Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 3, Episode 11 - You've Got a Friend - full transcript
Three weeks into her parent's move to Minneapolis, Mary notices that her mother, Dottie, is adjusting to life in the big city, but that her father, Walter, is not adjusting not only to life in the big city but not adjusting to his life as a retired surgeon. He has yet to make any friends and is doing things out of the ordinary just to keep busy. Mary thinks that things will change once he does meet some people he can call his own friends, and she tries to help that process along. But after a somewhat disastrous lunch with her two favorite men in the world - Walter and Lou - Mary thinks that before her father should meet new people, she should become a better friend to him.
♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪
♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪
♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪
♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪
♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪
[Knocking] COMING!
HI... THERE.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU'D BE SO
THRILLED TO SEE ME. COME ON IN.
I WAS ABOUT TO GO INTO TWO
CHORUSES OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" TO YOU.
JUST GOT TWO QUESTIONS
FOR YOU, MAR... DO YOU
HAVE ANY ASPIRIN, AND
WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT?
SURE, UH, AND MY MOTHER'S.
IN THE MEDICINE CABINET, RIGHT?
RIGHT. I'M TAKING MY MOTHER AND FATHER
TO EMILIO'S FOR DINNER TO CELEBRATE.
OH, THAT'S NICE! HMM.
HEY, WHERE IS IT? OVER
ON NICOLETTE AVENUE.
NO, THE ASPIRIN. OH.
UPPER LEFT-HAND CORNER.
OH, YEAH, YEAH. I SEE IT.
BOY, MARY, YOU ARE REALLY WELL
ORGANIZED. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO KEEPS
HER MEDICINE CABINET IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.
[Knocking]
HI, MOM! OH!
OH! OH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AH, THANK YOU,
HONEY. HIYA, FOLKS.
HI, RHODA. DOTTIE,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, YOU
CERTAINLY DON'T LOOK IT. OH, MWAH.
DAD, THAT IS SOME
GORGEOUS TIE. OH, THANK YOU.
- YOUR MOTHER
JUST GAVE IT TO ME.
- ON HER BIRTHDAY?
WELL, SEE, I BOUGHT MYSELF SO MANY
GIFTS, I THOUGHT HE OUGHTA GET SOMETHING.
COME ON IN. SIT DOWN
FOR A MINUTE. FINE.
OH! DAD, BEFORE I FORGET,
I GOT THIS FOR YOU. HUH?
I THOUGHT YOU'D GET A
KICK OUT OF IT. WHAT IS IT?
- THEY CLAIM IT'S THE WORLD'S
HARDEST JIGSAW PUZZLE.
- OH!
IT'S SUPPOSED TO TAKE
FIVE YEARS. OH, GREAT.
DOTTIE, IT LOOKS LIKE WE DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE THAT TRIP TO EUROPE NOW.
NOW, HONEY, WE CAN DO BOTH. SEE, I TOLD YOU
THERE WERE GOOD THINGS ABOUT RETIREMENT.
OH, MARY, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I MADE YOU A PRESENT...
WITH THE LAST
PRESENT YOU GAVE ME.
- THAT LITTLE
JEWELRY-MAKING KIT.
- OH, YES!
OH, AND HE MADE ME THE CUTEST
LITTLE PIN. IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
- IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH,
HOW COME YOU NEVER WEAR IT?
- WHERE IS THAT LITTLE DEVIL?
WHAT DID HE MAKE
FOR YOU? A LITTLE DEVIL.
OH. OH!
OH, ISN'T THIS, UH, TERRIFIC!
YEAH, MAR. THAT
REALLY IS SOMETHING.
- WHAT IS IT?
- A HEART.
AREN'T HEARTS USUALLY,
UH, HEART-SHAPED?
- THAT IS HEART-SHAPED.
- RHODA, WALTER WAS A SURGEON.
THAT'S HEART-SHAPED.
SEE, UM... YEAH.
SEE THOSE LITTLE BLUE
THINGS? THOSE ARE THE
VEINS, AND THAT RED
THING IS THE ARTERIES.
WELL, UH, DAD, WHAT'S
THIS LITTLE GREEN THING?
OH, THAT'S WHERE I RAN
OUT OF LITTLE BLUE THINGS.
SAY, IT'LL LOOK GREAT WITH
THAT DRESS YOU'VE GOT ON.
OH. WELL, THEN I'LL WEAR IT.
THANK YOU, DAD. OH. JUST A PIN.
HEY, WHAT IS THIS, SOME
PROTESTANT CUSTOM?
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, AND
EVERYBODY'S GOTTEN A GIFT BUT YOU.
I AM WEARING MY
GIFT FROM WALT. TA-DA!
OH, THAT IS SHARP.
OH, IS THAT WHAT I
GOT YOU THIS YEAR?
MY TASTE IS IMPROVING. I HATED
THE ONE I GAVE YOU LAST YEAR.
WELL, I LOVE THEM BOTH, AND THANK
YOU, SWEETHEART. OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
NOW THAT I'M UP, I'M
GONNA GO WASH MY HANDS.
THAT BANNISTER OF
YOURS IS STILL DIRTY.
GEE, DAD, YOUR HANDS DON'T
LOOK DIRTY. I KNOW, BUT I CAN FEEL IT.
I NEVER THOUGHT
I WOULD SAY THIS,
BUT YOUR FATHER'S DRIVING
ME RIGHT UP THE WALL.
OH, HONEY, RETIREMENT
REALLY DOESN'T AGREE WITH HIM.
HE'S STILL HAVING A HARD
TIME FINDING THINGS TO DO?
LAST WEEK HE MUST HAVE TAKEN MY
TEMPERATURE AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES.
OH, MOM, I THINK
THAT'S KIND OF SWEET.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT,
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE SEEMED SO
DISAPPOINTED WHEN IT WAS NORMAL.
WELL, READY TO GO?
YEAH, SURE. ALL SET.
RHODA, HONEY, WE'D LOVE IT IF
YOU COULD JOIN US FOR DINNER.
WELL, I AM DRESSED FOR IT,
BUT I GOT THIS HEADACHE
AND SORT OF A SORE THROAT.
OH? WHAT? YEAH.
OH, YES, YES. YOU GO
RIGHT UP AND GO TO BED.
I'LL GO DOWN TO THE CAR AND GET
MY BAG. I WANT TO GIVE YOU A SHOT.
NOW, PLEASE, DOC, NO. I DON'T
WANT YOU TO GO TO ANY TROUBLE.
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'D LIKE
TO FEEL USEFUL AROUND HERE.
RHODA, IF HE WANTS TO TAKE
OUT YOUR APPENDIX, DON'T LET HIM.
NEVER ON A FIRST DATE.
[Knocking] WHO IS IT?
IT'S ME. OH, COME ON IN, MAR.
HIYA, KID. HI.
SIT DOWN, IF YOU
CAN FIND A PLACE.
I WAS JUST FINISHING UP THIS TEST IN
HERE CALLED "HOW HONEST ARE YOU?"
HMM. PRETTY GOOD. GOT A 95.
COURSE, I CHEATED A LITTLE.
WELL, I THOUGHT I'D JUST COME
UP AND TRY TO CHEER YOU UP.
GEE, THAT'S NICE OF
YOU, KID. THANKS A LOT.
[Sighs]
WELL, WHEN DOES THIS
CHEERING UP START?
I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT AT DINNER.
WHAT? SOMETHING GO WRONG?
MY MOTHER AND I WERE
TALKING ABOUT DRAPES,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
MY FATHER JOINED IN.
- SO?
- HE NEVER CARED
ABOUT DRAPES BEFORE.
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK HE
EVEN KNEW WE HAD DRAPES.
HE WAS ALWAYS OUT FIGHTING
AN EPIDEMIC OR SOMETHING.
NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S
TALKING ABOUT DRAPES. IT'S JUST SAD.
I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SOME TEA.
IT'LL BE NICE.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
AH, TERRIFIC TEA BAG.
CAME WITH THE APARTMENT.
LISTEN, MARY, DOESN'T YOUR
FATHER HAVE ANY HOBBIES,
BESIDES MAKING MIDGET HEARTS?
- WELL, GOLF.
- WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
RHODA, YOU NEED SOMEBODY
TO PLAY GOLF WITH. YEAH.
THEY ONLY MOVED HERE THREE WEEKS
AGO. HE HASN'T MADE ANY FRIENDS YET.
MY MOTHER JOINED ONE OF PHYLLIS'S CLUBS
RIGHT AWAY, AND, OF COURSE, SHE HAS ME,
BUT, BOY, IN THIS TOWN IT ISN'T
EASY TO FIND A MAN TO HAVE FUN WITH.
YOU'RE TELLING ME?
MR. GRANT, CAN I
GET YOUR SIGNATURE?
AND, UH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING FOR LUNCH TODAY?
HOW MANY GUESSES DO I GET?
OKAY, UH, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
LUNCH WITH MY FATHER AND ME.
AM I?
HE'S A SURGEON,
RIGHT? YES, HE IS.
YEAH. I USED TO GO
FISHING WITH A SURGEON.
BOY, COULD THAT
MAN CLEAN A FISH.
COURSE, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE HE
HAD A TENDENCY TO TRY AND SAVE ONE.
OKAY.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A HEART.
IT DOESN'T BEAT OR
ANYTHING, DOES IT?
IT'S A LITTLE PIN. MY
FATHER MADE IT FOR ME.
HE'S COMING TO LUNCH TODAY.
I'M HOPING HE AND MR. GRANT
WILL BECOME FRIENDS.
WELL, WHEN A MAN IS OVER 40, HE
DOESN'T LIKE TO BE TOLD WHO TO PLAY WITH.
I HOPE THEY HIT IT OFF. I PAID OVER $12
FOR A COUPLE OF TICKETS TO THE BALL GAME.
WHAT DID YOU PAY FOR THEM FOR? ED THE
SPORTSCASTER ALWAYS HAS THEM FOR FREE.
NO, NO, NO. IF YOU'RE A WOMAN,
WITH ED, THEY'RE NOT REALLY FOR FREE.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE
GUYS? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
STATION'S CHEAP OLD HEALTH PLAN
WON'T PAY FOR MY ANNUAL TUNE-UP.
TUNE-UP? I MEANT MY CHECKUP.
OH, GOOD.
FOR A MINUTE I HAD A PICTURE OF
YOU UP THERE ON THE LUBE RACK.
- MARY?
- AH, DADDY, HI!
HI, DARLIN'. DADDY,
UH, THIS IS TED BAXTER.
OH? YOU'VE SEEN HIM DO THE NEWS.
I CERTAINLY HAVE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. VERY NICE OF
YOU TO SAY THAT. I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE IT.
OF COURSE, THIS LITTLE GIRL
HERE HELPED MAKE ME WHAT I AM.
UH, NO, NO. TED, YOU'VE
DONE IT ALL BY YOURSELF.
- WELL...
- [Mary] AH, MR. GRANT.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY
FATHER, WALTER RICHARDS.
DADDY, THIS IS LOU GRANT.
SO, YOU'RE MARY'S BOSS.
YEAH. AND YOU'RE MARY'S FATHER.
WELL, THEN, SHALL WE GO?
MY, MY. IT ISN'T EVERY DAY I GET TO
HAVE LUNCH WITH MY TWO FAVORITE MEN.
OH.
HOW COME THEY DIDN'T INVITE ME?
BECAUSE MARY'S LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
HER FATHER COULD ENJOY BEING WITH.
OH. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.
- OH, HI, MARY!
- HI! RAYETTE.
I'D LIKE A VODKA MARTINI. WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO DRINK, MARY?
GOSH, I GOT A LOT OF WORK
TO DO THIS AFTERNOON.
IF I HAVE A DRINK, I
WON'T BE MUCH GOOD.
IF I DON'T HAVE A DRINK,
I WON'T BE ANY GOOD.
WELL, I'LL HAVE A BLOODY
MARY, BUT WITHOUT THE VODKA.
YOU KNOW THE VODKA YOU'RE
LEAVING OUT OF HER DRINK?
YEAH? PUT IT IN MINE.
DADDY, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I'LL PASS. YOU SURE?
YEAH, BE SURE, BECAUSE
I HATE MAKING TWO TRIPS.
- NOTHING, THANK YOU.
- DADDY, YOU USED TO HAVE
A DRINK NOW AND THEN.
THAT WAS BEFORE ALL THE EVIDENCE
WAS IN ABOUT WHAT IT DOES TO YOU.
YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE THINK
THAT ALCOHOL IS A RELAXANT.
IT'S ACTUALLY A DEPRESSANT.
I ENJOY GETTING A LITTLE
DEPRESSED NOW AND THEN.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
I LIKE TO GO OUT AND
GET STINKING GLOOMY.
YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT IF
YOU SAW THE LIVER OF A MAN...
WHO DRANK A PINT
OF LIQUOR A DAY.
I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE TO SEE THE LIVER
OF A MAN WHO DRANK A PINT OF MILK A DAY.
[Giggling]
YOU KNOW, JUST... I WOULDN'T
WANT TO SEE ANYONE'S LIVER.
SO...
HERE I AM, HAVING LUNCH
WITH MY TWO FAVORITE MEN.
DADDY, MR. GRANT'S A TERRIFIC
FISHERMAN. YOU LOVE TO FISH, DON'T YOU?
- WHERE'D YOU GET THAT IDEA?
- OH, I JUST... I JUST, UH,
HAD THAT IDEA.
YOU KNOW, MR. GRANT,
MY DAD'S A GREAT GOLFER?
OH? I LOVE GOLF. YEAH.
WELL, THEN WHY DON'T YOU TWO
GET TOGETHER, PLAY A LITTLE GOLF?
OH, I DON'T PLAY IT.
I WATCH IT... ON TV.
LITTLE TOO MUCH EXERCISE FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, MR. GRANT,
EXERCISE IS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT...
FOR MEN OUR AGE.
I ALWAYS TELL MY PATIENTS...
THAT IS, I USED TO
TELL MY PATIENTS...
THAT, UH, CARRYING AROUND A
LOT OF EXTRA WEIGHT LIKE THAT...
PUTS A GREAT STRAIN ON
THE OLD, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT.
[Sighs]
THE OLD BUG?
NO, HEART.
I-IT'S A PIN. MY FATHER MADE
IT FOR ME. IT'S A LITTLE HEART.
OH. CUTE.
- OKAY. YOU READY TO ORDER?
- UH, NOBODY WANTS LIVER.
MARY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I'LL JUST HAVE THE DIET PLATE.
GOOD FOR YOU, MARY.
I'LL HAVE THE SAME.
I'LL HAVE THE VEAL
PARMESAN, WITH SPAGHETTI,
AND AN ORDER OF GARLIC
TOAST, WITH LOTS OF BUTTER.
AND ANOTHER DRINK. RIGHT.
WELL, HERE I AM, HAVING LUNCH...
WITH MY TWO FAVORITE...
I KEEP SAYING THAT, DON'T I?
HEY, GUESS WHAT.
I HAPPEN TO HAVE A COUPLE OF
FREE TICKETS TO TONIGHT'S BALL GAME.
- YOU DIDN'T GET 'EM FROM ED
THE SPORTSCASTER, DID YOU?
- OH, NO, MR. GRANT.
I DID NOT. GOOD.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GREAT
SEATS, RIGHT BEHIND SECOND BASE.
THOSE ARE...
THAT WOULD PUT
THEM IN CENTER FIELD.
NO KIDDING. I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY WERE THAT GOOD.
SO, IF YOU GUYS ARE INTERESTED?
UH, NO, THANKS, MARY. I THINK
I'M GONNA BE BUSY TONIGHT.
- NO, MR. GRANT...
- SO AM I, DEAR.
RAYETTE, WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE
OF TICKETS TO TONIGHT'S BALL GAME?
OH, NO, THANK YOU. I GET ALL THE FREE
TICKETS I NEED FROM ED THE SPORTSCASTER.
- OOH!
- NOW, MOM, JUST BE PATIENT.
IT TAKES A LITTLE TIME. OH,
YOU SOUND JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.
SHE WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO TEACH ME TO
DO THIS. I COULD NEVER GET THE HANG OF IT.
MAYBE NEEDLEPOINT SKIPS
EVERY OTHER GENERATION.
OH, YOUR GRANDMOTHER
USED TO DO BEAUTIFUL WORK.
REMEMBER THAT LOVELY
SAMPLER SHE EMBROIDERED
FOR YOUR GRANDFATHER'S
RESTAURANT?
"WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO
REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE."
LISTEN, MOM, YOU
KNOW, I WAS THINKING.
UM, I'D LIKE TO HAVE DADDY
FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
THAT'S FINE, HONEY.
WE CAN MAKE IT.
I'M TRYING TO THINK NOW OF HOW TO
EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU BEFORE I SAY IT,
BECAUSE IF I DON'T, YOU MIGHT TAKE
IT THE WRONG WAY AND GET UPSET.
YOU CAN TELL ME,
'CAUSE I DON'T GET UPSET.
WELL, OKAY. I DON'T WANT TO
HAVE YOU AND DADDY FOR DINNER.
I WANT TO HAVE DADDY ALONE.
WELL, SEE, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND
A FRIEND FOR DADDY ALL THIS TIME,
AND I THINK, MAYBE, IT'S BECAUSE
I'M AFRAID TO BE HIS FRIEND MYSELF.
YOU KNOW?
SO, UH, LISTEN. I'LL
TELL YOU WHAT, MOM.
HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO. I'LL HAVE DADDY
FOR DINNER ALONE TOMORROW NIGHT,
AND THEN YOU AND I WILL HAVE
DINNER ALONE ON, UH, THURSDAY.
HOW'S THAT?
WAS THAT A NOD, MOM?
THEN YOU'RE COMING. TERRIFIC.
MURRAY, HOW DOES
THIS MENU SOUND TO YOU?
SHRIMP COCKTAIL, SALAD,
STUFFED SQUAB WITH ORANGE SAUCE,
WILD RICE AND GLAZED CARROTS.
TERRIFIC. MUST BE A SPECIAL GUY.
YEAH, IT IS. MY FATHER. HE'S COMING
TO DINNER ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
BEFORE YOU GET
TO THE PETIT FOURS,
HAVE YOU GOT THE STUFF
ON THE HENDERSON TRIAL?
OH. YES, SIR. RIGHT
HERE. THANK YOU.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE GLAZED
CARROTS. NEITHER DO I.
OKAY. MAKE IT GREEN BEANS.
TED?
- HI, GUYS.
- TED, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIND
OUT. I JUST CAME BACK FROM MY PHYSICAL.
WAIT A SECOND.
IT'S COMING TO ME.
IT'S DISGUSTING, BUT
IT'S COMING TO ME.
OLD CLOTHES, NEEDS A
SHAVE, BACK PAINS. I'VE GOT IT.
TED, YOU WENT TO THE FREE CLINIC
FOR YOUR PHYSICAL, DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, I HAD
TO WAIT THREE HOURS?
ALL THEY DID WAS TELL ME I DIDN'T HAVE
A DRUG PROBLEM OR A SOCIAL DISEASE.
TED, THAT'S A TACKY THING TO DO!
- WHY? WE PAY FOR IT
WITH OUR TAXES.
- NO, WE DON'T.
IT'S PAID FOR BY
PRIVATE DONATIONS.
OH. WELL, I GAVE MONEY TO
SOMEONE ON THE STREET ONCE.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN FOR THAT.
UM, THANKS.
IT'S, UH... IT'S NICE, HAVING
YOUR FATHER TO DINNER.
I LIKE IT.
MR. GRANT, DO YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE
MAKING CONVERSATION WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS?
NAH. WELL, MAYBE AT FIRST.
BUT WE ALWAYS END UP
TALKING THE NIGHT AWAY.
- WHAT KIND OF STUFF
DO YOU TALK ABOUT?
- MY GRANDCHILDREN.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ENOUGH TIME FOR THAT.
TED, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.
HIYA, DOTTIE! HI.
- HEY. WE REALLY LOOK GREAT.
- YEAH. [Laughs]
WELL, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST
GONNA BE US GIRLS TONIGHT.
YEAH. LISTEN, I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE
A COUPLE OF DRINKS, DINNER, SEE A MOVIE.
OH, TERRIFIC. WHERE? HOW
'BOUT ON A PLANE TO PARIS?
OH!
- WHERE'S DADDY?
- OH, HE'S DOWNSTAIRS PARKING.
HE'LL BE RIGHT UP.
SAY, UM, RHODA,
COULD I MEET YOU UPSTAIRS
IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES?
AFTER I TALK TO MARY?
OH! I GET IT. OH, I AM QUICK.
YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE, RIGHT?
[Door Closes]
WHAT'D YOU WANT
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
WELL, HONEY, I'M JUST AFRAID IT'S
GONNA BE SO HARD FOR YOU TONIGHT.
OH, GOSH, I WISH THERE
WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO...
TO MAKE IT A WONDERFUL,
FUN EVENING FOR BOTH OF YOU.
I'VE GOT IT. I'LL STAY.
LISTEN, MOM, WE'LL BE JUST FINE.
WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
AWFUL QUIET AROUND HERE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER'S
NOT A TALKATIVE MAN.
WE'LL TALK. OH, I'D
LIKE TO SEE THAT.
OH, COME ON. YOU'VE BEEN
TALKING TO HIM FOR YEARS.
IT JUST NEVER BOTHERS ME
WHEN HE DOESN'T ANSWER.
HI, MARY. HI, DADDY.
WELL, GUESS I JUST
BETTER GET GOING.
- HAVE A NICE TIME, YOU TWO.
- YOU TOO, MOM.
RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, DOTTIE.
GOOD-BYE, DEAR.
AREN'T YOU GONNA STAY?
SHE WON'T LET ME.
- DON'T FORGET
TO TAKE YOUR PILL.
- [Both] I WON'T.
WELL, DADDY, THIS IS TERRIFIC, HAVING
A WHOLE EVENING TO SPEND WITH YOU.
UH-HUH.
WHAT'S THIS, UH...
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
OH, NOTHING SPECIAL.
IT'S JUST THAT I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE NICE
IF YOU AND I SPENT SOME
TIME TOGETHER ALONE.
WE DON'T OFTEN GET
A CHANCE TO DO THAT,
AND SO I JUST THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE NICE TO, UH, DO THAT.
OH?
SO, WHY DON'T WE SIT DOWN?
HERE'S SOME TOMATO
JUICE AND GUACAMOLE.
THAT'S... THAT'S
MEXICAN, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, IT IS. HOW
DO YOU MAKE THAT?
WELL, FIRST YOU TAKE AN AVOCADO,
AND YOU MASH IT UP REAL FINE.
YOU...
HEY, DAD, YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED
IN HOW I MAKE GUACAMOLE.
- YES, YES. YES, I AM.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT
TO MAKE CONVERSATION.
WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT
GUACAMOLE TO MAKE CONVERSATION.
WE'VE GOT LOTS TO TALK ABOUT.
OKAY.
ONLY NOW THAT WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT HAVING LOTS TO TALK ABOUT,
WE'RE GONNA BE CONSCIOUS
OF EVERY LITTLE SILENCE.
LIKE THAT ONE. I WASN'T
AWARE OF THAT ONE.
I'M AWARE OF THIS ONE. RIGHT.
SO COME ON. LET'S
JUST TALK, OKAY? OKAY.
OH! GUESS WHO I RAN INTO
THE OTHER DAY. BOBBY MORGAN.
NO KIDDING. YEAH, I DID.
WHO'S BOBBY MORGAN?
DAD, YOU REMEMBER. HE'S THE BOY I WENT
WITH WHEN I WAS A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL.
DAD, YOU REMEMBER YOU AND MOM CAME HOME
EARLY ONE NIGHT, YOU FOUND BOBBY AND ME...
WITH THE LIGHTS OUT.
I NEVER TRUSTED THAT KID.
HE'S A PRIEST NOW.
I NEVER TRUSTED THAT PRIEST.
DAD, COME ON. HE WAS SENIOR
CLASS PRESIDENT, VALEDICTORIAN.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
YEAH, WELL, HE WAS.
IF YOU'D COME TO MY GRADUATION,
YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT.
HE GAVE THE FAREWELL SPEECH.
ARE YOU MAD BECAUSE I, UH,
DIDN'T HEAR HIS FAREWELL SPEECH?
[Chuckling] NO. NO.
I'M MAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T
HEAR THE CLASS POEM I WROTE.
OH, MARY, I COULDN'T HELP THAT.
I KNOW. I KNOW. YOU HAD TO DO
THAT GALL-BLADDER OPERATION.
OH, NO. NO, IT WASN'T
A GALL BLADDER.
THAT WAS A TONSILLECTOMY.
YOU MISSED MY GRADUATION
FOR A TONSILLECTOMY?
MOM TOLD ME IT WAS AN
EMERGENCY GALL-BLADDER THING,
YOU KNOW, WHICH I COULD
SEE, BUT A TONSILLECTOMY?
YEAH, BUT HE-HE
HAD ADENOIDS TOO.
BESIDES, I THOUGHT I COULD
MAKE IT, BUT ONCE I GOT IN THERE,
I GOT HELD UP.
GEE, I WORKED FOR MONTHS
ON THAT POEM, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT
IT WAS, UH, PRETTY GOOD.
SO DID I.
OH, COME ON, DAD.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN HEAR IT.
OH?
"SO HERE'S TO THE
HALLS OF WISDOM,
"TO WHICH WE SAY GOOD-BYE.
WE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN,
SO FAREWELL, ROSEBURG HIGH."
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I WAS LISTENING OUTSIDE YOUR
DOOR WHEN YOU WERE PRACTICING.
- DID YOU LIKE IT?
- I REMEMBERED IT, DIDN'T I?
WELL, WHY'D YOU WAIT TILL NOW TO SAY
SOMETHING? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THEN?
OW! WHAT HAPPENED?
NOTHING. I JUST CUT MYSELF.
IT'S OKAY. IT'S A TINY ONE.
COME ON. LET ME LOOK AT IT. NO.
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL, YOU
WOULDN'T LET ME LOOK WHEN YOU CUT YOURSELF.
I WAS ALWAYS AFRAID
YOU'D STITCH IT UP.
COME ON.
YOU DON'T CRY WHEN YOU
CUT YOUR FINGER ANYMORE?
NO.
WHAT DOES MAKE YOU CRY?
OH, MOSTLY DUMB THINGS.
GOT ANY BANDAGES?
YEAH, I KEEP A FEW IN HERE.
I CUT MYSELF A LOT.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER COULD
HANDLE THESE THINGS.
HERE.
MARY?
ARE YOU EVER LONELY?
NO, NOT TOO OFTEN, DADDY.
I HAVE A GOOD LIFE.
I'M GLAD...
BECAUSE...
I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR GRADUATION,
ANYTHING ELSE I MISSED.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
WELL, IT ISN'T ALWAYS DUMB
THINGS THAT MAKE ME CRY.
[Sighs] THERE. THAT
SHOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
BE CAREFUL HOW
YOU HANDLE KNIVES.
HEY, DADDY? HMM?
YOU BANDAGED THE WRONG FINGER.
[Rhoda, Knocking]
MARY? YOU STILL UP?
YEAH. COME ON IN.
WELL, HOW WAS YOUR
DATE WITH YOUR FATHER?
IT WAS WONDERFUL. OH, GOOD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING? MY
DAD IS REALLY A GOOD GUY.
HOW WAS YOUR DATE WITH
MY MOTHER? FANTASTIC.
WE WENT TO A SINGLES BAR.
MY MOTHER WENT TO A SINGLES BAR?
YEAH. SHE PASSED,
HAD A GREAT TIME.
AND I MET, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN
MY LIFE IN ONE OF THOSE PLACES,
AN ACTUAL NICE GUY.
- INTELLIGENT, SINCERE.
- OH, RHODA! REALLY?
OH, YEAH. GUESS WHAT. HE
WORKS WITH YOU AT THE STATION.
- YOU'RE KIDDING. WHO?
- HIS NAME'S ED. HE'S A SPORTSCASTER.
- WHAT?
- RHODA, COME HERE AND SIT DOWN.
I GOTTA EXPLAIN TO
YOU THE FACTS OF ED.
[Mews]
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪
♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪
♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪
♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪
♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪
[Knocking] COMING!
HI... THERE.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU'D BE SO
THRILLED TO SEE ME. COME ON IN.
I WAS ABOUT TO GO INTO TWO
CHORUSES OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" TO YOU.
JUST GOT TWO QUESTIONS
FOR YOU, MAR... DO YOU
HAVE ANY ASPIRIN, AND
WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT?
SURE, UH, AND MY MOTHER'S.
IN THE MEDICINE CABINET, RIGHT?
RIGHT. I'M TAKING MY MOTHER AND FATHER
TO EMILIO'S FOR DINNER TO CELEBRATE.
OH, THAT'S NICE! HMM.
HEY, WHERE IS IT? OVER
ON NICOLETTE AVENUE.
NO, THE ASPIRIN. OH.
UPPER LEFT-HAND CORNER.
OH, YEAH, YEAH. I SEE IT.
BOY, MARY, YOU ARE REALLY WELL
ORGANIZED. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO KEEPS
HER MEDICINE CABINET IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.
[Knocking]
HI, MOM! OH!
OH! OH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AH, THANK YOU,
HONEY. HIYA, FOLKS.
HI, RHODA. DOTTIE,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, YOU
CERTAINLY DON'T LOOK IT. OH, MWAH.
DAD, THAT IS SOME
GORGEOUS TIE. OH, THANK YOU.
- YOUR MOTHER
JUST GAVE IT TO ME.
- ON HER BIRTHDAY?
WELL, SEE, I BOUGHT MYSELF SO MANY
GIFTS, I THOUGHT HE OUGHTA GET SOMETHING.
COME ON IN. SIT DOWN
FOR A MINUTE. FINE.
OH! DAD, BEFORE I FORGET,
I GOT THIS FOR YOU. HUH?
I THOUGHT YOU'D GET A
KICK OUT OF IT. WHAT IS IT?
- THEY CLAIM IT'S THE WORLD'S
HARDEST JIGSAW PUZZLE.
- OH!
IT'S SUPPOSED TO TAKE
FIVE YEARS. OH, GREAT.
DOTTIE, IT LOOKS LIKE WE DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE THAT TRIP TO EUROPE NOW.
NOW, HONEY, WE CAN DO BOTH. SEE, I TOLD YOU
THERE WERE GOOD THINGS ABOUT RETIREMENT.
OH, MARY, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I MADE YOU A PRESENT...
WITH THE LAST
PRESENT YOU GAVE ME.
- THAT LITTLE
JEWELRY-MAKING KIT.
- OH, YES!
OH, AND HE MADE ME THE CUTEST
LITTLE PIN. IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
- IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH,
HOW COME YOU NEVER WEAR IT?
- WHERE IS THAT LITTLE DEVIL?
WHAT DID HE MAKE
FOR YOU? A LITTLE DEVIL.
OH. OH!
OH, ISN'T THIS, UH, TERRIFIC!
YEAH, MAR. THAT
REALLY IS SOMETHING.
- WHAT IS IT?
- A HEART.
AREN'T HEARTS USUALLY,
UH, HEART-SHAPED?
- THAT IS HEART-SHAPED.
- RHODA, WALTER WAS A SURGEON.
THAT'S HEART-SHAPED.
SEE, UM... YEAH.
SEE THOSE LITTLE BLUE
THINGS? THOSE ARE THE
VEINS, AND THAT RED
THING IS THE ARTERIES.
WELL, UH, DAD, WHAT'S
THIS LITTLE GREEN THING?
OH, THAT'S WHERE I RAN
OUT OF LITTLE BLUE THINGS.
SAY, IT'LL LOOK GREAT WITH
THAT DRESS YOU'VE GOT ON.
OH. WELL, THEN I'LL WEAR IT.
THANK YOU, DAD. OH. JUST A PIN.
HEY, WHAT IS THIS, SOME
PROTESTANT CUSTOM?
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, AND
EVERYBODY'S GOTTEN A GIFT BUT YOU.
I AM WEARING MY
GIFT FROM WALT. TA-DA!
OH, THAT IS SHARP.
OH, IS THAT WHAT I
GOT YOU THIS YEAR?
MY TASTE IS IMPROVING. I HATED
THE ONE I GAVE YOU LAST YEAR.
WELL, I LOVE THEM BOTH, AND THANK
YOU, SWEETHEART. OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
NOW THAT I'M UP, I'M
GONNA GO WASH MY HANDS.
THAT BANNISTER OF
YOURS IS STILL DIRTY.
GEE, DAD, YOUR HANDS DON'T
LOOK DIRTY. I KNOW, BUT I CAN FEEL IT.
I NEVER THOUGHT
I WOULD SAY THIS,
BUT YOUR FATHER'S DRIVING
ME RIGHT UP THE WALL.
OH, HONEY, RETIREMENT
REALLY DOESN'T AGREE WITH HIM.
HE'S STILL HAVING A HARD
TIME FINDING THINGS TO DO?
LAST WEEK HE MUST HAVE TAKEN MY
TEMPERATURE AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES.
OH, MOM, I THINK
THAT'S KIND OF SWEET.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT,
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE SEEMED SO
DISAPPOINTED WHEN IT WAS NORMAL.
WELL, READY TO GO?
YEAH, SURE. ALL SET.
RHODA, HONEY, WE'D LOVE IT IF
YOU COULD JOIN US FOR DINNER.
WELL, I AM DRESSED FOR IT,
BUT I GOT THIS HEADACHE
AND SORT OF A SORE THROAT.
OH? WHAT? YEAH.
OH, YES, YES. YOU GO
RIGHT UP AND GO TO BED.
I'LL GO DOWN TO THE CAR AND GET
MY BAG. I WANT TO GIVE YOU A SHOT.
NOW, PLEASE, DOC, NO. I DON'T
WANT YOU TO GO TO ANY TROUBLE.
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'D LIKE
TO FEEL USEFUL AROUND HERE.
RHODA, IF HE WANTS TO TAKE
OUT YOUR APPENDIX, DON'T LET HIM.
NEVER ON A FIRST DATE.
[Knocking] WHO IS IT?
IT'S ME. OH, COME ON IN, MAR.
HIYA, KID. HI.
SIT DOWN, IF YOU
CAN FIND A PLACE.
I WAS JUST FINISHING UP THIS TEST IN
HERE CALLED "HOW HONEST ARE YOU?"
HMM. PRETTY GOOD. GOT A 95.
COURSE, I CHEATED A LITTLE.
WELL, I THOUGHT I'D JUST COME
UP AND TRY TO CHEER YOU UP.
GEE, THAT'S NICE OF
YOU, KID. THANKS A LOT.
[Sighs]
WELL, WHEN DOES THIS
CHEERING UP START?
I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT AT DINNER.
WHAT? SOMETHING GO WRONG?
MY MOTHER AND I WERE
TALKING ABOUT DRAPES,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
MY FATHER JOINED IN.
- SO?
- HE NEVER CARED
ABOUT DRAPES BEFORE.
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK HE
EVEN KNEW WE HAD DRAPES.
HE WAS ALWAYS OUT FIGHTING
AN EPIDEMIC OR SOMETHING.
NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S
TALKING ABOUT DRAPES. IT'S JUST SAD.
I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SOME TEA.
IT'LL BE NICE.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
AH, TERRIFIC TEA BAG.
CAME WITH THE APARTMENT.
LISTEN, MARY, DOESN'T YOUR
FATHER HAVE ANY HOBBIES,
BESIDES MAKING MIDGET HEARTS?
- WELL, GOLF.
- WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
RHODA, YOU NEED SOMEBODY
TO PLAY GOLF WITH. YEAH.
THEY ONLY MOVED HERE THREE WEEKS
AGO. HE HASN'T MADE ANY FRIENDS YET.
MY MOTHER JOINED ONE OF PHYLLIS'S CLUBS
RIGHT AWAY, AND, OF COURSE, SHE HAS ME,
BUT, BOY, IN THIS TOWN IT ISN'T
EASY TO FIND A MAN TO HAVE FUN WITH.
YOU'RE TELLING ME?
MR. GRANT, CAN I
GET YOUR SIGNATURE?
AND, UH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING FOR LUNCH TODAY?
HOW MANY GUESSES DO I GET?
OKAY, UH, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
LUNCH WITH MY FATHER AND ME.
AM I?
HE'S A SURGEON,
RIGHT? YES, HE IS.
YEAH. I USED TO GO
FISHING WITH A SURGEON.
BOY, COULD THAT
MAN CLEAN A FISH.
COURSE, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE HE
HAD A TENDENCY TO TRY AND SAVE ONE.
OKAY.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A HEART.
IT DOESN'T BEAT OR
ANYTHING, DOES IT?
IT'S A LITTLE PIN. MY
FATHER MADE IT FOR ME.
HE'S COMING TO LUNCH TODAY.
I'M HOPING HE AND MR. GRANT
WILL BECOME FRIENDS.
WELL, WHEN A MAN IS OVER 40, HE
DOESN'T LIKE TO BE TOLD WHO TO PLAY WITH.
I HOPE THEY HIT IT OFF. I PAID OVER $12
FOR A COUPLE OF TICKETS TO THE BALL GAME.
WHAT DID YOU PAY FOR THEM FOR? ED THE
SPORTSCASTER ALWAYS HAS THEM FOR FREE.
NO, NO, NO. IF YOU'RE A WOMAN,
WITH ED, THEY'RE NOT REALLY FOR FREE.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE
GUYS? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
STATION'S CHEAP OLD HEALTH PLAN
WON'T PAY FOR MY ANNUAL TUNE-UP.
TUNE-UP? I MEANT MY CHECKUP.
OH, GOOD.
FOR A MINUTE I HAD A PICTURE OF
YOU UP THERE ON THE LUBE RACK.
- MARY?
- AH, DADDY, HI!
HI, DARLIN'. DADDY,
UH, THIS IS TED BAXTER.
OH? YOU'VE SEEN HIM DO THE NEWS.
I CERTAINLY HAVE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. VERY NICE OF
YOU TO SAY THAT. I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE IT.
OF COURSE, THIS LITTLE GIRL
HERE HELPED MAKE ME WHAT I AM.
UH, NO, NO. TED, YOU'VE
DONE IT ALL BY YOURSELF.
- WELL...
- [Mary] AH, MR. GRANT.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY
FATHER, WALTER RICHARDS.
DADDY, THIS IS LOU GRANT.
SO, YOU'RE MARY'S BOSS.
YEAH. AND YOU'RE MARY'S FATHER.
WELL, THEN, SHALL WE GO?
MY, MY. IT ISN'T EVERY DAY I GET TO
HAVE LUNCH WITH MY TWO FAVORITE MEN.
OH.
HOW COME THEY DIDN'T INVITE ME?
BECAUSE MARY'S LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
HER FATHER COULD ENJOY BEING WITH.
OH. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.
- OH, HI, MARY!
- HI! RAYETTE.
I'D LIKE A VODKA MARTINI. WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO DRINK, MARY?
GOSH, I GOT A LOT OF WORK
TO DO THIS AFTERNOON.
IF I HAVE A DRINK, I
WON'T BE MUCH GOOD.
IF I DON'T HAVE A DRINK,
I WON'T BE ANY GOOD.
WELL, I'LL HAVE A BLOODY
MARY, BUT WITHOUT THE VODKA.
YOU KNOW THE VODKA YOU'RE
LEAVING OUT OF HER DRINK?
YEAH? PUT IT IN MINE.
DADDY, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I'LL PASS. YOU SURE?
YEAH, BE SURE, BECAUSE
I HATE MAKING TWO TRIPS.
- NOTHING, THANK YOU.
- DADDY, YOU USED TO HAVE
A DRINK NOW AND THEN.
THAT WAS BEFORE ALL THE EVIDENCE
WAS IN ABOUT WHAT IT DOES TO YOU.
YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE THINK
THAT ALCOHOL IS A RELAXANT.
IT'S ACTUALLY A DEPRESSANT.
I ENJOY GETTING A LITTLE
DEPRESSED NOW AND THEN.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
I LIKE TO GO OUT AND
GET STINKING GLOOMY.
YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT IF
YOU SAW THE LIVER OF A MAN...
WHO DRANK A PINT
OF LIQUOR A DAY.
I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE TO SEE THE LIVER
OF A MAN WHO DRANK A PINT OF MILK A DAY.
[Giggling]
YOU KNOW, JUST... I WOULDN'T
WANT TO SEE ANYONE'S LIVER.
SO...
HERE I AM, HAVING LUNCH
WITH MY TWO FAVORITE MEN.
DADDY, MR. GRANT'S A TERRIFIC
FISHERMAN. YOU LOVE TO FISH, DON'T YOU?
- WHERE'D YOU GET THAT IDEA?
- OH, I JUST... I JUST, UH,
HAD THAT IDEA.
YOU KNOW, MR. GRANT,
MY DAD'S A GREAT GOLFER?
OH? I LOVE GOLF. YEAH.
WELL, THEN WHY DON'T YOU TWO
GET TOGETHER, PLAY A LITTLE GOLF?
OH, I DON'T PLAY IT.
I WATCH IT... ON TV.
LITTLE TOO MUCH EXERCISE FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, MR. GRANT,
EXERCISE IS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT...
FOR MEN OUR AGE.
I ALWAYS TELL MY PATIENTS...
THAT IS, I USED TO
TELL MY PATIENTS...
THAT, UH, CARRYING AROUND A
LOT OF EXTRA WEIGHT LIKE THAT...
PUTS A GREAT STRAIN ON
THE OLD, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT.
[Sighs]
THE OLD BUG?
NO, HEART.
I-IT'S A PIN. MY FATHER MADE
IT FOR ME. IT'S A LITTLE HEART.
OH. CUTE.
- OKAY. YOU READY TO ORDER?
- UH, NOBODY WANTS LIVER.
MARY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I'LL JUST HAVE THE DIET PLATE.
GOOD FOR YOU, MARY.
I'LL HAVE THE SAME.
I'LL HAVE THE VEAL
PARMESAN, WITH SPAGHETTI,
AND AN ORDER OF GARLIC
TOAST, WITH LOTS OF BUTTER.
AND ANOTHER DRINK. RIGHT.
WELL, HERE I AM, HAVING LUNCH...
WITH MY TWO FAVORITE...
I KEEP SAYING THAT, DON'T I?
HEY, GUESS WHAT.
I HAPPEN TO HAVE A COUPLE OF
FREE TICKETS TO TONIGHT'S BALL GAME.
- YOU DIDN'T GET 'EM FROM ED
THE SPORTSCASTER, DID YOU?
- OH, NO, MR. GRANT.
I DID NOT. GOOD.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GREAT
SEATS, RIGHT BEHIND SECOND BASE.
THOSE ARE...
THAT WOULD PUT
THEM IN CENTER FIELD.
NO KIDDING. I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY WERE THAT GOOD.
SO, IF YOU GUYS ARE INTERESTED?
UH, NO, THANKS, MARY. I THINK
I'M GONNA BE BUSY TONIGHT.
- NO, MR. GRANT...
- SO AM I, DEAR.
RAYETTE, WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE
OF TICKETS TO TONIGHT'S BALL GAME?
OH, NO, THANK YOU. I GET ALL THE FREE
TICKETS I NEED FROM ED THE SPORTSCASTER.
- OOH!
- NOW, MOM, JUST BE PATIENT.
IT TAKES A LITTLE TIME. OH,
YOU SOUND JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.
SHE WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO TEACH ME TO
DO THIS. I COULD NEVER GET THE HANG OF IT.
MAYBE NEEDLEPOINT SKIPS
EVERY OTHER GENERATION.
OH, YOUR GRANDMOTHER
USED TO DO BEAUTIFUL WORK.
REMEMBER THAT LOVELY
SAMPLER SHE EMBROIDERED
FOR YOUR GRANDFATHER'S
RESTAURANT?
"WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO
REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE."
LISTEN, MOM, YOU
KNOW, I WAS THINKING.
UM, I'D LIKE TO HAVE DADDY
FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
THAT'S FINE, HONEY.
WE CAN MAKE IT.
I'M TRYING TO THINK NOW OF HOW TO
EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU BEFORE I SAY IT,
BECAUSE IF I DON'T, YOU MIGHT TAKE
IT THE WRONG WAY AND GET UPSET.
YOU CAN TELL ME,
'CAUSE I DON'T GET UPSET.
WELL, OKAY. I DON'T WANT TO
HAVE YOU AND DADDY FOR DINNER.
I WANT TO HAVE DADDY ALONE.
WELL, SEE, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND
A FRIEND FOR DADDY ALL THIS TIME,
AND I THINK, MAYBE, IT'S BECAUSE
I'M AFRAID TO BE HIS FRIEND MYSELF.
YOU KNOW?
SO, UH, LISTEN. I'LL
TELL YOU WHAT, MOM.
HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO. I'LL HAVE DADDY
FOR DINNER ALONE TOMORROW NIGHT,
AND THEN YOU AND I WILL HAVE
DINNER ALONE ON, UH, THURSDAY.
HOW'S THAT?
WAS THAT A NOD, MOM?
THEN YOU'RE COMING. TERRIFIC.
MURRAY, HOW DOES
THIS MENU SOUND TO YOU?
SHRIMP COCKTAIL, SALAD,
STUFFED SQUAB WITH ORANGE SAUCE,
WILD RICE AND GLAZED CARROTS.
TERRIFIC. MUST BE A SPECIAL GUY.
YEAH, IT IS. MY FATHER. HE'S COMING
TO DINNER ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
BEFORE YOU GET
TO THE PETIT FOURS,
HAVE YOU GOT THE STUFF
ON THE HENDERSON TRIAL?
OH. YES, SIR. RIGHT
HERE. THANK YOU.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE GLAZED
CARROTS. NEITHER DO I.
OKAY. MAKE IT GREEN BEANS.
TED?
- HI, GUYS.
- TED, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIND
OUT. I JUST CAME BACK FROM MY PHYSICAL.
WAIT A SECOND.
IT'S COMING TO ME.
IT'S DISGUSTING, BUT
IT'S COMING TO ME.
OLD CLOTHES, NEEDS A
SHAVE, BACK PAINS. I'VE GOT IT.
TED, YOU WENT TO THE FREE CLINIC
FOR YOUR PHYSICAL, DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, I HAD
TO WAIT THREE HOURS?
ALL THEY DID WAS TELL ME I DIDN'T HAVE
A DRUG PROBLEM OR A SOCIAL DISEASE.
TED, THAT'S A TACKY THING TO DO!
- WHY? WE PAY FOR IT
WITH OUR TAXES.
- NO, WE DON'T.
IT'S PAID FOR BY
PRIVATE DONATIONS.
OH. WELL, I GAVE MONEY TO
SOMEONE ON THE STREET ONCE.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN FOR THAT.
UM, THANKS.
IT'S, UH... IT'S NICE, HAVING
YOUR FATHER TO DINNER.
I LIKE IT.
MR. GRANT, DO YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE
MAKING CONVERSATION WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS?
NAH. WELL, MAYBE AT FIRST.
BUT WE ALWAYS END UP
TALKING THE NIGHT AWAY.
- WHAT KIND OF STUFF
DO YOU TALK ABOUT?
- MY GRANDCHILDREN.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ENOUGH TIME FOR THAT.
TED, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.
HIYA, DOTTIE! HI.
- HEY. WE REALLY LOOK GREAT.
- YEAH. [Laughs]
WELL, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST
GONNA BE US GIRLS TONIGHT.
YEAH. LISTEN, I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE
A COUPLE OF DRINKS, DINNER, SEE A MOVIE.
OH, TERRIFIC. WHERE? HOW
'BOUT ON A PLANE TO PARIS?
OH!
- WHERE'S DADDY?
- OH, HE'S DOWNSTAIRS PARKING.
HE'LL BE RIGHT UP.
SAY, UM, RHODA,
COULD I MEET YOU UPSTAIRS
IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES?
AFTER I TALK TO MARY?
OH! I GET IT. OH, I AM QUICK.
YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE, RIGHT?
[Door Closes]
WHAT'D YOU WANT
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
WELL, HONEY, I'M JUST AFRAID IT'S
GONNA BE SO HARD FOR YOU TONIGHT.
OH, GOSH, I WISH THERE
WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO...
TO MAKE IT A WONDERFUL,
FUN EVENING FOR BOTH OF YOU.
I'VE GOT IT. I'LL STAY.
LISTEN, MOM, WE'LL BE JUST FINE.
WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
AWFUL QUIET AROUND HERE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER'S
NOT A TALKATIVE MAN.
WE'LL TALK. OH, I'D
LIKE TO SEE THAT.
OH, COME ON. YOU'VE BEEN
TALKING TO HIM FOR YEARS.
IT JUST NEVER BOTHERS ME
WHEN HE DOESN'T ANSWER.
HI, MARY. HI, DADDY.
WELL, GUESS I JUST
BETTER GET GOING.
- HAVE A NICE TIME, YOU TWO.
- YOU TOO, MOM.
RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, DOTTIE.
GOOD-BYE, DEAR.
AREN'T YOU GONNA STAY?
SHE WON'T LET ME.
- DON'T FORGET
TO TAKE YOUR PILL.
- [Both] I WON'T.
WELL, DADDY, THIS IS TERRIFIC, HAVING
A WHOLE EVENING TO SPEND WITH YOU.
UH-HUH.
WHAT'S THIS, UH...
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
OH, NOTHING SPECIAL.
IT'S JUST THAT I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE NICE
IF YOU AND I SPENT SOME
TIME TOGETHER ALONE.
WE DON'T OFTEN GET
A CHANCE TO DO THAT,
AND SO I JUST THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE NICE TO, UH, DO THAT.
OH?
SO, WHY DON'T WE SIT DOWN?
HERE'S SOME TOMATO
JUICE AND GUACAMOLE.
THAT'S... THAT'S
MEXICAN, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, IT IS. HOW
DO YOU MAKE THAT?
WELL, FIRST YOU TAKE AN AVOCADO,
AND YOU MASH IT UP REAL FINE.
YOU...
HEY, DAD, YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED
IN HOW I MAKE GUACAMOLE.
- YES, YES. YES, I AM.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT
TO MAKE CONVERSATION.
WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT
GUACAMOLE TO MAKE CONVERSATION.
WE'VE GOT LOTS TO TALK ABOUT.
OKAY.
ONLY NOW THAT WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT HAVING LOTS TO TALK ABOUT,
WE'RE GONNA BE CONSCIOUS
OF EVERY LITTLE SILENCE.
LIKE THAT ONE. I WASN'T
AWARE OF THAT ONE.
I'M AWARE OF THIS ONE. RIGHT.
SO COME ON. LET'S
JUST TALK, OKAY? OKAY.
OH! GUESS WHO I RAN INTO
THE OTHER DAY. BOBBY MORGAN.
NO KIDDING. YEAH, I DID.
WHO'S BOBBY MORGAN?
DAD, YOU REMEMBER. HE'S THE BOY I WENT
WITH WHEN I WAS A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL.
DAD, YOU REMEMBER YOU AND MOM CAME HOME
EARLY ONE NIGHT, YOU FOUND BOBBY AND ME...
WITH THE LIGHTS OUT.
I NEVER TRUSTED THAT KID.
HE'S A PRIEST NOW.
I NEVER TRUSTED THAT PRIEST.
DAD, COME ON. HE WAS SENIOR
CLASS PRESIDENT, VALEDICTORIAN.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
YEAH, WELL, HE WAS.
IF YOU'D COME TO MY GRADUATION,
YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT.
HE GAVE THE FAREWELL SPEECH.
ARE YOU MAD BECAUSE I, UH,
DIDN'T HEAR HIS FAREWELL SPEECH?
[Chuckling] NO. NO.
I'M MAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T
HEAR THE CLASS POEM I WROTE.
OH, MARY, I COULDN'T HELP THAT.
I KNOW. I KNOW. YOU HAD TO DO
THAT GALL-BLADDER OPERATION.
OH, NO. NO, IT WASN'T
A GALL BLADDER.
THAT WAS A TONSILLECTOMY.
YOU MISSED MY GRADUATION
FOR A TONSILLECTOMY?
MOM TOLD ME IT WAS AN
EMERGENCY GALL-BLADDER THING,
YOU KNOW, WHICH I COULD
SEE, BUT A TONSILLECTOMY?
YEAH, BUT HE-HE
HAD ADENOIDS TOO.
BESIDES, I THOUGHT I COULD
MAKE IT, BUT ONCE I GOT IN THERE,
I GOT HELD UP.
GEE, I WORKED FOR MONTHS
ON THAT POEM, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT
IT WAS, UH, PRETTY GOOD.
SO DID I.
OH, COME ON, DAD.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN HEAR IT.
OH?
"SO HERE'S TO THE
HALLS OF WISDOM,
"TO WHICH WE SAY GOOD-BYE.
WE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN,
SO FAREWELL, ROSEBURG HIGH."
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I WAS LISTENING OUTSIDE YOUR
DOOR WHEN YOU WERE PRACTICING.
- DID YOU LIKE IT?
- I REMEMBERED IT, DIDN'T I?
WELL, WHY'D YOU WAIT TILL NOW TO SAY
SOMETHING? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THEN?
OW! WHAT HAPPENED?
NOTHING. I JUST CUT MYSELF.
IT'S OKAY. IT'S A TINY ONE.
COME ON. LET ME LOOK AT IT. NO.
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL, YOU
WOULDN'T LET ME LOOK WHEN YOU CUT YOURSELF.
I WAS ALWAYS AFRAID
YOU'D STITCH IT UP.
COME ON.
YOU DON'T CRY WHEN YOU
CUT YOUR FINGER ANYMORE?
NO.
WHAT DOES MAKE YOU CRY?
OH, MOSTLY DUMB THINGS.
GOT ANY BANDAGES?
YEAH, I KEEP A FEW IN HERE.
I CUT MYSELF A LOT.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER COULD
HANDLE THESE THINGS.
HERE.
MARY?
ARE YOU EVER LONELY?
NO, NOT TOO OFTEN, DADDY.
I HAVE A GOOD LIFE.
I'M GLAD...
BECAUSE...
I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR GRADUATION,
ANYTHING ELSE I MISSED.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
WELL, IT ISN'T ALWAYS DUMB
THINGS THAT MAKE ME CRY.
[Sighs] THERE. THAT
SHOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
BE CAREFUL HOW
YOU HANDLE KNIVES.
HEY, DADDY? HMM?
YOU BANDAGED THE WRONG FINGER.
[Rhoda, Knocking]
MARY? YOU STILL UP?
YEAH. COME ON IN.
WELL, HOW WAS YOUR
DATE WITH YOUR FATHER?
IT WAS WONDERFUL. OH, GOOD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING? MY
DAD IS REALLY A GOOD GUY.
HOW WAS YOUR DATE WITH
MY MOTHER? FANTASTIC.
WE WENT TO A SINGLES BAR.
MY MOTHER WENT TO A SINGLES BAR?
YEAH. SHE PASSED,
HAD A GREAT TIME.
AND I MET, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN
MY LIFE IN ONE OF THOSE PLACES,
AN ACTUAL NICE GUY.
- INTELLIGENT, SINCERE.
- OH, RHODA! REALLY?
OH, YEAH. GUESS WHAT. HE
WORKS WITH YOU AT THE STATION.
- YOU'RE KIDDING. WHO?
- HIS NAME'S ED. HE'S A SPORTSCASTER.
- WHAT?
- RHODA, COME HERE AND SIT DOWN.
I GOTTA EXPLAIN TO
YOU THE FACTS OF ED.
[Mews]