Masameer County (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Ice Cream - full transcript
Bandar's midnight snack craving leads him to an unexpected adventure.
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN
CHARACTERS AND EVENTS
ARE FICTIONAL
GREEDY BOOBOO
Once upon a time,
Booboo went with his mom to the park.
Booboo saw the other children
eating ice cream
and asked his mother to buy him some.
Booboo went with his mom
to the ice cream cart.
His mother bought him an ice cream cone
with one scoop of ice cream.
Booboo screamed and demanded more scoops.
Booboo's mom asked the ice cream man
to add more scoops.
But Booboo was still not happy
and asked for more.
After several more scoops,
Booboo got his big ice cream cone.
Booboo pranced in front of the other kids,
screaming at the top of his lungs…
And when Booboo
was about to taste his ice cream,
the ice cream fell on the ground.
Booboo started crying,
and people stared at him.
Then the wise owl said,
"Greed is never a good thing."
The end.
That's it? That's how it ends?
-Yes, sir.
-What's this boring story?
Are you serious?
Why didn't he eat the ice cream?
Is that what you two decided?
Who wrote this?
Who's in charge of this story?
Sir, the moral of the story
is the opposite of what you're saying.
Give me the book so I can teach you
the moral of the story.
In the end,
Booboo ate all of the ice cream.
All the kids around him were jealous
and started crying out of envy.
That's better. That's how the story ends.
Okay, sir. I'm off to my mother's house,
and I'll see you after Friday.
-Good night.
-Fuck off!
May you be hit by a disaster, dear.
MASAMEER COUNTY
Maneh. Maneh!
-Yes, sir.
-I want ice cream. Now.
What's up with you at this hour, man?
You ask for ice cream
while I'm here with the men?
Any man would ask for rice and meat.
Come on. Be quick, or I'll be angry.
I'm telling you to move it.
What's with this attitude--
He's useless. Gosh!
Why do I know the likes of him?
Disgusting.
Okay, it says,
"Press down on the brakes,
and, if it's a manual car, shift gears."
"Release your foot slowly"…
In your dreams, sucker!
Okay.
Where do we get ice cream from?
Where can I go?
Yes, there it is.
BITTER PENGUIN APPLIANCES
God bless you!
Do you believe it?
My mother called me this morning
and told me that she had a dream
of me swimming in the Nile.
And there you are
bringing me good fortune.
I've worked in this department
for over 25 years,
and never has a gentleman like yourself
bought all the freezers in the showroom
for cash.
-Would you like to see the washers?
-No. No need.
Let me open this freezer.
Of course. It's your freezer, sir.
It arrived yesterday.
-What's that?
-Excuse me, sir?
-Where's the ice cream?
-Ice cream?
Are you making fun of me?
Where is the ice cream?
Are you selling me empty freezers?
Fill it with whatever you like--
chicken, meat or ice cream.
I will punch you in the face.
Do I look like a fool to you?
Hands off, or else…
I'm going to the police.
If it weren't for them, I would show you
how I get what's mine!
Go on, you idiot!
Go back to Simpleton Island!
This is bullshit!
Oh, dear! Where will I find
another ice cream shop?
Hey, boy. Where do they sell ice cream
around here?
Vanilla or chocolate?
Chocolate.
Small or big?
The biggest you have.
Follow me.
MY LOVE
Somebody ordered local chocolate flavor?
No, go away.
Do you know what's better than chocolate?
Nothing is better than chocolate.
Chocolate with vanilla.
-What's up?
-This fool says he won't pay.
What?
-Why remove my pants for ice cream?
-Don't waste my time.
-What have my pants got to do with it?
-Pants off, money here.
I can end your life with one phone call.
-Stupid! I know the likes of you.
-Get away from me. I'll destroy you.
How many times have I told you
not to leave the house?
But I scored today, Dad.
The world is filled with bad people.
Do you want to get kidnapped
or cause distress to your mother?
Abu Bandar, that's enough!
Mom, we were playing
in front of the house.
You've plenty of toys.
Come, don't upset Mommy.
-What brings you here?
-I was looking for ice cream.
Ice cream?
Okay, what if I told you I knew a place…
with all kinds of delicious ice cream
and you can eat nonstop?
Chocolate flavor?
Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry,
everything.
Wanna go?
…our conscience against
this moral and intellectual invasion.
Today, we have two choices, not three--
victory over the armies of the oppressors
or death with dignity and honor for
the dominance of our religion and nation.
As for the oppressive powers
of the West and their minions,
the transgressors
who subjugated the faithful,
we will make sure they meet their demise.
Men of the nation, you're our hope.
You're the elite. Hasten to the jihad!
Hasten to the jihad!
Hasten to the jihad!
AIN AL ZAYTOUN PROVINCE
POPULATION 473
POPULATION 463
Allah grants success, Bandar.
If someone told me four months ago that
I'll be digging graves for the caliphate,
I would have said…
I know English.
You're surprised, aren't you?
I spent eight years in Boston--
two years in an English language center,
then I studied for six years
in a cancer research center.
Oh, gosh. Our efforts won't be in vain.
Anyway, at my graduation,
when the infidel dean held out
his right hand as if it was a dog's paw
to hand me my diploma, he said…
Trust me, dude. I felt my conscience
awaken then and there.
I realized I wasted eight years
of my youth chasing the wrong goal.
So I looked away from him,
slapped his hand and said…
Abu Qaaqaa, are you listening?
Look away, Abu Qaaqaa.
That's not for us.
It's for the caliph and his women.
Listen, Abu Qaaqaa, I have
an idea for a permitted distraction.
How about we race to see
who finishes digging the grave first?
Come on. One, two, three!
-What are you carrying?
-The caliph's women.
I got you, beautiful!
You're not hiding from me, are you?
I came looking through the night
for the lady with long hair and big eyes.
O grave digger, make the grave bigger.
I want to be buried with my beloved.
What a nice figure.
I want to ask you, how can a sweet thing
like you eat sweet ice cream?
I surprised you, didn't I?
Are you not with Daesh?
War is a scam, Bandar.
Listen to me carefully and let me explain.
Understand that you now have
three powers in conflict with each other--
Daesh, the Al-Nusra Front and America.
As for Daesh,
we killed their fucking caliph just now.
That leaves America
and the Al-Nusra Front.
If we remove America from the equation,
what does that leave?
The Al-Nusra Front.
God is the greatest!
I told you a million times!
Don't leave the house!
What did you need? We gave you everything.
You ruined our life!
You brought us illness.
Look how you ended up!
Enough! Lower your voice.
I'm not done with you. We'll talk at home.
They love you, but they don't know
how to express their love.
Who are you?
I am you in 40 years.
My father locked me up in a golden box
as if I were a commodity.
I have no experience in life,
and I understand nothing.
If you told me, "Have some water,"
I'd say, "Get the maid."
I am good at nothing.
And obviously you'll turn out like me,
like you heard-- an idiot and stupid.
Enough, darling.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Life isn't all dark.
There are some positives.
How about some ice cream?
Do you want to go get ice cream?
Yes, I want ice cream.
That's what I like to hear.
If I've learned anything
in the past 15 hours,
it's how to get ice cream.
Do you want to go? Say yes.
-Say yes. Come on.
-Yes.
-I'm scared, uncle.
-Don't be. Just hold on to me.
The trip is bumpy at the beginning,
but there's ice cream at the end.
Did somebody order
the local chocolate flavor?
MASAMEER COUNTY
Subtitle translation by: Muriel Daou
CHARACTERS AND EVENTS
ARE FICTIONAL
GREEDY BOOBOO
Once upon a time,
Booboo went with his mom to the park.
Booboo saw the other children
eating ice cream
and asked his mother to buy him some.
Booboo went with his mom
to the ice cream cart.
His mother bought him an ice cream cone
with one scoop of ice cream.
Booboo screamed and demanded more scoops.
Booboo's mom asked the ice cream man
to add more scoops.
But Booboo was still not happy
and asked for more.
After several more scoops,
Booboo got his big ice cream cone.
Booboo pranced in front of the other kids,
screaming at the top of his lungs…
And when Booboo
was about to taste his ice cream,
the ice cream fell on the ground.
Booboo started crying,
and people stared at him.
Then the wise owl said,
"Greed is never a good thing."
The end.
That's it? That's how it ends?
-Yes, sir.
-What's this boring story?
Are you serious?
Why didn't he eat the ice cream?
Is that what you two decided?
Who wrote this?
Who's in charge of this story?
Sir, the moral of the story
is the opposite of what you're saying.
Give me the book so I can teach you
the moral of the story.
In the end,
Booboo ate all of the ice cream.
All the kids around him were jealous
and started crying out of envy.
That's better. That's how the story ends.
Okay, sir. I'm off to my mother's house,
and I'll see you after Friday.
-Good night.
-Fuck off!
May you be hit by a disaster, dear.
MASAMEER COUNTY
Maneh. Maneh!
-Yes, sir.
-I want ice cream. Now.
What's up with you at this hour, man?
You ask for ice cream
while I'm here with the men?
Any man would ask for rice and meat.
Come on. Be quick, or I'll be angry.
I'm telling you to move it.
What's with this attitude--
He's useless. Gosh!
Why do I know the likes of him?
Disgusting.
Okay, it says,
"Press down on the brakes,
and, if it's a manual car, shift gears."
"Release your foot slowly"…
In your dreams, sucker!
Okay.
Where do we get ice cream from?
Where can I go?
Yes, there it is.
BITTER PENGUIN APPLIANCES
God bless you!
Do you believe it?
My mother called me this morning
and told me that she had a dream
of me swimming in the Nile.
And there you are
bringing me good fortune.
I've worked in this department
for over 25 years,
and never has a gentleman like yourself
bought all the freezers in the showroom
for cash.
-Would you like to see the washers?
-No. No need.
Let me open this freezer.
Of course. It's your freezer, sir.
It arrived yesterday.
-What's that?
-Excuse me, sir?
-Where's the ice cream?
-Ice cream?
Are you making fun of me?
Where is the ice cream?
Are you selling me empty freezers?
Fill it with whatever you like--
chicken, meat or ice cream.
I will punch you in the face.
Do I look like a fool to you?
Hands off, or else…
I'm going to the police.
If it weren't for them, I would show you
how I get what's mine!
Go on, you idiot!
Go back to Simpleton Island!
This is bullshit!
Oh, dear! Where will I find
another ice cream shop?
Hey, boy. Where do they sell ice cream
around here?
Vanilla or chocolate?
Chocolate.
Small or big?
The biggest you have.
Follow me.
MY LOVE
Somebody ordered local chocolate flavor?
No, go away.
Do you know what's better than chocolate?
Nothing is better than chocolate.
Chocolate with vanilla.
-What's up?
-This fool says he won't pay.
What?
-Why remove my pants for ice cream?
-Don't waste my time.
-What have my pants got to do with it?
-Pants off, money here.
I can end your life with one phone call.
-Stupid! I know the likes of you.
-Get away from me. I'll destroy you.
How many times have I told you
not to leave the house?
But I scored today, Dad.
The world is filled with bad people.
Do you want to get kidnapped
or cause distress to your mother?
Abu Bandar, that's enough!
Mom, we were playing
in front of the house.
You've plenty of toys.
Come, don't upset Mommy.
-What brings you here?
-I was looking for ice cream.
Ice cream?
Okay, what if I told you I knew a place…
with all kinds of delicious ice cream
and you can eat nonstop?
Chocolate flavor?
Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry,
everything.
Wanna go?
…our conscience against
this moral and intellectual invasion.
Today, we have two choices, not three--
victory over the armies of the oppressors
or death with dignity and honor for
the dominance of our religion and nation.
As for the oppressive powers
of the West and their minions,
the transgressors
who subjugated the faithful,
we will make sure they meet their demise.
Men of the nation, you're our hope.
You're the elite. Hasten to the jihad!
Hasten to the jihad!
Hasten to the jihad!
AIN AL ZAYTOUN PROVINCE
POPULATION 473
POPULATION 463
Allah grants success, Bandar.
If someone told me four months ago that
I'll be digging graves for the caliphate,
I would have said…
I know English.
You're surprised, aren't you?
I spent eight years in Boston--
two years in an English language center,
then I studied for six years
in a cancer research center.
Oh, gosh. Our efforts won't be in vain.
Anyway, at my graduation,
when the infidel dean held out
his right hand as if it was a dog's paw
to hand me my diploma, he said…
Trust me, dude. I felt my conscience
awaken then and there.
I realized I wasted eight years
of my youth chasing the wrong goal.
So I looked away from him,
slapped his hand and said…
Abu Qaaqaa, are you listening?
Look away, Abu Qaaqaa.
That's not for us.
It's for the caliph and his women.
Listen, Abu Qaaqaa, I have
an idea for a permitted distraction.
How about we race to see
who finishes digging the grave first?
Come on. One, two, three!
-What are you carrying?
-The caliph's women.
I got you, beautiful!
You're not hiding from me, are you?
I came looking through the night
for the lady with long hair and big eyes.
O grave digger, make the grave bigger.
I want to be buried with my beloved.
What a nice figure.
I want to ask you, how can a sweet thing
like you eat sweet ice cream?
I surprised you, didn't I?
Are you not with Daesh?
War is a scam, Bandar.
Listen to me carefully and let me explain.
Understand that you now have
three powers in conflict with each other--
Daesh, the Al-Nusra Front and America.
As for Daesh,
we killed their fucking caliph just now.
That leaves America
and the Al-Nusra Front.
If we remove America from the equation,
what does that leave?
The Al-Nusra Front.
God is the greatest!
I told you a million times!
Don't leave the house!
What did you need? We gave you everything.
You ruined our life!
You brought us illness.
Look how you ended up!
Enough! Lower your voice.
I'm not done with you. We'll talk at home.
They love you, but they don't know
how to express their love.
Who are you?
I am you in 40 years.
My father locked me up in a golden box
as if I were a commodity.
I have no experience in life,
and I understand nothing.
If you told me, "Have some water,"
I'd say, "Get the maid."
I am good at nothing.
And obviously you'll turn out like me,
like you heard-- an idiot and stupid.
Enough, darling.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Life isn't all dark.
There are some positives.
How about some ice cream?
Do you want to go get ice cream?
Yes, I want ice cream.
That's what I like to hear.
If I've learned anything
in the past 15 hours,
it's how to get ice cream.
Do you want to go? Say yes.
-Say yes. Come on.
-Yes.
-I'm scared, uncle.
-Don't be. Just hold on to me.
The trip is bumpy at the beginning,
but there's ice cream at the end.
Did somebody order
the local chocolate flavor?
MASAMEER COUNTY
Subtitle translation by: Muriel Daou