Man Seeking Woman (2015–2017): Season 2, Episode 6 - Honey - full transcript

- [snoring]

[birds chirping melodically]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Radical!

[alarm blaring]

- Whoa! What?

Oh, yeah!
Nice!

Yeah!

Hi, there, Rosa.
- Hey, there, Josh.

- Uh, I was wondering
if you might like



to have lunch with me today.

- Oh, I'd love to...

but I'm going to have
to take a rain check

because I'm having lunch
with my boyfriend.

- How was your day?

- It sucked.

[alternative rock]

♪ ♪

- Mmm.

- Oh!
What is that horrible smell?

- It could be--I just microwaved
some curry I cooked.

- Please don't ever bring
your curry here again.

- Sorry, Mr. Powell.

- Look, I know
he's technically our boss,



but I think you should just...
curry on, my friend.

- Hey, ah?
Thank you very much.

Those are words
to live by.

- [laughs]

- Yeah, I think I might
have to curry on.

- Oh, yeah.
Ooh! Eggplant.

- Mm-hmm.
- Nicely done, sir.

- Thank you very much.
Thank you.

- I used to always put
eggplant in my curry.

- Cool.
Wait, used to?

- Mm-hmm.
- Why? What happened?

- No, I just, uh--
my boyfriend doesn't like curry,

so I don't really
make it anymore.

- It's killing me, man.

I am so into this girl,

and we're--we're--
we're perfect for each other,

but as long as her stupid boring
boyfriend is in the picture,

there--there's nothing
I can do about it.

- Dude, there's always
something you can do.

- Like what?
I'm not gonna try and steal her.

- That's not
what I'm saying.

All I'm saying is raise
your profile a little bit.

Show her that, should she ever
want to make a change,

you are a strong, viable
candidate for a new boyfriend.

- Huh.

So I wouldn't be actively...

- Yep!
- I--I'd just be sort of...

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

- Michael, that's
very interesting.

Hey, there Rosa;
I thought these

might come in handy,
fresh from the supply room.

- Oh, thanks, Josh.
That's so sweet.

- Hey, no problem.

- Oh, Josh.
- Can we get a comment?

- Do you have a comment
for News Wire? Listen.

We've noticed you've done a lot
of nice things for Rosa lately.

Is there any truth
to the rumors

that you're running
for boyfriend?

- I don't know
where you heard that.

I am more than proud

of my current position
as Rosa's friend.

Rosa already has a boyfriend,
which we all know.

Uh, do I agree
with all of his policies?

Of course not.

His no-curry policy,

for instance,
is not one I support.

- So, as Rosa's boyfriend,
you'd eat curry?

- I would, indeed,
but I'm not here to comment

on what might happen
in the future.

My focus right now is on being
Rosa's friend, period.

Speaking of which, I should
probably get back to work.

I have some funny YouTube clips
to send her over Gchat.

- Wait! One more question, Josh!

[all speaking at once]

- I'm sorry, folks.

That's all the time Josh has.
He is a very busy friend.

[laughter]

- Ahh!

All right, guys.
This is great.

We have to do this again soon.

- Josh! Josh!
- One at a time, one at a time!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
One at a time!

Guys!
- One--one at a time.

One at a time.
Uh, Janet.

- Josh, are you trying
to win favor with Rosa's friends

so they'll support you
in a run for boyfriend?

- No, I--I--
that's ridiculous.

As Rosa's friend,
I merely like to have

the occasional sit-down
with other friends of Rosa's,

uh, so that I can stay abreast
of the issues

that are important to them.

For instance,
I just found out about

some great spots to get salad
and about a play that has,

like, a deaf guy in it
or something.

- Did the topic of
her boyfriend come up?

- Oh, Steve.
You're killing me.

I won't lie.

They--they expressed
some concern

that he doesn't hang out with
them as much as they would like.

Uh, which is a shame.

These are great people

with beautiful stories
and unique voices

that deserved to be heard.

- All right, that's it, folks.
Thanks for your time.

- Just one more--
- Dude, check the numbers.

Your approval rating
with Rosa is way up!

Now is the time to pull out
the stops and go at this hard.

- What does that mean?

- Got to go negative.

- [sighs]

- Hey, uh...
you all good?

- Um...

Yeah.
I just--

I wanted to try this new
Mongolian restaurant...

- Ooh!
- With my boyfriend.

And I don't want to be obnoxious
and complain about it,

'cause you know he has
all of those food things,

but we never get to go
anywhere new, and it's just--

it's starting to get really...
annoying, and...

Ugh, God!
So sorry.

You're so not into this.
It's so fine.

- No, I--
- It's not a big deal.

You don't have
to listen to this.

- No, it is; it's about--I
would assume that's got to be--

eventually got to get
pretty frustrating.

- You know, there's just
so much he doesn't eat.

- Well, I just--I know
you love trying every different

kind of food,
just like I love trying

every different
kind of food.

So I can only imagine
what that would be like.

- It's kind of like,
how many nights in a row

can you have white rice
and steamed vegetables? Ugh!

- Uh, no nights,
no nights in a row,

if you ask me.
- Yeah!

Yeah, no nights.

- No nights.

[upbeat music]

- The Dinnergate scandal
rages on

with some critics now calling
for Rosa's boyfriend to resign.

Presumed boyfriend hopeful
Josh Greenberg spoke out

about the controversy
this morning

while on a fact-finding
trip in Iowa.

[applause]
- In the America that I know,

boyfriends take
their girlfriends

to Mongolian restaurants,
all right?

They--they--
thank you.

- Greenberg also sat down
with local farmers

to hear their thoughts
on the issue.

- If you were her boyfriend,
Rosa'd be a whole lot happier.

- I--thank you.
I appreciate that.

- And there wouldn't be
no mosque at Ground Zero.

- Hey, Josh, do you have
a comment about the mosque?

- Oh, shit. Um...yeah, I--
well, I think--I think--

[upbeat music]

- And a breaking story now.
This just coming in from Iowa.

Josh Greenberg
has just received

a phone call from Rosa.

- I love game nights!

That's a big yes, yeah.

I will definitely
be there.

Josh Greenberg
never bails on a date.

- Josh, Josh!
- Did you say date?

What does this mean?

- Josh, can you now
officially declare

you're running for boyfriend?

- Hey, folks, all I can
officially declare

is that I have
a game night to attend.

- You heard the man.
Back on the Fresh Talk Express!

[all speaking at once]

[cheers and applause]

- It's morning
in America!

- [sighs]

Hey, Rosa.

Hey, Rosa.

So...you guys, uh, game
for some games?

[laughs]
No, I...

all: Oh!

- All right.
Where do we put our bazaar?

- I suspect we should put
our bazaar relatively close

to, say, the caravan,
'cause that way we can trade

goats for resources because
you and I are very goat-rich.

- So I'm glad I'm
on your team.

- And I think you are.
- All the strategy!

- That's exactly right.

- Rosa, guess who decided
to show up.

- Oh, my God!
Yes, he came!

- Holy shit!

[exotic music]

- Hey, hey!

all: Hey!

- Is she--that's, uh--
is that Jesus Christ?

- They met at Dave and Buster's.
He's really cool.

- What's going on?
- It's been too long.

- I'm sorry it's been a while.
It's been crazy at work!

- With the lepers?

- The lepers, you know,
other stuff, you know.

They're really...
- He cures lepers.

- Oh, good. Good.
- Oh, hi!

Whoa! You must be Josh!
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's me, hi.
- It's so good to meet you, man.

I'm Jesus.
- Yeah, I know.

I'm--yeah, very
familiar with you.

- Well, I'm very familiar
with you.

- What?
- You are famous in this house.

You're office manager, correct?

- I mean,
you're Jesus Christ.

- Oh, come on.
- So you're--you're--

you're the son of God...
and God.

- It's so--
it's so complicated.

- Yeah.
-It took me a while to--

- I don't even
understand it.

- Yeah, right.
- When it was explained to me,

I thought, "Okay, so I'm the son
of God and I'm--and--"

at this point I'm just like,
show me where to go...

and I'll do my job,
and out I go.

Believe me, I'm going to...
game night?

What are we doing here?
I was thinking on the way,

what about "Celebrity"?
- Well, we--

[all speaking at once]

You are great!
- That's perfect.

- We had--no, no, no, no,
no, no, no!

Come on!
- You did pretty well.

And you did pretty well.
- No, I didn't.

- So why don't we do that.
Write down names of celebrities.

- Hey, Josh.
Are you coming?

- Uh...I don't--I don't know
what "Celebrity" is.

- You can be with us.
- I don't have to.

Uh, you know what?
I'll just--I'll just, uh...

- Jesus, Rosa and Josh,
we're gonna be the dream team,

and we're gonna kill these guys.

- JJR.
- Yeah, because you're--

- JJR, come on!
- Yeah, good, yeah, thanks.

- All right, guys.
Nothing too obscure, okay?

- Uh...Elvis.
- Elvis Presley.

- Yeah!
- Doing great, Josh.

- Thanks.
Uh...

Oh.

- Oh, Jesus!
- You--

- Oh!
- Who did that?

- Nate?
- Maybe.

- That's embarrassing for me.

- I had to.
- It puts me on the spot.

I'm not really mad,
but just...no more.

No more from now on.

You're, uh, uh,
on a wave?

Are you--California!
Surfer!

A famous surfer!
Do I know any famous surfers?

- I think we should pass.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- I think we should pass.
Just pick another.

All right, is it a--
a lady surfer!

- What?
Oh, who are the female surfers?

- Uh, uh, Michelle Rodriguez.
"Blue Crush!"

- Michelle--
Mm--"Blue Crush!"

- Time!
- We are--

- It was--
It was Keanu Reeves.

- Keanu Reeves,
Keanu Reeves!

- Oh! You should have done
"Matrix!"

The whoa!
- No, he was, you know,

he was doing the surfing,
"Point Break," right?

- Oh!
- You do "The Matrix."

- That's--that's on me.
That's on me.

So speaking of Keanu Reeves,
has anyone seen "John Wick?"

Did you ever seen "John Wick?"
- Oh, no!

- No, not yet.
- Favorite movie of last year.

- Oh, cool.
- The director did stunt work

for 20 years.
- Oh, cool.

- So the action is still-
Josh, you would--

as a matter of fact...

- What? What?

Whoa!
- I Torrented it, and--

which is fine because I do
get the word out on this one.

Please check it out and...
- Wow!

You don't have to give
this to me.

- Watch it and then call me,
and we're gonna talk about it.

- Thank you.
- I'm serious.

I'm not doing, like,
a fake, like, "Call me."

I mean, saying, "Call me."
- Oh, yeah.

- 'Cause I think you, Josh,
are going to like it

because I think we have
similar taste.

- Oh, cool.

[laughter]

- Time.

both: Time, time!

- You lose.
- It's--it's long enough.

So, uh, if you guys win
this round,

we're going to play
one more game and then...

- Anybody hungry, by chance?

- Oh, uh, I forgot.

Josh made something.
Chef.

- What--what is it?

- It is Josh's famous
Mongolian curry, in fact.

Yeah, I know it's a bit exotic.

It may not be
to everyone's taste.

It's definitely--it's not
for the unadventurous.

- Mmm, Josh!

Is that--
that's eggplant.

- Mm-hmm.
It's so good.

- Very informed palate.
- Is this guy single?

- She asked
if you were single.

Did you hear her?

- Guilty as charged.

Jesus, would you--
would you like some?

- No, no, no, no, no.
I'm very--

- You have to.
- I'm very full, very full.

- Like I said, it's exotic.
I know it's a big ask, so.

- Let me--I--I'll try--

Quick question--
and this is so annoying--

is it gluten-free?

- Yeah, I think so.

- You think so
or you know so?

- I know so.

- Josh...
you know so?

[eerie music]

- [whispering]
Yeah, yeah, I know so.

I know so.

- What?
- I know so.

- Okay.
You got clearance.

- That's all I needed
to know.

Even when I'm full,
I don't mind having a little bit

of something that's, um...
of the right flavor.

- Yeah.
- So why not?

- There's plenty more
where it came from.

- Josh...

Best thing I've ever had.
- Hey, come on, man.

- No, no, Josh.
I'm not kidding.

Best thing I've ever had.
- He doesn't lie.

- The taste.
- Thanks.

- And the texture...
- Good.

[ominous music]

- The texture is...

Babe!

Babe, look at me.
[gasps]

- What's happening?
- Oh, my God.

Where is it, babe?
Point to it.

Where is it right now?
Oh, my God.

I'll get the antacids.

- I--what--what? What?
- Move the bowl.

- Ow!
- What?

- The pain.
- The pain?

What--what--
what is happening?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

What...

- [grunting]

Josh...

you betrayed me.

[ominous music]

- I'm sorry.
- Ow!

Ah!

[grunting]
Ow!

- We should probably
be going.

- Okay.
I'm so sorry.

- You did
nothing wrong.

- It was--it's an accident.

Um...

What--what exactly
is wrong with him?

- He's got
flash diarrhea, Josh,

and it's extremely painful.

- Ah! Oh!

Josh, you told him
the curry was gluten-free.

- I know, I guess--
I guess I wasn't sure.

- If you weren't sure,
then why did you say...

[scoffs]
you were sure?

- I just thought
he was being...picky.

- Oh!

- Do you hear him?
He's in pain.

[Jesus speaking foreign
language]

- Is that Aramaic?
- Yes.

[both speaking Aramaic]

See, he's picky
because he has to be.

[toilet flushes]
He has Celiac.

That's why he's so thin.

- Oh, I am--I am...
so sorry!

- R-Rosa.
- Yeah, babe?

- It's not his fault.

- What do you mean?

- I just remembered.

I had a whole basket
of pita at lunch.

- Why would you do that?

- I don't even know
what I was thinking.

It was not the curry at all.
Don't worry about that.

- Josh, I'm so sorry;
I didn't mean

to come down on you
like that.

I just--I was really
worried about him.

- No, of course, I get it.

Totally, totally fine.

I would do the same thing.

- Okay.
I'm so...

- Um, do me a favor?

Um, I could use
some candles, maybe?

- Yeah.
- Um, some air fresheners...

- Okay.
- In the closet.

- Yeah, yeah.
Okay.

- [sighs]

- Yeah.
- Well...

That was a good--
good game night, huh?

- Yeah, I would say.
Uh, you know, uh...

Josh, I know
that it was the curry.

- Oh...shit.

- I forgive you.

- Thanks.

- And I also know
that you're into Rosa.

- You can read minds.

- No, no, no.
It's very obvious.

- Oh, shit!
- It's cool.

I still think you're
a good dude,

you're a good guy,

and I still want us
to be friends.

- For real?
- Absolutely.

[uplifting guitar music]

- Wait, hold on.

You forgot something.

You said you'd watch it,
so you have to watch it.

- Uh, thank you,
Jesus.

Uh, I'll see you tomorrow.

And, uh, thank you
for having me, guys.

- So no more of that
spinny, whirly thing?

- Yeah, no, there should be--
there should be very little

spinny, whirly thing.

- And--and I can still
get on Facebook?

- I--
- Huh?

- Yes, yes, you--
you--okay.

Go here, type the word,
"Facebook."

Like, here is--
here's mine.

- Ooh-la-la!

Who's this lovely lass?

- She's just a girl
I work with.

- She's quite a looker.

- I--I--she's beautiful,
but she also...

uh...has a boyfriend,

who is actually
a really special person.

- Joshua?
- Hmm?

- Do you mind if I give you
some man advice?

- Uh...no, no,
I don't mind.

- When I first met your mother,
she had a boyfriend.

Just like your
little lady here.

But I snagged her anyway.

You want to know how?

- Uh...
yeah, okay, how?

- I waited.

- Oh, that--that's
the--that's the--okay.

So...you just waited?

- Well, I wasn't sitting
by the phone,

if you know what I mean.

No, what I did
was crawl into a cave

and fall into
a five-month-long slumber.

- You mean you hibernated?

- I hibernated.

I ate twice my body weight
in honey

to give me a nice,
thick layer of fat

to keep me warm
through the winter.

Then I covered myself
with leaves and brush

and slowed my heart rate
to about 9 beats per minute,

allowing me to enter into
a kind of metabolic stasis.

In the spring,
I awoke and emerged

from my cave to see where
things were at with your mom.

She was still dating the guy,
so I kept waiting.

Huh.

Seasons came and went,
your mother seeing other men,

me slumbering in my cave,

occasionally lumbering out
to steal food from campsites...

that is, until the campers
started putting it

in these metal containers
I couldn't open.

Lord love a duck!

[screaming]

- And--and that whole time,
you never had a girlfriend?

- I had companionship.

[eerie music]

- [growling]

- [yelling]
- What the [bleep]?

- But no matter
what unspeakable acts

I was engaged in,
your mom was always

number one in my mind.

Then...one spring...

came the worst day of my life.

I found out
your mom had gotten married.

[ominous music]

No!

[thudding]

And I was captured and sold
into a Russian circus.

[yelling]
[whip lashing]

I performed for jeering
cossacks seven times a day.

Sergei was my trainer,
my friend, and my tormentor.

- [speaking Russian]

[cheering]

- But then one day I heard that
your mom had gotten divorced.

So I escaped the circus,
relearned English,

and asked her out
to dinner.

My plan had worked perfectly.

- Well...
- Finally it was Tom time.

- Thank you--
thank you for the advice,

uh, but I'm probably
not gonna, like, just...

sleep in a cave
waiting for Rosa.

- Neato.

- Are you boys hungry?

- Oh, yes.

both: Mmm-wah!

- Here we go. There.
- [growling]

- Oh...
- Oh, my God!

- Oh!
- Oh, my God!

- That's it,
that's it.

Okay, all right.
That's enough.

That's enough.
- More!

- Hello, hello.
- Hey!

- Mind if I sit down?
- Yeah, please.

Please.
- Okay.

- You--you were in band
as well?

- Of course.
- Uh, clarinet.

- [loud laugh]

Yeah, you were.
I was saxophone.

- What?

- Yeah, I wanted
to be Bill Clinton.

- You wanted to be
like Bill Clinton?

- Yeah, all the nine-year-old
chicks want to be Bill Clint.

- All right, all right.
Fair enough. Bill Clint.

[Lord Huron's
"Ends of the Earth"]

♪ I'm gonna stand on the peak ♪

♪ Out there's a land
that time don't command ♪

♪ Want to be the first
to arrive ♪

♪ No time for pondering
why I'm a-wandering ♪

♪ Nowhere the buses lay ♪

♪ To the ends of the Earth ♪

♪ Would you follow me? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ There's a world that was
meant for our eyes to see ♪

♪ ♪

♪ To the ends of the Earth ♪

♪ Would you follow me? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, if you want, I will say
my goodbyes to me ♪

♪ ♪

- [snoring]