MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 5, Episode 12 - Serenity - full transcript

Thanks for the ride.

Well, now, wait
a minute. Hold it.

- We're not through talking yet.
- I am.

Listen, what about
project earthquake?

I don't think you realize
just how important it really is.

So was the last one, and the one
before that. They're all important.

Listen, MacGyver, I told
the board we would do it.

I gave them my word.
I made a commitment!

You committed me!

Without asking me.

Without giving me a
chance to say yes or no.



Now, come on, Pete. Look at me.

I'm a hurtin' guy! I'm beat up,

I need a month's worth of sleep.

And I need a haircut!

I thought I could count on you!

You're really gonna
do this, aren't you?

You're gonna say no!

Yes! Put it on ice,
Pete. Call me next week.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

What am I going
to tell the board?

Tell 'em you made a big mistake.

Mistake? What mistake?

You forgot to ask me!

[Yelling]



[Tape rewinding]

[Answering machine beeping]

Hey, old buddy. This
is joyous Jack Dalton,

Seekin' to make a little
contact. Where are you?

- [Pipes thudding]
- Why is this man

Never mind. I'll tell
you the good news.

Babes, I found the deal of the
century and I'm letting you in.

I knew you'd be
excited. It's land.

Spelled g-o-l-d. A ranch.

A piece of western history,
and it's ours, buddy boy,

for just a few bucks
down. I know you're excited,

So call me the
minute you set down.

- [Answering machine beeping]
- No.

(Penny) Hi, MacGyver.

Jack told me you're coming
back from vacation or something.

[Giggling] Oh, it's penny.

Anyway, I know
you're feeling great,

which is important, because
you know I'd do anything for you,

and I was wondering if you
could do me a little favor.

Well, maybe it's a big favor.

You remember my singing lessons?

Well, they paid off.

I've been hired to star in...

Well, be in this
show at frontier world

and I wanted you to
hear my big number.

So, sit down. You're
really gonna love this.

♪ I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪

♪ I'm going to Louisiana,
my true love for to see ♪

♪ oh, Susanna now don't... ♪♪

[Sighing]

[Grunting]

[Man exclaiming]

[Gun firing]

♪♪[Lively music playing on t.V.]

[Guns firing on t.V.]

Yah! Giddyup!

[Birds cawing]

(Emmenthaler)
Giddyup, there, go on.

[Emmenthaler chattering]

We are almost there.
The town is over that hill.

Do you have, uh, friends,
uh, in Serenity, soldier?

Nope. Just picked
the name off a map,

'Cause it sounded peaceful.

I'm lookin' to settle some land

that hasn't been fought over.

Someplace quiet.

[Horses panting]

Whoa!

Well, this is as far as I go.

Serenity's up and
around the bend.

[Horse neighing]

I'm grateful for the ride.

[Scoffing] Oh, 'Tis nothing.

Out here, we must be
neighbors to each other.

[Wind whistling]

I'd like you to have this.

Sort of a thanks
for takin' me here.

That is much too valuable.

Oh, not to me.

I carried it 4 years.

That's over.

[Horse snorting]

I'm done with guns.

But a... a man needs a gun.

You know, I can't figure why.

I wasn't born with one.

I surely don't plan
on dying with one.

My friend, you will die
much quicker without one.

You will be the only man
in Montana without a gun.

How will you defend yourself?

Well, I'll just have
to think of somethin'.

You take the gun, friend.

It'll do all right, and
I thank you, soldier.

But you, you must
have something from me.

I made this myself, back in
my old country, in Switzerland.

[Emmenthaler chuckling]

It has 2 blades, a corkscrew,

A pry, and an awl.

'Tis very useful.

And you will give me great
pleasure by accepting it.

It's a fine piece of work.

Thank you.

[Horse neighing]

Hey!

[Dog barking]

(Man) Giddyup. Come on. Hey.

[Dog barking]

♪♪[Piano playing]

[Birds chirping]

Next time, bring more money.

[Both laughing]

[People chattering]

What's your pleasure, stranger?

I'd like to buy
somethin' to eat.

Free lunch with every drink.

Take as much as
your belly can hold.

Well, the problem there is
I'm not much of a drinker.

But I'd be willin' to pay for the
food, and settle for a bottle of milk.

[Piano stops playing]

- [People stop talking]
- Milk?

What kind, pilgrim?

Cow, horse, goat,

[laughing] Or mother's?

[Penny gasps]

You got the touch of a
spavined mule, milt bozer.

[Laughing]

Whoo!

[Milt and wilt chuckling]

Thanks.

(Wyatt) Uh, there's
no milk here, stranger.

And eatin' my food's
gonna cost you,

I gotta say, 15 cents cash.

You stock sarsaparilla,
don't you, Wyatt?

If that suits your
palate, friend.

That'd be just fine.

- Mister, uh...
- Dalton.

Andrew Jackson Dalton, no
relation to the Dalton gang.

Call me Jack.

MacGyver.

First or last?

Yep.

My name's penny.

Yeah, and cheap
at twice the price.

[Penny gasping]

Come on,

I'd sooner kiss a hog!

'Scuse me.

Why don't we just
let the lady be?

I figure this is none
of your business.

But I'm a friendly
sort of fella.

Ain't I, wilt?

Sure you are, milt.

[Spittoon clanging]

And to prove it,

I'm gonna buy you a drink.

He said he doesn't drink.

Wyatt,

why don't you pour a
shot of that mex rotgut?

And drop a spider in it.

[Chuckling]

See, the idea is to
swallow down the spider

'fore he stops kicking.

If he bites ya, the
booze will cure ya.

You gonna like it.

[Chuckling]

Or...

You can try to draw.

Don't carry a gun.

He don't drink, he don't
fight, and he don't carry a gun.

[Laughing] I bet he's
wearin' lace underwear, milt.

[Milt chuckling]

well, after he
finishes drinkin',

[laughing] Maybe we'll just pull
down them pants and find out.

Now, gents, we
don't want any trouble.

Shut your flap, tinhorn.

Drink up.

Oh, that's real
brave, milt bozer,

drawin' down on an unarmed man.

It's a lot safer that way.

Mr. Dalton,

might I borrow your cigar?

[Milt groaning]

[Wilt exclaiming]

All right, wilt.

(Wyatt) Wilt!

Just put it on the table.

All right, you two boys, out.

They won't be back for a while.

I'm real grateful, MacGyver.

Care to join me, friend?

♪♪[Piano playing]

You just passin' through,
or lookin' to find work?

Fact is, I was lookin' to
buy a place of my own.

Now, that is an
amazing coincidence.

If I were a superstitious
man, I'd be downright nervous.

You're losin' me.

No, my friend, I am in a
position to find you the answer

to your hopes and dreams.

Big Springs ranch.

I'm a gambler, not a rancher.

I won it in a poker
game from Dave nye.

But I'm prepared to part
with it for $2,500 hard cash.

Most I could go would be $1,700.

Well, I don't know.

- Gold coin.
- Done.

Didn't I hear Dave nye was afraid of
hangin' on to his place for some reason?

Droughts. Floods.

He was a fearful man, but
he's gone and you are in luck.

(Dalton) Now, there
may be some resentment

Over your securing a bargain
such as this, but it's yours.

Just as soon as I hear the
heartwarming clink of gold coin.

Sure, as soon as
I see the property.

We can be there in an hour.

Need a horse.

The livery's next door.

I'll change and be right along.

Oh, that is if you don't mind.

I would like to see
your new ranch.

It'd be my pleasure, miss penny.

Did you hear that, Wyatt?

He's buyin' big Springs ranch.

How long do you
think he'll last?

Maybe a week.

But I wouldn't bet on it.

(Dalton) There she
is! Big Springs ranch.

(Penny) It's beautiful.

(Dalton) Whoa, whoa, now.

'Scuse me, gentlemen,
but Mr. Nye is gone.

We know that. This
here's the new owner.

Name's MacGyver.

(Billy) Oh, yes, sir,
Mr. MacGyver, sir.

He don't speak much, the chinee.

Name of Lee sing.

I'm Billy Colton, sir.

Gentlemen.

Anybody else work on this place?

Oh, no, sir, we all that's left.

Everybody else, they went on.

All they scared.

[Speaking cantonese]

- Scared of what?
- Nothing, I assure you.

He's undoubtedly suffering the
effects of his own bad cooking.

This little gem's a paradise.

[Horses approaching]

[Horses neighing]

[Sighing]

Your name MacGyver?

That's right.

May I ask who I are addressin'?

Yeah, Pete Thornton.

I own the fire eagle ranch.

Well, that'll make
us neighbors, then.

No. No, it doesn't.

Because you're gettin' off
this land in the next 5 minutes,

and out of this territory
in the next 24 hours.

Now, why might that be?

Because I made a
handshake deal with Dave nye

That if he was ever gonna
sell this land, I'd buy it.

Well, actually, Mr. Thornton,
Dave didn't sell it.

He lost it in a card game.

Dalton?

Tinhorn that works out
of the red dog saloon?

[Chuckling] Well, that's
putting it a trifle harshly.

But essentially correct, sir.

I acquired this place
honestly and sold it legally.

And I made an
agreement with Dave nye.

I need this land.
I want the water.

And I want you off.

If you don't, pilgrim,

you could hang
around a long, long time.

MacGyver doesn't
even carry a gun.

What?

I thought you boys
told me he drew on you.

Well, he kinda...

He pulled a trick on us!

[Thornton grunting]

No gun, eh?

[Chuckling]

I don't think I've ever
seen a grown man

walkin' around naked before.

[Men laughing]

I just don't prefer guns.

Oh.

Well, then, you'll
probably leave, uh,

nice and quiet.

And politely.

'Cause you're a peaceful
sort of fella, ain't you?

Yep.

Some might even say gutless.

Might.

[Laughs]

[All laughing]

well, then, why don't you
just, uh, pack up your stuff

and, uh,

ask my pardon

and then git.

Nope.

[Thornton groaning]

[Horses neighing]

Next one's gonna be head-level!

[Gasping]

[Thornton grunting]

Mr. Thornton,

I would appreciate it if your
men would drop their weapons.

Hey.

Oh, you!

(Billy) I got one more barrel.

Do it!

[Horses neighing]

I meant what I
said, Mr. Thornton.

I don't want any more trouble.

I meant what I said, too.

(Thornton) Without water next
summer, I'll lose my entire herd.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

You take my warning.

Get out.

I would like to thank
you for what you did.

Oh,

I didn't figure on
hurtin' nobody.

You did just right.

I can't be sure what's
gonna happen around here.

I don't want either of you
gettin' hurt. Can't ask you to stay.

I make coffee.

[Speaking cantonese]

(Billy) He says he's stayin'.

So I might as well.

Well, I guess we can
have some coffee.

Try and figure out a way to
handle Mr. Thornton's problems.

I still say we don't
need any outside help.

After the way you two
handled yourselves yesterday,

I think we do.

Besides,

This man has a reputation
for taking care of problems.

Peter Thornton?

I'm murdoc.

I understand you
have work for me.

I hear you're good.

To be precise,

I'm the best.

Boss, he's some kind of
light-in-the-boots englishman.

(Wilt) Ain't he sweet?

[Kissing sound]

[Milt laughing]

I do hope we can
all be friends now.

(Murdoc) Can't we?

The man I want moved out is
named MacGyver. Big Springs ranch.

I'll find him.

And I don't want him
killed. Just moved out.

[Door closing]

[Grunting]

Them the only shoes you got?

[Chuckles]

They plumb worn out, sir.

I... i was gonna fix 'em so I
could handle my work, sir.

Uh, I got your horse all
saddled and ready for town, sir.

Mr. Colton,

You are a ranch
hand, not a servant.

I do not want you waitin' on me.

I just does what's proper, sir.

And that gumbo accent.

[Wind howling]

Why are you hidin' behind it?

I don't understand, sir. I's a
field hand. That's how's i's talks.

Yesterday you told me
Lee sing was stayin' on.

Yeah, that's what he said, sir.

Well, he said it in cantonese.

Now, I served under sherman,

then with the 9th
calvary in Texas.

And you are the first field hand
I ever met that spoke Chinese.

I take your point.

Just askin'.

You got a right to privacy.

I am...

I... i was a slave

Down at, uh, Dixon
holding, Alabama.

I escaped in '62
and came out here.

And how'd you
escape bein' captured?

I was a schoolteacher

I wrote myself the
necessary papers.

A runaway slave is rarely
suspected of literacy.

But now emancipation's the law.

Why still play ignorant?

The law has changed.
My color didn't.

I take your point, sir.

[Door opening]

Mr. Colton,

People can change.

The world's changed.

Why, out here, any
man can reinvent himself.

I'd like to believe that.

See, I came out here 'cause I
wanted my life to be different.

I believe that's the way
the world gets better,

One person at a time.

(MacGyver) Those boots
would be about a size 9, I believe.

They'll do just fine.
What do I owe you?

$3.20.

[Door chime ringing]

MacGyver, we've
been lookin' for you.

On account of I
was goin' for a ride,

And by the station I heard it
straight from the railroad agent.

Thornton's hired
himself a gunman.

A man named murdoc.

(penny) They say he's
killed more than a dozen men,

not countin' Indians.

Hired him to go after you.

What are you gonna do?

Gonna talk to Mr. Thornton.

There's just no
reason for a war.

(MacGyver) I got
more water than I need.

I can share it with him.

You're lookin' to help
him after what he tried?

Well, sometimes a desperate
man does dumb things.

I do believe Mr. Thornton and
myself can settle this reasonably.

Excuse me.

[Door chime ringing]

He just don't understand
how things are.

- [Door closing]
- Hard to figure, ain't he?

[Horse approaching]

MacGyver.

Not here.

Well, get him here.

[Exclaiming]

Just hold it right there!

[Gun cocking]

Drop the gun, boy.

[Screaming]

[Sobbing]

Tell MacGyver I dropped by.

[Whimpering]

[Lee sobbing]

[Neighing]

[Lee sobbing]

He... he dead.

(Thornton) Murdoc! Why?

Get out.

Why did you have to kill him?

Well, I didn't have to, Thornton,
I chose to as a calling card.

I told you I didn't
want anyone killed.

Come, come, Thornton. A
black is hardly worth the fuss.

Here. This is what I
promised you, plus some extra.

I'm calling you off.

I haven't finished
with MacGyver.

You're finished with
me. Take your money.

Well, it's not
really that simple.

You see, I have a reputation for always
completing my professional assignments,

And I...

I rather treasure
that reputation.

With any luck,

That's what they'll
carve on your tombstone.

Don't even think about it.

[Chuckling]

Don't worry, Thornton.

It's not you I'm interested in.

You hear any of that?

Yeah. We heard you
ain't goin' after MacGyver.

Well, you heard right.

Well, why not,
boss? That murdoc?

MacGyver wouldn't
last 5 minutes.

No! It's not a
game I wanna play.

I've done too much already.

Boss.

He shamed us and he shamed you.

And I had a man killed.

Now, which do
you think is worse?

[Horse neighing]

He's gone soft.

I need a drink.

About all I can
think to say is...

He died a free man.

Where's your hired gun?

I'm sorry.

You're sorry. He's dead.

If there was any family,
any need for money...

Look, I'm responsible.
Can we talk?

Your timing's a bit irregular.

I fired murdoc. I paid him off

and told him to git.

I didn't want any killing.

I didn't.

As for big Springs,

I'm backing off.

If you're willing to sell,

I'll pay you twice
what you paid.

No, in fact, you name the price.

Mr. Thornton,

I'm no speculator.

I wanna live on my
land, not profit by it.

Fair enough.

I won't bother you anymore.

[Sighs]

There is another way.

You drill on my land.

You find water, you own it.

Just guarantee me
enough for my needs.

Well, that's crazy.

If I own the water, I own you.

You'd have to rely
on nothing but...

Your word. That's right.

Why would you trust me that far?

Because there's enough for
both of us if we don't fight over it.

We got a deal.

And you got my word.

I guess we're partners.

I guess so.

[Chuckling]

There's one last thing, though.

(Thornton) Murdoc.

He killed a man.

He's gonna have
to answer for that.

To the law.

I just left him back in town.

I guess that's
where I'll be headin'.

We'll be headin'.

He's in the barber shop.

The boy says you wanted
to see us, Mr. Murdoc?

Your boss.

He folded like a busted flush.

I wanted to know
where you two stand.

Well, it's like milt said.

He shamed us.

I have a plan.

(Wilt) Well, if it has
to do with MacGyver,

I'd go a long way
to see him dead.

We don't have to go anywhere.

We can manage
everything quite nicely...

Right here in town.

You think the marshal in
Serenity will stand up to murdoc?

Wyatt?

He's about as tough
as a bucket of warm spit.

Nobody in town's gonna help us.

They're all scared of murdoc.

That's reasonable. So am I.

Well, what do you plan to do?

Don't know yet.

You've got to take
some responsibility.

Or murdoc will kill MacGyver.

You know MacGyver
doesn't even carry a gun.

- That's his choice.
- And what's yours?

Come be a man.
You're the town marshal.

Not no more, I ain't.

Now, that was a wise decision.

You know, most
volunteers die young.

Would you be interested?

I never... I never
touch the stuff.

[Chuckling]

You know, friendship
is a wonderful thing.

How would you know?

- [gasps]
- Tinhorn,

Why don't you tell
your friend MacGyver

that I'll be waiting
here for him,

in the lady's company?

[Birds cawing]

(Dalton) Mr. Thornton!

MacGyver!

Murdoc. He's holdin' penny.

(Dalton) The bozers,
they threw in with him.

They're waitin'
for you to ride in.

Well, what about Wyatt?

Tossed in his badge.

And the rest of the town's
holed up behind locked doors.

Well, that doesn't leave
much choice, does it?

[Horse snorting]

[Dog barking]

[Milt whispering] You hide
yourself over there. And wilt?

Yeah?

Don't shoot until you
got him in your sights!

Milt, don't you tell me
how to set up an ambush.

Oh...

[Door creaking]

[Gun cocking]

We can cut through
the old part of town.

[Horses approaching]

[Wind blowing]

(Milt) I hear 'em comin'.
Do you see 'em, wilt?

(Wilt) There they are!

[Horse neighing]

(Dalton) Look out! Let's go!

(Milt) Why the devil didn't
you let 'em clear the building?

How many were there?

There's 3 of them.

(Wilt) Stay put.
They'll be back.

That was wilt bozer.

- How do you know?
- Because he missed.

But that means milt is nearby.

Lucky for me it wasn't murdoc.

He'd have plugged
more than my hat.

You know, I think
murdoc is waitin' in town

to see if you get
past the bozers.

Well, I'll be headin'
to town then.

Good idea.

Jack and I will stay here
and take care of the bozers.

We will?

We will!

Who's doin' that?

Doin' what?

Throwin' these.

[Gulping]

[Mumbling]

[Shushing]

(Milt) Wilt!

Do you see 'em?

Wilt!

- [Groaning]
- (Milt) Wilt!

Answer me.

Wilt!

Where are ya?

[Flag flapping in wind]

(Milt) Wilt, will you answer me?

[Chuckling] Gotcha.

[Exclaiming]

[Chuckling]

- [Milt pounding on door]
- Gotcha.

[Door rattling]

(Thornton) Got you.

(Milt) Come on!

Boss, let me explain!

Boss!

[Gasps]

Miss penny?

[Whimpering]

Murdoc!

Goodbye, MacGyver.

Oh, my god! Somebody!

(Penny) Help!

Oh, my god.

Is he dead?

[MacGyver coughing]

- MacGyver!
- Where'd he hit you?

I'd treasure that knife for the
rest of your life if I were you.

[Horse approaching]

[Whinnying]

[Urging on horse]

(Thornton) We'll
get murdoc one day.

Be sure of that.

[Hooves pounding]

[Water spraying]

[Pipes rattling]

Sorry.

I just wanted a drink of water.
I didn't mean to wake you up.

[Sighing]

Wow.

I must have been out of it.

No.

I'm the one who's out of it.

[Sighing]

I've been driving
around for hours.

I had to come back to...

To apologize.

- Oh, hey, Pete.
- No.

I was out of line.

Sometimes you get on a track,

and you just can't get off it.

I was pushing too hard.

Maybe I was trying to
impress the board, I don't know,

but I had no right
to speak for you.

I'm trying to tell
you I'm sorry.

Hey, come on, Pete.

We got no problems.

We're friends.

[Thornton sighing]

Right?

That's what I wanted to hear.

Whoa.

So...

So what's wrong with you?

[Exhaling deeply]

I don't know, i... i think I
just had the weirdest dream

I've ever had in my life.

It was all about murdoc
and Jack and penny and Billy.

You were in it.
I'm talkin' weird.

What's this?

Wow, look at that.

Well, you don't
want to lose that.

Looks like it's 100 years old.