Mad About You (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - Happy Birthday, Bon Voyage, Goodbye For Now - full transcript

I know, 18 years old,
can you believe it?

And she's a sweetheart.

Ah, well thank you.
Yeah, she's a good kid.

- She's an incredible spirit.
- Ah, well that's very sweet Mark,

- thank you. Well, she's a good kid.
- Good kid, Paul. She's a gem, Paul.

Yeah she's a... yeah...
Mark, I'm agreeing with you.

She's a good kid, yes. And so tomorrow,

tomorrow 7:00 at Ira's.

And it's a surprise, all right?

So keep it under your hat, buddy.

All right? All right, see you there.



Okay, so that's everybody.

This is gonna be a
beautiful birthday party.

I'm gonna say it again.
This is a terrible idea.

What are you talk...
we have to have a party.

It's our last chance to
celebrate our kid as a kid.

I know, but she doesn't want...

The party's not for her, anyway.

Her birthday party is not for her?

No, the party is for all of us to gather

and tell her how much we love her.

While totally disregarding

whatever it is she may or may not want.

- Yes, but with cake.
- Fantastic.

[EASYGOING MUSIC]



♪♪

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ I love you like I do ♪

♪ Tell me who ♪

♪ Can stop my heart as much as you ♪

♪ If we take each other's hands ♪

♪ We can fly into the final frontier ♪

- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪
- ♪ Final frontier ♪

- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪
- ♪ Final frontier ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Final frontier ♪

She doesn't like surprises.

I think we should at
least run it by her.

See, I don't get that. I love surprises.

- You love surprises?
- Yeah, I do.

Okay, your daughter doesn't
want a birthday party.

Surprise!

Good morning.

What... did you sleep here?

She came over last night.
You were already asleep.

And we talked really loud
right next to your head.

That's nice... why...
why are you sleeping here?

No reason. Oh, but, remember when

I lent you Scarlett Johansson's
dress for your interview?

- Yeah.
- That never happened, okay?

Oh, by the way, I called Mabel
to find out about the party,

if it was a gift thing
or not and she said not,

so don't think I'm cheap
when I show up with nada.

You called Mabel about the party?

- Yeah.
- The surprise party?

Oh, poo.

Hey, guys.

- Hey!
- Look who's here.

It's the day before your birthday.

Is it okay if I chill here for a bit?

- My dorm's so noisy.
- Sure.

You feeling okay?
You look a little funny.

I'm fine, my stomach's just a little...

Can I make you something?
You want some crackers?

I don't know, maybe. What else you got?

Dude, what's it like
being back at school?

It's fine.

[CHUCKLES] Well that's the spirit.

Did you hear how she
got herself back in?

Such a great idea she had. Tell her.

It's too long to explain.
You know my friend Giovanni?

I don't.

- You know what he's doing?
- I don't.

A semester in the Himalayas,
living with nomads.

No phones, no Internet,
no running water.

Just living a yurt in
the middle of nowhere.

Oof, yeah, probably 'cause his parents

are no longer living.

My friend Akiko? Working on a boat

in the middle of the Pacific for a year

to clear plastic out of the ocean.

Okay, again, parents, alive? Betcha not.

My friend Henry? Going to Nicaragua

to help farmers harness
sustainable energy from manure.

Okay. Let me ask you this.

Any of your friends going to classes,

reading a book, anything like that?

- Here you go.
- No, I'm not hungry.

Oh... I heard maybe
there's a party happening?

Oh, that's on me.

Okay, well, I really don't want a party.

I appreciate the thought...

It's not just a thought,
it's an actual thing

you know, with plans and people.

Honey, she doesn't want it.

Well we gotta do something, right?

Come on, 18 years in this country

and not one felony conviction. Come on.

We gotta celebrate that, right?

Okay, fine.

Yay! Okay.

But no surprises and no
singing, "Happy Birthday",

and no actual party.

No party. Got it.

Why don't the three of us
just have a nice, quiet dinner

at Ira's tomorrow night?
Just the three of us.

Oh, how nice for Auntie Lisa.

- Well, you can come, too.
- I love you.

Okay, so... well, and Ira and Lucia

'cause they're already gonna be there.

- [GROANS]
- All right, so that's it.

Just Ira and... well, you
know Mark and Tonya,

I hate to tell you, they
already changed plans

to be there, so... but that's it.

- Okay.
- Okay... ooh, but your mother.

Your mother.

Your mother said she was gonna come.

Come on, you can't
un-invite your grandmother.

- Okay, fine.
- Okay, but then that's it.

Just the aforementioned
special people and that's it

tomorrow at Ira's.

We always go to Ira's.

Can we go to Dominica's
for pizza instead?

You... you wanna go all the
way out to Staten Island?

Of course we can. It's
your birthday, you choose.

Great, thanks.

Does she seem okay?

Well she said she's
got a stomach thing...

I'm gonna go check on her.
You better start calling people

about the change of plans.

[SIGHS] Hey, you wanna be a big help?

I just woke up.

Okay, finally done.

Mark and Tonya had to
change their plans again

and your mother almost
fainted when I told her

she had to go out to Staten Island,

but we're all good.
Everybody's good for the party.

Cancel the party, she changed her mind.

Oh, come on.

Okay, done. Everybody
has been called again

and understands that
our only child's birthday

will this year be celebrated not at all.

Does everybody hate us?

Well not yet. One
more call should do it.

- Good morning.
- Hey, the birthday girl!

Happy birthday, sweetie.
I didn't sing it, just said it.

You feeling better?

Much, yes, I am.

I think I just needed
a good night's sleep.

- So glad to hear it.
- Great.

Um... can I talk to you
guys about something?

- Of course.
- Always.

Maybe you should sit down.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, boy.

No, it's nothing like that.

- All right.
- Okay...

Okay, so...

so I've been doing a
lot of thinking and um,

the thing is...

You okay?

Yeah, yeah, I just, uh... I'm fine.

Okay, so, I've given
this a lot of thought.

[GRUNTS]

I'm so sorry. Can you
give me one second?

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'll be right back.

Maybe she is coming down with something.

She's not sick. She wants
to tell us something

but whatever it is, she can't say it

'cause she's afraid you'll say no.

- What... me?
- We, I meant we.

Yeah, but you said me.

She's afraid we'll say no,
even though you're the one

who usually says no.

So you did... you did mean me.

Yes, but I didn't mean to say it.

You know what...

I think you're absolutely right.

She wants to tell us... and I know...

- I know what it is.
- What?

- Oh, poor kid.
- What?

She changed her mind
about the birthday party.

She changed her mind,
now she wants the party,

but she made such a
stink about it yesterday

she's embarrassed just to tell us.

It saddens me that you believe that.

It's gonna sadden you even more

when it turns out I'm exactly right.

I promise you that's not
what she wanted to tell us.

Hey, uh the thing that
I want to tell you guys...

Sweetie, is it good news or bad?

- Maybe that would help.
- Oh, it's good. Yes.

I think it's really good.

That's encouraging.

It's so good, I think
we should celebrate it.

I will tell you tonight at the party

with everyone in one place.

I thought you didn't want a party.

- I changed my mind.
- Ha!

And I'm even gonna invite
some friends from school.

- Oh, that's great.
- Okay, great.

Maybe just give us a little
hint about what it is.

Tonight, Ira's, I will see you there.

Love ya.

Is it too late to not have kids?

I know what it is. She's pregnant.

No, you just wanna buy baby clothes.

I saw the cutest little onesie today.

It took every ounce of
willpower not to buy it.

- I bet you bought it.
- I got two!

I think she just said it was good news

to throw us off the scent.
I think it's bad news.

My guess is she either failed
a test or she killed someone.

Hey, hey, hey.

Any clue about Mabel's big announcement?

My staff and I are leaning
heavily toward marriage.

That or she killed someone.

Hey, everybody.

- Hey!
- Rishi, hi.

I hope you don't mind. Mabel
invited me to join in on the fun.

No, it's wonderful. How are you feeling?

Oh, much better.

I stopped yelling out random words.

Now I just have the
occasional memory lapse.

Who's your friend?

Oh, this is Shannon.
I'm tutoring her in...

Math.

Math! Thank you.

Her parents are picking her
up soon so I'm just gonna

get out of everyone's way and
finish up some homework with...

ALL: Shannon.

I knew there was an "a" in it.

Can I talk to you for a second?

- Yes, why are we whispering?
- Not here.

Okay.

- Hey, Ashta.
- Hey Mr. Buchman.

Hey, do you have any idea
what Mabel's big news is about?

Yes, but I can't tell you.
If I did, Mabel would kill me.

Let me ask you this.

When I hear it, will it kill me?

[STAMMERS]

Oh, no, seriously? Oh...

Just tell me.

Okay, so the reason
why I've been staying

at your house the last couple nights...

yeah, it's not a super
big deal, but, um,

there is a very slight chance
that I could be arrested

and dragged out of here any second.

What?

Yeah, uh, so, you know
how I sometimes borrow

my celebrity clients' clothes?

Well Scarlet Johansson got wind
of it and she's got her goons,

like, checking all the security
camera footage at her place.

- Lisa, oh, my God.
- I've done nothing wrong!

I mean, I haven't taken
anything in a long time.

Except for this awesome blouse.

Oh, Mom's here.

Don't tell her I'm going to jail.

- Oh...
- Mom, are you okay?

Girls, I thought I'd
never see you again.

Oh my goodness, what happened?

Well, I... I took a car service here

and when we got close
to the place, I said,

"Okay it's two blocks
up and on the right",

and then I said, "It's one block up

on the right", and then I said,

"It's here", and then I said,

"You missed it".

And then by the time we finally stopped,

we were five blocks away.

- You had to walk?
- Five blocks!

Oh, my God.

I tell you, in the dark,
in the sub-freezing.

And the only thing I had to protect me

was my granddaughter's birthday present.

Why weren't you wearing a coat?

Oh, sweetheart. Look at the outfit.

I mean only an animal
would put coat over this.

Where's the ladies room?

I want to freshen up and
check myself for injuries.

I'll take you, Mom. You want
me to take the present?

No, no. After I thaw.

Oh, look who's here! The birthday girl!

[APPLAUSE]

- Hi, is everybody here?
- Except for Mark and Tonya.

Great.

Okay, well... well I
don't want to wait, um...

Oh, now give me your
coat, give me your coat.

All right, right this way.

We want everybody to be able to hear.

Okay.

The floor is yours my dear.

Let's have a little
birthday girl encouragement!

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, yeah. Okay...

well, thank you all for coming.

Um, I guess I should
get right to it, huh?

So... so... um, after a lot of thought,

I have decided... Oh, boy...

Are you okay, sweetie?

Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.

[EXHALES] As I was saying.

Um, I've given a lot of thought to this,

and I have decided... oh, boy.

Honey, we can do this later.

No, no, I need to get it out of the way.

I will feel much better once I say it.

So, I... have...

- decided...
- Excuse me.

Mabel quit school.

She is going on a boat in the Pacific

to clean up plastic out of
the ocean for the next year.

- Ah-ha!
- [SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

See, I feel so much better.

Still love surprises?

Not as much, no. Uh...

uh... well, you know what,
sweetie, can I just say

I think that's a very,
very noble thought.

It's not a thought. It's an actual thing,

with plans and I'm leaving tomorrow.

You leave...

is that why you wanted everybody here,

so you thought we wouldn't get upset

if there were all these people around?

- A little, yes.
- Yeah, well you didn't think it through.

Ira's office, please. Excuse us.

This is big news!
I'm very excited for...

Mabel.

Mabel, yes. Thank you.

A boat? In the middle of the ocean?

Dad, I have researched it thoroughly.

There are 50 student volunteers,
there's a medic on board,

their safety record is spotless.
What else can I tell you?

There's nothing you can tell
me 'cause you're not going.

- Paul.
- You can't tell me what to do anymore.

I... I am an adult.

Excuse me.

You've been an adult for
one day and may I remind you,

you weren't born until... what time?

- 5:30.
- 5:30 in the afternoon.

So yes, maybe you're 18
here, but in California,

you're still 17 for another,
like, hour and ten minutes.

Guess what, Sacramento just called

and they said you're not going.

I don't want to fight.

I would like to spend my last
night at home with you both.

The van's coming at
7:00 tomorrow morning.

I take a flight to Hawaii and
then I'm at sea for a year.

I love you both,

but I'm not backing down.

We love you, too,

which is why you're not going.

- [KNOCKING]
- Knock, knock.

- Oh. Hi, Mom.
- Oh, sweetheart.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

I got you a little something.

There's this lady up on Lexington

and she makes the coziest,
most darling sweaters.

She's gonna be in the Pacific
on a boat for a year, so...

No, actually, she's
gonna be staying here,

so a cozy warm sweater
is gonna come in handy.

Well... okey dokey, then.

I guess I'll just step outside

and let you continue
with what you're doing.

Oh, I love you sweetheart.

Oh, Grandma, your hands are so cold.

Yeah, I know. I almost died earlier.

All right, I am going back to the party.

Can we try and have a
good time tonight? Please.

Yes, we'll be out in just a minute.

Do you believe that? Do you believe...

after all the love we've given

and all the support. All that food.

And that's how she repays us.

Can you please just take a deep breath

before we respond rashly?
Let's just calm down

- and then rejoin the party.
- I'm gonna rejoin the party right now.

No, you're not, I'm not
letting you go out there.

- Watch me.
- I'm not gonna let you do something

you regret.

'Cause if she's really going,
we're looking at a year

of regret and I live with
you. I don't wanna hear it.

Well, it's not gonna be a year.

Paul, sit. I mean it.

Sit.

Stay.

- If she...
- Stay.

Good boy.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

Sorry to interrupt, but I'm
just looking for the person...

Okay! You got me.

I admit it... I did
it, but let me tell you

something right now, mister.
I did nothing wrong

and I would've totally
gotten away with it

if it wasn't for her!

- What did I do?
- Oh, little miss innocent.

You know what you did.

You menopause-d all over
Scarlet Johansson's dress.

Never mind. Just go ahead,

cuff me, take me away.

I was just looking for the person who

had the Honda parked out front.

You left your lights on.

Oh, that would be me.
Thank you, officer.

Paulie, we know it's difficult

having things sprung on you.

Very difficult, the sprung.

And it's not like we have
any experience with this.

Experience we have? Nothing.

Yeah, we don't have a child.

Not one child.

We don't have a child
who grew up and went away.

Growing up, going
away, both of these not.

So what did you want to tell me?

Um... as much as it hurts...

Maybe it's time to let Mabel go.

Well, guys, I appreciate the concern,

but she's not going.

We tried, James.

Yeah, yeah, I heard. Come on out.

Hey...

Not you.

Could somebody get me a shrimp?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Hey, you guys. Where've you been?

All the way out to Staten Island

on the ferry and all the way back.

Is the floor moving? It
feels like the floor is moving.

Sit down, sweetheart.

- I don't wanna sit down.
- You didn't hear about the change of plans?

Oh, who could keep track?

It's on, it's off, it's on, it's off.

Hey, hey are you guys okay?

We're fine, sweetheart,
just a little damp.

Oh, honey, we got you the
most beautiful present.

A basket of designer cookies.

But the seagulls took it.

Seagulls, ha!

It was one! One seagull.

Came down, swooped in, took the basket,

the cookies, the whole shebang.

The upper body strength on
this bird, it's incredible!

You want something to eat, sweetheart?

Put something in your stomach.

Don't even mention food to me.

I couldn't eat for a week.

Ooh, shrimps.

Ooh, look... [GASPS]

and the big ones.

He swoops down, got the
wing span of a DC-10,

I'm telling ya. He grabs the basket

and nearly lifts me
off my feet, and then...

Okay, hey, you know what, hey everybody.

Not that I'm not enjoying
being stuck in a closet

with 6,000 people, but please,
just clear out, everybody.

We're not gonna leave
you here by yourself.

How can we enjoy party without you?

It wouldn't be right
for us to leave, Paul.

Yeah, not to mention, we can't leave.

Jamie locked us in.

Okay, everybody out.
Everybody out, out, out.

- It's my office.
- I don't care.

Oh no, no, you... you sit.

I've been sitting for an hour.

And you're going to keep sitting until

I'm done telling you something.

Listen, my daughter is about
to do something very stupid.

- Am I supposed to do...
- Everybody does stupid things

when they're young.

It's part of the job description.

I just worry that she's gonna...

Will you quit worrying
about your daughter's life

and start enjoying your own?

And you've got a lot to enjoy.

In fact, I think the two of you

are the luckiest people in the world.

Well... I don't feel
that lucky right now.

Oh, please. You're young.

Your bodies do almost
everything you tell them to.

And most important thing of all...

when you wake up in the morning,

the person you love is
right there next to you.

Every morning I wake up,

I look over at your
father's side of the bed...

and I can't believe he's not there.

You know, doing his morning cough

which always used to make me crazy.

Ah, but now...

you know what, enjoy each other, okay?

Every second you can.

Okay, I've said my
piece. I'm out of here.

Thanks. I'm sorry, Mom,

- I know it's late for you.
- What... late?

I've got a date in
Queens in half an hour.

Shall we?

- I'm still not ready.
- Paul...

I know what's gonna
happen if I go out there.

I'm gonna go out there,
I'm gonna crumble,

and I'm gonna give her my blessing,

which means tomorrow she's gonna go.

If I stay in here a little
longer, I can maybe

trick myself into thinking
that's not gonna happen.

You helped me through
the last time she left.

I'm gonna help you with this.

[SLOW PIANO MUSIC]

♪ East of the sun ♪

♪ And west of the moon ♪

♪ We'll build a dream house ♪

♪ Of love dear ♪

♪ Close to the sun in the day ♪

♪ Close to the moon at night ♪

♪ We'll live in a lovely way dear ♪

♪ Sharing our love in
the pale moonlight ♪

♪ Just you and I ♪

♪ Forever and a day ♪

♪ Love will not die ♪

♪ We'll keep it that way ♪

♪ Up among the stars we'll find ♪

♪ A harmony of life to a lovely tune ♪

♪ East of the sun ♪

♪ And west of the moon ♪

♪ Dear ♪

♪ East of the sun ♪

♪ And west of the moon ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

You got all your devices,
all your chargers?

She doesn't need 'em.

There's no internet or
cell service on the boat.

I love you.

Well then how can you
reach us in an emergency?

I can't.

Well... just take your
phone anyway, just in case.

- Dad...
- She can only take one big bag.

Do you have aspirin, antacid, Band-Aids?

Mom, they have all that on the boat.

Look at you.

Last time you left
you were running around

like a crazy person and now...

Well, what can I say?
Guess I'm grown up.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Van's downstairs.

[SIGHS]

I guess I'll see you in a year.

You will.

Don't change.

I mean, change, definitely...
just not too much.

I love you.

For you, Dad. Just in case.

Thank you.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, um...

just suddenly didn't feel so grown up.

Here I go.

[SIGHS]

Well... let me congratulate
you, Mrs. Buchman.

We made a very nice person.

We did.

The fact that she wants
to go clean the oceans...

that's all you.

The fact that she
packed zero sunscreen...

Okay... so, uh, now what?

Yeah, I knew you would
ask. Start packing.

I'm out? That was so fast.

Just texted you your boarding pass.

We leave first thing in the morning.

To where?

I can't believe you have to ask.

You and me, pal.
Tahiti, two whole weeks.

Well, I don't know where

you got that crazy idea, but, why not?

You know, Tahiti's in the Pacific,

so depending on where Mabel's boat is,

maybe we can just swing by, take a...

- Oh, sweetie.
- All right, fine.