constituents?
My constituents
can't vote for me if they're dead.
With respect, Senator,
this kind of attack is exactly why
I've been urging Congress
to increase our funding.
Oh, now you're gonna be all,
"This kind of attack
is exactly why you've been urging
Congress to increase our funding"?
I'm just saying that this kind of attack
is exactly why I've been urging Congress
to increase our funding.
Show me your department
can handle this outbreak
and you'll have my full support
at the next budget hearing.
In the meantime, Patten,
you need to get your arms around this,
or you'll be getting your arms
busy opening want ads,
because you'll be out of a job
and will need new employment.
[Owen]
This is the clinic where Neri's holed up?
[Lola] Yeah. Let's just find him,
get the cure, and get out of here.
[reporter]...continue to gather
information. Back to you, Jim.
At this point the virus
seems limited to five cities.
Now experts have no idea
who made this one-of-a-kind virus.
It was me!
It's literally written on the virus!
My masterpiece,
and nobody knows. [wheezes]
- Your morning infusion, signore.
- Oh, be careful, Lorenzo.
These treatments have made my flesh weak,
like an overripe peach.
- [phone buzzes]
- [wheezes]
Yes. What?
No. You're kidding me. When?
Right now?
Oh, how about that, huh?
It's a good thing you called.
If anything changes
you call me back, huh?
Due American agents
are coming to apprehend me.
- What?
- They'll be here any moment.
We have to run! Or hide!
[laughs]
Why are you laughing?
They know it was me.
I'm famous again!
This place is a fortress.
A goddamn, shit-hole, blown-out fortress.
There she is.
Anais des Jardin. She runs this place.
Disgraced researcher from Normandy.
She had her medical license revoked
because they found out
she was running tests on children.
What a monster!
Well, to be fair
she was testing them for malaria
and then curing them of the malaria.
Oh, well, that's not so bad.
But then harvesting their organs
for the black market.
- That I have mixed feelings about.
- Yeah.
Is that Neri?
[man] Oh, hey, morning, Hanzi.
I am Hanzi.
From what I can gather,
that's a man named Hanzi.
Wow, we're never gonna get anywhere
near Neri without des Jardin's help.
- Wait, I think I got it.
- I'm listening.
- Okay, we need to fit in, right?
- Uh-huh.
- And this is a medical facility.
- Yeah.
- And what are we?
- Just friends.
But to make money we...
Sell clothes on eBay.
- But professionally we are...
- We are doctors!
I think you know
where I'm going with this.
Hello. We are interior decorators,
and from the looks of this place,
we got here just in time.
My name is Nathan LeMuir.
This is my associate...
Lola Spratt.
Dr. Lola Spratt.
- Who sent you?
- An old client of ours,
Matteo Neri.
I believe he is a patient here.
- He told you about this place?
- [Lola] Of course he did.
He's an old friend of ours.
He tells us everything.
Signor Neri, we have to go. Now!
Do not worry, my faithful Lorenzo.
I have a plan, huh?
Look, I understand
given your line of work,
that interior decorating's not high
on your list of priorities,
but that doesn't mean
we can't introduce
- a splash of color...
- Mm-hmm.
...a little bit of warmth,
maybe some brass.
Ooh! I'm thinking pillows.
Decorative pillows.
Maybe a sensible throw.
What about a table?
How about a coat rack?
Maybe a bean bag.
- Lighting.
- A chair.
Coffee tables.
- Chairs.
- I'm thinking tapestries,
tapestries, tapestries,
everywhere.
She's right about that.
She's right about that.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Great, great.
- So...
- Why don't we start with a tour?
Maybe we could look
at our friend Matteo Neri's room.
We know him.
[Neri] Hey, Hanzi! Come here.
I wanna knock you out
and pretend I'm you.
Come here.
[whistles]
- I am Hanzi.
- Yeah, no shit.
[punches landing]
I am loving the distressed look
of the architecture.
Oh, and these bullet holes
are just charming.
Yes.
Oh, look at those chairs.
- Chairs.
- Good morning, Hanzi.
- Still doing your exercise?
- I'm Hanzi.
That's Hanzi, always saying who he is.
- Signor Neri!
- Oh, uh,
we should do this next part alone.
You know, he may not be willing
to be honest
about the facility's
aesthetic in front of you.
- Okay. Make it fast then.
- Thank you.
- There he is.
- Okay.
It's over, Neri!
[muffled] I am Hanzi.
I am Hanzi.
- What?
- What?
I am Hanzi.
It's not him.
[gasps]
The other Hanzi we passed!
That's Neri! Oh! I am kicking myself.
- I got kicked!
- I got punched!
[sinister music playing]
Holy shit!
These two are mine!
That's the woman
who tried to kill us on the plane.
She should be dead.
Come on, come on!
Hey! You're under arrest,
you piece of crap!
- [speaks Italian]
- [both groan]
[speaks Italian]
Pick me up now! Bring the truck around!
Got me right in the throat!
[in deep voice] And I just shaved down
my Adam's apple, too.
It looks great, by the way.
I meant to tell you.
We should go after him.
- [in regular voice] Okay, I'm good.
- Yeah. Me, too.
[dramatic music playing]
[Lola] Stop!
[Lola] Stop! Neri!
We know what you did,
and we need the cure.
- [gunshot]
- [gasping]
I am Hanzi.
[Neri] Okay.
You're a doctor, right?
What do you think of my work?
Your virus? It's terrifying...
and beautiful.
It is more than beautiful.
It is perfecto!
I only wish I could have meet
the person who created it.
- What? You created it.
- No!
I was merely following instructions.
I was given a beautiful road map,
and I used it to build
a spectacular road!
Wait, you used a road map to build a road?
The real question
you should be asking yourself is:
Who built the map?
Who built the map? Ah!
This metaphor is a disaster!
Tell us who designed the virus!
On your knees, macaroni and cheese.
That's offensive.
Stop!
[gunshots]
Goodbye, my silly American friends.
[repeating] No!
Get him!
- Please! Hang on!
- I am!
My poor soft flesh
cannot handle the strain!
- Don't let go!
- I won't!
I'm coming apart!
[wet squelching]
[both screaming]
Oh, gross! Oh, gross!
- Oh, God.
- No!
Do you smell that?
Oh, God! Gross!
- Gross.
- Oh, my God.
And the sound, the sound...
It was like... So, like...
wet?
[both spluttering, heaving]
- [splutters]
- Stop it! Shut up. Shut the fuck up!
Great.
The only person who might have
had the cure, and he's dead.
All that work was for nothing.
[panting]
- [groans]
- Ew, ew, ew.
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
Wallet. Could be something
on his cell phone.
- It's locked. What is that?
- What?
[Lola] Oh, we need his face to unlock it.
- Let's get his face.
- [barking, snarling[
- No!
- Bad dog!
- Get out of there, you dang dog!
- Bad dog!
You dumb doggy! You get! Get!
Oh, great.
We blew it.
We're stuck out here
in the middle of Africa.
We're out of time. We got nothing.
Oh.
Look. It's Neri when he was a kid.
Yeah.
- [suspense music playing]
- Oh, my God.
Neri has a twin.
it's Professor Waters.
Okay, and if he can't, I say we just
forget the whole thing, you know?
- What?
- Just pretend like it never even happened.
Owen, this isn't like global warming.
You can't just wish it away.
[man] So...
after befriending the locals
in the remote Nepalese village,
the elders permitted me to excavate
their ancient farmland, but...
how was I able to find
these intact viral samples
that had dated back for millennia?
Anyone?
Anyone at all?
[gentle piano music playing]
Well, perhaps my former student,
Dr. Spratt,
can help us out here.
What do you say, Lola?
How was I able to find
these intact tissue samples?
- Because you searched...
- In your butt. Please say in your butt.
Shut up.
- ...above the permafrost.
- Above the permafrost.
Dr. Lola Spratt, everyone.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
All right. Thank you, class.
That'll be all.
Please don't forget to read chapter two:
Clinical Signs of Advanced Pathogenesis.
It is a real page turner,
and I don't say that just because
I happen to be the author.
Lola, my darling.
What a pleasure to have you back
gracing my lecture hall again.
Professor.
[Waters] Mmm.
Okay...
- [Lola chuckles]
- You know, it feels like only yesterday,
we were sequencing Ebola
over tea and croissants.
I'm so sorry. Dr. Richard Waters,
professor of virology.
Oh, I'm sorry. Dr. Owen Maestro,
surgeon of children.
- So, how long have you two been married?
- [Lola] What?
- Oh, no.
- Ew.
- No way! No. Not us.
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh!
- No. We work together...
- Gross.
...at a children's hospital,
Childrens Hospital.
Caring for children. That's the real work.
Wish I had the stomach for it, but...
I've always been more comfortable
with my tush perched up on a stool
and my nose behind the microscope.
- Yes, you have.
- I must say, Lola,
that's where I always assumed
your nose would end up, too.
In his tush?
So, what brings you two here today?
Well, we need your help, Professor.
Something bad has happened.
Very bad.
Like really...
bad.
Well, I'd hoped I would
never live to see this day.
September 24th?
A day when a man-made virus
would threaten all mankind.
- Let's look on the screen.
- What are we looking for, Professor?
[Waters] Well, if the São Paulo virus
is man-made,
it should bear
some of man's imperfections,
his foibles, his ego.
- What do you see right there?
- A portion of the lipid envelope,
- but it looks torn.
- Not torn.
Cut with a minute and precise incision.
But why would someone do that?
To claim credit.
What do you see right there?
[Lola] Letters.
[Owen] M. R. N.?
Matteo Roberto Neri.
A master of viral manipulation
and bioterror.
[Lola] I remember
reading about him in school.
He's the one that engineered
that hemorrhagic monkey-pox outbreak
that brought Namibia to its knees.
The rumor was he'd accidentally infected
himself with one of his hideous creations.
Many people believed he was dead,
others weren't so sure.
The vast majority actually have
no opinion on the subject whatsoever.
If he is alive, though,
you'll never be able to find him.
Well, then what are we supposed to do?
Everything you need is right up there.
- Boop!
- Okay, well that's all well and good,
but if our one lead
is impossible to find...
Here it is, 1999 he checked himself
into a hospital in Florence, Italy.
- No record of him ever checking out.
- [Lola] Okay.
Well, let's go to Florence, Italy
and check out those medical records,
and then afterwards to celebrate
we can get some of their famous
spaghetti and meatballs.
- Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm afraid I must go.
There's a dean's coffee
in the Founder's Quad.
- Oh.
- It's been so lovely seeing you again.
- Yes.
- Good luck,
but you must promise me
you'll be careful out there.
Remember what happened
to the last two doctors
who went searching
for an infamous bioterrorist.
Never heard of them.
Exactly.
I would love to hear
about them at some point.
I mean, that's exactly what we're doing.
So, Italy's most sensitive medical files
are all kept in there, huh?
[Lola] Yup. I didn't count
on all the guards, though.
[Owen] Shouldn't be a problem.
- How we going to get around them?
- I got an idea. Come on!
[Lola] Okay, what have you got?
[whispers] Shit!
You just have Scotch tape in your pocket?
Yeah.
You've had it in your pocket
this whole time?
Yeah.
- In Berlin, you had it?
- Yeah.
- And then in Dartmouth, you had it?
- Yup.
- Then here in Italy, you had it?
- Right again.
- Wait. Jumping out the plane, you had it?
- Yeah.
[exhales]
- Okay. Stand back.
- Okay.
Hi-ya!
Oh, cool.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Maybe you should've made
the hole a little bit bigger?
- Ow, ow, ow.
- [glass crunching]
[Owen grunting]
Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit, holy shit.
[suspense music playing]
- I'm in.
- Okay.
I'm in.
- Just act like you work here.
- Okay.
Hello. Cold one, huh? I work here.
Oh, hello. I work with you also.
[beeping]
Okay.
- Key card.
- What?
Get the key card.
[speaking Italian]
[smooching]
Just unclip it from the pocket.
- [lock beeps]
- [Owen] I'm in.
Where is it?
In exactly three minutes
she's going to figure out
her card is missing and come looking.
- Where'd you get that number?
- Two minutes, 56 seconds.
Whatever you say.
Where are we? Okay! Look.
It's right here.
Neri's file's got to be in here somewhere.
[inhales, sighs]
Don't you just love that old paper smell?
There's so much history in here.
[Owen] Let's see if Marco Polo
really drowned in a pool.
Hey! I got it! I got Neri's file.
Okay, I got it. Ah, let's see.
- Hey, look. Italian Playboy.
- Owen.
- What?
- The light.
[speaking Italian]
[alarm blares]
Come on. Let's go.
- Owen!
- I'll come back for you, girls.
[guard speaking Italian]
Yup, Neri accidentally
infected himself in '99.
He was quarantined for months.
[Owen] What an idiot.
Well, this says he needs daily injections
of an experimental
and highly risky antiviral treatment.
You can't find this stuff anywhere.
It was outlawed years ago.
[speaks Italian]
So, we find who gives him the meds,
- we find Neri.
- Yeah.
It's locked!
I'm in.
- Only one way out.
- Let's do this.
[dramatic music playing]
[alarm continues blaring]
- Three...
- Three...
[giving orders in italian]
- Two...
- Two...
- One.
- One.
[both grunting]
[in Italian] Shit.
I've never seen someone die before.
[gasping, groaning]
[grunting]
[in English] God, oh, my God.
Fuck! Holy shit!
Holy shit!
[sobbing]
- That was badass.
- Yeah, that was a really good job.
- That was total badass!
- Yeah.
[wincing]
Holy shit! Holy shit!
[Lola] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[both continue grunting, groaning]
To the airport, please.
Si, signore
- Is anybody following us?
- No, I think we're good.
- Okay.
- I bet you they saw
how hard it was to hit that mattress
- and they just gave up.
- Yeah.
- So where to now?
- Well...
there's one underground clinic
where people with enough money
could go to get the kind of illegal
treatment that Neri needed.
It's in Africa.
Really? Africa?
Okay, driver. Turn the car around.
We're going to Africa, please.
[indistinct chatter in Italian]
[sinister music playing]
[in Italian] Excuse me,
can I see your clearance?
[Patten] What's important is that
our people are working directly
with local biohazard response teams
in each outbreak city.
Sir? It's Senator Barney for you.
Barney?
What? Tell her... I'm in a meeting.
No, no, she'll never buy that.
Oh...
Fuck it! Put her on.
Senator, how are you?
Have you seen
the latest casualty numbers?
Yes, ma'am.
Two hundred and thirty-seven infected.
And two hundred
and twenty-eight of them are dead.
But how lucky
are those nine survivors, huh?
Oh, wow! Nine whole survivors.
I guess they... Maybe they should start
their own baseball team.
Well, they're still very ill, ma'am,
but we could start designing uniforms,
get things organized,
but I wouldn't put people on the field
until they are fully...
Listen, Patten,
we've got cities under attack
on every continent,
with the high probability
that this virus will jump quarantine.
Now, if this reaches the U.S.,
there's going to be mass panic.
What do I tell my constituents?
My constituents
can't vote for me if they're dead.
With respect, Senator,
this kind of attack is exactly why
I've been urging Congress
to increase our funding.
Oh, now you're gonna be all,
"This kind of attack
is exactly why you've been urging
Congress to increase our funding"?
I'm just saying that this kind of attack
is exactly why I've been urging Congress
to increase our funding.
Show me your department
can handle this outbreak
and you'll have my full support
at the next budget hearing.
In the meantime, Patten,
you need to get your arms around this,
or you'll be getting your arms
busy opening want ads,
because you'll be out of a job
and will need new employment.
[Owen]
This is the clinic where Neri's holed up?
[Lola] Yeah. Let's just find him,
get the cure, and get out of here.
[reporter]...continue to gather
information. Back to you, Jim.
At this point the virus
seems limited to five cities.
Now experts have no idea
who made this one-of-a-kind virus.
It was me!
It's literally written on the virus!
My masterpiece,
and nobody knows. [wheezes]
- Your morning infusion, signore.
- Oh, be careful, Lorenzo.
These treatments have made my flesh weak,
like an overripe peach.
- [phone buzzes]
- [wheezes]
Yes. What?
No. You're kidding me. When?
Right now?
Oh, how about that, huh?
It's a good thing you called.
If anything changes
you call me back, huh?
Due American agents
are coming to apprehend me.
- What?
- They'll be here any moment.
We have to run! Or hide!
[laughs]
Why are you laughing?
They know it was me.
I'm famous again!
This place is a fortress.
A goddamn, shit-hole, blown-out fortress.
There she is.
Anais des Jardin. She runs this place.
Disgraced researcher from Normandy.
She had her medical license revoked
because they found out
she was running tests on children.
What a monster!
Well, to be fair
she was testing them for malaria
and then curing them of the malaria.
Oh, well, that's not so bad.
But then harvesting their organs
for the black market.
- That I have mixed feelings about.
- Yeah.
Is that Neri?
[man] Oh, hey, morning, Hanzi.
I am Hanzi.
From what I can gather,
that's a man named Hanzi.
Wow, we're never gonna get anywhere
near Neri without des Jardin's help.
- Wait, I think I got it.
- I'm listening.
- Okay, we need to fit in, right?
- Uh-huh.
- And this is a medical facility.
- Yeah.
- And what are we?
- Just friends.
But to make money we...
Sell clothes on eBay.
- But professionally we are...
- We are doctors!
I think you know
where I'm going with this.
Hello. We are interior decorators,
and from the looks of this place,
we got here just in time.
My name is Nathan LeMuir.
This is my associate...
Lola Spratt.
Dr. Lola Spratt.
- Who sent you?
- An old client of ours,
Matteo Neri.
I believe he is a patient here.
- He told you about this place?
- [Lola] Of course he did.
He's an old friend of ours.
He tells us everything.
Signor Neri, we have to go. Now!
Do not worry, my faithful Lorenzo.
I have a plan, huh?
Look, I understand
given your line of work,
that interior decorating's not high
on your list of priorities,
but that doesn't mean
we can't introduce
- a splash of color...
- Mm-hmm.
...a little bit of warmth,
maybe some brass.
Ooh! I'm thinking pillows.
Decorative pillows.
Maybe a sensible throw.
What about a table?
How about a coat rack?
Maybe a bean bag.
- Lighting.
- A chair.
Coffee tables.
- Chairs.
- I'm thinking tapestries,
tapestries, tapestries,
everywhere.
She's right about that.
She's right about that.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Great, great.
- So...
- Why don't we start with a tour?
Maybe we could look
at our friend Matteo Neri's room.
We know him.
[Neri] Hey, Hanzi! Come here.
I wanna knock you out
and pretend I'm you.
Come here.
[whistles]
- I am Hanzi.
- Yeah, no shit.
[punches landing]
I am loving the distressed look
of the architecture.
Oh, and these bullet holes
are just charming.
Yes.
Oh, look at those chairs.
- Chairs.
- Good morning, Hanzi.
- Still doing your exercise?
- I'm Hanzi.
That's Hanzi, always saying who he is.
- Signor Neri!
- Oh, uh,
we should do this next part alone.
You know, he may not be willing
to be honest
about the facility's
aesthetic in front of you.
- Okay. Make it fast then.
- Thank you.
- There he is.
- Okay.
It's over, Neri!
[muffled] I am Hanzi.
I am Hanzi.
- What?
- What?
I am Hanzi.
It's not him.
[gasps]
The other Hanzi we passed!
That's Neri! Oh! I am kicking myself.
- I got kicked!
- I got punched!
[sinister music playing]
Holy shit!
These two are mine!
That's the woman
who tried to kill us on the plane.
She should be dead.
Come on, come on!
Hey! You're under arrest,
you piece of crap!
- [speaks Italian]
- [both groan]
[speaks Italian]
Pick me up now! Bring the truck around!
Got me right in the throat!
[in deep voice] And I just shaved down
my Adam's apple, too.
It looks great, by the way.
I meant to tell you.
We should go after him.
- [in regular voice] Okay, I'm good.
- Yeah. Me, too.
[dramatic music playing]
[Lola] Stop!
[Lola] Stop! Neri!
We know what you did,
and we need the cure.
- [gunshot]
- [gasping]
I am Hanzi.
[Neri] Okay.
You're a doctor, right?
What do you think of my work?
Your virus? It's terrifying...
and beautiful.
It is more than beautiful.
It is perfecto!
I only wish I could have meet
the person who created it.
- What? You created it.
- No!
I was merely following instructions.
I was given a beautiful road map,
and I used it to build
a spectacular road!
Wait, you used a road map to build a road?
The real question
you should be asking yourself is:
Who built the map?
Who built the map? Ah!
This metaphor is a disaster!
Tell us who designed the virus!
On your knees, macaroni and cheese.
That's offensive.
Stop!
[gunshots]
Goodbye, my silly American friends.
[repeating] No!
Get him!
- Please! Hang on!
- I am!
My poor soft flesh
cannot handle the strain!
- Don't let go!
- I won't!
I'm coming apart!
[wet squelching]
[both screaming]
Oh, gross! Oh, gross!
- Oh, God.
- No!
Do you smell that?
Oh, God! Gross!
- Gross.
- Oh, my God.
And the sound, the sound...
It was like... So, like...
wet?
[both spluttering, heaving]
- [splutters]
- Stop it! Shut up. Shut the fuck up!
Great.
The only person who might have
had the cure, and he's dead.
All that work was for nothing.
[panting]
- [groans]
- Ew, ew, ew.
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
Wallet. Could be something
on his cell phone.
- It's locked. What is that?
- What?
[Lola] Oh, we need his face to unlock it.
- Let's get his face.
- [barking, snarling[
- No!
- Bad dog!
- Get out of there, you dang dog!
- Bad dog!
You dumb doggy! You get! Get!
Oh, great.
We blew it.
We're stuck out here
in the middle of Africa.
We're out of time. We got nothing.
Oh.
Look. It's Neri when he was a kid.
Yeah.
- [suspense music playing]
- Oh, my God.
Neri has a twin.