MacGyver (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 14 - Mardi Gras Beads + Chair - full transcript
The team heads to New Orleans to track down a con artist posing as the wife of one of Jack's old CIA aliases; enemies of his alias resurface looking for revenge.
(wind howling)
(people screaming)
Keep your foot on that!
I want to hear you say it!
It was a bad idea
getting in this thunder box!
Hey, if you want to leave,
the door is right there.
This mission was
supposed to be easy.
Fly to a beautiful
island nation,
crash a government
shindig and get proof
of a brewing coup d'etat.
Which we did!
Mission accomplished!
Mission not accomplished!
Number one: we just
found evidence that not one,
but two generals were planning
to overthrow the government.
Not exactly a good
idea to wait out the storm
in a building locked
with them, okay?
And number two...
Hey! Do me a favor! Huh?
You keep number one and
number two out of this, you hear me?
All right, fair enough.
That was a bad choice of words.
That was definitely the
worst choice you made
in the last 20 minutes.
(grunting)
MacGYVER: The structural
integrity of these things
is actually pretty
solid, because of the
one-piece molding,
the-the lightweight polymer.
Portable toilet facts?
Really? That's the last
thing that I'm gonna hear
before I die? We're not
gonna die! We're not gonna die!
Okay? We're gonna be fine.
I don't think we're in agreement
on what the word "fine" means.
Okay, okay, all right, fine!
You're right. It was a bad idea!
Probably one of the
worst ideas I've ever had.
(sighs) But I'm
allowed to be wrong
every now and then, aren't I?
I don't disagree, but this
time, it may be the last time.
♪ ♪
So, dinner's going great, man.
She's laughing, I'm laughing.
Then about halfway through,
Bruce Willis's name comes up.
I'm not really sure how.
I could imagine why.
So, she looks at me
deadpan straight-faced
and goes, "Bruce Willis?
Was that the old guy
from The Expendables?"
Did she say it like
that? It's not how
she said it, it's what she
said. And what'd you say?
I said, "Check, please."
Hold on. No second date?
No way. All right. No. Stop.
You got to stop doing
this. Stop doing what?
Coming up with ridiculous
reasons to stop dating people.
That's not a ridiculous reason.
Okay, let me put it this way.
How many dates have you been on
the last year? I don't
know, man. I ain't counting.
But my Tinder profile
is pretty en fuego.
How many have been second dates?
Not that many. Look,
we both know what
happened this time last year.
What?
Oh, come on, Mac.
This has nothing
to do with that.
Really?
Your clear refusal
to even try and have
a meaningful
connection with a woman
over the last year
has nothing to do
with Sarah getting married,
which, coincidentally,
was just over a year ago? Nope.
(sighs) Sarah is
happily married, man.
Mm-hmm. And you
still won't let yourself
move on. Hey,
I'm moving on just
fine. Don't you worry
about that, okay?
It's not my fault that
most of the women
I've met recently don't
have that special something.
I'm not that picky. All she has
to do is be smart and beautiful.
And-and know some Krav Maga
and be able to handle
herself in a firefight.
You know, that's a real asset.
No one is ever
going to be Sarah,
but comparing everyone
else in the world to her
is unfair to them, and
more importantly, it's unfair
to you.
What do I need a
girlfriend for anyway, man?
You ain't got one.
Not for lack of trying.
And neither does Bozer.
We get to do what we
want, when we want.
Bachelors ain't got to answer
to nobody, man. It's awesome.
Hey, what's up? Bam!
Ooh. Mama looks pissed.
Excuse me? Well, I'm
just saying, you don't look
as-as sunshiny as usual.
Okay, I would like for you to
switch to your inner voice now.
Okay. I'm serious, Jack.
All right. What's going on?
Yeah, is this about Murdoc?
MATTY: I wish,
but unfortunately,
it's about another notorious
figure from the past.
Who? Someone I
thought I'd buried
a decade ago.
Duke Jacoby.
Ooh, no way.
How is that even possible?
Wait. Am-am I supposed to
know who this person is or...?
Yeah. What is he? A drug dealer?
Gunrunner? Is he a mercenary?
Depends on the day of the week.
BOZER: Uh, why does
Duke Jacoby have Jack's face?
It's one of my old
CIA covers, Bozer.
MATTY: After Hurricane Katrina,
New Orleans was
basically the Wild West,
so while law enforcement
was busy reinstating
order in the streets...
Duke was sent in to keep an
eye on all the sinister activity
going on in and around
the Port of New Orleans.
With Duke's help, the Agency
was able to disrupt over
100 criminal and terrorist plots.
Yeah. I mean, he
was one of the best
CIA covers, like, ever.
He was also one of
the most expensive
CIA covers, like, ever. Yeah.
So much so that the
top brass considered
having him assassinated.
They called it
"Operation Budget Cuts."
Well, by that point, I almost
wish they did kill him off.
I-I hated being that guy.
Okay, but if Jack is
Duke, and Jack is here,
then how exactly has Duke
resurfaced in New Orleans?
Yeah. I don't know, Bozer,
but two days ago,
someone started reactivating
Duke's digital
footprint in NOLA...
Opening new bank accounts,
unfreezing old credit cards,
accessing his DMV records.
How'd this person get all
this info on a CIA cover?
And what are they
planning on doing with it?
Well, that is exactly what
I'm taking Mac and Jack
to New Orleans to find out.
You're coming with us?
That's how serious this is.
All right.
Riley, I need you here,
combing through both the Phoenix
and CIA networks.
Find out if someone hacked
in and stole Duke's info.
Okay. I'll be sure to bring
you back some beignets, Riley.
MATTY: Actually, Bozer,
you're staying here to work
on another assignment.
Then you'll assist
Riley in the war room.
Mm! So...
I guess you can pick
us up some donuts.
MATTY: All right, people,
we've got work to do. Mac, Jack,
wheels up in 20.
Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
(upbeat French music playing)
JACK: Man, it's
weird being back here.
I was really hoping
Duke had said good-bye
to this place for good.
(streetcar bell dings)
You've been checking over
your shoulder ever since
we got here. I'm guessing
Duke had some enemies.
You know that old-school
white pages phone
book I have at my house?
Yeah. The one that I told
you to get rid of because
it's pretty much useless.
Yeah. That's the one.
Well, Duke made enough
enemies to fill two of 'em.
Just showing my face
around here is a risk.
Okay, to be fair, Dalton,
showing your face
anywhere is a
risk. I'm just saying.
Okay, now where are you
taking us? I'm taking you
right to the source.
(door bells tinkle)
I call upon the
spirits of the beyond
and ask
that they give me
the power of sight!
(woman gasps)
(chuckles)
You can drop the act, Willy.
You ain't fooling anybody.
Except for maybe these yahoos.
WOMAN: What?
Show's over. Everyone out.
You have got a lot of nerve
coming in here, Jacoby.
I'm still quicker with a
blade than you are, old man.
(laughing) (laughing)
Hey, you old
salty dog. How are you, Duke?
I'm doing good. Good
to see you. (laughing)
Guys, this is Willy.
He is king of the Big Easy
underground. Nothing goes on
in this town without
him knowing about it,
and more often than not,
he's got a piece of the
action, ain't that right?
Well, a man's got to eat, Duke.
JACK: You're right.
Uh, can I help you?
Sorry. I was just trying to see
how you made the flame so big,
but now I see the
modified butane lighters
and the flash powder
for a kick, yeah?
Underneath the sleeves.
That's what I would've done.
Uh, who the hell is this, Duke?
Well, these two
are my associates, Will.
Are you in town long, man?
Only long enough to find out
who's been running around town
pretending to be me.
You wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?
Well, I would love
to help you out, Duke,
but first, there's the small
matter of the five grand
you owe me from that
business with the Dominicans.
Right.
Here you go.
MATTY: I see now
why you haven't mentioned
this place before, Duke.
Just tell us what
you know, will you?
I'm sorry, Duke.
I-I wish I knew something,
but I haven't seen anybody
pretending to be you.
Copy that. Thanks.
It's good to see you.
Let's go.
However, I did see your wife,
and, man, she's a knockout.
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
She's a real peach, huh?
You haven't seen
her around, have you?
Yes, I'd like to
find her right now.
I imagine Dixie Lee's
at your new place, Duke.
You do remember where
your new place is, right?
Because if, by some odd chance,
you've forgotten
your own address,
I'd be happy to remind
you... (clears throat)
for a small fee, of course.
Of course.
You know, I'm a little...
a little light.
(snaps fingers) Matty,
give me a little
scratch, will you?
Looks like Mrs.
Jacoby is not home.
Really? That's a shame.
I was really looking forward to
meeting the old ball and chain.
Yeah. Me, too.
MacGYVER: Look what I found.
Well, now we know
what she's been doing
with Duke's good credit.
Riley, you're up.
Whoa, this computer's
so brand-new,
there's next to nothing on it.
Well, "next to
nothing" isn't nothing.
It sure isn't.
I just found a hidden folder
of financial, DMV and IRS info,
all belonging to Duke Jacoby.
JACK: That's great, Ri.
But we already knew Dixie
Lee had that stuff on Duke.
Okay, Jack, but what
about the other 16?
What? What?
16?
I just found 16
more hidden folders,
containing info on 16
other CIA cover identities.
I'm sending them
over now, Matty.
(phone chimes)
Some of these are still active.
Well, that means we're looking
at a much bigger breach
than we originally thought.
Whoever Dixie is, we
need to find her now,
before she gets a whole bunch
of undercover CIA
operatives killed.
We have searched
every inch of this place,
and all we've learned
about my better half
is that she has kick-ass taste.
Does she, though? I don't
know. It's not really my thing, but...
MacGYVER: More importantly,
why would an operative who just stole
17 CIA cover I.D.s
risk this big of a footprint?
Maybe that was part of her plan.
She suspected Duke was a CIA
cover, she poses as his spouse,
starts making noise to
see who will show up.
Well, if this is a trap, then
we've already walked into it.
Look, I want to
know who this lady is
and where she is
right now. Riley?
I'm working on it.
But I'm having a little trouble.
There's not a single
active cell phone
registered to either
Mr. or Mrs. Jacoby.
Well, can you track her
credit card purchases?
I could, but she didn't
make any purchases
with Duke's credit cards.
She used them to take
out cash advances at ATMs.
And before you ask
about the ATM cameras,
she blocked them.
Every last one of them.
She sounds like a pro.
How much cash
did the missus take?
Just north of 50 grand.
50 grand isn't exactly
walking around cash.
No, it is not. Dixie's
got a hiding spot
in this house somewhere.
We got to find it.
Jack, I need your cell phone.
Huh? It's brand-new.
You heard me.
Jack. There's three
phones sitting right there.
And she is my
wife, so technically
they're half mine.
Just use one of those.
Okay, number one, those
phones are evidence.
Number two, she's not really
your wife.
And number three, give
Mac your damn phone.
Yeah, yeah, one, two, three,
break Jack's phone, I get it.
Oh, I'm gonna need a... broom.
What, are we gonna
clean the place?
Go get it.
Fine.
MacGYVER: So, ever since 2004,
all U.S. currency
has been printed
using metallic ink.
So, more bills...
You don't got to smile
while you're breaking it.
Sorry.
Means...
more metal. Now,
if we can attach
the Hall effect sensor
from your phone
to this radio speaker...
Thank you.
We should have
our own makeshift...
metal detector.
(metal detector beeps)
(crackling)
(metal detector beeps)
How long is this gonna take?
(metal detector beeps)
MacGYVER: Got something.
Oh...
What? Hello, Mrs...
Hello, Mrs. Jacoby.
Let me see that.
Ay, Chihuahua, yes, please.
You know, Duke's the
one with kick-ass taste.
Riley, sending you a picture now
of the woman who
is not Jack's wife.
Yeah, but has serious potential.
RILEY: Copy that.
Running facial recognition
against all databases.
Got her.
Dixie Lee Jacoby's real
name is Darlene Hagen,
born February 19.
Oh, I spoke too soon.
I'm looking at seven
I.D.s from seven states
with seven different names,
all with the same face.
Who is this woman?
That's a good question.
RILEY: I don't
know about the who,
but I might be able to
help you with the where.
She's not on any law
enforcement databases.
I've been running her face
against all the security cams
and social media
posts in New Orleans.
Ooh.
I got her walking
into a jazz club
on Royal 20 minutes ago.
I'm sending the address now.
All right.
Bounce.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
A-And technically,
that-that's half mine.
Hey, Bozer, you alone?
Looks that way.
Why? What's up?
(keypad beeps)
I scanned the CIA's network
to see if Dixie broke in
to steal those cover identities.
But I didn't find
any sign of a breach.
That's good news, right?
Yeah, until I used that
same scan on our network,
and that's when...
things got less good.
Less good how?
Just like the CIA, I
found zero evidence
on anyone trying to break
into the Phoenix network.
But I did find some hidden,
encrypted traffic heading out.
These are encrypted data
streams from an unauthorized user.
A bunch of small,
daily bursts,
like, maybe text messages.
And then yesterday at 3:28 p.m.,
there was a
sustained transmission.
Like, maybe a phone call.
I think we have another
mole in the Phoenix.
ROBOT: How curious, Bozer.
3:28 p.m.
is precisely the same time
you were on the phone
with... Thank you, narc.
(sighs)
It's me.
You?
I met someone. At spy school.
Her name's Leanna.
She's amazing.
Like, amazing amazing.
But at graduation, we were
ordered never to communicate
with any of the other
students ever again.
So instead of
following this order,
you decide to try and sneak
unauthorized
encrypted transmission
to your girlfriend
through the Phoenix?
Bozer, are you
trying to get caught?
No, of course not, but love
makes you do crazy things,
Riley, I...
Oh, my God.
That's the first time
I've ever admitted
I'm in love with Leanna.
Well, congratulations,
Bozer, but now
I'm gonna have to kill
you for involving me in this.
Please. You can't tell Matty.
I don't want to.
But if she finds out I knew
about this and stayed quiet...
Look, I'm sorry you
got dragged into this,
but I've never met anyone
like her before, Riley.
Isn't that the same line
you used on me
when we first met?
Leanna's different.
She's special.
I-I mean, we don't
work together,
so it's not awkward like
it was for you and me...
Okay, I don't know
what I'm saying.
I'm freaking out here.
Look...
I already made my choice.
So now...
I guess you got to make yours.
(jazz music playing)
Well, cover me.
I'm gonna go introduce
myself to my wife.
Uh, bourbon. Neat. Please.
And would you refill
this lovely young lady's
glass again for me?
Thanks, but I prefer to
pay for my own poison.
Yeah, if that were true,
you wouldn't be here
drinking on my dime.
No, no, no. Wait,
wait, hang on now.
Just relax. Relax.
Don't you want to have a little
drinky-poo with your hubby?
What are we drinking to?
To your last days
as a free woman.
You're even cuter in person.
Mmm. I like the
way you do your hair.
(laughs) Oh, is that your
play? Cheap compliments?
Then you bat those eyelashes,
and you head for
the door, is that it?
Wouldn't be the first time
that little combo
got me out of a jam.
Mm. Besides,
if you really wanted
to turn me in,
you would've brought cops.
So, what do you want, sugar?
Answers.
You can start with your
name and who you work for.
My name you're
gonna have to earn.
And who says I work for anyone?
Come on, you lifted 17 I.D.s.
You expect me to believe
you did all that on your own?
I'm a woman of many talents.
I bet.
Another one for
you, Ms. Jackoby?
It's Jac... It's Jacoby.
(laughs)
Another round for
me and my husband.
And keep the change.
JACK: Ooh.
Wow. Just like that.
Right in front of me. Okay.
Why have money if
you're not gonna spend it?
Mmm, Ms. Jacoby,
you are a cute one,
I'll give you that much.
Thank you.
But I think
you're a plain old con artist
who's in way over her head.
I think we both know
there's nothing old
or plain about me.
Listen, Dixie...
Or whatever your name
is... Playtime is over.
Okay? This is serious business.
You're gonna have
to tell me right now
how you got my identity
and the 16 others.
For your own safety.
You understand?
You know, most marks
only care about
their bank balance...
How much money they've lost,
if they're gonna get it back.
And no one's ever
followed me in person,
let alone this fast.
Just tell me how
you got the I.D.s.
And now that I think about
it, there was something off
about the paper trail on
you and your 16 friends.
Zero fraud claims,
not even a late payment.
It was a little too
clean, a little too perfect.
What can I say? I'm
a responsible guy.
(laughs) Oh, come on, sugar.
We both know that's not true.
I may be just a
plain old con artist,
but you ain't Duke Jacoby
because Duke
Jacoby doesn't exist.
So, why don't you
start by telling me
what your real name is?
Duke, you got some fans
looking for you. Front door.
Ooh!
Ow.
♪ ♪
Go! Friends of yours?
Yeah, Duke didn't
really have friends.
You know what I'm saying?
(streetcar bell dings)
Go get Dixie. I got these guys.
JACK: All right.
Move! Move! (gasping)
Stop! Stop. Okay.
Nice try, honey, but
you're not going anywhere.
Now listen to me for a sec.
(tires screech)
Don't move.
What's up, man?
No!
Get your hands off my damn wife.
MacGYVER: Hey!
Matty...
we got a problem.
Someone just stole a lot
more than Duke's identity.
(snoring)
(groans)
Morning, sunshine.
Morning.
How long was I out?
Hmm, 30 minutes,
give or take. (groans)
(grunts) I already tried that.
Yeah? They cut the
emergency release.
Oh. We're good and stuck.
So, hubby, you want to
tell me who these guys are?
Well, it's hard to say, really.
Could be the 39ers.
Could be the Bayou Mafia.
Could be the two
guys I hunted down
for the Bayou Mafia.
It's dealer's choice, really.
Seriously, who are you?
It... it's complicated.
You know, maybe you
should do a tad more research
before you go pretending to be
somebody's wife next time, okay?
(car stops) Look, I actually
don't care who you are,
or what's going on
here. That's not very nice.
I just don't want to get in
the middle of this, okay?
All right? So if this is
about the identities I stole,
I'm sorry.
I've been conning this
government IT contractor
for weeks, planning
to drain his 401k.
But when I got
access to his computer,
I found his bank accounts,
credit cards, social
security numbers.
I mean, I thought
I hit the jackpot.
I figured y'all
were just 17 people
in some government database,
not 17 people the
government made up.
All right, look, I-I can't
tell you what's
going on, I'm sorry.
But I promise I'm gonna get
you out of this, okay? I promise.
(snoring)
Who is this guy? No clue.
But someone sent him
and eight others to grab Jack
and our fake Mrs. Jacoby.
In all the excitement,
this guy got left behind.
And from what I've
heard about Duke,
I think it's a safe bet
that whoever sent
these guys is not a friend.
Great. Which means we
have yet another problem.
Because it's only a matter of
time before Duke's better half
realizes she's sitting on
one hell of a bargaining chip.
17 freshly stolen CIA identities
could fetch millions
on the black market.
Yes. So first things first:
let's I.D. sleeping
beauty here. Riley?
All right, let's
see who you are.
Well, first, there's too many
hits, now there's too few.
Sorry, guys, all I can tell
you is this guy doesn't have
a criminal record
or a driver's license.
Would you like to
rouse our guest?
My pleasure.
Where you going? I was gonna
go make some smelling salts.
Oh, never mind, Goldilocks.
I'll just do it the
old-fashioned way.
Hey, sleepyhead.
How you feeling?
Where did you take Duke Jacoby?
BOZER: Hey, Matty.
Sorry to interrupt,
but at spy school, we learned
an interrogation technique
for situations like this.
You start by going
into his mental space
and then you want
to... MATTY: Bozer.
You do realize that I wrote
that entire curriculum, right?
(man groans, speaks Albanian)
That's Albanian, and so is he.
Riley, pull up everything
about the Albanian
mob in Duke's file. Okay.
Oh, and Bozer, here's a tip:
whenever you're in pain,
you always revert to
your mother tongue.
You might want
to write that down.
RILEY: Well,
I see a long list of dirtballs
who despise Duke,
but nothing about any Albanians.
So how do we find Jack?
(clicks tongue)
He may not be able
to tell us where Jack is,
but he might be able to show us.
(exhales)
(chuckles)
Little Raymond?
(exhales)
It's just Raymond now.
Oh, okay.
You know, the
last time I saw you,
your pops had you
dragging Lake Pontchatoony,
Pontchatong... whatever...
You remember that?
When you lost that huge...
drug shipment. This
guy's a moron, man.
No.
What I remember is you losing
the shipment and blaming me.
Yeah, well, who can be sure
about something like
that after this long?
I can.
I remember that entire June
perfectly. You want to know why?
Why? 'Cause that was the
month you double-crossed us.
Pops went down for racketeering.
Got 60 years in the can.
And you... skipped town.
Hey, hey. What's
with the attitude?
"Just Ray."
Looks like you're running
things just fine now.
You know, you should
probably be thanking me
for your promotion.
You're welcome. You're welcome.
I've dreamt of killing you
for a long time, Jacoby.
Can't believe I actually
get to be the one to do it.
Congratulations.
Don't worry. It'll be quick.
For the missus. (gasps)
Not so much for you.
No-no-no, wait, wait,
wait a minute now.
She has nothing to do with this.
She's not even my
real wife. It's true.
You got to believe him.
You think I'm married?
I've never seen him
before today. No.
If I'm being honest,
I don't really care who you are.
(gun cocks) (gasps)
I'll give you half
a million dollars.
What?
Yeah, the-the 500.
Now put the gun on me.
$500,000 I stole
from your old
man before I split.
There you go.
I mean, y-you are family.
Technically, it's yours.
I'll just give it to you.
What $500,000?
What-what are you talking about?
Why do you think I would
come back to this armpit?
I hate New Orleans.
Do you know how many
people want to kill me here? Huh?
(chuckles)
I'd need a good reason.
And I got 530,000 good ones,
you know what I'm saying?
But, baby, we were
gonna use that money
to build a house... Not
right now, Dixie Cup.
With a view of the bayou.
Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie.
We will work this out. Should of
known this was gonna happen.
Mama warned me from
the start you were... Karen,
no good at follow-through.
Are we still role-playing?
Shut up, the both of you.
You really have
$500,000 of my money?
Yup.
Maybe now would
be a good time for you
to let me in on
what you're doing.
I'm coating the
cuffs in a mixture
of selenium powder,
cadmium oxide,
and good old muriatic acid.
When blended together,
they cause a reaction
that emits a light
at a wavelength
that can only be seen
by infrared cameras.
Like, say, the IR camera in
one of our keyhole satellites?
Exactly.
So, now, all we got to do
is slide these cuffs on
our large friend over there,
let him think that he's escaped,
and then he's either gonna run
to the nearest airport or...
Straight back to his boss,
who's holding Jack and Dixie.
Okay. It's a long shot.
But 50/50 odds are a hell
of a lot better than nothing.
Got to make this
look convincing,
so step one is letting him
know we're gonna be moving him
to a more secure location,
which will motivate
him. (man grunts)
Sounds like your friend
just skipped step one.
(grunts)
Well, did you get
the cuffs on him?
Barely.
And don't worry about
me, Matty, I'll be fine.
Good. Riley, you're up.
Get us an eye in the sky.
You know when
that lunatic realizes
you didn't actually
steal his money,
he's gonna kill us
both. Don't worry.
I'm working on
getting my hands free.
The trick's gonna be
to get close enough
to one of these goons
to lift a weapon.
I might be able to help
with that. Yeah, how's that?
Mr. Scowly over there's
been patting his pockets
for two hours.
He wants a
cigarette, but he's out.
If I tell him I have a
pack on me and offer one
in exchange for a light...
He'll close the
distance himself.
Very clever. Thanks.
Smart, beautiful, brave...
You know, you
could've been anything.
How'd you wind up
doing something like this?
You'd rather play
"get to know you" than
"get the hell out of here"?
Still working on
getting my hands free.
Thought we could do both.
(scoffs) (chuckles)
I tried the legit life.
But had to be
honest with myself...
I like life on this
side of the law.
And I love my work.
It does make it hard to
meet Mr. Right, though.
(laughs) Why is that funny?
It's just... it's just familiar.
You know, I think
if we'd have met
under different circumstances
and-and weren't about to die...
I think we might've
had a second date,
maybe even a third.
Oh, you're assuming I'd
have said yes to the first. Hmm.
Okay. I almost
got my hands free.
You-you about ready for
that smoke? (door opens)
So, I called some
associates. And guess what?
Not a single person can confirm
your story about the 500 grand.
But the more people I spoke
to, the more it became clear
you were right about one
thing: there are a lot of folks
in New Orleans who hate you.
And so, I made a few more calls
and found a mutual acquaintance
who said you left him and
his brother for dead years ago.
In a swamp? Oh, yeah, well,
I wanted to kill those two
ding-dongs on the boat.
It was just more convenient
to throw them overboard.
And a lot nicer, if
you think about it.
Well, that's not
how they see it.
Well... Turns out these brothers
dislike you so much, Duke,
they're willing to
pay me a cool million
for the honor of
killing you themselves.
It's been a real pleasure
being your husband.
BOZER: Okay, Mac's infrared
handcuffs are doing the trick.
Our Albanian friend just
turned right on Tulane Avenue.
RILEY: But Mac was right about
the chemical tags wearing off.
Color's fading
fast. I don't think
we're gonna be able to
track him much longer.
MATTY: This guy's our
best hope at finding Jack.
I need you to pinpoint
his position now.
Well, either Riley just
jinxed us and the tag wore off,
or he just ran into a
building on Pierce Street.
(speaking Albanian)
(explosion)
Drop your weapons!
Hands in the air! Get
down on your knees!
(shouting)
No. Get him up, now!
(gasps)
I sincerely hope y'all are friends
with my husband. Where is he?
I don't know. But I know somebody's
paying a million dollars to kill him.
And I might be able to
help you figure out who.
So how about we make a deal?
Okay, according to Dixie,
the Albanians are selling Jack
to a couple of brothers
he left in a swamp.
Let's hope Duke put
something about them in the files.
Bet Jack never thought his
life would hinge on his ability
to fill out paperwork.
(typing)
RILEY: Matty, I think
we got a hit. In 2009,
Duke was transporting
two Brazilian smugglers
through the bayou
at night, when, quote,
"Things went kind of sideways,
"due to nobody's
fault in particular,
"and I wound up tossing 'em both
in the drink." Ooh.
Do these smugglers have a name?
BOZER: Matheus
and Gustavo Barbosa.
They blew into New
Orleans after the hurricane
and put down roots.
It looks like they've expanded
from smuggling to real estate.
They're buying up
properties all over the city...
Vacant lots, abandoned houses,
a couple of car
washes, a cemetery.
A cemetery? If I was
gonna kill someone
and hide the evidence,
that would do the trick.
MATTY: Okay, Mac,
SWAT's in place,
and they're not gonna move
until I give them
the green light.
If our targets suspect
anything suspicious,
they can kill Dalton on-site.
Any signs of the
Albanians or Brazilians?
No. Everyone is resting
peacefully on my end.
But this place is huge,
and we still don't know
if this is where the deal
is going down for sure.
Matty, I got eyes
on the Albanians.
Headed for the south exit.
(siren chirps)
Don't move! Put your
hands on the wheel!
Where I can see 'em!
They're not in the
vehicle! Where is he?
Duke. Where's Duke?
Don't know anyone by that name.
Where did the Barbosas take him?
RILEY: Uh, Mac,
there's a crazy heat plume
that just popped
up on the sat feed.
It's in the southwest
corner of the cemetery.
Crematorium.
(nail gun clacking)
(groaning)
Hey, wait a minute, fellas!
We can work
something out, can't we?!
Come on!
♪ ♪
(switch buzzes)
Oh...
Well, Duke,
I kind of always thought
you'd get me killed one day.
I just didn't think it'd be...
today.
Mac, what are you doing?
SWAT's mobilizing an assault now.
Jack can't wait, Matty.
Incinerator's already burning.
Follow his lead! Go, go, go!
(tires screeching)
Mac, we have no idea
how many hostiles are
in that building. You have
a plan to deal with that?
I'll worry about that
once I shut off the gas.
And how do you plan to do that?
After Katrina, all gas lines in
New Orleans were retrofitted
with emergency shutoff valves
in case of another disaster.
And?
(engine revving)
I'm about to be that disaster.
(mouths)
(engine revving)
(panting)
Come on, Mac. I
need you now, buddy.
I need you now
more than ever. Mac.
Mac! Hey! Help!
(engine revving)
(horn honking)
MAN: Go, go, go!
(honking continues)
Shoot him.
(gunshots)
Drop it!
Drop it! Don't you move!
Get down on your knees now!
Jack, I'm here! Hang on!
Mac, get me out of here!
I'm coming!
(grunting)
(coughing)
(grunting)
You okay? I don't know, man.
I was just on fire. You tell me.
You look good to
me. Good? (coughs)
Let's scratch that
one off the bucket list.
What?
Being burned alive,
you know, I was...
I was kind of curious.
(panting)
You're insane, man.
So are you.
(groans, shouts)
That was a mistake!
Mac? (shouts)
JACK: Well, thanks for
getting me out of there, buddy.
It was getting a little warm.
(groans) Easy with
the tootsies there, bud.
So, what kind of gadget did
you come up with to bust me out?
Drove that Cadillac
through the building,
and then I pulled you out
with my bare hands.
Sounds like I'm
rubbing off on you.
What, did you run out of
paper clips and bubble gum
or something? (grunts) Yeah.
Something like
that. Thanks, man.
Oh, yeah.
Cute mittens, Blondie.
Thanks.
You like my socks?
No, Jack. I was just kidding.
But, seriously,
you guys are lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately, Duke Jacoby
can't say the same thing,
because he never
made it out of that coffin.
I just got off the
phone with the CIA.
Duke Jacoby is
now officially KIA.
Well, that is fantastic
news. No offense.
No, none taken. RIP.
No one's happier seeing him
in the rearview mirror than me.
But, uh...
what's gonna happen to her?
Dixie Lee Jacoby
will be buried here,
right alongside
her husband, Duke.
But as far as the
unidentified con woman
in handcuffs over there,
we're gonna put her
skills to good use.
I just negotiated a deal to
have her charges dropped
in exchange for
her helping the CIA
to make better cover identities.
NOPD should be getting
the word right... about...
Okay. Copy. Now.
Matty, that is the nicest thing
you've ever done
for me... thank you.
You must have left some brain
cells back in that box, Dalton.
I did it for national
security, not for you.
Speaking of which, the
very first thing I am doing
when we get home is
ordering a full review
of your after action reports.
Every last one.
Yeah, well, as
horrible as that sounds,
it's better than being
barbecued alive.
I look forward to
what I'm sure will be
an unending ass whooping.
They told me you guys are
responsible for my release.
Thank you.
Thank her.
Thank you. Seriously.
And for what it's worth...
I am so sorry for
everything I put you through.
That is so sweet.
You're so sweet.
Apology accepted.
MacGYVER: Hey, Matty,
I think SWAT has
some more questions
about the seismic
shutoff valves.
Yeah, all over it.
It's Dawn.
Yeah. Yeah, I
kind of figured that
when I saw the
sun coming up... No.
The first question
that you asked me...
That's the answer.
My real name... it's Dawn.
Oh, Dawn.
Pretty name for a
pretty girl. Hi, I'm Jack.
Hi, Jack. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. Oh,
Dawn, walk with me, Dawn.
Okay. Ooh, ah.
What's your, uh, what's
your last name, Dawn?
Oh. Slow down, cowboy.
You're gonna have
to buy me dinner first.
(both chuckle)
Okay, I can do that. Can
I borrow some money?
(laughs) Anything you want.
RIP, Duke.
We hardly knew ye.
Mac, Jack and Matty
are wheels up in 10.
Only a few more hours before
Matty walks back
through that door.
And... have you thought about
what you're gonna say...
or not say?
Look, Bozer, what you
did was stupid and selfish,
and... and shortsighted.
But, after I decrypted
your messages to Leanna...
I may have read a few.
You did?
It was kind of hard not to...
"Snuggle-bear."
(laughs)
And the parts that didn't
make me want to throw up
were actually really sweet.
So you're not gonna turn me in?
I don't have to turn you in,
because you're never
gonna get caught.
Let me see your phone.
I built you guys a way
more encrypted app.
Completely undetectable
on the Phoenix network.
Which means this
conversation right here...
never happened.
Riley. Riley!
Thank you, Riley.
(both laughing, moaning)
Oh...
Jack Dalton,
I like your style.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, do you like Bruce Willis?
I love Bruce
Willis. He is so hot.
Really? Yeah.
You want to have a Die Hard
marathon in the bedroom?
Oh, yeah.
"Welcome to the party, pal."
(truck beeping outside)
No.
She robbed me?
(groans)
Not again. No, please.
She better not have
taken my dad's dog tags.
(exhales)
(drops remote)
Captioning sponsored y CBS
(people screaming)
Keep your foot on that!
I want to hear you say it!
It was a bad idea
getting in this thunder box!
Hey, if you want to leave,
the door is right there.
This mission was
supposed to be easy.
Fly to a beautiful
island nation,
crash a government
shindig and get proof
of a brewing coup d'etat.
Which we did!
Mission accomplished!
Mission not accomplished!
Number one: we just
found evidence that not one,
but two generals were planning
to overthrow the government.
Not exactly a good
idea to wait out the storm
in a building locked
with them, okay?
And number two...
Hey! Do me a favor! Huh?
You keep number one and
number two out of this, you hear me?
All right, fair enough.
That was a bad choice of words.
That was definitely the
worst choice you made
in the last 20 minutes.
(grunting)
MacGYVER: The structural
integrity of these things
is actually pretty
solid, because of the
one-piece molding,
the-the lightweight polymer.
Portable toilet facts?
Really? That's the last
thing that I'm gonna hear
before I die? We're not
gonna die! We're not gonna die!
Okay? We're gonna be fine.
I don't think we're in agreement
on what the word "fine" means.
Okay, okay, all right, fine!
You're right. It was a bad idea!
Probably one of the
worst ideas I've ever had.
(sighs) But I'm
allowed to be wrong
every now and then, aren't I?
I don't disagree, but this
time, it may be the last time.
♪ ♪
So, dinner's going great, man.
She's laughing, I'm laughing.
Then about halfway through,
Bruce Willis's name comes up.
I'm not really sure how.
I could imagine why.
So, she looks at me
deadpan straight-faced
and goes, "Bruce Willis?
Was that the old guy
from The Expendables?"
Did she say it like
that? It's not how
she said it, it's what she
said. And what'd you say?
I said, "Check, please."
Hold on. No second date?
No way. All right. No. Stop.
You got to stop doing
this. Stop doing what?
Coming up with ridiculous
reasons to stop dating people.
That's not a ridiculous reason.
Okay, let me put it this way.
How many dates have you been on
the last year? I don't
know, man. I ain't counting.
But my Tinder profile
is pretty en fuego.
How many have been second dates?
Not that many. Look,
we both know what
happened this time last year.
What?
Oh, come on, Mac.
This has nothing
to do with that.
Really?
Your clear refusal
to even try and have
a meaningful
connection with a woman
over the last year
has nothing to do
with Sarah getting married,
which, coincidentally,
was just over a year ago? Nope.
(sighs) Sarah is
happily married, man.
Mm-hmm. And you
still won't let yourself
move on. Hey,
I'm moving on just
fine. Don't you worry
about that, okay?
It's not my fault that
most of the women
I've met recently don't
have that special something.
I'm not that picky. All she has
to do is be smart and beautiful.
And-and know some Krav Maga
and be able to handle
herself in a firefight.
You know, that's a real asset.
No one is ever
going to be Sarah,
but comparing everyone
else in the world to her
is unfair to them, and
more importantly, it's unfair
to you.
What do I need a
girlfriend for anyway, man?
You ain't got one.
Not for lack of trying.
And neither does Bozer.
We get to do what we
want, when we want.
Bachelors ain't got to answer
to nobody, man. It's awesome.
Hey, what's up? Bam!
Ooh. Mama looks pissed.
Excuse me? Well, I'm
just saying, you don't look
as-as sunshiny as usual.
Okay, I would like for you to
switch to your inner voice now.
Okay. I'm serious, Jack.
All right. What's going on?
Yeah, is this about Murdoc?
MATTY: I wish,
but unfortunately,
it's about another notorious
figure from the past.
Who? Someone I
thought I'd buried
a decade ago.
Duke Jacoby.
Ooh, no way.
How is that even possible?
Wait. Am-am I supposed to
know who this person is or...?
Yeah. What is he? A drug dealer?
Gunrunner? Is he a mercenary?
Depends on the day of the week.
BOZER: Uh, why does
Duke Jacoby have Jack's face?
It's one of my old
CIA covers, Bozer.
MATTY: After Hurricane Katrina,
New Orleans was
basically the Wild West,
so while law enforcement
was busy reinstating
order in the streets...
Duke was sent in to keep an
eye on all the sinister activity
going on in and around
the Port of New Orleans.
With Duke's help, the Agency
was able to disrupt over
100 criminal and terrorist plots.
Yeah. I mean, he
was one of the best
CIA covers, like, ever.
He was also one of
the most expensive
CIA covers, like, ever. Yeah.
So much so that the
top brass considered
having him assassinated.
They called it
"Operation Budget Cuts."
Well, by that point, I almost
wish they did kill him off.
I-I hated being that guy.
Okay, but if Jack is
Duke, and Jack is here,
then how exactly has Duke
resurfaced in New Orleans?
Yeah. I don't know, Bozer,
but two days ago,
someone started reactivating
Duke's digital
footprint in NOLA...
Opening new bank accounts,
unfreezing old credit cards,
accessing his DMV records.
How'd this person get all
this info on a CIA cover?
And what are they
planning on doing with it?
Well, that is exactly what
I'm taking Mac and Jack
to New Orleans to find out.
You're coming with us?
That's how serious this is.
All right.
Riley, I need you here,
combing through both the Phoenix
and CIA networks.
Find out if someone hacked
in and stole Duke's info.
Okay. I'll be sure to bring
you back some beignets, Riley.
MATTY: Actually, Bozer,
you're staying here to work
on another assignment.
Then you'll assist
Riley in the war room.
Mm! So...
I guess you can pick
us up some donuts.
MATTY: All right, people,
we've got work to do. Mac, Jack,
wheels up in 20.
Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
(upbeat French music playing)
JACK: Man, it's
weird being back here.
I was really hoping
Duke had said good-bye
to this place for good.
(streetcar bell dings)
You've been checking over
your shoulder ever since
we got here. I'm guessing
Duke had some enemies.
You know that old-school
white pages phone
book I have at my house?
Yeah. The one that I told
you to get rid of because
it's pretty much useless.
Yeah. That's the one.
Well, Duke made enough
enemies to fill two of 'em.
Just showing my face
around here is a risk.
Okay, to be fair, Dalton,
showing your face
anywhere is a
risk. I'm just saying.
Okay, now where are you
taking us? I'm taking you
right to the source.
(door bells tinkle)
I call upon the
spirits of the beyond
and ask
that they give me
the power of sight!
(woman gasps)
(chuckles)
You can drop the act, Willy.
You ain't fooling anybody.
Except for maybe these yahoos.
WOMAN: What?
Show's over. Everyone out.
You have got a lot of nerve
coming in here, Jacoby.
I'm still quicker with a
blade than you are, old man.
(laughing) (laughing)
Hey, you old
salty dog. How are you, Duke?
I'm doing good. Good
to see you. (laughing)
Guys, this is Willy.
He is king of the Big Easy
underground. Nothing goes on
in this town without
him knowing about it,
and more often than not,
he's got a piece of the
action, ain't that right?
Well, a man's got to eat, Duke.
JACK: You're right.
Uh, can I help you?
Sorry. I was just trying to see
how you made the flame so big,
but now I see the
modified butane lighters
and the flash powder
for a kick, yeah?
Underneath the sleeves.
That's what I would've done.
Uh, who the hell is this, Duke?
Well, these two
are my associates, Will.
Are you in town long, man?
Only long enough to find out
who's been running around town
pretending to be me.
You wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?
Well, I would love
to help you out, Duke,
but first, there's the small
matter of the five grand
you owe me from that
business with the Dominicans.
Right.
Here you go.
MATTY: I see now
why you haven't mentioned
this place before, Duke.
Just tell us what
you know, will you?
I'm sorry, Duke.
I-I wish I knew something,
but I haven't seen anybody
pretending to be you.
Copy that. Thanks.
It's good to see you.
Let's go.
However, I did see your wife,
and, man, she's a knockout.
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
She's a real peach, huh?
You haven't seen
her around, have you?
Yes, I'd like to
find her right now.
I imagine Dixie Lee's
at your new place, Duke.
You do remember where
your new place is, right?
Because if, by some odd chance,
you've forgotten
your own address,
I'd be happy to remind
you... (clears throat)
for a small fee, of course.
Of course.
You know, I'm a little...
a little light.
(snaps fingers) Matty,
give me a little
scratch, will you?
Looks like Mrs.
Jacoby is not home.
Really? That's a shame.
I was really looking forward to
meeting the old ball and chain.
Yeah. Me, too.
MacGYVER: Look what I found.
Well, now we know
what she's been doing
with Duke's good credit.
Riley, you're up.
Whoa, this computer's
so brand-new,
there's next to nothing on it.
Well, "next to
nothing" isn't nothing.
It sure isn't.
I just found a hidden folder
of financial, DMV and IRS info,
all belonging to Duke Jacoby.
JACK: That's great, Ri.
But we already knew Dixie
Lee had that stuff on Duke.
Okay, Jack, but what
about the other 16?
What? What?
16?
I just found 16
more hidden folders,
containing info on 16
other CIA cover identities.
I'm sending them
over now, Matty.
(phone chimes)
Some of these are still active.
Well, that means we're looking
at a much bigger breach
than we originally thought.
Whoever Dixie is, we
need to find her now,
before she gets a whole bunch
of undercover CIA
operatives killed.
We have searched
every inch of this place,
and all we've learned
about my better half
is that she has kick-ass taste.
Does she, though? I don't
know. It's not really my thing, but...
MacGYVER: More importantly,
why would an operative who just stole
17 CIA cover I.D.s
risk this big of a footprint?
Maybe that was part of her plan.
She suspected Duke was a CIA
cover, she poses as his spouse,
starts making noise to
see who will show up.
Well, if this is a trap, then
we've already walked into it.
Look, I want to
know who this lady is
and where she is
right now. Riley?
I'm working on it.
But I'm having a little trouble.
There's not a single
active cell phone
registered to either
Mr. or Mrs. Jacoby.
Well, can you track her
credit card purchases?
I could, but she didn't
make any purchases
with Duke's credit cards.
She used them to take
out cash advances at ATMs.
And before you ask
about the ATM cameras,
she blocked them.
Every last one of them.
She sounds like a pro.
How much cash
did the missus take?
Just north of 50 grand.
50 grand isn't exactly
walking around cash.
No, it is not. Dixie's
got a hiding spot
in this house somewhere.
We got to find it.
Jack, I need your cell phone.
Huh? It's brand-new.
You heard me.
Jack. There's three
phones sitting right there.
And she is my
wife, so technically
they're half mine.
Just use one of those.
Okay, number one, those
phones are evidence.
Number two, she's not really
your wife.
And number three, give
Mac your damn phone.
Yeah, yeah, one, two, three,
break Jack's phone, I get it.
Oh, I'm gonna need a... broom.
What, are we gonna
clean the place?
Go get it.
Fine.
MacGYVER: So, ever since 2004,
all U.S. currency
has been printed
using metallic ink.
So, more bills...
You don't got to smile
while you're breaking it.
Sorry.
Means...
more metal. Now,
if we can attach
the Hall effect sensor
from your phone
to this radio speaker...
Thank you.
We should have
our own makeshift...
metal detector.
(metal detector beeps)
(crackling)
(metal detector beeps)
How long is this gonna take?
(metal detector beeps)
MacGYVER: Got something.
Oh...
What? Hello, Mrs...
Hello, Mrs. Jacoby.
Let me see that.
Ay, Chihuahua, yes, please.
You know, Duke's the
one with kick-ass taste.
Riley, sending you a picture now
of the woman who
is not Jack's wife.
Yeah, but has serious potential.
RILEY: Copy that.
Running facial recognition
against all databases.
Got her.
Dixie Lee Jacoby's real
name is Darlene Hagen,
born February 19.
Oh, I spoke too soon.
I'm looking at seven
I.D.s from seven states
with seven different names,
all with the same face.
Who is this woman?
That's a good question.
RILEY: I don't
know about the who,
but I might be able to
help you with the where.
She's not on any law
enforcement databases.
I've been running her face
against all the security cams
and social media
posts in New Orleans.
Ooh.
I got her walking
into a jazz club
on Royal 20 minutes ago.
I'm sending the address now.
All right.
Bounce.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
A-And technically,
that-that's half mine.
Hey, Bozer, you alone?
Looks that way.
Why? What's up?
(keypad beeps)
I scanned the CIA's network
to see if Dixie broke in
to steal those cover identities.
But I didn't find
any sign of a breach.
That's good news, right?
Yeah, until I used that
same scan on our network,
and that's when...
things got less good.
Less good how?
Just like the CIA, I
found zero evidence
on anyone trying to break
into the Phoenix network.
But I did find some hidden,
encrypted traffic heading out.
These are encrypted data
streams from an unauthorized user.
A bunch of small,
daily bursts,
like, maybe text messages.
And then yesterday at 3:28 p.m.,
there was a
sustained transmission.
Like, maybe a phone call.
I think we have another
mole in the Phoenix.
ROBOT: How curious, Bozer.
3:28 p.m.
is precisely the same time
you were on the phone
with... Thank you, narc.
(sighs)
It's me.
You?
I met someone. At spy school.
Her name's Leanna.
She's amazing.
Like, amazing amazing.
But at graduation, we were
ordered never to communicate
with any of the other
students ever again.
So instead of
following this order,
you decide to try and sneak
unauthorized
encrypted transmission
to your girlfriend
through the Phoenix?
Bozer, are you
trying to get caught?
No, of course not, but love
makes you do crazy things,
Riley, I...
Oh, my God.
That's the first time
I've ever admitted
I'm in love with Leanna.
Well, congratulations,
Bozer, but now
I'm gonna have to kill
you for involving me in this.
Please. You can't tell Matty.
I don't want to.
But if she finds out I knew
about this and stayed quiet...
Look, I'm sorry you
got dragged into this,
but I've never met anyone
like her before, Riley.
Isn't that the same line
you used on me
when we first met?
Leanna's different.
She's special.
I-I mean, we don't
work together,
so it's not awkward like
it was for you and me...
Okay, I don't know
what I'm saying.
I'm freaking out here.
Look...
I already made my choice.
So now...
I guess you got to make yours.
(jazz music playing)
Well, cover me.
I'm gonna go introduce
myself to my wife.
Uh, bourbon. Neat. Please.
And would you refill
this lovely young lady's
glass again for me?
Thanks, but I prefer to
pay for my own poison.
Yeah, if that were true,
you wouldn't be here
drinking on my dime.
No, no, no. Wait,
wait, hang on now.
Just relax. Relax.
Don't you want to have a little
drinky-poo with your hubby?
What are we drinking to?
To your last days
as a free woman.
You're even cuter in person.
Mmm. I like the
way you do your hair.
(laughs) Oh, is that your
play? Cheap compliments?
Then you bat those eyelashes,
and you head for
the door, is that it?
Wouldn't be the first time
that little combo
got me out of a jam.
Mm. Besides,
if you really wanted
to turn me in,
you would've brought cops.
So, what do you want, sugar?
Answers.
You can start with your
name and who you work for.
My name you're
gonna have to earn.
And who says I work for anyone?
Come on, you lifted 17 I.D.s.
You expect me to believe
you did all that on your own?
I'm a woman of many talents.
I bet.
Another one for
you, Ms. Jackoby?
It's Jac... It's Jacoby.
(laughs)
Another round for
me and my husband.
And keep the change.
JACK: Ooh.
Wow. Just like that.
Right in front of me. Okay.
Why have money if
you're not gonna spend it?
Mmm, Ms. Jacoby,
you are a cute one,
I'll give you that much.
Thank you.
But I think
you're a plain old con artist
who's in way over her head.
I think we both know
there's nothing old
or plain about me.
Listen, Dixie...
Or whatever your name
is... Playtime is over.
Okay? This is serious business.
You're gonna have
to tell me right now
how you got my identity
and the 16 others.
For your own safety.
You understand?
You know, most marks
only care about
their bank balance...
How much money they've lost,
if they're gonna get it back.
And no one's ever
followed me in person,
let alone this fast.
Just tell me how
you got the I.D.s.
And now that I think about
it, there was something off
about the paper trail on
you and your 16 friends.
Zero fraud claims,
not even a late payment.
It was a little too
clean, a little too perfect.
What can I say? I'm
a responsible guy.
(laughs) Oh, come on, sugar.
We both know that's not true.
I may be just a
plain old con artist,
but you ain't Duke Jacoby
because Duke
Jacoby doesn't exist.
So, why don't you
start by telling me
what your real name is?
Duke, you got some fans
looking for you. Front door.
Ooh!
Ow.
♪ ♪
Go! Friends of yours?
Yeah, Duke didn't
really have friends.
You know what I'm saying?
(streetcar bell dings)
Go get Dixie. I got these guys.
JACK: All right.
Move! Move! (gasping)
Stop! Stop. Okay.
Nice try, honey, but
you're not going anywhere.
Now listen to me for a sec.
(tires screech)
Don't move.
What's up, man?
No!
Get your hands off my damn wife.
MacGYVER: Hey!
Matty...
we got a problem.
Someone just stole a lot
more than Duke's identity.
(snoring)
(groans)
Morning, sunshine.
Morning.
How long was I out?
Hmm, 30 minutes,
give or take. (groans)
(grunts) I already tried that.
Yeah? They cut the
emergency release.
Oh. We're good and stuck.
So, hubby, you want to
tell me who these guys are?
Well, it's hard to say, really.
Could be the 39ers.
Could be the Bayou Mafia.
Could be the two
guys I hunted down
for the Bayou Mafia.
It's dealer's choice, really.
Seriously, who are you?
It... it's complicated.
You know, maybe you
should do a tad more research
before you go pretending to be
somebody's wife next time, okay?
(car stops) Look, I actually
don't care who you are,
or what's going on
here. That's not very nice.
I just don't want to get in
the middle of this, okay?
All right? So if this is
about the identities I stole,
I'm sorry.
I've been conning this
government IT contractor
for weeks, planning
to drain his 401k.
But when I got
access to his computer,
I found his bank accounts,
credit cards, social
security numbers.
I mean, I thought
I hit the jackpot.
I figured y'all
were just 17 people
in some government database,
not 17 people the
government made up.
All right, look, I-I can't
tell you what's
going on, I'm sorry.
But I promise I'm gonna get
you out of this, okay? I promise.
(snoring)
Who is this guy? No clue.
But someone sent him
and eight others to grab Jack
and our fake Mrs. Jacoby.
In all the excitement,
this guy got left behind.
And from what I've
heard about Duke,
I think it's a safe bet
that whoever sent
these guys is not a friend.
Great. Which means we
have yet another problem.
Because it's only a matter of
time before Duke's better half
realizes she's sitting on
one hell of a bargaining chip.
17 freshly stolen CIA identities
could fetch millions
on the black market.
Yes. So first things first:
let's I.D. sleeping
beauty here. Riley?
All right, let's
see who you are.
Well, first, there's too many
hits, now there's too few.
Sorry, guys, all I can tell
you is this guy doesn't have
a criminal record
or a driver's license.
Would you like to
rouse our guest?
My pleasure.
Where you going? I was gonna
go make some smelling salts.
Oh, never mind, Goldilocks.
I'll just do it the
old-fashioned way.
Hey, sleepyhead.
How you feeling?
Where did you take Duke Jacoby?
BOZER: Hey, Matty.
Sorry to interrupt,
but at spy school, we learned
an interrogation technique
for situations like this.
You start by going
into his mental space
and then you want
to... MATTY: Bozer.
You do realize that I wrote
that entire curriculum, right?
(man groans, speaks Albanian)
That's Albanian, and so is he.
Riley, pull up everything
about the Albanian
mob in Duke's file. Okay.
Oh, and Bozer, here's a tip:
whenever you're in pain,
you always revert to
your mother tongue.
You might want
to write that down.
RILEY: Well,
I see a long list of dirtballs
who despise Duke,
but nothing about any Albanians.
So how do we find Jack?
(clicks tongue)
He may not be able
to tell us where Jack is,
but he might be able to show us.
(exhales)
(chuckles)
Little Raymond?
(exhales)
It's just Raymond now.
Oh, okay.
You know, the
last time I saw you,
your pops had you
dragging Lake Pontchatoony,
Pontchatong... whatever...
You remember that?
When you lost that huge...
drug shipment. This
guy's a moron, man.
No.
What I remember is you losing
the shipment and blaming me.
Yeah, well, who can be sure
about something like
that after this long?
I can.
I remember that entire June
perfectly. You want to know why?
Why? 'Cause that was the
month you double-crossed us.
Pops went down for racketeering.
Got 60 years in the can.
And you... skipped town.
Hey, hey. What's
with the attitude?
"Just Ray."
Looks like you're running
things just fine now.
You know, you should
probably be thanking me
for your promotion.
You're welcome. You're welcome.
I've dreamt of killing you
for a long time, Jacoby.
Can't believe I actually
get to be the one to do it.
Congratulations.
Don't worry. It'll be quick.
For the missus. (gasps)
Not so much for you.
No-no-no, wait, wait,
wait a minute now.
She has nothing to do with this.
She's not even my
real wife. It's true.
You got to believe him.
You think I'm married?
I've never seen him
before today. No.
If I'm being honest,
I don't really care who you are.
(gun cocks) (gasps)
I'll give you half
a million dollars.
What?
Yeah, the-the 500.
Now put the gun on me.
$500,000 I stole
from your old
man before I split.
There you go.
I mean, y-you are family.
Technically, it's yours.
I'll just give it to you.
What $500,000?
What-what are you talking about?
Why do you think I would
come back to this armpit?
I hate New Orleans.
Do you know how many
people want to kill me here? Huh?
(chuckles)
I'd need a good reason.
And I got 530,000 good ones,
you know what I'm saying?
But, baby, we were
gonna use that money
to build a house... Not
right now, Dixie Cup.
With a view of the bayou.
Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie.
We will work this out. Should of
known this was gonna happen.
Mama warned me from
the start you were... Karen,
no good at follow-through.
Are we still role-playing?
Shut up, the both of you.
You really have
$500,000 of my money?
Yup.
Maybe now would
be a good time for you
to let me in on
what you're doing.
I'm coating the
cuffs in a mixture
of selenium powder,
cadmium oxide,
and good old muriatic acid.
When blended together,
they cause a reaction
that emits a light
at a wavelength
that can only be seen
by infrared cameras.
Like, say, the IR camera in
one of our keyhole satellites?
Exactly.
So, now, all we got to do
is slide these cuffs on
our large friend over there,
let him think that he's escaped,
and then he's either gonna run
to the nearest airport or...
Straight back to his boss,
who's holding Jack and Dixie.
Okay. It's a long shot.
But 50/50 odds are a hell
of a lot better than nothing.
Got to make this
look convincing,
so step one is letting him
know we're gonna be moving him
to a more secure location,
which will motivate
him. (man grunts)
Sounds like your friend
just skipped step one.
(grunts)
Well, did you get
the cuffs on him?
Barely.
And don't worry about
me, Matty, I'll be fine.
Good. Riley, you're up.
Get us an eye in the sky.
You know when
that lunatic realizes
you didn't actually
steal his money,
he's gonna kill us
both. Don't worry.
I'm working on
getting my hands free.
The trick's gonna be
to get close enough
to one of these goons
to lift a weapon.
I might be able to help
with that. Yeah, how's that?
Mr. Scowly over there's
been patting his pockets
for two hours.
He wants a
cigarette, but he's out.
If I tell him I have a
pack on me and offer one
in exchange for a light...
He'll close the
distance himself.
Very clever. Thanks.
Smart, beautiful, brave...
You know, you
could've been anything.
How'd you wind up
doing something like this?
You'd rather play
"get to know you" than
"get the hell out of here"?
Still working on
getting my hands free.
Thought we could do both.
(scoffs) (chuckles)
I tried the legit life.
But had to be
honest with myself...
I like life on this
side of the law.
And I love my work.
It does make it hard to
meet Mr. Right, though.
(laughs) Why is that funny?
It's just... it's just familiar.
You know, I think
if we'd have met
under different circumstances
and-and weren't about to die...
I think we might've
had a second date,
maybe even a third.
Oh, you're assuming I'd
have said yes to the first. Hmm.
Okay. I almost
got my hands free.
You-you about ready for
that smoke? (door opens)
So, I called some
associates. And guess what?
Not a single person can confirm
your story about the 500 grand.
But the more people I spoke
to, the more it became clear
you were right about one
thing: there are a lot of folks
in New Orleans who hate you.
And so, I made a few more calls
and found a mutual acquaintance
who said you left him and
his brother for dead years ago.
In a swamp? Oh, yeah, well,
I wanted to kill those two
ding-dongs on the boat.
It was just more convenient
to throw them overboard.
And a lot nicer, if
you think about it.
Well, that's not
how they see it.
Well... Turns out these brothers
dislike you so much, Duke,
they're willing to
pay me a cool million
for the honor of
killing you themselves.
It's been a real pleasure
being your husband.
BOZER: Okay, Mac's infrared
handcuffs are doing the trick.
Our Albanian friend just
turned right on Tulane Avenue.
RILEY: But Mac was right about
the chemical tags wearing off.
Color's fading
fast. I don't think
we're gonna be able to
track him much longer.
MATTY: This guy's our
best hope at finding Jack.
I need you to pinpoint
his position now.
Well, either Riley just
jinxed us and the tag wore off,
or he just ran into a
building on Pierce Street.
(speaking Albanian)
(explosion)
Drop your weapons!
Hands in the air! Get
down on your knees!
(shouting)
No. Get him up, now!
(gasps)
I sincerely hope y'all are friends
with my husband. Where is he?
I don't know. But I know somebody's
paying a million dollars to kill him.
And I might be able to
help you figure out who.
So how about we make a deal?
Okay, according to Dixie,
the Albanians are selling Jack
to a couple of brothers
he left in a swamp.
Let's hope Duke put
something about them in the files.
Bet Jack never thought his
life would hinge on his ability
to fill out paperwork.
(typing)
RILEY: Matty, I think
we got a hit. In 2009,
Duke was transporting
two Brazilian smugglers
through the bayou
at night, when, quote,
"Things went kind of sideways,
"due to nobody's
fault in particular,
"and I wound up tossing 'em both
in the drink." Ooh.
Do these smugglers have a name?
BOZER: Matheus
and Gustavo Barbosa.
They blew into New
Orleans after the hurricane
and put down roots.
It looks like they've expanded
from smuggling to real estate.
They're buying up
properties all over the city...
Vacant lots, abandoned houses,
a couple of car
washes, a cemetery.
A cemetery? If I was
gonna kill someone
and hide the evidence,
that would do the trick.
MATTY: Okay, Mac,
SWAT's in place,
and they're not gonna move
until I give them
the green light.
If our targets suspect
anything suspicious,
they can kill Dalton on-site.
Any signs of the
Albanians or Brazilians?
No. Everyone is resting
peacefully on my end.
But this place is huge,
and we still don't know
if this is where the deal
is going down for sure.
Matty, I got eyes
on the Albanians.
Headed for the south exit.
(siren chirps)
Don't move! Put your
hands on the wheel!
Where I can see 'em!
They're not in the
vehicle! Where is he?
Duke. Where's Duke?
Don't know anyone by that name.
Where did the Barbosas take him?
RILEY: Uh, Mac,
there's a crazy heat plume
that just popped
up on the sat feed.
It's in the southwest
corner of the cemetery.
Crematorium.
(nail gun clacking)
(groaning)
Hey, wait a minute, fellas!
We can work
something out, can't we?!
Come on!
♪ ♪
(switch buzzes)
Oh...
Well, Duke,
I kind of always thought
you'd get me killed one day.
I just didn't think it'd be...
today.
Mac, what are you doing?
SWAT's mobilizing an assault now.
Jack can't wait, Matty.
Incinerator's already burning.
Follow his lead! Go, go, go!
(tires screeching)
Mac, we have no idea
how many hostiles are
in that building. You have
a plan to deal with that?
I'll worry about that
once I shut off the gas.
And how do you plan to do that?
After Katrina, all gas lines in
New Orleans were retrofitted
with emergency shutoff valves
in case of another disaster.
And?
(engine revving)
I'm about to be that disaster.
(mouths)
(engine revving)
(panting)
Come on, Mac. I
need you now, buddy.
I need you now
more than ever. Mac.
Mac! Hey! Help!
(engine revving)
(horn honking)
MAN: Go, go, go!
(honking continues)
Shoot him.
(gunshots)
Drop it!
Drop it! Don't you move!
Get down on your knees now!
Jack, I'm here! Hang on!
Mac, get me out of here!
I'm coming!
(grunting)
(coughing)
(grunting)
You okay? I don't know, man.
I was just on fire. You tell me.
You look good to
me. Good? (coughs)
Let's scratch that
one off the bucket list.
What?
Being burned alive,
you know, I was...
I was kind of curious.
(panting)
You're insane, man.
So are you.
(groans, shouts)
That was a mistake!
Mac? (shouts)
JACK: Well, thanks for
getting me out of there, buddy.
It was getting a little warm.
(groans) Easy with
the tootsies there, bud.
So, what kind of gadget did
you come up with to bust me out?
Drove that Cadillac
through the building,
and then I pulled you out
with my bare hands.
Sounds like I'm
rubbing off on you.
What, did you run out of
paper clips and bubble gum
or something? (grunts) Yeah.
Something like
that. Thanks, man.
Oh, yeah.
Cute mittens, Blondie.
Thanks.
You like my socks?
No, Jack. I was just kidding.
But, seriously,
you guys are lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately, Duke Jacoby
can't say the same thing,
because he never
made it out of that coffin.
I just got off the
phone with the CIA.
Duke Jacoby is
now officially KIA.
Well, that is fantastic
news. No offense.
No, none taken. RIP.
No one's happier seeing him
in the rearview mirror than me.
But, uh...
what's gonna happen to her?
Dixie Lee Jacoby
will be buried here,
right alongside
her husband, Duke.
But as far as the
unidentified con woman
in handcuffs over there,
we're gonna put her
skills to good use.
I just negotiated a deal to
have her charges dropped
in exchange for
her helping the CIA
to make better cover identities.
NOPD should be getting
the word right... about...
Okay. Copy. Now.
Matty, that is the nicest thing
you've ever done
for me... thank you.
You must have left some brain
cells back in that box, Dalton.
I did it for national
security, not for you.
Speaking of which, the
very first thing I am doing
when we get home is
ordering a full review
of your after action reports.
Every last one.
Yeah, well, as
horrible as that sounds,
it's better than being
barbecued alive.
I look forward to
what I'm sure will be
an unending ass whooping.
They told me you guys are
responsible for my release.
Thank you.
Thank her.
Thank you. Seriously.
And for what it's worth...
I am so sorry for
everything I put you through.
That is so sweet.
You're so sweet.
Apology accepted.
MacGYVER: Hey, Matty,
I think SWAT has
some more questions
about the seismic
shutoff valves.
Yeah, all over it.
It's Dawn.
Yeah. Yeah, I
kind of figured that
when I saw the
sun coming up... No.
The first question
that you asked me...
That's the answer.
My real name... it's Dawn.
Oh, Dawn.
Pretty name for a
pretty girl. Hi, I'm Jack.
Hi, Jack. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. Oh,
Dawn, walk with me, Dawn.
Okay. Ooh, ah.
What's your, uh, what's
your last name, Dawn?
Oh. Slow down, cowboy.
You're gonna have
to buy me dinner first.
(both chuckle)
Okay, I can do that. Can
I borrow some money?
(laughs) Anything you want.
RIP, Duke.
We hardly knew ye.
Mac, Jack and Matty
are wheels up in 10.
Only a few more hours before
Matty walks back
through that door.
And... have you thought about
what you're gonna say...
or not say?
Look, Bozer, what you
did was stupid and selfish,
and... and shortsighted.
But, after I decrypted
your messages to Leanna...
I may have read a few.
You did?
It was kind of hard not to...
"Snuggle-bear."
(laughs)
And the parts that didn't
make me want to throw up
were actually really sweet.
So you're not gonna turn me in?
I don't have to turn you in,
because you're never
gonna get caught.
Let me see your phone.
I built you guys a way
more encrypted app.
Completely undetectable
on the Phoenix network.
Which means this
conversation right here...
never happened.
Riley. Riley!
Thank you, Riley.
(both laughing, moaning)
Oh...
Jack Dalton,
I like your style.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, do you like Bruce Willis?
I love Bruce
Willis. He is so hot.
Really? Yeah.
You want to have a Die Hard
marathon in the bedroom?
Oh, yeah.
"Welcome to the party, pal."
(truck beeping outside)
No.
She robbed me?
(groans)
Not again. No, please.
She better not have
taken my dad's dog tags.
(exhales)
(drops remote)
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