Mad Men (2007–2015): Season 1, Episode 13 - The Wheel - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

I like this for the powder room,

but definitely not the bedroom.

It's a little busy.

I'm not sure.

It's not the curtains
I'm worried about,

but the cabinets.

Nixon didn't stand a chance.

The Browns
trounced the Redskins,

31-10.

The results of that
last home game



has correctly predicted
the last six elections.

I wish someone would
have told me that.

Of course, it's
really a 50/50 chance

of being right.

Um...

I want to treat you like a son

because... I feel
that way towards you.

Okay.

Trudy told us that you
were up for a promotion

and you didn't
get it or something.

I wish she hadn't.

Now, she loves you.

And honestly,

I think you need to take
a little focus off your work.



This from one of the top
salesmen at Vicks Chemical.

When you started talking

about that Clearasil
company you bought...

Now, that was kind of
worth bragging about.

Did you know that there's a
surge in adolescents right now?

I'll tell you, Sterling
Cooper and yours truly

would love to help you
deliver that message.

See? Now that's
what I'm talking about.

The only family and
business you should be mixing

is the production of a child.

And what did Trudy
say about that?

[Trudy] About what?

Tom, loose lips sink ships.

I was just saying that work
isn't everything, you know.

It's like that song says:

um, tend your own garden.

What song is that, Daddy?

Uh, I don't know.

People say it. It's true.

It is true.

Yeah. Tend to your own garden.

That means...

you know,

start growing things.

Daddy! [Tom laughs]

You're embarrassing us.

It'll be the best
Christmas present

this one ever had.

And hell,
Thanksgiving's Thursday.

[Trudy laughs]

Oh, and I guess I
should go to Keppler Farm

to get some acorn squash.

What am I doing?
They have squash there.

Very good squash, actually.

I wish you would come.

Birdie, I'm a partner.

80% of my business
rolls out next week.

It just seems silly for me

to go down there for a
12-hour Thanksgiving.

What about...

Sally and Bobby's
childhood memories?

There was no reason you
couldn't have it up here.

You know my brother's
children are animals.

They can't make
the trip up here,

and I don't want
my dad to be alone.

I'll take a cab to the train,

and William will pick us up,

probably in some new car.

You know what? I...

I don't think you want to go.

I'm sorry. Was I
unclear about that?

I don't understand

why you can't make
my family your family.

Ken is perfectly
happy to have me here.

What do you think it's like?
He's a bachelor. It's dirty.

I'm not complaining.

I don't think it's a good idea

to spend money
on a hotel right now.

If you're so worried
about my well-being,

let me come home.

That's not what I meant.

I mean, I know how it sounded.

Jennifer.

Yes.

I'll quit if you let
me come home.

I miss you...

so much.

[door closes]

Those the legendary
secret files of Bert Cooper?

No.

I got a call from
Abraham Menken.

I'm sure you know that his
daughter will be unavailable

for the next three months,

taking some sort of
ocean voyage to Paris

and whatnot.

I hadn't heard that.

But otherwise?

There is no otherwise.

Why is this man calling me?

I don't know. Is he unhappy?

As a partner, I do not expect
your personal preferences

to interfere with our business.

Who says I have?

It was the tone of his voice.

He's her father.

That's it, cowboy.

[doorbell rings]

Francine.

I'm coming in. I'm freezing.

You're in your slippers.

I've been outside waiting
for you to come home,

just sitting in the car
hoping no one would see me.

What's going on?

Are your kids home?

No. What happened?

I'm so stupid.

I'm so damn stupid.

You're not, Francine.

Whatever happened,
you're not stupid.

My mind hasn't been so
sharp since I had the baby.

And Carlton gave
me a stack of mail,

and honestly I think
I just threw it away.

And four days later,
the phone was cut off,

so I had to go to
the phone company

and pay it, or, you
know, he'd have a fit.

And I had to do all this
without him knowing.

How perfect.

I don't understand.

They gave me the bill.

It was close to $18.

There were all these calls:

long distance, MH.

MH? Manhattan?

So I called one.

A woman answered.

I had just...

I said, "I'm calling from
Carlton Hanson's office."

She said, "Really?"

And I said, "He wants to have
dinner tonight at the usual place."

What made you say that?

What woman would he
be calling in Manhattan

who answers her own phone?

Married women.

Lots of women answer
their own phones.

So he's calling some
married woman from my house

while I'm upstairs sleeping?

Maybe it's a caterer.

Maybe he's throwing
you a surprise party.

Do you know he spends two
nights a week at the Waldorf?

I'm so stupid.

Assuming the worst...

The worst is that
I'll poison him.

He's so stupid,
he'd drink anything.

I'm going to have a
house full of people.

I'll poison them all:

his parents, my parents...

my kids.

Stop it.

Stop that, Francine.

You're emotional.
It doesn't mean...

Damn it, Betty. I
know everything.

What am I going to do?

I've been sitting
outside in the car.

What do I do? I thought
you'd know what to do.

Me? I... Why?

I don't know.

I'm s...

So embarrassed.

He doesn't know you know.

I know that.

[door opens, closes]

[children laughing]

[Woman] Go on upstairs.

I should go.

[Sally] Come on, Bobby,
let's go play in my room.

No. Don't.

It'll be okay.

Mrs. Draper, sorry I'm late.

Oh. It's okay,
Carla. You can go.

You want me to
unpack the groceries?

I'll do it. Just go.

Good-bye.

[door closes]

First things first.

When I call a meeting,

if you arrive after
me, you are late.

Boys, the stock in our stable:

Lucky Strike,
Bethlehem Steel, Maytag.

No automobile,
airline, pharmaceuticals.

Tobacco is on that list.

You're Cosgrove, right?

The powerhouse
behind the Rejuvenator?

Actually, it's called
the Relax-a-Cizor now.

What the hell is it?

It's a weight loss device

with a female pleasure payload.

Really?

I'm offering a
hundred-dollar bonus

to the first man who brings me

a meeting with a decision maker.

Gentlemen, here's
a list of people

you should be having lunch with.

I want you to run into people,
go through old yearbooks.

This means
everybody. Writers, too.

Bringing in business is the key

to your salary, your
status, and your self-worth.

I went to the
Athletic Club today,

and I sat in the steam
for an hour and a half.

In that time, I lost 4 pounds

and learned that
Kodak still isn't happy

with the campaign for
the new slide projector.

Is any of this sinking in?

"It's true that while
simply relaxing,

"I can get all the
benefits of calisthenics.

"A simple regimen of three
20-minute sessions per week,

"combined with a sensible diet,

"will restore your
youthful glow.

"I love the way
it makes me feel.

"The Relax-a-Cizor.

It's my little secret."

Thank you, Annie.

Uh, one more time... Rita.

Ahem.

"I never thought it
would happen to me,

"but I regained my
youth and my happiness.

Just ask my husband." Todd?

I think we're both
going to agree on Annie.

Which one is Annie?

Believe it or not, I like Rita.

She's got that voice:

randy and knowing,

like the Relax-a-Cizor.

Annie belongs on TV
with Rita's voice dubbed in.

Norma, thank you.

You can go.

Whatever the...

Special properties of
the Relax-a-Cizor are,

what we are selling
is confidence,

a better you.

That woman isn't
a better anything.

Annie is a confident,
beautiful woman,

and you can hear
it in her voice.

I can't believe I'm
in this argument.

Sorry about that, Rita.

Hi, Annie. We'll
do this tomorrow.

Check with Peggy
here for your session.

If I get a hard time about this,

I'm telling people
it was your idea.

It was my idea.

Just a minute.
I'll be right back.

Do you have to?

Peter.

That's risky business.

It is, isn't it?

What, honey?

You can say anything to me.

I can't provide for a child

on what I make.

Don't worry about that.

How could I not?

You can't.

Really?

You can't worry about that.

So stay here.

Oh... Peter.

Hi, Birdie.

It's 9:30. Why didn't
you just stay in the city?

Oh, I have work
to do here as well.

Do you know where
the slide projector is?

So you're not going
to see us for four days,

and you're not
going to see us now.

Bets, right when I
walk in the door?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just... I
had a terrible day.

Sit with me.

What happened?

Francine told me

Carlton has been
having an affair.

Really?

She was in pieces, Don.

I didn't know
what to say to her.

Well, what could you say?

I'm surprised she told you.

Why?

She's like a sister to me.

Of course she is.

I never liked Carlton.

He was never my favorite.

She should poison him.

Now you think
she should kill him?

How could someone do that

to the person that they love?

That they have children with?

Doesn't this all mean anything?

Who knows why
people do what they do?

Come on.

Bring the wine.

It's actually a
hell of a gadget.

It's continuous, doesn't jam.

They call it the
Doughnut or the Wheel.

They're expecting
something along those lines.

Kodak reinvented the wheel.

They're going to
hear that ten times.

They actually want you to use

the words Research
and Development

in the ads.

But if you could find a way

to put the Wheel and the Future

into something with some legs,

you could make me look good

my first month here.

"I never thought it
would happen to me,

"but I regained my
youth and my happiness.

"Just ask my husband.

"I swear, he looks at
me like the night we met.

"It's true that while
simply relaxing

I can get all the
benefits of"...

I'm sorry. We have
to get a level here.

No, we don't.

She doesn't sound
very confident.

She just started.

Give her a direction.

Okay, Annie.

Confidence.

Okay.

"I never thought it
would happen to me,

"but I regained my
youth and my happiness.

"Just ask my husband.

I swear, he looks at me
like the night we met."

Annie.

Yes?

Are you married?

No.

I could have told you that.

Well, try and imagine
you're you, Annie,

and now you have everything.

You're beautiful, you're slim,

you're the beloved
prize of a handsome man,

and you have everything
when you use the Relax-a-Cizor.

Okay.

It's too bad your
voice is so annoying.

"I never thought it
would happen to me,

"but I regained my
youth and my happiness.

Just ask my husband."

Hold on, Annie.

We have a problem
with the tape recorder.

Say something to her.

Make her feel beautiful.

You know, the confidence
that comes with beauty.

Pegs, a woman
who looks like that

will never sound confident

because she never is confident.

Baloney.

Honey, it's God's
gift to bachelors.

The juiciest gazelle
is the easiest to catch.

Can I... I have a bit
of a cold in my throat.

Can I get some pineapple juice?

There's a glass of
water in the corner.

It's great for your throat.

I didn't believe that, either.

Let's try it again, Annie.

Happy, confident, beautiful.

"I never thought it
would happen to me,

"but I regained my
youth and my happiness.

"Just ask my husband.

I swear, he looks at
me like the night we"...

Annie.

You're married.

Maybe you put on a few pounds,

but then you got
the Relax-a-Cizor,

and you're back to being you,

right now.

I don't know that I understand.

Annie, what don't
you understand?

I am being me.

Just give me a second.

I'll get it the way you want it.

"I never thought it would
happen to me, but"...

I never thought this
would happen to me, but...

"I never thought it would
happen to me, but"...

Look, Pegs, you
dangled her in front of me,

and now you're ruining it.

Don't do that to me.

Kenny, be
professional, would you?

This is not working out.

We're going to
have to let you go.

You could have gone
in there and said that.

In this order,

I want you to go after her

and console her.

And after you make plans

or whatever you need to do,

call Rita.

The older lady you liked?

She's probably home with
the Relax-a-Cizor right now.

Can you get me the, uh...

the Brighton Hotel,
Times Square?

[phone rings]

Brighton.

Yes. Uh, sorry to
bother you so late.

I'm looking for someone.

A tenant of yours

some... some months back.

A guest.

Yes. Uh,

I'd love to know if he
left a forwarding address.

His name is...

Adam Whitman.

Right. Can I ask what you want?

Just a forwarding address.

I'm trying to contact him.

He has red hair...

over 6 feet.

Now listen. I know
who you're talking about.

Jesus, I...

Hate to be the
one to tell you this,

but he hung himself.

What?

Yeah.

Adam Whitman.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Left the building
a bunch of money.

The city took it.

It was in the Post.

Oh.

Well,

I hate to be the one
to give that news.

Okay.

[ring]

[ring]

[Man] Hello.

Yes. Hello.

Who is this?

Who is this?

This is Dr. Arnold Wayne.

Mrs. Albertson, I
have warned you,

this is inappropriate.

[dial tone]

Are we on fire?

Don.

No. I, uh...

dropped a cigarette
in my waste basket.

Harry, come here.
I want to talk to you.

Okay.

Harry, I want to talk to you.

I can explain.

What is the benefit
of that thing?

Uh...

it sells projectors to people
who already have them.

Yeah, the wheel.

Stacks, you store
your slides in it,

and it's ready to go.

I took pictures for the
paper at Wisconsin.

The machinery is
definitely part of the fun.

It's mechanical.

What did you take pictures of?

Girls, mostly.

You could go up and ask
them their names afterwards

like you were going
to put it in the paper.

And some other stuff.

Artsy-craftsy stuff.

They gave me hell about it.

Artsy, like what?

Like the reflection
of a tree in a pond?

Uh, worse.

I did a whole series

that was just
handprints on glass.

You know, the way it
fogs up around your heat.

Take it off, take a picture.

Black and white, I suppose.

Of course.

I was always fascinated

by the cave
paintings of Lascaux.

They're, like, 17,000 years old.

The bison get all the attention,

but there are also all
of these handprints,

tiny by today's standards,

with paint blown
all around them.

Signature of the artist.

But I thought it
was like someone...

reaching through the
stone and right to us.

"I was here."

Are you okay?

That'll be all.

[door closes]

Glen?

I'm not supposed to talk to you.

Who says... Who said that?

My mother and my father.

I don't care.

My mother's going to come out.

I don't care.

Glen...

I can't talk to anyone.

It's so horrible.

I'm so sad.

Don't cry.

Please...

Please tell me I'll be okay.

I don't know.

I wish I was older.

Oh, adults don't
know anything, Glen.

I don't really know
how long 20 minutes is.

Of course, dear.

Don, I hope I'm
not bothering you.

I just wanted to let you know

I took Duck's talk
very seriously.

And without having to
crack my Deerfield yearbook,

I've brought in an account.

Good for you.

It's a piece of Vicks
Chemical Company.

Clearasil.

Better potential

than any traditional
pharmaceutical, I believe.

That's a real account, Campbell.

How'd that happen?

I'm not embarrassed to say

my father-in-law's
a former salesman,

now executive there.

That's generous.

He's interested in my future.

Congratulations.

I'm sure, with a
little bit of lawyering,

you're entitled to that bonus.

I got the bonus.

And Cooper gave me
some book by Ayn Rand.

He seemed assured,
as I hope you are,

that I have a significant
investment in this company.

Well, you do now, don't you?

It matters to me that
you're impressed.

I am.

Self-worth and status.

You said it.

[door closes]

Thanksgiving.

It's very n-nerve-wracking,

having to deal with
getting the family together.

My m... My mother didn't...

cook last year because
she was so sick.

And now I'm going to
have to deal with Gloria.

But it is Thanksgiving, and...

I'm grateful for things.

Like this.

This has helped.

Don doesn't
think so, but it has.

Being able to talk.

Just... Just me and
you and your little pad.

It has helped.

Still, I...

I can't help but think

that I would be happy

if my husband
was faithful to me.

My brother's children are
very badly behaved, and...

he spanks them.

Don has never laid
a hand on the kids.

He's kind inside.

But outside, it...

It's all there in
my face every day.

The hotel rooms.

Sometimes perfume...

or worse.

He doesn't know what family is.

He doesn't even have one.

It makes me sorry for him...

when in fact I...

I should be angry...

very angry, you know?

But I put up with
it, like some ostrich.

It's interesting, isn't it?

The way he m...

He makes love...

sometimes it's what I want.

But sometimes it's obviously
what someone else wants.

I suppose it means
I'm not enough.

But maybe it...

It's just him.

Don Draper and Salvatore Romano,

this is Joe Harriman
and Lynn Taylor.

No Eastmans
today, unfortunately.

They're all back in the lab.

It's a wonderful facility,

but they don't take vacations.

What do they show,
slides of them working?

So have you figured out a
way to work the wheel into it?

We know it's hard

because wheels
aren't really seen

as exciting technology,

even though they
are the original.

Well, technology
is a glittering lure,

but there's the rare occasion

when the public can be engaged

on the level beyond flash,

if they have a sentimental
bond with the product.

My first job,

I was in house at a fur company

with this old pro copyrighter,

a Greek named Teddy.

And Teddy told me the most
important idea in advertising

is "new."

Creates an itch.

You simply put
your product in there

as a kind of... calamine lotion.

He also talked about a
deeper bond with the product.

Nostalgia.

It's delicate...

but potent.

Sweetheart.

Teddy told me that in Greek,

nostalgia literally means
the pain from an old wound.

It's a twinge in your heart

far more powerful
than memory alone.

This device...

isn't a space ship.

It's a time machine.

It goes backwards, forwards.

It takes us to a place
where we ache to go again.

It's not called the Wheel.

It's called the Carousel.

It lets us travel the
way a child travels.

Around and around
and back home again...

to a place where we
know we are loved.

Good luck at your next meeting.

Don, I have to warn
you, I'm not alone.

It was beautiful.

Congratulations,
mein Kommandant.

They called from the lobby.

They cancelled
their other meetings,

including DDB.

Not just a victory for us.

It's a victory for civilization.

There's also more celebrating.

Mr. Campbell, here,

your father-in-law called.

He'll be in before Christmas.

I've got to get married.

No, thank you. I'm good.

Here's how.

Cheers. Cheers.

You know what, Pete?

I've got a way for you

to turn this account
into a home run.

He's on a roll.

Clearasil.

You know who buys that?

Young girls.

What a difference it
makes in their lives

to be blemish-free.

I believe it does.

We have the
perfect writer for that.

Peggy Olsen.

That's funny.

Freddy Rumsen and I
were both very impressed

with her insight.

Freddy Rumsen.

[Ken] If I can weigh in... No.

Come on. That Belle Jolie thing.

Plus you should have seen
her in that booth yesterday.

She was like
Kinsey but with balls.

[laughter]

Stop joking already,
will you, Don?

Excuse me?

This is my father-in-law.

He's expecting the very best.

I'm expecting the very best,

not some little girl
who'll walk away.

You'll have to give back
that copy of Ayn Rand.

Do you know how hard I
worked to get this account?

Who the hell is she?

Peggy is not even a copywriter.

She's a... a secretary.

Peggy!

Yes, Mr. Draper?

Miss Olsen, you are
now a junior copywriter.

Your first account

will be delivering Clearasil
to the spotted masses.

What?

Don't act surprised.

Is this really happening?

Yes, it is.

My goodness.

I will do my sincere best.

Good to hear.

Mr. Campbell, here,

will brief you
after the holiday.

Of course.

That'll be all.

Thank you, Mr. Draper.

I said congratulations,
didn't I?

Although sometimes when
people get what they want,

they realize how
limited their goals were.

So I guess I'll put you
in with Victor Manning.

David Steuben got fired.

Fired?

People hated his work.

Oh.

Will I get business cards?

Please make all your
requests through Bridget.

Of course.

Peggy, I know you a little.

Remember, just because
you now have a door,

don't forget that
once you didn't.

Think of the other girls,
or they won't think of you.

Vic Manning, I'd like
you to meet Peggy Olsen.

She'll be taking
Mr. Steuben's desk.

Nice to meet you.

I don't feel so swell.

I think I should go home.

I have to stop
eating off the cart.

If you're trying to find a
way to go out and celebrate,

you should ask your
secretary to cover for you.

Very funny.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You, too, Joan.

David and I had a deal.

No meetings in here, okay?

And no music.

What can we do for you today?

My stomach hurts really bad.

I think I had a bad sandwich.

Let's take a look.

Oh, my God.

Honey, you didn't mention
that you were expecting.

What?

You're going to be a mother.

That's impossible.

You want us to call your husband

or your boyfriend?

I don't understand.

Stop talking.

Now listen, we're going
to get you up to Maternity.

No. No, that's not possible.

Do you feel that?

Ohh! My God!

We need a wheelchair.

It hurts!

It's going to be
okay, all right?

We just want you to calm down.

You don't understand.

We need a wheelchair!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Call Dr. Wilson in Psychiatry.

Oh.

Hello, darling.

Oh, were they having
a party at the office?

Yes.

I think I should...

lie down.

That's a good idea.

Sure. Rest up.

But make sure
you're awake later.

Daddy!

Would you like
to try to feed him?

Don't you want to
hold him, sweetheart?

[baby coos]

[general chatter]

Hello?

Don?

What are you doing here?

Daddy! Are you coming with us?

No, he isn't. Daddy has to work.

But you can drive
us to the station.

I haven't called the taxi yet.

I'm coming with you.

Really?

You are?

I'll pack the car.

We'll be there before midnight.

Daddy's coming with you.

Daddy! Daddy!

[loud groan]

Oh, my goodness.

Hello?

Hello.

♪♪ [folk guitar]

[Bob Dylan] ♪
Well, it ain't no use ♪

♪ To sit and wonder why, babe ♪

♪ If'n you don't know by now ♪

♪ And it ain't no use ♪

♪ To sit and wonder why, babe ♪

♪ It'll never do somehow ♪

♪ When your rooster
crows at the break of dawn ♪

♪ Look out your
window, and I'll be gone ♪

♪ You're the reason
I'm-a travelin' on ♪

♪ But don't think
twice, it's all right ♪

♪♪ [harmonica]

♪ And it ain't no use ♪

♪ In turning on
your light, babe ♪

♪ The light I've never knowed ♪

♪ And it ain't no use ♪

♪ In turning on
your light, babe ♪

♪ I'm on the dark
side of the road ♪

♪ But I wish there
was something ♪

♪ You would do or say ♪

♪ To try and make me
change my mind and stay ♪

♪ But we never did too
much talkin' anyway... ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA