Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 7, Episode 24 - The Last Show - full transcript

The station's new owner, Frank Coleman, has been on a firing spree of late. When it comes to the 6 o'clock news, Lou tells him to watch the show for himself to make his own evaluation of specifically Ted. Ted believes that this directive marks the end of his stay at WJM, and begs that if he does get fired, the others will show solidarity and quit. But Ted still does whatever he feels he needs to to keep his job. Coleman, true to form, does make some drastic changes, with pink slip(s) handed out. Some unexpected competition occurs the result of Coleman's decision. But through it all, all the newsroom staff, but especially Mary, are most sad to see the break-up of what Mary considers her family.

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Yeah. Uh... Uh...

Listen, uh... Would you just
hold on for a minute, please?


Mary, Murray,
will you get in here.

Me too, Lou? Uh, in-in
just a few minutes, Ted.

Well, well...

Well, what is it, Lou?

[Exhales] I've got the
new owner on hold.

He's been firing
people right and left,

and now he wants
me to evaluate Ted.

- You want to take it, Mary?
- Not on your life.


Here goes.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm sorry I had to put you on
hold. I was pulling up my socks.

Um... Yeah.

Yeah, I know. You
want me to evaluate Ted.

Well, uh, I think you
can judge for yourself...

how good he is, uh, just
by looking at the show.

Uh-huh. Yeah, okay.



[Knocking] [Ted] Can
I come in now, Lou?


Hi, guys. [Both,
Glumly] Hi, Ted.

[Groaning] Oh!

[Whimpering] No. Now, now, Ted.

It's all right.

Then why did you say, "Hi, Ted"?

Sit down. What's
wrong? What's wrong?

Ted, uh,

the new owner wants to meet with
us all in his office tomorrow morning.

And I want to
prepare you a little.

I don't need any preparation,
Lou. Just... Just, uh, say,

"Ted, everything is
okay. Everything is okay."

Say it. Ted, I can't say that.

[Sobbing] He can't
say that! Oh, now, Ted.

He... Why can't he say it?

Because the owner's
been asking about you,

about how important
you are to the station.

What'd you tell him, Lou?

He told him to watch you do
the news and decide for himself.

Oh, my God!



I'm sorry, Ted, but I don't
know what I can do about it now.

Hey. I got it. I got it! It's the
simplest thing in the world.

When you go in to see Coleman,

you tell him, if I get
fired, you quit... all of you.

- Uh, well, gee, Ted. I...
- See? Mary's game.

Thanks a lot. God
love you, Mary.

How about you, Murray? You're
not gonna turn down your best friend.

Since when did I become
your best friend, Ted?

I don't know. But I never
told you this before, but...

I love you, Murray.

Okay, two votes for Ted.

What about you, big fella?

I hate these small offices.
There's no room to crawl.

The chips are down, Lou.
I'm calling in my I.O.U.'s.

You don't have any I.O.U.'s.

I've got a wife
and two kids, Lou.




Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry, but we can't wait for
Ted any longer. We have to start.

As you know, I have a big
decision to make today...

One that affects
our news program.

As much as I hate to do it,

I believe you gotta get rid of
anything that's pulling you down.

Hi, guys.

[Lou, Mary, Murray,
Glumly] Hi, Ted.

I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Coleman.

But I had a number of
personal errands to take care of,

and thought this would
be a good opportunity

to have you meet
some of my dependents.

[Chuckles] This is
my wife, Georgette.

How do you do?
[Georgette] How do you do?

This is my son,
David. Hello, David.

Hi. And that's his little
sister in there, Mary Lou.

And this is our dog.

- And what's his name?
- We call him WJM.

Georgette, isn't there something
you wanted to say? Ted, I really don't...

We've gone over it. You said if you really
loved a man, there are some things...

Okay, Ted. Okay.

[Clears Throat] I hope you
don't mind our coming along,

but we only have the one car.

And as soon as we leave
here, I have to go to the doctor,

take the baby to
the pediatrician,

David to the dentist
and the dog to the vet.

Bad back, bad cough,
bad teeth, bad dog.

Well, it's nice meeting you all,

but we still have some
business to discuss with Ted.

Oh, just a second.
Take the dog, David.

Now, as I was saying,

when the ratings are as bad as
they are on the Six O'Clock News,

you have to decide
where the problem is.

Is it in front of the camera
or behind the camera?

It's not exactly a science, but
I have to go with my instincts.

Ted, you're staying.

And the rest of you guys
I'm gonna have to let go.

[Murray] You're letting us go?

Do you know what the ratings
were when we first came here?

Now, just-just-just
a second, Coleman.

These people are my friends.

I've spent a lot of years with
them. They mean a lot to me.

Mean a lot more than any
job as an anchorman at WJM.

Ted, what's the point?
The point is this, Coleman.

If I were getting fired, these people
were ready to go down the line for me.

I think that's the
least I can do for them.

Either they stay,
or I'm quitting.

Ted, I wish you
would reconsider.

Okay, okay. I'll stay.

They just told me I was being let go
along with the rest of you. Is that true?

Yeah. It must be
a terrible feeling.

Being fired is
like being violated.

Leave it to Murray
to find a bright spot.

That was a terrific speech
you made up there, Ted.

You think so, Murray? Gee, I thought
you'd be mad 'cause I didn't quit too.

No, that's okay, Ted.

When a donkey flies, you don't
blame him for not staying up that long.

Thanks, Murray.

I know you're trying
to let me down easy.

Do you know what bothers me? Here you are,
the people I work with, my best friends,

you're all of you losing your
jobs, and I'm keeping mine and...

I don't feel that
bad. [Chuckles]

I wanna cry, I wanna
sob, but it just isn't in me.

You know what I'd
love to say to you all?

Don't worry about money.

Whatever you need,
I'll give it to you.

But I can't say it.

I'm not gonna give
you any money.

What's wrong with my emotions?

Is there nothing behind this
handsome facade except talent?

If I'm gonna find another job, I'd better
go out and collect some references.

I wonder where the 31st Army
Division is bivouacked these days.

Hey, Mar. How you doing?

You know what I'm
thinking, Murray?

I know this is gonna
sound silly if I say it.

Try us.

I'm not sure I was fired.

[Chuckles] No, Mr. Grant,
really. Think about it.

Mr. Coleman did
say very clearly,

"Ted is staying, and I'm afraid I'm
gonna have to let the rest of you guys go."

You see?

Now, I'm not a guy. No.

Well, I'm not. I'm not.

And I was just thinking,
you know, that...

maybe he was embarrassed to
tell me that I'm staying in front of you.

You know, I'm not even
sure I would stay anyway.

But I just think it
w-would be good...

to find out whether
he meant me or not.

He meant you, Mary.
Maybe he meant me.

- We don't know that.
- No "maybe," Mary.

Well, it's not gonna hurt to
double-check. No, go ahead. Go ahead.

Hello. Mr. Coleman, this is
Mary Richards in the newsroom.

I was just up in your
office with the guys.

And I was just wondering, Mr. Coleman,
when you were dismissing some of the staff,

did you intend to fire me too?

Especially me.

Well, I just... wanted to check.

I'm very sorry I troubled you...

You little runt.

[Doorbell Rings]

[Clears Throat]

Mr. Grant. Hi.

What are you doing here? Well, you
looked so sad when you left on Friday...

that I took some money out of
petty cash and I bought you a little gift.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

No little gift is
gonna cheer me up.

Don't be so sure. There
was 800 bucks in petty cash.


Now all I want you to
do is close your eyes,

and like, Tinker Bell, I'm
going to wave my little wand.

And when you open
your eyes, you are going

to see something which
will make you smile.

But, Mr. Grant... Nah. Now,
now, go... Just go ahead.

Eyes closed.

Slowly count to 10.

One, two, three,
four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine...

[Quietly] Get over... 10.

[Door Opens, Closes]


Oh, gee!

Rhoda! Phyllis!


Oh, I can't believe
it! [Laughing]

[Rhoda] Surprise! [Gasps]

Well, great seeing you
again, kid. We gotta go.

[Laughs] Phyllis!
Phyllis, I was joking.

[Mary] You!

I'd forgotten Rhoda's
sense of humor.


- Oh, it's just so wonderful
to see you two again.
- I know.

I hope you can spend some time.
I mean, I'll have plenty of time. I...

- I don't have a job
as of Monday.
- Oh, we know.

Lou told us when he called. Yeah. It's
obviously a case of sexual discrimination.

Ah. No, no, Phyl.
They fired the guys too.

Oh, Mary, you little goose!

That was just to
cover their tracks.

So, Mary, how's it going with you?
I mean, how are you doing? Well...

You know what I
mean? Rhoda, I...

Isn't that typical
of you, Rhoda?

We spent all that time riding
in from the airport together,

and you didn't ask
how things are with me.

And here you are with
Mary for two seconds...

All right.

And you find out how
everything is. All right, Phyllis.

Phyllis, forgive me, please. I'm
so sorry. How are things with you?

Eh. How's Bess?
How's good old Lars?

Old Lars is dead, Rhoda.
Same old Lars. [Chuckles]


No. I mean he
really passed away.

- What?
- [Clicks Tongue]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm
so sorry, Phyllis. I didn't know.

Mary, why didn't you tell me? I
thought surely Phyllis had told you.

Phyllis, why didn't you tell me?

I was afraid you might
wanna come to the funeral.

Wonderful being
with you again, Phyllis.

So how's Joe? Oh, well,

Joe and I have split up.

- I thought you'd heard.
- I had.

You know, Phyllis...
Hey, guys. Listen.

I just can't thank you enough
for coming all this way. Aw.

But look, it's not a
disaster, you know.

I mean, a lot of
people lose their jobs.

Right. Mary, you know what
I think's a good idea? Listen.

What? Come to
New York for a while.

Really. You could stay
with me. What fun, huh?

You wouldn't have any expenses, and there's
lots of job opportunities in New York.

I don't know why she can't
stay with me in San Francisco.

I mean, why don't I get to
pick up the pieces? All right.

San Francisco's lovely this... All
right, Phyllis, we will compromise.

Mary will stay in
Minneapolis. [Chuckles]

Hey, listen.

Guys, don't worry about things
like that. It's gonna be okay.

And we're gonna
have a terrific time.

What do you wanna do?

I want you to stop that.
Would you please stop that?

Mary, we didn't come a collective 3,000
miles to watch you keep a stiff upper lip.

Right. Not to watch
you keep a stiff upper lip.

Go ahead. Feel bad if you want.

Feel bad if you want.

Mary, I mean, look. You're
the one that was fired, right?

And here you are
trying to entertain us.

Now, look, we're here
for you. We are, Mar.

If you feel good, feel
good. But if you feel sad...

Come on. Just let it go.

[Voice Quavering] Oh, Rhoda.

I know, sweetheart. Aw.


[Stifled Sobbing]

[Gulping, Crying]

What do you got, Murray? I want us to
go out with the best show we've ever done.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

What's the news matter anyway?

It's our last day together.

Yeah. Our last day.

Now... Now, you just
hold on there, you two.

I don't wanna see anybody
moping around here.

Yeah, I get your point, Lou.
Why make it worse than it is?

Exactly. Exactly. All right,
all right. I will act happy.

If you'll just let me say this one
thing that I thought about last night...

that I wanna say to all of
you, and it's really very simple.


Please. I want happy.

Hi, job seekers.

Not that happy.

I've found a job.

Oh, that's terrific,
Sue Ann. Doing what?

Well, it's hard to explain.

There's this elderly gentleman who's
taking a cruise to the Mediterranean,

and I'll be traveling with him
as sort of a... practical nurse.

Well, that oughta be a nice
change for you, Sue Ann...

Cruising at sea.

Ah, Murray. Oh, I can't tell you
how sad I am that we're parting.

We'll miss the chance
to grow old together.

I'll never see your
scalp turn to silver.

Mr. Grant, I know you
don't wanna hear this,

but I don't think I can
keep it in any longer.

So I just wanna say... Not
now, Mary. The news is on.

Causing the out-of-control truck to crash
through the wall of Mrs. Ray's bedroom.

Fortunately, the 93-year-old Mrs.
Ray was not at home at the time,

having died the night before.

Now, uh, a personal note.

Due to some very good opportunities
that have opened up elsewhere,

news director, Lou Grant,
news producer, Mary Richards,

news writer, Murray Slaughter,

and news hand Sue Ann Nivens are
going to leave after tonight's program...

to begin exciting new
ventures in broadcasting.

Last night, as I lay
awake in my bed,

I wondered, how do I
tell these dear friends

and colleagues how
I feel about them?

How, I wondered, do
you speak from here...

instead of... here.

Well, I finally got
an idea up here.

Finally, the words came to
me. I put them down on paper,

and I put them in here.

I think I'm gonna
be sick... here.

I think what I was feeling...

was best expressed in the
lyrics of that wonderful old song.

"It's a long way to Tipperary.

It's a long way to go."

This is Ted Baxter saying
good night and good news.

♪♪ [ News Theme]
Tipperary? [Laughs]

You know, I'm never gonna
forget what Ted said tonight,

but I'm sure as hell gonna try.

Hey, guys. Wasn't that
a great send-off? Yeah.

Ted, you couldn't have said anything that
would make us feel better about leaving.

You know something, Mr. Grant?

Now that it's over, I don't feel
as bad as I thought I was going to.

In fact, I feel pretty
good. I really do.

And I owe it all to
you. Thanks. [Backslap]

What's the matter? You
got ice water in your veins?

Don't you realize
this is the last time...

we'll all see this room?

Of course I
realize it, Mr. Grant.

I don't really feel good.

That's why I wanted to say
to you... Mary, you promised.

Mr. Grant, why won't you
let me say what I wanna say?

Because you'll just make a big deal out
of it. That's why. And I don't want that.

But, uh,

don't, uh, let me
spoil your evening.


Let's make this simple.

And, uh, in case I
don't see you again,

I'd just like to say,

[Softly] so long.

Mr. Grant.

Oh, it's... it's nothing.

Uh... [Clears Throat]

I was... I was thinking of that truck
going through that old lady's wall.

Mr. Grant.


I treasure you people.



I think we all need
some Kleenex.

[Georgette] There's
some on Mary's desk.

Mr. Grant? Uh-huh.

Could I say what I wanted
to say now? Uh-huh.

Please? Okay. Okay, Mary.

Well, I just wanted
you to know...

that sometimes I get concerned
about being a career woman.

I get to thinking my job
is too important to me.

And I tell myself...

that the people I work with
are just the people I work with...

and not my family.

And last night, I thought,

what is a family anyway?

They're just people
who make you feel...

less alone... and really loved.

And that's what
you've done for me.

Thank you for being my family.


Now for the hard part.

How do we leave this room?


That... That's not so hard.

Remember what Ted said?

What is that, Lou?

♪ It's a long way ♪

♪ To Tipperary ♪

♪ It's a long way to go ♪

♪ It's a long way ♪

♪ To Tipperary ♪

♪ To the sweetest girl I know ♪

♪ Good-bye to Piccadilly ♪

♪ Farewell Leicester Square ♪

♪ It's a long, long
way to Tipperary ♪

♪ And my heart's right there ♪

♪ It's a long way to Tipperary ♪

♪ It's a long way to go ♪

♪ It's a long way to Tipperary ♪

♪ To the sweetest girl I know ♪

♪ Good-bye to Piccadilly ♪

♪ Farewell Leicester Square ♪

♪ It's a long, long
way to Tipperary ♪

♪ And my heart's right there ♪♪