Mad Dogs (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Episode #2.4 - full transcript

I think that this, right now,

is the start of a whole new life
for all of us.

I've put the money
in the back of the car.

(Boom!)

They've come after us. Who have?
Whoever that money belongs to.

Get in the car!

(Speaks in Spanish)

Who are you?
I'm the man whose money you took.

If we don't give him three million,
boom!

Aargh! Aargh! Hector!

We've got 16 hours to find
140,000 euros.



Get down!
(Woman screams)

The money's rammed in there tight.

Three minutes! Jesus Christ!

You cut that fine.
All the money is there,

except, well, it is
a hundred euros short.

A hundred euros short?

We'll all have an ice cream,
and then we can decide...

what we're gonna do about it.

(Seagulls call)

(General chatter)

Organic, see?

Worth paying a little extra,
don't you think?

Any of you lot gardeners?

No.



(Cutlery rattles)

You, come over here.

Oh, wash those toms and chop 'em up
into little cubes for me, will you?

You!

Peel those potatoes and slice them
as thin as you can, will you?

Preparation and timing.
That's all cooking is really.

(Bowl rattles)

Oi, you!

Warm that pan for me, will you?!

I need to see that you can
work together as a team.

That you understand preparation
and that you understand timing.

(Whisks)

Do you cook, Quinn? No?

About time you learnt.

About time
you all learnt how to cook.

Pass.

Not eating, Baxter?

Which one shot the copper, then?

None of us did.
Someone did.

It was me. I did.

Ah.

I see.

No, you didn't, Quinn. I did it.
I did it.

Come on, guys, you know it was me.

(Laughs)

Get the fucking Sparta guy.
I like it!

You stick together.
That's gonna help you.

Alright, then,
where's the fifth Beatle?

Come on, tell me.

Which one of you's boning Yoko?

He is. He is. He is.

Nice.

(Thud!)
Can we just get this over with?

I mean,
enough of this omelette shit.

What do you want from us?
Was he always like this?

Whatever you're gonna do, do it!

And if not,
please just let us go home.

Now you raise
an interesting question,

um... (Clicks fingers)
Rick.

Rick.

You didn't do
what I asked you to do.

We gave you the money back.
You didn't do what I asked!

You messed up!

Now let us be clear about this.

I'm the one who was hard done by,
not you!

So now you have to put right
what you so royally screwed up!

And if you do,

I'll let you go.

OK. What do you want us to do, then?

A favour.
What if we say no?

Do you really want me
to answer that?

How do we know
that you're gonna let us go?

Well, that's it. You don't.

That's the beauty of
me having the upper hand.

What if we take our chances? Try and
get out of here, go to the police.

Tell 'em everything.
Possibly it could turn out alright.

You might find a cop that you could
trust, or you might not.

That's your call, son. But once you
start telling them what happened,

people who know me will get
to hear about it, and then...

it's only a matter of time.

Oh, I'm not an idiot. I'm hardly
gonna let you all walk out of here.

No, one of you's going to stay.

And if any of you try any heroics,

bing-bong.

So, who wants to keep me company?

Who'll volunteer?

Or do I have to choose?

OK.

I'll do it.

I'll stay.
No,

I don't wanna be stuck with you.

Quinn, you'll stay.

(Sighs) Where the fuck are we?

(Music plays / children squeal)

When I was younger
I used to walk that ridge

around the back of Alvo's
all the time.

Smoke a spliff,

take a lady up there,
show her the view.

The senoritas,
they make the highs high,

and the lows more frequent.

If you've got as much money
as you say you do,

why are you making us do this?

Don't you dare tell me
how to run my business!

I don't come into your bedroom
and tell you how to fuck your wife!

You think this is a game?!
"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"?

Take my money, bye-bye, adios!
Ta-ta for now!

We're all going back to Blighty,
mate!

I didn't know it was your money.

It isn't just about money.
It's about status.

It's about consequence.

Oh, I see.
You're doing this to prove what?

To everyone that you can still
get it up? Is that it?

I tell you what.

Go on then, stick a bullet in me.

Because, the truth is,

I don't know that I give a shit.

You reckon that all this
is just my Viagra?

That I'm addressing
my erectile dysfunction?

Not a problem. I'm not fucking Pele!

Is that what you really think?

Let me refer you to
the answer I gave a moment ago.

I don't give a fuck, mate.

You're starting to irritate me now.

I should've plumped for
that soppy blond twat. Fuck it!

Five seconds.

Give me one reason why I shouldn't
blow your fucking face off?

Well, that's just it.

I don't have one.

(Cocks gun)

What the hell are we doing here?

It doesn't matter, does it? If we
wanna see Quinn again, we do it.

If we'd let me be the hostage,
you know what I'd have wanted?

For you lot to make a break for it.

I'd have been pissed off
if you hadn't.

I'd have wanted you to pull this off
and come back and get me.

What are you trying to say?

D'you reckon Quinn
would want us to do a runner?

Or are you saying that so we think
that's what Quinn'd want

and we do a runner?
Christ!

Do you really think
I'm that manipulative?

Yeah. Yeah.

It's just gone 3.30.
Less than 12 hours till the drop.

We better pick up the pace here.
We're behind.

OK. Two miles east, it says we're
gonna find a small, stone cabana.

What the fuck's a small,
stone cabana?

I think we're know it
when we see it.

Perversely, dead people are
a major arse ache to me.

My business runs better
when people are alive...

and terrified.

What would you do

if I was to walk out of here now?

I mean, you're hardly likely
to plug me,

not surrounded by
all these happy campers.

No. But your three mates
wouldn't live to see the weekend.

How can our lives have
changed so much in just a few days?

It's just bad luck, boys,
that's all it is.

You make your own luck.
No, you don't.

Well, I think you do.
Nah. Life is all just luck.

But we're afraid to admit it cos we
all wanna be in control, don't we?

Luck of your genes, where you're
born, when you're born.

If you're born healthy or not.

Everything that happens to us
in one day, all of it,

is dictated by luck.

So all this is just unlucky?
Yeah. Unless you wanna believe

that we're being punished by
some power greater than ourselves.

Well, look. Isn't luck a power
greater than ourselves?

Yeah, you're right, mate.
How lucky is that?

Hang up. Wait.
We need to pick up Carmen.

It's left. Left!
We haven't got time, Bax!

Well, we can't leave her!
Jesus!

I don't believe this. I am not
leaving her on her own, Rick.

If they pull this off,

are you gonna let us go?

Or have you got
some other little assignment?

Alright, what if
they don't manage it, what then?

Why did you whack Alvo? Is there
anything in your life you value?

A woman? A child?
He was no threat to you.

A pet? It was a bit fucking
cowardly, wasn't it?

What about an ambition?
You see, for all his flaws,

underneath it, fundamentally,
he was a good man.

Travel, maybe? Never hurt anyone.
Ever seen the pyramids?

He left us his villa
because he feared for his life.

His first thought was to his friends,
what he could do for us.

Taj Mahal? Cos that was Alvo.
Grand Canyon?

Maybe that's why
I see no value in life.

I wouldn't bother with Vegas,
personally.

Cos, um, cos Alvo's dead,

and you're fucking not!

(Prolonged car horn)

Bax! Get a move on!

I've been thinking about...
South America.

Alright.

When this is over, maybe...
Baxter! Oi!

Fucking hurry up, will you, Bax?!

Yeah.

Come on.

♪ A shiny gun, shiny gun

♪ A shiny gun right now

♪ Shine gun, shiny gun

♪ It's time for a showdown

♪ I never want to hold the gun
without the gloves upon my hand

♪ Don't wanna leave the fingerprints
on the murder weapon...

♪ Shiny gun, shiny gun

♪ A shiny gun will blow you away

♪ A shiny gun, shiny gun

♪ Shiny gun right now! ♪

(Iaboured breaths)

Gracias.

Guys,

let's go.

(Door shuts)

(Engine starts)

(Loud music plays / laughter)

OK, Carms.
(Sighs)

Con cuidado. Hm?

Call as soon as it's done, OK?
OK.

How are we doing for time?
3am. We're on target.

Hey, move over, Bax. Hey?
I wanna sit next to you. Why?

I don't like my back facing the way
I'm going. It makes me feel dickie.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!

Fucking hell, Rick.
For fuck's sake!

What do I do?
Pick 'em up or leave 'em?

Just sit there. We've gotta move.
Jesus!

(Loud music plays)

(Sighs)

It's Baxter, is it?

(Speaks in Spanish)

Para aqui, para aqui.

Aqui. Aqui.

(Door closes)
Come on, let's go! Let's go!

How long have we got?
We've got 45 minutes.

Come on!

(Engine revs)

(Loud music plays)

Great! Hit the horn!
(Horn)

Come on! Move it! Oi!
Get out of my fucking way!

Get out of the way! Jesus! We're
never gonna get there like this.

Move it, mate! Ah, fuck this!
Woody, back up!

Where are you going?

I said go left. Go left!

Alright, come on, mate! Move it!

(Sighs)

If I was a betting man...

(Knocks)

(Door opens)

Well,

I'm afraid that's your lot.

Right, what are we looking for?
A caravan. He said a caravan!

Please!

There! There!

OK.
Fuck!

(Cocks gun)
No! Fuck!

Where is he?
(Gasps)

Did you do it?
Yeah. Where is he?

(Whistles)
Hold up!

(Gasps)

Hey. Are you alright, mate?

Yeah?
Yeah.

What took ya?
Come on.

Open it.

Five million!

Don't worry,
I won't ask you to count it.

You said... You said,
if we did this we could go home.

So, is it alright if we...

go, then?

Is this one of your batch?

(Sniffs)

Oh, I'm... tripping!

Whoa! Ho-ho!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(Laughs) Your faces.

Don't worry. You just cooked me
a hundred thousand moody tabs.

What?
Fakes.

You'd get as big a hit out of that

as you would out of
a sherbet Dip Dab.

Hold up.

They gave us five million euros
for 100,000 tabs of E.

I mean, that's 50 euros a tab.
That can't be right.

Well done.
You should be an accountant.

They thought they were buying
high-grade, pure MDMA.

Behave with enough confidence,
people will buy anything.

If this was just a trick with phoney
gear, why the fuck did you have us

schlepping up over hill and dale and
doing all that cooking bollocks?

Because I can.
Because you can, yeah?

Woody, just leave it.
Oh, stop whining.

It's much more interesting
than your average holiday.

Alright, so what now?
Well, you can go. Obviously.

But I wouldn't hang around, cos it
won't take them long to work out

exactly what happened. A freight
ferry's leaving for the mainland.

They'll be loading in about an hour.

You'll find one of my trucks
in bay 23,

get in the back,
you get a free ride.

Wake up in Barcelona.

You know where the port is?

Yes, thanks.

No.

No?

Go down that road, turn left, carry
on straight till you hit the port.

Left, straight to the port. Great.
Yeah.

Hey, is it alright
if we take the van? Fuck off!

I tell you what, though.

You can have that, though,
if you like? The money.

Let me leave you with this thought.

Happiness doesn't come from
getting something you don't have,

it comes from recognising something
you do have.

It's up here.

No, hang on a minute.
I've got to go back and get Carmen.

We ain't got time to go back
into town. We do. I have to.

Phone her from the mainland. Arrange
to meet her. No. I've gotta go.

You've got to leave her. Oh,
come on! I've gotta go and get her!

We can't risk it! Come on!

Bax, let's go. Serious. Come on.

(Speaks in Spanish)

Well, the saddest thing of all

is not to lose someone.

The saddest thing of all
is when you find someone

and then lose them.

♪ In a manner of speaking

♪ I just want to say

♪ That I could never forget the way

♪ You told me everything
by saying nothing

♪ In a manner of speaking

♪ I don't understand

♪ I love the silence

♪ Then comes reprimand

♪ The way that I feel about you

♪ Is beyond words

♪ Oh, give me the words

♪ Give me the words... ♪

Hey, Quinn, what are you going to do
when you get to Barcelona?

I think I might cross the Atlantic.

Yeah.

Yeah, go by sea.

I've always fancied doing that.

We'll see you again though,
won't we? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And once I get settled
and everything, you know.

And obviously I wanna come back
to see the kids and things.

What about you, Woody?

Part of me reckons, I don't know,
maybe I'll look for a new start.

And what about Amy?
I don't think the same anymore.

I can't expect to be with her and
not let her know what's happened.

Yeah, you can.
I can't, Rick. I'm not like you.

I'm gonna hole up in Barcelona,

get in touch with Carmen,

and wait till she come across.

Do you think she'll come, Bax?

Yeah.

Yeah, she'll come.

So is it just me
going back to England, then?

It looks like it.

I don't wanna go on my own.

I don't really wanna go back at all.

I mean, I wanna see my kids, but...

Hey.

Do you we're, um,

we're, like, millionaires now?

(Laughs)

Fuckin' freaky guy, wasn't he?

You wanna spend the night in
a fucking caravan with him, mate!

He'll get done, sooner or later.

How do you know that, then?

Well, they always do, don't they?

I wasn't gonna tell you this, but...

I made a call.

Customs & Excise.

A got his number, didn't I?
So they can trace him.

There's one thing
nobody can escape from.

Don't matter how big
a master criminal you are.

The VAT man.

Wait. Are you saying you've
told the VAT man about him?

Yeah.

It's like Al Capone, innit?
They got him for tax in the end.

Don't worry, I didn't mention
any names or anything.

You don't think they'll figure out
who tipped them off, you idiot?!

And come after us!
Well, no, he can't, can he?

Well, I didn't know
he was gonna let us go, did I?

Look, I thought
we were all gonna die.

I mean, I was trying to save us.
Rick!

I didn't know he was
gonna give us five million euros.

(Foghorn)

(Beeping / clunking)

(All groan)

(Clunk!)

I suppose this must be it, then.

Hello, gentlemen.

(Cocks gun)

Well done on bringing us the money.

Welcome to Morocco.