Lucifer (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 7 - My Best Fiend's Wedding - full transcript

[sighs]

[sirens wailing in distance]

[sighs]

Yeah, okay. It's cool.

Cool?

This is the most beautiful view
in all of Los Angeles.

One that only angels
and very persistent pigeons get to see.

You didn't bring me up here
to show me the view.

What's up?

[exhales]
Can't get anything past you, can I?

[chuckles]



Once upon a time,

I made your Aunt Maze mad. [grunts]

The following morning,

I awoke to find my bed
crawling with southern widows.

Not the good kind. The spider kind.

My whiskey gone, replaced with urine.

I expected more of my favorite aunt.

Oh, she also did
something far more heinous.

She shorted all of my suits. [shudders]

- That's more like it.
- [groans]

- So, did you have it coming?
- Well, you tell me.

I ate the last of her Froot Loops.

[both laugh]

All that's to say,



I can't imagine what she'll do to you
if you miss her wedding.

Eve told me that you RSVP'd "no,"

which is a fact she's been wise
to conceal from her future wife.

Yeah, why would Maze even care?
She doesn't know me yet.

You haven't given her much
of a chance to get to know you.

Or anyone else for that matter.

Now, this wedding's
an opportunity to fix that.

Yeah?

- And how would you even introduce me?
- I'll tell people the truth.

- You can't tell people I've time-traveled.
- Why not?

I tell them I'm the Devil,
it tends to go over...

Well, I guess reviews
are mixed at this point.

But the important people
already know about you.

It's actually worse with people who know.

They keep asking me about their fate,
and I can't tell them anything.

I mean, what if I say something
that messes with the future?

[sighs]

And besides, I don't...
I don't have anything to wear, so...

Oh, well, that is unacceptable.

My tailor would be personally offended

if I didn't allow them
to help you out in this time of need.

They're a total genius.

Saved me after the short-suiting debacle.

Here, I'm going tonight
for a fitting. Join me.

We could coordinate outfits.

Get matching cummerbunds, perhaps.

No? Okay.

We could find something else
that doesn't make you make that face.

No.

I just...

No.

Right.

Well, I'll be there,
if you change your mind.

Not that I expect you usually do,
but a father can dream.

I was wrong, Amenadiel.

So wrong. I mean,
I followed my father into this job

and because I believed in him,
I believed in the system,

but I never imagined this.

All complaints against Reiben?

Not just him.

Dozens of officers,
hundreds of complaints.

Yeah, so much for
the "one bad apple" defense, right?

And the brass signed off
on all of these, and nothing happened.

I should have believed you.

I'm just glad
we're on the same page now, Chloe.

I'm sorry it took so long.

[inhales] But my father taught me

that when you see injustice,
you confront it, so I'm going back.

To the LAPD.

I wanna help you and Sonya
clean this up from the inside.

Wow.

I mean, that's... that's... that's great.

We need all the help that we can get,
but what about Lucifer?

What about being God's consultant?

[inhales]

Uh, the "God" thing is
on hold for right now.

Lucifer doesn't feel comfortable
going to Heaven

until he's patched things up with Rory.

And, you know, I agree.

He's gonna have to
go up eventually, Chloe.

How does he feel about you staying?

[Chloe] Hmm.

You haven't told him. [chuckles softly]

Well, I... He's got
a lot on his plate right now.

I feel like it can wait.

Probably till after the wedding.

I don't wanna add
any drama to Maze's big day.

Drama? It's Maze and big feelings.
What could possibly go wrong?

[scoffs]

[Eve] Thank you.

Okay, "supervise flowers." Check.

"Make sure Linda's
all set to officiate." Check.

"Nix your Black Sabbath
additions from the playlist." Check.

Yeah, I think you're right. Black Sabbath
is a little too mellow for the wedding.

[Eve] Mm-hmm.

Okay, next step is confirming
the number of guests with the caterer.

You sure you don't want
to invite your siblings?

Yeah, no. You know, it's supposed to be
"eat, drink and be merry."

Not "eat, drink and be wary

that a bunch of soulless, torture-savvy
demons are gonna ruin your wedding."

[chuckles]
Why do you assume that they would do that?

Well, you've met them.

Yes, I have.

A few of them. They were awesome.

Mmm. Yeah, in a fight.

But that's all they're good for.

How do you know?

Because that's what they were made for.

Hmm. [clicks tongue]

That's also true about you.

And you, you've evolved.

Maybe they can too,
if you just gave them a chance.

We're not really the "happily
ever after type," honey. Trust me.

They're your family.

No.

You're my family.

The only family I need.

Okay?

Which is why I am not going
to let anything or anyone

ruin our wedding tomorrow.

[Eve] Adam.

♪ Look at me now ♪

♪ Coming in love ♪

♪ Top of the world ♪

♪ Not coming down ♪

♪ Look at me now... ♪

It's time to come home, babe.

♪ Cured from my doubts ♪

♪ Look at me, look at me now ♪

["I Just Died in Your Arms"
by Cutting Crew playing]

♪ Oh, I
I just died in your arms tonight ♪

♪ It must have been something you said ♪

♪ I just died in your arms tonight ♪

So this is the first man.

Guess God had to start somewhere.

Can we talk privately?

Sure.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I'm sorry, Eve.

I know I haven't been giving you
the attention that you deserve.

And that's over now, babe.

I mean, gone are the nights
of me ripping whippets,

staying up listening
to Aerosmith bootlegs.

I'm yours.

Did you just notice that I was gone?

No.

No. I was giving you space, you know?

Being the good,
understanding husband that I am.

I figured you'd have a little fun,

and maybe pick up
a few tricks for the bedroom,

bring them home, huh?

Then I heard about this "wedding."

I know a cry for help
when I see one, so here I am.

Rescue party of one. [clicks tongue]

- So can we go home now?
- Okay, Adam, this is my home now.

I have my own friends, my own place.

My own kick-ass job

where I make my own kick-ass money.

I'm a black belt now. [chuckles]

Yeah, that's fun, right?

Neighborhood martial arts academy.

Did they give you
all the belts in the rainbow?

Funny.

That doesn't mean you know
how to throw a punch. [pops]

But I get it. Message is received.

- Come on.
- What message is that exactly?

Obviously you need a change, okay?

So, fine. You wanna swing, we'll swing.

You want a little S&M? I'm down.

Threesome? I'm up for it.

So long as I'm outnumbered, okay?
But all you had to do was ask.

- You didn't have to take it this far.
- Okay.

What exactly is it you think this is?

You think this is me
just trying to get your attention?

Yeah.

This is not about you, Adam.

This is about me, and the fact
that I fell in love with someone else.

You're in love with a demon, Eve?

[Eve] Mm-hmm.

Come on. Be serious.

You don't know her.

[Adam] I know her kind.

- I was married to her mother.
- [Eve] Hmm.

Which, by the way...

you are a spitting image of Lilith.

In more ways than one, apparently.

I bet she uses all the same tricks
her mom used on me, hmm?

I'm not gonna let you
make that same mistake,

because I've been there and done that.

- Literally.
- [chuckles]

You wish, you first pancake of a human.

I... I... I don't wish.

'Cause your mom was hotter.

- Okay.
- Oh, burn.

You and me, we belong together, babe, huh?

Husband and wife since the dawn of time.

We were never husband and wife.

I was made from you.
I was delivered to you.

Hey, don't get caught up
in the fine print here.

It's not a detail, okay?

I didn't choose you.

I'm gonna choose Maze.

Oh.

♪ You have been warned ♪

♪ Welcome to my queendom... ♪

Okay.

♪ Welcome to my queendom ♪

♪ Welcome to my queendom ♪

[fly buzzing]

Maybe not yet. They might be too hot.

[Rory chuckles]

- Mm. Mmm!
- Good?

This brings me back...

to the future.

- You know what I mean.
- Yeah.

It takes me back too.
I mean, actually back.

My dad would bring me home
those sandwiches after his shift.

- [fly buzzes]
- It's a Decker family tradition.

Hmm? Hmm.

So, in the future,

do I bring you home
egg sandwiches after work?

- What? I'm just curious.
- But you know I can't tell you.

Yeah, I know.

It's just that you mentioned

I had a lot on my plate
when you were growing up.

And I just wonder... [sighs]

Was it my job?

Was it Lucifer? Something else?

I mean, I'm not asking for specifics.

Just, um, like, a teeny-tiny hint.

You know, since I did the teeny-tiny
thing of birthing you.

Okay, I'll tell you this one thing.

Okay.

In the future...

that guilt trip also never works on me.

[both laugh]

Right.

You make choices, Mom.

If I told you what they are, you wouldn't
really be making them any more.

- Yeah, you're right. You're right.
- [fly buzzing]

- When did you become...
- [wings flap]

[Chloe gasps]

Sorry.

The fly was driving me nuts.

Um, I didn't know

wings could do that.

Pretty cool, huh?

[Chloe] Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So, um, have your wings
always been that way?

- [Rory] Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.

[Dan] Wow.

This is weird.

Though I guess of all the people
who could've taken my desk,

I'm pretty happy it's you, pal.

Now you're drinking out of my mug?

I guess someone's gotta use it, right?
I mean, what are they gonna do, bury it?

Put its ashes in an urn? [chuckles]

I mean, it does say
"40 Whole Years of Being Dan."

- But I guess you didn't read it.
- Ella, you got a second?

- [Ella] Oh, yeah.
- [Carol] Hi, uh...

- [Dan] Oh, look at that cuteness.
- Quick update.

- You're welcome!
- [Carol] I have my suit now.

So, I am all ready
to be your date for the wedding,

and I am very excited.

And this is where you say,
"I'm so excited too, Carol."

- [chuckles] Of course I am excited!
- [Carol] Mm-hmm. Are you sure?

Because every time
we talk about this wedding,

you look like you ate a bad oyster.

Ella, listen. Hey, I get it.

If you're having second thoughts

about even taking me
to this wedding, that's fine.

[exhales] Carol Corbett,

I am 100% not having second thoughts

about you being my wedding date.

- Okay?
- Cool.

I hate keeping this from him, Dan.

Holy crap. Can you...

- Can you s...
- [frog croaking]

Right.

Other Dan. [sighs]

Gosh, I just wish
I had someone to talk to.

- I mean, other than a frog.
- [croaks]

Oh, no offense.

Hey.

Ella, you can talk to me.

- What's wrong?
- [sighs]

Carol just wouldn't understand.

What? What wouldn't he understand?
Are you not into him anymore?

Is it the loud chewing?

Damn it,
I should have warned you. I knew it.

But they can never find out that I know.

Who's "they"?

Oh, is this family-related?
Is it one of your brothers?

It's just, if they... [sighs]

But how could I even...

I mean...

world-altering!

But then again... [chuckles]

Oh, I just... I feel so useless.

Tell me about it.

[sighs] Who am I kidding?

Even if you could hear me
and told me what was wrong,

how could I actually help you?

I mean, honestly,
Other Dan has a better shot than I do.

It's normal that seeing your ex,
suddenly, after a long period of time

would bring up unwanted feelings.

[Adam] Unwanted?

My feelings are legit, okay?

I gave that woman everything she wanted.

And what did she give me?

A rep as the world's number one cuckold.

She cheated on me
the second she met somebody new.

But I took her back. Why?

Because we were made for each other.

- Aww, that's sweet.
- She doesn't think so.

So she's marrying somebody else.

- Your ex is engaged?
- Yeah, to a woman, of all things.

I mean, how's that gonna make me look?
Do you think she even considered that?

[inhales]

Well, it sounds like she's moved on.

And maybe you should too.

And know that takes time.

A common rule of thumb suggests a month

for every year you were together.

All right, so...

Carry the one...

[mutters]

How... how many years is a million months?

Yeah, don't worry about it, okay?
It's too long.

- Eve's getting married tomorrow.
- Wait, Eve?

As in "Eve" Eve?

Your ex is Eve?

- Yeah.
- Do you mean that you're...

Yeah, I'm that Adam.

I'm the guy.

The guy who named
all the animals. No biggie.

Yeah, well...

Kind of. You know platypus?

Eh... Uh, sure.

The second I saw that thing,
I was like, "platypus."

That wasn't even a word.
This is important stuff.

That's why I can't let the wedding happen.

Oh, no, I beg to differ. I'm not just
saying that because I'm their officiant,

which I am, by the way.

- Small world.
- Yeah.

I mean, what are the odds, right?

Right.

[sighs]

Oh, I'm in trouble, aren't I?

Look, I enjoy breaking into
people's places as much as the next girl,

but I really think
you're overreacting, honey.

[Eve] Look, she is not home.

Her phone is going straight
to voicemail. [clears throat]

She is not replying to any of my texts
about the marriage certificate.

Even the ones I sent
with that adorable Memoji.

I'm telling you, something is wrong.

That Memoji slays!

[sighs] Yeah, well, maybe she's
just using the sex toys we gave her

as a thank you
for agreeing to be our officiant.

[chuckles] We gave her a fruit basket.

Exactly.

So why don't we just leave
the marriage certificate on her desk?

And we can come back tomorrow.

Oh, my God, what am I sitting in that...

What is that smell?

[sniffs] Oh!

That is Adam's aftershave.

[huffs] I knew it.

I've been smelling this shit
for centuries.

What? Adam was here?

- Why?
- [laughs] Why?

Because he kidnapped our officiant
to stop the wedding from happening!

- Now come on, he wouldn't go that far.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he would!

He's not used to hearing "no."
Especially from a woman.

Let alone two.

- Oh, my God.
- [exhales]

I can't believe you were married
to that bro-hole for so long.

What do you mean?
It wasn't like I had a lot of options.

We were, like, the only two humans
on Earth for a while.

And then we just got busy
with the kids, you know?

Cain's terrible twos
were nothing to sneeze at.

Yeah, well, his 20,000s
weren't all that hot either.

It just took me some time
to see Adam for what he really was.

Then when I did,

I left his ass in the dust,
and I found you, right?

- And now he's kidnapped Linda.
- [sighs]

You can't let him get to you.

Hey, all that stuff
he said about Lilith, that's...

[sighs] You're nothing like her.

[huffs] Yeah, not now.

But I will be.

I mean, everyone becomes
their mother eventually, right?

And... and how would you know, anyway?
You've never met Lilith.

Well, I feel like I did.

He talked about her all the time.

- [Mazikeen] He did?
- Mm-hmm.

"Lilith this, Lilith that."
[imitates monkey]

Hey, babe, babe,
I think I know how we get Linda back.

- But we've gotta find him first.
- Oh, trust me, we will.

Mr. "I Named All the Animals"
is not gonna know what hit him.

Yeah, he's got a cell phone, right?

- So we call my guy, he can triangulate...
- Or straight out of the Maze handbook.

The most efficient bounty hunter
doesn't find her perp.

She makes the perp find her.

That's right.

All we have to do is just
bait him with what he most wants.

- Yeah, come on.
- [chuckles]

- Amenadiel, hey.
- Hey!

When you said you were coming back,
I didn't think you meant today.

I'm not here for work.

I actually... I wanted to,
um, ask you something, um...

about... Oh, step over here.

I wanted to ask you about angels.

Um, their wings, specifically.

What about 'em?

I know how Lucifer's wings change

according to how
he's feeling about himself.

- So is that a thing with all angels?
- Well, it must be.

I mean, there's no reason
to believe that self-actualization

is the case for some but not for all.

I actually went through
a little bit of a wing-thing myself, so...

Why do you ask?

Um, well, I just saw Rory's wings.

Th... They're weapons, Amenadiel.

All angel wings can be.
It just depends how they're wielded.

Yeah, but they were metallic, almost,

and each feather was
like its own precision blade.

Wow.

They sound awesome.

I wonder if Charlie's would be that cool.
I mean, if he gets them.

- It doesn't matter either way, of course.
- Of course.

It's just, being a cop
isn't the safest job, you know?

I just... I wonder if Rory felt
like she needed to protect herself

because I... I couldn't.

[sighs] Yeah, um...

Listen, um...

if what Sonya went through
is any indication,

then changing the system won't be easy.

We won't just be
fighting criminals out there.

We'll be fighting some
of our co-workers in here.

I mean, it's one thing
to make myself a target, but...

is it fair
to put my daughters through that?

Look, I, uh...

[exhales]

I can't tell you what to do, Chloe.

But I can say that you're lucky
that you have a choice at all.

So many people don't have the option
to just walk away from this fight.

You're right.

[sighs] You're right.

If the place that I worked
almost my entire life

is part of the problem,
then the least I can do

is be part of the solution.

Make the world a bit better for my kids.

Rory will have a wonderful childhood.

Because she has a wonderful mother.

[Adam] You know,
I'm glad you came to your senses.

[sighs] A doggy
always comes back to its bone.

So glad you're here.

Huh, 'cause we can be together again?

'Cause you are going
to tell me where Linda is.

[chuckles] Sorry, babe. No can do.

[slurps]

We'll see about that, babe.

What? [exhales]

Is your little pet demon lying in wait,
ready to take me down?

No.

Just little old me.

[grunting]

[panting]

And my rainbow-colored belts. [exhales]

[Adam groans]

[Mazikeen cackling]

Adam.

- [Adam] Lilith?
- Hmm. [sighs]

Oh, Adam.

You never forget your first.

Am I right?

You...

aren't Lilith.

[Mazikeen] Oh.

Close enough though.

Her spitting image in more ways than one.

Hmm?

Isn't this what you wanted all along?

No.

I got rid of Lilith.

[chuckles] Oh, you.

We both know how that really went down.

You had Daddy send me away because I...

rejected you.

I couldn't love you the way you loved me.

It's not what I do.

So God sent you a consolation prize.

Sweet, pliable Eve.

A plaything for you to have dominion over,
like the animals.

Look at her.

Go on.

Say it.

She could never fill my shoes.

She's not even a whole person.

- Just a piece of you.
- Okay, that's enough.

What are you doing?

I'm torturing him so we can find Linda.

Yeah, but who are you really
torturing here though? Him or me?

- You're just the button I'm pushing.
- Okay, well, stop pushing.

- Use something else.
- That's not how torture works, Eve.

- Really?
- [Mazikeen] This is what I do.

- Who I am.
- [Eve huffs]

You want demons at your wedding?
Well, this is what it looks like.

What? Too much for you?

Oh, right. Well...

Guess that's a good thing
Adam showed up when he did, huh?

Now you've seen the real me.

You can leave my ass in the dust
before it's too late.

Leave your a... Why would I...

- Adam.
- [Adam] Yes.

How did you find out about the wedding?

Uh, I heard it from Saraqael,

who heard it from Gabriel,

who could have heard it from anybody

because it's actually the talk
of the town up in the Silver City.

And as you can imagine,
it's not really doing wonders for my rep,

but that's, you know,
neither here nor there...

Maze.

[Mazikeen] What?

How did he find out?

Fine. Yeah, it was me.

I sent the news hoping
your idiot ex would do something about it.

I'm the idiot? Really?

Everyone knows it's "Adam and Eve,"
not "Eve and some rando demon."

Why would you want him to find out?

- [Mazikeen] Because I... I...
- Because what?

Because I can't be a mother!

That's what this is all about?

The fact that I said that
you would be a good mom, once?

Once was all it took for me to realize
you have no idea who you're marrying.

I can't be a good mother, Eve.

I'd just end up like her.

And what, we couldn't just talk about this
like... like a normal couple?

I'm not normal!

[Eve sighs]

I don't do "talking."

- I needed you to see the real me.
- [Eve] What? What is the real you?

What? An evil demon
that just ruins everything,

and this will never work out? I can't...

- I can't... I can't do this anymore.
- You can't do this?

Yeah, I can't be the only one
that believes in you.

I can't be the only one
that believes in us. I, uh...

Of course we don't have to have kids,

but if I'm the only one
who's willing to talk about it and...

and change and... and compromise, then...

[panting]

...then we shouldn't be together.

We definitely
should not be getting married.

Wait!

[Eve] What?

[Mazikeen] Well, uh,
we still have to find Linda.

I'm sure you'll manage.

Oh, boy. [sighs]

[sighing]

Maze, I got your text.

What's the emergency?
I have a suit that needs fitting.

[shuddering] No, you don't.

I need you to stop me from killing him!

Adam.

But I thought you were dead and buried.

Dust you are
and blah, blah, blah. [chuckles]

So what's he doing here?

And why are you...?

Where's Eve?

Oh, Maze.

When it comes to self-sabotage,
I fear you've outdone me.

Does this mean
my best fiend's wedding is off?

He kidnapped our officiant.

- [Lucifer] Where's Dr. Linda?
- [Mazikeen] He isn't talking.

[Lucifer splutters]

The wedding's off.
He got what he wanted, didn't he?

- What are you really after?
- What, you think I'm gonna tell you, huh?

Make it easy for the Devil,
who stole my wife twice?

Actually, fig leaf,
that's exactly what you're going to do.

Tell me,

what is it you truly desire, Adam?

I...

[sighs]

I wanna be a better man.

Oh.

[Adam hesitates] No.

At first, I kidnapped the doctor
to sabotage the wedding, yeah.

But then she helped me realize
what I really need.

- To deal with my issues.
- What issues?

Well, when God first made me,
my role was clear.

Name all the animals,
avoid certain fruit and be a man.

That meant, "be strong, show no weakness
and problem-solve through violence."

But everything has changed since.

Women are no longer
an obedient piece of men.

And dudes...

Dudes can be vulnerable.

Which is...

Which is scary.

[Lucifer] Hmm.

And wolves, they've turned
into, like, 800 kinds of pets.

Some with really dumb names, by the way.

"Poodle"?

I mean, that's why you don't let
amateurs do the jobs of professionals.

Anyway, she said that
my beliefs about what a man should be

are actually hurting me.

Apparently it's called toxic masculinity,
and it's, um...

it's pretty common.

The good news is she can cure me.

She's cool.

So, when I'm done with the treatment,
I'll let her go.

So you're asserting dominance over a woman

in order to learn how
to stop asserting dominance over women?

- Dude, you are beyond help.
- Whoa, at least I'm trying.

You call this trying?

If you need therapy, you call the office,
make an appointment and pay in cash.

Or in kind, if she's up for it.

I mean, have some decency, man.

Word, man.

[sighs] You're making me realize
I've not been going about this

in the most ideal way. [chuckles]

Classic Adam. Yeah, wokeness is hard.

I gotta be better at it.

And I will.

I swear I didn't hurt the doctor.

- I can take you to her.
- [Lucifer] Thank you.

See?

Even the most primitive
of men can evolve. [grunts]

And even the most badass
of demons can soften.

Hmm.

Scary, but it's true, Maze.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I've come such a long way
from wreaking hell, inflicting pain...

[sobs] ...and driving everyone away.

All I know is the Mazikeen I used to know

wouldn't have hesitated to kill the guy.

[Mazikeen clears throat]

After we find Linda,
I'm gonna need your help with something.

["Without You" playing]

♪ I can't live ♪

♪ If living is without you ♪

♪ I can't give ♪

♪ I can't give anymore... ♪

[wings flap]

Dearie me!

Did they run out of apples?

If you're here to speak for her, don't.

I am not here to speak for her.

Come.

Come on.

[sighs]

[Eve huffs]

What kind of person tries
to wreck their own wedding?

[exhales]
The kind that doesn't feel worthy of love.

I thought you weren't here
to speak for her.

I'm really not.

But then I realized,
I never gave you your wedding present.

Come on.

[gasps] There's no wedding,
but I like presents.

♪ If living is without you ♪

♪ I can't give ♪

♪ I can't give anymore... ♪

- Uh, what am I looking at?
- [Lucifer] Demons from Hell.

In freshly dead bodies. [chuckles]

Well, it's both something old
and something new

in something borrowed
with plenty of nasty blue bits.

- So I'd call that a grand slam.
- Wow!

Thank you?

- Yep.
- Very thoughtful.

[Mazikeen] I asked him to do this!

Whether there's a wedding tomorrow or not,

I wanted my family to know
that I'm proud of who I love.

I thought you had thousands of siblings.

I do.

Uh, most of them turned her down.

Fresh batch of white supremacists
to torture or a family wedding.

- Hmm?
- Uh-huh.

- Sorry.
- [Mazikeen] Don't be.

I honestly thought I'd be
standing outside your balcony alone.

Must have been very hard to ask.

Yeah, but...

I realized that I was holding on
to some pretty old ideas

of what I thought
demons were supposed to be.

[chuckles] Turns out some of us
are the "happily ever after" kind.

I mean, Squee's favorite movie is
Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Mainly for the funeral, but still.

[chuckles]

Well, it... It's very nice to meet you all.

Uh...

How do you say, "I wish it was
under happier circumstances" in Lilim?

[speaks Lilim]

Look, Eve, I...

I am so sorry.

I'm just terrified of becoming my mother.

And sometimes it's easier
to act as though I already have,

instead of fighting.

But I've... I have changed so much,

and I can keep on changing.

Can I ever be normal? Probably not.

But I can be better.

And I promise,

if you give us another shot,

I will never stop trying.

Because I do believe in us. [panting]

[sighs] You know, when you try,
you're actually not half bad at talking.

And for the record,

I never wanted you to be normal.

You know, I just...

I just want you to be you.

Whatever that is.

I'll call the caterer.

My best fiend's wedding is back on!

[laughing]

- [whooping]
- [cheering]

- Ah, well done, you.
- I love you.

[mouths]

[Rory] This is what Lucifer does.

Every damn time.

He might still make it.

No, he won't.

I can't believe I fell for it again.

[Ella laughs, chatters]

- Hey.
- Oh! Oh, I'm so... I'm so sorry.

I'm, uh... I'm saving this one.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, uh, no... no problem.

[clears throat]

- [Carol] Hey, how are you?
- Hey.

Whew! Thanks for looking out, man.

So anyway, bill-to-head ratio,

that's the only surefire way
to tell a downy from a hairy woodpecker.

I had no idea you were into birding.

Yeah, I never was, but that's
the only book I could find down there.

There are books in Hell? That's nice.

"Book."

Singular.

- Field Guide to Birds of North America.
- Sounds like an interesting read, though.

[Dan] Yeah, not so much
after the ten-thousandth time.

But, you know, nothing's really
that interesting, not even birding.

We should probably stop talking now.

Yeah, sure.

Uh, I'll just stand in the back,
get out of everybody's way.

[Carol sniffs]

You know, it's very pretty here,
but is it just me,

or does it smell
like a three-day-old crime scene to you?

Uh, well...

[chuckles] Can you believe
they fertilized the plants last night?

- Last night?
- [Amenadiel chuckles]

- It's terrible timing.
- [chuckling] Yeah, I know.

We... we actually can believe it,

because, you know, that right there is,
by far, the most plausible explanation.

So, thanks, Amenadiel,
for clarifying that. [chuckles]

I mean, what did you think?

What, we were at some,
like, hell monster wedding,

attended by decaying zombies? Ha ha!

[scoffs, laughs]

I'm just gonna keep this one.

So when are you two getting married?

[both laugh]

- Trixie, I don't think that...
- Well, we haven't really discussed...

- ...not that we wouldn't.
- ...tying the knot. [laughs]

I... I'm kidding, guys.
I just wanted to see you squirm.

- Oh! Hmm!
- Oh, very good!

[chuckles] You little devil.

Oh, don't worry, she'll show up.

She's not gonna miss her aunt's wedding.

I'm not so sure.
She's got her mom's stubbornness.

- I mean "determination."
- Oh. Hmm.

[Lucifer] Ah. Here she is!

Rory! There's a seat here.

Rory.

- What happened?
- I don't know.

["Here Comes the Bride"
playing on electric guitar]

[laughs] Wow.

Maze, you're getting married.

- I never thought we'd get here.
- Why? 'Cause you got kidnapped?

Uh... yep.

- That's exactly why.
- [chuckles]

[Adam wolf whistles]

Whoa! [chuckles]

Well, that's quite the upgrade
from the old fig leaves, huh?

Not that I ever had
any complaint about those.

- What are you doing here?
- Linda said I should be supportive.

I want the best for you, Eve.

I really do. You deserve to be happy.

Thanks.

And also, I heard that you didn't have
anyone to walk you down the aisle.

It would be my honor
if I could give you away.

Adam, that is...

- It's very big of you.
- Thanks.

I might as well, right? It's like
I'm giving away a piece of myself.

[laughing]

Yeah.

[Eve] Yeah.

Uh, I... I really appreciate that.

I do, but, uh...

I think I'm gonna do this one on my own.

So, thanks, but...

I got this.

["Worship" by LACES playing]

[clears throat]

Wow.

♪ But I will not take the limits ♪

♪ I could live on the edge ♪

♪ The edge with you ♪

♪ And I will drive on the highway ♪

♪ And I will turn off my headlights ♪

♪ I will swallow the moment ♪

♪ And it could just be all right ♪

♪ But where, where
Where would we go? ♪

♪ Maybe in another ♪

♪ Maybe in another life ♪

♪ Maybe in another ♪

♪ Maybe in another life ♪

♪ 'Cause heaven won't have me... ♪

- [both sigh]
- ♪ Devil won't take me ♪

♪ Nothing feels better than you ♪

♪ If angels won't save me ♪

♪ Baby, just break me
'Cause nothing feels better than you... ♪

[Linda] Between Heaven and Hell,

there's an imperfect place.

Our place, here on Earth.

That's where these two women met.

One who sees the best in people,

and one who can torture
the worst out of them.

[laughing]

[Linda] But these two women,

they understood each other,

and together they made,
in this imperfect place,

something that might actually be perfect.

The brides have written
their own vows. Eve.

[Eve sighs]

[sighs] Maze...

I know that at some point

you became convinced
that you were unworthy of love.

I look forward
to spending the rest of my life

proving you wrong.

If recent events are
any indication... [chuckles]

...then I am sure that
there's going to be a lot of bumps

along the way.

But as I stand here today...

[sobbing] ...in front
of our family and our friends,

I promise you
that I will never, ever give up on us.

- Again.
- [chuckling]

Because you, Mazikeen,

you're my soul mate.

[Mazikeen sighs]

[gasps] Eve...

I, um...

I... [gasps]

[shudders]
I just love you so fucking much.

[laughing]

I love you so fucking much.

- [cheering]
- Yeah!

[laughs]

Well, I now pronounce you wife and wife.

[guests shouting]

- We did it.
- We did it!

- [laughing]
- [cheering continues]

[celebratory music playing]

[dance music playing]

♪ You like me, right? ♪

♪ You want me back ♪

♪ I understand you
We got that chemistry ♪

♪ I'm everything that you need... ♪

[laughing]

Don't take it personally.

Because Eve was created for you,

it was important for her
to walk down the aisle

as an individual person.

Just like it was important to Maze,
who's been alone for so long,

to walk with someone.

[chuckles] Oh, wow.

- You actually are a smart woman.
- Yeah.

Drop the "actually."

Yes, ma'am. I mean, "Doctor."

Hey, at least the chair situation
has been alleviated. [chuckles]

- [exhales]
- Look, I know you're having a bad day.

But just... just try
and look at the silver lining.

A bad day? A bad day.

I'm a ghost, Amenadiel.

Ella, you gotta try this vegan cheese.

- [Ella] Mm-hmm.
- [Carol] Tastes like cheese.

- Except not at all.
- Mm-hmm.

- [Carol sighs]
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, cheese. Mm-hmm.

What's in this?

But at least you're not in Hell, Dan.

You're here,
watching your good friend get married.

[chattering]

Well, I will admit,
grousing to you up here

sure beats reading
about grouses down there. [chuckles]

I take it back. This is way too hard.

[Amenadiel]
Not as hard as Hell though, right?

Being able to see my own daughter
and knowing that she can't see me,

that's its own kind of hell, Amenadiel.

Now, why are those
my only choices, anyway?

I don't even know why
I went to Hell in the first place.

And I honestly can't think of anything
I feel guilty about anymore.

And what's worse? What's worse
is I'm friends with celestial beings

who are supposed
to understand how all this stuff works,

and not even they can help me.

Dan, I'm sorry. I... I wish we could,

but the only one who can
get you out of this mess is you.

Now you have got to try and figure out

what you're still feeling guilty about
and then face it head on.

Great. Great.

So basically what you're telling me
is that on top of everything else,

I'm on my own. That's just peachy.

'Fess up, T.
You spiked the punch, didn't you?

- Huh?
- Never mind.

[chuckles] I'm about four years too early.
I'm Rory. Uh, Lucifer and Chloe's friend.

Cool. I'm Trixie. Maze's best friend.

[chuckles]
I thought Lucifer was Maze's best friend.

No way. I love Lucifer, but no way.

You love him, huh?

Why?

'Cause he's funny and weird
and really bad at board games.

Lucifer plays board games?

At least once a week. On game night.

[laughs] You guys have a game night?
You... never told me that.

What do you mean?

I just met you.

Why does it...?

Who are you again?

I'm nobody.

Hey! All right, so the babysitter's
gonna take Trixie home.

- You wanna hit the dance floor?
- I thought you'd never ask.

Oh, and by the way, we need to talk.

Four most terrifying words
in the English language.

No, it's nothing bad.
We just need to figure something out.

But now... Right now, we dance.

[dance music playing]

- Hey, uh, I'll be right back.
- Mm-hmm.

You're not leaving right now, are you?
Maze is only on her third tequila... bottle.

That's what you have to say to me?

I waited. You never showed up.

Waited? Where? Showed up for what?

Oh, you went to the tailor. [laughs]

Oh! You went to the tailor.

[chuckles] Ah, Rory, I'm so sorry.
Maze needed my help.

And you went running,
like you always do for everyone else.

There's always gonna be someone

or something you choose
over me, isn't there?

In my defense,
you did say you weren't going.

What? And you said you'd be there!

- I can't believe I let myself think that...
- [Chloe] Rory. Rory.

- This is not the time or place right now.
- [sighs] Agreed.

Sure. Why don't we talk
about it over game night?

Oh, wait, that's something
you only do with Trixie,

who's not even his real daughter!

- I don't believe this.
- Rory. You guys come over here.

[Lucifer] Game night happened twice.

[dance music playing]

♪ If you feel like playing... ♪

[music distorts]

[laughing]

- [Carol] Ella.
- [shouts]

Oh, God! Oh, God! I'm so...

- It's okay. It's okay. Hey, hey, hey.
- I... [sighs]

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- No, totes. Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry.
- It's okay.

- Hey, hey, I'm gonna go clean this up.
- Oh, my gosh.

Are you sure you're okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, so sorry.
- All right. I'll be right back!

[gasps]

- I don't even like Monopoly anyway.
- Oh, please. Rory, I know you're upset.

But I'm sure your father has
a perfectly reasonable explanation.

I do, thank you.

Maze was about to kill the first man,

whom she used to scare
the first woman away,

so I had to go and nab
some bride-soothing demons,

aka, half the guest list.

Maybe not perfectly normal, but...

But you're always gonna
find a reason to defend him.

Why, Mom? He doesn't deserve it.

You wanted a glimpse
into your future? How's this?

That something big I was going through
when I accidentally time-jumped...

it was you dying.

In the future I come from,
you're on your deathbed,

and he's not there.

I die in 20 years?

Wh... No. Mom, I'm older than I look.

Half angel and all that,
but that's not the point.

The point is he's not there.

Even for something that important,
he's never there.

- That can't... [sighs]
- [electronic feedback whining]

[Ella] Wait, give me the microphone.

- Cut the music! Cut the music!
- [music stops]

- Hold on, I have something to say.
- [Rory sighs]

No, I am not okay!

I have been trying
to keep it together for Maze and Eve,

but I can't take it anymore!

I have to say something
because I know the truth.

I know that Lucifer is the actual Devil!

Not, like, the most Method actor ever.

And Amenadiel is an angel.

Which makes Charlie half angel.

[speaks Spanish]

Oh, Maze!

Maze is a demon!

And Eve is...

well, Eve.

Whoa! I kissed the first woman. [chuckles]

Oh, oh, oh! And... and...
and apparently, zombies are real.

Well, technically they're not zombies,
Miss Lopez.

- Not now, Lucifer.
- They're demons.

Ella, I understand
how hard this is to process.

No, but this is it.

This isn't hard to process at all.

I believe in all this stuff already.

[sobbing] But what I can't believe

is that you all kept it from me.

It just absolutely breaks my heart

that you think so very little of me.

And I get it. I get it.

I get it. I get it.
I'm just regular old Ella.

I mean, how much help can I be
in stopping the end of the world?

- Still, you guys could have at least...
- Whoa. Back up.

What do you mean the end of the world?

I thought you told me
that was all inside your head.

Yeah, I lied.

Because I figured you were
just trying to throw me off the scent.

Uh, brother.

Wait, are you guys telling me
that you don't know the world is ending?

[Mazikeen sighs]

[Ella] Uh-oh.

That can't be good.

Whew! Ha ha! Crisis averted, babe. See?

Got all cleaned up before it set. So...

What did I miss?