McMillan & Wife (1971–1977): Season 1, Episode 3 - Husbands, Wives, and Killers - full transcript
[police siren wailing]
Code 2, Code 2, Sgt. Enright.
Proceed to
Cable Car Barn.
Warning: Suspect is
armed. Code 2. Code 2.
[siren wailing]
[grunts]
Watch out, Commissioner.
[grunts]
One back there.
Commissioner,
next time you should stake out the
corner and I should cover the exit.
Yes, Enright, we'll
have to work that out.
All right,
buddy, let's go.
It's the end of
the line for you.
[laughing]
Charlie, better start
cutting that bed board.
We'll have this out to the house
in an hour for you, Mrs. McMillan.
I know what it's like
to have a backache.
I really appreciate it.
Oh, I've been sleeping on the
floor for the last two nights,
and my husband
really hates it.
Hates to sleep alone.
No. He hates
sleeping on the floor.
Why does your
husband sleep on the...
[screams]
It's okay, lady.
I'm a friend of the
Commissioner's.
What are you doing here?
I... I... I followed you.
You beat me.
Well, I... I came
in the window.
You shouldn't
leave them open.
Burglars.
I don't think I
caught your name.
I'm Soup Metzgar. I
got a message for...
Soup?
Yeah, Soup. S-O-U-P.
[slurps]
Soup, like you drink.
Most people say you eat soup,
but you don't. You drink it.
[slurps]
Uh, I got a message
for the Commissioner.
Well, he should
be home shortly.
Would you like
to come in?
I... I can't.
Then may I come in?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
[car horn honking]
Commissioner, what do you think
would happen if I turned on the siren?
We'll get a headache.
Where? Where?
Where? Where is he?
I... I got to get
back to the Ark.
The Ark?
I wouldn't have taken
a chance like this,
but it was the Commissioner
who saved my life.
Any other lawyer,
innocent or not,
I get the gas chamber.
I owe him.
Would a drink help?
No, I... I don't drink
the hard stuff.
Soft stuff?
No stuff.
Some soup, Soup?
Well...
No, I... I can't. I... I
got to go. Look.
Tell the Commissioner to
meet me at the old place.
Where are you going? We
have a front door, you know.
They might be out there.
Mildred!
Mildred!
I realize that this is
your day off, but...
do you think that you could
give me a hand with this?
Wait a minute, there's
somebody at the door.
[exclaims]
Evening, Commissioner.
Good evening, Mildred.
I quit.
Again?
Not again. Final.
You can't quit today.
- Why not?
- It's your day off.
Okay, then I quit
as of yesterday.
All right. Tell me.
Well, you won't believe it. I
was sleeping in my own bed,
it's my day off, and a strange man
comes in the kitchen window.
A very shifty guy, the
eyes, nose to one side.
He walked...
like that.
How tall was he?
I don't know. I didn't
get a good look at him.
It's okay, Mildred.
He was a friend.
Friends come in through
doors, not through windows.
What about family?
Do they get to come
through doors?
Oh, yeah.
Hi, darling.
Now, about this
friend, who was he?
- His name was Soup Metzgar.
- Soup! What did he want?
Well, he had a message for
you. It was very important.
Well, what was it?
Oh, he didn't leave it.
He wanted to talk to you.
He was afraid to wait.
When will he be back?
Oh, he's not
coming back.
He said for you to meet
him "at the old place."
- What old place?
- What old place?
I assumed you knew.
I mean if somebody
says "the old place",
I assume it's some old
place that you know.
Sally, if some old friend out
of your distant past said,
"Meet me at
the old place,"
would you know
what he meant?
Mmm-hmm.
Girls' john, third floor, across
from the Chemistry lab.
I get it.
You're gonna meet
him at the girls' john?
[chuckling]
No.
He used to work in the
cable car power plant.
Oh, no.
What's wrong with
cable car power plant?
- Nothing.
- You're not going, are you?
I have to go. If Soup says
it's important, it's important.
Mac!
[machines humming]
Soup!
[gun fires]
[gun fires]
[gun fires]
[grunts]
[Mac grunts]
"Commissioner, sorry, I
was followed by Big Shoes.
Your house is going to
be robbed tonight. Soup."
Robbed?
Shh.
Mildred will hear you.
Robbed?
Mildred heard you.
There's nothing to
worry about, Mildred.
There's a policeman
stationed outside.
We're going to
be home tonight.
Oh, no, we're not.
No, we're not. Where
are we going?
We're going to Alex and
Connie's for dessert and coffee,
but first we're all meeting
at the costume company.
Sally.
Mac, I'm the Co-Chairman.
You can't just...
I am not wearing a
costume. I hate the idea.
Well, at least you could
wear something simple,
Like a pirate's costume.
I'll wear a business suit.
That's a now pirate costume.
Some soup, Sally?
Oh, I'd be delighted.
Well, I didn't think
it was that funny.
(Mac)
Oh, I loved it.
That was the best
one I ever heard.
I like that one myself.
Listen, what time will
you be coming home?
Long before your
movie is over with.
We'll drop you
off, Mildred.
Oh, I'm meeting Agnes.
- Agnes?
- Hmm.
Who's Agnes?
Agnes, the
DuSeine's new maid.
Oh, it's on the way.
We'll pick her up.
- Commissioner.
- Yes.
Can I talk to
you a minute?
Yes. Excuse me.
Nobody knows that we're
checking out everything.
I wish I knew what
they were saying.
I don't think
Mr. McMillan told us
everything about his
meeting with Soup.
The policeman is telling
the Commissioner
about a bullet. It
was a .38 caliber.
What bullet?
The Commissioner was shot
at by a Size 15 shoe today.
They found billiard
chalk on a footprint.
They've got leads on
a couple of suspects.
I knew he was keeping
something from us.
The policeman says they're
getting nowhere locating Soup.
Mildred, how
do you do it?
At this distance, and with
them mumbling like that,
how do you hear
everything?
I'm a maid.
Nobody tells us anything, but we're
expected to know everything.
Oh, who expects you
to know everything?
Other maids.
Oh.
[in Transylvanian accent]
Welcome.
It is good to see you.
Forgive me, I do not remember
your face, but your blood
is familiar.
Tom, you look
sensational.
Hmm. Doesn't he?
How did she recognize
me in this makeup?
What makeup?
Where's Janet?
Just you wait. It's
a divine surprise.
How's your back?
Oh, it hurts. How
did you know?
The way you're moving.
You really should do
something for that.
Like sleeping in a coffin with
a stake through my heart?
I got that bed board
you advised, Doctor.
It's pretty
painful, Tom.
Isn't there something
she could take?
Yes. Exercise.
Fencing, for instance.
I recommend it strongly.
(Sally)
Janet, you look fabulous.
Doesn't she?
I've done the
whole Pooh series.
You should see
my Eeyore.
Hello, Mac.
Hi, Janet.
You know, you
should really ask Alex
to teach you how to fence because
he's really a terrific teacher.
He didn't take a
penny for the lessons.
Uh, would you like to
try on your costumes?
I'm not wearing any.
Then you should be
the smash of the party.
Oh, I'd like to
try mine on.
Come.
Alex, got a new
pupil for you.
My price for ladies is very
unreasonable but very pleasant.
- How are you, Sally?
- Fine, Alex.
- Hi, Mac.
- Hi.
Hey! Hey, you think
I look like a dog?
Whatever it is,
you're the next size.
Sally. Hi.
Where's Mac? Hi, Mac.
Is Chuck here?
No. I don't know
where he is.
He's supposed to meet
me half an hour ago.
Maybe he is at work.
Stockbrokers never
work, and at that,
they quit in the middle
of the afternoon.
Come along,
Mrs. McMillan.
Let's get you suited up.
Hey, Alex,
where's Connie?
Behind you.
Marie.
Marie Antoinette.
My queen.
Arise.
(Connie)
You. You in the suit.
Meet me in the buttery
at the stroke of midnight.
Let us eat cake.
Hi, everybody.
(all)
Hi, Chuck.
I'm sorry I'm
late, honey.
Well, where were you?
Oh, honey, you've got
something on your jacket.
Is it blood?
It looks like blood.
A cat was run over.
I stopped and took
it to the SPCA.
Vet says he's going
to be all right.
That was very
nice of you.
You better get into
your costume.
And you better
get into yours.
What are you going
to be, Chuck?
Casanova, of course.
Then you don't
have to change.
Hello, Connie.
Hi, Chuck.
Hey, Alex, let's get
out of these things
and go home and
get everything ready.
See you later.
I'm ready.
Aren't you going to
try on any costume?
[hisses]
Alex, the door.
The lights!
We've been robbed.
(Connie)
The jewelry, the...
The necklace
is still there.
[humming]
[phone ringing]
Hello. Oh, hi,
Commissioner.
No, you didn't
disturb me.
Where?
When?
What?
Okay, I'll get a robbery
detail right on it.
Yeah, I'll be there in a couple
of minutes myself, sir.
No, it's just a few
blocks from me.
Good night.
Why would they go
to all the trouble
of opening the safe and
not steal the jewelry?
- It is a paradox.
- It is a paradox.
Yes, a paradox.
"A paradox, a paradox, a
most unusual paradox."
"Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho"
"A paradox."
What's going on?
I used to study singing.
I thought I might go
into it as a profession.
You made the
right choice.
I'm finished, Commissioner.
It's all yours.
Thank you.
I wonder if this is
a replacement.
A fake? Wouldn't they
close the door of the safe?
That way no one would know
that the original had been taken.
They might have heard the maid
coming home and they had to got off.
The maid didn't
come home.
She went to the
movies with Mildred.
Well, something must
have scared them off.
Connie.
Who sold you
this necklace?
Alex bought it for me.
It's from Rochemont, an
original design. Why?
I'd like to have
it authenticated.
Oh, sure,
I'll take it in tomorrow
and have it checked.
Good.
Would you like
some coffee?
Oh, you must be
exhausted, unless, uh...
No, we'll go.
Nothing more
we can do here.
Mac, thank
you very much.
Sorry it had to
happen, Alex.
Adieu, Sergeant.
Good night.
I hate to mention it, but there is
one more thing you can do for me.
Name it.
Let me have my
necklace back.
Oh.
Keep it in a safe place.
(Sally)
It's Mildred, Mac.
(Mac)
What is?
Mildred, are
you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I just didn't want to go in the
house till somebody came home.
- How much?
- That's all right, Mildred.
- I'll get it.
- No, thanks, it's my fare.
- I'll pay it.
- No, I'll get it.
No. Really, I insist.
I'll do it, Mildred.
How much, driver?
$9.70.
$9.70?
$9.70.
It wasn't a very
long movie.
Can't handle that, Mac.
- Why not?
- That's $20.
Company policy.
We're not supposed
to carry a lot of dough.
Sally, do you
have any cash?
Sorry, darling, no.
Mildred, can I borrow
some money?
I don't have any.
You don't have any?
You just offered
to pay the taxi.
In fact you
insisted on it.
Yeah, but I knew
you wouldn't let me.
All right, give me what
change you've got.
Sorry. It might help
to write to City Hall.
Why?
We could carry more change
if we had better protection.
Believe me,
if there's anything that
needs changing in this town,
it's that police
commissioner.
Thanks, Mac.
[engine starts]
[taxi driving away]
I hope it doesn't get
in the papers, Sally.
- Hmm.
- What?
What happened?
Oh, well, the, uh,
the DuSeine house
was broken into.
No.
Well, now, Mildred, take it easy. No
one was hurt. Nothing was stolen.
It was just broken
into. That's all.
Boy, that Minestrone
was right. Soup.
He said there was going to be a robbery.
Only he had the wrong address.
How did you like the movie?
Did you and Agnes like it?
Oh, uh, well, uh, yeah.
It was fine. It was
a Danish mystery.
Lot of naked murderers.
Now, Mildred, as
I told you before,
no burglar's going to
break into this house.
We don't have
anything of great value,
other than you.
You know, Commissioner,
for a Scotsman, you've
got a lot of blarney in you.
Now you just relax and
you get a good night's rest.
It's easy for
you to talk.
You got a cop
to sleep with.
This is one of those
inside-out, upside-down cases
that my father
would have loved.
Nothing fits.
Well, I'll tell you one thing that fits.
Me and this bed. I'm exhausted.
Sally, what did you
do to this bed?
I put a bed board in it,
makes my back feel better.
You're supposed to put
it under the mattress.
Oh.
How was I supposed to know?
It didn't come with instructions.
The floor is
softer than this.
Why don't you just get down
to what's really bothering you?
Agnes.
Mildred said she went to
the theatre with Agnes.
What's bothering
you about that?
What she didn't say.
Mildred, the great
worrier of all time,
not one question
about her friend.
But you said
right off the bat,
nearly the minute
that we walked
in the door that
nothing was taken,
that everyone was okay.
True. But not
one word like:
"How is she? Is she
upset? Where is she?
Why isn't she home?"
How do you know
she's not home?
I left instructions with
the policeman there
to call me when
she gets in.
[sighs]
Everyone's missing.
Agnes is missing.
Soup is missing.
The man that shot at you...
sh... shot at you is missing.
How did you know that?
Would you grab the sheet?
Well, Mildred happened
to overhear you
when you were talking
to the policeman.
Happened to overhear?
Well, Mac, I don't like the
idea of you getting shot at.
On that particular subject, you
can take second place behind me.
But right now, I like having
you very much in front of me.
Hey, what about
your back?
You shouldn't have
been lifting all that.
- Feels pretty good.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
But who?
Who's going to be there?
No, wait a minute. Don't
hang up. I want to talk...
What's wrong?
That was Soup.
He's trying to help
but he's frightened.
- Where are you going?
- Out.
I could've figured out
that you're going out.
He says I'll meet
somebody interesting
if I go to Hammond
Building, Room 1201.
Do you think it could
be Big Shoes?
I don't know.
But I'll soon find out.
Take care, Mac.
It's company policy.
What's that for?
I don't want to
lose my place.
[phone ringing]
Enright here.
Yes, Commissioner,
I'll be right there.
No, sir, uh, I wasn't
doing anything.
Just relaxing
and reading.
Catching up on last
week's newspaper.
Goodbye.
Wait up for me.
He's alive.
I'll call an ambulance.
I'm going up to
the twelfth floor.
Emergency.
Enright here. Send an
ambulance right over to the,
uh, Hammond Building
right away, please.
[elevator bell dings]
Take... Take anything you
want but don't take my life.
It's all yours.
Anything.
How do I call
downstairs?
Dial four.
[sighs]
Enright?
It's Big Shoes. He's on
his way downstairs.
Be careful.
But, sir, next time I should be
the one to go upstairs alone
and you should be the
one to do the phoning.
Yes, we'll have
to work that out.
You're Corlino?
Yes, sir.
I'm Commissioner
of Police.
What are you doing here
at 2:30 in the morning?
Working.
The man in the hallway.
What was his name and
what was he doing here?
I haven't got the
faintest idea.
Maybe he came to rob me.
Maybe you had a prearranged
meeting with him.
No, no, sir.
No, no, no, no.
You had no meeting
with anyone?
Hello, Chuck.
How did you
know I was here?
If you're gonna have
a secret meeting,
you'd have to be a
little bit more careful.
I saw your name in
the log downstairs.
A secret meeting with
my name on the log?
Isn't that what an
honest man would do?
You're probably
wondering why I'm here.
You can eliminate
"probably."
Well, Mr. Corlino's a
very good client of mine.
He works late and
he sleeps late.
He wanted me to buy
stocks for his account
first thing in the morning
when the market opened.
Why didn't you
handle it by phone?
Um...
It was, uh, a rather
large, private transaction
in the amount of,
uh, $45,000 in cash.
In cash?
I have this problem
with my wife.
I don't like checks clearing
through the account.
Where's the $45,000?
Right here.
Excuse me, sir, but
Big Shoes got away.
The guard okay?
Yes. He's on his
way to the hospital.
This is a friend of
mine. Chuck Forrest.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Enright, count
this, will you?
Undoubtedly, this
explains the presence
of the man you were
chasing, the robber.
He must have
known my habits.
Neat.
Neat, but not gaudy.
You can't blame
me for going after
a nice commission,
now, can you, Mac?
Well, if you don't
need me any longer,
stockbrokers have to get
up and do work at 5:00,
- remember?
- Sometimes 2:15.
Mr. Corlino,
I'll send a bonded messenger
over for the money.
That's... that's fine.
- Good night, Mac.
- Good night, Chuck.
Mr. Corlino,
[door closes]
Let me ask you
something.
You're a jeweler.
Are you by any chance familiar
with the DuSeine necklace?
Commissioner,
you're a policeman.
Do you really expect
me to answer this
without the benefit
of an attorney?
No.
But perhaps you'd
better alert him.
[chiming]
Hi. Good book?
Oh.
What are you doing up?
Oh, I was just
going to, um...
Oh, I can't think
of a good lie.
I was worried about you.
You have to learn
not to worry.
That's what this
book is about.
What's worrying you?
The more involved
I get in this case,
the more it involves
our friends.
Alex and Connie
were robbed,
Soup is hiding
someplace.
Probably in danger.
And I just met Chuck in
an all-night jeweler's.
Sally, women talk
to one another.
Do you know if
any of our friends
are having money
problems?
No.
Let's go to bed.
Wait a minute.
That "let's go to bed,"
was not a "let's go
to bed," it was a:
"Let's not talk about
it. Let's go to bed."
You're so smart,
I don't know why I
worry about you.
- Let's go to bed.
- Sally.
- It's Alex.
- Alex?
Oh, I shouldn't have
said that. Forget it.
I can't forget something
like, "It's Alex."
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
It's all right,
it's my fault.
I shouldn't have
brought it up.
I can't say any
more about it.
Yes, you can.
What about Alex?
I promised Connie that
I wouldn't tell anybody.
I'm your husband.
Yeah, I know, I know,
you're my husband to me.
But to Connie,
you're anybody.
Sally, you know that
anything you tell me,
I'll hold in confidence.
I know, Mac but
I was told to hold
what I was told
in confidence.
Now if I tell you,
I'll be violating
that confidence
in the belief that you will
keep the confidence.
But what's to prevent
you from revealing
that confidence to
someone you feel
equally confident will, uh,
will keep the confidence?
Sally, you're
withholding evidence.
Mac, I'm going
to trust you.
Good.
Now, a couple
of weeks ago,
Connie indicated
that she and Alex
were having a little
rough go of it financially.
Now, about a week ago,
when we were
all at the theatre,
I think, no, I'm not
sure, but I think
that Connie was trying
to sell the necklace.
If you're right,
Connie's desperate.
You don't think she arranged
to have the necklace stolen
so she could claim the
insurance, do you?
What a terrible
thing to say!
It's also meaningless,
'cause the necklace
wasn't stolen.
- Let's go to bed.
- Ha!
Sure, you can
sleep. You're not guilty.
You didn't violate
a confidence.
I wasn't withholding
evidence.
I was withholding
nothing.
Sally.
She was confident that
I'd keep her confidence,
but you said that
it was evidence.
And evidently, you
think that evidence
justifies violating
a confidence.
- Where are we going?
- To bed.
I had that feeling.
Good morning, Mildred.
Good morning,
Commissioner.
Who left me this note?
Mrs. McMillan.
It's in your
handwriting.
Oh, I know, I know.
She was in a hurry.
She asked me
to write it down.
Well, what does it say?
I don't know,
I can't read it.
Do you remember what
she said to write down?
Uh, yeah. She said to tell you
she didn't want to waken you,
she was in a hurry and
she'll be at the club
decorating the
ballroom all day.
Doesn't seem to be
what I wrote down here.
It's good enough.
What would you like this
morning, Commissioner?
Oh, just a
cup of coffee.
What are you
nervous about?
- Nervous?
- Yeah.
Your hands are shaking.
Uh, yeah, I
noticed that.
Don't you feel well?
I'm feeling guilty.
That's what I'm feeling.
Commissioner,
I'm an accessory.
I violated the trust
you put in me.
What did you do?
Well, uh,
Commissioner...
Commissioner,
Agnes never went
to the movie.
- What?
- Well, she got a headache
just before we went in.
I said I'd go home with her
but, uh, she insisted I stay.
And then, when
you came home
and told me her place
had been ransacked,
and you didn't even
mention Agnes,
I didn't know
what to say.
I didn't want to
incriminate her.
I called there early
this morning,
and she never came home.
Commissioner, I've
withheld evidence.
But I didn't want to
violate a confidence,
but evidently the evidence
I didn't want to violate
was a violation
of the confidence
that you placed in me.
Mildred, are you secretly the
mother of that woman I married?
Hi, Mac, good morning.
Good morning. Uh,
Sally, this is urgent.
I got to find Soup. Now
try to put it together.
Where did he
say he lived?
He said Ark, Mac.
You sure he said
Ark? Not park?
Oh, no, I'm sure, Mac,
'cause when he said Ark,
I thought of two
by two, twins.
Wouldn't it be nice
to have twins?
Yeah, we'll have to
get together on that.
Bye, Mac.
The machine's
malfunctioning, sir.
How long will it be before
we get a report on Agnes?
It shouldn't
be very long.
I'm supposed to meet
the Mayor in
20 minutes, that is, if the
elevator strike is settled.
I didn't know the man was
negotiating the elevator strike.
He's not. He's stranded on the
38th floor of the Equitable Building.
[telex machine beeps]
Oh, that must be
Dallas now, sir.
[telex machine printing]
What does it say?
It says, "The
machine is working.
Is working, is working."
Here it is,
"Dallas, Texas.
"Agnes Willoughby.
Domestic servant.
Charged and convicted,
1951. Theft of ring."
Put out an APB on her.
What about Big Shoes?
Anything on him?
Nothing as yet, sir,
but I have two men
checking every
shoe store in town.
If you find a pair of tan
loafers my size, let me know.
What about my friend,
Chuck Forrest?
Well, the lab reports that it
was animal blood on the coat
and everything
else checks out.
He did take an injured cat to
the SPCA at the time he stated.
Good.
What about our friendly,
round-the-clock jeweler, Corlino?
Anything on him?
Negative.
Anything on Soup?
Negative.
This whole case
is negative.
Affirmative.
We gotta find out where Soup
lives. We don't wanna lose him.
Sir, Mrs. McMillan was the last
one to spend any time with Soup.
Do you remember if she remembers
his saying anything that'll help us?
Well, I remember asking her, but she
didn't remember anything, remember?
Great lunch. How'd you
ever find that place?
A friend of Mac's,
who's a soup freak,
told me they have the
best chowder in town.
Thanks for picking
up the check.
Forget it. Next time
it'll be your turn.
I hope so.
May I tell you something
in confidence?
Absolutely not.
Sally, please, I just got
to talk to someone,
and you are
my best friend.
Chuck's business is
really doing terribly.
Please don't tell me.
My husband is the
Commissioner of Police.
Before that, he was the best
criminal attorney in town.
He gets everything
out of me.
He even knows my
age, so don't tell me.
(Sally)
Noah's Ark.
That's it, the Ark!
The Ark?
That's where he lives!
I've got to find a phone. There
must be a phone around here.
There!
Okay, I'll check
back in an hour.
Ah! Don't close this. I
have to call my husband.
Lady, this is the police
call box. Business only.
Well, this is a
business call.
My husband's the
Commissioner of Police.
Oh, sure he is.
He is. Call him
up and ask him.
This is an emergency.
I am Mrs. McMillan.
Tell him I have the Soup
information that he needs.
The soup information?
I'm not gonna say
another word.
Just call him.
Plug me through to the
Commissioner's office, please.
Sir,
this is Patrolman
Dumbowsky.
There's a young lady here
who says she's your wife.
Dark?
Yes, sir.
That, too, sir.
Well, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
You're the one.
Hi, Mac.
Mac, I found the
Ark. It's a boat.
Where?
At the Bay Marina,
near the entrance.
Bay Marina.
Sally, you're a credit
to my profession.
I'll keep an eye out
till you get here.
No, you go on home.
We' ll take care of it.
[phone ringing]
I'll be right
there, sir.
Where am I going?
Yes, sir.
(Enright)
There's Big Shoes and Soup!
Hold it! Police!
I'm all right.
Yeah, I'm all right.
[gun firing]
[boat engine starting]
[gun firing]
Hello, Tom.
Hello, Mac.
I didn't know I hit him.
You didn't.
I did.
Tom.
Abel Kleinschmidt,
do you know him?
Patient of mine. I
treated him off and on.
Was he heading for
your boat for a reason?
He's been on
the boat before.
Probably looking
for the keys,
he was probably
going to steal it.
Why did you shoot him?
Working on my gun,
he jumped aboard.
I fired. That's all
that happened.
How did you happen to
have him as a patient?
Somebody
recommended him.
I don't remember who.
Look, I'm going to the
hospital to see how he is.
I'll need a report
from you later.
[siren wailing]
[people chattering]
How are you doing?
Well, I feel lucky
to be alive.
That close, huh?
- Yeah, you know what?
- What?
My sandwich saved me.
- What?
- See?
The bullet got stuck in
the Polish sausage.
Soup will be all right in
a couple of days, sir.
Wasn't that Big Shoes,
Commissioner?
Yeah.
His name is Abel
Kleinschmidt.
Abel Kleinschmidt.
[engine starting]
That registers.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm, uh, programming
myself for Kleinschmidt.
Would you mind
programming yourself
in my office? I
have work to do.
Sure, but, uh, can we stop and
pick up a sandwich on the way?
- Sure.
- My sandwich got wounded.
I'll recommend
it for a pension.
What do you think
of this case, En?
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
I'm sorry, sir, but
I needed that.
Commissioner,
that... that doctor,
he's a...
he's a friend of
yours, isn't he?
Yes, I have
ubiquitous friends.
[exclaims]
Ah, something's
coming back.
Enright.
Kleinschmidt, Abel.
Armed robbery
'59, assault '63.
He served five
years in prison.
But he's no innovator.
Somebody has to do
his thinking for him.
I figured, but
who is it?
Soup would
have the answer.
But it'll be a couple of days
before we can talk to him.
(officer)
Sergeant Enright, we found this.
It fell out of
Kleinschmidt's pocket.
Thank you.
Oh, boy. If I could
whistle, I'd whistle.
You can't whistle?
Huh-huh. Only breathing
in. Not breathing out.
[whistles]
See?
[Mac whistles]
That's for you.
Hey, maybe Kleinschmidt was
planning to go to that costume ball.
I doubt if he was
on the guest list.
Well,
he could have been planning
to, uh, to crash the party,
take a second crack
at the necklace.
But why?
The necklace we
found has to be a fake,
otherwise it wouldn't have
been left in the safe.
Have you heard
from Mrs. DuSeine?
Has she been to
the jeweler's yet?
She said she'd be
there about, uh,
about 20 minutes
from now.
Let's go down.
If you're lucky, maybe he'll
bronze your sandwich for you.
What's the matter,
Mr. Rochemont?
Uh, I am sorry. It isn't this.
It's an unbelievable smell.
[sniffs]
Cheese or sausage.
Pardon me, but it really
is most distracting
and unexplainable.
What about the necklace?
Oh, there's no question.
No question whatsoever.
- That it's real?
- Yes.
Yes? You're sure?
I created it. I know
my own work.
It is genuine.
Thank you.
Ah. Feel a lot better.
Would you like us to
see you home, Connie?
Oh, thank you, Mac,
but the insurance company
insisted I go with their driver.
See you tomorrow
night. Bye.
So long, Connie.
And, uh, thank you,
Mr. Rochemont.
It's a pleasure,
Commissioner.
Follow her.
Why, you have
a suspicion?
Nothing that good, but
when in doubt, follow her.
Right.
[belches]
No, sir, no one named Kleinschmidt
reserved or rented a costume.
All right, if you hear
anything, let me know.
I'll certainly
keep in touch.
Thank you.
Well, it doesn't make
any sense at all,
but we've got to
cover that party.
I can't go on hunches.
You've got no tip, no
proof, no nothing.
We've got a $250,000
necklace at a costume ball
and over 100
guests in disguise.
It's impossible to
cover the in and outs
of a place like that without
the detail of at least 20 men.
Look, Commissioner. Look,
look at all these doors,
corridors, back, side,
front entrances.
How many men
can we spare?
- Two.
- Two?
All right, three.
Four.
Okay, okay, five.
- But five's not enough.
- Make it six.
I've got a solution.
Call the party off.
Maybe I can talk Connie DuSeine
out of wearing the necklace.
You do that
and I'll kiss you.
Don't discourage me.
I'll call you and
let you know.
Connie, do yourself
a favor, will you?
Don't wear the
necklace to that party.
Are you telling us that you
cannot protect her, Mac?
[Mac laughs]
Alex,
maybe he's right.
Oh, come on, Connie,
you're going to wear it.
- Uh, sit down, Mac.
- No.
Are you sure you
don't want a drink?
No, I'll just stay a minute. This
isn't fun and games, Alex.
There're ruthless
people out there
who are after
that necklace.
And I don't want to see
anybody else get hurt.
It's my duty to
warn you the risk.
I know about
the risk, Mac.
A man doesn't buy his wife
a necklace worth a fortune
without being
aware of the risk.
What good is a necklace if
the woman can't wear it?
That's true and
I can't stop you.
I can only tell you,
you're asking for trouble.
Alex, maybe I shouldn't
wear it, as a favor to Mac.
Connie, he's not worried
about your necklace.
He's worried about the possible
embarrassment to his department.
[chuckles]
Have it your way.
I'm supposed to
take care of people
and you do fall into the
category of people.
Then take care of
us. That's your job.
But Connie's going
to wear the necklace.
Mac, I refuse to live in
an atmosphere of terror.
Good afternoon.
Bye, Mac.
[door closes]
(Sally)
You did it again.
I did it again.
Oh, that's right,
say it like you
didn't do it again.
Well, I may have
done it again
and then again, I may
not have done it again.
What are we talking
about, Sally?
I call you with
Soup information.
You go after him.
Then what happens?
Nothing happens. We
don't hear a word.
We've been nervous
wrecks all day long.
You should've
called the office.
I did call the office.
Ann didn't know
where you were.
You didn't call her.
She's very worried.
You know, she wants me to
call you if I heard anything.
There's nothing
to worry about.
Nothing to worry about?
The last time you
went after Soup,
you got shot at.
Ah, we caught him.
You did? Thank God.
Why couldn't you have
called and told us?
On Tom's boat?
Maybe he
wanted to buy it.
Tom wants to sell
that boat, you know.
He wasn't shopping.
I was chasing him.
How do you know Tom
wants to sell his boat?
Janet told me.
Oh.
In confidence.
Would you like a drink?
Yeah.
I could use one,
or two or, uh, three.
I'm sorry I made
you worry.
I must have. You
don't drink solo.
Mmm, I'm not
drinking solo.
I'm keeping
Mildred company.
You know, when... when
you didn't call,
she got very nervous.
I had to give her a
drink to calm her down.
To cheer her up,
- make her feel better.
- How is she feeling?
Better.
I was looking for some
gin to make you martini,
but I think somebody
drank it all.
I wonder who
that could be.
I'll make myself a
scotch, Mildred.
Thank you for
your concern.
You really should
have called.
It wasn't very kind.
I'm gonna go
make dinner.
I think.
[sighs]
Sally, that necklace
isn't a fake.
I don't like it. I know
why I don't like it.
Why do I feel the sudden
urge to say why?
I don't like it because
I've that feeling
that every one
of our friends
knows what's going
on, except me.
Maybe it's money, Mac.
All of our friends seem to
be having financial troubles.
- All of them?
- Uh...
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Let's see, now, we've
covered Alex and Connie,
Tom and Janet,
so Laurie told
you in confidence
that Chuck needs
money, too.
I'm not saying a word.
But you're not
saying no.
I'm not saying.
Everybody's not saying.
Kleinschmidt's
alive, but no help.
Soup is alive, no help.
Agnes is
missing, no help.
Corlino isn't talking.
Chuck isn't talking,
Tom isn't talking.
Mildred's the one who's
doing some talking,
and she isn't
making any sense.
Cheers!
[phone ringing]
Yoo-hoo. Commissioner,
it's for you.
What is?
(Mildred)
The phone.
Well, I'll take
it in here.
I already took
it in there.
It's Chief Yeakel.
Yeah, Chief.
Oh, yeah?
Listen, I
forgot to say...
Right.
- ...if you were in or out.
- I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
Yeah.
Well, I suppose it would
be a good idea, but...
Oh, you did?
- I didn't tell him...
- I see.
...it was the
McMillan residence.
I'll tell him, for you.
Okay, Chief.
I guess that is the
only thing we can do.
All right. Thank you.
Mildred.
What did Chief
Yeakel want?
I'm wearing a
costume tonight.
Oh, Mac, I knew
you'd come around.
Thank you.
That kiss was under
false pretenses.
It's business, Sally.
Connie's going to wear her necklace,
and we don't want it stolen.
The Chief is going
to augment the force
and he feels the costume
would be an excellent cover.
Well, you could've
lied to me.
No, I couldn't.
Well, can I lie to me?
You didn't want
me to feel bad,
so you decided to
wear a costume.
Connie's necklace is just
a good excuse to do it.
Yes, Sally.
I knew you'd
do it, for me.
Mac, are you ready?
Mac, are you ready?
Yeah.
Oh, you look so cute.
I'm not going.
Mac, you've got to.
Besides, that was the
only thing they had left.
Now here, I made this
finishing touch just for you.
I feel like a horse's
behind in this.
You don't look like one.
Besides, you'd be
a bunny's behind.
Turn around.
[phone ringing]
Hello.
Oh.
Okay, I'll tell
him. Thank you.
That was Chief Yeakel.
He's getting very nervous.
The DuSeines
arrived early.
He wants us to hurry.
Okay.
You know, I always
wanted to ask...
No jokes.
Remember now, no jokes.
No, let's not hurry. You
know what happened...
[siren wailing]
Do you know how
fast you were?
Okay, Peter Rabbit,
let's see your license.
Well, I don't have
my license, but...
Okay, Bugs Bunny, do you
want to step out of the car,
please and take
a little test?
Uh, I'm Commissioner
McMillan.
Now, every rabbit I
stop tells me that.
But you were driving
over the speed limit
and you don't
have your license.
Now do you want to step
out of the car, please,
and take a little test or I'm
gonna haul you downtown.
He is Commissioner
McMillan.
Yes, ma'am.
Mister, don't do anything
we'll both be sorry for.
I am Commissioner McMillan
and there's a robbery.
A robbery. Now
that's funny,
because I haven't
heard about a robbery.
I am Commissioner McMillan and
the robbery hasn't happened yet.
The robbery hasn't
happened yet.
Then you've got time
to take a little test,
all right?
I want you to walk
this line to about...
Want to walk
that, please?
Good luck, Mac.
Vehicle checks out,
belongs to McMillan.
Uh, thank you,
that was excellent,
Commissioner.
Bye, promotion.
[chuckles]
Come on, Mac.
We better hurry.
[all chattering]
[music playing]
McDonagle,
everything okay?
Good, the Commissioner
will be here soon.
[ticking]
Excuse me.
[chimes tinkering]
Watch out for the
steps, Mac. One, two...
Good evening, Sergeant.
Don't you say a word.
Yes, sir.
Evening, Mrs. McMillan.
Hi, Sgt. Enright.
Where have you
got your gun?
How's everything going?
We got devils surrounded
at every entrance there.
I mean, we got them at
the archway over there.
We've got a devil at the front
door, devil at backdoor,
devil at the bandstand,
and a devil at
the punch bowl.
Good, where's the chief?
Oh, he's over there by the punch
bowl, sir talking to McDonagle.
He's gone out on a limb for us
and put on three extra men.
Oh, yeah?
Dressed as
waiters, right?
Right.
Good evening, Chief.
Oh, oh, good evening.
Good evening.
Nice party, you know.
Yeah.
I see they took away your
name and gave you a number.
Yeah, well, I was lucky to
get anything the last minute.
All they had left was this and
some stupid Easter bunny outfit.
McDonagle, uh, let's
check those, uh...
What was that?
That's a red herring.
I don't see any
of our friends.
Oh, well, here's Tom
and Janet Benton
dancing and there's
Laurie Forrest.
Where are the DuSeines?
Oh, uh, they're
in the anteroom.
Let's go say hello
to Alex and Connie.
I'll go look for
Mr. Forrest.
(Connie)
I hate it when you're like
this. I mean I just, I hate it.
I don't want to
talk about it.
Keep him away from me.
Just a little show
of royal temper.
Shall we turn to
our subjects, dear?
Wow! Now I believe
in the Easter bunny.
Hey, Sally, you have
done a fantastic job
of converting
this mausoleum.
I mean, it sparkles.
Not nearly as much
as your necklace.
(Mac)
I can see some of the breaths it's taking,
including my own.
Oh, Mac, relax.
I will, in about
four hours.
(man on microphone)
Dr. Tom Benton, please.
Will Dr. Tom Benton please go
to the phone in the main lobby?
That's the penalty for being a
good doctor. Always on duty.
Hi, people. Be back
in a minute, I hope.
[people clapping]
If it is, I'd like to see the patient's
face when he arrives in that outfit
and suggests
a transfusion.
Shall we, dear?
Excuse us.
Hey, mister, you haven't
complimented me
on the decorations
or anything.
What?
You could get
closer if we danced.
Yeah.
Okay, let's see.
Well, you could
get closer.
You mean, to
the necklace?
For one thing.
May I have your tail,
Miss Pussy Cat?
It would be my pleasure.
You're kidding,
those feet.
Well, I think, uh,
beauty contests
are a vital part
of our society.
Oh, honey, where
have you been?
I've been looking
all over for you.
Of course you have.
She's cute for
such a big girl.
I've got to tell Connie discreetly
to stay where we can watch her.
Oh, Mac, you were
never so graceful.
Mac, are you holding
something back?
Do you have a tip that that necklace
is going to be stolen tonight?
Yes.
I got a tip, from
me to me.
Well, when Alex asks me to dance,
you can dance with her and tell her.
Ha, ha, ha.
What makes you
- think he's gonna do that?
- Oh, come on.
A woman knows
those things.
Hey, Alex, would you
like to dance with me?
- My pleasure.
- See?
Yeah, here's your tail.
Well, let's see, hmm.
Okay, here we go.
Wow. This is
a super party.
I mean I've had a dozen
invitations to dance.
I wonder what
they're after.
I hope it isn't
the necklace.
Yeah, me, too.
Connie, do me a
favor, will you?
Stay where we
can watch you.
Sure.
Um,
how many "you"
are watching me?
Ooh,
half a squad.
Hey, I've always wondered,
how much is half a squad?
And which ones are they?
I don't know.
You should have
bought a program.
Oh, you!
[all clapping]
Sally is the most graceful panther
I've danced with in years.
You are very gallant.
That's because I'm
Louis ll, and I try harder.
[both laughing]
There you are.
See you later.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Everything all right?
- Yes.
How is Kleinschmidt?
Still in a coma.
Frankly, Mac, I'm not
sure he's gonna make it.
Is that good for our side,
or bad for our side?
Mac.
[gun fires]
[all screaming]
Tom.
[woman screaming]
(Sally)
Is he all right? Is he all right?
(Tom)
He's alive.
Adams, call an
ambulance.
Enright, have the rest of
the men cover the exits.
Attention, ladies
and gentlemen.
I'm Chief of
Police, Yeakel.
[screams]
They're gone.
All right, Connie, tell me exactly
what happened. Excuse me.
When... when it got dark,
they... they just disappeared.
I think... I think I
felt a scissors,
I think they... they
were just snipped off.
Mac, look.
Out of my way!
[tires screeching]
Call an ambulance.
It's Gregorian.
You know, the costumer.
Did you find
the necklace?
Not on the body.
We checked all along the escape
route, we couldn't find it, either.
(Sally)
Mac.
I can't sleep.
I can.
Oh, Mac, my back.
I've got tension knots
all up and down it.
What happened to
the fencing lessons?
Alex call it off?
Oh, no, he said it would be good
to keep our date tomorrow.
Keep our minds
off things.
That's a good idea.
[groaning]
I can't sleep until I get
everything straight.
Now, Kleinschmidt was
working for Gregorian.
And Gregorian masterminded
the whole thing, right?
I think that there were two
people after the necklace.
Gregorian and
someone else.
And the other
one got it.
And now, good night.
You can't say good night after
you said someone else got it.
How do you know two
people were involved?
Because there were two
plans to blow the lights.
Maybe one of them was a
backup plan for the other one.
I don't think so.
Good night.
Good night, Mac.
Mac, who do you think
was after the necklace?
If I answer that, will you
let me get some sleep?
Yes.
I don't know.
Mac, you must have some
idea who was after it.
Hmm, well, it was
whoever fired the gun.
How do you know it wasn't
Gregorian who fired the gun?
There would be nitrate
residue on his sleeve.
The gun wasn't traceable,
but whoever fired it
will have traces of
nitrate on his sleeve.
I know that. I used to do the
gun powder test for my dad.
And now, let's
get some sleep.
Okay.
Mac, do you think
that one of the people
that we've known
for a real long time
could have been pressured
into doing something like this?
[water running]
What?
Do you think one of
our friends did it?
Well, if you're asking me
if one of our friends is
an attempted murderer,
the answer is yes.
I can't hear a word
you're saying.
I said yes,
it's possible.
Commissioner,
you'll never guess...
Oh, I didn't knock.
I always knock. I mean, I knock even
when there's no reason to knock.
I should have knocked.
Come in, Mildred.
Commissioner,
Agnes is downstairs.
She feels very badly that
she didn't go to the police.
But she was afraid the police
would think she'd done it.
Because of her record,
and then she'd get fired.
Agnes, what happened
Wednesday night?
She came home with
a terrible headache.
And she saw that big man open
the safe and take out the necklace.
She was terrified.
Go on, Agnes.
He looked at the necklace
and put it back in the safe
and then turned around
and saw her watching him.
Well, she ran.
Agnes, now,
this is important.
If you had a headache,
why didn't you stay home?
Because Mr. and Mrs. DuSeine
insisted that she go out.
Agnes, is that true?
Thank you, Agnes.
You've been very helpful.
Commissioner, you've made
Agnes very happy today.
I don't think Alex and Connie
are going to say the same.
(Connie)
Mac, it wasn't a fake.
Kleinschmidt and Gregorian
knew it was a fake.
That's why they
left it in the safe.
It was not a fake.
You had a copy made,
didn't you, Connie?
Why would I put a
copy in the safe?
Because of your husband.
You didn't want him to know you'd
allowed the real necklace to be pawned.
Mac,
you were there when the jeweler
authenticated my necklace.
The authentication was
what created the problem.
You made Chuck go down to Corlino's
and borrow the real necklace.
Chuck?
Oh, come on, Mac.
You were followed when
you left the jeweler's.
The detective saw you and
Chuck exchanging packages.
You obviously switched back to the
phony necklace to wear at the ball.
Boy!
I feel safe in a city with a police
commissioner as perceptive as you are.
Connie, if Chuck dies,
you could be an
accessory to murder.
Do you understand that?
Now, for the last time,
was that necklace a fake?
Yes.
[sighs]
All right.
Now I need to know who
stole the necklace at the ball.
Why don't you just go on? You seem
to have theorized it beautifully.
I think you stole your own necklace
to cover up the deception.
Which is not a crime, Connie,
unless you file an insurance claim.
The only thing you're
guilty of, so far,
is a lover's
indiscretion.
[pouring water]
I stole the
necklace myself.
I needed money.
For Chuck?
Yes.
So he could cover
stock manipulations.
I love him.
So you did it for Chuck?
And Alex did it for you.
Alex?
He didn't want you to know
he needed the money.
He was afraid
he'd lose you.
So he set up the first robbery with
Gregorian to get the insurance money.
For me?
There's a bitter
irony in it, Connie.
If Alex hadn't
stolen for you,
he never would have
found out about your...
infidelity.
Alex shot Chuck?
Yes.
- Enright.
- Yes, sir.
Get on down to
Gregorian's and check.
Alex's costume before
it's dry-cleaned.
There's a possibility it might
have nitrate on the sleeve.
I'll pick up Alex.
Yes, sir.
Do you want to
stay here awhile?
Can I?
Sure.
I need a minute or two to catch
my breath, sort out my life.
Stay as long
as you like.
Very reasonable rates.
You're... you're a very
special man, Mac.
I hope Sally
realizes that.
I remind her of
it every night.
If you need anything,
ask my secretary, huh?
[bell ringing]
[birds chirping]
You know, I'm really looking
forward to this, Alex.
But I've got to warn you, I only
know two things about fencing.
A Douglas and Fairbanks.
Don't worry, Sally.
I'll teach you.
Okay.
Pick a foil. One that
feels good to you.
Try this.
- Good? Follow me.
- Good.
Oh, Alex, here's
your costume.
I'll return it for you. I've
got to take ours back, too.
Oh, no, thank you, Sally. I'll
bring it back myself on Monday.
$27.50 a day? Not to
mention the weekend.
You'll be losing. I'm
glad to do it, Alex.
No, thank you, Sally.
Listen, I'm going there
anyway. Why not?
Anyway, this one needs
cleaning. It's got, uh...
Looks like nitrate,
um,
on the sleeve.
You're a very
bright girl, Sally.
But that was
very stupid.
What do you know?
Well, I don't know if
I know what I know.
I mean, I probably don't know half
as much as I know, you know?
Why don't we
start fencing?
We are fencing, Sally.
Oh, maybe
we better quit.
You've put yourself in a
very unfortunate situation.
Alex, if you've got
something to hide,
why don't you just
go to Mac and tell him?
I'm sure he'll do everything
he can to help you.
Now, that's not
my nature, Sally.
You don't know me.
Alex, you broke
the tip off your foil.
I regret to say that there's going
to be a terrible fencing accident.
Unguard.
[screams]
I can't kill you
outright, Sally.
I'll have to make it
look like an accident.
Kill me? You're
not kidding?
I'm afraid not.
[groans]
Alex, stop this. You
don't want to kill me.
That's true. But I
have to. Fight back!
How can I?
Alex, stop this.
Alex, stop this.
Alex!
I'm leaving, Mac, and
she's leaving with me.
- Don't be foolish.
- Hold it.
One more step, Commissioner,
and you will be a widower.
Come on!
Oh!
Oh, Mac, here.
(Sally)
Go on. Go on.
Mac, watch it!
- I'll call the cops!
- Do that.
Get me the police.
Right!
[electric saw whirring]
Mac!
- Book him.
- Yes, sir.
(Mac)
Burglary, attempted murder.
Listen, Commissioner,
next time,
you should pick up the clothing
and I should pick up the suspect.
Yes, Enright, we'll
have to work that out.
[inhales]
[sighing]
I'm glad it's over.
Guess what?
My back is fine. I think
it was the fencing.
Good. Good.
Now we can take the
board out of the bed.
It'll be my pleasure.
[phone rings]
Hello.
Yes, this is he.
Right.
Good.
- Okay.
- What was that?
Good news. Soup
is gonna be okay.
Oh, good.
Mildred,
I thought you might be interested
in knowing you can rest easy.
The man who comes through
windows is going to be just fine.
And from now on will come
through the front door.
And don't disturb
us, Mildred.
Yeah, we will. Thank
you. Good night.
That was sweet of you
to need an excuse
to call Mildred so that
she wouldn't disturb us.
Well, now that the board's
coming out of the bed...
Sally?
Sally.
I got to like it on
the floor, Mac.
Revision and sync:
ExpansivePlatin - 2021
Code 2, Code 2, Sgt. Enright.
Proceed to
Cable Car Barn.
Warning: Suspect is
armed. Code 2. Code 2.
[siren wailing]
[grunts]
Watch out, Commissioner.
[grunts]
One back there.
Commissioner,
next time you should stake out the
corner and I should cover the exit.
Yes, Enright, we'll
have to work that out.
All right,
buddy, let's go.
It's the end of
the line for you.
[laughing]
Charlie, better start
cutting that bed board.
We'll have this out to the house
in an hour for you, Mrs. McMillan.
I know what it's like
to have a backache.
I really appreciate it.
Oh, I've been sleeping on the
floor for the last two nights,
and my husband
really hates it.
Hates to sleep alone.
No. He hates
sleeping on the floor.
Why does your
husband sleep on the...
[screams]
It's okay, lady.
I'm a friend of the
Commissioner's.
What are you doing here?
I... I... I followed you.
You beat me.
Well, I... I came
in the window.
You shouldn't
leave them open.
Burglars.
I don't think I
caught your name.
I'm Soup Metzgar. I
got a message for...
Soup?
Yeah, Soup. S-O-U-P.
[slurps]
Soup, like you drink.
Most people say you eat soup,
but you don't. You drink it.
[slurps]
Uh, I got a message
for the Commissioner.
Well, he should
be home shortly.
Would you like
to come in?
I... I can't.
Then may I come in?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
[car horn honking]
Commissioner, what do you think
would happen if I turned on the siren?
We'll get a headache.
Where? Where?
Where? Where is he?
I... I got to get
back to the Ark.
The Ark?
I wouldn't have taken
a chance like this,
but it was the Commissioner
who saved my life.
Any other lawyer,
innocent or not,
I get the gas chamber.
I owe him.
Would a drink help?
No, I... I don't drink
the hard stuff.
Soft stuff?
No stuff.
Some soup, Soup?
Well...
No, I... I can't. I... I
got to go. Look.
Tell the Commissioner to
meet me at the old place.
Where are you going? We
have a front door, you know.
They might be out there.
Mildred!
Mildred!
I realize that this is
your day off, but...
do you think that you could
give me a hand with this?
Wait a minute, there's
somebody at the door.
[exclaims]
Evening, Commissioner.
Good evening, Mildred.
I quit.
Again?
Not again. Final.
You can't quit today.
- Why not?
- It's your day off.
Okay, then I quit
as of yesterday.
All right. Tell me.
Well, you won't believe it. I
was sleeping in my own bed,
it's my day off, and a strange man
comes in the kitchen window.
A very shifty guy, the
eyes, nose to one side.
He walked...
like that.
How tall was he?
I don't know. I didn't
get a good look at him.
It's okay, Mildred.
He was a friend.
Friends come in through
doors, not through windows.
What about family?
Do they get to come
through doors?
Oh, yeah.
Hi, darling.
Now, about this
friend, who was he?
- His name was Soup Metzgar.
- Soup! What did he want?
Well, he had a message for
you. It was very important.
Well, what was it?
Oh, he didn't leave it.
He wanted to talk to you.
He was afraid to wait.
When will he be back?
Oh, he's not
coming back.
He said for you to meet
him "at the old place."
- What old place?
- What old place?
I assumed you knew.
I mean if somebody
says "the old place",
I assume it's some old
place that you know.
Sally, if some old friend out
of your distant past said,
"Meet me at
the old place,"
would you know
what he meant?
Mmm-hmm.
Girls' john, third floor, across
from the Chemistry lab.
I get it.
You're gonna meet
him at the girls' john?
[chuckling]
No.
He used to work in the
cable car power plant.
Oh, no.
What's wrong with
cable car power plant?
- Nothing.
- You're not going, are you?
I have to go. If Soup says
it's important, it's important.
Mac!
[machines humming]
Soup!
[gun fires]
[gun fires]
[gun fires]
[grunts]
[Mac grunts]
"Commissioner, sorry, I
was followed by Big Shoes.
Your house is going to
be robbed tonight. Soup."
Robbed?
Shh.
Mildred will hear you.
Robbed?
Mildred heard you.
There's nothing to
worry about, Mildred.
There's a policeman
stationed outside.
We're going to
be home tonight.
Oh, no, we're not.
No, we're not. Where
are we going?
We're going to Alex and
Connie's for dessert and coffee,
but first we're all meeting
at the costume company.
Sally.
Mac, I'm the Co-Chairman.
You can't just...
I am not wearing a
costume. I hate the idea.
Well, at least you could
wear something simple,
Like a pirate's costume.
I'll wear a business suit.
That's a now pirate costume.
Some soup, Sally?
Oh, I'd be delighted.
Well, I didn't think
it was that funny.
(Mac)
Oh, I loved it.
That was the best
one I ever heard.
I like that one myself.
Listen, what time will
you be coming home?
Long before your
movie is over with.
We'll drop you
off, Mildred.
Oh, I'm meeting Agnes.
- Agnes?
- Hmm.
Who's Agnes?
Agnes, the
DuSeine's new maid.
Oh, it's on the way.
We'll pick her up.
- Commissioner.
- Yes.
Can I talk to
you a minute?
Yes. Excuse me.
Nobody knows that we're
checking out everything.
I wish I knew what
they were saying.
I don't think
Mr. McMillan told us
everything about his
meeting with Soup.
The policeman is telling
the Commissioner
about a bullet. It
was a .38 caliber.
What bullet?
The Commissioner was shot
at by a Size 15 shoe today.
They found billiard
chalk on a footprint.
They've got leads on
a couple of suspects.
I knew he was keeping
something from us.
The policeman says they're
getting nowhere locating Soup.
Mildred, how
do you do it?
At this distance, and with
them mumbling like that,
how do you hear
everything?
I'm a maid.
Nobody tells us anything, but we're
expected to know everything.
Oh, who expects you
to know everything?
Other maids.
Oh.
[in Transylvanian accent]
Welcome.
It is good to see you.
Forgive me, I do not remember
your face, but your blood
is familiar.
Tom, you look
sensational.
Hmm. Doesn't he?
How did she recognize
me in this makeup?
What makeup?
Where's Janet?
Just you wait. It's
a divine surprise.
How's your back?
Oh, it hurts. How
did you know?
The way you're moving.
You really should do
something for that.
Like sleeping in a coffin with
a stake through my heart?
I got that bed board
you advised, Doctor.
It's pretty
painful, Tom.
Isn't there something
she could take?
Yes. Exercise.
Fencing, for instance.
I recommend it strongly.
(Sally)
Janet, you look fabulous.
Doesn't she?
I've done the
whole Pooh series.
You should see
my Eeyore.
Hello, Mac.
Hi, Janet.
You know, you
should really ask Alex
to teach you how to fence because
he's really a terrific teacher.
He didn't take a
penny for the lessons.
Uh, would you like to
try on your costumes?
I'm not wearing any.
Then you should be
the smash of the party.
Oh, I'd like to
try mine on.
Come.
Alex, got a new
pupil for you.
My price for ladies is very
unreasonable but very pleasant.
- How are you, Sally?
- Fine, Alex.
- Hi, Mac.
- Hi.
Hey! Hey, you think
I look like a dog?
Whatever it is,
you're the next size.
Sally. Hi.
Where's Mac? Hi, Mac.
Is Chuck here?
No. I don't know
where he is.
He's supposed to meet
me half an hour ago.
Maybe he is at work.
Stockbrokers never
work, and at that,
they quit in the middle
of the afternoon.
Come along,
Mrs. McMillan.
Let's get you suited up.
Hey, Alex,
where's Connie?
Behind you.
Marie.
Marie Antoinette.
My queen.
Arise.
(Connie)
You. You in the suit.
Meet me in the buttery
at the stroke of midnight.
Let us eat cake.
Hi, everybody.
(all)
Hi, Chuck.
I'm sorry I'm
late, honey.
Well, where were you?
Oh, honey, you've got
something on your jacket.
Is it blood?
It looks like blood.
A cat was run over.
I stopped and took
it to the SPCA.
Vet says he's going
to be all right.
That was very
nice of you.
You better get into
your costume.
And you better
get into yours.
What are you going
to be, Chuck?
Casanova, of course.
Then you don't
have to change.
Hello, Connie.
Hi, Chuck.
Hey, Alex, let's get
out of these things
and go home and
get everything ready.
See you later.
I'm ready.
Aren't you going to
try on any costume?
[hisses]
Alex, the door.
The lights!
We've been robbed.
(Connie)
The jewelry, the...
The necklace
is still there.
[humming]
[phone ringing]
Hello. Oh, hi,
Commissioner.
No, you didn't
disturb me.
Where?
When?
What?
Okay, I'll get a robbery
detail right on it.
Yeah, I'll be there in a couple
of minutes myself, sir.
No, it's just a few
blocks from me.
Good night.
Why would they go
to all the trouble
of opening the safe and
not steal the jewelry?
- It is a paradox.
- It is a paradox.
Yes, a paradox.
"A paradox, a paradox, a
most unusual paradox."
"Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho"
"A paradox."
What's going on?
I used to study singing.
I thought I might go
into it as a profession.
You made the
right choice.
I'm finished, Commissioner.
It's all yours.
Thank you.
I wonder if this is
a replacement.
A fake? Wouldn't they
close the door of the safe?
That way no one would know
that the original had been taken.
They might have heard the maid
coming home and they had to got off.
The maid didn't
come home.
She went to the
movies with Mildred.
Well, something must
have scared them off.
Connie.
Who sold you
this necklace?
Alex bought it for me.
It's from Rochemont, an
original design. Why?
I'd like to have
it authenticated.
Oh, sure,
I'll take it in tomorrow
and have it checked.
Good.
Would you like
some coffee?
Oh, you must be
exhausted, unless, uh...
No, we'll go.
Nothing more
we can do here.
Mac, thank
you very much.
Sorry it had to
happen, Alex.
Adieu, Sergeant.
Good night.
I hate to mention it, but there is
one more thing you can do for me.
Name it.
Let me have my
necklace back.
Oh.
Keep it in a safe place.
(Sally)
It's Mildred, Mac.
(Mac)
What is?
Mildred, are
you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I just didn't want to go in the
house till somebody came home.
- How much?
- That's all right, Mildred.
- I'll get it.
- No, thanks, it's my fare.
- I'll pay it.
- No, I'll get it.
No. Really, I insist.
I'll do it, Mildred.
How much, driver?
$9.70.
$9.70?
$9.70.
It wasn't a very
long movie.
Can't handle that, Mac.
- Why not?
- That's $20.
Company policy.
We're not supposed
to carry a lot of dough.
Sally, do you
have any cash?
Sorry, darling, no.
Mildred, can I borrow
some money?
I don't have any.
You don't have any?
You just offered
to pay the taxi.
In fact you
insisted on it.
Yeah, but I knew
you wouldn't let me.
All right, give me what
change you've got.
Sorry. It might help
to write to City Hall.
Why?
We could carry more change
if we had better protection.
Believe me,
if there's anything that
needs changing in this town,
it's that police
commissioner.
Thanks, Mac.
[engine starts]
[taxi driving away]
I hope it doesn't get
in the papers, Sally.
- Hmm.
- What?
What happened?
Oh, well, the, uh,
the DuSeine house
was broken into.
No.
Well, now, Mildred, take it easy. No
one was hurt. Nothing was stolen.
It was just broken
into. That's all.
Boy, that Minestrone
was right. Soup.
He said there was going to be a robbery.
Only he had the wrong address.
How did you like the movie?
Did you and Agnes like it?
Oh, uh, well, uh, yeah.
It was fine. It was
a Danish mystery.
Lot of naked murderers.
Now, Mildred, as
I told you before,
no burglar's going to
break into this house.
We don't have
anything of great value,
other than you.
You know, Commissioner,
for a Scotsman, you've
got a lot of blarney in you.
Now you just relax and
you get a good night's rest.
It's easy for
you to talk.
You got a cop
to sleep with.
This is one of those
inside-out, upside-down cases
that my father
would have loved.
Nothing fits.
Well, I'll tell you one thing that fits.
Me and this bed. I'm exhausted.
Sally, what did you
do to this bed?
I put a bed board in it,
makes my back feel better.
You're supposed to put
it under the mattress.
Oh.
How was I supposed to know?
It didn't come with instructions.
The floor is
softer than this.
Why don't you just get down
to what's really bothering you?
Agnes.
Mildred said she went to
the theatre with Agnes.
What's bothering
you about that?
What she didn't say.
Mildred, the great
worrier of all time,
not one question
about her friend.
But you said
right off the bat,
nearly the minute
that we walked
in the door that
nothing was taken,
that everyone was okay.
True. But not
one word like:
"How is she? Is she
upset? Where is she?
Why isn't she home?"
How do you know
she's not home?
I left instructions with
the policeman there
to call me when
she gets in.
[sighs]
Everyone's missing.
Agnes is missing.
Soup is missing.
The man that shot at you...
sh... shot at you is missing.
How did you know that?
Would you grab the sheet?
Well, Mildred happened
to overhear you
when you were talking
to the policeman.
Happened to overhear?
Well, Mac, I don't like the
idea of you getting shot at.
On that particular subject, you
can take second place behind me.
But right now, I like having
you very much in front of me.
Hey, what about
your back?
You shouldn't have
been lifting all that.
- Feels pretty good.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
But who?
Who's going to be there?
No, wait a minute. Don't
hang up. I want to talk...
What's wrong?
That was Soup.
He's trying to help
but he's frightened.
- Where are you going?
- Out.
I could've figured out
that you're going out.
He says I'll meet
somebody interesting
if I go to Hammond
Building, Room 1201.
Do you think it could
be Big Shoes?
I don't know.
But I'll soon find out.
Take care, Mac.
It's company policy.
What's that for?
I don't want to
lose my place.
[phone ringing]
Enright here.
Yes, Commissioner,
I'll be right there.
No, sir, uh, I wasn't
doing anything.
Just relaxing
and reading.
Catching up on last
week's newspaper.
Goodbye.
Wait up for me.
He's alive.
I'll call an ambulance.
I'm going up to
the twelfth floor.
Emergency.
Enright here. Send an
ambulance right over to the,
uh, Hammond Building
right away, please.
[elevator bell dings]
Take... Take anything you
want but don't take my life.
It's all yours.
Anything.
How do I call
downstairs?
Dial four.
[sighs]
Enright?
It's Big Shoes. He's on
his way downstairs.
Be careful.
But, sir, next time I should be
the one to go upstairs alone
and you should be the
one to do the phoning.
Yes, we'll have
to work that out.
You're Corlino?
Yes, sir.
I'm Commissioner
of Police.
What are you doing here
at 2:30 in the morning?
Working.
The man in the hallway.
What was his name and
what was he doing here?
I haven't got the
faintest idea.
Maybe he came to rob me.
Maybe you had a prearranged
meeting with him.
No, no, sir.
No, no, no, no.
You had no meeting
with anyone?
Hello, Chuck.
How did you
know I was here?
If you're gonna have
a secret meeting,
you'd have to be a
little bit more careful.
I saw your name in
the log downstairs.
A secret meeting with
my name on the log?
Isn't that what an
honest man would do?
You're probably
wondering why I'm here.
You can eliminate
"probably."
Well, Mr. Corlino's a
very good client of mine.
He works late and
he sleeps late.
He wanted me to buy
stocks for his account
first thing in the morning
when the market opened.
Why didn't you
handle it by phone?
Um...
It was, uh, a rather
large, private transaction
in the amount of,
uh, $45,000 in cash.
In cash?
I have this problem
with my wife.
I don't like checks clearing
through the account.
Where's the $45,000?
Right here.
Excuse me, sir, but
Big Shoes got away.
The guard okay?
Yes. He's on his
way to the hospital.
This is a friend of
mine. Chuck Forrest.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Enright, count
this, will you?
Undoubtedly, this
explains the presence
of the man you were
chasing, the robber.
He must have
known my habits.
Neat.
Neat, but not gaudy.
You can't blame
me for going after
a nice commission,
now, can you, Mac?
Well, if you don't
need me any longer,
stockbrokers have to get
up and do work at 5:00,
- remember?
- Sometimes 2:15.
Mr. Corlino,
I'll send a bonded messenger
over for the money.
That's... that's fine.
- Good night, Mac.
- Good night, Chuck.
Mr. Corlino,
[door closes]
Let me ask you
something.
You're a jeweler.
Are you by any chance familiar
with the DuSeine necklace?
Commissioner,
you're a policeman.
Do you really expect
me to answer this
without the benefit
of an attorney?
No.
But perhaps you'd
better alert him.
[chiming]
Hi. Good book?
Oh.
What are you doing up?
Oh, I was just
going to, um...
Oh, I can't think
of a good lie.
I was worried about you.
You have to learn
not to worry.
That's what this
book is about.
What's worrying you?
The more involved
I get in this case,
the more it involves
our friends.
Alex and Connie
were robbed,
Soup is hiding
someplace.
Probably in danger.
And I just met Chuck in
an all-night jeweler's.
Sally, women talk
to one another.
Do you know if
any of our friends
are having money
problems?
No.
Let's go to bed.
Wait a minute.
That "let's go to bed,"
was not a "let's go
to bed," it was a:
"Let's not talk about
it. Let's go to bed."
You're so smart,
I don't know why I
worry about you.
- Let's go to bed.
- Sally.
- It's Alex.
- Alex?
Oh, I shouldn't have
said that. Forget it.
I can't forget something
like, "It's Alex."
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
It's all right,
it's my fault.
I shouldn't have
brought it up.
I can't say any
more about it.
Yes, you can.
What about Alex?
I promised Connie that
I wouldn't tell anybody.
I'm your husband.
Yeah, I know, I know,
you're my husband to me.
But to Connie,
you're anybody.
Sally, you know that
anything you tell me,
I'll hold in confidence.
I know, Mac but
I was told to hold
what I was told
in confidence.
Now if I tell you,
I'll be violating
that confidence
in the belief that you will
keep the confidence.
But what's to prevent
you from revealing
that confidence to
someone you feel
equally confident will, uh,
will keep the confidence?
Sally, you're
withholding evidence.
Mac, I'm going
to trust you.
Good.
Now, a couple
of weeks ago,
Connie indicated
that she and Alex
were having a little
rough go of it financially.
Now, about a week ago,
when we were
all at the theatre,
I think, no, I'm not
sure, but I think
that Connie was trying
to sell the necklace.
If you're right,
Connie's desperate.
You don't think she arranged
to have the necklace stolen
so she could claim the
insurance, do you?
What a terrible
thing to say!
It's also meaningless,
'cause the necklace
wasn't stolen.
- Let's go to bed.
- Ha!
Sure, you can
sleep. You're not guilty.
You didn't violate
a confidence.
I wasn't withholding
evidence.
I was withholding
nothing.
Sally.
She was confident that
I'd keep her confidence,
but you said that
it was evidence.
And evidently, you
think that evidence
justifies violating
a confidence.
- Where are we going?
- To bed.
I had that feeling.
Good morning, Mildred.
Good morning,
Commissioner.
Who left me this note?
Mrs. McMillan.
It's in your
handwriting.
Oh, I know, I know.
She was in a hurry.
She asked me
to write it down.
Well, what does it say?
I don't know,
I can't read it.
Do you remember what
she said to write down?
Uh, yeah. She said to tell you
she didn't want to waken you,
she was in a hurry and
she'll be at the club
decorating the
ballroom all day.
Doesn't seem to be
what I wrote down here.
It's good enough.
What would you like this
morning, Commissioner?
Oh, just a
cup of coffee.
What are you
nervous about?
- Nervous?
- Yeah.
Your hands are shaking.
Uh, yeah, I
noticed that.
Don't you feel well?
I'm feeling guilty.
That's what I'm feeling.
Commissioner,
I'm an accessory.
I violated the trust
you put in me.
What did you do?
Well, uh,
Commissioner...
Commissioner,
Agnes never went
to the movie.
- What?
- Well, she got a headache
just before we went in.
I said I'd go home with her
but, uh, she insisted I stay.
And then, when
you came home
and told me her place
had been ransacked,
and you didn't even
mention Agnes,
I didn't know
what to say.
I didn't want to
incriminate her.
I called there early
this morning,
and she never came home.
Commissioner, I've
withheld evidence.
But I didn't want to
violate a confidence,
but evidently the evidence
I didn't want to violate
was a violation
of the confidence
that you placed in me.
Mildred, are you secretly the
mother of that woman I married?
Hi, Mac, good morning.
Good morning. Uh,
Sally, this is urgent.
I got to find Soup. Now
try to put it together.
Where did he
say he lived?
He said Ark, Mac.
You sure he said
Ark? Not park?
Oh, no, I'm sure, Mac,
'cause when he said Ark,
I thought of two
by two, twins.
Wouldn't it be nice
to have twins?
Yeah, we'll have to
get together on that.
Bye, Mac.
The machine's
malfunctioning, sir.
How long will it be before
we get a report on Agnes?
It shouldn't
be very long.
I'm supposed to meet
the Mayor in
20 minutes, that is, if the
elevator strike is settled.
I didn't know the man was
negotiating the elevator strike.
He's not. He's stranded on the
38th floor of the Equitable Building.
[telex machine beeps]
Oh, that must be
Dallas now, sir.
[telex machine printing]
What does it say?
It says, "The
machine is working.
Is working, is working."
Here it is,
"Dallas, Texas.
"Agnes Willoughby.
Domestic servant.
Charged and convicted,
1951. Theft of ring."
Put out an APB on her.
What about Big Shoes?
Anything on him?
Nothing as yet, sir,
but I have two men
checking every
shoe store in town.
If you find a pair of tan
loafers my size, let me know.
What about my friend,
Chuck Forrest?
Well, the lab reports that it
was animal blood on the coat
and everything
else checks out.
He did take an injured cat to
the SPCA at the time he stated.
Good.
What about our friendly,
round-the-clock jeweler, Corlino?
Anything on him?
Negative.
Anything on Soup?
Negative.
This whole case
is negative.
Affirmative.
We gotta find out where Soup
lives. We don't wanna lose him.
Sir, Mrs. McMillan was the last
one to spend any time with Soup.
Do you remember if she remembers
his saying anything that'll help us?
Well, I remember asking her, but she
didn't remember anything, remember?
Great lunch. How'd you
ever find that place?
A friend of Mac's,
who's a soup freak,
told me they have the
best chowder in town.
Thanks for picking
up the check.
Forget it. Next time
it'll be your turn.
I hope so.
May I tell you something
in confidence?
Absolutely not.
Sally, please, I just got
to talk to someone,
and you are
my best friend.
Chuck's business is
really doing terribly.
Please don't tell me.
My husband is the
Commissioner of Police.
Before that, he was the best
criminal attorney in town.
He gets everything
out of me.
He even knows my
age, so don't tell me.
(Sally)
Noah's Ark.
That's it, the Ark!
The Ark?
That's where he lives!
I've got to find a phone. There
must be a phone around here.
There!
Okay, I'll check
back in an hour.
Ah! Don't close this. I
have to call my husband.
Lady, this is the police
call box. Business only.
Well, this is a
business call.
My husband's the
Commissioner of Police.
Oh, sure he is.
He is. Call him
up and ask him.
This is an emergency.
I am Mrs. McMillan.
Tell him I have the Soup
information that he needs.
The soup information?
I'm not gonna say
another word.
Just call him.
Plug me through to the
Commissioner's office, please.
Sir,
this is Patrolman
Dumbowsky.
There's a young lady here
who says she's your wife.
Dark?
Yes, sir.
That, too, sir.
Well, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
You're the one.
Hi, Mac.
Mac, I found the
Ark. It's a boat.
Where?
At the Bay Marina,
near the entrance.
Bay Marina.
Sally, you're a credit
to my profession.
I'll keep an eye out
till you get here.
No, you go on home.
We' ll take care of it.
[phone ringing]
I'll be right
there, sir.
Where am I going?
Yes, sir.
(Enright)
There's Big Shoes and Soup!
Hold it! Police!
I'm all right.
Yeah, I'm all right.
[gun firing]
[boat engine starting]
[gun firing]
Hello, Tom.
Hello, Mac.
I didn't know I hit him.
You didn't.
I did.
Tom.
Abel Kleinschmidt,
do you know him?
Patient of mine. I
treated him off and on.
Was he heading for
your boat for a reason?
He's been on
the boat before.
Probably looking
for the keys,
he was probably
going to steal it.
Why did you shoot him?
Working on my gun,
he jumped aboard.
I fired. That's all
that happened.
How did you happen to
have him as a patient?
Somebody
recommended him.
I don't remember who.
Look, I'm going to the
hospital to see how he is.
I'll need a report
from you later.
[siren wailing]
[people chattering]
How are you doing?
Well, I feel lucky
to be alive.
That close, huh?
- Yeah, you know what?
- What?
My sandwich saved me.
- What?
- See?
The bullet got stuck in
the Polish sausage.
Soup will be all right in
a couple of days, sir.
Wasn't that Big Shoes,
Commissioner?
Yeah.
His name is Abel
Kleinschmidt.
Abel Kleinschmidt.
[engine starting]
That registers.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm, uh, programming
myself for Kleinschmidt.
Would you mind
programming yourself
in my office? I
have work to do.
Sure, but, uh, can we stop and
pick up a sandwich on the way?
- Sure.
- My sandwich got wounded.
I'll recommend
it for a pension.
What do you think
of this case, En?
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
I'm sorry, sir, but
I needed that.
Commissioner,
that... that doctor,
he's a...
he's a friend of
yours, isn't he?
Yes, I have
ubiquitous friends.
[exclaims]
Ah, something's
coming back.
Enright.
Kleinschmidt, Abel.
Armed robbery
'59, assault '63.
He served five
years in prison.
But he's no innovator.
Somebody has to do
his thinking for him.
I figured, but
who is it?
Soup would
have the answer.
But it'll be a couple of days
before we can talk to him.
(officer)
Sergeant Enright, we found this.
It fell out of
Kleinschmidt's pocket.
Thank you.
Oh, boy. If I could
whistle, I'd whistle.
You can't whistle?
Huh-huh. Only breathing
in. Not breathing out.
[whistles]
See?
[Mac whistles]
That's for you.
Hey, maybe Kleinschmidt was
planning to go to that costume ball.
I doubt if he was
on the guest list.
Well,
he could have been planning
to, uh, to crash the party,
take a second crack
at the necklace.
But why?
The necklace we
found has to be a fake,
otherwise it wouldn't have
been left in the safe.
Have you heard
from Mrs. DuSeine?
Has she been to
the jeweler's yet?
She said she'd be
there about, uh,
about 20 minutes
from now.
Let's go down.
If you're lucky, maybe he'll
bronze your sandwich for you.
What's the matter,
Mr. Rochemont?
Uh, I am sorry. It isn't this.
It's an unbelievable smell.
[sniffs]
Cheese or sausage.
Pardon me, but it really
is most distracting
and unexplainable.
What about the necklace?
Oh, there's no question.
No question whatsoever.
- That it's real?
- Yes.
Yes? You're sure?
I created it. I know
my own work.
It is genuine.
Thank you.
Ah. Feel a lot better.
Would you like us to
see you home, Connie?
Oh, thank you, Mac,
but the insurance company
insisted I go with their driver.
See you tomorrow
night. Bye.
So long, Connie.
And, uh, thank you,
Mr. Rochemont.
It's a pleasure,
Commissioner.
Follow her.
Why, you have
a suspicion?
Nothing that good, but
when in doubt, follow her.
Right.
[belches]
No, sir, no one named Kleinschmidt
reserved or rented a costume.
All right, if you hear
anything, let me know.
I'll certainly
keep in touch.
Thank you.
Well, it doesn't make
any sense at all,
but we've got to
cover that party.
I can't go on hunches.
You've got no tip, no
proof, no nothing.
We've got a $250,000
necklace at a costume ball
and over 100
guests in disguise.
It's impossible to
cover the in and outs
of a place like that without
the detail of at least 20 men.
Look, Commissioner. Look,
look at all these doors,
corridors, back, side,
front entrances.
How many men
can we spare?
- Two.
- Two?
All right, three.
Four.
Okay, okay, five.
- But five's not enough.
- Make it six.
I've got a solution.
Call the party off.
Maybe I can talk Connie DuSeine
out of wearing the necklace.
You do that
and I'll kiss you.
Don't discourage me.
I'll call you and
let you know.
Connie, do yourself
a favor, will you?
Don't wear the
necklace to that party.
Are you telling us that you
cannot protect her, Mac?
[Mac laughs]
Alex,
maybe he's right.
Oh, come on, Connie,
you're going to wear it.
- Uh, sit down, Mac.
- No.
Are you sure you
don't want a drink?
No, I'll just stay a minute. This
isn't fun and games, Alex.
There're ruthless
people out there
who are after
that necklace.
And I don't want to see
anybody else get hurt.
It's my duty to
warn you the risk.
I know about
the risk, Mac.
A man doesn't buy his wife
a necklace worth a fortune
without being
aware of the risk.
What good is a necklace if
the woman can't wear it?
That's true and
I can't stop you.
I can only tell you,
you're asking for trouble.
Alex, maybe I shouldn't
wear it, as a favor to Mac.
Connie, he's not worried
about your necklace.
He's worried about the possible
embarrassment to his department.
[chuckles]
Have it your way.
I'm supposed to
take care of people
and you do fall into the
category of people.
Then take care of
us. That's your job.
But Connie's going
to wear the necklace.
Mac, I refuse to live in
an atmosphere of terror.
Good afternoon.
Bye, Mac.
[door closes]
(Sally)
You did it again.
I did it again.
Oh, that's right,
say it like you
didn't do it again.
Well, I may have
done it again
and then again, I may
not have done it again.
What are we talking
about, Sally?
I call you with
Soup information.
You go after him.
Then what happens?
Nothing happens. We
don't hear a word.
We've been nervous
wrecks all day long.
You should've
called the office.
I did call the office.
Ann didn't know
where you were.
You didn't call her.
She's very worried.
You know, she wants me to
call you if I heard anything.
There's nothing
to worry about.
Nothing to worry about?
The last time you
went after Soup,
you got shot at.
Ah, we caught him.
You did? Thank God.
Why couldn't you have
called and told us?
On Tom's boat?
Maybe he
wanted to buy it.
Tom wants to sell
that boat, you know.
He wasn't shopping.
I was chasing him.
How do you know Tom
wants to sell his boat?
Janet told me.
Oh.
In confidence.
Would you like a drink?
Yeah.
I could use one,
or two or, uh, three.
I'm sorry I made
you worry.
I must have. You
don't drink solo.
Mmm, I'm not
drinking solo.
I'm keeping
Mildred company.
You know, when... when
you didn't call,
she got very nervous.
I had to give her a
drink to calm her down.
To cheer her up,
- make her feel better.
- How is she feeling?
Better.
I was looking for some
gin to make you martini,
but I think somebody
drank it all.
I wonder who
that could be.
I'll make myself a
scotch, Mildred.
Thank you for
your concern.
You really should
have called.
It wasn't very kind.
I'm gonna go
make dinner.
I think.
[sighs]
Sally, that necklace
isn't a fake.
I don't like it. I know
why I don't like it.
Why do I feel the sudden
urge to say why?
I don't like it because
I've that feeling
that every one
of our friends
knows what's going
on, except me.
Maybe it's money, Mac.
All of our friends seem to
be having financial troubles.
- All of them?
- Uh...
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Let's see, now, we've
covered Alex and Connie,
Tom and Janet,
so Laurie told
you in confidence
that Chuck needs
money, too.
I'm not saying a word.
But you're not
saying no.
I'm not saying.
Everybody's not saying.
Kleinschmidt's
alive, but no help.
Soup is alive, no help.
Agnes is
missing, no help.
Corlino isn't talking.
Chuck isn't talking,
Tom isn't talking.
Mildred's the one who's
doing some talking,
and she isn't
making any sense.
Cheers!
[phone ringing]
Yoo-hoo. Commissioner,
it's for you.
What is?
(Mildred)
The phone.
Well, I'll take
it in here.
I already took
it in there.
It's Chief Yeakel.
Yeah, Chief.
Oh, yeah?
Listen, I
forgot to say...
Right.
- ...if you were in or out.
- I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
Yeah.
Well, I suppose it would
be a good idea, but...
Oh, you did?
- I didn't tell him...
- I see.
...it was the
McMillan residence.
I'll tell him, for you.
Okay, Chief.
I guess that is the
only thing we can do.
All right. Thank you.
Mildred.
What did Chief
Yeakel want?
I'm wearing a
costume tonight.
Oh, Mac, I knew
you'd come around.
Thank you.
That kiss was under
false pretenses.
It's business, Sally.
Connie's going to wear her necklace,
and we don't want it stolen.
The Chief is going
to augment the force
and he feels the costume
would be an excellent cover.
Well, you could've
lied to me.
No, I couldn't.
Well, can I lie to me?
You didn't want
me to feel bad,
so you decided to
wear a costume.
Connie's necklace is just
a good excuse to do it.
Yes, Sally.
I knew you'd
do it, for me.
Mac, are you ready?
Mac, are you ready?
Yeah.
Oh, you look so cute.
I'm not going.
Mac, you've got to.
Besides, that was the
only thing they had left.
Now here, I made this
finishing touch just for you.
I feel like a horse's
behind in this.
You don't look like one.
Besides, you'd be
a bunny's behind.
Turn around.
[phone ringing]
Hello.
Oh.
Okay, I'll tell
him. Thank you.
That was Chief Yeakel.
He's getting very nervous.
The DuSeines
arrived early.
He wants us to hurry.
Okay.
You know, I always
wanted to ask...
No jokes.
Remember now, no jokes.
No, let's not hurry. You
know what happened...
[siren wailing]
Do you know how
fast you were?
Okay, Peter Rabbit,
let's see your license.
Well, I don't have
my license, but...
Okay, Bugs Bunny, do you
want to step out of the car,
please and take
a little test?
Uh, I'm Commissioner
McMillan.
Now, every rabbit I
stop tells me that.
But you were driving
over the speed limit
and you don't
have your license.
Now do you want to step
out of the car, please,
and take a little test or I'm
gonna haul you downtown.
He is Commissioner
McMillan.
Yes, ma'am.
Mister, don't do anything
we'll both be sorry for.
I am Commissioner McMillan
and there's a robbery.
A robbery. Now
that's funny,
because I haven't
heard about a robbery.
I am Commissioner McMillan and
the robbery hasn't happened yet.
The robbery hasn't
happened yet.
Then you've got time
to take a little test,
all right?
I want you to walk
this line to about...
Want to walk
that, please?
Good luck, Mac.
Vehicle checks out,
belongs to McMillan.
Uh, thank you,
that was excellent,
Commissioner.
Bye, promotion.
[chuckles]
Come on, Mac.
We better hurry.
[all chattering]
[music playing]
McDonagle,
everything okay?
Good, the Commissioner
will be here soon.
[ticking]
Excuse me.
[chimes tinkering]
Watch out for the
steps, Mac. One, two...
Good evening, Sergeant.
Don't you say a word.
Yes, sir.
Evening, Mrs. McMillan.
Hi, Sgt. Enright.
Where have you
got your gun?
How's everything going?
We got devils surrounded
at every entrance there.
I mean, we got them at
the archway over there.
We've got a devil at the front
door, devil at backdoor,
devil at the bandstand,
and a devil at
the punch bowl.
Good, where's the chief?
Oh, he's over there by the punch
bowl, sir talking to McDonagle.
He's gone out on a limb for us
and put on three extra men.
Oh, yeah?
Dressed as
waiters, right?
Right.
Good evening, Chief.
Oh, oh, good evening.
Good evening.
Nice party, you know.
Yeah.
I see they took away your
name and gave you a number.
Yeah, well, I was lucky to
get anything the last minute.
All they had left was this and
some stupid Easter bunny outfit.
McDonagle, uh, let's
check those, uh...
What was that?
That's a red herring.
I don't see any
of our friends.
Oh, well, here's Tom
and Janet Benton
dancing and there's
Laurie Forrest.
Where are the DuSeines?
Oh, uh, they're
in the anteroom.
Let's go say hello
to Alex and Connie.
I'll go look for
Mr. Forrest.
(Connie)
I hate it when you're like
this. I mean I just, I hate it.
I don't want to
talk about it.
Keep him away from me.
Just a little show
of royal temper.
Shall we turn to
our subjects, dear?
Wow! Now I believe
in the Easter bunny.
Hey, Sally, you have
done a fantastic job
of converting
this mausoleum.
I mean, it sparkles.
Not nearly as much
as your necklace.
(Mac)
I can see some of the breaths it's taking,
including my own.
Oh, Mac, relax.
I will, in about
four hours.
(man on microphone)
Dr. Tom Benton, please.
Will Dr. Tom Benton please go
to the phone in the main lobby?
That's the penalty for being a
good doctor. Always on duty.
Hi, people. Be back
in a minute, I hope.
[people clapping]
If it is, I'd like to see the patient's
face when he arrives in that outfit
and suggests
a transfusion.
Shall we, dear?
Excuse us.
Hey, mister, you haven't
complimented me
on the decorations
or anything.
What?
You could get
closer if we danced.
Yeah.
Okay, let's see.
Well, you could
get closer.
You mean, to
the necklace?
For one thing.
May I have your tail,
Miss Pussy Cat?
It would be my pleasure.
You're kidding,
those feet.
Well, I think, uh,
beauty contests
are a vital part
of our society.
Oh, honey, where
have you been?
I've been looking
all over for you.
Of course you have.
She's cute for
such a big girl.
I've got to tell Connie discreetly
to stay where we can watch her.
Oh, Mac, you were
never so graceful.
Mac, are you holding
something back?
Do you have a tip that that necklace
is going to be stolen tonight?
Yes.
I got a tip, from
me to me.
Well, when Alex asks me to dance,
you can dance with her and tell her.
Ha, ha, ha.
What makes you
- think he's gonna do that?
- Oh, come on.
A woman knows
those things.
Hey, Alex, would you
like to dance with me?
- My pleasure.
- See?
Yeah, here's your tail.
Well, let's see, hmm.
Okay, here we go.
Wow. This is
a super party.
I mean I've had a dozen
invitations to dance.
I wonder what
they're after.
I hope it isn't
the necklace.
Yeah, me, too.
Connie, do me a
favor, will you?
Stay where we
can watch you.
Sure.
Um,
how many "you"
are watching me?
Ooh,
half a squad.
Hey, I've always wondered,
how much is half a squad?
And which ones are they?
I don't know.
You should have
bought a program.
Oh, you!
[all clapping]
Sally is the most graceful panther
I've danced with in years.
You are very gallant.
That's because I'm
Louis ll, and I try harder.
[both laughing]
There you are.
See you later.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Everything all right?
- Yes.
How is Kleinschmidt?
Still in a coma.
Frankly, Mac, I'm not
sure he's gonna make it.
Is that good for our side,
or bad for our side?
Mac.
[gun fires]
[all screaming]
Tom.
[woman screaming]
(Sally)
Is he all right? Is he all right?
(Tom)
He's alive.
Adams, call an
ambulance.
Enright, have the rest of
the men cover the exits.
Attention, ladies
and gentlemen.
I'm Chief of
Police, Yeakel.
[screams]
They're gone.
All right, Connie, tell me exactly
what happened. Excuse me.
When... when it got dark,
they... they just disappeared.
I think... I think I
felt a scissors,
I think they... they
were just snipped off.
Mac, look.
Out of my way!
[tires screeching]
Call an ambulance.
It's Gregorian.
You know, the costumer.
Did you find
the necklace?
Not on the body.
We checked all along the escape
route, we couldn't find it, either.
(Sally)
Mac.
I can't sleep.
I can.
Oh, Mac, my back.
I've got tension knots
all up and down it.
What happened to
the fencing lessons?
Alex call it off?
Oh, no, he said it would be good
to keep our date tomorrow.
Keep our minds
off things.
That's a good idea.
[groaning]
I can't sleep until I get
everything straight.
Now, Kleinschmidt was
working for Gregorian.
And Gregorian masterminded
the whole thing, right?
I think that there were two
people after the necklace.
Gregorian and
someone else.
And the other
one got it.
And now, good night.
You can't say good night after
you said someone else got it.
How do you know two
people were involved?
Because there were two
plans to blow the lights.
Maybe one of them was a
backup plan for the other one.
I don't think so.
Good night.
Good night, Mac.
Mac, who do you think
was after the necklace?
If I answer that, will you
let me get some sleep?
Yes.
I don't know.
Mac, you must have some
idea who was after it.
Hmm, well, it was
whoever fired the gun.
How do you know it wasn't
Gregorian who fired the gun?
There would be nitrate
residue on his sleeve.
The gun wasn't traceable,
but whoever fired it
will have traces of
nitrate on his sleeve.
I know that. I used to do the
gun powder test for my dad.
And now, let's
get some sleep.
Okay.
Mac, do you think
that one of the people
that we've known
for a real long time
could have been pressured
into doing something like this?
[water running]
What?
Do you think one of
our friends did it?
Well, if you're asking me
if one of our friends is
an attempted murderer,
the answer is yes.
I can't hear a word
you're saying.
I said yes,
it's possible.
Commissioner,
you'll never guess...
Oh, I didn't knock.
I always knock. I mean, I knock even
when there's no reason to knock.
I should have knocked.
Come in, Mildred.
Commissioner,
Agnes is downstairs.
She feels very badly that
she didn't go to the police.
But she was afraid the police
would think she'd done it.
Because of her record,
and then she'd get fired.
Agnes, what happened
Wednesday night?
She came home with
a terrible headache.
And she saw that big man open
the safe and take out the necklace.
She was terrified.
Go on, Agnes.
He looked at the necklace
and put it back in the safe
and then turned around
and saw her watching him.
Well, she ran.
Agnes, now,
this is important.
If you had a headache,
why didn't you stay home?
Because Mr. and Mrs. DuSeine
insisted that she go out.
Agnes, is that true?
Thank you, Agnes.
You've been very helpful.
Commissioner, you've made
Agnes very happy today.
I don't think Alex and Connie
are going to say the same.
(Connie)
Mac, it wasn't a fake.
Kleinschmidt and Gregorian
knew it was a fake.
That's why they
left it in the safe.
It was not a fake.
You had a copy made,
didn't you, Connie?
Why would I put a
copy in the safe?
Because of your husband.
You didn't want him to know you'd
allowed the real necklace to be pawned.
Mac,
you were there when the jeweler
authenticated my necklace.
The authentication was
what created the problem.
You made Chuck go down to Corlino's
and borrow the real necklace.
Chuck?
Oh, come on, Mac.
You were followed when
you left the jeweler's.
The detective saw you and
Chuck exchanging packages.
You obviously switched back to the
phony necklace to wear at the ball.
Boy!
I feel safe in a city with a police
commissioner as perceptive as you are.
Connie, if Chuck dies,
you could be an
accessory to murder.
Do you understand that?
Now, for the last time,
was that necklace a fake?
Yes.
[sighs]
All right.
Now I need to know who
stole the necklace at the ball.
Why don't you just go on? You seem
to have theorized it beautifully.
I think you stole your own necklace
to cover up the deception.
Which is not a crime, Connie,
unless you file an insurance claim.
The only thing you're
guilty of, so far,
is a lover's
indiscretion.
[pouring water]
I stole the
necklace myself.
I needed money.
For Chuck?
Yes.
So he could cover
stock manipulations.
I love him.
So you did it for Chuck?
And Alex did it for you.
Alex?
He didn't want you to know
he needed the money.
He was afraid
he'd lose you.
So he set up the first robbery with
Gregorian to get the insurance money.
For me?
There's a bitter
irony in it, Connie.
If Alex hadn't
stolen for you,
he never would have
found out about your...
infidelity.
Alex shot Chuck?
Yes.
- Enright.
- Yes, sir.
Get on down to
Gregorian's and check.
Alex's costume before
it's dry-cleaned.
There's a possibility it might
have nitrate on the sleeve.
I'll pick up Alex.
Yes, sir.
Do you want to
stay here awhile?
Can I?
Sure.
I need a minute or two to catch
my breath, sort out my life.
Stay as long
as you like.
Very reasonable rates.
You're... you're a very
special man, Mac.
I hope Sally
realizes that.
I remind her of
it every night.
If you need anything,
ask my secretary, huh?
[bell ringing]
[birds chirping]
You know, I'm really looking
forward to this, Alex.
But I've got to warn you, I only
know two things about fencing.
A Douglas and Fairbanks.
Don't worry, Sally.
I'll teach you.
Okay.
Pick a foil. One that
feels good to you.
Try this.
- Good? Follow me.
- Good.
Oh, Alex, here's
your costume.
I'll return it for you. I've
got to take ours back, too.
Oh, no, thank you, Sally. I'll
bring it back myself on Monday.
$27.50 a day? Not to
mention the weekend.
You'll be losing. I'm
glad to do it, Alex.
No, thank you, Sally.
Listen, I'm going there
anyway. Why not?
Anyway, this one needs
cleaning. It's got, uh...
Looks like nitrate,
um,
on the sleeve.
You're a very
bright girl, Sally.
But that was
very stupid.
What do you know?
Well, I don't know if
I know what I know.
I mean, I probably don't know half
as much as I know, you know?
Why don't we
start fencing?
We are fencing, Sally.
Oh, maybe
we better quit.
You've put yourself in a
very unfortunate situation.
Alex, if you've got
something to hide,
why don't you just
go to Mac and tell him?
I'm sure he'll do everything
he can to help you.
Now, that's not
my nature, Sally.
You don't know me.
Alex, you broke
the tip off your foil.
I regret to say that there's going
to be a terrible fencing accident.
Unguard.
[screams]
I can't kill you
outright, Sally.
I'll have to make it
look like an accident.
Kill me? You're
not kidding?
I'm afraid not.
[groans]
Alex, stop this. You
don't want to kill me.
That's true. But I
have to. Fight back!
How can I?
Alex, stop this.
Alex, stop this.
Alex!
I'm leaving, Mac, and
she's leaving with me.
- Don't be foolish.
- Hold it.
One more step, Commissioner,
and you will be a widower.
Come on!
Oh!
Oh, Mac, here.
(Sally)
Go on. Go on.
Mac, watch it!
- I'll call the cops!
- Do that.
Get me the police.
Right!
[electric saw whirring]
Mac!
- Book him.
- Yes, sir.
(Mac)
Burglary, attempted murder.
Listen, Commissioner,
next time,
you should pick up the clothing
and I should pick up the suspect.
Yes, Enright, we'll
have to work that out.
[inhales]
[sighing]
I'm glad it's over.
Guess what?
My back is fine. I think
it was the fencing.
Good. Good.
Now we can take the
board out of the bed.
It'll be my pleasure.
[phone rings]
Hello.
Yes, this is he.
Right.
Good.
- Okay.
- What was that?
Good news. Soup
is gonna be okay.
Oh, good.
Mildred,
I thought you might be interested
in knowing you can rest easy.
The man who comes through
windows is going to be just fine.
And from now on will come
through the front door.
And don't disturb
us, Mildred.
Yeah, we will. Thank
you. Good night.
That was sweet of you
to need an excuse
to call Mildred so that
she wouldn't disturb us.
Well, now that the board's
coming out of the bed...
Sally?
Sally.
I got to like it on
the floor, Mac.
Revision and sync:
ExpansivePlatin - 2021