Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 5, Episode 15 - The Big Wheel - full transcript
Mama and Iola quarrel over ownership of a winning lottery ticket. The winner appears on TV to try for more money, but things don't go as expected.
Grandma, Uncle Vint
took the last waffle.
Can you make some more?
Bubba, can't you
see I'm busy here?
Just fill up on syrup.
What are you doin', mama?
The Betty Crocker workout.
Iola and me gotta bake
six dozen snickerdoodles
for the Daughters
of Raytown tea.
Oh, snickerdoodles.
You used to always
make those for me
whenever I did somethin'
to make you proud.
- Remember, mama?
- Yep.
I haven't baked these
suckers in over 40 years.
Hey, the new lottery
is really taking off.
Listen to this.
"Entire Tri-State area
swept by lottery fever."
Mmm, boy, I'm
glad today's payday.
I wanna get me some
tickets before they sell out.
Vinton, they don't sell out,
they keep printin' those things
as long as they got
dodos like you to buy 'em.
Oh, phew! What a relief.
Just think, all we gotta
do is pick six little numbers
ha ha, and we're on easy
street for the rest of our lives.
Yeah, dream on.
The odds of winning the lottery
are about five million to one.
Yeah, but I got me
a system, mama.
I figure if I buy five tickets
then the odds are
only a million to one.
Huh? You get it?
The odds are shrinkin'.
The only thing that's
shrinkin' is your brain, Vinton.
Lottery is the bunk.
Oh, no, it's not, and I'm
gettin' a couple tickets myself.
Why don't you take your
money and flush it down a toilet?
Grandma, it's for
a real good cause.
Half of 1% of the money
goes to our schools.
Well, boy, that ought to
keep them cafeteria ladies
in hairnets for a whole month.
I don't care what
you say, Ms. Harper.
Somebody's gotta
win that lottery
and it might as well
be me and Vinton.
Mama, we are gonna get ourselves
a slice of that lottery pie.
Gee! You two couldn't get
yourselves a slice of cow pie.
Knock, knock!
Well, where in the
hell have you been?
Buyin' the cinnamon
for the cookies.
Well, where did you
go for it, the East Indies?
No, the Quickie
Mart was just jammed
with people buyin'
lottery tickets.
All three parkin'
spaces were filled.
Has the whole world gone mad?
Where's my change?
Well, it came to
exactly $1, so I decided
the fates were tellin' me
to buy you a lottery ticket.
Oh, no. You just tell the fates
to mind their own business.
You go on back down
there and give me my dollar.
I can't. There's no
refunds on lottery tickets.
Well, I want no part
of it. You just keep it.
Oh, thank you, Thelma.
Well, what the hell you
think you're doin' now?
You're supposed to
be helpin' me here.
I got to pick my
six lottery numbers.
How about one, two,
three, four, five, six?
No, they have to be
somethin' with special meaning.
You know, like, some people
use their children's birthdays.
Good idea. Do that.
I don't have any children.
Well, if it'll get you
to work any faster
you can borrow mine.
Let's see. Ellen was
born on the 30th of June.
That would be your 6-30.
And Eunice was
born on December 19.
Good Lord, that was the worst
Christmas present I ever got.
And let's see, Vinton
popped out on March 10.
So you got your 6/30,
your 12/19, and your 3/10.
Okay, I got it.
Okay. Well, where
are you goin' now?
Well, I got to go down
to the Quickie Mart
and give them these numbers.
Well, where's your
sense of values?
Chasin' off after
a million bucks
when there's
snickerdoodles to be made!
Oh, gosh, it's almost 6:30.
Time for the lottery show!
Oh, turn it on, honey! We
don't wanna miss the numbers!
Ha ha ha. There he is!
Larry McCary, the
rhymin' weatherman.
Oh, I'm so glad they
got him to host the lottery.
I just love his little rhymes.
This man drives me nuts.
I'm Larry McCary,
your lottery host.
Along with the weather,
I've got a new post.
Tonight, six lucky
numbers I'll be a-pickin'
with the help of my
friend, Matilda, the chicken!
It's just what that show
needs, another birdbrain.
Now, hush up, mama.
We got to check off our numbers.
Hey, how many of
those did you buy?
- A whole paycheck's worth.
- We...
But now I figure
my odds of winnin'
are down to only 100,000 to 1.
Is that all? Well, I don't know
why the chicken even bothers.
They ought to just
hand you the grand prize.
Now, remember, if Matilda
picks your six numbers
you have a chance
to appear next week
on "The Big Wheel" show
and spin for a million dollars!
Ha, come on, Matilda, come on!
What a smart hen.
She chose number 10.
As you have seen,
she just picked 19!
What's this dumb cluck gonna
do? Rhyme every single number?
Matilda, my purdy selected a 30!
Next, my hen picks,
the low number six.
Oh, I wish that chicken
would slow down.
I can't keep up.
You can't keep up with
Big Bird on "Sesame Street."
From up on her
shelf Matilda picks 12!
Goodnight! Shelf and 12
don't rhyme, you big dope.
Oh, gosh, golly gee.
The last number is three!
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
There you have our
six lucky numbers.
Well, I'm a loser.
What's new?
Yeah, me too.
Well, nobody ever
wins this darn thing.
I did.
What's that, Iola?
I got all six numbers.
I won.
I won!
I'm gonna spin the big wheel!
I'm gonna own this town!
Iola's right. She did win.
- Hey, hey!
- Wow.
Congratulations, Ms. Boylen!
Congratulations, hell.
She didn't win nothin'.
This ticket's mine.
Thelma, you give me
back that ticket. It's mine!
Says you. Who paid for it?
Well, you did, but...
- Who picked all the numbers?
- You did.
Who suffered through
all those hours of labor
to have those rotten
kids on those lucky days?
You did.
Case closed. The ticket is mine.
But you said you didn't
want it. You gave it to me!
Are you nuts? Why the hell
would I give you a winning ticket?
You give that back
to me, you thief!
I am not a thief, you liar!
This ticket is mine, mine, mine!
You fork it over right now
or you're gonna be
dead, dead, dead!
Hey, everybody. I won, too!
Oh, baby! I don't believe it!
Really, Uncle Vint? You
picked all six numbers?
You bet. I knew my
system would work.
Well, I always had
faith in you, son.
It looks like we have our
own winning ticket now
so you can just keep
your ill-gotten gains
you black-hearted beanpole.
Wait a minute, Uncle Vint,
you... you got all six numbers
but they're on six
different tickets.
So?
Honey, they're supposed
to be all on the same one.
Oh, I should've known that ninny
would never come through for me.
Oh, my, look at the
time. I must be goin'.
Hold it, slick. You
ain't goin' nowhere.
And why not?
According to my calculations
you have just given me
this ticket for the second time.
If you will excuse
me, I'm goin' home.
Iola, I'm warnin' you.
You step foot outside that door
and it's the end of
our friendship forever.
I mean it!
If you walk down those steps
don't you ever walk
back up 'em again.
Cross that street and
you're gonna be sorry
for the rest of your life!
Alright, this is
your last warnin'!
You go into that house,
and it is goodbye forever!
Well, if she keeps
actin' like this
we're gonna have a real problem.
Oh, there's got to be a
winner in here someplace.
Will you go put all
that junk in the trash?
Iola's gonna be here
any minute for tea.
Iola? Well, I don't want
that ticket taker in this house!
- No. She stole our money.
- Alright, that is enough.
She is my best friend
in the whole world
and I will not hear another
bad word against her.
Knock, knock.
Iola, precious.
I'm so glad you
decided to come over.
I missed you.
It's only been two hours.
Well, It seemed
like an eternity..
Didn't it?
Yeah.
I guess so.
Whatever you say, mama.
You see? Our little tiff
has upset my entire family.
That's why I am
begging you to forgive me
for all the harsh
things that I said.
Oh, nothin' would
please me more.
Th-there's no hard
feelings, over the ticket?
Not from me or from any member
of my family. Isn't that right?
Yeah.
I guess so.
Whatever you say, mama.
Oh, I can't tell you
how relieved I am.
Well, good. Then it's settled.
Let's say we celebrate
with a nice, hot cup of tea.
Move it.
Thank you, Thelma.
You know, I never realized
how my good fortune
would cause all this chaos.
Oh, no, don't tell me
it's startin' already.
What?
Oh, nothin'. I'm sure
it won't happen to you.
Snickerdoodle?
What won't happen to me?
Yeah, mama, what?
Oh, well, I'd rather
not discuss it.
The lottery curse!
Alright, there. I've said it.
The lottery curse?
Well, I don't know why
they really call it a curse.
I suppose it's just coincidence
that so many horrible
things have happened
to so many lottery winners,
time and time again.
- Really? I never heard of that.
- Shut up.
Everybody's heard about
that. Isn't that right, Naomi?
Oh, yeah, you read
about that all the time
in the "National
Informer". Yeah.
They got a lottery victim in
there practically every week.
What-what do you mean victim?
Um, well, for instance
that woman in Ohio that
won the 50 million bucks?
- Oh, oh, such a tragedy.
- Mm-mm.
Wha-what happened?
- Well..
- Uh, I'll take it.
You see..
She was this unmarried woman
who had devoted her entire
life to taking care of her parents.
Oh, gee, that does sound sad.
I haven't gotten to
the awful part yet.
When they announced
that she had won
her father had a
heart attack and died.
And her mother
never forgave her.
Yeah, but by that time,
she didn't care, see
because that ugly duckling
had hairy-chested hunks
lined up outside of her door.
Did it say how many?
Well, it only took one.
He swept her off her
feet and married her
and ten days later they found
her at the bottom of Lake Erie
wearin' concrete wedgies.
Oh, no! D-did he kill her?
Who knows? They found a
cement mixer in his garage
but... they never
could prove anything.
Oh, boy, I'm glad I didn't win.
Didn't realize how lucky I was.
Yeah. We can all
count our blessings.
Well, most of us.
Uh, Thelma,
I-I've been thinkin'..
Yes, dear?
Since this was your dollar,
and these are your numbers
it seems only fair if
we split the winnings?
Oh, I don't know, Iola.
I think this family is
all the curse I can take.
Oh, please, Thelma,
maybe if we go 50-50
the curse won't be so bad.
Well, I have lived
a long, full life.
I'm askin' you as a friend.
I suppose you would also
want this friend to go on TV
and spin the big wheel for you?
Oh, would you,
Thelma? Could you?
Well, alright. I guess
that's what friends are for.
Honey, look at all these lights.
Oh, I'd hate to see
their electric bill.
Vinton!
A professional makeup table!
Honey! Why, they've got
sponges here for everything!
Wow!
Oh, grandma.
Here you go.
I want you to hold my, my
rabbit's foot for good luck.
Thank you. I hope it's luckier
for me than it was the rabbit.
Hate to wind up with my
foot on the end of a key chain.
Here, Thelma,
let me put this on.
Us Boylens always
wear it for good luck.
Well, Iola, how lovely.
I don't believe I've ever
seen pearls quite so big.
They're not pearls.
They're mother's gallstones.
Well, good Lor..
Get these off of me!
Get 'em off right
now! Goodnight!
I need luck, not body parts.
Here comes Larry McCary!
Good grief! I haven't seen
that much makeup on a man
since uncle Izzy died.
- Hello, folks.
- Hi, Lar.
Come along, Ms. Harper.
We're about to begin.
- Good luck.
- Come on, grandma!
Get that million dollars, mama.
Matilda's ready, and chickens
don't like to be kept waiting.
Oh, well, by all means,
let's keep her happy.
Alright, you stand over
here, next to Mr. Parker.
And remember, when
the red light goes on
I wanna see sparkle, I
wanna see excitement!
I wanna see a million bucks!
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen
and welcome to "The Big Wheel"
where these two folks can
make their dreams come real!
Nice rhyme, Lar.
Tonight our lucky ticket holders
have a chance to
win a million dollars.
And remember, that
amount can be doubled
if my lovely co-host,
Matilda, lights up this sign.
I tell you what, that chicken
is more talented than Vanna.
Let's meet our first spinner,
and let's hope he's a winner!
He's Chad Parker, a
financial planner from Hinckley.
Tell us, Chad, what are
your plans for the money
if you win the grand prize?
I'm going to invest
50% of it in real estate
and the rest in
CD's and T-bills.
Well, Chad, what a fun guy.
Alright, Matilda,
it's up to you.
Is Chad gonna double
his money or not?
Single. Sorry.
Attagirl, Matilda.
Save it for mama.
Alright. It's time to
spin the big wheel!
Congratulations, Chad!
You've just won $10,000!
Drat. That's only
one lousy T-bill.
Too bad, Chad.
Now, Thelma
Harper's a Raytown girl.
Come on up, and give it a whirl!
Thank you, Lar. I gotta
tell you, I'm your biggest fan.
I think you're a better
weatherman than Willard Scott.
Okay, you gray-haired honey.
Let's see if Matilda
will double your money.
'Come on, Matilda.'
Double! Well, bless your heart!
God bless that chicken!
Alright, Thelma, you're
guaranteed at least $200.
And you have a
chance to win two million.
Are you ready to
spin the big wheel?
Yes!
Come on, please, Lord.
Make it a million.
Make it a million.
I won! I won!
We're rich! We're rich!
Oh.
Oh, mama. Look.
A hundred?
Tough luck, Thelma. That's
the way the ball bounces.
W-what do you mean? You
mean I don't get my two mill?
- I-I'm afraid it's only $200.
- Well, just a minute.
What kind of a crooked
game are you runnin' here?
- You put that ball back.
- Oh, I'm sorry. That's all.
We can't move the ball.
Give me my two
mill or I'm gonna kill!
- Call security!
- Let me on him.
Wait a minute.
You come back
here, you rotten thief!
Well, I hope you have
all learned your lesson
about that fool lottery.
I know I have.
Oh, baby, I'm so
glad to hear that.
Yes, sir. The next
time our ball lands
in the million dollar slot,
I am not movin' a muscle.
There isn't gonna be
a next time, you dunce.
I've got a feelin'
Matilda the chicken
has pecked her last number.
What makes you
say that, grandma?
What the hell do you
think you're eatin'?
took the last waffle.
Can you make some more?
Bubba, can't you
see I'm busy here?
Just fill up on syrup.
What are you doin', mama?
The Betty Crocker workout.
Iola and me gotta bake
six dozen snickerdoodles
for the Daughters
of Raytown tea.
Oh, snickerdoodles.
You used to always
make those for me
whenever I did somethin'
to make you proud.
- Remember, mama?
- Yep.
I haven't baked these
suckers in over 40 years.
Hey, the new lottery
is really taking off.
Listen to this.
"Entire Tri-State area
swept by lottery fever."
Mmm, boy, I'm
glad today's payday.
I wanna get me some
tickets before they sell out.
Vinton, they don't sell out,
they keep printin' those things
as long as they got
dodos like you to buy 'em.
Oh, phew! What a relief.
Just think, all we gotta
do is pick six little numbers
ha ha, and we're on easy
street for the rest of our lives.
Yeah, dream on.
The odds of winning the lottery
are about five million to one.
Yeah, but I got me
a system, mama.
I figure if I buy five tickets
then the odds are
only a million to one.
Huh? You get it?
The odds are shrinkin'.
The only thing that's
shrinkin' is your brain, Vinton.
Lottery is the bunk.
Oh, no, it's not, and I'm
gettin' a couple tickets myself.
Why don't you take your
money and flush it down a toilet?
Grandma, it's for
a real good cause.
Half of 1% of the money
goes to our schools.
Well, boy, that ought to
keep them cafeteria ladies
in hairnets for a whole month.
I don't care what
you say, Ms. Harper.
Somebody's gotta
win that lottery
and it might as well
be me and Vinton.
Mama, we are gonna get ourselves
a slice of that lottery pie.
Gee! You two couldn't get
yourselves a slice of cow pie.
Knock, knock!
Well, where in the
hell have you been?
Buyin' the cinnamon
for the cookies.
Well, where did you
go for it, the East Indies?
No, the Quickie
Mart was just jammed
with people buyin'
lottery tickets.
All three parkin'
spaces were filled.
Has the whole world gone mad?
Where's my change?
Well, it came to
exactly $1, so I decided
the fates were tellin' me
to buy you a lottery ticket.
Oh, no. You just tell the fates
to mind their own business.
You go on back down
there and give me my dollar.
I can't. There's no
refunds on lottery tickets.
Well, I want no part
of it. You just keep it.
Oh, thank you, Thelma.
Well, what the hell you
think you're doin' now?
You're supposed to
be helpin' me here.
I got to pick my
six lottery numbers.
How about one, two,
three, four, five, six?
No, they have to be
somethin' with special meaning.
You know, like, some people
use their children's birthdays.
Good idea. Do that.
I don't have any children.
Well, if it'll get you
to work any faster
you can borrow mine.
Let's see. Ellen was
born on the 30th of June.
That would be your 6-30.
And Eunice was
born on December 19.
Good Lord, that was the worst
Christmas present I ever got.
And let's see, Vinton
popped out on March 10.
So you got your 6/30,
your 12/19, and your 3/10.
Okay, I got it.
Okay. Well, where
are you goin' now?
Well, I got to go down
to the Quickie Mart
and give them these numbers.
Well, where's your
sense of values?
Chasin' off after
a million bucks
when there's
snickerdoodles to be made!
Oh, gosh, it's almost 6:30.
Time for the lottery show!
Oh, turn it on, honey! We
don't wanna miss the numbers!
Ha ha ha. There he is!
Larry McCary, the
rhymin' weatherman.
Oh, I'm so glad they
got him to host the lottery.
I just love his little rhymes.
This man drives me nuts.
I'm Larry McCary,
your lottery host.
Along with the weather,
I've got a new post.
Tonight, six lucky
numbers I'll be a-pickin'
with the help of my
friend, Matilda, the chicken!
It's just what that show
needs, another birdbrain.
Now, hush up, mama.
We got to check off our numbers.
Hey, how many of
those did you buy?
- A whole paycheck's worth.
- We...
But now I figure
my odds of winnin'
are down to only 100,000 to 1.
Is that all? Well, I don't know
why the chicken even bothers.
They ought to just
hand you the grand prize.
Now, remember, if Matilda
picks your six numbers
you have a chance
to appear next week
on "The Big Wheel" show
and spin for a million dollars!
Ha, come on, Matilda, come on!
What a smart hen.
She chose number 10.
As you have seen,
she just picked 19!
What's this dumb cluck gonna
do? Rhyme every single number?
Matilda, my purdy selected a 30!
Next, my hen picks,
the low number six.
Oh, I wish that chicken
would slow down.
I can't keep up.
You can't keep up with
Big Bird on "Sesame Street."
From up on her
shelf Matilda picks 12!
Goodnight! Shelf and 12
don't rhyme, you big dope.
Oh, gosh, golly gee.
The last number is three!
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
There you have our
six lucky numbers.
Well, I'm a loser.
What's new?
Yeah, me too.
Well, nobody ever
wins this darn thing.
I did.
What's that, Iola?
I got all six numbers.
I won.
I won!
I'm gonna spin the big wheel!
I'm gonna own this town!
Iola's right. She did win.
- Hey, hey!
- Wow.
Congratulations, Ms. Boylen!
Congratulations, hell.
She didn't win nothin'.
This ticket's mine.
Thelma, you give me
back that ticket. It's mine!
Says you. Who paid for it?
Well, you did, but...
- Who picked all the numbers?
- You did.
Who suffered through
all those hours of labor
to have those rotten
kids on those lucky days?
You did.
Case closed. The ticket is mine.
But you said you didn't
want it. You gave it to me!
Are you nuts? Why the hell
would I give you a winning ticket?
You give that back
to me, you thief!
I am not a thief, you liar!
This ticket is mine, mine, mine!
You fork it over right now
or you're gonna be
dead, dead, dead!
Hey, everybody. I won, too!
Oh, baby! I don't believe it!
Really, Uncle Vint? You
picked all six numbers?
You bet. I knew my
system would work.
Well, I always had
faith in you, son.
It looks like we have our
own winning ticket now
so you can just keep
your ill-gotten gains
you black-hearted beanpole.
Wait a minute, Uncle Vint,
you... you got all six numbers
but they're on six
different tickets.
So?
Honey, they're supposed
to be all on the same one.
Oh, I should've known that ninny
would never come through for me.
Oh, my, look at the
time. I must be goin'.
Hold it, slick. You
ain't goin' nowhere.
And why not?
According to my calculations
you have just given me
this ticket for the second time.
If you will excuse
me, I'm goin' home.
Iola, I'm warnin' you.
You step foot outside that door
and it's the end of
our friendship forever.
I mean it!
If you walk down those steps
don't you ever walk
back up 'em again.
Cross that street and
you're gonna be sorry
for the rest of your life!
Alright, this is
your last warnin'!
You go into that house,
and it is goodbye forever!
Well, if she keeps
actin' like this
we're gonna have a real problem.
Oh, there's got to be a
winner in here someplace.
Will you go put all
that junk in the trash?
Iola's gonna be here
any minute for tea.
Iola? Well, I don't want
that ticket taker in this house!
- No. She stole our money.
- Alright, that is enough.
She is my best friend
in the whole world
and I will not hear another
bad word against her.
Knock, knock.
Iola, precious.
I'm so glad you
decided to come over.
I missed you.
It's only been two hours.
Well, It seemed
like an eternity..
Didn't it?
Yeah.
I guess so.
Whatever you say, mama.
You see? Our little tiff
has upset my entire family.
That's why I am
begging you to forgive me
for all the harsh
things that I said.
Oh, nothin' would
please me more.
Th-there's no hard
feelings, over the ticket?
Not from me or from any member
of my family. Isn't that right?
Yeah.
I guess so.
Whatever you say, mama.
Oh, I can't tell you
how relieved I am.
Well, good. Then it's settled.
Let's say we celebrate
with a nice, hot cup of tea.
Move it.
Thank you, Thelma.
You know, I never realized
how my good fortune
would cause all this chaos.
Oh, no, don't tell me
it's startin' already.
What?
Oh, nothin'. I'm sure
it won't happen to you.
Snickerdoodle?
What won't happen to me?
Yeah, mama, what?
Oh, well, I'd rather
not discuss it.
The lottery curse!
Alright, there. I've said it.
The lottery curse?
Well, I don't know why
they really call it a curse.
I suppose it's just coincidence
that so many horrible
things have happened
to so many lottery winners,
time and time again.
- Really? I never heard of that.
- Shut up.
Everybody's heard about
that. Isn't that right, Naomi?
Oh, yeah, you read
about that all the time
in the "National
Informer". Yeah.
They got a lottery victim in
there practically every week.
What-what do you mean victim?
Um, well, for instance
that woman in Ohio that
won the 50 million bucks?
- Oh, oh, such a tragedy.
- Mm-mm.
Wha-what happened?
- Well..
- Uh, I'll take it.
You see..
She was this unmarried woman
who had devoted her entire
life to taking care of her parents.
Oh, gee, that does sound sad.
I haven't gotten to
the awful part yet.
When they announced
that she had won
her father had a
heart attack and died.
And her mother
never forgave her.
Yeah, but by that time,
she didn't care, see
because that ugly duckling
had hairy-chested hunks
lined up outside of her door.
Did it say how many?
Well, it only took one.
He swept her off her
feet and married her
and ten days later they found
her at the bottom of Lake Erie
wearin' concrete wedgies.
Oh, no! D-did he kill her?
Who knows? They found a
cement mixer in his garage
but... they never
could prove anything.
Oh, boy, I'm glad I didn't win.
Didn't realize how lucky I was.
Yeah. We can all
count our blessings.
Well, most of us.
Uh, Thelma,
I-I've been thinkin'..
Yes, dear?
Since this was your dollar,
and these are your numbers
it seems only fair if
we split the winnings?
Oh, I don't know, Iola.
I think this family is
all the curse I can take.
Oh, please, Thelma,
maybe if we go 50-50
the curse won't be so bad.
Well, I have lived
a long, full life.
I'm askin' you as a friend.
I suppose you would also
want this friend to go on TV
and spin the big wheel for you?
Oh, would you,
Thelma? Could you?
Well, alright. I guess
that's what friends are for.
Honey, look at all these lights.
Oh, I'd hate to see
their electric bill.
Vinton!
A professional makeup table!
Honey! Why, they've got
sponges here for everything!
Wow!
Oh, grandma.
Here you go.
I want you to hold my, my
rabbit's foot for good luck.
Thank you. I hope it's luckier
for me than it was the rabbit.
Hate to wind up with my
foot on the end of a key chain.
Here, Thelma,
let me put this on.
Us Boylens always
wear it for good luck.
Well, Iola, how lovely.
I don't believe I've ever
seen pearls quite so big.
They're not pearls.
They're mother's gallstones.
Well, good Lor..
Get these off of me!
Get 'em off right
now! Goodnight!
I need luck, not body parts.
Here comes Larry McCary!
Good grief! I haven't seen
that much makeup on a man
since uncle Izzy died.
- Hello, folks.
- Hi, Lar.
Come along, Ms. Harper.
We're about to begin.
- Good luck.
- Come on, grandma!
Get that million dollars, mama.
Matilda's ready, and chickens
don't like to be kept waiting.
Oh, well, by all means,
let's keep her happy.
Alright, you stand over
here, next to Mr. Parker.
And remember, when
the red light goes on
I wanna see sparkle, I
wanna see excitement!
I wanna see a million bucks!
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen
and welcome to "The Big Wheel"
where these two folks can
make their dreams come real!
Nice rhyme, Lar.
Tonight our lucky ticket holders
have a chance to
win a million dollars.
And remember, that
amount can be doubled
if my lovely co-host,
Matilda, lights up this sign.
I tell you what, that chicken
is more talented than Vanna.
Let's meet our first spinner,
and let's hope he's a winner!
He's Chad Parker, a
financial planner from Hinckley.
Tell us, Chad, what are
your plans for the money
if you win the grand prize?
I'm going to invest
50% of it in real estate
and the rest in
CD's and T-bills.
Well, Chad, what a fun guy.
Alright, Matilda,
it's up to you.
Is Chad gonna double
his money or not?
Single. Sorry.
Attagirl, Matilda.
Save it for mama.
Alright. It's time to
spin the big wheel!
Congratulations, Chad!
You've just won $10,000!
Drat. That's only
one lousy T-bill.
Too bad, Chad.
Now, Thelma
Harper's a Raytown girl.
Come on up, and give it a whirl!
Thank you, Lar. I gotta
tell you, I'm your biggest fan.
I think you're a better
weatherman than Willard Scott.
Okay, you gray-haired honey.
Let's see if Matilda
will double your money.
'Come on, Matilda.'
Double! Well, bless your heart!
God bless that chicken!
Alright, Thelma, you're
guaranteed at least $200.
And you have a
chance to win two million.
Are you ready to
spin the big wheel?
Yes!
Come on, please, Lord.
Make it a million.
Make it a million.
I won! I won!
We're rich! We're rich!
Oh.
Oh, mama. Look.
A hundred?
Tough luck, Thelma. That's
the way the ball bounces.
W-what do you mean? You
mean I don't get my two mill?
- I-I'm afraid it's only $200.
- Well, just a minute.
What kind of a crooked
game are you runnin' here?
- You put that ball back.
- Oh, I'm sorry. That's all.
We can't move the ball.
Give me my two
mill or I'm gonna kill!
- Call security!
- Let me on him.
Wait a minute.
You come back
here, you rotten thief!
Well, I hope you have
all learned your lesson
about that fool lottery.
I know I have.
Oh, baby, I'm so
glad to hear that.
Yes, sir. The next
time our ball lands
in the million dollar slot,
I am not movin' a muscle.
There isn't gonna be
a next time, you dunce.
I've got a feelin'
Matilda the chicken
has pecked her last number.
What makes you
say that, grandma?
What the hell do you
think you're eatin'?