Married (2014–2015): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript
BERNIE: Oh, Russ? Check it out.
- What do you think?
- RUSS: Costume party?
BERNIE: No, strip club. The
girls tend to work a little
harder when they think you're an MD.
- RUSS: I can see that.
- BERNIE: The material's very
- thin, very lap-dance friendly.
- RUSS: I never, uh, thought of
- you as a, uh, strip club guy.
- BERNIE: Oh, AJ invited me.
You should come.
You should come.
- RUSS: Oh, no, I can't.
Lina and I have a date night
tonight. [bell dings]
BERNIE: Oh, this kid.
You want me to handle this?
- I'm already scrubbed in.
- RUSS: No. No.
- What does this say?
- BERNIE: You should be wearing that, right?
RUSS: That's not the point.
Okay? It says manager.
How you doing? Can I help you?
TWEEN: Yeah.
Just, uh, here to pick up.
RUSS: Hey, where'd you get that bag?
TWEEN: This bomb-ass
surf shop in Venice.
- RUSS: Swick?
- TWEEN: You know it?
RUSS: Yeah.
Yeah, my old, my old
partner and I started that.
I actually designed that logo.
Put it on a longboard.
- It's kind of how it all started.
- TWEEN: Baller.
BERNIE: Yeah, he also
designed your middle school book
fair banner, which I think
you'll agree is equally baller.
RUSS: Yeah. I am super baller...
still.
1x08 - The Old Date
LINA: I can't believe
you actually planned a date.
RUSS: Yeah, what's the big deal?
LINA: 'Cause you
normally don't plan shit.
- RUSS [laughing]: Well...
- LINA: It's nice when you make an effort.
RUSS: I thought it
would be fun to, I don't
know, see the old
hood, do the old date...
- visit the shop.
- LINA: Are you feeling nostalgic?
- RUSS: Maybe. A little.
- LINA: Ah.
MAN: You know who you remind
me of? That's right... me.
- We both got the same cute little face.
- RUSS: Right. No, we do. Yeah.
- We definitely do.
- LINA: Have a good night.
RUSS: Thanks. Thanks.
LINA: Ah, I miss Venice.
RUSS: Yeah. That was
like looking in a mirror.
LINA: Let's go
check out the old shop.
BERNIE: I thought we
were going to a strip club.
- AJ: We are.
- BERNIE: Why are we at your
- ex-wife's house?
- AJ: Relax, this'll only take a minute.
[Roxanne gasps]
I'm so sorry for your loss.
ROXANNE: Do you really
think that this is a good idea?
- Honestly?
- AJ: I'm not here for you.
- I'm here for Jerry.
- ROXANNE: Sure you are.
Stop it.
- BERNIE: What are we doing here?
- AJ: Oh.
- Jerry's mom passed.
- BERNIE: Oh.
- AJ: Titty cancer.
- BERNIE: I, um... sorry.
It must be very hard to
lose the mother of the guy
who is boning your ex-wife.
How are you holding up?
AJ: Oh, not good. I heard
Esther was a really cool lady.
BERNIE: Well, it's a very adult decision
to come here and support
Roxanne and Jerry.
Let's continue to be adults and
go see some adult entertainment.
- Mm-hmm?
- AJ: Yeah, you're right.
- BERNIE: All right.
- AJ: But first I'm gonna have an adult beverage.
Oh, God, it's such a tragedy, huh?
Oh, I am walking for the cure this year.
[chuckles]
You better believe that, man.
LINA: Oh, my God. It's closed.
RUSS: Really? Wow, that
must've just happened.
Man, end of an era. Sad.
LINA: It is sad. We
had a lot of good times
- in there.
- RUSS: I know.
- LINA: I'm kind of relieved.
- RUSS: Why? What's that
- supposed to mean?
- LINA: I don't know.
I always felt like it was my
fault that we sold the place.
RUSS: We made the decision together.
LINA: I pushed you. Anyway,
you always wondered what
would've happened if we didn't sell.
Now, you know.
RUSS: Oh, wait. They're not closed.
They just moved.
- Right off Abbott Kinney.
- LINA: "Abbott Kinney"?
- They must be doing well.
- RUSS: "Come see our new
larger location." Unreal.
[laughs] I mean how much larger?
LINA: Should we check it out?
Can you handle it?
RUSS: Probably not.
Let's just go eat.
LINA: I mean, the beach is
great, but we never have to wait
- this long in the Valley.
- RUSS: Yeah, the Valley's so
- much better.
- LINA: You don't have to pay
- for parking in the Valley.
- RUSS: Thank God.
- CARLOS: Okay.
- LINA: Hey, look who it is!
- Hi, Carlos.
- CARLOS: Ah, so good to see you.
- RUSS: You don't remember us, do you?
- LINA: Honey?
CARLOS: Uh, uh... [groans]
I'm not good with names.
RUSS: Wow. Yeah. I just
thought you'd recognize us.
CARLOS: I apologize.
I see so many people.
Your waiter will be
with you shortly. Enjoy.
RUSS: We came in here once a
week for five years. You think
- the guy would remember us.
- LINA: This is gonna be a fun night.
RUSS: What's the deal
with this table by the way?
- Like, seriously?
- LINA: The table is fine.
RUSS: It's not fine. We should move.
LINA: They're already
gonna spit in our food.
You want to be upgraded to semen?
RUSS: When we used to come
in here, they used to sit
us by the window and now
we're, like, way in the back
- like minivans at a valet.
- LINA: Is this about the shop?
RUSS: No.
- LINA: You want to get the clams?
- RUSS: I just want to know how
- much square footage they have.
- LINA: Come on. Let's go.
- RUSS: What?
- LINA: We're gonna go to the
store. You're not gonna
stop thinking about it, so we
- might as well just go.
- RUSS: I don't care about seeing it.
LINA: Really? You don't care?
RUSS: I just, I bet they get
- a lot of foot traffic...
- LINA: You just want to rub my
- face in it... great! Let's go.
- RUSS: I don't want to rub
- your face in anything.
- LINA: We're going.
RUSS: We're not going anywhere.
- LINA: We're going!
- RUSS: I want to sit and eat.
LINA: I'm not eating until we go.
CARLOS: Now, I remember you.
Russ and Lina.
From the surf store!
Congratulations on the new location!
- LINA: Just say it.
- RUSS: What?
LINA: That I ruined your life.
- RUSS: It's not your fault.
- LINA: Yeah, it is.
- I made you sell it.
- RUSS: You were pregnant.
You weren't thinking straight.
Okay? Neither of us were.
LINA: Bruce was
being such an asshole.
We both wanted him out of our lives.
RUSS: Yeah. And now,
he's a rich asshole.
LINA: Schools are
better in the Valley.
- We had to do it.
- RUSS: Kids, schools.
We did the right thing.
- LINA: Let's go eat.
- RUSS: I just got to check one thing.
Holy shit.
This place is enormous.
Look at all this stuff.
- Where is my longboard?
- LINA: Which one?
RUSS: The one with my logo on it.
LINA: Oh, why would
Bruce take it down?
RUSS: I'll tell you why
Bruce would take it down.
- Because he wants to erase me.
- LINA: Uh, I don't think
that's true. Your logo's
on everything. Look.
RUSS: Nice that somebody's
making money off my design.
LINA: You know what?
Screw this place.
I need new sunglasses.
- How do I look?
- RUSS: You're still cute.
LINA: Hey, why don't
we, uh, get drunk and
go fool around on the
beach? That'll be fun.
- Aw...
- RUSS: All right.
- Let's go.
- LINA [quietly]: Hey.
[both chuckle]
LINA: I wasn't really
gonna steal the glasses.
- It was just a joke.
- DIRK: A joke?
- LINA AND RUSS: Yes.
- RUSS: Look, when we were
younger and broke and we
couldn't afford to go on dates,
- we would shoplift together.
- LINA: It was romantic.
[Dirk scoffs] You know?
- DIRK: I'm calling the police.
- LINA: Don't... No, no.
- RUSS: No!
- LINA: Don't do that, man.
- RUSS: Don't do that, okay?
- LINA: Just, that's not cool.
RUSS: We're friends
with Bruce, all right?
- DIRK: Who's Bruce?
- RUSS: Our old partner.
We used to own this
shop together with Bruce.
- LINA: The three of us.
- DIRK: Okay, I don't know
Bruce. Uh, this is, this place is owned
by Mertzman Outdoors.
- RUSS: What? Well, what happened to Bruce?
- Bruce got shot, man.
- RUSS: I'm sorry... what?!
- REPAIR MAN: Bruce got shot.
RUSS: Holy shit.
- Wow. Bruce is freakin' loaded.
- LINA: Well, I'm happy he's okay.
- RUSS: Bullshit.
- LINA: Shut up.
BRUCE: Hold on.
[bell dings]
RUSS: Hey.
BRUCE: What's up?
So, you two are still together,
huh? Didn't think
that was gonna last.
RUSS: Oh, yeah. No, it did.
- LINA: For now.
- RUSS: Yup. Every day's an adventure.
BRUCE: Yeah, I know
something about that.
BERNIE: Excuse me. Hey,
AJ, can we get out of here?
Old people are asking me
to look at their rashes.
- AJ: So, look.
- BERNIE: Oh, I've been looking
at them, but
it's time to go. Come on.
- Come on.
- AJ: No, no. Wait.
- BERNIE: No.
- AJ: Excuse me, everyone.
- May I have your attention?
- BERNIE: What are you doing?
AJ: Time to make the donuts.
Excuse me.
I would just like to
say a few words if I may.
ROXANNE: Would you
get him out of here?
BERNIE: I kind of want to
see where he's going with this.
AJ: I never met Esther. And I...
guess I never will.
But I do know Jerry.
And I understand something about loss.
For I, too, recently had
someone very dear taken from me.
[smacks lips] And the
hardest part is the not
knowing. Is she at peace?
Is she happier without me?
'Cause if she is, that's okay.
- That is okay.
- BRUCE: So, that junkie told
me to empty the register.
I told him to suck my dick.
Yeah, blah, blah, blah.
Nine surgeries later...
- here we are.
- RUSS: Aw, man.
- I am so sorry.
- BRUCE: What are you sorry for?
You didn't put this bullet
in my spine. She did.
- LINA: Excuse me?
- BRUCE: Relax, I'm just
- kidding. Kind of.
- RUSS: Not cool.
LINA: How is it my fault you got shot?
BRUCE: Well, I mean,
you made Russ sell, but...
RUSS: She... uh, no.
She didn't make me sell.
- BRUCE: Oh, a little bit.
- RUSS: No. I mean...
LINA: I-I... I mean...
What? Come on.
BRUCE: Well, I just remember
that after the buyout,
I had no money, so I
couldn't afford any help.
And that's why I worked that
night, which I should not have.
So...
But you guys are doing good.
You guys have a family,
right? Which is great for you.
What's that like?
- ROXANNE: What was that?
- AJ: I'm sorry about the
speech, but I just saw
you in that dress...
ROXANNE: Caitlin was late
again for school on Monday.
- AJ: I overslept.
- ROXANNE: Because of the pills?
AJ: I need them to help me sleep...
- and wake up.
- ROXANNE: Of course.
She also said you had
yet another visitor.
AJ: Hey, I'm single. I mingle.
ROXANNE: Do you think
that it's okay to have just
different women running
in and out of her life?
AJ: You are the one
who wanted to split up.
ROXANNE: How long are
you gonna hold that...?
- JERRY: Is everything all right in here?
- AJ: Everything's fine. How are you?
ROXANNE: Baby, everything is okay.
AJ: You know, if you need
me to be helpful in any way...
That's to be expected.
BRUCE: Come here.
This is Mai, my girlfriend.
- Say hi.
- MAI: Hi.
BRUCE: She's a little shy
sometimes with strangers.
Mai was actually my
occupational therapist.
She got me through some
pretty tough times, didn't she?
Yeah. She got me to
focus on the positive.
So, that's good right there.
[smacks lips]
- You got any pictures of your kids?
- RUSS: Uh, sure, yeah.
BRUCE: Let's see
what you guys got here.
Oh, my God! Oh, so lucky.
RUSS: This is us all on the couch.
- BRUCE: That is nice.
- MAI: We're thinking of adopting.
- LINA: Oh.
- BRUCE: Obviously we can't
- conceive in the traditional manner.
- RUSS: Well... um...
BRUCE: Yeah. But we
still have fun though.
We do all kinds of stuff.
Finger each other.
We look at all kinds
of pornography together.
She-she-she orgasms
pretty hardcore.
- LINA: Oh...
- RUSS: I'm just gonna run to
- the bathroom. Is there one, um...?
- BRUCE: Upstairs.
ROXANNE: So, Jerry and
I talked it over and we,
we want you to get some help.
- AJ: You want me to get some help?
- ROXANNE: We want you to get some help.
- AJ: "We want."
- ROXANNE: Jerry and I discussed it.
AJ: Oh!
ROXANNE: We did and we
want you to get better.
[AJ groans]
AJ: What else do you and
- Jerry talk about?
- Are you listening to anything that I'm saying?
AJ: Let me ask you a
question about Jerry.
Is he as good at eating pussy as I am?
BERNIE: Yeah, Sharon, the
mole is fine, but with your
family history, I'd lay off the salt.
- Now, are you...
- AJ: We've been asked to leave.
BERNIE: Oh, finally.
Good night. Oh, have a
doctor look at that mole.
Hey, are you okay?
AJ [quietly]: Best... shivah... ever.
[laughing]
BERNIE: No, she tried to take
- you back to court. I...
- AJ: No, she wants me to get
- help. She still cares about me.
- BERNIE: I had a really different
take on what just
happened. [AJ laughing]
- BRUCE: So is Russ still designing?
- LINA: Uh, yeah.
He's working for a friend
of ours in the valley.
He's-he's doing banners
and-and invitations.
BRUCE: Oh. That's good.
- LINA: Oh, thank you.
- BRUCE: Is he happy?
- LINA: I think so.
- RUSS: Hey, uh, Lina?
- LINA: Hmm?
- RUSS: The babysitter's on the phone.
- LINA: Is everything okay?
- RUSS: I don't know.
- I think you better take this upstairs.
- LINA: Oh. Excuse me.
- What did the babysitter...
- RUSS: The kids are fine, okay?
Look. My very first longboard.
- LINA: Oh, yeah.
- RUSS: And I found this.
We are taking this baby home tonight.
RUSS: Okay, I just need you
to cover for me for, like,
ten minutes so I can
get all the bolts out.
- LINA: I'm not doing it.
- RUSS: You heard him.
He blames you for ruining his life.
- LINA: So do you.
- RUSS: No, but that's...
different. We're married.
LINA: Oh, my God, just
let him keep the board.
- RUSS: No.
- LINA: Yes.
RUSS: Doesn't he have enough?
He's got this incredible
house by the beach,
he's got a successful
company, he's got an
- Asian wife...
- LINA: Oh, I'm sorry I'm not
- Asian enough for you.
- RUSS: Me, too.
- LINA: Oh, my God.
- RUSS: Did you see the size
- of his shower?
- LINA: Yeah.
So it can fit a wheelchair in it.
RUSS: I moved to the valley.
I got a vasectomy.
I am manager of, like,
a flag and banner shop.
I am paying for braces. Can
you please just do this
- one thing for me?
- LINA: Fine.
What do you want me to do?
RUSS: I just want you
to occupy them, okay?
- BRUCE: Everything okay?
- LINA: Yeah.
- You know... Ella has a virus...
- BRUCE: Whoa.
LINA: ...and, um,
everyone in her class had it.
BRUCE: Well, we should
shut the party down.
- Mai, put the cheese away.
- LINA: No, no, no. No way.
We are not shutting anything down.
I have a babysitter tonight.
I mean, unless blood is coming
out of her eyeballs...
[new song comes on radio]
Mm! This is my jam!
[Russ grunting]
My kind of party.
Come on, girl, shake it.
Let's get down!
BRUCE: Go ahead, dance with her.
You can dance with her, it's cool. Yeah!
[music continues in distance]
RUSS: Seriously?
[clunking sound]
[clunking sound continues under music]
BRUCE: What was that?
[clunking continues]
RUSS: Get off!
[rattling]
[Russ speaks indistinctly]
[clunking continues]
BRUCE: Whoa.
[laughs] All right.
A little room here.
All right, that's enough.
There we go. There we go.
[Bruce groaning]
LINA: Why are we going upstairs?!
Hey, let's get the party down here.
[mechanical whirring] [music continues]
[mechanical whirring continues]
[glass shatters]
BRUCE: What up, dawg?
- You going somewhere?
- RUSS: Hey, bud.
[Lina moans]
- BRUCE: All you had to do was ask, dawg.
- LINA: Oh, God.
- BRUCE: All you had to do was ask.
- RUSS: I...
- All right. You hungry?
- LINA: Yeah.
- But can we go back to the valley?
- RUSS: Yeah, absolutely.
[music]
BERNIE: I'm, uh... going to
check her for lumps.
AJ: Good luck!
I recently lost a loved one.
- What do you think?
- RUSS: Costume party?
BERNIE: No, strip club. The
girls tend to work a little
harder when they think you're an MD.
- RUSS: I can see that.
- BERNIE: The material's very
- thin, very lap-dance friendly.
- RUSS: I never, uh, thought of
- you as a, uh, strip club guy.
- BERNIE: Oh, AJ invited me.
You should come.
You should come.
- RUSS: Oh, no, I can't.
Lina and I have a date night
tonight. [bell dings]
BERNIE: Oh, this kid.
You want me to handle this?
- I'm already scrubbed in.
- RUSS: No. No.
- What does this say?
- BERNIE: You should be wearing that, right?
RUSS: That's not the point.
Okay? It says manager.
How you doing? Can I help you?
TWEEN: Yeah.
Just, uh, here to pick up.
RUSS: Hey, where'd you get that bag?
TWEEN: This bomb-ass
surf shop in Venice.
- RUSS: Swick?
- TWEEN: You know it?
RUSS: Yeah.
Yeah, my old, my old
partner and I started that.
I actually designed that logo.
Put it on a longboard.
- It's kind of how it all started.
- TWEEN: Baller.
BERNIE: Yeah, he also
designed your middle school book
fair banner, which I think
you'll agree is equally baller.
RUSS: Yeah. I am super baller...
still.
1x08 - The Old Date
LINA: I can't believe
you actually planned a date.
RUSS: Yeah, what's the big deal?
LINA: 'Cause you
normally don't plan shit.
- RUSS [laughing]: Well...
- LINA: It's nice when you make an effort.
RUSS: I thought it
would be fun to, I don't
know, see the old
hood, do the old date...
- visit the shop.
- LINA: Are you feeling nostalgic?
- RUSS: Maybe. A little.
- LINA: Ah.
MAN: You know who you remind
me of? That's right... me.
- We both got the same cute little face.
- RUSS: Right. No, we do. Yeah.
- We definitely do.
- LINA: Have a good night.
RUSS: Thanks. Thanks.
LINA: Ah, I miss Venice.
RUSS: Yeah. That was
like looking in a mirror.
LINA: Let's go
check out the old shop.
BERNIE: I thought we
were going to a strip club.
- AJ: We are.
- BERNIE: Why are we at your
- ex-wife's house?
- AJ: Relax, this'll only take a minute.
[Roxanne gasps]
I'm so sorry for your loss.
ROXANNE: Do you really
think that this is a good idea?
- Honestly?
- AJ: I'm not here for you.
- I'm here for Jerry.
- ROXANNE: Sure you are.
Stop it.
- BERNIE: What are we doing here?
- AJ: Oh.
- Jerry's mom passed.
- BERNIE: Oh.
- AJ: Titty cancer.
- BERNIE: I, um... sorry.
It must be very hard to
lose the mother of the guy
who is boning your ex-wife.
How are you holding up?
AJ: Oh, not good. I heard
Esther was a really cool lady.
BERNIE: Well, it's a very adult decision
to come here and support
Roxanne and Jerry.
Let's continue to be adults and
go see some adult entertainment.
- Mm-hmm?
- AJ: Yeah, you're right.
- BERNIE: All right.
- AJ: But first I'm gonna have an adult beverage.
Oh, God, it's such a tragedy, huh?
Oh, I am walking for the cure this year.
[chuckles]
You better believe that, man.
LINA: Oh, my God. It's closed.
RUSS: Really? Wow, that
must've just happened.
Man, end of an era. Sad.
LINA: It is sad. We
had a lot of good times
- in there.
- RUSS: I know.
- LINA: I'm kind of relieved.
- RUSS: Why? What's that
- supposed to mean?
- LINA: I don't know.
I always felt like it was my
fault that we sold the place.
RUSS: We made the decision together.
LINA: I pushed you. Anyway,
you always wondered what
would've happened if we didn't sell.
Now, you know.
RUSS: Oh, wait. They're not closed.
They just moved.
- Right off Abbott Kinney.
- LINA: "Abbott Kinney"?
- They must be doing well.
- RUSS: "Come see our new
larger location." Unreal.
[laughs] I mean how much larger?
LINA: Should we check it out?
Can you handle it?
RUSS: Probably not.
Let's just go eat.
LINA: I mean, the beach is
great, but we never have to wait
- this long in the Valley.
- RUSS: Yeah, the Valley's so
- much better.
- LINA: You don't have to pay
- for parking in the Valley.
- RUSS: Thank God.
- CARLOS: Okay.
- LINA: Hey, look who it is!
- Hi, Carlos.
- CARLOS: Ah, so good to see you.
- RUSS: You don't remember us, do you?
- LINA: Honey?
CARLOS: Uh, uh... [groans]
I'm not good with names.
RUSS: Wow. Yeah. I just
thought you'd recognize us.
CARLOS: I apologize.
I see so many people.
Your waiter will be
with you shortly. Enjoy.
RUSS: We came in here once a
week for five years. You think
- the guy would remember us.
- LINA: This is gonna be a fun night.
RUSS: What's the deal
with this table by the way?
- Like, seriously?
- LINA: The table is fine.
RUSS: It's not fine. We should move.
LINA: They're already
gonna spit in our food.
You want to be upgraded to semen?
RUSS: When we used to come
in here, they used to sit
us by the window and now
we're, like, way in the back
- like minivans at a valet.
- LINA: Is this about the shop?
RUSS: No.
- LINA: You want to get the clams?
- RUSS: I just want to know how
- much square footage they have.
- LINA: Come on. Let's go.
- RUSS: What?
- LINA: We're gonna go to the
store. You're not gonna
stop thinking about it, so we
- might as well just go.
- RUSS: I don't care about seeing it.
LINA: Really? You don't care?
RUSS: I just, I bet they get
- a lot of foot traffic...
- LINA: You just want to rub my
- face in it... great! Let's go.
- RUSS: I don't want to rub
- your face in anything.
- LINA: We're going.
RUSS: We're not going anywhere.
- LINA: We're going!
- RUSS: I want to sit and eat.
LINA: I'm not eating until we go.
CARLOS: Now, I remember you.
Russ and Lina.
From the surf store!
Congratulations on the new location!
- LINA: Just say it.
- RUSS: What?
LINA: That I ruined your life.
- RUSS: It's not your fault.
- LINA: Yeah, it is.
- I made you sell it.
- RUSS: You were pregnant.
You weren't thinking straight.
Okay? Neither of us were.
LINA: Bruce was
being such an asshole.
We both wanted him out of our lives.
RUSS: Yeah. And now,
he's a rich asshole.
LINA: Schools are
better in the Valley.
- We had to do it.
- RUSS: Kids, schools.
We did the right thing.
- LINA: Let's go eat.
- RUSS: I just got to check one thing.
Holy shit.
This place is enormous.
Look at all this stuff.
- Where is my longboard?
- LINA: Which one?
RUSS: The one with my logo on it.
LINA: Oh, why would
Bruce take it down?
RUSS: I'll tell you why
Bruce would take it down.
- Because he wants to erase me.
- LINA: Uh, I don't think
that's true. Your logo's
on everything. Look.
RUSS: Nice that somebody's
making money off my design.
LINA: You know what?
Screw this place.
I need new sunglasses.
- How do I look?
- RUSS: You're still cute.
LINA: Hey, why don't
we, uh, get drunk and
go fool around on the
beach? That'll be fun.
- Aw...
- RUSS: All right.
- Let's go.
- LINA [quietly]: Hey.
[both chuckle]
LINA: I wasn't really
gonna steal the glasses.
- It was just a joke.
- DIRK: A joke?
- LINA AND RUSS: Yes.
- RUSS: Look, when we were
younger and broke and we
couldn't afford to go on dates,
- we would shoplift together.
- LINA: It was romantic.
[Dirk scoffs] You know?
- DIRK: I'm calling the police.
- LINA: Don't... No, no.
- RUSS: No!
- LINA: Don't do that, man.
- RUSS: Don't do that, okay?
- LINA: Just, that's not cool.
RUSS: We're friends
with Bruce, all right?
- DIRK: Who's Bruce?
- RUSS: Our old partner.
We used to own this
shop together with Bruce.
- LINA: The three of us.
- DIRK: Okay, I don't know
Bruce. Uh, this is, this place is owned
by Mertzman Outdoors.
- RUSS: What? Well, what happened to Bruce?
- Bruce got shot, man.
- RUSS: I'm sorry... what?!
- REPAIR MAN: Bruce got shot.
RUSS: Holy shit.
- Wow. Bruce is freakin' loaded.
- LINA: Well, I'm happy he's okay.
- RUSS: Bullshit.
- LINA: Shut up.
BRUCE: Hold on.
[bell dings]
RUSS: Hey.
BRUCE: What's up?
So, you two are still together,
huh? Didn't think
that was gonna last.
RUSS: Oh, yeah. No, it did.
- LINA: For now.
- RUSS: Yup. Every day's an adventure.
BRUCE: Yeah, I know
something about that.
BERNIE: Excuse me. Hey,
AJ, can we get out of here?
Old people are asking me
to look at their rashes.
- AJ: So, look.
- BERNIE: Oh, I've been looking
at them, but
it's time to go. Come on.
- Come on.
- AJ: No, no. Wait.
- BERNIE: No.
- AJ: Excuse me, everyone.
- May I have your attention?
- BERNIE: What are you doing?
AJ: Time to make the donuts.
Excuse me.
I would just like to
say a few words if I may.
ROXANNE: Would you
get him out of here?
BERNIE: I kind of want to
see where he's going with this.
AJ: I never met Esther. And I...
guess I never will.
But I do know Jerry.
And I understand something about loss.
For I, too, recently had
someone very dear taken from me.
[smacks lips] And the
hardest part is the not
knowing. Is she at peace?
Is she happier without me?
'Cause if she is, that's okay.
- That is okay.
- BRUCE: So, that junkie told
me to empty the register.
I told him to suck my dick.
Yeah, blah, blah, blah.
Nine surgeries later...
- here we are.
- RUSS: Aw, man.
- I am so sorry.
- BRUCE: What are you sorry for?
You didn't put this bullet
in my spine. She did.
- LINA: Excuse me?
- BRUCE: Relax, I'm just
- kidding. Kind of.
- RUSS: Not cool.
LINA: How is it my fault you got shot?
BRUCE: Well, I mean,
you made Russ sell, but...
RUSS: She... uh, no.
She didn't make me sell.
- BRUCE: Oh, a little bit.
- RUSS: No. I mean...
LINA: I-I... I mean...
What? Come on.
BRUCE: Well, I just remember
that after the buyout,
I had no money, so I
couldn't afford any help.
And that's why I worked that
night, which I should not have.
So...
But you guys are doing good.
You guys have a family,
right? Which is great for you.
What's that like?
- ROXANNE: What was that?
- AJ: I'm sorry about the
speech, but I just saw
you in that dress...
ROXANNE: Caitlin was late
again for school on Monday.
- AJ: I overslept.
- ROXANNE: Because of the pills?
AJ: I need them to help me sleep...
- and wake up.
- ROXANNE: Of course.
She also said you had
yet another visitor.
AJ: Hey, I'm single. I mingle.
ROXANNE: Do you think
that it's okay to have just
different women running
in and out of her life?
AJ: You are the one
who wanted to split up.
ROXANNE: How long are
you gonna hold that...?
- JERRY: Is everything all right in here?
- AJ: Everything's fine. How are you?
ROXANNE: Baby, everything is okay.
AJ: You know, if you need
me to be helpful in any way...
That's to be expected.
BRUCE: Come here.
This is Mai, my girlfriend.
- Say hi.
- MAI: Hi.
BRUCE: She's a little shy
sometimes with strangers.
Mai was actually my
occupational therapist.
She got me through some
pretty tough times, didn't she?
Yeah. She got me to
focus on the positive.
So, that's good right there.
[smacks lips]
- You got any pictures of your kids?
- RUSS: Uh, sure, yeah.
BRUCE: Let's see
what you guys got here.
Oh, my God! Oh, so lucky.
RUSS: This is us all on the couch.
- BRUCE: That is nice.
- MAI: We're thinking of adopting.
- LINA: Oh.
- BRUCE: Obviously we can't
- conceive in the traditional manner.
- RUSS: Well... um...
BRUCE: Yeah. But we
still have fun though.
We do all kinds of stuff.
Finger each other.
We look at all kinds
of pornography together.
She-she-she orgasms
pretty hardcore.
- LINA: Oh...
- RUSS: I'm just gonna run to
- the bathroom. Is there one, um...?
- BRUCE: Upstairs.
ROXANNE: So, Jerry and
I talked it over and we,
we want you to get some help.
- AJ: You want me to get some help?
- ROXANNE: We want you to get some help.
- AJ: "We want."
- ROXANNE: Jerry and I discussed it.
AJ: Oh!
ROXANNE: We did and we
want you to get better.
[AJ groans]
AJ: What else do you and
- Jerry talk about?
- Are you listening to anything that I'm saying?
AJ: Let me ask you a
question about Jerry.
Is he as good at eating pussy as I am?
BERNIE: Yeah, Sharon, the
mole is fine, but with your
family history, I'd lay off the salt.
- Now, are you...
- AJ: We've been asked to leave.
BERNIE: Oh, finally.
Good night. Oh, have a
doctor look at that mole.
Hey, are you okay?
AJ [quietly]: Best... shivah... ever.
[laughing]
BERNIE: No, she tried to take
- you back to court. I...
- AJ: No, she wants me to get
- help. She still cares about me.
- BERNIE: I had a really different
take on what just
happened. [AJ laughing]
- BRUCE: So is Russ still designing?
- LINA: Uh, yeah.
He's working for a friend
of ours in the valley.
He's-he's doing banners
and-and invitations.
BRUCE: Oh. That's good.
- LINA: Oh, thank you.
- BRUCE: Is he happy?
- LINA: I think so.
- RUSS: Hey, uh, Lina?
- LINA: Hmm?
- RUSS: The babysitter's on the phone.
- LINA: Is everything okay?
- RUSS: I don't know.
- I think you better take this upstairs.
- LINA: Oh. Excuse me.
- What did the babysitter...
- RUSS: The kids are fine, okay?
Look. My very first longboard.
- LINA: Oh, yeah.
- RUSS: And I found this.
We are taking this baby home tonight.
RUSS: Okay, I just need you
to cover for me for, like,
ten minutes so I can
get all the bolts out.
- LINA: I'm not doing it.
- RUSS: You heard him.
He blames you for ruining his life.
- LINA: So do you.
- RUSS: No, but that's...
different. We're married.
LINA: Oh, my God, just
let him keep the board.
- RUSS: No.
- LINA: Yes.
RUSS: Doesn't he have enough?
He's got this incredible
house by the beach,
he's got a successful
company, he's got an
- Asian wife...
- LINA: Oh, I'm sorry I'm not
- Asian enough for you.
- RUSS: Me, too.
- LINA: Oh, my God.
- RUSS: Did you see the size
- of his shower?
- LINA: Yeah.
So it can fit a wheelchair in it.
RUSS: I moved to the valley.
I got a vasectomy.
I am manager of, like,
a flag and banner shop.
I am paying for braces. Can
you please just do this
- one thing for me?
- LINA: Fine.
What do you want me to do?
RUSS: I just want you
to occupy them, okay?
- BRUCE: Everything okay?
- LINA: Yeah.
- You know... Ella has a virus...
- BRUCE: Whoa.
LINA: ...and, um,
everyone in her class had it.
BRUCE: Well, we should
shut the party down.
- Mai, put the cheese away.
- LINA: No, no, no. No way.
We are not shutting anything down.
I have a babysitter tonight.
I mean, unless blood is coming
out of her eyeballs...
[new song comes on radio]
Mm! This is my jam!
[Russ grunting]
My kind of party.
Come on, girl, shake it.
Let's get down!
BRUCE: Go ahead, dance with her.
You can dance with her, it's cool. Yeah!
[music continues in distance]
RUSS: Seriously?
[clunking sound]
[clunking sound continues under music]
BRUCE: What was that?
[clunking continues]
RUSS: Get off!
[rattling]
[Russ speaks indistinctly]
[clunking continues]
BRUCE: Whoa.
[laughs] All right.
A little room here.
All right, that's enough.
There we go. There we go.
[Bruce groaning]
LINA: Why are we going upstairs?!
Hey, let's get the party down here.
[mechanical whirring] [music continues]
[mechanical whirring continues]
[glass shatters]
BRUCE: What up, dawg?
- You going somewhere?
- RUSS: Hey, bud.
[Lina moans]
- BRUCE: All you had to do was ask, dawg.
- LINA: Oh, God.
- BRUCE: All you had to do was ask.
- RUSS: I...
- All right. You hungry?
- LINA: Yeah.
- But can we go back to the valley?
- RUSS: Yeah, absolutely.
[music]
BERNIE: I'm, uh... going to
check her for lumps.
AJ: Good luck!
I recently lost a loved one.