Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 2, Episode 20 - Bowling - full transcript
In this special episode, we see what would happen if Lois took the kids bowling and what would happen if Hal took them bowling. Lois keeps the kids under tight watch, making Malcolm's night...
This sucks.
I know.
I wish we were old
enough to drive.
Then we'd never be bored.
I wish I could get out on my own
and make a bunch of money
and start the party.
I wish I was a bird.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
We're going bowling tonight
with some kids from school.
It's, like, four boys and
six, you know, girls.
Not that I care.
Doesn't make any
difference to me.
Why can't I go bowling, too?
Because you are spending
the night in your room.
You are being punished.
And tomorrow you are
going to the store
and buying Mrs. McNabb
a new parakeet!
Aw, Dad? Don't look at me.
As far as you boys
are concerned,
your mom and I are
a united front.
We're ready. Who's
going to drive us?
I'll do it. I'll do it.
You, to your room. March!
Come on, son.
Race you to your room.
Oh, boys, you are going
to have so much fun.
One complaint about
your behavior
and I'll come down on
you like a hammer.
Bowling strikes,
picking up spares...
And when you're getting
ready to roll,
the girls will be
in back of you,
checking out the old hinder.
This is one of the last places
you haven't been banned from,
so unless you want to spend
your Saturday nights
in the Laundromat,
you'd better behave.
Do I smell cologne?
Very sophisticated.
Is this Irving Street?
I've never seen
that church before.
Let's see, we were supposed
to take the second left
after we went over the
bridge, and then...
Oh, geez, how's anybody
supposed to find this place?
Here we are.
This is good, Mom.
You can drop us off here.
Yeah, you don't need to come in.
We can walk the rest of the way.
Oh, I understand.
You're at that age where I'm
an embarrassment to you.
Hi. I need two pair of shoes--
size seven and size nine.
Coming up.
Where did all my money go?
I've only got six dollars?
Uh... just give me one
pair, size eight.
You boys can share.
But Reese isn't
wearing any socks.
I'm not sticking my socks
in those nasty shoes.
Ha-ha! See?
Told you we'd find it.
Now let's just get you
set up with some shoes.
Ooh! Pricey.
Good thing I stole some cash
from your mom's
wallet this morning.
Go to sleep.
I don't want to hear
another peep out of you.
It's not fair.
I don't want to go
to sleep early.
Fine. Feel free to
lie awake all night.
Okay, go to sleep.
I don't want to hear
a peep out of you.
It's not fair.
I don't want to go
to sleep early.
We're not debating this.
I'm serious, Dewey.
I don't want any
trouble with you.
That means no pleading,
no whining, no crying.
You do understand why we're
doing this, don't you, son?
Hey, check it out.
Beth Ballard's here.
Yeah.
I hear she's why Mr.
Thomas got fired.
You can go now.
Thanks for the ride.
Where are the parents?
Are there no parents here?
Mom, please don't...
Where are your parents?
Who's chaperoning this?
Mom, we don't need a chaperone.
Okay, it's me.
We got two lanes
here-- let's use them!
You, you, you, you and
you, you'll use that lane.
You five use this one.
Mom, please don't do this.
Are you kidding?
You guys are bowling.
You could cut the hormones
around here with a knife.
I mean, what kind of parent
would leave these kids
alone with themselves?
Okay, I'll see you
in a couple hours.
Hey, there's
Beth Ballard.
Did you see that?
She smiled at me.
Hate to break it to you,
but she was smiling at me.
Okay, fine.
Let's both go talk
to her and find out.
Sounds fair.
Hey, Beth.
Hi, Reese.
Having fun?
I guess.
I'm kind of surprised
to see you here.
I mean, you're too cool
to have to go to
a bowling party.
Well, I could say the
same thing about you.
Hey, I've got a great joke.
How would you like to
take a walk on the beach,
feel the salt spray in your
face and the wind in your hair?
Sure. I guess.
Looks like you already have!
What's the matter with you?
You spit on me, you pig!
What? Don't you get it?
Yeah, just one game.
Oh, can you put me
down at the end?
See, my kids are here
with a bunch of friends,
and, you know, some are girls.
I don't want to
cramp their style.
That's just not me.
And another thing--
the next person who swears
is getting their parents called.
You can count on it.
I want to see a little
daylight between you two.
Let's go, Malcolm.
You can do it.
You're not going to throw
another gutter ball this time.
Mom, just let me bowl.
Okay, okay.
That's a good effort, Malcolm.
Yes!
Nice roll.
Thanks.
And you're pretty good, too.
I've got a joke for you.
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach...
Reese!
You're up!
Oh.
Hello.
Hey, Dad. I need a favor.
Let's hear it.
Well, some of the other cadets
are going in together
on an old car,
and if I put in $100
I get the car every
seventh weekend.
I could take road trips
and go on dates.
I could drive underprivileged
children to cultural stuff.
Oh, come on, Francis.
That's ridiculous.
I'm not giving you the money
to buy one-seventh
of a piece of junk.
Okay. Just thought I'd ask.
Later, Dad. Bye.
Hey, Mom, I need a favor.
Sure. Let's hear it.
Well, some of the other cadets
are going in together
on an old car
and if I put in 100 bucks
I get the car every
seventh weekend.
Get back in there!
I could take road trips
and go on dates.
I could drive underprivileged
children to cultural stuff.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I really don't think we can
afford this right now.
Of course. I knew
you'd say that.
Why do I even try?
Now you can go to bed happy,
knowing that you kept
my life a living hell!
Maybe the lane is warped.
Mom, please.
You're not that bad
of a bowler, Malcolm.
I know you're not.
What are you doing?
Try this one.
It's a lighter ball.
Mom, this is a
little kid's ball.
Just do it. Try it.
Pick a lane!
Your brother's not very good.
Maybe you should help him.
Nah. I couldn't do that
in front of everybody.
I'm kind of his hero.
It would just embarrass him.
That's sweet.
You know, you never
told me that joke. Oh, right.
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach,
feel the salt spray...
Reese, you're up!
Yeah!
Pop 'em and drop 'em.
I'm not buying it.
What's wrong, son?
Nothing.
Oh. Hey, you want me
to read you a story?
No.
Oh, come on.
Hey, I'll read you "Wilbur
the Worried Worm."
You love that.
Let's see, where...
Hey, here it is.
How about that?
Okay.
"There once was a worried
little worm named Wilbur."
Oh, perfect.
"Wilbur lived in a magic garden
filled with beautiful flowers.
One day..."
Ha-cha!
Man, six strikes.
You're on your way
to a perfect...
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Sorry about my brother.
We try to limit his
contact with humans.
Don't worry. You
still look great.
You're not very much
like him, are you?
No.
You're so cute.
I hate bowling. I love bowling.
Medium with thick crust,
mushroom, pepperoni... and
extra cheese, please.
Ah.
Gesundheit.
I am the mayor of Strike Town.
Yah!
Are you deaf?
What?
I guess that's a yes
to the "do you like my
lip gloss?" question.
Yeah. Uh, yes.
I mean, why wouldn't I say
yes to anything you ask?
Hey, not bad.
You're a pretty smooth talker.
What else are you good at?
A lot of things.
So, how about you pick...
one thing?
Maybe I will.
Maybe I'd like that.
Maybe you would.
My roll.
Maybe it is.
I just can't seem to
stop talking like this.
Stop talking like that, Malcolm.
You can do this--
now, just remember,
bend your knee on
the follow-through.
And remember to keep
your elbow in.
Why don't you just kill
me and get it over with?
Come on, I'm trying to help you.
Can't I at least
use a boy's ball?
No. You've knocked
over five pins
since you switched to that ball.
Aw...
You must really want
out of this room
to draw such a
manipulative picture.
Mm-hmm.
Go to sleep, sweetie.
That's $11.50.
I gave all my cash
to the video guy.
Do you take credit cards?
Yeah.
Is one enough?
Better make that two.
Thank you.
Gesundheit.
Oh, oh, wait. Where
are you going?
I have to use the restroom.
No, no, no.
Nobody leaves. But I...
No, no, no, please, please,
everything's got
to stay the same.
Please, I need you here.
I've never... I've never
been this close before.
You are a part of this.
You're all
a part of this.
Each a thread in a fabric
of the perfect game.
Oh, sure, it'll be my name
up there on that plaque
by the men's room door,
but each of you
know in your heart
that you had a vital
role Okay, okay.
in my success... Okay.
Okay!
Just... go quick.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
Gesundheit.
Two to go.
What's their problem?
Yeah. It's just bowling.
Relax.
I wish we could be
alone somewhere.
Like outside?
No. There's security
cameras out there.
Trust me.
You see, Malcolm?
Isn't it great when
you don't have
to worry about the gutters?
You can just bowl and have fun.
I wish we could be
alone somewhere.
Me, too.
Wait, I still have to
tell you that joke.
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach,
feel the salt...
You know what?
That's not a good joke.
Mom, I don't want to do this.
Malcolm, I didn't raise you
to stop trying when
something is hard.
You can do this.
You just concentrate
on those pins.
You throw the ball.
You are not giving up
until you bowl a strike.
Your mother's right, Connie.
My name's not Connie!
Okay, Mom,
you want to see a strike?!
Malcolm, what are you doing?
Look at me!
I'm the world's greatest bowler!
I care so much about bowling!
Bowling is so important!
Malcolm, come back here!
You want a strike?
I'll give you a strike!
Here's your damn strike!
Way to go, Connie!
Listen, maybe you shouldn't...
Connie, Connie.
Connie, Connie, Connie.
Connie, Connie, Connie...
Oh, man, that was classic.
Okay, let's go make out.
I don't think so.
...Connie, Connie, Connie,
Connie, Connie...
Okay, I think bowling's over.
Get your jackets.
I'm taking everyone home.
Turn in the shoes.
I'll meet you out front.
See? Nobody's here.
Yeah.
You know, I
think you're really cute.
Thanks.
You're cute, too.
Only one more.
Okay, I'm going for it.
I'm totally going to kiss her.
Gesundheit.
That counts, right?
300.
It has to count.
3-0-0.
3-0-0.
3-0... oh!
What's going on?
I haven't heard a peep out
of you in over an hour.
I'm kind of tired.
But you haven't tried
your fake running away
or your sleepwalking yet.
It's not like you to
give up so easily.
Hmm.
Maybe you've finally learned
that all those silly
little games you play
aren't going to
get you anywhere.
I guess.
When you're punished
in this house
you're going to serve your time.
There's no getting around it.
Well, I suppose you've
suffered enough.
I guess there's no harm in
20 minutes of television.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
Unless this is a new ploy.
You get right back
into bed, mister.
Okay.
No, no, hold on.
I'm-I'm... I'm being ridiculous.
Go, watch TV.
Wait, not so fast.
I'm not falling for it.
I'm being ridiculous.
But you are not
getting away with it.
Go, watch TV.
No, stop, stop.
Stay right where you are.
Okay.
Okay, I tell you what
we're going to do.
You are-are going to
watch television.
But it's going to be something
you're not going to enjoy.
That ought to do it.
Okay, who just won?
I'm not sure.
Hey, Mom, I've got to tell you--
I wasn't on board at
first with you staying,
but tonight was...
well, it was magic.
Hi.
What? You want to
make fun of me, too?
No.
I just wanted to tell you
that I thought it was
really brave of you
to stand up to your
mom like that.
And I also thought
it was hilarious
the way you didn't
hit a single pin
when you were, like,
what, an inch away?
Is there a point to all this?
No.
Do you want to kiss me?
Why do you think you
can come over here
and make fun of me and...
Okay, that's it.
Oh, for God's sake,
you are worse than your father.
You two are sitting on
opposite sides of the car.
Okay, fine, don't count it.
But you and I both know
that was a perfect game.
Reese, get out of
the photo booth!
Uh, hi.
You... you probably
want your privacy.
I'll get out of your way.
So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?
Next time, you take 'em.
Next time, you take 'em.
I know.
I wish we were old
enough to drive.
Then we'd never be bored.
I wish I could get out on my own
and make a bunch of money
and start the party.
I wish I was a bird.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
We're going bowling tonight
with some kids from school.
It's, like, four boys and
six, you know, girls.
Not that I care.
Doesn't make any
difference to me.
Why can't I go bowling, too?
Because you are spending
the night in your room.
You are being punished.
And tomorrow you are
going to the store
and buying Mrs. McNabb
a new parakeet!
Aw, Dad? Don't look at me.
As far as you boys
are concerned,
your mom and I are
a united front.
We're ready. Who's
going to drive us?
I'll do it. I'll do it.
You, to your room. March!
Come on, son.
Race you to your room.
Oh, boys, you are going
to have so much fun.
One complaint about
your behavior
and I'll come down on
you like a hammer.
Bowling strikes,
picking up spares...
And when you're getting
ready to roll,
the girls will be
in back of you,
checking out the old hinder.
This is one of the last places
you haven't been banned from,
so unless you want to spend
your Saturday nights
in the Laundromat,
you'd better behave.
Do I smell cologne?
Very sophisticated.
Is this Irving Street?
I've never seen
that church before.
Let's see, we were supposed
to take the second left
after we went over the
bridge, and then...
Oh, geez, how's anybody
supposed to find this place?
Here we are.
This is good, Mom.
You can drop us off here.
Yeah, you don't need to come in.
We can walk the rest of the way.
Oh, I understand.
You're at that age where I'm
an embarrassment to you.
Hi. I need two pair of shoes--
size seven and size nine.
Coming up.
Where did all my money go?
I've only got six dollars?
Uh... just give me one
pair, size eight.
You boys can share.
But Reese isn't
wearing any socks.
I'm not sticking my socks
in those nasty shoes.
Ha-ha! See?
Told you we'd find it.
Now let's just get you
set up with some shoes.
Ooh! Pricey.
Good thing I stole some cash
from your mom's
wallet this morning.
Go to sleep.
I don't want to hear
another peep out of you.
It's not fair.
I don't want to go
to sleep early.
Fine. Feel free to
lie awake all night.
Okay, go to sleep.
I don't want to hear
a peep out of you.
It's not fair.
I don't want to go
to sleep early.
We're not debating this.
I'm serious, Dewey.
I don't want any
trouble with you.
That means no pleading,
no whining, no crying.
You do understand why we're
doing this, don't you, son?
Hey, check it out.
Beth Ballard's here.
Yeah.
I hear she's why Mr.
Thomas got fired.
You can go now.
Thanks for the ride.
Where are the parents?
Are there no parents here?
Mom, please don't...
Where are your parents?
Who's chaperoning this?
Mom, we don't need a chaperone.
Okay, it's me.
We got two lanes
here-- let's use them!
You, you, you, you and
you, you'll use that lane.
You five use this one.
Mom, please don't do this.
Are you kidding?
You guys are bowling.
You could cut the hormones
around here with a knife.
I mean, what kind of parent
would leave these kids
alone with themselves?
Okay, I'll see you
in a couple hours.
Hey, there's
Beth Ballard.
Did you see that?
She smiled at me.
Hate to break it to you,
but she was smiling at me.
Okay, fine.
Let's both go talk
to her and find out.
Sounds fair.
Hey, Beth.
Hi, Reese.
Having fun?
I guess.
I'm kind of surprised
to see you here.
I mean, you're too cool
to have to go to
a bowling party.
Well, I could say the
same thing about you.
Hey, I've got a great joke.
How would you like to
take a walk on the beach,
feel the salt spray in your
face and the wind in your hair?
Sure. I guess.
Looks like you already have!
What's the matter with you?
You spit on me, you pig!
What? Don't you get it?
Yeah, just one game.
Oh, can you put me
down at the end?
See, my kids are here
with a bunch of friends,
and, you know, some are girls.
I don't want to
cramp their style.
That's just not me.
And another thing--
the next person who swears
is getting their parents called.
You can count on it.
I want to see a little
daylight between you two.
Let's go, Malcolm.
You can do it.
You're not going to throw
another gutter ball this time.
Mom, just let me bowl.
Okay, okay.
That's a good effort, Malcolm.
Yes!
Nice roll.
Thanks.
And you're pretty good, too.
I've got a joke for you.
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach...
Reese!
You're up!
Oh.
Hello.
Hey, Dad. I need a favor.
Let's hear it.
Well, some of the other cadets
are going in together
on an old car,
and if I put in $100
I get the car every
seventh weekend.
I could take road trips
and go on dates.
I could drive underprivileged
children to cultural stuff.
Oh, come on, Francis.
That's ridiculous.
I'm not giving you the money
to buy one-seventh
of a piece of junk.
Okay. Just thought I'd ask.
Later, Dad. Bye.
Hey, Mom, I need a favor.
Sure. Let's hear it.
Well, some of the other cadets
are going in together
on an old car
and if I put in 100 bucks
I get the car every
seventh weekend.
Get back in there!
I could take road trips
and go on dates.
I could drive underprivileged
children to cultural stuff.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I really don't think we can
afford this right now.
Of course. I knew
you'd say that.
Why do I even try?
Now you can go to bed happy,
knowing that you kept
my life a living hell!
Maybe the lane is warped.
Mom, please.
You're not that bad
of a bowler, Malcolm.
I know you're not.
What are you doing?
Try this one.
It's a lighter ball.
Mom, this is a
little kid's ball.
Just do it. Try it.
Pick a lane!
Your brother's not very good.
Maybe you should help him.
Nah. I couldn't do that
in front of everybody.
I'm kind of his hero.
It would just embarrass him.
That's sweet.
You know, you never
told me that joke. Oh, right.
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach,
feel the salt spray...
Reese, you're up!
Yeah!
Pop 'em and drop 'em.
I'm not buying it.
What's wrong, son?
Nothing.
Oh. Hey, you want me
to read you a story?
No.
Oh, come on.
Hey, I'll read you "Wilbur
the Worried Worm."
You love that.
Let's see, where...
Hey, here it is.
How about that?
Okay.
"There once was a worried
little worm named Wilbur."
Oh, perfect.
"Wilbur lived in a magic garden
filled with beautiful flowers.
One day..."
Ha-cha!
Man, six strikes.
You're on your way
to a perfect...
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Sorry about my brother.
We try to limit his
contact with humans.
Don't worry. You
still look great.
You're not very much
like him, are you?
No.
You're so cute.
I hate bowling. I love bowling.
Medium with thick crust,
mushroom, pepperoni... and
extra cheese, please.
Ah.
Gesundheit.
I am the mayor of Strike Town.
Yah!
Are you deaf?
What?
I guess that's a yes
to the "do you like my
lip gloss?" question.
Yeah. Uh, yes.
I mean, why wouldn't I say
yes to anything you ask?
Hey, not bad.
You're a pretty smooth talker.
What else are you good at?
A lot of things.
So, how about you pick...
one thing?
Maybe I will.
Maybe I'd like that.
Maybe you would.
My roll.
Maybe it is.
I just can't seem to
stop talking like this.
Stop talking like that, Malcolm.
You can do this--
now, just remember,
bend your knee on
the follow-through.
And remember to keep
your elbow in.
Why don't you just kill
me and get it over with?
Come on, I'm trying to help you.
Can't I at least
use a boy's ball?
No. You've knocked
over five pins
since you switched to that ball.
Aw...
You must really want
out of this room
to draw such a
manipulative picture.
Mm-hmm.
Go to sleep, sweetie.
That's $11.50.
I gave all my cash
to the video guy.
Do you take credit cards?
Yeah.
Is one enough?
Better make that two.
Thank you.
Gesundheit.
Oh, oh, wait. Where
are you going?
I have to use the restroom.
No, no, no.
Nobody leaves. But I...
No, no, no, please, please,
everything's got
to stay the same.
Please, I need you here.
I've never... I've never
been this close before.
You are a part of this.
You're all
a part of this.
Each a thread in a fabric
of the perfect game.
Oh, sure, it'll be my name
up there on that plaque
by the men's room door,
but each of you
know in your heart
that you had a vital
role Okay, okay.
in my success... Okay.
Okay!
Just... go quick.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
Gesundheit.
Two to go.
What's their problem?
Yeah. It's just bowling.
Relax.
I wish we could be
alone somewhere.
Like outside?
No. There's security
cameras out there.
Trust me.
You see, Malcolm?
Isn't it great when
you don't have
to worry about the gutters?
You can just bowl and have fun.
I wish we could be
alone somewhere.
Me, too.
Wait, I still have to
tell you that joke.
Would you like to take
a walk on the beach,
feel the salt...
You know what?
That's not a good joke.
Mom, I don't want to do this.
Malcolm, I didn't raise you
to stop trying when
something is hard.
You can do this.
You just concentrate
on those pins.
You throw the ball.
You are not giving up
until you bowl a strike.
Your mother's right, Connie.
My name's not Connie!
Okay, Mom,
you want to see a strike?!
Malcolm, what are you doing?
Look at me!
I'm the world's greatest bowler!
I care so much about bowling!
Bowling is so important!
Malcolm, come back here!
You want a strike?
I'll give you a strike!
Here's your damn strike!
Way to go, Connie!
Listen, maybe you shouldn't...
Connie, Connie.
Connie, Connie, Connie.
Connie, Connie, Connie...
Oh, man, that was classic.
Okay, let's go make out.
I don't think so.
...Connie, Connie, Connie,
Connie, Connie...
Okay, I think bowling's over.
Get your jackets.
I'm taking everyone home.
Turn in the shoes.
I'll meet you out front.
See? Nobody's here.
Yeah.
You know, I
think you're really cute.
Thanks.
You're cute, too.
Only one more.
Okay, I'm going for it.
I'm totally going to kiss her.
Gesundheit.
That counts, right?
300.
It has to count.
3-0-0.
3-0-0.
3-0... oh!
What's going on?
I haven't heard a peep out
of you in over an hour.
I'm kind of tired.
But you haven't tried
your fake running away
or your sleepwalking yet.
It's not like you to
give up so easily.
Hmm.
Maybe you've finally learned
that all those silly
little games you play
aren't going to
get you anywhere.
I guess.
When you're punished
in this house
you're going to serve your time.
There's no getting around it.
Well, I suppose you've
suffered enough.
I guess there's no harm in
20 minutes of television.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
Unless this is a new ploy.
You get right back
into bed, mister.
Okay.
No, no, hold on.
I'm-I'm... I'm being ridiculous.
Go, watch TV.
Wait, not so fast.
I'm not falling for it.
I'm being ridiculous.
But you are not
getting away with it.
Go, watch TV.
No, stop, stop.
Stay right where you are.
Okay.
Okay, I tell you what
we're going to do.
You are-are going to
watch television.
But it's going to be something
you're not going to enjoy.
That ought to do it.
Okay, who just won?
I'm not sure.
Hey, Mom, I've got to tell you--
I wasn't on board at
first with you staying,
but tonight was...
well, it was magic.
Hi.
What? You want to
make fun of me, too?
No.
I just wanted to tell you
that I thought it was
really brave of you
to stand up to your
mom like that.
And I also thought
it was hilarious
the way you didn't
hit a single pin
when you were, like,
what, an inch away?
Is there a point to all this?
No.
Do you want to kiss me?
Why do you think you
can come over here
and make fun of me and...
Okay, that's it.
Oh, for God's sake,
you are worse than your father.
You two are sitting on
opposite sides of the car.
Okay, fine, don't count it.
But you and I both know
that was a perfect game.
Reese, get out of
the photo booth!
Uh, hi.
You... you probably
want your privacy.
I'll get out of your way.
So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?
Next time, you take 'em.
Next time, you take 'em.