Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 4, Episode 17 - Cottage for Sale - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

[Phone Ringing]

HELLO?



OH, IT'S YOU AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN TO
ME, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

I HAVE HEARD ALL
THOSE WORDS BEFORE.

MY FATHER IS A DOCTOR.

SO YOU SEE, YOU DON'T
SHOCK OR PROVOKE...

ANY OF THE RESPONSES
THAT YOU'RE AFTER.

YES. YES, I'VE HEARD
THAT ONE TOO. MM-HMM.

WELL, NO, I HADN'T
HEARD THAT ONE.

LOOK, IF YOU DON'T STOP
CALLING ME EVERY FIVE MINUTES,

I AM GONNA HAVE TO
PHONE THE POLICE.

WAS THAT MY MOTHER?

IT WAS A STUPID
OBSCENE PHONE CALLER.

MAKES ME SO FURIOUS.

MARY, MARY, MARY, MARY.



RHODA. HI, PHYLLIS.

MARY, AT LAST I CAN
TELL YOU. TELL ME WHAT?

WELL, IT'S SO HARD TO
PUT THIS INTO WORDS.

MARY, I'VE BEEN
STUDYING REAL ESTATE,

AND TODAY I GOT MY LICENSE.

THEN WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING IT ON
A LITTLE COLLAR AROUND YOUR NECK?

YES, MARY, I AM NOW ACTUALLY...

AN OFFICIAL LICENSED REAL
ESTATE AGENT... ACTUALLY.

WOULD YOU LOOKIT
THERE. THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS.

"LICENSED REAL ESTATE
AGENT." LOOKIT THERE, RHODA.

"PHYLLIS LINDSTROM."
OH, YEAH. SEE THAT.

SPELLED CORRECTLY AND
EVERYTHING. HEY, THAT'S GREAT.

WELL, I MUST SAY, JUST
INCIDENTALLY, MARY,

YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE
ACTING VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT.

OH, BUT PHYL, I AM
EXCITED. REALLY.

WELL, MAYBE NOT
EXCITED. MAYBE... BORED.

THERE IS SOMETHING
I MUST SAY NOW.

BUT I CAN'T. I-I JUST
CAN'T. DON'T ASK ME.

OKAY.

THEY TELL YOU AT
REAL ESTATE SCHOOL...

THAT YOU SHOULD USE
YOUR FRIENDS AS CONTACTS,

BUT I CAN'T DO
THAT SORT OF THING.

I CAN'T USE PEOPLE, MARY.

GOOD. OH, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

- ALTHOUGH...
- I THINK THE OTHER SHOE IS ABOUT TO DROP.

IT WOULDN'T BE ACTUALLY USING...

NOT IN THE STRICT
SENSE OF THE WORD.

IT WOULD BE MORE LIKE
HELPING EACH OTHER...

TRULY REALIZING THE MEANING
OF THE WORD "FRIENDSHIP."

BUT NO MATTER.
I-I CAN'T DO THAT.

NO. NOPE. IMPOSSIBLE.
OUT OF THE QUESTION.

NOPE. NEGATIVE. NEIN. NYET.

BUT THEN AGAIN...
WAITER? CHECK, PLEASE.

MARY, I'M GOING TO DO
IT. I'M GOING TO COME...

TO YOUR NEWSROOM TOMORROW,
AND I'M GONNA POUNCE ON EVERYBODY.

PHYLLIS, PLEASE, I'M
ASKING YOU. DON'T POUNCE.

BUT, MARY, I THINK I SHOULD
AT LEAST TALK TO LOU.

THAT POOR MAN MUST
BE AT LOOSE ENDS,

RATTLING AROUND THAT
GREAT BIG HOUSE ALL ALONE.

YOU DID SAY HIS DEAR,
SWEET MARRIAGE BOMBED OUT?

PHYLLIS! I DID NOT
SAY IT BOMBED OUT.

AND I AM AFRAID, PHYLLIS,
THAT I CANNOT ALLOW YOU...

TO COME TO MY NEWSROOM AND TRY
TO SELL EVERYONE I WORK WITH A HOUSE.

ARE YOU SAYING NO TO ME?

NO, NEGATIVE, NEIN, NYET.

WELL, WE'LL TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER.

[Phone Rings] I'LL GET IT.

YOU JUST FINISH
YOUR SALAD. HELLO?

PARDON ME?

THIS IS A STRANGE PERSON, MARY.

HIM AGAIN. PHYLLIS,
JUST HANG UP.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

COULD I ASK YOU A
PERSONAL QUESTION?

DO YOU OWN YOUR OWN
HOME, OR DO YOU RENT?

GOOD MORNING. MORNING.

OH, BAD NEWS, LOU. THE
NEWSROOM WAS ROBBED LAST NIGHT.

AW, THAT'S ALL WE NEED.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHAT KIND OF
PEOPLE STEAL THINGS FROM OTHER PEOPLE?

BURGLARS, MARY.

TOO BAD THEY WEREN'T KIDNAPPERS.

SOMETHING'S
WRONG. I CAN SENSE IT.

THE TELEVISION MONITOR IS GONE.

ALL THE ELECTRIC
TYPEWRITERS ARE GONE.

IT'S THE ENERGY
CRISIS, ISN'T IT?

WELL, I KNOW I DO MY PART.

YESTERDAY I TOOK TWO BULBS
OUT OF MY MAKEUP MIRROR.

TED, THE NEWSROOM
WAS ROBBED LAST NIGHT.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

WAIT A MINUTE. WE'RE
INSURED, AREN'T WE?

THERE'S A FORM.
THERE'S GOTTA BE A FORM.

YOU'LL NEED INSURANCE
FORM, UH, A-107.

WELL, LET'S SEE. [Clears Throat]

THERE'S MY NEW DIAMOND
WRISTWATCH FOR $300...

WHICH YOU NEVER SAW.

AND THE ORIGINAL OIL
PAINTING SIGNED BY PICASSO.

I PAID, UH... LET'S SAY $90.

OH, YES, ALL THOSE
CHRISTMAS GIFTS...

I BOUGHT FOR ALL YOU
GUYS FOR NEXT YEAR.

I WAS HIDING THEM. YOU KNOW ME.

AND, UH,

A POWER MOWER I
WAS GONNA TAKE HOME.

TED, UH, I CHECKED
YOUR DRESSING ROOM,

AND ALL THOSE THINGS ARE THERE.

POWER MOWER'S THERE? YEAH.

WRIST WATCH THING, DIAMOND,
AND THE... THE PICASSO.

ALL RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT 'EM.

[Chuckles]

POWER MOWER?

[Chuckling]

WELL. WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT DID THEY TAKE? NOTHING.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE. EVERYONE
IN THE BUILDING WAS HIT.

I WONDER WHY THEY
LEFT YOU ALONE.

WELL, I FIGURE, UH... SKIP IT.

WHAT? NO, IT'S, UH...

NO. MR. GRANT, WHAT IS IT? SAY.

MAYBE THEY SAW MY...

HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL
PICTURE, AND, UH,

MY BOWLING TROPHY AND THEY...

I FIGURE THE BURGLARS LIKED ME.

HI, HI. HI, MARY. HI, LOU.

OH, HELLO, PHYLLIS. HI, PHYL.

LOU, I'VE GOT A NEW HAT. OH.

AND WHENEVER I GET A NEW HAT,

I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE HAVING AN
ATTRACTIVE MAN TAKE ME TO LUNCH.

WANNA COMPLETE THE PICTURE?

WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT A HAT?

PHYLLIS IS ASKING YOU TO LUNCH.

WHY? OKAY, LOU.

OH, I HATE DOING THIS SO
FLAT OUT AND UNGRACEFULLY,

BUT, LOU, I'M GONNA
SELL YOUR HOUSE.

SELL MY HOUSE?

OH, I HATED DOING IT SO
FLAT OUT AND UNGRACEFULLY,

BUT, LOU, YOU SEE, I'M A
LICENSED REAL ESTATE AGENT NOW,

AND I KNOW HOW TRAGICALLY
ALONE YOU MUST BE...

NOW THAT YOUR WIFE...
LET'S FACE IT... FLEW THE COOP.

PHYLLIS! MARY, PLEASE.

LOU'S THE SORT OF GUY WHO
APPRECIATES REFRESHING HONESTY.

SO ANYWHO, HOW ABOUT
IT? LUNCH TODAY, LOU?

THANK YOU, NO, PHYLLIS.

OKAY, LOU, FORGET
LUNCH. LET'S TALK HOUSE.

I CAN GET YOU $50,000.

COME ON. YOU
CAN'T GET ME $50,000.

LOU, LOOK INTO MY EYES.

FIFTY THOUSAND SMACKERS.

FIFTY THOUSAND?

SMACKERS.

THINK ABOUT IT, LOU.

FIFTY THOUSAND... BIG ONES.

[Knocking] [Phyllis] MARY!

HI. HI.

I CAME TO DROP MY SIGNS OFF.

WELL, WELL,
PHYLLIS. LOOK AT YOU.

AND MARY, YOU SAID SHE WOULDN'T
KNOW WHAT TO WEAR FOR SELLING HOUSES.

I'M HAVING A DINNER
PARTY TONIGHT,

AND MARY SAID I COULD
DUMP MY STUFF HERE, RHODA.

OH, LOOK, RHODA.
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.

[Chuckling]

OH, CUTE. FABULOUS,
PHYLLIS, REALLY. MARY, LOOK...

HOW SHE WORKED IT INTO THE
CONVERSATION WITH NO WORDS.

A SIGN SHE HAD.

OH, MARY.

I HOPE I CAN SELL SOMEBODY
AT MY PARTY TONIGHT.

SOMEBODY OUGHT TO BE
INTERESTED IN SOMETHING.

OH, I'M SURE
SOMEBODY WILL, PHYL.

ARE YOU SURE, MARY? SURE.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING
THAT, AREN'T YOU, MARY?

WELL, AREN'T YOU? WELL,
ACTUALLY, PHYL, I'M NOT SURE...

SOMEBODY WILL BE INTERESTED,
BUT I CERTAINLY HOPE THEY WILL BE.

SURE, YOU HOPE,
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW.

HOPE... THAT WON'T DO ME ANY
GOOD. HOPE... PHYL, WILL YA...

OH, WHAT'S WRONG?
WHY CAN'T I SELL ANYBODY?

GOOD LORD, DOESN'T CHARM
COUNT FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE?

[Door Buzzing]

MR. GRANT. HI, MARY.

HI. COME ON IN. UH, HI, PHYLLIS.

HELLO, LOU. HI, LOU. HI, RHODA.

WELL, PHYLLIS, I
THOUGHT ABOUT IT...

AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT...

WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER
TODAY AT THE OFFICE...

AND I FIGURED $50,000 AND A
HOUSE THAT'S TOO BIG FOR ME.

AND I TALKED IT OVER WITH
A FEW FRIENDS OF MINE,

SO I'M GONNA DO IT,

SINCE EVERYBODY SAYS I SHOULD.

DON'T KID ME, LOU.

- IT'D BE CRUEL TO KID ME.
- I'M NOT KIDDIN'.

LOU! YOU'LL SELL!

MARY, HE'LL SELL!

EVEN RHODA.

HE'LL SELL!

OH, I MUST EXPERIENCE
THIS MOMENT.

I CAN ADMIT IT NOW.

OH, FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT
IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

I THOUGHT NOBODY WOULD
EVER WANT TO SPEND MONEY...

FOR ANYTHING I EVER DID.

CALL ME CRAZY PHYLLIS.

CRAZY PHYLLIS.

I TRIED WRITING, BUT
NOBODY WANTED IT,

SO I LAUGHED... IN
THAT WAY I HAVE...

AND SAID, "OKAY, SO
YOU AIN'T A WRITER."

AND THEN I TRIED SCULPTING,

AND NOBODY WANTED IT.

SO I TOSSED MY HEAD
BACK AND LAUGHED...

IN THAT WAY I HAVE...

AND-AND I SAID, "OKAY, SO YOU
DON'T HAVE ANY SCULPTING TALENT."

YOU AIN'T A SCULPTOR.

AND NOW I SUDDENLY SEE
WHAT I WAS BORN TO DO...

TO SELL REAL ESTATE.

TO SELL... MR. GRANT,
WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

AND SELL AND SELL... NO,
THANKS. I'LL GET IT MYSELF.

AND SELL AND KEEP
ON SELLING TILL I DROP.

AND NOW... RIGHT THIS MOMENT...

IS MY VERY FIRST,
MY VIRGIN, SALE.

[Sobbing]

YEAH, WELL, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY.

HI, HI. DID I GIVE YOU MY CARD?

TAKE IT. THINK ABOUT IT.
CALL ME LATER. WE'LL TALK.

IS LOU FREE, MARY?
NO, HE'S NOT IN.

OH. MURRAY, DID I
GIVE YOU MY CARD?

"PHYLLIS LINDSTROM,
REAL ESTATE."

MY CARD. OH!

"MURRAY SLAUGHTER,
NOT INTERESTED."

WELL, MURRAY.

I WONDER JUST HOW
LONG YOU TOOK...

THINKING OF HOW TO
EMBARRASS ME THIS WAY.

WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING,
PHYLLIS. I WAS JUST KIDDING.

I'M JUST CURIOUS... JUST
INTELLECTUALLY CURIOUS...

ABOUT PEOPLE WHO GO OUT OF
THEIR WAY TO EMBARRASS PEOPLE.

WELL, I WAS ONLY
KIDDING, PHYLLIS, REALLY.

I FEEL AWFUL ABOUT THIS.

WELL, I'M FORGETTING THE WHOLE
UGLY EPISODE EVER HAPPENED.

I FORGIVE YOU.

TED'S DRESSING ROOM
IS IN THE STUDIO, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, RIGHT IN THE
FRONT. YOU CAN'T MISS IT...

ALTHOUGH TED OFTEN DOES.

MARY, IF WE DON'T
FINISH THIS NEW BUDGET,

WE'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO WORK
AT HOME OVER THE WEEKEND ON IT.

WOULD YOU MIND WORKING
SATURDAY MORNING?

NO, I DON'T MIND,
MR. GRANT. WELL, WHY DON'T

YOU COME OVER TOMORROW
MORNING AROUND 9:00?

OH, WELL, I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT.

OH. OKAY, MAKE IT 9:30.

I GUESS A HALF HOUR
ISN'T GONNA HELP, IS IT?

- NO, NOT A LOT.
- [Chuckles] KEEP IT AT 9:00.

THERE YOU ARE, LOU. I FINALLY HAVE
SOME PROSPECTS FOR THE HOUSE.

- WHERE WILL YOU BE
TOMORROW MORNING?
- I'LL PROBABLY BE HOME WORKING.

WELL, GOOD. I'LL SEE YOU THEN. YEAH?
YOU KNOW, WHEN I BOUGHT THAT HOUSE,

I PAID $18,000 FOR IT, AND
NOW IT'S WORTH 50,000.

QUIT DREAMING, LOU.
YOU'LL NEVER GET 50 FOR IT.

[Doorbell Rings]

HI. GOOD MORNING.

I FIGURED WE WOULDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
TO GO OUT, SO I BROUGHT YOU BREAKFAST.

DON'T NEED IT.

WHAT'S THAT? WHERE
DID YOU GET THAT?

I MADE IT. WHAT IS IT?

WELL, I FIGURE YOU MADE
ME DINNER SO MANY TIMES...

I FIGURED, UH...
HEY, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

COME ON. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?

YOU MADE ME SCRAMBLED... OMELET.

YOU SEE, WHAT MAKES IT AN
OMELET INSTEAD OF JUST EGGS...

IS THE LITTLE PIECES OF
ONION AND GREEN PEPPER.

WHY... WHY DIDN'T YOU
THINK IT WAS AN OMELET?

HUH? WHY? 'CAUSE
I DIDN'T FOLD IT?

CALL IT AN UNFOLDED OMELET.

I MEAN, I JUST CAN'T PICTURE IT.

OH, I WISH I COULD
HAVE BEEN THERE...

SEEING YOU AT THE
TABLE WITH THE KNIFE,

CUTTING UP THE GREEN PEPPER
AND THE ONION INTO LITTLE PIECES.

- LITTLE GREEN PEPPER,
LITTLE GREEN ONION.
- ALL RIGHT, MARY.

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T EVEN GET
COFFEE FOR YOURSELF AT THE OFFICE,

AND YOU MADE ME A
SCRAMBLED OMELET.

OKAY, MARY. ENOUGH EGG TALK.

AREN'T YOU GONNA
TRY IT? YES. YES, YES.

THERE'S SOMETHING
IN THESE EGGS...

BESIDES GREEN PEPPER
AND ONION, ISN'T THERE?

BEER.

[Mouthing Words]

IT IS, I GUESS. [Doorbell rings]

COME IN.

TED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, YOU'RE MOVING, AND
I NEVER SAW YOUR HOUSE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN IT, AND I WAS
WONDERING WHAT THE BIG SECRET WAS.

THIS IS THE BIG SECRET?
IT'S NOT SO HOT, LOU.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS HOT
AS I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.

TED, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA
BE COMING THROUGH HERE TODAY,

THINKING ABOUT
BUYING THIS HOUSE,

AND I DON'T CONSIDER
YOU AS A SELLING POINT.

MAYBE I'M ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO MIGHT
BE INTERESTED IN BUYING A LITTLE HOMESTEAD.

OH, TED, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BUY A HOUSE.

YOU LEASE YOUR SHOES.

MAYBE I'M LOOKING FOR A
PLACE FOR MY MOTHER, LOU...

MY SMALL, ELDERLY,
GRAY-HAIRED...

WELL, SHE DYES IT RED,

BUT UNDERNEATH IT'S
GRAY-HAIRED... MOTHER.

RIGHT NOW SHE'S BLOWING HER
WHOLE SOCIAL SECURITY CHECK...

ON A CRUMMY LITTLE APARTMENT.

I FIGURE WITH A LITTLE MORE SHE
COULD RENT THIS PLACE FROM ME.

THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THESE EGGS.

THERE'S GREEN
STUFF ALL OVER THEM.

OH, WELL.

HI, HI. I'D LIKE YOU TO
MEET MY YOUNG CLIENTS...

RENA AND DAVID RUSSELL,
HERE'S THE OWNER...

OF THIS LITTLE
CHARMER, LOU GRANT.

HELLO. HI.

AND THIS IS HIS ASSOCIATE,
MARY RICHARDS. HELLO.

- OH, AND THIS IS...
- NO, DON'T TELL ME. I KNOW YOU.

YOU'RE, UH, ERIC
SEVAREID, AREN'T YOU?

YES, I AM.

WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU ALL.

EXCUSE ME.

WELL, THIS IS A NICE PLACE.

YOU KNOW, IT HAS A
NICE FEEL ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,
RENA? I THINK IT'S GREAT.

I THOUGHT SO THE OTHER
DAY WHEN WE SAW IT.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS WHAT
YOU THINK. I LIKE IT. REALLY.

EXCUSE US. YOU'D LIKE
TO SEE THE HOUSE AGAIN.

I JUST WANT TO SHOW
YOU THE KITCHEN.

REMEMBER THE PATIO OUT HERE?
MR. GRANT MADE THAT WITH HIS OWN HANDS.

I HATE HAVING
PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE.

I WAS JUST LEAVING, LOU.

NO, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU.

- WHAT'S IN THESE EGGS ANYWAY?
- BEER.

YEAH, I KNOW THAT, BUT WHAT
ARE THESE GREEN THINGS?

I THINK THEY'RE GONNA BUY.

DO YOU REALIZE... A
THOUSAND-DOLLAR COMMISSION.

OH, WHAT'LL I GET WITH IT?

MRS. LINDSTROM, EXCUSE ME.

WHAT WAS THE PRICE
AGAIN? UH, FORTY-TWO FIVE.

FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. I
WON'T SELL IT FOR A PENNY UNDER 50.

NOBODY'LL EVER PAY 50 FOR IT,
LOU. WE'D BE WILLING TO PAY THAT.

OF COURSE. WHO
WOULDN'T? IT'S A STEAL.

WELL, WE'LL GET OUT
OF YOUR WAY NOW.

THANK YOU, SIR. IT WAS NICE
TO MEET YOU. YEAH, SAME HERE.

AND IT WAS A
PLEASURE, MR. SEVAREID.

OH, HEY, DON'T KEEP
CALLING ME MR. SEVAREID.

CALL ME ERIC.

WELL, LET'S GO DOWN TO THE
OFFICE AND SIGN THE PAPERS.

THANKS FOR A
LOVELY SATURDAY, LOU.

HEY, WE MUST MAKE A TRADITION OF
THIS. YOU KNOW, DO IT EVERY WEEKEND.

JELLY DOUGHNUTS AND GREEN EGGS.

MR. GRANT, DO YOU FEEL BAD
THAT YOU SOLD THE HOUSE?

YOU GOT A GOOD PRICE.

YEAH.

WELL, YOU FEEL LIKE GETTING
SOME WORK DONE HERE?

I DON'T FEEL LIKE WORKING, MARY.

WELL, THEN, MAYBE I'LL
JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE TO...

I DON'T FEEL LIKE
BEING ALONE, MARY.

OH, MR. GRANT, I HAVE AN IDEA OF
WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, AND...

I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING. OKAY.

MR. GRANT, DON'T YOU THINK...

YOU OUGHT TO THROW SOME OF THIS
STUFF AWAY BEFORE YOU PACK IT UP?

I WANT EVERYTHING.
IT'S ALL MINE. I WANT IT.

[Clanks] HEY, WATCH IT.

A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL
THERE, HUH? RIGHT.

SEE THE MARKS ON THIS WALL?

THOSE ARE THE HEIGHTS OF
MY CHILDREN AT VARIOUS AGES.

RUTHIE, JANEY, SARAH.

MR. GRANT, WHEN WAS
ANYBODY EVER THAT HIGH?

THAT WAS LITTLE SARAH. SHE
WAS TOO YOUNG TO STAND UP.

HEY, JUST HOW BADLY DO
YOU FEEL ABOUT LEAVING HERE?

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
FEEL, UH, PRETTY BAD.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU ASKED ME, MARY.

I'VE BEEN DROPPING LITTLE HINTS,

WAITING FOR YOU TO DRAW ME OUT
TO FIND OUT HOW MISERABLE I AM...

ABOUT ALL THIS. WELL, WHY
DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME THEN...

WHAT'S BOTHERING
YOU, INSTEAD OF TRYING...

TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY THAT I
DIDN'T ASK YOU TWO MINUTES EARLIER.

OH, WONDERFUL, MARY. THIS IS
THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE,

AND YOU'RE GONNA PICK ON ME.

WELL, WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL
LIKE I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG?

OH, SURE, YOU HAVEN'T
DONE ANYTHING WRONG. MMM.

PHYLLIS IS MY FRIEND, RIGHT?

OH, I SEE. SO YOU'RE YELLING AT ME
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH PHYLLIS.

- I CAN DEAL WITH ANYBODY.
- HI, HI.

EXCEPT HER.

OH, ISN'T THIS EXCITING? LOU!

WHY THE LONG FACE?

OH, LOU. COME ON.

I WANT YOU TO GIVE
ME A LITTLE SMILE.

COME ON. [Chuckles]

JUST A LITTLE UP AT THE EDGES?

THAT'S RIGHT. OH, LOU.

AW. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
ONCE YOU'RE OUT OF HERE...

ON ACCOUNT OF THE MEMORIES.

I LIKE THE MEMORIES.

SEE THAT OVER THERE?

THAT'S WHERE WE KEPT THE
CHRISTMAS TREE, YEAR AFTER YEAR.

SEE OVER THERE?

THAT'S WHERE MY
DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED.

SHE WAS ABLE TO
GET MARRIED HERE...

BECAUSE IT WAS JUNE AND WE
DIDN'T HAVE THE CHRISTMAS TREE HERE.

SEE OVER THERE? THAT STAIN?

AW. LITTLE SARAH?

NO, THE MOVERS DID IT.

THEY DON'T CARE.

THEY MARCH THROUGH YOUR
HOUSE IN THEIR WHITE UNIFORMS.

THEY DUMP YOUR FURNITURE ON
THEIR TRUCK, HAUL IT TO THE NEXT PLACE.

DUMP YOUR FURNITURE
OFF THE TRUCK.

THEY DON'T CARE.

THERE'S A LIFE IN THIS HOUSE.

MY LIFE IS IN THIS HOUSE.

I LIKE THIS HOUSE.

AW.

I NEVER KNEW YOU
FELT LIKE THIS, LOU.

NOW I NEED YOU TO
SIGN THESE PAPERS, LOU.

- MR. GRANT,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.
- MARY.

WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

IF YOU'RE HAPPY HERE,
YOU SHOULD STAY HERE.

THEY'RE MOVING MY STUFF.

THE MONEY'S IN ESCROW.
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT
YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE.

FORGET ABOUT THE MOVERS.
FORGET ABOUT EVERYBODY.

WELL, I'M SORRY, PHYLLIS, BUT
THIS IS A LOT MORE IMPORTANT.

MARY, IT'S NICE OF YOU,

AND I'M SURE LOU WOULD
WANT TO STAND HERE...

AND LISTEN TO YOU ALL DAY LONG,

BUT RIGHT NOW HE HAS
THESE PAPERS TO SIGN.

COME ON, LOU. YOU COME
AND SIGN THESE PAPERS.

HERE.

I HAVE TO GO THROUGH
WITH THIS. I PROMISED.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
- I DON'T?

NO.

I... I REALLY DON'T, DO I?

I REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO IT.

I DON'T NEED THE MONEY THAT BAD.

SURE, THINGS ARE A LITTLE TIGHT
RIGHT NOW, BUT I'LL MAKE OUT ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T HAVE TO DO
ANYTHING, RIGHT?

HUH? HUH? YES.

HEY, STOP. PUT IT DOWN.

WHAT? PUT IT DOWN.
I'M MOVING BACK.

MOVING BACK? YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO
THAT. COME ON. COME ON.

- I NEVER MOVED A GUY BACK.
- YEAH? WELL, JUST DO IT.

WHAT... WHAT... WHAT... HOW MUCH
DO I CHARGE FOR TRAVEL TIME?

I'M ALREADY HERE. JUST DO IT.

ALL RIGHT.

I GOT MY HOUSE BACK.

LISTEN. I WANT YOU TO
GIVE ME A LITTLE SMILE.

COME ON.

JUST A LITTLE AT
THE EDGES. COME ON.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, THE OLD PLACE IS
STARTING TO SHAPE UP AGAIN.

WE SHOULD HAVE IT BACK
TOGETHER IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.

UH-HUH. OH, LOU?

I JUST SPOKE TO THE TWO KIDS WHO
ALMOST BOUGHT YOUR HOUSE. UH-HUH?

AND I FOUND THE MOST
WONDERFUL PLACE FOR THEM.

- NOW, LOU.
- YES, PHYLLIS?

I'LL NEVER PRESS THE POINT,

BUT JUST AS A MATTER
OF INFORMATION...

JUST IF YOU'RE EVER ON A QUIZ
SHOW AND SOMEBODY ASKS YOU...

"WHAT HAPPENS IF PEOPLE BACK
OUT OF SELLING THEIR HOUSE?

DO THEY STILL OWE THE
COMMISSION TO THE AGENT?"

WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW
IT, LOU, THE ANSWER IS YES.

- OH.
- IT'S YES, LOU, BUT I'LL
NEVER PRESS THE POINT.

WELL, THAT'S REALLY VERY
DECENT OF YOU, PHYLLIS. YEAH.

OF COURSE, MY ATTORNEY
MIGHT NOT BE AS REASONABLE.

[Mews]