Mad Men (2007–2015): Season 1, Episode 12 - Nixon vs. Kennedy - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[Announcer] America is
still going to the polls at 4:00.

With some precincts opening
as early as 12 this morning,

voters across the
country are deciding

who will hold the most
important office in the fr...

[knock on door]

Herman Phillips, Bert Cooper.

Actually, "Herman"
goes on my checks.

People call me Duck.

My research says I
was not to call you Duck.

You should have told me that.



I don't know. I like
when you say Herman.

[chuckle]

Herman was in London with Y&R.

Isn't this a step down?

I don't know.

Moving back to the power center

of the universe, New York,

and the chance to
put on some weight.

English food. I
actually ate a kidney.

He landed American Airlines.

You could make something
like that happen here.

Well, you have to spend
money to make money.

So you're not
promising anything.

Why would I do that?



My goodness, he
does want this job.

I hope you play your cards

close to the vest with clients.

I will keep that in mind.

Here's a test.
Who'd you vote for?

If I say Nixon, you'll
think I'm buttering you.

If I say Kennedy,
you'll want to reform me.

So, uh, I'll say Nixon.

That's nice to see.

Cooper has a smoker
at The Waldorf at 6:00.

Marge told me.

23 skidoo.

At 6:15, we turn on the returns

and send for some ice.

Party at the in-laws'.

Another ending to a perfect day.

Well, Jennifer and I were
going to get tickets to Can-Can.

It's empty, you know.

She says apparently the
phone company is a war zone

on election night.

That's what I'm
hoping for around here.

Although, You better hope that
she's sitting at her switchboard

and not doing what we're doing.

It's my wife.

Besides, what if Nixon loses?

Won't that put a damper
on things around here?

Who cares? They
didn't want our help.

You should care.

I do. It matters for the nation

and for Sterling Coop.

But tonight, either way.

If Nixon wins, we win.

If Nixon loses...

Let me console you.

[door closes]

Oh.

That's him.

Duck Phillips.

I know his name.

Because it's Duck?

I grew up with a Tuck.

At least that has
an air of dignity.

Don took him to
Cooper. That's a first.

I heard he
disintegrated in London.

Got involved with some woman

he met at the British Museum.

Her name was Rosetta.

Rosetta Stone.

[Ken] He's divorced.
Lives in a hotel.

So what's this? His last stop?

[Ken] No. He's a killer,

but he's... he's damaged goods.

They're bargain hunting.

He's the best one
Draper's paraded around.

Let's see if Cooper's
smart enough to know that.

Can I help you?

What?

Can I help you?

Mr. Campbell
would like to see you.

Send him in.

Thank you, sweetheart.

So that Duck fellow,

I heard he fell apart in London.

American Airlines.

$7 million in billings.

He's not going to
bring that with him.

Listen, Don, I don't feel

you've taken me
seriously as a candidate.

Candidate for what?

For the head of
account services.

We may have had our differences,

but Roger knows I've done
everything I could to emulate him.

Roger's not involved in this.

Anything else?

I have the loyalty of our
most important clients:

Calvin Highland, Lee Garner.

These men trust me.

They invite me to their
grandchildren's christenings.

When Walter Veidt
needed a urologist,

he called me for
a recommendation.

Look, you're good at
your job. Cooper loves you.

What's the hurry?

It's been two and a half years.

I could have jumped
ship a hundred times.

Is that supposed to persuade me?

I have tremendous
value to this company.

I'm aware of that.

But I don't think you are.

I am. I just hope you realize

that, the way things stand,

there will continue to be
someone senior to you.

Why?

What can they offer?

All I'm asking is that
you think about it.

There are men younger
than me with this job

at bigger firms.

Cooper sign off on
what's-his-name?

Duck?

I'll keep you posted.

[door closes]

Oh.

He's got a big lead.

See you at the victory
party in the morning.

Absolutely.

Well, good night, Don.

He's gone!

Olly olly oxen free!

[cheering]

Do it. All rightie.

Who's got the cups? Oh. Sorry.

[TV announcer] With
early returns just coming in,

our NBC computer

is putting Senator
Kennedy's odds for victory

at a grim-sounding 22-1.

[cheering]

This is not good.

And liquor stores
are closed tonight.

Draper has plenty of booze.

We could ask her to join us.

That might soften her up a bit.

I have a bottle of
absinthe in my office.

Isn't that illegal?

It's marvelous.

I become incantatory.

And what does that mean?

It means he starts
making up words.

Can someone freshen this?

We're not going to make it.

Really?

If I let you into
that supply closet,

it is not going to be
the sack of Rome.

What do we have too much of?

Rum, creme de menthe,

dog biscuits.

♪♪ [rock 'n' roll]

May the best man win.

In matters
national and... local.

[Man on TV] majority
decision of the American...

[static]

[John F. Kennedy] I made
my judgment long ago.

Stop that. You're
going to break it.

Look. They're doing math.

What do the numbers say?

Who the president
is going to be.

[sighs] Hello.

Daddy! Hi!

Ooh! Ha ha ha ha!

I wasn't expecting you.

I thought you were going to
be watching returns at the office.

What are you doing up?

Mommy said it was okay.

I'm watching the news.

Nixon definitely
won our precinct.

You should have seen the line.

Mommy said to ask
you. What's the...

Electoral College.

I don't think that's
a conversation

appropriate for children.

Come here.

Do you want something to eat?

I'm going to fix a drink. You?

I'm set.

[Announcer] Senator Kennedy
seems to be closing the gap

on the vice
president's early lead.

State-by-state,
Ohio, Illinois...

♪ ...bom, tip-tip-de-bom-bom ♪

Come here.

What?

You better run.

Go, Allison!

White!

Pink!

You can tell me,
or I can find out.

What color panties
are you wearing?

What? Oh, my G...

Ooh! Blue!

Who had blue?

Can I walk you home?

I used to think I'd
find a husband here.

I think I'm going to go home.

No, don't go. It's
going to be fun.

What are you doing?

Why aren't you asleep?

What is that?

Nothing.

Myrna found it on
the top of the closet,

and I didn't want to look at it.

My father has a box like that,

and I looked at it
when I was a little girl,

and it was a mistake.

So you didn't open it?

Peter, I don't want secrets.

I can't sleep.

I know.

I've seen it the last few weeks.

You're not very quiet,

and every time I see
the closet door is open

and that box is gone,
I know you're out here.

And you never looked in the box?

It's not yours.

What are you doing with it?

I got it by mistake.

So give it back.

It's peculiar.

It's not yours.

Come to bed.

Vice President Nixon
seems to have carried

predominantly Catholic
Hudson County, New Jersey.

Kinsey, you're a liar.

I couldn't find any absinthe.

Who said you could
go in my office?

We were exploring.

But all we found was a large
collection of Mad magazines

and this fascinating
dramatic piece.

Death is My Client... Whoa.

A play in one act
by Paul Kinsey.

Give it to me.

[laughter]

"Peter Tollifson"... Ooh!

"An animal in the board
room and the bedroom."

Kenny! Whoa!

Now, remember, he's angry.

Why do I have to play Tollifson?

I wanted to be Galt.

Tollifson is the
hero. He thinks.

Galt's a thug

born on the wrong
side of the tracks.

You don't want to be Galt.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry. I don't
have the pages.

Oh. Sorry. [giggling]

Um, "I worked with
Tollifson for four years.

I shared everything,
but I never knew him."

"I thought I knew him.

He used to talk to me."

"I can't control my genius.

"I'm not some boorish natural

like that hack Cosgrove."

That's crackerjack, Kinsey.

"Your genius be damned."

"Perhaps."

"You can make
anyone buy anything.

Anyone but me."

Woo! Woo! Woo!

♪♪ [Schottische]

Turn the music down.

[Announcer] We
now have confirmation

that the State of
Ohio has indeed gone

to Vice President Richard Nixon.

Its 25 electoral votes

will go in Mr. Nixon's purse.

I'm...

I'm really tipsy.

I feel awful.

No, no. Uh...

it was me.

I'm... I'm drunk.

I'm happy...

but not myself.

I've never really
seen your eyes before.

There they are.

Just the two of them.

As Vice President Nixon's
home state of California

continues to count ballots,

both candidates bid their
supporters a good night.

Vice presidential hopeful
Senator Lyndon Johnson

had these words:

[Johnson] I'm very
proud of the manner

in which the Democratic
campaign has been conducted

and which the
people have reacted,

particularly in my
state, the entire South,

and in many states...

What's going on?

I don't know. feel,
uh, very confident...

It'll be all right
in the morning.

He'll win California.

The counting that...

Turn it off.

All Americans will be proud,

and I think we have
much to be proud of.

I think this is one of
America's finest hours.

Sit down.

No.

You can't sit
down in that dress.

You look so different
when you're drunk.

You're not going to call
me Orson Welles again.

You loved that.

Who wouldn't like that?

What did I do wrong?

You have a big mouth.

Joan, I never said...

You have a big mouth.

I do.

I'm not proud of it.

Did you like the play?

No.

The meaner you are,
the more I like you.

I know.

Just like that?

I thought we could dance.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Hildy, wake up.

Mm, it's cold in here.

It is. You have to get dressed.

I can't find my glasses.

That's too bad.

Tremendous.

Harry?

Yes?

I hope I didn't step on them.

Damn it.

There's an optometrist
on Lexington.

Great. Of course.

I don't want you to be worried.

It didn't mean anything, okay?

You're not drinking for taste.

Don't be such babies.

Oh, God.

It's definitely not helping.

I'm sorry. Does it offend you?

My shirt. And my mad
money. Who did this?

I stole your blouse.

I'm not joking. I
had $3.00 in here.

If I give you $3.00, will
you keep your voice down?

You're animals.

I'm reporting it to
building security.

Striking resemblance
to Broderick Crawford.

Peggy Olsen, Highway Patrol.

[door opens]

I've read three
different newspapers

with three different results.

I'm sure you know
something I don't.

Well, I just spent the night

literally in a smoke-filled
room at The Waldorf

with every Republican luminary
save MacArthur and Jesus.

There's been widespread fraud.

Daley gave Joe Kennedy

every corpse in Cook County.

Otherwise, Nixon wins.

It shouldn't have
been that close.

But it is. It always is.

Those jingles.

When they got Frank Sinatra,

I knew they would close the gap.

So what does he do now?

Walk away? Concede?

A recount in Illinois alone

means 30 days
without a president.

You don't want to win like that.

But you want to win.

He got 50% of the
vote, maybe more.

This way he lives
to see another day.

So... what happens?

Neil from P&G said

if Kennedy is willing
to buy an election,

he's probably willing
to play ball with us.

Ah, the optimism of the
American corporation.

It's a football game to them.

Doesn't seem fair.

Fair?

Very good.

Where do you think you're going?

If I were you,

I would be very, very
careful from now on

about the way you speak to me.

Can I help you?

What's that?

It's yours.

It came to me by mistake.

Well, thanks.

Have you reconsidered
my qualifications

for the head of
account services?

[sigh] Would it disappoint you

if I told you it hadn't
crossed my mind?

I feel strange having
to talk to you in this way.

Spit it out, Campbell.

I know that your name
is not Donald Draper.

It's Dick Whitman.

I don't know who
Donald Draper is,

but according to my friend Russ

at the Department of Defense,

Dick Whitman died
in Korea in 1950,

and Donald Draper
dropped off the map.

Although he's 43 years old,

in which case you
look remarkably good.

That's kind of elaborate.

Really?

I wish I knew more.

I bet a lot of people do.

Pete...

get out.

You're making
a fool of yourself.

You can deny it.

But I know it's true.

I can see from your face.

You should leave.

Don...

you should think about
how Bert Cooper will react

when he hears this information.

What information?

You're not who you say you are,

and there's obviously a reason.

Come on.

I would like you to
reconsider my qualifications.

You said everything
except "or else."

Assuming this information
is true, which it isn't,

it sounds to me like
you're blackmailing me.

I'm not.

I'm hoping you'll realize

that this all can be forgotten.

It's not like you're
a deserter, is it?

When you threaten
someone in this manner,

you should be aware of the fact

that if your information
is powerful enough

to make them do what you want...

what else can it make them do?

It's very simple.

And it's not a
threat. It's just a job.

Think about it.

Whitman.

Yes, Sergeant.

What is this?

This is it.

[scoffs]

One? I'm supposed to have 20.

This is going to take a month,

and it should take 48 hours.

Well, you're whining
to the wrong guy, sir.

[distant gunfire]

At ease.

Uh, this is for officers.

You can bunk next door.

I-I'd introduce you to the men,

but you're looking at
the complete company.

Where is everybody, sir?

They were gone when I got here.

I'm an engineer.

They're in some action 5
miles over that mountain.

You want to go?

The answer is no.

The locals stopped
showing up three days ago,

which, by the way, is not good.

You're going to be
doing all the digging.

Digging what?

Well, this unit... that's you...

Will be establishing
a field hospital,

but first we're going to be
digging fighting positions

on four sides.

What are you doing
here? Are you poor?

I volunteered.

You're kidding me.

Well, they got me with college.

But I'm three years, six
months nearly a civilian.

I'm supposed to be
building swimming pools,

not latrines.

You any good with that rifle?

I wouldn't want you to
mistake me for Chinese.

As much practice
as I've had, yes.

What misconception
traveled down the road

and made you want to be here?

A movie?

No. I just wanted to leave.

I'll bet you're reconsidering
if this was a step up.

Miss Menken,

Mr. Draper is here to see you.

Please hold my calls.

Did you run over?
You're flushed.

Let's go away.

Really? Where?

Anywhere.

Warmer weather?

Sure.

How about Los Angeles?

Mexico? I have money.

I have money, but I
have a store to run.

Don, are you well?

No, I'm not.

Did something else
happen to Roger?

No.

Something happened, and...

I want to go, and I want
you to come with me,

and I don't want to come back.

What happened?

What does it matter?
Isn't this what you want?

Of course. I've
thought about it.

My God, we've talked about it.

I just...

I just didn't think
it would happen...

I mean, especially this way.

I just... don't want
to be without you,

and I don't want to be here.

I can't just leave.

Maybe this weekend...

Rachel.

No. This isn't how I
thought it would be.

What is the difference?

We'll go somewhere else.

We'll start over
like Adam and Eve.

What, are you 15 years old?

My father...

Can't we be together here?

There's nothing here.

What about your children?

I'll provide for them.

And live in Los Angeles?

My God, you haven't
thought this through.

I feel sick.

You're wrong. I know
exactly what I want.

You want your children
to go on without a father?

You know how that felt.

Are you having an attack
of conscience after all this?

No. I'm watching you talk

because I feel I don't know you.

You know more
about me than anyone.

You won't even tell
me what happened.

Why are you doing this to me?

What kind of man are you?

Go away, drop
everything, leave your life?

People do it every day.

This was a dalliance, a
cheap affair. Rachel, don't.

You don't want to
run away with me.

You just want to run away.

You're a coward.

Please go now.

Get out.

[door closes]

Peggy, this is my office.

Does this door
mean nothing to you?

I'm sorry, Mr. Draper.

I didn't know you were
coming back. I just...

I just...

Calm down.

Stop it.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

Got to be some semblance
of privacy left here.

I had to get away from
them all for a minute.

Drink this.

Sonny from the elevator

and some janitor... I
don't know his name...

They got fired.

That's why you're crying?

It was my fault.

I called security.

They weren't even
here last night.

Peggy, I need to
be alone right now.

I know.

I know.

I don't understand.

I try to do my job.

I follow the rules,

and people hate me.

Innocent people get hurt, and...

And other people...

People who are not good...

Get to walk around
doing whatever they want.

It's not fair.

Finish it.

I've thought about
what you said.

Glad to hear it.

And then I thought about you

and what a deep lack
of character you have.

I can understand
your frustration, Don.

Believe me, I'm not enjoying
this any more than you are.

I'm hiring Duck Phillips.

Don...

don't make me go to Cooper.

I'm not making you do anything.

You haven't
thought this through.

I have. Really?

You're just going
to go up to the office

and tell Bert Cooper.

If I have to. I don't want to.

Let me ask you.

How do you think he'll react

when you tell him
this story of yours?

You expect him to promote you

after the way you've behaved?

I think he'll
appreciate the loyalty.

You haven't
thought this through.

I don't know.

But I'm pretty sure you won't
be working here anymore.

What are you doing?
Where are you going?

I'm going to take
care of this right now.

Is this like in the movies
where I have a gun

and you don't think
I'm going to shoot you?

I will shoot you.

I won't let you hold
this over my head.

So you'd rather blow yourself up

than make me head of accounts.

Why can't you give
me what I want?

I've earned this
job. I deserve it.

Why? Because
your parents are rich?

Because you went to prep school

and have a $5.00 haircut?

You've been given everything.

You've never worked
for anything in your life.

For gosh sakes,
don't you realize

you're going to lose everything?

I'm giving you a way out.

Would it be so bad?

Why is this so hard for you?

You're really going to do this?

More bad news?

If you came here to
drown your sorrows,

I'm not really
much of a drinker.

No. I just wanted to say...

I'm pulling the trigger
on Duck Phillips

as new head of account services.

Oh, good. Well done.

What?

I have to bring this up to you.

Only because I believe
if I kept it from you

in the end it would be
damaging to Sterling Cooper.

It has come to my attention,

completely by accident,

that Donald Draper here
is not who he says he is.

His real name is Dick Whitman,

but... Dick Whitman died
in Korea ten years ago.

It stands to reason that he
is a deserter at the very least

and who knows what else.

Mr. Campbell,

who cares?

What?

Who cares?

Mr. Cooper, he's
a fraud and a liar.

A criminal, even.

Even if this were
true, who cares?

This country was built and run

by men with worse stories

than whatever
you've imagined here.

I'm not imagining anything.

The Japanese have a saying:

a man is whatever room he is in,

and right now Donald
Draper is in this room.

I assure you,

there's more profit
in forgetting this.

I'd put your energy
into bringing in accounts.

Don,

fire him if you want.

But I'd keep an eye on him.

One never knows
how loyalty is born.

Shit!

Sir, what do we do?

Keep your head.

Don't shoot at anything

unless it shoots at you first.

What? What? What?

Shut up! Just stay down!

Shit!

Don't they know
this is a hospital?

We're nuts if they know that.

[gunfire stops]

Is it over?

I don't know.

You think they'll be
back? I don't know.

We didn't shoot
back. That helps.

You pissed yourself.

What?

Did I?

Crap.

[coughing]

[Doctor] How are we
doing, Lieutenant Draper?

[Soldier] On behalf of the
President of the United States

and the citizens of the
United States of America...

I present you with this
Purple Heart medal.

[Doctor] The
concussion was minor.

You'll feel like
yourself in a week.

The colonel here has
some good news for you.

[Colonel] We're releasing
you to the Reserves

for your last 80 days.

You're going home.

That's good news.
You're going to be okay.

Lieutenant Draper,

Private Whitman.

You were the last person

who knew him in his
chain of command.

We'd like you to take him home.

I think it would mean something.

[Doctor] Lieutenant
Nelson, how you doing?

On behalf of the President
of the United States

and the citizens of the
United States of America...

[driver] Bunbury.

This is us, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant Draper?

Just go.

I can't.

Okay.

There he is! I see him!

Who?

Dick. He's on the train.

I see him.

No, he's right here.

But I saw him.

I saw him in the
window over there.

Stop it. No more of that.

[Woman] It must be hard for you.

Did you know him?

A little.

You got your whole
life ahead of you.

Forget that boy in the box.

Look at you.

Let me buy a soldier a drink.

Dick!

Dick!

[sighs]

[Richard Nixon on TV] With that,

I want to say again

my deep thanks to
all of you who are here

and those who have listened

on television and radio,

and again my congratulations
to Senator Kennedy

for his fine race
in this campaign,

and to all of you...

[crowd cheers]

I am sure...

I am sure his supporters

are just as enthusiastic
as you are for me,

and I thank you for that.

[cheers, applause]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA