MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Gauntlet - full transcript

( horn honking)

( speaking Arabic)

MacGYVER: When I was
a kid back in Minnesota,

I had a Cub Scout den
mother, a Mrs. Fryfogel.

She taught us
backwoods common sense

like "Don't drop
crumbs on the trail..."

( yelling in Arabic)

"...cause you never
know what kind of critter

might be right behind
you picking up the pieces."

I'll never forget the
motto she taught us...

"Be prepared."



Now it's been said
that the best company

you could have in a
strange place is a map.

This particular map
documents the plans

of some heavy-handed
troublemakers.

Folks back home figure
if I can get ahold of it,

the trouble might stop.

( shouting in Arabic)

( shouting in Arabic)

Great thing about a map...

It can get you in
and out of places

a lot of different ways.

( gunshots, people screaming)

( speaking Arabic)

( yells in Arabic)



( gasps)

( gunshot)

Halt.

That is far enough.

The map.

I'd like to, but, uh, I
really need it myself.

You amuse me.

Sorry.

But I really do need it.

( gunshot)

( yelling in Arabic)

( hissing)

It just goes to show you,

a good map will always get
you where you want to go.

Well, the map got me home,

but a newspaper publisher
made sure I didn't get to stay long.

Seems there was this
problem in Central America.

I remember one time I
was maybe seven or eight,

my dad and I took

a truckload of apples to
market in another town.

As soon as we got there,
even as little as I was,

I felt there was something
real wrong in that town.

When I asked my dad about it,

he said they'd lynched
an innocent man there.

I was a lot older
before I understood

exactly what that meant.

Well, how are you doing, guys?

What's the happs here?

Nice girl. Kind of reminds me

of my sister.

Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe you guys

don't recognize me.

The name's Jackson,

Andrew Jackson.
You may have seen

my picture on the
front of the $20 bill?

You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I thought
you'd understand.

Nice doing business
with you guys.

( motor whirring)

Hello?

Hello?

Hola!

Hi.

Hi. Name's MacGyver.

I'm looking for a photographer
by the name of Kate Conolly.

Her publisher said I
might find her here.

Look, if I've come at
an inconvenient time...

Who is this publisher?

Arthur Prescott.

He hasn't heard
from Miss Conolly

in quite some time,

and seeing how
things are around here,

he got worried enough to...

To send you down here, hmm?

I'm supposed to believe that?

WOMAN: Oh, hell, Diego,

he's probably telling the truth.

I'm almost out of the soup.

Okay, you, come on in.

Señor, I am a terrible shot.

I might try to just
wound you a little bit,

( hammer cocking)

so you be very careful.

I'm harmless.

Hi.

So, your name's MacGyver
and you're harmless.

What do you want?

Well, actually, it's what
your publisher wants.

He wants you back
home... safe and sound.

So he sent you?

Well, none of his letters
or phone calls worked.

You got to admit
I'm a little better

than a telegram.

Hey, that's Dave Ryerson.

He's not even supposed
to be in this hemisphere

unless he's in jail.

How do you know him?

Oh, we met, once,

before he was
deported from the States.

Yeah?

Oh, Dave kind of
blames me for that.

You may come in handy.

To your publisher, handy means

getting you out of here.

Uh-uh, I've got a
big story cooking.

We've been digging for
weeks and I'm almost there.

Katie's story could also help us

get rid of a piece
of human garbage

from our government.

General Antonio Vasquez.

Oh, yeah, the army guy

who runs the secret police.

I understand he has some
big career moves in mind, too.

He's got the men.

He just needs the arms.

And he's dealing for them now.

With Ryerson and
the crime syndicate.

The deal's set
for today and if...

when I get the pictures...

Look, I need the pictures.

So your job is to help me
get into Ryerson's hacienda.

No, excuse me, ma'am,

but my job is to get
you out of the country.

MacGyver, you can do both.

We would be most grateful

if you could help us.

Then we leave the country?

Señor?

You're going to need this.

Actually, I do much better
without them. Thanks.

MacGYVER: Mind if I borrow
something from your camera bag?

CONOLLY: It depends what.

MacGYVER: Just
that camera strap.

I need one with a plastic clip.

That wire's got enough juice
in it to straighten your hair.

You'd be handy next
time I lose my door key.

You know, this
place is none too s...

This spot's just fine.

It's not the safest.

CONOLLY: Look, if
you're nervous, why don't

you wait on the
other side of the wall

while I take...

Hold it. Hold it.

There's Ryerson.

CONOLLY: And here comes Vasquez.

The deal's going down now.

( laughing)

( speaking Spanish)

( overlapping greetings)

I understand you have some
excellent things for me, huh?

All right, now,

here we are.

Plenty more where
this came from.

MacGYVER: Looks like an
army surplus store in there.

Oh, perfect.

Ryerson is showing the
general his sample case.

I can assure you my
organization can guarantee delivery

of all the light weapons
in 30 days, General.

Mm-hmm.

That's everything
you needed, isn't it?

And the tanks?

Three months.

We're ready to start

unlimited shipments to you.

Is it a deal?

A very complex deal.

Very risky for both our futures.

I'm out of film.

Good, it's time
to get outta here.

I need one more
shot... the handshake.

But, yes, it is a deal.

( shutter clicking loudly)

( shouting in Spanish)

I'm an accredited
correspondent, and you have

no right to do this.

I haven't had the pleasure

of meeting the lady
before, General,

but I'd like to introduce
you to an old buddy of mine

I've been hoping
to run across again.

Welcome to our
country, MacGyver.

CONOLLY: Look, I'm warning you.

My newspaper knows where I am.

Yeah, so they sent Mother
MacGyver here to get you out.

That is why you're
here, isn't it, MacGyver?

Well, now, Dave,
it just might be

that I'm working on
getting you kicked out

of this country, too.

You know, I'm going
to enjoy your funeral.

Down here they
make quite a fiesta

out of things like that.

Lots of tequila,
some dancing girls...

may even shed a tear or two.

You have both won an invitation.

Don't you realize
the chance you'd take

harming us?

My newspaper would...

Write a touching obituary.

Now I'll have the
film that you shot.

No.

Come on!

Uh, let's not be
dumb about this.

What do you say?

RYERSON: Getting
sensible, MacGyver?

Good.

Here you go, Dave. I
think it was that one.

You can't!

MacGYVER: You know, Ryerson,

now that the evidence is gone,

probably no need to kill us.

There's no need at all,

is there, General?

Probably wouldn't mind

if we just kind of
moseyed on, huh?

CONOLLY: I want my cameras back.

RYERSON: Just give me

the rest of the film

and your other camera, too.

Come on!

Uh, yeah, I think
a little cooperation

would go a long
way in this situation,

don't you?

CONOLLY: What is that stuff?

Plastique. Silly
putty with a bang.

( explosions, shouting)

( shouting)

( panting)

Oh, those photographs!

They'll never be published.

Better not, my friend,
or we're both dead.

The enemy's out there.

But you have brought them to me!

All right, so it went haywire.

I was afraid something
would go wrong.

It can be fixed.

With a little help
from your army.

Hmm?

( speaking Spanish)

I can do the developing
in the darkroom.

Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it.

He really meant it, you know.

Being... the Voice of Truth.

It was because of me that he...

No, it was because of the
kind of man he was, Kate.

We'll get that film out.

I promise you.

MacGyver,

every time something
happens around here,

they lock the airport down,

troops pour all over
every friendly embassy,

roads are blocked.

Just look, this whole town's
already under military guard.

Yep, that's right.

So we take film out ourselves.

Across the border into Mexico.

That's more than 100 kilometers.

How are we even
gonna get outta here?

I've been thinking about that.

Do you mind if I
borrow something?

What?

Oh, you don't need a bag

for just one camera, do you?

I can put this
strap to good use.

I'll be back.

We need all the help we can get.

( man speaking in Spanish)

Be ready when I get back.

Ready for what?

Back from where?

We're out of here!

Are you crazy? They'll hear us.

Shh.

( man shouting)

( bell clanging, popping)

( people shouting)

( explosive popping,
loud, excited chatter)

Oh, that's not necessary.

( bell clanging,
explosive popping)

What are you doing?

I'm making a periscope.

( whispering): Compact!

What? Compact.

All right.

( distant screaming)

( engine trying to turn over)

Hey.

( engine starting)

( man shouting)

( gunshot)

( gunshots)

MacGyver!

VASQUEZ: Who is
this friend of yours?

This MacGyver?

( people shouting)

That was terrific!

We made it.

Yeah, but the border's
still 100 kilometers.

And I know Ryerson.

He won't give up easy.

Hey, MacGyver,

level with me.

Are we gonna make it?

Well, we made it
this far, didn't we?

Somehow I'm not reassured.

We'll stay on the main highway.

You work a search
pattern heading north.

Check every road,
every mule path.

You know,

when I woke up this morning,

I had three very
expensive cameras.

Well, at least you
didn't wreck this one.

This is my lucky camera.

If anything happened
to this baby,

I'd die... or kill.

So, where are you
from, MacGyver?

Well, I started out

in Minnesota.

Since then,

ah, here, there,

this place, that place.

Trouble with the
law, or, uh, itchy feet?

Oh, a little of that.

Mostly, I wanted to see
how the world worked,

meet people,

and learn how they're
different, the same...

MacGyver, you are a romantic!

No, no.

Just a guy

who...

( plane engine whirring)

Spotter plane!

Great!

MAN IN PLANE: They're spotted
heading north toward Garabuan.

Moving under cover.

Lost visual contact.

Faster!

Hang on! Their plane saw us!

Slow down, MacGyver.

You're messing up my shot!

Whoa!

Oh!

Oh! Oh. Oh...

( screaming)

Whoa! Whoo!

( brakes squeaking)

( engine stops)

( birds singing)

Oh...

Don't say it.

I wasn't gonna say a thing.

We're sunk.

This is it.

There's no way
we're gonna make it.

Ah, it's not that bad.

Oh, yes, it is.

No, it's not.

Please tell me how
things could be worse.

Ah, you're right.

You convinced me.

We're in a lot of trouble.

( animal calling)

CONOLLY: So, how far
are we from the border?

MacGYVER: Oh, about ten miles.

So, how are you
gonna start a fire?

Make lightning, or
rub two sticks together?

Well, thought I'd use a match.

Aw, shucks, MacGyver,

I was looking forward
to seeing some more

of your Boy Scout stuff.

( rustling in brush)

What was that?

Sounds like supper to me.

Excuse me.

Well, trap worked.

Ooh, what's that?

I told you.

Supper.

MacGyver, you don't
eat things like that.

You call pest control.

No, they taste an
awful lot like chicken.

I don't care if they
taste like Beluga caviar,

I am not eating lizard. Ooh!

Mmm.

Mmm. Very next
dinner party I give,

breast of lizard à la MacGyver.

It's delicious.

You're a very... unexpected

man, MacGyver.

You...

keep me off balance.

I'm sorry.

No. I think...

I think I like it.

( sighs)

Want to share?

That's quite an offer.

Is that a yes

or a no?

( speaking in Spanish)

They're not inside.

Then they're on foot.

Good.

( chuckling, shouting
in the distance)

Every time something
else goes wrong,

you say it is good.

If your soldiers
had been on the ball

back there at the plaza...

You are talking to a general!

Oh, I thought I was
talking to my new partner.

( laughs)

But the border is less
than ten miles to the north.

Look, General,

why don't you try
keeping half of your troops

back here behind
them, pushing them

forward so they
can't double back?

There's only one road leading

to the border,
and we control it.

So, they want to
cross the border,

they have to come
through here through us.

So, it's just a matter of time.

That's what you told me
50 kilometers ago, Ryerson.

But...

if your plan fails,
and they get through,

I will not deport you.

I will destroy you.

Even if it's my
last act in office.

( distant shouting and chatter)

MacGYVER: What do you see?

CONOLLY: Two men with guns.

What do you see?

Opportunity knocking.

You know, you could
stand to lose a few pounds.

You rat!

Buenos días, you guys!

What's shakin'?

Name's MacGyver.

We're the ones
you're looking for.

And, fellas,

this here is your lucky day!

'Cause you get to turn us in.

Listen, would you mind

holding her? She weighs a ton.

( grunts)

( grunting)

( groans)

( grunting)

All right, Conolly!

Yes, yes! Now you're
getting the hang of things.

My lucky camera... it's wrecked!

Well, now, I bet you
we can get it fixed

about nine miles up that road.

I'm sorry.

( sighs)

Any time, MacGyver.

I like that kind of talk.

Come on.

MacGYVER: See anything?

No.

It's like we're the only
people in the whole world.

Oh, I wouldn't count on it.

My guess is they're not
more than an hour behind us.

We must be damned
close to that border.

MacGyver, we
are just about there.

We are there, Kate.

That's Mexico,

right there,

on the other side of that river.

( soldier shouting)

( indistinct conversation)

( Conolly sighs)

What do you think?

You know, I gotta admit

these two boys know
what they're doing.

They got every approach
to the border locked up tight,

and there's just no
going around them.

( sighs)

Well, I guess we're just
gonna have to go through 'em.

Attack.

With what?

That's a good question.

Yeah. Yeah.

There's nothing
he can do. Nothing.

Mexican Border Patrol.

Let 'em watch.

They can keep score.

It's not great,

but it's not bad.

What are we gonna do, MacGyver?

Start a war, I guess.

( chuckles softly)

You make it sound so easy.

That's to keep me from thinking

about how scared I am.

PILOT ( over radio):
Continuing search, Comandante.

No sign of intruders.

Keep searching.

They gotta be up there.

They gotta be.

Airplane reports nothing.

It's the first time

I ever deliberately tried
to overheat an engine.

Okay,

we now have a lot of dirty
oil. ( airplane flying overhead)

What's that do
for the war effort?

The military calls
it chemical fog.

Civilians get
more to the point...

It's air pollution.

What does the, uh,

MacGyver/Conolly team call it?

A long shot.

PILOT: Running low on fuel.

Returning to base.

I don't care if
you're low on fuel.

Keep looking.

Here.

When this heats up,

it oughta make some
pretty good-looking smog.

Where are they?

They can't just
disappear like shadows.

Look, General,
your troops are here

and behind them.

Every exit sealed off.

You've done a good job.

Don't panic.

So you feel we have them...

caught between us?

I know it.

Either they come out our way
or they don't come out at all.

Smoke bombs, stink bombs,

rolling bombs, juggernauts.

I feel like Rosie the Riveter

in a jury-rigged bomb factory.

That's quite an inventory,

but not much to
be proud of though.

Hey, it has my approval.

How are we gonna
get this darned thing

across the river?

Under their noses.

( liquid pouring)

( engine sputtering)

PILOT: Spotter plane
to Command Post.

Subjects are in section five
and headed toward the border.

General, we got 'em.

( soldier shouts)

( engine sputtering)

They're crazy.

And smart.

( soldiers talking
excitedly in Spanish)

( engine idling)

( shouts in Spanish)

( soldiers shouting in Spanish)

It's time to get
our party started.

( engine idling)

( engine revving)

( engine revving)

( gears grinding)

( engine sputtering)

( gunfire)

( gunfire)

All right!

( indistinct shouting)

Watch for them, now.

Watch for them!

Shoot anything that moves!

Okay, you ready?

If, uh, things don't work out...

I'm really glad I
got to know you.

Me, too.

Let's go.

Forward!

Up the hill!

( indistinct shouting)

( gunfire)

( gunfire)

( gunfire)

MacGYVER: Hang on, Conolly!

CONOLLY: Hang on to what?!

( panting)

Come on, Kate, swim.

( gunfire continues)

There they are!

Kill them! Shoot them!

MacGyver! Stop them!

( gunfire continues)

( soldiers shouting in Spanish)

Welcome to Mexico.

Do you have anything to declare?

Wise guy.

No, David.

It's too late.

I always keep my promises.

( snaps fingers)

( gun chambering bullet)

( camera timer whirring)

I thought your
camera was broken.

I fixed it...

MacGyver style.

( camera shutter clicks)