Man Seeking Woman (2015–2017): Season 2, Episode 5 - Card - full transcript
Josh struggles with a difficult career choice.
[laughter]
[rock music playing]
- Um, hello.
What is--how much are drinks?
- Complimentary.
- Oh, I will definitely
have one, in that case.
[sighs]
Okay. Yep.
Thank you for your service.
- Josh?
- Holy shit, Pete Hoffman.
I haven't seen you since what?
Algebra II.
- God, all I remember
from that class
was playing Phoenix
on our TI-89's.
- Hmm, hmm,
trying to remember.
Who was it that got
the high score?
- [laughing]
Shut up, you bastard, I--
- That's me; you bow down to me.
- I do, indeed.
- Man, those were the days.
Wow, before we had to grow up
and join the boring real world.
- Tell me about it.
- So what are you up to, bud?
- Oh, not too much.
I'm living downtown.
Still eating and drinking
a little too much.
I'm an astronaut.
- What?
You're--you're an astronaut?
- Yeah, I work for this place.
It's the National Aeronautics
Space Administration.
- NASA?
- Oh, sweet, you've heard of it.
Yeah.
- Well, yes, I've heard of it.
- Josh?
- Alice Shimpff.
- [laughs]
Oh, well...
it's actually
Alice Hoffman, now.
- No--you--what?
- I know.
- Score one for the good guys!
- That's what I'm talking about.
- So how have you been?
What are you--
You still twirling the baton,
or...?
- Oh, I wish.
I'm an astronaut.
- I'm sorry,
you're both astronauts?
So, you guys work together?
- No, no, I'm on Gamma.
She's on Argo.
- Yeah.
Oh, but you know
who I do work with?
Tom and Carla
from Ms. Margolin's class.
- Tom, the kid that got
suspended for whip-its?
- Yeah.
- He made a 180, man.
He's doing great.
- So, Josh,
what do you do?
- Astronaut, right?
- Uh...
[downtempo electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Ah!
♪ ♪
- [squeaks]
♪ ♪
- [growls]
♪ ♪
- You wanted to see me,
Mr. Pell?
- So our office manager,
Vanessa, is leaving to...
[scoffs]
Take care of her kids.
Her job is yours if you want it.
- What?
Seriously?
I--I am so honored.
Might I inquire
as to how you arrived at,
uh, choosing me for this job?
- I asked which temp
has been here the longest,
and someone said it was you.
- I see.
So my experience
gave me the edge.
The wise old owl, as it were.
I'll go with that.
That's fine.
- Oh, yep.
- Voilà.
Eggs à la Tom.
- Okay, before we dig in,
I would like to propose
a toast to Josh,
who has some
exciting job news.
- What?
What job news?
- It's not
that big a deal.
- It's a huge deal.
He's the new office manager.
- Oh.
- This--this is true.
- What does that mean?
Office manager?
- I'll do stuff
like order supplies,
organize staff events,
like March Madness pools
and Girl Scout cookie season.
Stuff like that, and...
I get...
♪ Dun duh-duh-duuh ♪
My own business card...
- So cool.
- With my name.
That's the name you gave me.
- So cool.
That's awesome.
I love it.
- Joshie,
I thought you were
only working at this place
until you figured out
what you really wanted
to do with your life.
- This is a smart move for Josh.
- No!
Josh is special.
- Jesus.
What's her problem?
- Josh, I think there's
something you should see.
- I don't remember
this really big tent.
[gospel music]
- ♪ Josh is sanctified ♪
all:
♪ Sanctified ♪
- Who are these people?
- You know how your mom likes
to brag about you.
- Yeah.
- These people listen.
- Oh, man.
What did she tell them?
- Oh, just the usual.
That you're smart and talented
and a living god.
- What?
- Yeah.
Oops, I got to go. I
have to play the bass.
- Did he say living god?
[gospel music flourish]
- Josh is testing me.
Oh, he is testing me.
He told me,
"I got a job offer, mum,
and it ain't a good one!"
But you know what I did?
I believed
that Josh is destined
for greatness!
He could be a doctor!
[bass flourish]
He could be a lawyer!
- I'm a lawyer, Mom.
- He could be the president...
[cheers and applause]
of the United States
of America!
- [mouthing]
- Talamacah-shebaccah!
[cheers and applause]
Yaminah-yaminah!
Hocko!
Shaka-laka-laka!
Homina!
Homina, homina!
- No, no, Mom,
will you please stop?
You're really embarrassing me
right now.
- It's he.
The great one.
- I'm not a god.
I'm not even kind of a god.
- Then how do you explain
these holy relics?
- No, there's--
they're not--
those are mostly
participation medals.
Mom, look, just face it.
There might not be--
maybe there's nothing
I'm naturally gifted at.
- Oh, really?
Nothing?
Well, what about that summer
at computer camp?
♪ ♪
You were the best in the bunch,
and they gave you
a certificate to prove it.
- Uh... wow.
- Made the frame himself.
Shop class.
- May--maybe you're right.
- [laughs]
- Maybe I've been
selling myself short.
- Oh, yeah.
- You know, maybe...
Maybe screw that office job.
- You say it!
- Soulless office job.
I'm gonna do something
with my life.
[cheers and applause]
I'm gonna--I'm gonna
follow my heart!
- Hallelujah!
- Mr. Pell,
could I speak to you a second?
Just a--
- Mm.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to put you
in this position,
but, uh...
upon further consideration,
I realize that I'm gonna
have to decline
that office manager job.
- I see.
- I just--
it would be unfair to me
to place limitations
on myself to do anything
other than follow my dreams.
[woman moaning]
- Are you watching porn?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Ugh, I can't believe
you still buy Schmort's Ice.
I stopped drinking this
cheap shit in college.
- And there, I did it!
- Did what?
- I just signed up
for a six-week beginners course
on computer coding.
I'm gonna try and be
a video game designer.
- That's awesome.
- Right?
No, I think
my mother's right.
It's time I start
living up to my potential,
and I think I might even have
an idea for my very first game.
- What is it?
- All right.
I can tell you.
You just got to promise
to keep it a bit of a secret.
- These lips are sealed.
- All right.
[blubbers]
You're, like, the first
person I'm saying it to,
like--okay.
It's called "Abandoned Planet,"
all right?
It's about a group
of space marines
who receive
a mysterious distress call
from an abandoned planet,
uh, but there's a twist.
The planet's not
actually abandoned.
- Who's on it?
- Like...aliens.
- Okay.
Josh, I play
a lot of video games,
so I have a higher bar
than most people...
But I got to say,
that is the coolest shit
I have ever heard.
- Really?
- Swear to God.
- [laughs]
I knew it.
- Dude, to "Abandoned Planet."
- To "Abandoned Planet."
Oh, this is so exciting.
- [chuckles]
- [groans]
- Oh, this beer is terrible.
It's like hot dog water.
- That's really bad.
[upbeat electronic music]
Phew.
- One of the most important
things you can't forget
is to use a semicolon at the end
of every line of code.
Otherwise your program,
it's just not gonna run.
♪ ♪
We wanna force the loop
to exit here.
What command do we use?
Josh?
- Uh, break command.
- That's correct.
Now we can work on
the code section below it.
♪ ♪
- Wow.
That's awesome.
- Congratulations, Josh.
Are we gonna see you
in our advanced class?
- You betcha.
- Good stuff.
- Yeah.
Phew.
Um...
Okay, uh,
am I in the right class?
- Yes, Josh, have a seat.
We just got started.
- Oh, thanks.
- Okay, now that you've all gone
through beginners coding,
which--let's be honest--
was a bit of a joke, wasn't it?
[all laugh]
We're now gonna get into
what I like to call
real computer programming.
There's gonna be a little bit
of a learning curve,
but you should be able
to get the hang of it
as long as you have
a handle on calculus,
analytic geometry,
data architecture,
and computational linguistics.
You're gonna be fine.
- Oh, man.
- Let's get started
by saying our names
and something interesting
about ourselves.
- Uh, my name is Sporlon,
son of Borlon.
I come from a race
of highly evolved
ultra-brained superhumans.
- I am Valeron,
son of Valeron.
I, too, come from a race
of highly evolved
ultra-brained superhumans.
- Josh?
- Oh.
Uh, I am Josh.
Uh...
and something interesting
about myself,
um...
Broke my elbow when I was ten
while I was rollerblading.
- Okay, uh--
- Yeah, thanks.
- Let's get started.
We then utilize
Dijkstra's algorithm,
visiting each vertex
recursively,
guaranteeing the shortest path.
[all murmuring]
- Hey, hey, Borlon.
Psst, Borlon.
- Yes?
- I'm struggling, man.
Would you mind helping me a bit?
- [sighing]
Fine.
What is it?
- Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
- No, it's awesome.
- I'm just, like, so confused by
this algorithm.
- Well, just pulse your neurons
until the answer
manifests itself.
- What? Pulse?
Pulse my neurons?
Pulse my neurons.
Was that in the book?
- I'm gonna pay attention
to Greg now.
- And that's that
on bounded heuristics.
Great first class, everyone.
Tonight's assignment
is just gonna be a fun one.
I want each of you to design a
professional quality video game.
- For [bleep] sake.
- This'll be
your "Call of Duties,"
your "World of Warcrafts,"
but not those exact games.
all:
Ha.
- [laughs]
- What?
- Wow, wha--
what?
I've never seen you work
this hard in your entire life.
I'm impressed, okay?
This is amazing.
This is really cool.
- Um, I am drowning, Liz.
The other students
are just so advanced, right?
- [sighs]
- They all... they get
the concepts... right away,
and I can't prove this,
but I suspect they may be
tapping into a collective
hive consciousness.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
- Well...
[clears throat]
Okay.
This is your dream?
- Yeah.
- So, if this is really
your dream, then...
- Yeah.
- Then screw
those other guys.
They sound lame.
- Yeah.
- You deserve to be
in that class.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
[yawns]
Man, oh, man.
That was one hell
of an assignment, huh?
Hey, uh, what're you
up to this weekend?
Do you wanna grab a beer
or something?
- Thanks, but I think I'm just
planning on lying low
this weekend.
- Oh, yeah, no.
Fair enough.
- All right, class,
I'm really excited
to see everyone's video games.
So who wants to go first?
- I do, Greg.
- Borlon, okay, great.
Why don't we all gather
around his computer.
- Actually, I can
project the video game
as a hologram from my skull.
- Great.
Show us what you got.
- [whispers]
Jesus.
[dramatic music]
Jesus Christ!
- Nice use of
the parallax occlusions
we talked about yesterday.
- I mean, I was just gonna say
the dragon looks cool.
- Ahh!
- My game is called
"Golden Blade."
- Very nice.
Pass.
Josh, would you like to go next?
- No--I mean, um...
Yeah, yeah, I could,
but if, uh...
Valeron or, uh, Ob--
um, Albien--Albon
would like to go--
- Don't be silly.
Come on, everyone.
Let's gather around.
- So, uh, yeah.
Here it is.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
[electronic static]
God damn it.
Uh...
What do you think?
Control, Alt, Delete?
Is that--
what do you guys think?
- That's--it's okay.
It's okay.
- We're done?
- Yeah--yeah, yeah.
[somber music]
I'm sorry, Josh,
I just don't think
video game design is for you.
- I--it--
but it has to be for me, man.
I got noth--like,
this--this is my dream.
- Sometimes dreams
are just dreams.
- Borlon, will I see you
at the cool party this weekend?
- Definitely.
- You--Borlon!
When I asked you what
you were doing this weekend,
you said you were laying low.
- Well, um, the thing is,
um, at the time that you asked
what I was doing,
I actually was planning
on laying low this weekend.
That much is true.
- I get it.
Just--just go.
- Thank you.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Mr. Pell, could I talk
to you for a second?
- Sure.
- [sighs]
Uh...
I-I would like to reopen
the office manager dialogue.
Uh, so, upon further...
further consideration,
I realize that I would love
to reaccept that job
if it were still available.
Truth is, I would be
lucky to have it.
- Great.
[explosion]
The truth is, I don't
really care, so...
you can have the job.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yep, right.
- Your expected wait time
is 40 minutes.
- Enter the item code
into the second entry field.
What the hell does that mean?
- Paycheck.
- Thank you.
- Your expected wait time
is 2 hours.
- What?
How did that happen?
- So, Josh, how are your
computer classes going?
Now, I want to hear everything.
- Yeah. Oh, good.
Good, thank you.
- I've never played
a video game in my life,
but once yours comes out,
I'm gonna be all over it.
- You should try "Tetris."
- It's a good one.
- By the way, I was reading
a very interesting article
in "The New York Times"
about Mark Zuckerberg.
I think you should talk to him.
- No, I--Mark Zuckerberg
doesn't want to talk to me.
- Oh, sure he does.
- Yeah.
- You two would have
a lot in common.
- Huh.
- And then when you're done
with that,
maybe you could take
a look at that printer of mine.
- [sighs]
You know, I really--
I appreciate the support.
The thing is--
- Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
I know you haven't
graduated yet...
- She did not.
- Oh, no.
- But I couldn't help myself!
We're just all so proud of you.
- Okay...
- That is so adorable.
Look.
[laughs]
- [sighs]
[somber music]
Yeah, uh,
I quit those classes.
I was just in way over my head.
I took that
office manager job.
- You're better than that job.
- No, I'm not.
I'm not; that job is literally
the best I can do,
and I'll be honest.
All the, like, overwhelming
expectation and pride
was making me feel
terrible about myself.
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, Josh.
I didn't want you to feel bad.
[sighs]
- Well, I'll, uh...
I'll get some plates.
- Dude, this game,
"Golden Blade," is sick.
- Yeah, yeah,
it was a big big hit.
Borlon knows what he's doing.
- Wait, Borlon made this game?
- Yeah.
- Must have just came
right out of your class...
- I guess so.
- And just killed it.
- Yeah.
- But, you know, I mean,
I'm sorry that your dreams died.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Whoa!
- Hey, we're out of beer.
Should we get more Schmort's?
- Actually, you know what?
I can do a lot better
than Schmort's.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
And I'll tell you what.
It's on me.
- Dude, that's awesome.
- That is awesome.
So how do I look?
- You look great.
Uh, let me just put your cap on.
both: Okay.
- Now remember,
tassel to your left.
- Oh.
- Okay?
You haven't graduated yet.
- All right, wish me luck.
- Good luck.
- Here goes nothing.
- Big moment.
[marching band music]
♪ ♪
- Greetings,
friends and loved ones.
We are gathered here today
to celebrate the young men
and young women
of this community
who are graduating
from their shitty beer
to a decent beer.
Also, keep in mind,
this week I have reduced
my mixed nuts to $6.99,
not like Ernie's
across the street,
but enough about me.
Now, the first graduate
I want to bring up today,
he used to be big, big loser,
and we would see him go outside,
we would laugh at him,
and he's almost a man now.
Please, help me welcome
to the cash register
Mr. Josh Greenberg.
[cheers and applause]
[band playing
"Pomp and Circumstance"]
- That's you!
Whoo!
♪ ♪
Joshie!
You the man!
- [mouthing]
This is a good one,
right?
both:
Yes!
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- $10.99.
- All right.
- Wait!
Wait, don't start without us.
- Hey!
- Hey, Bud.
I'm so sorry we're late.
- There--oh.
- Your mom forgot the camera.
- Oh, Tom.
[heartfelt music]
♪ ♪
Oh, look, Tom.
Tom, he's paying with a 20.
- It's a 20.
- Oh, my Josh.
- Would you like to donate $1
to the American Red Cross?
- No, that's--
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
[gospel music]
- ♪ With the good Lord
beside me ♪
♪ And his love to guide me ♪
♪ I know that someday
I can find my dream ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
- So those will be
product codes 1-1-4-K
and 1-1-5-K.
I know, exotic, right?
[laughs]
All right, thanks, Pat.
Good luck with that cold.
All right, bye-bye.
- Hi, sorry to interrupt.
Um, I'm the new temp,
and I'm wondering if I can get
a new chair for my desk
because the old one smells
really terrible.
- Oh, yes, that's--oh.
Of course, yeah.
Uh, I'll order one today.
It'll be here, um...
Uh, Wednesday.
- Great, thank you.
I'm Rosa, by the way.
- I'm Josh.
Actually...
Josh Greenberg,
office manager.
- Cool card.
- Oh, thanks.
Whoa...
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[Sufjan Stevens' "The Man of
Metropolis Steals Our Hearts"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Trouble falls in my home ♪
♪ Troubled man,
troubled stone ♪
♪ Turn a mountain of lies ♪
♪ Turn a card for my life ♪
♪ Man of steel,
man of heart ♪
♪ Tame our ways if we start ♪
♪ To devise something more ♪
♪ Something halfways ♪
[rock music playing]
- Um, hello.
What is--how much are drinks?
- Complimentary.
- Oh, I will definitely
have one, in that case.
[sighs]
Okay. Yep.
Thank you for your service.
- Josh?
- Holy shit, Pete Hoffman.
I haven't seen you since what?
Algebra II.
- God, all I remember
from that class
was playing Phoenix
on our TI-89's.
- Hmm, hmm,
trying to remember.
Who was it that got
the high score?
- [laughing]
Shut up, you bastard, I--
- That's me; you bow down to me.
- I do, indeed.
- Man, those were the days.
Wow, before we had to grow up
and join the boring real world.
- Tell me about it.
- So what are you up to, bud?
- Oh, not too much.
I'm living downtown.
Still eating and drinking
a little too much.
I'm an astronaut.
- What?
You're--you're an astronaut?
- Yeah, I work for this place.
It's the National Aeronautics
Space Administration.
- NASA?
- Oh, sweet, you've heard of it.
Yeah.
- Well, yes, I've heard of it.
- Josh?
- Alice Shimpff.
- [laughs]
Oh, well...
it's actually
Alice Hoffman, now.
- No--you--what?
- I know.
- Score one for the good guys!
- That's what I'm talking about.
- So how have you been?
What are you--
You still twirling the baton,
or...?
- Oh, I wish.
I'm an astronaut.
- I'm sorry,
you're both astronauts?
So, you guys work together?
- No, no, I'm on Gamma.
She's on Argo.
- Yeah.
Oh, but you know
who I do work with?
Tom and Carla
from Ms. Margolin's class.
- Tom, the kid that got
suspended for whip-its?
- Yeah.
- He made a 180, man.
He's doing great.
- So, Josh,
what do you do?
- Astronaut, right?
- Uh...
[downtempo electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Ah!
♪ ♪
- [squeaks]
♪ ♪
- [growls]
♪ ♪
- You wanted to see me,
Mr. Pell?
- So our office manager,
Vanessa, is leaving to...
[scoffs]
Take care of her kids.
Her job is yours if you want it.
- What?
Seriously?
I--I am so honored.
Might I inquire
as to how you arrived at,
uh, choosing me for this job?
- I asked which temp
has been here the longest,
and someone said it was you.
- I see.
So my experience
gave me the edge.
The wise old owl, as it were.
I'll go with that.
That's fine.
- Oh, yep.
- Voilà.
Eggs à la Tom.
- Okay, before we dig in,
I would like to propose
a toast to Josh,
who has some
exciting job news.
- What?
What job news?
- It's not
that big a deal.
- It's a huge deal.
He's the new office manager.
- Oh.
- This--this is true.
- What does that mean?
Office manager?
- I'll do stuff
like order supplies,
organize staff events,
like March Madness pools
and Girl Scout cookie season.
Stuff like that, and...
I get...
♪ Dun duh-duh-duuh ♪
My own business card...
- So cool.
- With my name.
That's the name you gave me.
- So cool.
That's awesome.
I love it.
- Joshie,
I thought you were
only working at this place
until you figured out
what you really wanted
to do with your life.
- This is a smart move for Josh.
- No!
Josh is special.
- Jesus.
What's her problem?
- Josh, I think there's
something you should see.
- I don't remember
this really big tent.
[gospel music]
- ♪ Josh is sanctified ♪
all:
♪ Sanctified ♪
- Who are these people?
- You know how your mom likes
to brag about you.
- Yeah.
- These people listen.
- Oh, man.
What did she tell them?
- Oh, just the usual.
That you're smart and talented
and a living god.
- What?
- Yeah.
Oops, I got to go. I
have to play the bass.
- Did he say living god?
[gospel music flourish]
- Josh is testing me.
Oh, he is testing me.
He told me,
"I got a job offer, mum,
and it ain't a good one!"
But you know what I did?
I believed
that Josh is destined
for greatness!
He could be a doctor!
[bass flourish]
He could be a lawyer!
- I'm a lawyer, Mom.
- He could be the president...
[cheers and applause]
of the United States
of America!
- [mouthing]
- Talamacah-shebaccah!
[cheers and applause]
Yaminah-yaminah!
Hocko!
Shaka-laka-laka!
Homina!
Homina, homina!
- No, no, Mom,
will you please stop?
You're really embarrassing me
right now.
- It's he.
The great one.
- I'm not a god.
I'm not even kind of a god.
- Then how do you explain
these holy relics?
- No, there's--
they're not--
those are mostly
participation medals.
Mom, look, just face it.
There might not be--
maybe there's nothing
I'm naturally gifted at.
- Oh, really?
Nothing?
Well, what about that summer
at computer camp?
♪ ♪
You were the best in the bunch,
and they gave you
a certificate to prove it.
- Uh... wow.
- Made the frame himself.
Shop class.
- May--maybe you're right.
- [laughs]
- Maybe I've been
selling myself short.
- Oh, yeah.
- You know, maybe...
Maybe screw that office job.
- You say it!
- Soulless office job.
I'm gonna do something
with my life.
[cheers and applause]
I'm gonna--I'm gonna
follow my heart!
- Hallelujah!
- Mr. Pell,
could I speak to you a second?
Just a--
- Mm.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to put you
in this position,
but, uh...
upon further consideration,
I realize that I'm gonna
have to decline
that office manager job.
- I see.
- I just--
it would be unfair to me
to place limitations
on myself to do anything
other than follow my dreams.
[woman moaning]
- Are you watching porn?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Ugh, I can't believe
you still buy Schmort's Ice.
I stopped drinking this
cheap shit in college.
- And there, I did it!
- Did what?
- I just signed up
for a six-week beginners course
on computer coding.
I'm gonna try and be
a video game designer.
- That's awesome.
- Right?
No, I think
my mother's right.
It's time I start
living up to my potential,
and I think I might even have
an idea for my very first game.
- What is it?
- All right.
I can tell you.
You just got to promise
to keep it a bit of a secret.
- These lips are sealed.
- All right.
[blubbers]
You're, like, the first
person I'm saying it to,
like--okay.
It's called "Abandoned Planet,"
all right?
It's about a group
of space marines
who receive
a mysterious distress call
from an abandoned planet,
uh, but there's a twist.
The planet's not
actually abandoned.
- Who's on it?
- Like...aliens.
- Okay.
Josh, I play
a lot of video games,
so I have a higher bar
than most people...
But I got to say,
that is the coolest shit
I have ever heard.
- Really?
- Swear to God.
- [laughs]
I knew it.
- Dude, to "Abandoned Planet."
- To "Abandoned Planet."
Oh, this is so exciting.
- [chuckles]
- [groans]
- Oh, this beer is terrible.
It's like hot dog water.
- That's really bad.
[upbeat electronic music]
Phew.
- One of the most important
things you can't forget
is to use a semicolon at the end
of every line of code.
Otherwise your program,
it's just not gonna run.
♪ ♪
We wanna force the loop
to exit here.
What command do we use?
Josh?
- Uh, break command.
- That's correct.
Now we can work on
the code section below it.
♪ ♪
- Wow.
That's awesome.
- Congratulations, Josh.
Are we gonna see you
in our advanced class?
- You betcha.
- Good stuff.
- Yeah.
Phew.
Um...
Okay, uh,
am I in the right class?
- Yes, Josh, have a seat.
We just got started.
- Oh, thanks.
- Okay, now that you've all gone
through beginners coding,
which--let's be honest--
was a bit of a joke, wasn't it?
[all laugh]
We're now gonna get into
what I like to call
real computer programming.
There's gonna be a little bit
of a learning curve,
but you should be able
to get the hang of it
as long as you have
a handle on calculus,
analytic geometry,
data architecture,
and computational linguistics.
You're gonna be fine.
- Oh, man.
- Let's get started
by saying our names
and something interesting
about ourselves.
- Uh, my name is Sporlon,
son of Borlon.
I come from a race
of highly evolved
ultra-brained superhumans.
- I am Valeron,
son of Valeron.
I, too, come from a race
of highly evolved
ultra-brained superhumans.
- Josh?
- Oh.
Uh, I am Josh.
Uh...
and something interesting
about myself,
um...
Broke my elbow when I was ten
while I was rollerblading.
- Okay, uh--
- Yeah, thanks.
- Let's get started.
We then utilize
Dijkstra's algorithm,
visiting each vertex
recursively,
guaranteeing the shortest path.
[all murmuring]
- Hey, hey, Borlon.
Psst, Borlon.
- Yes?
- I'm struggling, man.
Would you mind helping me a bit?
- [sighing]
Fine.
What is it?
- Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
- No, it's awesome.
- I'm just, like, so confused by
this algorithm.
- Well, just pulse your neurons
until the answer
manifests itself.
- What? Pulse?
Pulse my neurons?
Pulse my neurons.
Was that in the book?
- I'm gonna pay attention
to Greg now.
- And that's that
on bounded heuristics.
Great first class, everyone.
Tonight's assignment
is just gonna be a fun one.
I want each of you to design a
professional quality video game.
- For [bleep] sake.
- This'll be
your "Call of Duties,"
your "World of Warcrafts,"
but not those exact games.
all:
Ha.
- [laughs]
- What?
- Wow, wha--
what?
I've never seen you work
this hard in your entire life.
I'm impressed, okay?
This is amazing.
This is really cool.
- Um, I am drowning, Liz.
The other students
are just so advanced, right?
- [sighs]
- They all... they get
the concepts... right away,
and I can't prove this,
but I suspect they may be
tapping into a collective
hive consciousness.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
- Well...
[clears throat]
Okay.
This is your dream?
- Yeah.
- So, if this is really
your dream, then...
- Yeah.
- Then screw
those other guys.
They sound lame.
- Yeah.
- You deserve to be
in that class.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
[yawns]
Man, oh, man.
That was one hell
of an assignment, huh?
Hey, uh, what're you
up to this weekend?
Do you wanna grab a beer
or something?
- Thanks, but I think I'm just
planning on lying low
this weekend.
- Oh, yeah, no.
Fair enough.
- All right, class,
I'm really excited
to see everyone's video games.
So who wants to go first?
- I do, Greg.
- Borlon, okay, great.
Why don't we all gather
around his computer.
- Actually, I can
project the video game
as a hologram from my skull.
- Great.
Show us what you got.
- [whispers]
Jesus.
[dramatic music]
Jesus Christ!
- Nice use of
the parallax occlusions
we talked about yesterday.
- I mean, I was just gonna say
the dragon looks cool.
- Ahh!
- My game is called
"Golden Blade."
- Very nice.
Pass.
Josh, would you like to go next?
- No--I mean, um...
Yeah, yeah, I could,
but if, uh...
Valeron or, uh, Ob--
um, Albien--Albon
would like to go--
- Don't be silly.
Come on, everyone.
Let's gather around.
- So, uh, yeah.
Here it is.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
[electronic static]
God damn it.
Uh...
What do you think?
Control, Alt, Delete?
Is that--
what do you guys think?
- That's--it's okay.
It's okay.
- We're done?
- Yeah--yeah, yeah.
[somber music]
I'm sorry, Josh,
I just don't think
video game design is for you.
- I--it--
but it has to be for me, man.
I got noth--like,
this--this is my dream.
- Sometimes dreams
are just dreams.
- Borlon, will I see you
at the cool party this weekend?
- Definitely.
- You--Borlon!
When I asked you what
you were doing this weekend,
you said you were laying low.
- Well, um, the thing is,
um, at the time that you asked
what I was doing,
I actually was planning
on laying low this weekend.
That much is true.
- I get it.
Just--just go.
- Thank you.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Mr. Pell, could I talk
to you for a second?
- Sure.
- [sighs]
Uh...
I-I would like to reopen
the office manager dialogue.
Uh, so, upon further...
further consideration,
I realize that I would love
to reaccept that job
if it were still available.
Truth is, I would be
lucky to have it.
- Great.
[explosion]
The truth is, I don't
really care, so...
you can have the job.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yep, right.
- Your expected wait time
is 40 minutes.
- Enter the item code
into the second entry field.
What the hell does that mean?
- Paycheck.
- Thank you.
- Your expected wait time
is 2 hours.
- What?
How did that happen?
- So, Josh, how are your
computer classes going?
Now, I want to hear everything.
- Yeah. Oh, good.
Good, thank you.
- I've never played
a video game in my life,
but once yours comes out,
I'm gonna be all over it.
- You should try "Tetris."
- It's a good one.
- By the way, I was reading
a very interesting article
in "The New York Times"
about Mark Zuckerberg.
I think you should talk to him.
- No, I--Mark Zuckerberg
doesn't want to talk to me.
- Oh, sure he does.
- Yeah.
- You two would have
a lot in common.
- Huh.
- And then when you're done
with that,
maybe you could take
a look at that printer of mine.
- [sighs]
You know, I really--
I appreciate the support.
The thing is--
- Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
I know you haven't
graduated yet...
- She did not.
- Oh, no.
- But I couldn't help myself!
We're just all so proud of you.
- Okay...
- That is so adorable.
Look.
[laughs]
- [sighs]
[somber music]
Yeah, uh,
I quit those classes.
I was just in way over my head.
I took that
office manager job.
- You're better than that job.
- No, I'm not.
I'm not; that job is literally
the best I can do,
and I'll be honest.
All the, like, overwhelming
expectation and pride
was making me feel
terrible about myself.
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, Josh.
I didn't want you to feel bad.
[sighs]
- Well, I'll, uh...
I'll get some plates.
- Dude, this game,
"Golden Blade," is sick.
- Yeah, yeah,
it was a big big hit.
Borlon knows what he's doing.
- Wait, Borlon made this game?
- Yeah.
- Must have just came
right out of your class...
- I guess so.
- And just killed it.
- Yeah.
- But, you know, I mean,
I'm sorry that your dreams died.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Whoa!
- Hey, we're out of beer.
Should we get more Schmort's?
- Actually, you know what?
I can do a lot better
than Schmort's.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
And I'll tell you what.
It's on me.
- Dude, that's awesome.
- That is awesome.
So how do I look?
- You look great.
Uh, let me just put your cap on.
both: Okay.
- Now remember,
tassel to your left.
- Oh.
- Okay?
You haven't graduated yet.
- All right, wish me luck.
- Good luck.
- Here goes nothing.
- Big moment.
[marching band music]
♪ ♪
- Greetings,
friends and loved ones.
We are gathered here today
to celebrate the young men
and young women
of this community
who are graduating
from their shitty beer
to a decent beer.
Also, keep in mind,
this week I have reduced
my mixed nuts to $6.99,
not like Ernie's
across the street,
but enough about me.
Now, the first graduate
I want to bring up today,
he used to be big, big loser,
and we would see him go outside,
we would laugh at him,
and he's almost a man now.
Please, help me welcome
to the cash register
Mr. Josh Greenberg.
[cheers and applause]
[band playing
"Pomp and Circumstance"]
- That's you!
Whoo!
♪ ♪
Joshie!
You the man!
- [mouthing]
This is a good one,
right?
both:
Yes!
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- $10.99.
- All right.
- Wait!
Wait, don't start without us.
- Hey!
- Hey, Bud.
I'm so sorry we're late.
- There--oh.
- Your mom forgot the camera.
- Oh, Tom.
[heartfelt music]
♪ ♪
Oh, look, Tom.
Tom, he's paying with a 20.
- It's a 20.
- Oh, my Josh.
- Would you like to donate $1
to the American Red Cross?
- No, that's--
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
[gospel music]
- ♪ With the good Lord
beside me ♪
♪ And his love to guide me ♪
♪ I know that someday
I can find my dream ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
- So those will be
product codes 1-1-4-K
and 1-1-5-K.
I know, exotic, right?
[laughs]
All right, thanks, Pat.
Good luck with that cold.
All right, bye-bye.
- Hi, sorry to interrupt.
Um, I'm the new temp,
and I'm wondering if I can get
a new chair for my desk
because the old one smells
really terrible.
- Oh, yes, that's--oh.
Of course, yeah.
Uh, I'll order one today.
It'll be here, um...
Uh, Wednesday.
- Great, thank you.
I'm Rosa, by the way.
- I'm Josh.
Actually...
Josh Greenberg,
office manager.
- Cool card.
- Oh, thanks.
Whoa...
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[Sufjan Stevens' "The Man of
Metropolis Steals Our Hearts"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Trouble falls in my home ♪
♪ Troubled man,
troubled stone ♪
♪ Turn a mountain of lies ♪
♪ Turn a card for my life ♪
♪ Man of steel,
man of heart ♪
♪ Tame our ways if we start ♪
♪ To devise something more ♪
♪ Something halfways ♪