MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 5, Episode 11 - The Madonna - full transcript

You should leave that kind
of work to me, father laffarty.

It's almost Christmas,
Mrs. Wilson.

I have to work up my
brownie points somehow.

[Cart creaking]

Sounds like we have a visitor.

Father laffarty!
Father laffarty!

She's gone! The Madonna's gone!

(Male announcer on radio)
The special holiday music

continues all the way through
Christmas Eve, on 1040 A.M.,

with this classic
from days gone by,

"I'll be home for Christmas."



I think Santa's giving
me a hernia for Christmas.

♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪♪

[Radio stops playing]

What's the matter?

Uh, I don't know,
this Christmas stuff

Gets a little sappy
after a while, that's all.

You sure you're all right?

I'm fine.

I mean, I know this is a
tough time of year for you.

Thinking about
your mother and all.

That was a long time ago, Pete.

You get over that kind of stuff.

Well, you never quite get over
losing someone you love, do you?

That's why you stay busy. So
you don't have to think about it.



[Objects thudding]

[Creaking]

[Whoops]

Hey, mama, how're you doing?

- Oh, please, no!
- What've you got here?

I don't have time for this.

- What do you mean you don't have time for this?
- I don't have time.

- What have we got in the cart, huh?
- Please.

- Oh, let's see here.
- Please, don't touch that!

- [Punks laughing]
- Now boys...

Listen, I'm gonna
call out the big guns!

- Oh, the big guns?
- Oh, no.

- [Punks shouting]
- Yes!

That's right, mama!

- No, that's my stuff!
- Oh.

(Punk) Bye!

(Carol) Stop!

Stop, that's my stuff.

- [Punks laughing]
- Stop!

(Punk) Merry Christmas, grandma.

(MacGyver) Hey,
let go of the cart!

Yeah, merry Christmas
to you, too, punks!

Careful.

(MacGyver) You ok?

Oh, yes, peachy.

And I can't thank you enough,
for getting my stuff back.

You know, you should
have that hand looked at.

Oh, it's nothing.

It's just a scratch.

Listen, uh, can we
drop you somewhere?

Do you have a place to stay?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I'm just looking
for another abode.

Something with a
southern exposure.

Well, I know a place
you could stay, for a while,

if you're interested.

But you just made me
an offer I can't refuse.

Lead on, gentlemen!

[Laughing]

Just lead on.

(Thornton) Easy.

[Boys chattering]

- Hey, Cynthia.
- What is this?

Look like a basketball to me.

[Boys laughing]

You know what I mean.

We've got a show
to put on tonight,

and you're out
here playing games.

Relax. We'll get to it.

You've been singing that
same song for 2 days now.

It's showtime, get it?

(Boy) It's showtime
on the court.

Got it.

Good. So move it.

[Car honking]

And you can start by helping
take these gifts upstairs.

(Thornton) Both Santa
and Phoenix deliver on time.

(Cynthia) The boys will
give us a hand with these.

Bobby, Tyrone, come over
here and help us, please.

Oh, you guys are too much.

Thanks.

(Cynthia) This looks like
the biggest gift drive, ever.

I just hope Santa brings us

a whole lot of
money to go with it.

Donations down?

Worse than that.

The new landlord's
trying to squeeze us out

by demanding first
and last month's rent,

plus a month's security deposit,

before he'll renew our lease.

If we don't come up with
$9,000 by the end of next week,

the challengers
club could become

the challengers
memorial parking lot.

Don't you worry.

You'll have your act
together in plenty of time.

Uh, Cynthia, this is Carol.

She needs a place
to stay for a while.

I never turned anyone away yet.

Go ahead in there.

Thank you, Cynthia.

And a very merry
Christmas to you.

Yeah, right.

[Cart creaking]

Happy new year, too.

[People chattering]

All right, there we go.
It's about as good as new.

Splendid.

Thank you.

I bet your mother always
wanted you to be a doctor.

Well, not exactly.

But she did always say I
was pretty good with my hands.

She was right.

Would it be all right
if I looked around?

Make yourself at home.

Thank you.

While it's still here.

Oh.

Listen, I wish I could get the Phoenix
board to exceed their original donation,

But the budget
is set in concrete.

Maybe in another 6 months.

We'll be history by then, Pete.

I've got a call into the bank,
but I'm not holding my breath.

Breeze!

How am I supposed
to get through to you?

You're supposed to
be the stage manager,

And you can't even
manage to move the stage!

Chill out, woman!

What do I need with
this Christmas game?

It's just another day.

People make too big
a deal about it, anyway.

♪♪[Piano playing]

[People chattering]

Want me to talk to him?

There's no point.

Breeze never celebrated
Christmas in his life.

I guess I was a fool to think I could
make him see what it was all about.

(Male announcer) And we
have this special holiday plea

From father Patrick
laffarty of St. Mary's church.

Pat laffarty?

A hand-carved wooden Madonna was
taken from our church early this morning.

She's very special to us.

If anyone out there knows the
whereabouts of the Madonna statue,

we'd appreciate
hearing from you.

Just call us at St. Mary's.
No questions asked.

(Male announcer) There you
are. The missing Madonna...

Isn't that your buddy
from back home?

Yeah. That's the guy.

Now, what kind of a snake would
steal a Madonna from a church?

And on Christmas Eve.

It takes all kinds, doesn't it?

Yeah, no kidding.

I'm gonna run over there
and see if I can help him.

Well, I'm going with you.

♪♪[Music playing]

[Switch clicks]

Hey, Patrick!

MacGyver, Pete!
This is a surprise.

How are you doing?

You know, every time
I see you in that collar,

I got to remind myself
that you're the same kid

that used to run me into the
boards during hockey practice.

I remember it the
other way around.

No way.

So, what brings you here?

Well, we saw you on the news.

Something about a
missing Madonna?

Can you believe that?

Well, is there anything
we can do to help?

No, I doubt it. The
police came by,

But there are no
real clues to go on.

I've started calling everyone
in the congregation for help,

but it doesn't look like there's
much hope of finding her.

Not before Christmas morning.

(MacGyver) Was the
statue valuable at all?

To the world, she's
just a hunk of wood.

But in our hearts,
she's priceless.

She's been there in that
spot for nearly 20 years.

Ever since the Christmas Vincent
battaglia presented her to the church.

Well, did you see
anyone suspicious

Or notice anything
out of the ordinary?

Right before we
discovered she was missing,

we heard a peculiar
noise, a squeaking noise.

It was him. You know it was.

Who?

Vincent battaglia. He took her.

Mrs. Wilson, you
don't know that.

Well, the same man
who carved her? Why?

He's always had a
grudge against the church.

Hasn't set foot in the place
in 15 years. Ever since...

Mrs. Wilson,

just because a man has a change
of heart, doesn't make him a thief.

Well, why would he want to
steal the Madonna, anyway?

Ask Vincent
battaglia about that.

Well, I guess it can't
hurt to talk to him.

He runs a little furniture
fixer place over on homer.

I'll get you the address.

Mr. Battaglia?

We're closed.

Mr. Battaglia, father laffarty
sent us, from St. Mary's.

I don't care who sent
you. Can't you read?

Uh, Mr. Battaglia,

the Madonna you
carved, for St. Mary's,

it's been stolen.

So, tell somebody who cares.

Well, father laffarty
thought you...

Look, I cut my ties with
the church years ago.

I want nothing to
do with St. Mary's.

Capisce?

And a merry Christmas
to you, too, sir!

You believe that guy?

Merry Christmas.

[Sighs]

Oh, boy.

Look at...

You call yourself a Santa?

No, I call myself employed.

You try standing around in a red
suit begging strangers for money.

Well, you know a little
Christmas spirit might help.

A little of the
old, "ho, ho, ho."

Ho ho ho.

No, come on, I mean, you got
to put a little something into it.

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Never mind.

Say, did I hear you guys say you
were looking for some kind of statue?

Yeah.

A wooden Madonna, you seen it?

Maybe.

- Well?
- What about your friend?

Merry Christmas.

Well, have you seen
the Madonna or not?

I'm not exactly sure what I saw.

But there was this bag lady
wheeling through the alley yesterday.

Bag lady?

Wheeling?

Yeah.

She could have had
something like a statue

in the squeaky old
shopping cart of hers.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself!

[Exclaiming]

Showing up drunk!

What are the children
supposed to think?

Take it easy. Let me have that.

Get off of from me,
you crazy old broad.

- Get off of me!
- Don't hurt him.

Get her off of me.

He's anesthetized,
he can't be hurt!

Oh, you are wearing
the uniform of a Saint!

You're a disgrace!

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
merry Christmas. Yeah.

Well, did you see
your friend, the priest?

Well,

we weren't actually able
to do anything for him.

Uh, Carol, you see,

we've got to ask you a favor.

Uh, you boys are
trying to say something.

Spit it out.

Would you mind if we had a look
at what you've got in your cart?

Yeah, see Carol...

It's not that we're
accusing you of anything,

It's just that we have to eliminate
some possibilities, you understand.

Well, it's just good
detective work.

Yeah, like that.

(Carol) Yes.

Well, I can see that,
but what I don't see is,

if you think I took it,

Why do you both look so guilty?

Are you absolutely sure

you've considered all
the angles in this case?

We're doing the best we
can. We're sorry for the trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble.

It's not often I'm pursued
by 1, let alone 2 men.

[MacGyver sighing]

[People chattering]

[Exhales]

Well, I hope father laffarty is
having better luck than we are.

[Sighs]

What is it, kiddo?

I have a present
for you, MacGyver.

Well, thank you, Violet.

You didn't have to do this.

It's a hamster.

No way.

Not really,

but I didn't wrap it too good.

Are you kidding
me? This is great.

You know, when I
was about your age,

I used to give my mom stuff and it
was wrapped in old comic book pages.

But she didn't mind.

She always said,

"it's the thought that counts."

Thanks for thinking
of me, Violet.

Welcome.

That was a nice story.

About your mother.

Yeah.

Well,

Christmas, you know?

Yeah.

[Stage rumbling]

(Man) 2, 3.

[People grunting]

(Cynthia) Are you
kids crazy or what?

(Breeze) Just,
just leave it alone.

You trying to tear the
whole place down?

Back off, woman!

We're just trying to get
the job done, like you asked!

Well, somebody's gonna get hurt.

There are children running around
here, in case you haven't noticed!

So you do it!

(Boys) Yeah, yeah.

Hey, breeze, guys,
we'll get it done.

You get it done.
I'm out of here.

Breeze, get back
in here. Breeze!

Don't do this to me.

Do what?

I'm depending on you.

If you leave, they leave,
and nothing gets done.

Hey, it's every man for
himself. I learned that real early.

No! I refuse to believe that.

Booker doesn't...

Booker didn't believe that.

If we don't pull together,

This whole show is
gonna go down the tubes.

It's not my problem.

If we lose this club, it's
everybody's problem.

So who says I care?

I'll go after him, huh?

No, let him go.

I give up.

Boy.

You know, one of us
should go back to the church.

Check in with father laffarty.

Yeah, I suppose.

Do you mind handling that?

I should stick around here.

Yeah, sure. See you later.

All right, guys. Let's
make this happen.

Come on. All of you.

[All chattering]

It's, like, a very
basic, simple problem.

Come on, a little
hustle, let's go!

[Exclaims]

There it is.

Paul, give me a
hand here, will you?

Grab that bar, and
wedge this corner up.

Yeah, sure.

Guys, give him a hand.

[People groan]

(MacGyver) All
right, set it down.

Pretty simple solution. Now
you know what you need.

One on each corner, a couple on
the sides, just roll it into position.

Weights for wheels. Why
didn't we think of that?

I don't know. Why didn't you?

Cynthia?

The bank just called.

They turned down
our loan application.

Well, we'll come
up with something.

Don't bother.

It's over, MacGyver. I
can't take it anymore.

[Door shuts]

(MacGyver) Cynthia, you
can't just pack up and leave.

Why not?

The kids.

Every kid you saved from the
street, was like one of your own.

I heard you say
that 1,000 times.

MacGyver, there's an endless
supply of kids that need help.

But there's not an
endless supply of me!

But this was your dream.

For both you and booker.

And I can't keep the
dream going without him.

He's dead, MacGyver.

And maybe the dream
died along with him.

No. It didn't die.

Look, Cynthia, I
loved booker, too.

But if you just give up now,

all those kids are gonna end
up right back on the street.

Now, you don't want that.

You know I don't.

You know how hard it is to keep
those kids clean and off the streets?

You have to be
everything for them.

Mother, father, big
sister, best friend.

You help the ones you can,

and the rest just slip
through your fingers.

Special kids like breeze,

who have the brains and
the guts to be so much more.

Booker and I
fought a lot of battles

to make this place happen.

[Sobs] I guess I'm
just tired of fighting.

Oh, booker.

Christmas was a
special time for us.

He should... he should be here.

He should be here.

(Carol) How about a game?

Be serious.

I could whip you with one
arm tied behind my back.

Well, it's easy to
play by yourself.

Not much challenge in that.

Maybe you like it that way.

We play for high
stakes in this pool hall.

What you got?

[Whispers] Well,

Abe Lincoln says I
can take you down.

Your bet. My break.

My turn.

You've got your own
style, I'll give you that much.

I knew that.

I was just trying to

lull you into a false
sense of security.

I always like a few
shots to warm up.

(Breeze) Not the 8 ball.

Scratch!

Guess today's your lucky day.

I have always
lived a charmed life.

You know, you handle
that cue like a pro.

Did your father show
you how to play pool?

All my old man ever showed
me was the back of his hand.

That's tough.

It's a good thing you've got
somebody who cares about you.

Like Cynthia.

What do you know about Cynthia?

I know that she's hurting.

I know that this is her first Christmas
since her husband was killed.

I know that she wants to keep the
club open for you and the other kids,

but she can't do it alone.

So just 'cause it's Christmas,

I'm supposed to get with
the program, is that it?

No, not because it's Christmas.

Because it's the
right thing to do.

You can get your butt in
gear and be there for her,

Like she is for you
and all the other kids.

I got better things to do.

I know.

Christmas wasn't much
when you were growing up.

How do you know that?

I heard you talking.

Listen up, breeze.

Christmas isn't what you get.

It's what you give.

Like love and understanding.

And helping out the other guy.

And you got all
the answers, huh?

No. Just a few.

Why don't you try it?

Give a little.

You never know what
good it'll do for you inside.

Where it counts.

Mr. Battaglia.

What's goin' on?

You said she was missing.
I... i had to see for myself.

Well, I was under the
impression you didn't care.

I carved her 20 years
ago as a gift for the church.

When my wife took ill,

we... we'd come here
and pray to that Madonna,

day and night.

We prayed for a miracle.

But god took her away from me.

He left our prayers unanswered.

What... what kind of a
compassionate god is that?

How could he take her

and leave me with nothing
but this pain in my heart?

Mr. Battaglia,

we all lose people we love.

You think I want this pain?

How can I remember

and not feel how
much I miss her?

You tell me how.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

I wish I could.

[People chattering]

Get some 6-foot ladders.

We got to get this
curtain thing up.

And Bobby, that lighting
panel downstairs? Bring it up.

We got 3 hours to
make this thing happen.

Tyrone, give me
a hand with this.

What got into you?

[Children chattering]

I never knew what to
get you for Christmas.

So I settled on less attitude

and more cooperation.

I'll take it.

And you don't even
have to wrap it up.

Carol, what did
you say to breeze?

Me? Nothing.

We just had a
friendly game of 8 ball.

[People chattering]

(Cynthia) That's very
generous. Thank you.

Cynthia.

It's a pretty good crowd, huh?

I just hope they're
in a generous mood.

Everybody's got their
hand out this time of year.

(Carol) MacGyver.

MacGyver, it's little Violet. She's
got a bad case of stage fright.

And she's the lead
angel in the opening act.

Will you come?

By the way, Pete, I
have a little favor to ask.

Me? What? What? What is it?

Hi.

Somebody tells me you've
got a bad case of butterflies.

If that means I'm scared,
I've got lots of butterflies.

I don't think I can do it.

Ah, sure you can,
you're just nervous.

Everybody gets nervous.

You know, my mom and I
had a secret weapon we used

that would always
make things ok.

What?

Well, when I was a kid,

I used to have to play
the guitar at music recitals,

and I would always freeze up.

My mom would
say the secret word,

And everything would
be better. Just like that.

What was it?

Well...

I don't think I can tell
you. It was our secret.

Please.

All right.

But don't tell anybody.

Ice cream.

That's it?

Hey, it worked.

No matter what the problem was,

all either one of us had
to say was "ice cream",

and everything would be perfect.

Ice cream.

Trust me.

I know about this stuff.

(Girl) Thank you.

(Carol) You're welcome.

Excuse me, is MacGyver in there?

He'll be out in a minute.

A private conference.

Why, you're father laffarty.

Oh, I love your sermons.

Especially the one, a few
christmases ago, about the 3 wise men.

You captured them beautifully.

I'm sorry, uh,

Are you in my parish?
I... i don't recall seeing you.

Well, uh, it was
probably my clothes.

I usually wear
something more elegant

when I'm in the church.

Are you ready?
Good! What a trouper!

Now.

Any news on the Madonna?

Nothing. I don't
know what else to do.

Come on. I got an idea.

Breeze.

I need a favor.

Shoot.

Uh, this is father laffarty.

We're looking for a Madonna,

it's a statue that was
stolen from St. Mary's.

Hey, I never took
it. I got witnesses.

Nobody said you did.

- We need help.
- Like what?

Well, after the show, can you
pull a bunch of kids together?

We wanna knock on every
door in the neighborhood,

kind of an all out search.

Yeah, we can do that for you.

- Thanks.
- All right.

[Audience applauding]

Thank you. Welcome.

We would like to start
the show off tonight

with something very special.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Our own Julio and his 4 angels.

[Children whispering]

(Girl) You look ok.

(Choir) ♪ come,
all ye faithful ♪

♪ joyful and triumphant ♪

♪ o come ye, o come ye ♪

♪ to Bethlehem ♪

♪ come and behold him ♪

♪ born the king of angels ♪

♪ o come, let us adore him ♪

Hey, how did we do?

Not good enough.

[Machine whirring]

We're still $2,711 short.

Now, all we need is a miracle.

(Boy) ♪ sing all ye citizens ♪

♪ of heaven above ♪

♪ glory to god ♪

♪ in the highest ♪

♪ o come, let us adore him ♪

♪ o come, let us adore him ♪

(Choir) ♪ o come ♪

♪ let us adore him ♪

♪ Christ ♪

♪ the lord ♪♪

[Audience applauding]

We're all here this evening

because 2 people shared a dream.

Booker and Cynthia

always made the
Christmas show special

With a special song.

I'm sure we'd all
like to hear it again.

[All applauding]

This was our favorite
Christmas song.

It still is.

♪♪[Piano playing]

♪♪[Choir singing]

♪ I'll be home ♪

♪ for Christmas ♪

♪ you can plan ♪

♪ on me ♪

♪ please have snow ♪

♪ and mistletoe ♪

♪ and presents ♪

♪ on the tree ♪

♪ Christmas Eve ♪

♪ will find me ♪

♪ where the lovelight ♪

♪ gleams ♪

♪ I'll be home ♪

♪ for Christmas ♪

Where are you off to?

I just need some air.

I know what that song
meant to your mother and you.

Come on, pat.

We've been through this before.

I wasn't there for her
when she needed me.

I blew it.

Nothing's gonna change that.

You're right. Nothing will.

And that includes
beating yourself up

over something long
past that you can't change.

I know.

I called her on Christmas.

I explained why I couldn't
make it back home.

She said she understood.

I knew better.

And the stroke hit
her the next day.

And you had nothing
to do with that.

MacGyver,

even if she had lived
until you got back,

it wouldn't have mattered.

She had a stroke.

She wouldn't have
known you were there.

She just kept muttering
things that made no sense,

about you and ice cream.

Crazy stuff.

But she loved you.
Don't ever doubt that.

(Choir) ♪ Christmas Eve ♪

♪ will find me ♪

♪ where the lovelight ♪

♪ gleams ♪

♪ yes, I'll be home ♪

♪ for Christmas ♪

♪ if only ♪

♪ in my ♪

♪ dreams ♪♪

[Audience applauding]

(Thornton) Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

[Thornton laughing]

All children up here for
presents. Merry Christmas.

[All chattering]

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas. Here you are.

Let's see what we have
in here what's your name?

(Thornton) Ho ho
ho. Merry Christmas.

Now how'd you
talk him into that?

Christmas dinner at my place.

But you were gonna
invite him anyway.

He didn't know that.

Hey, come here.
You have to see this.

[All chattering]

Look at this. $2,711.

Isn't that exactly how
much you needed?

Yes.

It was in the bubble. In this.

It's Carol's.

[Cart creaking]

I know bad news when I see it.

I'm sorry, pat.

We looked everywhere.

This is going to be the first
Christmas mass without her in 20 years.

Doesn't feel like St.
Mary's, somehow.

(Mr. Battaglia) Father laffarty.

Mr. Battaglia.

I know it's too late for this.

But i... i wanted you
to have it, anyway.

I carved him to go
with the Madonna,

To lie in her arms.

But when I lost my wife,
well, you know the rest.

Thank you. It's beautiful.

[Door closing]

[Cart creaking]

Casey, you took the Madonna?

(Casey) No, father. Honest.

I didn't.

I promised the Madonna
I would take her for a ride

If I got a new
wagon for Christmas.

I did.

And when I went out to
play with it this morning,

I found her waiting for me.

Vincent?

Oh, the hand's been
damaged a little.

But I can fix that.