Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 4, Episode 14 - Almost a Nun's Story - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

THAT WAS A REALLY NICE PLACE. YEAH. WE
SHOULD HAVE LUNCH THERE MORE OFTEN.

THANKS A LOT. WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME YOU WERE GOING OUT?



I HAD TO GO TO LUNCH ALONE. WELL,
YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE BUSY.

WELL, I HAD TO EAT LUNCH ALONE. I WENT
TO A BAR, AND I LOST $14 ON A SOAP OPERA.

ON A SOAP OPERA? YEAH. I
BET THE BABY WAS LEGITIMATE.

- HI, GEORGETTE.
- [Whimpering] HELLO, MARY.

GEORGETTE, IS
SOMETHING WRONG? NO.

GEORGETTE, ARE YOU CRYING?

I HAVE SOMETHING
IN MY EYE. WHAT?

TEARS.

[Crying] MARY. OH, GEORGETTE.

I WAS LOOKING FOR TED, AND I
WENT INTO HIS DRESSING ROOM,

AND THERE WAS TED AND
THIS WOMAN ON THE COUCH.

AND HE HAD HIS ARMS AROUND HER,
AND SHE HAD HER ARMS AROUND HIM,

AND THEY WERE
KISSING EACH OTHER.

OH, GEORGETTE, MAYBE
THERE'S SOME EXPLANATION.



SURE THERE IS. THEY
WERE MAKING OUT.

NO. I MEAN, THINGS AREN'T
ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM.

I'M JUST... Y-YOU SAY THAT THEY
WERE ON THE COUCH TOGETHER.

DID TED SEE YOU? EVENTUALLY.

DID HE SAY ANYTHING?
HE SAID "UH-OH."

TED ALWAYS WAS A FAST THINKER.

GEORGETTE, JUST DON'T MAKE UP
YOUR MIND ABOUT ANYTHING YET, HUH?

SAY, MARY, WOULD YOU GET TED FOR ME? I'VE
BEEN CALLING HIS DRESSING ROOM FOR AN HOUR.

FOR SOME REASON, HE MUST'VE
TAKEN HIS PHONE OFF THE HOOK.

[Crying] OH, MR. GRANT. OH.

NO. DON'T CRY. WHY?

IT CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD. NO.
TRY AND LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.

WHAT BRIGHT SIDE? THERE'S
ALWAYS A BRIGHT SIDE.

SO, MURRAY, WHY DON'T YOU GET
GEORGETTE A NICE CUP OF HOT TEA?

GEORGETTE, WHY DON'T YOU
SIT RIGHT HERE AND RELAX?

AND, MARY, WHY DON'T YOU TELL
ME WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT?

HI, GUYS. GEORGETTE,
WHAT DID YOU RUN AWAY FOR?

UH, TED, WOULDN'T YOU AND
GEORGETTE LIKE TO BE ALONE?

WHY SHOULD WE WANNA BE ALONE?
IT'S NOT LIKE ANYTHING IS WRONG.

TED, WHO WAS THAT WOMAN
IN YOUR DRESSING ROOM?

- WHAT WOMAN?
- THE WOMAN YOU WERE KISSING.

K-KISSING?

OH, YOU... OH... OH, YOU THOUGHT...
YOU THOUGHT WE WERE K-KI...

- OH, GEORGETTE.
- [Georgette] WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

WHAT WAS I DOING? WELL,

THE PERSON YOU SAW WAS A
LICENSED VACUUM CLEANER SALESMAN.

WHEN SHE PLUGGED IN HER
DEMONSTRATION MODEL, SHE RECEIVED...

A SEVERE ELECTRIC SHOCK
AND FELL ON MY COUCH,

AND IT LOOKED TO ME LIKE
SHE STOPPED BREATHING,

SO I PROCEEDED TO GIVE HER
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION.

YOU KNOW, IN WITH THE
GOOD AIR, OUT WITH THE BAD.

FOR 10 FRIGHTENING MINUTES I
WORKED OVER HER, GEORGETTE,

IN WITH THE GOOD
AIR, OUT WITH THE BAD,

UNTIL, FINALLY, BY SOME MIRACLE,

I FELT LIFE COMING
BACK INTO HER BODY.

- AND THAT'S WHEN
YOU WALKED IN.
- OH, TED.

YOU KNOW, SOMEHOW I KNEW THERE
HAD TO BE A GOOD EXPLANATION.

AND SHE REALLY BOUGHT IT?
YEAH. SHE SEEMED TO AT THE TIME.

BUT SHE CALLED ME A LITTLE WHILE
AGO. SHE SOUNDED REALLY UPSET.

- SHE WANTS TO COME OVER
AND TALK.
- OH, BOY.

YOU GOTTA GIVE TED CREDIT. I
MEAN, THAT IS QUITE A STORY...

BRINGING A VACUUM CLEANER
SALESMAN BACK TO LIFE.

- DID YOU EVER
HEAR A STORY LIKE THAT BEFORE?
- ONCE, ON KATHRYN KUHLMAN.

[Doorbell Buzzes] KATHRYN WOULDN'T
SWALLOW THAT STORY THOUGH.

[Rhoda] NO.

HI, GEORGETTE.
COME ON IN. HI, MARY.

- HI, RHODA.
- HI, GEORGETTE. HOW ARE YA?

NOT SO GOOD.

MARY, THAT WOMAN IN TED'S DRESSING
ROOM, SHE'S NOT A VACUUM CLEANER SALESMAN.

OH? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?

WELL, AFTER I LEFT TED, I
MET HER IN THE ELEVATOR,

AND I ASKED HER HOW SHE WAS
FEELING, AND SHE SAID, "FINE."

SHE ASKED ME HOW I WAS
FEELING, AND I SAID, "FINE."

AND I SAID, "THAT MUST'VE
BEEN QUITE A SHOCK FOR YOU."

SHE SAID, "IT MUST'VE BEEN
QUITE A SHOCK FOR YOU TOO."

THAT MADE ME SUSPICIOUS, SO I SAID,
"WHERE'S YOUR VACUUM CLEANER?"

AND SHE SAID, "AT
HOME IN MY CLOSET."

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT DAWNED ON
ME, MARY. TED MADE THE WHOLE THING UP.

- OH, GEORGETTE.
- SO I RAN BACK
TO HIS DRESSING ROOM,

AND I SAID, "TED, YOU MADE
THAT WHOLE STORY UP."

AND HE SAID, "WHAT
STORY DO YOU MEAN?"

AND I SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT STORY I
MEAN. YOU MADE THE WHOLE THING UP,

THAT STORY ABOUT GIVING THAT
WOMAN MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION."

AND HE SAID, "OH, THAT STORY."

SO I TOLD HIM I NEVER
WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN.

AH, GEORGETTE.
PLEASE. DON'T BE UPSET.

IT'S OKAY, RHODA. I'M GONNA BE
ALL RIGHT. IT WAS FOOLISH OF ME...

TO TRY AND BUILD MY
WHOLE LIFE AROUND ONE MAN.

- I'M GONNA GET WITH IT.
- GET WITH WHAT?

TODAY. THE TIMES. LIFE. MYSELF.

I'M GONNA START HAVING FUN.
IF TED CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT.

NOW, WAIT, GEORGETTE.
DON'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING.

I MEAN, LOOK, WHY WOULD YOU
WANNA CHANGE? YOU ARE WHAT YA ARE.

NO, RHODA. I USED TO BE
WHAT I AM, BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE.

YOU'LL SEE. FROM NOW ON,
IT'S A DIFFERENT GEORGETTE.

I'M GONNA LIVE IT UP. I'M
GONNA GO TO SINGLES RESORTS.

I'M GONNA KISS
ON THE FIRST DATE.

I'M GONNA GO OUT WITH A DIFFERENT
MAN EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK,

SOON AS I GET TO KNOW SEVEN MEN.

GEORGETTE, COME ON. I KNOW
TED'S GIVEN YOU A BAD TIME, BUT, BOY,

YOU DON'T WANNA DO
SOMETHING YOU'RE GONNA REGRET.

YES, I DO. I'M GONNA DO ALL THE THINGS I
ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT WAS AFRAID TO.

I'M GONNA BE WILD
AND CRAZY AND FREE.

HERE. LOOK WHAT I
BOUGHT ON MY WAY OVER

HERE. I'M GONNA HAVE
MY FIRST CIGARETTE NOW.

OH, GEORGETTE. NOW, WAIT.
NO. YOU DON'T WANNA DO THIS.

LOOK. LOOK AT THIS. "THE SURGEON
GENERAL HAS DETERMINED...

THAT CIGARETTE SMOKING IS
DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH."

RIGHT HERE BY THE FLOWERS.

THE SURGEON GENERAL NEVER
WENT STEADY WITH TED BAXTER.

COME ON, GEORGETTE. YOU
DON'T WANNA START SMOKING.

- WHAT IF I DON'T INHALE?
- NO.

HOW 'BOUT IF I DON'T LIGHT IT?

GEORGETTE, NO. UH-UH.

OKAY THEN. I WANT
A DRINK. SCOTCH.

- YOU DON'T DRINK.
- MARY, I'M A GROWN WOMAN,

AND IF I COME TO YOUR
HOUSE AND ASK FOR A DRINK

OF SCOTCH, I WOULD
THINK YOU'D GIVE IT TO ME.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, GEORGETTE.
I WILL GIVE YOU A DRINK OF SCOTCH.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT? NEAT.

I HEARD SOMEBODY ORDER IT
THAT WAY. OKAY. HERE YOU ARE.

SCOTCH, NEAT. THANK YOU.

THAT TASTES GOOD.

OH, TED. HERE'S YOUR COPY. YOU'D BETTER
GO OVER IT. YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

IS LOU IN HIS OFFICE? [Mary] NO, HE'S
NOT. HE STEPPED OUT FOR A MINUTE.

- [Sighs] - TED,
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL
THE NEWS TONIGHT. I CAN'T GO ON.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"CANCEL THE NEWS"?
- IT'S JUST... JUST NOT IN ME.

ALL I CAN THINK OF IS GEORGETTE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT?

I SAT UP AND WATCHED THAT ANT
VILLAGE SHE GAVE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

ANT VILLAGE? YEAH. IT'S A
COLONY OF ANTS IN A GLASS BOX.

YOU CAN LOOK IN, SEE EVERYTHING
THEY DO. THERE'S THIS ONE BIG RED ANT...

SHE NAMED "TED" AFTER ME,

AND THERE'S ONE LITTLE ONE I
NAMED "GEORGETTE" AFTER HER.

WE USED TO CALL 'EM
OUR "LOVE ANTS." [Sighs]

YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA THINK THIS
IS SILLY. WHAT? "LOVE ANTS" SILLY? NO.

I THINK TED AND GEORGETTE, THE
ANTS, KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG...

WITH TED AND
GEORGETTE, THE PEOPLE.

TED WAS CARRYING THIS GIANT
BREAD CRUMB FROM THE THIRD LEVEL...

TO THE FOURTH LEVEL, AND
GEORGETTE WOULDN'T HELP HIM.

SHE CRAWLED RIGHT PAST HIM LIKE SHE
DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE HIM OR ANYTHING.

OH, I'M SURE TED AND GEORGETTE
WILL WORK IT OUT SOMEHOW.

- THE ANTS OR THE PEOPLE?
- BOTH.

IT'S NO USE, MARY. I CAN'T GO ON. WE'RE
JUST GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL THE NEWS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "CANCEL THE
NEWS"? I'M JUST NOT UP TO IT, LOU.

THERE'S TROUBLE BETWEEN
TED AND GEORGETTE. THE PEOPLE.

TED, WE CAN'T CANCEL THE NEWS.
YOU GO ON IN THREE MINUTES.

WELL, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO,
LOU. I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA MAKE IT.

TED, IT'S TOO LATE TO TELL THE
WORLD NOT TO DO ANYTHING TODAY.

- WE CANNOT CANCEL THE NEWS!
- MR. GRANT, UM...

MR. GRANT, TED'S REALLY UPSET, AND I
DON'T THINK YELLING IS GONNA DO ANY GOOD,

SO IF YOU COULD TRY
TO JUST BE... PATIENT.

OKAY.

TED, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
OUT THERE DEPENDING ON YOU.

NO, THEY'RE NOT. OH, SURE
THERE ARE. SURE THERE ARE.

NOW, PICTURE IN YOUR MIND, TED, THE
AVERAGE CITIZEN OF MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL.

LET'S CALL HIM JOE. JOE WHAT?

JOE TWIN CITY. NOW, HE'S HAD TO
FIGHT TRAFFIC ALL THE WAY HOME.

NOW, AS HE DRIVES INTO HIS GARAGE,
HE'S THINKING OF ONLY ONE THING.

WHAT'S THAT? HOW NICE IT'S GONNA
BE TO SIT DOWN IN HIS FAVORITE CHAIR,

TURN ON THE TELEVISION AND LISTEN TO
TED BAXTER TELL HIM WHAT'S GOING ON.

PICTURE IT, TED. JOE TWIN
CITY WALKS UP THE FRONT PATH.

HIS WIFE FLINGS OPEN THE
DOOR. WHAT'S HER NAME?

- ADELE.
- ADELE.

SHE GREETS HIM WITH A KISS.
SHE HANDS HIM HIS DRINK...

WHA... MARTINI, VERY
DRY, TWO OLIVES.

NOW, HE TURNS ON THE TELEVISION
WAITING TO BE ENLIGHTENED AND INFORMED.

AND INSTEAD OF TED BAXTER,
WHAT DOES HE SEE? DEAD AIR.

YOU THINK HE'LL
NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE?

CAN YOU DO THAT TO
HIM, TED, TO JOE TWIN CITY?

NO. I CAN'T, LOU. GOOD. MURRAY.

NOW, GET IN THERE AND DO THE
NEWS. I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN, LOU.

THAT'S ALL WE CAN EXPECT,
TED. IT'S MORE THAN WE EVER GOT.

- WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN TED
AND GEORGETTE ANYWAY?
- SHE WOULDN'T HELP HIM...

LIFT A GIANT BREAD CRUMB.

GOOD EVENING. THIS IS TED
BAXTER WITH THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS,

WITH GORDIE HOWARD AND THE WEATHER AND
ANDY RIVERS WITH THE LATEST FROM SPORTS.

AND NOW HERE'S...
[Swallows Words] THE NEWS.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

GEORGETTE, HI.

ARE YOU BUSY? NO. COME ON IN.

HI, RHODA. HEY, GEORGETTE.
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.

- I HAD A DATE TONIGHT.
- COME ON IN.

DID YOU LIKE THE GUY?
WELL, HE WAS HANDSOME.

YEAH? AND HE WAS INTELLIGENT.

- YEAH?
- BUT HE WASN'T TED.
- LISTEN.

THREE OUT OF THREE AIN'T BAD.

I GUESS WHEN YOU'VE CENTERED
YOUR LIFE AROUND ONE PERSON,

IT'S SORT OF HARD TO
BUILD NEW RELATIONSHIPS.

I DON'T THINK IT'S
JUST THAT, MARY.

IN FACT, I'VE MADE A DECISION
ABOUT MYSELF TONIGHT.

I DECIDED I'M NOT CUT
OUT TO BE A WILD WOMAN.

I THINK THAT'S A
VERY WISE DECISION.

I'VE DECIDED TO BECOME A NUN.

BUT, GEORGETTE, YOU CAN'T JUST
GO OUT AND DECIDE TO BECOME A NUN.

WHY NOT? SOME PEOPLE MUST,
OR THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY.

ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS? YES, I AM, MARY.

I THINK IT'D BE A
WONDERFUL LIFE.

I'D GET UP IN THE
MORNING. THEN I'D PRAY.

THEN I'D MEDITATE.
THEN I'D PRAY SOME MORE.

THEN I'D MEDITATE SOME MORE.
THEN I GUESS IT'D BE TIME FOR LUNCH.

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE
WORKED UP AN APPETITE.

I WANNA GO SOMEPLACE
WHERE IT'S PEACEFUL AND QUIET.

I THINK I'D LIKE TO GO TO
ONE OF THOSE ORDERS...

WHERE YOU DON'T GET TO SAY
ANYTHING FOR WEEKS AT A TIME.

WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT, GO BACK TO TED.

NO, RHODA. I'VE DECIDED. TOMORROW
I'M GOING TO A CONVENT AND SIGN UP.

GEORGETTE, LOOK, I
KNOW YOU'VE... YOU'VE HAD

A ROUGH TIME OF IT,
BUT YOU DON'T WANNA...

MAKE A DECISION THAT'S
GONNA AFFECT THE

REST OF YOUR LIFE ON
THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT.

IT'S NOT ON THE SPUR OF THE
MOMENT, MARY. IT'S SOMETHING...

THAT HAS BEEN IN THE BACK
OF MY MIND FOR A LONG TIME,

EVER SINCE I READ A BEAUTIFUL POEM
IN HIGH SCHOOL ABOUT BECOMING A NUN.

LISTEN. IF I LET A HIGH SCHOOL
POEM AFFECT ME, TODAY, I'D BE A TREE.

MAYBE I'M WRONG. I MEAN,
WHAT WAS THE POEM?

IT'S CALLED "A NUN TAKES THE
VEIL," BY GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS.

OH, I THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN IT.

I FORGOT THE WORDS, BUT
I REMEMBER THE FEELING.

IT'S ABOUT A GIRL WHO'S TIRED OF
THE UNHAPPINESS OF THE WORLD,

AND SHE WANTS TO GO SOMEPLACE
WHERE IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND PEACEFUL...

AND WHERE SHE CAN BE HAPPY
FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

GEORGETTE, DO THEY
TAKE JEWISH GIRLS?

SURPRISE, SURPRISE.
OH, HI, GEORGETTE.

MARY, I JUST CAME FROM THE
CONVENT. I SPOKE TO ONE OF THE SISTERS.

WHAT HAPPENED? WELL, WHEN I
TOLD HER I WANTED TO BECOME A NUN,

SHE ASKED WHY, AND
WE HAD A NICE, LONG TALK.

AND, MARY, COULD YOU DO
ME A BIG FAVOR? YEAH. SURE.

WELL, SISTER ANN...
THAT'S HER NAME...

SAID SHE WANTED TO TALK
TO SOMEBODY IN MY FAMILY,

AND SINCE I DON'T HAVE
ANYBODY IN MINNEAPOLIS,

SHE SAID WHAT ABOUT
MY CLOSEST FRIEND?

SO WOULD YOU BE MY CLOSEST
FRIEND? OH, GEORGETTE.

YEAH. SURE. THANKS. THANK YOU.

WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I ASK HER TO COME
BY YOUR APARTMENT TONIGHT AFTER WORK?

YEAH. THAT'LL BE FINE.
I GET OFF WORK AT 7:00.

I COULD PICK YOU UP
ON MY WAY HOME. GREAT.

OKAY. GOOD. OH, THAT'S
WONDERFUL. I'M SO EXCITED.

MAYBE AFTER SHE
TALKS TO YOU, YOU'LL BE

INTERESTED, AND WE CAN
BECOME NUNS TOGETHER.

I DON'T THINK MR. GRANT
WOULD LIKE THAT.

MR. GRANT WON'T LIKE WHAT?
MARY AND I BEING NUNS TOGETHER.

OH, WELL, MAYBE IF YOU
CATCH HIM IN A GOOD MOOD.

GEE, THIS IS TERRIFIC.

I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN, BUT IT'S TERRIFIC
ANYWAY... I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK TO ME.

TED... NO, NO, NO. IT'S TERRIFIC.
YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN.

YOU KNOW, IT WAS JUST AS
HARD ON ME AS IT WAS ON YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
AS SOON AS I STARTED TO READ THE NEWS,

I BROKE DOWN AND
CRIED, DIDN'T I, MURRAY?

YEAH. USUALLY IT'S ME.

BUT THAT'S ALL BEHIND US NOW.

MY LITTLE GIRL HAS COME BACK TO
ME, AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

TED, I JUST CAME TO SEE
MARY. NOTHING'S CHANGED.

UH, MURRAY, MAYBE
YOU AND I OUGHTA...

NO, WAIT. STAY.

I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO
HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY NOW.

ALL RIGHT, GEORGETTE.
I STRAYED FROM THE

STRAIGHT AND NARROW. I
ADMIT IT. WHAT'D HE SAY?

I STRAYED FROM THE
STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

BUT... BUT CAN YOU
REALLY BLAME ME...

FOR BEING WHAT I AM?

I MEAN, DO YOU BLAME A LEAF
BECAUSE IT FALLS IN AUTUMN?

DO YOU BLAME A WOLF
BECAUSE IT BAYS AT THE MOON?

DO YOU BLAME A MOTH
BECAUSE IT EATS YOUR SOCKS?

DO YOU? WELL, THE MOTH I
WOULD BE A LITTLE PEEVED AT.

GEORGETTE, I PROMISE
IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

CAN YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO
FORGIVE ME? YES, TED. I FORGIVE YOU.

BUT I THINK YOU'LL HAVE
TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.

[Chuckles Weakly] YOU KNOW, I WAS
TALKING TO MY MOTHER ABOUT THIS,

AND SHE SAID, "YOU YOUNG
PEOPLE, YOU'LL WORK IT OUT."

CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE
YOUR OWN MOTHER!

[Doorbell Buzzing]

HELLO. HELLO.

- CAN I HELP YOU?
- I'M SISTER ANN HUTCHINS
FROM ST. ELIZABETH'S.

- MISS RICHARDS?
- NO. I'M RHODA MORGENSTERN.

I LIVE UPSTAIRS. PLEASE
COME IN. THANK YOU.

MARY'LL BE, UH, A LITTLE LATE.
SHE GOT HELD UP AT THE OFFICE,

AND SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME TO
COME DOWN AND LET YOU IN. OH, I SEE.

YEAH. GEE, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA BE
HONEST WITH YOU. I'M A LITTLE SURPRISED.

I MEAN, MARY SAID A NUN WAS COMING OVER,
SO OF COURSE I WAS EXPECTING SOMEONE...

DRESSED IN A...

MOST OF US DRESS
ANY WAY WE WANT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
SIT DOWN? THANK YOU.

AND CAN I GET YOU
ANYTHING? OH, NO, NO.

YOU SURE? I'M SURE.

WELL, LISTEN,
SISTER. I GOTTA LEAVE.

I GOT A GUY WAITING UPSTAIRS
IN MY APARTMENT FOR ME.

OH, FORGIVE ME. I'M SO SORRY.

DON'T BE SORRY. SOME OF
MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MEN.

- I JUST WOULDN'T WANT ANY
OF MY SISTERS TO MARRY ONE.
- [Guffaws] THAT'S FUNNY.

THAT'S GOOD. LISTEN, MAKE
YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. THANK YOU.

I'M SURE MARY'LL BE HOME ANY
MINUTE. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, RHODA.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU TOO, SISTER,
REALLY. AND I HATE TO LEAVE YOU ALONE HERE.

BUT WHAT THE HECK? YOU'RE
NOT GONNA STEAL ANYTHING.

[Knocking]

HELLO. HI. IS MARY HOME?

WELL, NO. SHE'S NOT AT THE MOMENT,
BUT I'M EXPECTING HER ANY MINUTE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME
IN AND WAIT? OH, THANKS.

EXCUSE ME. AREN'T YOU TED
BAXTER, THE NEWSCASTER?

YOU RECOGNIZE ME, HUH?
YES. I'VE SEEN YOUR SHOW.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[Sighs]

I'M SORRY. I'M NOT VERY GOOD
COMPANY. I HAD A ROUGH DAY TODAY.

GIRL WALKED OUT ON ME,
AND I'M PRETTY SHOOK UP.

- I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
- SAID SHE NEVER WANTED
TO SEE ME AGAIN.

- THAT'S WHY I CAME OVER TO SEE
MARY... HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
- WELL, MAYBE I COULD HELP.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, IT'S INCREDIBLE. I
CAME HERE TO TALK TO MARY,

AND INSTEAD OF MARY, THERE'S
THIS GREAT-LOOKIN' CHICK.

YOU KNOW, I... I THINK IT'S FATE
THAT BROUGHT US TOGETHER.

- FATE?
- FATE. YES. DON'T YOU BELIEVE
IN A HIGHER POWER...

THAT RULES OVER OUR DESTINIES?

DEVOUTLY.

WELL, WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT EACH OTHER? OH, WHAT AM I DOING?

THAT'S THE WAY I LOST
MY GIRL IN THE FIRST PLACE.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, SHE TOLD
ME TO GO OUT TO FIND ANOTHER WOMAN.

HEAVEN KNOWS I'M TIRED OF
BEING LONELY. IT'S BEEN FIVE HOURS.

PLEASE. I NEED
SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

MR. BAXTER, ARE YOU
ASKING ME FOR A DATE?

IS THE POPE CATHOLIC?

I HOPE SO.

I'M A NUN.

[Choking] BOY,
WHAT A ROTTEN DAY.

SO LONG, SISTER.

SISTER ANN WAS VERY NICE ABOUT
IT, WASN'T SHE, MARY? OH, YEAH.

SHE SAID THERE ARE TWO REASONS
WHY A GIRL ENTERS A CONVENT:

ONE IS BECAUSE SHE
WANTS TO FIND SOMETHING,

AND THE OTHER'S BECAUSE SHE
WANTS TO ESCAPE FROM SOMETHING.

AND I SAID I WANTED TO FIND
SOMETHING, AND SHE SAID, "WHAT?"

AND I SAID, "A PLACE TO
ESCAPE FROM EVERYTHING."

AND THEN SHE EXPLAINED THAT
YOU SHOULD ONLY BECOME A NUN...

IF YOU REALLY FEEL YOU
HAVE A CALLING... [Knocking]

AND NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST FED
UP WITH THE STUPIDITY OF THE WORLD.

SHE SEEMS TO KNOW
TED PRETTY WELL.

TED. HI, MARY.

GEORGETTE.

I CALLED, AND THERE WAS NO
ANSWER. I FIGURED YOU MIGHT BE HERE.

UH, IS THE NUN LADY
GONE? YES, TED. SHE'S GONE.

LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT
SHE MIGHT'VE TOLD YOU,

BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT,
WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE.

I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS A NUN. I ALWAYS
THOUGHT THEY TRAVELED IN TWOS.

WHAT WAS SHE DOING HERE ANYWAY? SHE CAME
TO TALK TO GEORGETTE ABOUT BECOMING A NUN.

GEORGETTE A NUN BECAUSE OF ME?

GEE, I NEVER HAD A GIRL
BECOME A NUN OVER ME BEFORE.

HAD A GIRL BECOME
A STEWARDESS ONCE.

TED, I'M NOT GOING TO BECOME
A NUN. THEY DON'T WANT ME.

I WANT YOU, GEORGETTE. AND HOW
MANY OTHER GIRLS DO YOU WANT?

OH, COME ON, GEORGETTE. DON'T HOLD A
GRUDGE JUST BECAUSE OF ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.

RHODA, WOULD YOU HOLD A GRUDGE JUST
BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID? NO, I WOULDN'T, TED.

SEE? I WOULD'VE KILLED YOU.

GEORGETTE, WHAT DO
YOU WANT ME TO DO?

- I MEAN, DO YOU WANT ME
TO WEAR SACKCLOTH AND ASHES?
- NO.

YOU WANT ME TO
SHAVE MY HEAD? NO.

YOU WANT ME TO COME CRAWLING BACK, BEGGING
YOUR FORGIVENESS ON MY HANDS AND KNEES?

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

TED, IF WE DID GET BACK TOGETHER,
THINGS WOULD HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT.

OF COURSE.

I'M SURE YOU WON'T ASK
FOR ANYTHING UNREASONABLE.

I MEAN, YOU'RE A REASONABLE
GIRL. ISN'T SHE REASONABLE, MARY?

REASONABLY REASONABLE.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO
GIVE UP MY FREEDOM ENTIRELY, DO YOU?

YES, TED, I DO EXPECT YOU TO
GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOM ENTIRELY.

OH, I MEAN, YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO
SPEND EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK WITH YOU.

YES, TED, I DO EXPECT YOU TO SPEND
EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK WITH ME.

WHAT I MEAN IS YOU DON'T EXPECT ME
TO ACCOUNT TO YOU FOR EVERYTHING I DO.

I MEAN, BE AT YOUR BECK AND CALL
EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY LIKE A SLAVE?

YES, TED, I DO EXPECT YOU TO
ACCOUNT FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO...

AND TO BE AT MY BECK AND CALL
EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY LIKE A SLAVE.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS REASONABLE.

- CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
- WHAT?

I LOVE HIM.

- CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
- WHAT?

SHE LOVES ME.

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL HOW TED AND
GEORGETTE ARE GETTING ALONG SO WELL?

[Knocking] COME IN.

TED, I JUST WANTED TO DROP
OFF THESE PROMOS. OH, HI, MARY.

JUST A MINUTE, MARY. WE WANNA
SHOW YOU SOMETHING. OH? WHAT?

WE NAMED AN ANT AFTER
YOU. YOU'RE KIDDING.

WHICH ONE? OH, I HOPE IT'S
THIS CUTE LITTLE ONE. NO, IT'S NOT.

WE CAN SWITCH, TED. WE
CAN NAME ANYONE MARY.

OH, OKAY. I'LL GO ALONG.
IT'S THIS ONE, MARY.

WHY ISN'T SHE MOVING?

SOMETIMES THEY'RE ASLEEP. THEN
AGAIN, SOMETIMES THEY'RE DEAD.

WELL, THANKS FOR THE ANT.

YEAH. IT'S DEAD.

[Mews]