Medical Police (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Wheels Up - full transcript
We're not gonna make it!
Mail call! Two dead bodies.
Those go to CPR training.
We've been over this, Doug.
Attention staff: what do you call
a web-making contest between spiders?
A spin-off. That is all.
Ladies and gentledoctors,
leap with me into
the 21st century of office furniture.
Can I introduce you, please...
...to the standing desk!
You stand at your desk while working,
because it is...
the standing desk.
I already have to stand
when I take a leak, now this?
And the best part is
you get to donate your old desks
to the hospital desk auction,
which is held next Saturday,
black tie gala,
and all proceeds
go to Childrens Hospital.
Awesome! Okay. This is gonna be the best.
- What's so great about standing desks?
- Are you joking me?
Do you know that sitting and working
is as dangerous as standing and driving?
Research shows, and the research
has been done all over the world,
that if you sit while you work,
you might as well pull a gun,
put it in your mouth,
and pull the trigger.
- It's the same thing.
- Got it.
Okay, everyone clean out
your desk by five o'clock today,
or you'll be cleaning out your desks.
Now let's go out there
and save some people.
Hey, uh, Val,
I'm cashing in some vacay days
and I need somebody to watch
my snake Doctor Dre while I'm away, okay?
What do you think
I'm gonna say, Blake? Huh?
Yes? Do you think I'm gonna say yes?
Do you think that I am gonna say yes
- to your stupid face?
- No.
No. I'm not. Ask Cat.
I can't ask Cat.
She's on a plane to Los Angeles
to compete in that network
talent competition show, Break a Leg.
Oh, yeah, Break a Leg,
that talent competition show
- on network television.
- That's the one.
- Trauma patient incoming!
- Code three!
Call radiology! I need an IV stat!
- Get an intubation tray.
- Where's Doctor Spratt?
Lola, we've got trauma!
Trauma? Sounds like my lucky day.
- Here.
- Got it.
- What do we know?
- University student. BP 80 over 40.
He was studying at his desk,
and he keeled over.
Was it a standing desk?
No?
Oh!
Ew!
- Look at that rash!
- Get a portable chest...
We're gonna need an EKG!
Come on, we gotta move him! Go!
- Code three!
- Go, go, go!
Okay, tube's in.
- He's bagged.
- What have we got?
BP just shot up, 180 over 120.
Shit. What the hell is going on?
- He's crashing.
- I got no pulse.
Defib one time.
Two F.B.s, one D-15. Clear out.
- Clear!
- I'm queer!
Get used to it!
Alright, we got him! He's back!
I've never seen anything like that.
Hey, we got another one
just like that thing you've never seen.
Also from the university.
Look at this.
There's that rash!
HAZMAT protocol, this might be contagious.
- Clear.
- I'm coming. Right away.
- Go, go, go.
- IV, stat!
- Let's get her to Trauma One.
- Let's move, people!
What is going on?
Yeah. What is going on?
What is the connection?
Oh, hey, Lola.
We're going to the zoo
to see the baby koalas being born,
- you coming?
- Nope.
Alright.
Hey, Lola, I tried to steal
a koala from the zoo,
but I got tased
and I fell into a moat, so...
You wanna play darts or something?
You're crazy.
You're crazy.
- Oh, my God.
- Lola?
Oh. Sy.
You're an hour late for your rounds again?
What are you working on?
I'm just running some tests on the tissue
samples from the university students.
Are you kidding me?
We are up to our necks in tummy aches
and non-displacement fractures.
But Sy, this virus, it's a real mystery.
Oh, look at you!
Ma... Doctor Sherlock Holmes, M.D.
No, I just... I don't know, I feel like...
I feel like I've just...
I've seen this virus before.
I should go to the university
and check out the infection site.
You're not going anywhere.
At least let me send
my findings to the CDC.
No! You are a pediatrician.
- Yes, but...
- Act like one.
Oh, CDC.
God.
Oh!
- Hey, Lola!
- Oh! Chet!
Can you give me a ride to the university
in your ambulance?
Sorry, I don't know how to drive.
Hey, Beth.
Can you give me a ride to the university?
I could do it next week, would that work?
Dori, could you give me a ride?
I would, but my car
is filled with plastic balls.
- Val, do you think you could...
- Fuck you.
- You asked me.
- Kid?
I can't drive,
I've been drinking all morning!
- Sy?
- Obviously not me.
- Blake, do you think you could...
- No.
- Beth?
- You asked me twice already.
- What about Owen?
- Ugh, Owen?
I know what you guys are thinking.
Wow! This guy really knows
his way around the human brain.
Ah, ah!
I don't need that. I'm not sweating.
Watch this. Not even looking.
Not even looking.
Oh, it's What's Her Name
from Who Cares Where.
Owen, small favor.
I need a ride to...
I'm not driving you to the university.
- How did...
- Because Sy said you might try this
and he gave me 10 bucks to say no.
Well, I’ve got 12 bucks
that says you'll say yes.
Bullshit. Let me see it.
- These look legit.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, let's roll.
Fumble drill, who wants them?
Universidade de São Paulo, right?
That's right.
Most prestigious university in Brazil.
Which makes sense because,
as we both know,
the hospital where we work is in Brazil.
That's right.
We both live and work at a hospital
serving the American expatriate community
here in São Paulo, Brazil,
as we both know.
Get out of my way, Brazilians!
So, what are you looking for
when you get there?
Yeah, I'm not even sure,
but something about this virus scares me,
so I went against Sy's orders
and I sent my findings
to the Centers for Disease Control.
I just hope someone reads them.
Okay, here we are.
Excuse me.
Identification, please.
Oh, we're doctors from Childrens Hospital.
It's right in there.
Be careful, this is an infection site.
Yeah, we're professionals.
We can handle it.
- Go ahead.
- Thanks.
This must be
where the students collapsed.
Actually, it's about
five feet away from there,
but that's a hell of a guess.
Doctor Lola Spratt, I presume.
Something told me I might find you here.
- My name is...
- Who are you?
I was literally just telling you who I am.
Then I yield the floor.
My name is Sloane McIntyre.
I read your report.
Wait, you read my report?
- I'm Owen.
- It went straight to the top.
- Reports of a unicorn always do.
- A unicorn?
A virus that's never been seen before.
Also, it applies to the odd,
rare sighting of an actual unicorn.
I also work with Lola.
So these unicorns,
- do you see a lot of them?
- Rarely.
They usually turn out to be
mutations of existing pathogens,
or a horse with a horn
glued to its head, but...
this seems like the real deal
and that scares the hell out of me.
Let's take a ride,
I wanna show you something.
Okay.
- Owen, come on!
- Uh-uh.
The deal was for a ride here and back.
You never said shit
about any stops in-between.
Unless you have another 12 bucks.
Let's roll.
MEAT MARKET
Where are you taking us?
All personnel,
please remember
to keep your activities top secret,
and wash your hands.
We're a secret division
of the CDC called G932.
We run black ops operations
designed to combat bioterrorism.
No one knows we exist.
Not Congress, not the US Embassy,
not even the White House.
We hunt down two things:
diseases and criminals.
Also occasionally unicorns.
Doctor Spratt,
your report was a wake-up call.
You obviously have a background
- in infectious diseases.
- Well...
No. I studied virology
in med school, but...
just pediatrics was a better fit for me.
And I used to be a cop.
- Uh-huh.
- NYPD.
Yeah, I don't know if you remember
that mugging back in '93
down near Times Square.
Me and my partner,
we broke that case wide open.
Turns out it was a mugger.
We never caught him.
- Okay.
- Doctor Spratt,
could you give us a rundown
of what you found?
Yeah, of course. Um...
Okay, so... well, what first caught my eye
was the unusual epoxidation
of the configurational isomers
and how they...
Okay, um,
how can I explain this more...
Yeah! Oh, great!
Hand me that hula hoop.
So, let's say that this...
this hula hoop is a healthy human cell,
and can I have
that bag of pinto beans?
Great. And then...
- And this bag of pinto beans...
- Is a virus.
Yes, exactly.
So, see how the virus has just...
Look at it.
It's just all over the cell.
- I see it now.
- Yeah.
Amazing.
Yeah, but what kind of God
would make a virus like that?
Maybe the Jewish one?
God's not the bad guy here.
We suspect bioterrorism.
- We've got another outbreak.
- In São Paulo?
No, ma'am. Berlin.
- What, and they have the rash?
- And how.
Get the passenger manifest
from all flights from São Paulo to Berlin.
Someone on those planes
is spreading the virus.
Gas up the bird, Terry,
we're going to Germany.
We gas up when we land,
she doesn't have to keep telling me.
Listen, if it's the same virus,
we've got no more than 72 hours
to find the perpetrator and the cure.
Make whatever calls you need to make,
lady, because we are wheels up in five.
Wha... No, I can't... I can't go. No,
I have a job. I have children
back at the hospital that need treatment.
If we don't track that virus,
those children could be dead anyway.
And not the good way.
- Fuck it. I'm in.
- Good.
Well, this does not involve me.
I am Audi RS7
with the driver assist package.
Listen, we'll get to Berlin and see
if we can get ahead of this thing.
Okay, I just have to find someone
to wax my dogs while I'm away.
Wheels up in five.
She loves saying, "Wheels up."
Doctor Spratt!
Okay, sor... I just...
I need one minute. Sorry.
- You are something.
- Okay, Sy...
Enough! If you're not back
at the hospital this instant,
you can clean out your desk.
- Oh, you're gonna fire me?
- I will.
Well, I'm leaving,
so you're just going to have to.
If you leave, I will.
If I leave, I won't be able
to hear you fire me.
Assume if you're leaving
that you'll have been fired.
Then why don't you just fire me now,
or have you not got the guts?
- I have the guts.
- Then fire me.
I might. I just might, missy!
I'm almost out of earshot!
- You better stay in earshot.
- Uh-huh.
You quite?
Don't you take another step!
Don't you turn your back on me!
She's turned around. Ah!
Director Patten.
Agent McIntyre,
just what the hell is going on down there?
We're following the outbreak, sir.
Yeah, you know what they say,
when you follow something, you make...
- An ass out of you and me.
- Yes, sir.
Now we cannot have a repeat
of what happened in Guam.
- What happened in Guam?
- Who the hell is that?
Uh, sir, this is Lola Spratt.
She's a local doctor
who will be helping us out.
I know you. You're Benjamin Patten,
you're the director of the CDC.
You're on notice, McIntyre.
Well, don't be sorry, I just had a very
similar thing happen with my boss.
I wa...
Wheels up! Let's roll out.
Can't roll out
if the wheels are already up.
It doesn't make any sense.
Okay, look,
I know a lot is happening right now,
but I've got things under control.
These are the best trained
field ops agents out there.
All former military or CIA.
We run a tight ship here.
Oh, crap!
We didn't take off already, did we?
- Owen!
- What are you doing on my plane?
Well, it's an interesting story.
Remember when I told you that I was Audi?
Well, I was gonna leave,
but first I had to go pee,
if not more.
But wouldn't you know it,
the stall door was stuck.
But it turns out
there was someone in there.
Very sorry.
So I had to go looking for
a whole new bathroom.
I know you, you're Benjamin Patten.
You're the director of the CDC.
Everything was going great,
until I decided to wash my hands,
and guess what happened?
And I didn't want anyone
to think I peed myself,
so I decided to let the water
dry naturally, but that took a while,
because even though
these scrubs are comfy as heck,
wicking away moisture
is not one of their strong suits.
So, as soon as the stain was gone,
I came out, and here I am.
So anyway, we can probably
just turn this plane around
and drop me off any time now.
No.
Here, take this flight suit.
You'll have to get the first transport
from Berlin back to Brazil.
Fine by me, because I get
a lot of work done
on long flights anyways, so...
What's up?
- Owen!
- I bet this makes it pretty hard to write.
God, see, this is why I asked everybody
else to drive me before I asked you.
- Bullshit! Even Dori?
- Even Dori!
Well, you're wasting your time there,
'cause her car
is filled with plastic balls.
Touchdown in 20.
Good, because I've had
just about enough of this.
Sit down.
Hey, the seat belt sign is not on,
I'm free to move about the cabin.
Whoa, okay. Take it easy.
No big deal.
You're a terrible flight attendant.
Change of plans.
We're not going to Berlin.
Wha...
Agent Vargas, what are you doing?
Sit down, McIntyre.
Oh, my God, what is happening?
I don't know, but don't worry.
They can't get in the cockpit.
There's no way the door can be opened,
except from the inside.
- Hey guys, can I come in there?
- Sure, no problem.
Damn it.
Ah!
You idiot!
Who's gonna land the plane now?
Who said anything about landing it?
It's not something
you usually have to say. It's assumed!
What are they doing?
Why do they have parachutes?
Who wants to die first?
Hi-ya!
Gotta get off this plane!
- There's no more chutes!
- You won't be needing them!
- On the floor!
- Okay!
I'm sorry I got you into this.
You two should have stayed
at the hospital where you belong.
Oh!
Oh, a little help, guys?
Oh, no! I shot the chute!
Shoot! The chute is shot to shit!
No, no, no, no!
That was the last chute!
Hey, former cop.
Take this.
- Get the helmets.
- What?
As of now, you are both provisional
special agents of division G932.
Here's what we know
about the Berlin outbreak.
Go to the Berlin infection site,
contain it, find out who's responsible.
I'm gonna make sure this plane doesn't hit
a populated area when it crashes.
- But that's a suicide mission!
- You better hurry up and go.
What? But there's no more parachutes!
There's one,
just fell out the back of the plane.
- Go!
- Okay.
There he is!
Let's go.
Shit!
We're not gonna make it!
Find the ripcord!
Oh, shit, that's his dick.
Owen! Stop fucking around.
I'm not! I really grabbed his dick.
Oh! I got it.
Pull!
Ow.
Oh, my God.
Where are we?
Halt! Hands up!
- What did he say?
- He said,
"Hold your hands high in the sky!"
- "In the sky.”
- Yeah.
Who are you?
Mail call! Two dead bodies.
Those go to CPR training.
We've been over this, Doug.
Attention staff: what do you call
a web-making contest between spiders?
A spin-off. That is all.
Ladies and gentledoctors,
leap with me into
the 21st century of office furniture.
Can I introduce you, please...
...to the standing desk!
You stand at your desk while working,
because it is...
the standing desk.
I already have to stand
when I take a leak, now this?
And the best part is
you get to donate your old desks
to the hospital desk auction,
which is held next Saturday,
black tie gala,
and all proceeds
go to Childrens Hospital.
Awesome! Okay. This is gonna be the best.
- What's so great about standing desks?
- Are you joking me?
Do you know that sitting and working
is as dangerous as standing and driving?
Research shows, and the research
has been done all over the world,
that if you sit while you work,
you might as well pull a gun,
put it in your mouth,
and pull the trigger.
- It's the same thing.
- Got it.
Okay, everyone clean out
your desk by five o'clock today,
or you'll be cleaning out your desks.
Now let's go out there
and save some people.
Hey, uh, Val,
I'm cashing in some vacay days
and I need somebody to watch
my snake Doctor Dre while I'm away, okay?
What do you think
I'm gonna say, Blake? Huh?
Yes? Do you think I'm gonna say yes?
Do you think that I am gonna say yes
- to your stupid face?
- No.
No. I'm not. Ask Cat.
I can't ask Cat.
She's on a plane to Los Angeles
to compete in that network
talent competition show, Break a Leg.
Oh, yeah, Break a Leg,
that talent competition show
- on network television.
- That's the one.
- Trauma patient incoming!
- Code three!
Call radiology! I need an IV stat!
- Get an intubation tray.
- Where's Doctor Spratt?
Lola, we've got trauma!
Trauma? Sounds like my lucky day.
- Here.
- Got it.
- What do we know?
- University student. BP 80 over 40.
He was studying at his desk,
and he keeled over.
Was it a standing desk?
No?
Oh!
Ew!
- Look at that rash!
- Get a portable chest...
We're gonna need an EKG!
Come on, we gotta move him! Go!
- Code three!
- Go, go, go!
Okay, tube's in.
- He's bagged.
- What have we got?
BP just shot up, 180 over 120.
Shit. What the hell is going on?
- He's crashing.
- I got no pulse.
Defib one time.
Two F.B.s, one D-15. Clear out.
- Clear!
- I'm queer!
Get used to it!
Alright, we got him! He's back!
I've never seen anything like that.
Hey, we got another one
just like that thing you've never seen.
Also from the university.
Look at this.
There's that rash!
HAZMAT protocol, this might be contagious.
- Clear.
- I'm coming. Right away.
- Go, go, go.
- IV, stat!
- Let's get her to Trauma One.
- Let's move, people!
What is going on?
Yeah. What is going on?
What is the connection?
Oh, hey, Lola.
We're going to the zoo
to see the baby koalas being born,
- you coming?
- Nope.
Alright.
Hey, Lola, I tried to steal
a koala from the zoo,
but I got tased
and I fell into a moat, so...
You wanna play darts or something?
You're crazy.
You're crazy.
- Oh, my God.
- Lola?
Oh. Sy.
You're an hour late for your rounds again?
What are you working on?
I'm just running some tests on the tissue
samples from the university students.
Are you kidding me?
We are up to our necks in tummy aches
and non-displacement fractures.
But Sy, this virus, it's a real mystery.
Oh, look at you!
Ma... Doctor Sherlock Holmes, M.D.
No, I just... I don't know, I feel like...
I feel like I've just...
I've seen this virus before.
I should go to the university
and check out the infection site.
You're not going anywhere.
At least let me send
my findings to the CDC.
No! You are a pediatrician.
- Yes, but...
- Act like one.
Oh, CDC.
God.
Oh!
- Hey, Lola!
- Oh! Chet!
Can you give me a ride to the university
in your ambulance?
Sorry, I don't know how to drive.
Hey, Beth.
Can you give me a ride to the university?
I could do it next week, would that work?
Dori, could you give me a ride?
I would, but my car
is filled with plastic balls.
- Val, do you think you could...
- Fuck you.
- You asked me.
- Kid?
I can't drive,
I've been drinking all morning!
- Sy?
- Obviously not me.
- Blake, do you think you could...
- No.
- Beth?
- You asked me twice already.
- What about Owen?
- Ugh, Owen?
I know what you guys are thinking.
Wow! This guy really knows
his way around the human brain.
Ah, ah!
I don't need that. I'm not sweating.
Watch this. Not even looking.
Not even looking.
Oh, it's What's Her Name
from Who Cares Where.
Owen, small favor.
I need a ride to...
I'm not driving you to the university.
- How did...
- Because Sy said you might try this
and he gave me 10 bucks to say no.
Well, I’ve got 12 bucks
that says you'll say yes.
Bullshit. Let me see it.
- These look legit.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, let's roll.
Fumble drill, who wants them?
Universidade de São Paulo, right?
That's right.
Most prestigious university in Brazil.
Which makes sense because,
as we both know,
the hospital where we work is in Brazil.
That's right.
We both live and work at a hospital
serving the American expatriate community
here in São Paulo, Brazil,
as we both know.
Get out of my way, Brazilians!
So, what are you looking for
when you get there?
Yeah, I'm not even sure,
but something about this virus scares me,
so I went against Sy's orders
and I sent my findings
to the Centers for Disease Control.
I just hope someone reads them.
Okay, here we are.
Excuse me.
Identification, please.
Oh, we're doctors from Childrens Hospital.
It's right in there.
Be careful, this is an infection site.
Yeah, we're professionals.
We can handle it.
- Go ahead.
- Thanks.
This must be
where the students collapsed.
Actually, it's about
five feet away from there,
but that's a hell of a guess.
Doctor Lola Spratt, I presume.
Something told me I might find you here.
- My name is...
- Who are you?
I was literally just telling you who I am.
Then I yield the floor.
My name is Sloane McIntyre.
I read your report.
Wait, you read my report?
- I'm Owen.
- It went straight to the top.
- Reports of a unicorn always do.
- A unicorn?
A virus that's never been seen before.
Also, it applies to the odd,
rare sighting of an actual unicorn.
I also work with Lola.
So these unicorns,
- do you see a lot of them?
- Rarely.
They usually turn out to be
mutations of existing pathogens,
or a horse with a horn
glued to its head, but...
this seems like the real deal
and that scares the hell out of me.
Let's take a ride,
I wanna show you something.
Okay.
- Owen, come on!
- Uh-uh.
The deal was for a ride here and back.
You never said shit
about any stops in-between.
Unless you have another 12 bucks.
Let's roll.
MEAT MARKET
Where are you taking us?
All personnel,
please remember
to keep your activities top secret,
and wash your hands.
We're a secret division
of the CDC called G932.
We run black ops operations
designed to combat bioterrorism.
No one knows we exist.
Not Congress, not the US Embassy,
not even the White House.
We hunt down two things:
diseases and criminals.
Also occasionally unicorns.
Doctor Spratt,
your report was a wake-up call.
You obviously have a background
- in infectious diseases.
- Well...
No. I studied virology
in med school, but...
just pediatrics was a better fit for me.
And I used to be a cop.
- Uh-huh.
- NYPD.
Yeah, I don't know if you remember
that mugging back in '93
down near Times Square.
Me and my partner,
we broke that case wide open.
Turns out it was a mugger.
We never caught him.
- Okay.
- Doctor Spratt,
could you give us a rundown
of what you found?
Yeah, of course. Um...
Okay, so... well, what first caught my eye
was the unusual epoxidation
of the configurational isomers
and how they...
Okay, um,
how can I explain this more...
Yeah! Oh, great!
Hand me that hula hoop.
So, let's say that this...
this hula hoop is a healthy human cell,
and can I have
that bag of pinto beans?
Great. And then...
- And this bag of pinto beans...
- Is a virus.
Yes, exactly.
So, see how the virus has just...
Look at it.
It's just all over the cell.
- I see it now.
- Yeah.
Amazing.
Yeah, but what kind of God
would make a virus like that?
Maybe the Jewish one?
God's not the bad guy here.
We suspect bioterrorism.
- We've got another outbreak.
- In São Paulo?
No, ma'am. Berlin.
- What, and they have the rash?
- And how.
Get the passenger manifest
from all flights from São Paulo to Berlin.
Someone on those planes
is spreading the virus.
Gas up the bird, Terry,
we're going to Germany.
We gas up when we land,
she doesn't have to keep telling me.
Listen, if it's the same virus,
we've got no more than 72 hours
to find the perpetrator and the cure.
Make whatever calls you need to make,
lady, because we are wheels up in five.
Wha... No, I can't... I can't go. No,
I have a job. I have children
back at the hospital that need treatment.
If we don't track that virus,
those children could be dead anyway.
And not the good way.
- Fuck it. I'm in.
- Good.
Well, this does not involve me.
I am Audi RS7
with the driver assist package.
Listen, we'll get to Berlin and see
if we can get ahead of this thing.
Okay, I just have to find someone
to wax my dogs while I'm away.
Wheels up in five.
She loves saying, "Wheels up."
Doctor Spratt!
Okay, sor... I just...
I need one minute. Sorry.
- You are something.
- Okay, Sy...
Enough! If you're not back
at the hospital this instant,
you can clean out your desk.
- Oh, you're gonna fire me?
- I will.
Well, I'm leaving,
so you're just going to have to.
If you leave, I will.
If I leave, I won't be able
to hear you fire me.
Assume if you're leaving
that you'll have been fired.
Then why don't you just fire me now,
or have you not got the guts?
- I have the guts.
- Then fire me.
I might. I just might, missy!
I'm almost out of earshot!
- You better stay in earshot.
- Uh-huh.
You quite?
Don't you take another step!
Don't you turn your back on me!
She's turned around. Ah!
Director Patten.
Agent McIntyre,
just what the hell is going on down there?
We're following the outbreak, sir.
Yeah, you know what they say,
when you follow something, you make...
- An ass out of you and me.
- Yes, sir.
Now we cannot have a repeat
of what happened in Guam.
- What happened in Guam?
- Who the hell is that?
Uh, sir, this is Lola Spratt.
She's a local doctor
who will be helping us out.
I know you. You're Benjamin Patten,
you're the director of the CDC.
You're on notice, McIntyre.
Well, don't be sorry, I just had a very
similar thing happen with my boss.
I wa...
Wheels up! Let's roll out.
Can't roll out
if the wheels are already up.
It doesn't make any sense.
Okay, look,
I know a lot is happening right now,
but I've got things under control.
These are the best trained
field ops agents out there.
All former military or CIA.
We run a tight ship here.
Oh, crap!
We didn't take off already, did we?
- Owen!
- What are you doing on my plane?
Well, it's an interesting story.
Remember when I told you that I was Audi?
Well, I was gonna leave,
but first I had to go pee,
if not more.
But wouldn't you know it,
the stall door was stuck.
But it turns out
there was someone in there.
Very sorry.
So I had to go looking for
a whole new bathroom.
I know you, you're Benjamin Patten.
You're the director of the CDC.
Everything was going great,
until I decided to wash my hands,
and guess what happened?
And I didn't want anyone
to think I peed myself,
so I decided to let the water
dry naturally, but that took a while,
because even though
these scrubs are comfy as heck,
wicking away moisture
is not one of their strong suits.
So, as soon as the stain was gone,
I came out, and here I am.
So anyway, we can probably
just turn this plane around
and drop me off any time now.
No.
Here, take this flight suit.
You'll have to get the first transport
from Berlin back to Brazil.
Fine by me, because I get
a lot of work done
on long flights anyways, so...
What's up?
- Owen!
- I bet this makes it pretty hard to write.
God, see, this is why I asked everybody
else to drive me before I asked you.
- Bullshit! Even Dori?
- Even Dori!
Well, you're wasting your time there,
'cause her car
is filled with plastic balls.
Touchdown in 20.
Good, because I've had
just about enough of this.
Sit down.
Hey, the seat belt sign is not on,
I'm free to move about the cabin.
Whoa, okay. Take it easy.
No big deal.
You're a terrible flight attendant.
Change of plans.
We're not going to Berlin.
Wha...
Agent Vargas, what are you doing?
Sit down, McIntyre.
Oh, my God, what is happening?
I don't know, but don't worry.
They can't get in the cockpit.
There's no way the door can be opened,
except from the inside.
- Hey guys, can I come in there?
- Sure, no problem.
Damn it.
Ah!
You idiot!
Who's gonna land the plane now?
Who said anything about landing it?
It's not something
you usually have to say. It's assumed!
What are they doing?
Why do they have parachutes?
Who wants to die first?
Hi-ya!
Gotta get off this plane!
- There's no more chutes!
- You won't be needing them!
- On the floor!
- Okay!
I'm sorry I got you into this.
You two should have stayed
at the hospital where you belong.
Oh!
Oh, a little help, guys?
Oh, no! I shot the chute!
Shoot! The chute is shot to shit!
No, no, no, no!
That was the last chute!
Hey, former cop.
Take this.
- Get the helmets.
- What?
As of now, you are both provisional
special agents of division G932.
Here's what we know
about the Berlin outbreak.
Go to the Berlin infection site,
contain it, find out who's responsible.
I'm gonna make sure this plane doesn't hit
a populated area when it crashes.
- But that's a suicide mission!
- You better hurry up and go.
What? But there's no more parachutes!
There's one,
just fell out the back of the plane.
- Go!
- Okay.
There he is!
Let's go.
Shit!
We're not gonna make it!
Find the ripcord!
Oh, shit, that's his dick.
Owen! Stop fucking around.
I'm not! I really grabbed his dick.
Oh! I got it.
Pull!
Ow.
Oh, my God.
Where are we?
Halt! Hands up!
- What did he say?
- He said,
"Hold your hands high in the sky!"
- "In the sky.”
- Yeah.
Who are you?