Loudermilk (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) - full transcript
♪♪
When my dad died,
I couldn't even think
about what life would
be like without him.
Felix asked me to join them
for some upcoming gigs.
In what capacity?
As part of the band.
What's that?
On the University
of Washington.
Yeah, I got in.
Really?
You and my father,
last year, had...
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Come on! Not here.
Yes, you were
with your father,
and you...
Mmm-hmm.
Clyde.
This is your brother.
That's why I was hoping to
get some help from your dad.
I might have some cash
stashed away for emergencies
or in case of
a home invasion.
Look, I'm sorry
if you don't think
I was the greatest dad
in the world when you were
a kid, but get over it.
'Cause until I get the kinks
worked out in my time machine,
there is nothing
we can do about it.
Is everything okay,
Loudermilk?
My dad died.
♪♪
♪♪
♪ This ain't
♪ Fair, but I fear I traveled
here alone 'cause of you
Hey. Hey.
Shit-for-brains!
♪ I know what
I still don't... ♪
What the fuck is this?
Jesus, dude.
You hear of knocking?
Dude?
Don't you call me dude.
I'm the dude around here.
Yeah, that's what
I just called you. Dude.
Whose is this?
Mine.
Don't lie to me.
If I were gonna lie,
why would that be the lie?
Don't be a smart-ass,
smart-ass.
What the hell
are you thinking?
I'm thinking I need
to hide it better next time.
Come on, Sammy.
Are you that far gone
that you're hitting this shit?
Dad,
it's just a little weed.
Just weed?
I don't know
a lot about drugs,
but I do know this...
Once you start hittin'
the J's, buddy-boy,
nine times outta ten,
it don't end well.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Don't you
"oh-for-fuck's-sake" me.
You're better than this,
Sammy.
Now, I-I know things have
been hard on you lately,
what with your mother and me
trying to work things out,
and, uh...
Your girlfriend?
No, no, no, no. Heidi has
got nothing to do with this.
Well, very little.
Come on, Sammy.
All I'm saying is,
if you ever get down,
I mean really down,
and you need someone
to talk to,
you know they have
people at school
for that kind of stuff,
right?
Yeah, the, uh...
The lunch ladies
are always up
for a rap session.
There you go!
And...
If I ever find
this stuff again, ever,
you're gonna have to find
someplace else to live.
End of story.
All over. Got it?
Yeah, I got it.
Good.
'Cause in
the Loudermilk household,
we don't light up
this fucking hippie shit.
In the Loudermilk household,
we drink.
♪♪
This is it.
We'll paint it and
throw down some new carpet.
I'll need the first and last
month's to get you in here.
Utilities are included.
Neighbors are quiet.
Neighborhood, not so much.
What do ya think?
Mmm.
♪♪
So, have you had any further
thoughts about the service?
Oh, I don't know, Mike.
Just... Just do your
standard stuff, you know.
"All rise."
"Does anybody here object?"
Whatever you do.
I'll work on something.
Did your father
have any favorite verses?
Like songs?
Biblical verses.
Oh.
Um, no.
How about songs, then?
No.
Although he once said
that Alone Again Naturally
was the only rock song
he could stand.
I assume you'll be saying
a few words, yeah?
Oh, no.
Mmm-mmm. Not me.
Why not?
That's your department.
Yes, but he was your father.
No.
Okay.
It's up to you.
Right.
And I said no.
Fine. Think it over.
I did.
Before I said no.
Of course.
These are the times
that try men's souls.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
All right, then I guess
we're all set here.
Okay.
Hey, thanks, Mike.
I really appreciate this.
All set except
for the payment.
We accept everything,
check, cash, credit card,
PayPal, Venmo.
What are you,
Catholic Etsy?
I thought you were doing this
'cause you felt bad for me.
While I am sympathetic
with you, Sam,
I'm afraid
it's not free sympathy.
I'll get you a check.
"And the Lord said,
'Rake it-eth in
whilst thou can.'"
♪♪
How's it going?
Fine, I guess.
Tough, huh?
Well, it's something.
Hmm.
Notice you've been late
to a lot of meetings lately.
What's the deal
with that?
Nothing.
Yeah, for an addict,
you're a terrible liar.
Fine.
You know I've been living here
for a while, right?
Yes, I'm acutely aware.
And Ben's back now.
Mmm-hmm.
So I was thinking it might be
time I get my own place.
Not, like, right away.
Maybe in, like,
a couple weeks.
I don't know.
You think that's a good idea?
What do you mean?
Well,
you're still in recovery.
So are you.
Yeah.
I'm not moving out.
So the only thing
keeping me sober
is that I'm living with you?
I-I'm living with you, too.
It goes both ways.
You're saying
I'm keeping you sober?
No. Fuck, no.
Look, I don't want
to start a fight, okay?
I'm just trying
to raise the point
that if you want to go off
and be by yourself,
that's a tough way
to stay clean.
I have a job.
I am in a band.
I'm going to school.
It's time to move on.
All right. Fine.
You know,
if it goes off the rails,
just don't say
I didn't warn you.
Why do you always have to be
such an asshole?
Look, I just said
I didn't want to
start a fight, okay?
Well, I'll be sad
to see her go.
I'm gonna go measure
for curtains.
♪♪
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
You're always late.
Yeah, well,
I'm not that sorry.
So, you excited
about the show?
Yeah. I mean, I'm totally
nervous, but, yeah.
You?
I'm oddly calm.
Which is
making me super-nervous.
So, um, Thurston Moore
and Kim Gordon had a ritual.
Yeah?
After every Sonic show,
they'd get together
and talk about what
worked, what didn't.
That's how they
got so tight so fast.
Makes sense. So are
you gonna regroup with
Sig after the show?
Actually, I thought you and me
should do the post-show.
Me? But Sig's
the lead guitarist.
You guys write
all your songs together.
Yeah, that's why I need
an outside opinion.
You just made it weird.
It's not weird.
It just got super-weird.
Seriously. No.
But I thought
you cared about the band.
I do, but you're treating me
like I'm some dumb blonde,
and honestly, I've got
enough shit going on
without you hitting on me.
No offense, but you're
the last thing
I need right now.
I don't believe that.
Come on.
Isn't it obvious that it's
not in the cards for us?
Well, I-I think
our souls are in sync.
That's really sweet,
but it's probably better as
a lyric than as a sentiment.
Well, the best lyrics
are the true ones.
There you go again.
♪♪
All right, let's address
the elephant in the room.
Yes, my dad died.
No, I don't want
to talk about it.
I don't want to share.
I don't want a hug.
Cloud.
Classic technique...
Avoidance.
Oh, my God. Are you
reading that workbook again?
Actually, I've got it
all memorized.
In fact, I think
I could probably teach
one of those courses now.
You can teach me
any time you want.
Lesson one,
you're disgusting.
Can... May I?
If you guys are done talking
about your daddy issues,
um, I've got something
I'd like to share with
the group.
Yes, thank you.
Go ahead.
Uh, so, because she's seen
how hard I've been working
at staying clean,
my ex has agreed
to, uh, let my kids stay
with me next weekend.
All right.
Nice.
Hold on.
All nine kids?
I've got 10.
I thought
you said you had nine kids.
I miscounted.
You did what?
Okay, I miscounted my kids.
Does that make me a bad dad?
Yes.
So, anyway,
my middle son,
Cal... Callum,
it's his eighth birthday,
but all the kids
are gonna want presents,
and I'm broke.
Why would they all
expect presents?
Court rulings
and stuff like that.
I haven't been able to get
my kids presents for years,
and it's...
It's payback time.
Wait a second.
Court rulings?
Why would any court
give a shit
about whether you buy
your kids presents?
Fuck you,
you little fuck.
I got lots of bills,
and I got no cash.
Fuck you.
Just for that, you don't
get to sign my new cast.
I say to hell with 'em all,
to spoiled millennials.
I never got a birthday
present in my life,
and I turned out
just fine.
Christ.
Okay, well, maybe I can get
something at Goodwill.
Maybe they won't
even want gifts.
Maybe they just want to spend
some time with their dad.
That's very sweet
and everything,
but they gonna
want some shit,
for real.
Hell, yeah, they're
gonna want some gifts.
Good ones.
Yeah. You better come
with a shitload of stuff, man.
Those kids haven't been
around you for a long time.
They will turn on you.
Rug rats become thug rats
right quick, son.
You know what?
I might be able
to help you out.
My cousin Lino works in the
shipping department at Hasbro.
I'll have him send out
a couple of boxes of stuff.
No shit?
He can do that?
Easy.
Consider it done.
♪♪
You sure you don't
wanna come along,
you know, just to show
some support?
I can't do funerals, Ben.
They're too depressing,
y'know?
Oh, really?
Funerals are depressing?
I had no idea.
Come on, it's not supposed
to be Burning Man.
I know, but it's
a frickin' death ceremony.
Okay, well...
Oh, there he is.
Uh, Claire's not coming
to the funeral.
I didn't expect her
to go to the funeral.
You didn't?
No.
Well, I would go
with you guys.
It's just...
It's the same church
where my dad had his service.
And I've...
Don't worry about it.
Seriously.
Okay, uh, well,
we should probably
get going.
Yeah, let's go.
♪♪
Thank you very much.
Hi.
I am very sorry
for your loss.
Thank you.
He was a wonderful,
wonderful man.
Yes, he was.
Very nice,
Very genuine, very...
Very?
Sensual.
Okay.
I mean, you should know
what an enthusiastic lover
your father was.
Actually, I don't think
I should know that.
I mean, most men his age
don't do what he did.
Like what?
Uh, well,
I don't think a funeral
is the right place to...
Oh, no, no, no.
I think it's fine.
Memories of the deceased
and all.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Come here.
No, no, I'm just trying
to help the lady grieve.
Well, help her grieve
away from me, okay?
Oh, your dad
was very open
with the human body.
Uh, the line is starting
to back up now,
so maybe we'll just...
It was as though he spoke
some sort of secret language.
Vaginese?
You're a card.
What's your name?Edward.
Hi.
Thanks for coming.
I'm so sorry.
Oh.
Um...
Thank you.
About your dad.
It's just...
It's too bad that Clyde
won't ever get
to know his real father.
Hmm.
I-I guess eventually
Clyde will start
to think
that you're his dad.
No, he'll know
that I'm his brother.
Yeah, but after a while,
he might start
to think
that you're his father.
I'll be very clear
that I'm his brother.
Yeah, but little kids,
they get confused.
I'm on it.
We're here today to celebrate
the life
of John David Loudermilk...
Jack to his friends.
I didn't know Jack well.
In fact, I only
met him once.
But he was
not a fan of rock music.
I've heard that, in fact,
there was only one song
that he could stand.
In the words
of Gilbert O'Sullivan,
"In a little while fr..."
Okay, okay, no.
Uh, just...
Let... Let me do it.
Uh...
Let me do it.
Okay, um, it's not like
I stayed up all night
putting something together.
Why not?
Um...
Yep.
...Jack's son, Samuel,
would like to say a few words.
Okay.
Thank you all for coming out.
It means a lot more to me
than I thought it would.
I'm just gonna say it.
My dad was an asshole.
He... He was selfish,
he was thoughtless,
he was irresponsible.
He talked too much,
and he listened too little,
if he listened at all.
But anybody who ever knew him
when he was young
would always talk about
what an upstanding
and responsible kid he was.
He was an altar boy
and a paperboy.
He was an Eagle Scout.
He was a straight-A student.
I was none
of those things,
which disappointed
him greatly.
I never sniffed
the honor roll,
and I couldn't hack Webelos.
I-I-I pretty much screwed up
every good thing
that got sent my way
till I was well into my 40s.
But in the big picture,
I think, um...
Jack and I,
we're really the same asshole,
just in an inverse
kind of way.
Um...
You know, I had the luxury
of screwing up early on,
so I-I...
I saw the pain
that I was causing people,
and I still had time
to try to do better.
Whereas, my dad, he...
You know,
he never disappointed
anybody as a kid,
so he never
learned any lessons.
So, as an adult,
Jack went the other way.
And I got to tell you,
it's... It's, uh...
It's easier to be
a bad boy than a good boy.
It's a lot more fun, too.
The last time I saw him,
he seemed like
he was changing.
Like he was trying
to get back to the...
The good boy, you know.
And I see faces
of people who...
Who have my back the same way
that I have their back.
We... We... We may not like
each other all the time.
We may not stand each other.
But we do love each other.
He's talking about me.
You told me
your father died.
Did I?
And it's important to remember
that that's the reason,
I think, that we're here.
To... To love and...
And support
the people in our lives.
No matter what.
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, Cloud, come on.
Okay.
All right.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's gonna be okay.
Thanks.
Sam.
I believe this is yours.
Okay.
Uh, what am I supposed
to do with this?
People will usually
scatter the ashes
in a place that was
significant to the deceased.
You know
any good strip clubs nearby?
Those things
you said today, Sam,
they were very thoughtful,
if a little crude.
Thanks.
Do you mind
locking up the meeting room?
I've got to finish up here.
No, I don't mind.
Maloney's on 5th Street.
Maloney's on 5th Street.
Okay.
This stuff
is straight from Hasbro's
main facility back east.
Your kids
are gonna love it.
I cannot thank you
enough, Tony.
No problem.
It's like Loudermilk says...
We're watching out
for each other.Yep.
Oh, my God,
this is great!
Here you go.
No way! Oh!
My kids
are gonna love this, man.
Are you serious?
Look at this.
Oh, man!
What... What the...
Where...
Where's the shit?
What shit?
The... The toys.
There's nothing in here
but bubble wrap.
Those are the toys.
The bubble wrap
is the toys?
Kids love bubble wrap.
They can pop that shit
for hours.
Are you fucking serious?
Your cousin works
at Hasbro, and this
is the best he can do?
He just works
in the shipping department.
And he can't put
one actual toy in there?
What, and steal
from his employer?
What do you think,
my cousin's a thief?
Motherfucker, man.
This ain't gonna do
anything for me!
Give me that!
This is for my kids.
Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪
You never asked me
how it ended.
Memphis.
Correct.
See, the thing was, uh,
Memphis and I,
we were great
as long as we were drinking
or doing drugs or just...
Yeah, and then you couldn't
eventually keep up with her,
and that's what I figured.
Oh, no, no, no.
That was not the case at all.
I-I could've kept up with her
until it killed me.
Man, I would have done
anything to keep her.
And, uh, I did.
So, what happened?
So...
So, uh, one day,
I wake up,
and she's crying,
and I'm like, "What's wrong?"
And she wouldn't tell me
what's wrong all day,
and, um, we didn't drink
that day.
And the... The next day,
we stayed clean.
And then the third day,
it's like,
you know, we were sober,
and it was like...
We were like real people,
you know.
It felt like
a real relationship.
And I thought to myself,
"Maybe this is it. May...
"Maybe this has a shot."
And that's when she told me
that she's in love
with someone else.
Ah, shit.
You.
No. Uh-uh.
No.
No fucking way.
I'm not dealing with
this shit right now.
Not today.
Sam.
Look, this is the perfect day
to deal with some real shit.
Okay?
This is as real as it gets.
What are
you talking about?
This isn't real.
How is this real?
Huh?
Me and Memphis?
That's over.
I could never be
with her again.
Why?
Uh, because you married her
and I would never fuck
my best friend's wife.
Ex-wife.
She's an alcoholic.
So are you.
Yeah, I am,
but I'm working on it.
So is she.
No, three days sober
is not fucking working
on it.
Sam...
She told me that, uh...
That losing you was the
biggest mistake of her life.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, and then
she went to rehab.
She's been sober
eight months.
Memphis is
eight months clean?
Yeah.
She's doing really great.
But, man...
I came here to ask you
to forgive me.
That was really selfish.
I should have just asked you
to forgive her.
♪♪
Thanks a lot
for coming today.
No worries.
I'm glad I did.
You've been there for me.
I figured
I should be there for you.
This is
fucking nerve-wracking.
Hey,
you're gonna do great.
Really?
I got no rhythm.
Oh, I know. I-I meant
with your new place.
Y-You're...
You're right to move out.
I think you're ready.
Thanks, Loudermilk.
Okay, so, you know,
just remember here...
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three.
If Linda McCartney
can do it,
then so can you.
Who's Linda McCartney?
One...
Good luck.
What?
Hey. Uh...
We're the Ben Rogers Band,
and this is our music.
♪♪
♪ I got street cred
♪ Gunpowder-gray eyes
and a stolen purse
♪ Six pounds of state jewelry
on my ankles and wrists
♪ I've renewed
the old family curse
♪ A spider-web windshield
♪ They'll never let my ass
past the borderline
♪ I'm just looking for a place
to spend the rest of my cents
♪ Before the jig is up
and I can go home
♪ And it's a hard bargain we drive
♪ We ain't livin'
We're just trying to survive
♪ Knocked out, loaded
And let down
♪ Vanished in the air
♪ And we're steady
going nowhere ♪
Kids! Go back to bed!
No, Daddy!
We're playing with our toy!
Ah, come on!
I'm trying to get
ten more minutes of sleep.
Thanks, Dad.
You're the best.
My turn! My turn!
No! My turn!
My turn! My turn!
My turn!
Hey!
Don't pop all of it!
Save some of 'em.
Do any of you
know how to make coffee?
♪♪
Hey.
♪♪
Never told you last night
how great you were.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I'm out.
Okay.
Oh, uh, Loudermilk,
I wanted to give you
something for all your help.
What?
Yeah, I ordered it
a while back.
You didn't have to do that.
It's a nine-month chip.
I knew you could do it.
Again.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
Okay, hug's over.
Oh.
Hug's over.
Okay, um...
See ya.
Don't be a stranger.
I won't.
Did...
Ben, can you get that!
Shitter!
Oh, hey.
I can't.
You can't what?
I can't.
I can't do it anymore.
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Wh...
It's either you
or the fire station.
Wait a second.
No, no, no, no.
Your choice!
Hey!
I'm so sorry.
Come on, let's go.
Bye, Clyde.
Come on.
Motherfucker.
♪♪
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ Oh, the North Sea's singing
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ The North Sea's singing
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me... ♪
♪♪
When my dad died,
I couldn't even think
about what life would
be like without him.
Felix asked me to join them
for some upcoming gigs.
In what capacity?
As part of the band.
What's that?
On the University
of Washington.
Yeah, I got in.
Really?
You and my father,
last year, had...
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Come on! Not here.
Yes, you were
with your father,
and you...
Mmm-hmm.
Clyde.
This is your brother.
That's why I was hoping to
get some help from your dad.
I might have some cash
stashed away for emergencies
or in case of
a home invasion.
Look, I'm sorry
if you don't think
I was the greatest dad
in the world when you were
a kid, but get over it.
'Cause until I get the kinks
worked out in my time machine,
there is nothing
we can do about it.
Is everything okay,
Loudermilk?
My dad died.
♪♪
♪♪
♪ This ain't
♪ Fair, but I fear I traveled
here alone 'cause of you
Hey. Hey.
Shit-for-brains!
♪ I know what
I still don't... ♪
What the fuck is this?
Jesus, dude.
You hear of knocking?
Dude?
Don't you call me dude.
I'm the dude around here.
Yeah, that's what
I just called you. Dude.
Whose is this?
Mine.
Don't lie to me.
If I were gonna lie,
why would that be the lie?
Don't be a smart-ass,
smart-ass.
What the hell
are you thinking?
I'm thinking I need
to hide it better next time.
Come on, Sammy.
Are you that far gone
that you're hitting this shit?
Dad,
it's just a little weed.
Just weed?
I don't know
a lot about drugs,
but I do know this...
Once you start hittin'
the J's, buddy-boy,
nine times outta ten,
it don't end well.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Don't you
"oh-for-fuck's-sake" me.
You're better than this,
Sammy.
Now, I-I know things have
been hard on you lately,
what with your mother and me
trying to work things out,
and, uh...
Your girlfriend?
No, no, no, no. Heidi has
got nothing to do with this.
Well, very little.
Come on, Sammy.
All I'm saying is,
if you ever get down,
I mean really down,
and you need someone
to talk to,
you know they have
people at school
for that kind of stuff,
right?
Yeah, the, uh...
The lunch ladies
are always up
for a rap session.
There you go!
And...
If I ever find
this stuff again, ever,
you're gonna have to find
someplace else to live.
End of story.
All over. Got it?
Yeah, I got it.
Good.
'Cause in
the Loudermilk household,
we don't light up
this fucking hippie shit.
In the Loudermilk household,
we drink.
♪♪
This is it.
We'll paint it and
throw down some new carpet.
I'll need the first and last
month's to get you in here.
Utilities are included.
Neighbors are quiet.
Neighborhood, not so much.
What do ya think?
Mmm.
♪♪
So, have you had any further
thoughts about the service?
Oh, I don't know, Mike.
Just... Just do your
standard stuff, you know.
"All rise."
"Does anybody here object?"
Whatever you do.
I'll work on something.
Did your father
have any favorite verses?
Like songs?
Biblical verses.
Oh.
Um, no.
How about songs, then?
No.
Although he once said
that Alone Again Naturally
was the only rock song
he could stand.
I assume you'll be saying
a few words, yeah?
Oh, no.
Mmm-mmm. Not me.
Why not?
That's your department.
Yes, but he was your father.
No.
Okay.
It's up to you.
Right.
And I said no.
Fine. Think it over.
I did.
Before I said no.
Of course.
These are the times
that try men's souls.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
All right, then I guess
we're all set here.
Okay.
Hey, thanks, Mike.
I really appreciate this.
All set except
for the payment.
We accept everything,
check, cash, credit card,
PayPal, Venmo.
What are you,
Catholic Etsy?
I thought you were doing this
'cause you felt bad for me.
While I am sympathetic
with you, Sam,
I'm afraid
it's not free sympathy.
I'll get you a check.
"And the Lord said,
'Rake it-eth in
whilst thou can.'"
♪♪
How's it going?
Fine, I guess.
Tough, huh?
Well, it's something.
Hmm.
Notice you've been late
to a lot of meetings lately.
What's the deal
with that?
Nothing.
Yeah, for an addict,
you're a terrible liar.
Fine.
You know I've been living here
for a while, right?
Yes, I'm acutely aware.
And Ben's back now.
Mmm-hmm.
So I was thinking it might be
time I get my own place.
Not, like, right away.
Maybe in, like,
a couple weeks.
I don't know.
You think that's a good idea?
What do you mean?
Well,
you're still in recovery.
So are you.
Yeah.
I'm not moving out.
So the only thing
keeping me sober
is that I'm living with you?
I-I'm living with you, too.
It goes both ways.
You're saying
I'm keeping you sober?
No. Fuck, no.
Look, I don't want
to start a fight, okay?
I'm just trying
to raise the point
that if you want to go off
and be by yourself,
that's a tough way
to stay clean.
I have a job.
I am in a band.
I'm going to school.
It's time to move on.
All right. Fine.
You know,
if it goes off the rails,
just don't say
I didn't warn you.
Why do you always have to be
such an asshole?
Look, I just said
I didn't want to
start a fight, okay?
Well, I'll be sad
to see her go.
I'm gonna go measure
for curtains.
♪♪
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
You're always late.
Yeah, well,
I'm not that sorry.
So, you excited
about the show?
Yeah. I mean, I'm totally
nervous, but, yeah.
You?
I'm oddly calm.
Which is
making me super-nervous.
So, um, Thurston Moore
and Kim Gordon had a ritual.
Yeah?
After every Sonic show,
they'd get together
and talk about what
worked, what didn't.
That's how they
got so tight so fast.
Makes sense. So are
you gonna regroup with
Sig after the show?
Actually, I thought you and me
should do the post-show.
Me? But Sig's
the lead guitarist.
You guys write
all your songs together.
Yeah, that's why I need
an outside opinion.
You just made it weird.
It's not weird.
It just got super-weird.
Seriously. No.
But I thought
you cared about the band.
I do, but you're treating me
like I'm some dumb blonde,
and honestly, I've got
enough shit going on
without you hitting on me.
No offense, but you're
the last thing
I need right now.
I don't believe that.
Come on.
Isn't it obvious that it's
not in the cards for us?
Well, I-I think
our souls are in sync.
That's really sweet,
but it's probably better as
a lyric than as a sentiment.
Well, the best lyrics
are the true ones.
There you go again.
♪♪
All right, let's address
the elephant in the room.
Yes, my dad died.
No, I don't want
to talk about it.
I don't want to share.
I don't want a hug.
Cloud.
Classic technique...
Avoidance.
Oh, my God. Are you
reading that workbook again?
Actually, I've got it
all memorized.
In fact, I think
I could probably teach
one of those courses now.
You can teach me
any time you want.
Lesson one,
you're disgusting.
Can... May I?
If you guys are done talking
about your daddy issues,
um, I've got something
I'd like to share with
the group.
Yes, thank you.
Go ahead.
Uh, so, because she's seen
how hard I've been working
at staying clean,
my ex has agreed
to, uh, let my kids stay
with me next weekend.
All right.
Nice.
Hold on.
All nine kids?
I've got 10.
I thought
you said you had nine kids.
I miscounted.
You did what?
Okay, I miscounted my kids.
Does that make me a bad dad?
Yes.
So, anyway,
my middle son,
Cal... Callum,
it's his eighth birthday,
but all the kids
are gonna want presents,
and I'm broke.
Why would they all
expect presents?
Court rulings
and stuff like that.
I haven't been able to get
my kids presents for years,
and it's...
It's payback time.
Wait a second.
Court rulings?
Why would any court
give a shit
about whether you buy
your kids presents?
Fuck you,
you little fuck.
I got lots of bills,
and I got no cash.
Fuck you.
Just for that, you don't
get to sign my new cast.
I say to hell with 'em all,
to spoiled millennials.
I never got a birthday
present in my life,
and I turned out
just fine.
Christ.
Okay, well, maybe I can get
something at Goodwill.
Maybe they won't
even want gifts.
Maybe they just want to spend
some time with their dad.
That's very sweet
and everything,
but they gonna
want some shit,
for real.
Hell, yeah, they're
gonna want some gifts.
Good ones.
Yeah. You better come
with a shitload of stuff, man.
Those kids haven't been
around you for a long time.
They will turn on you.
Rug rats become thug rats
right quick, son.
You know what?
I might be able
to help you out.
My cousin Lino works in the
shipping department at Hasbro.
I'll have him send out
a couple of boxes of stuff.
No shit?
He can do that?
Easy.
Consider it done.
♪♪
You sure you don't
wanna come along,
you know, just to show
some support?
I can't do funerals, Ben.
They're too depressing,
y'know?
Oh, really?
Funerals are depressing?
I had no idea.
Come on, it's not supposed
to be Burning Man.
I know, but it's
a frickin' death ceremony.
Okay, well...
Oh, there he is.
Uh, Claire's not coming
to the funeral.
I didn't expect her
to go to the funeral.
You didn't?
No.
Well, I would go
with you guys.
It's just...
It's the same church
where my dad had his service.
And I've...
Don't worry about it.
Seriously.
Okay, uh, well,
we should probably
get going.
Yeah, let's go.
♪♪
Thank you very much.
Hi.
I am very sorry
for your loss.
Thank you.
He was a wonderful,
wonderful man.
Yes, he was.
Very nice,
Very genuine, very...
Very?
Sensual.
Okay.
I mean, you should know
what an enthusiastic lover
your father was.
Actually, I don't think
I should know that.
I mean, most men his age
don't do what he did.
Like what?
Uh, well,
I don't think a funeral
is the right place to...
Oh, no, no, no.
I think it's fine.
Memories of the deceased
and all.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Come here.
No, no, I'm just trying
to help the lady grieve.
Well, help her grieve
away from me, okay?
Oh, your dad
was very open
with the human body.
Uh, the line is starting
to back up now,
so maybe we'll just...
It was as though he spoke
some sort of secret language.
Vaginese?
You're a card.
What's your name?Edward.
Hi.
Thanks for coming.
I'm so sorry.
Oh.
Um...
Thank you.
About your dad.
It's just...
It's too bad that Clyde
won't ever get
to know his real father.
Hmm.
I-I guess eventually
Clyde will start
to think
that you're his dad.
No, he'll know
that I'm his brother.
Yeah, but after a while,
he might start
to think
that you're his father.
I'll be very clear
that I'm his brother.
Yeah, but little kids,
they get confused.
I'm on it.
We're here today to celebrate
the life
of John David Loudermilk...
Jack to his friends.
I didn't know Jack well.
In fact, I only
met him once.
But he was
not a fan of rock music.
I've heard that, in fact,
there was only one song
that he could stand.
In the words
of Gilbert O'Sullivan,
"In a little while fr..."
Okay, okay, no.
Uh, just...
Let... Let me do it.
Uh...
Let me do it.
Okay, um, it's not like
I stayed up all night
putting something together.
Why not?
Um...
Yep.
...Jack's son, Samuel,
would like to say a few words.
Okay.
Thank you all for coming out.
It means a lot more to me
than I thought it would.
I'm just gonna say it.
My dad was an asshole.
He... He was selfish,
he was thoughtless,
he was irresponsible.
He talked too much,
and he listened too little,
if he listened at all.
But anybody who ever knew him
when he was young
would always talk about
what an upstanding
and responsible kid he was.
He was an altar boy
and a paperboy.
He was an Eagle Scout.
He was a straight-A student.
I was none
of those things,
which disappointed
him greatly.
I never sniffed
the honor roll,
and I couldn't hack Webelos.
I-I-I pretty much screwed up
every good thing
that got sent my way
till I was well into my 40s.
But in the big picture,
I think, um...
Jack and I,
we're really the same asshole,
just in an inverse
kind of way.
Um...
You know, I had the luxury
of screwing up early on,
so I-I...
I saw the pain
that I was causing people,
and I still had time
to try to do better.
Whereas, my dad, he...
You know,
he never disappointed
anybody as a kid,
so he never
learned any lessons.
So, as an adult,
Jack went the other way.
And I got to tell you,
it's... It's, uh...
It's easier to be
a bad boy than a good boy.
It's a lot more fun, too.
The last time I saw him,
he seemed like
he was changing.
Like he was trying
to get back to the...
The good boy, you know.
And I see faces
of people who...
Who have my back the same way
that I have their back.
We... We... We may not like
each other all the time.
We may not stand each other.
But we do love each other.
He's talking about me.
You told me
your father died.
Did I?
And it's important to remember
that that's the reason,
I think, that we're here.
To... To love and...
And support
the people in our lives.
No matter what.
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, Cloud, come on.
Okay.
All right.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's gonna be okay.
Thanks.
Sam.
I believe this is yours.
Okay.
Uh, what am I supposed
to do with this?
People will usually
scatter the ashes
in a place that was
significant to the deceased.
You know
any good strip clubs nearby?
Those things
you said today, Sam,
they were very thoughtful,
if a little crude.
Thanks.
Do you mind
locking up the meeting room?
I've got to finish up here.
No, I don't mind.
Maloney's on 5th Street.
Maloney's on 5th Street.
Okay.
This stuff
is straight from Hasbro's
main facility back east.
Your kids
are gonna love it.
I cannot thank you
enough, Tony.
No problem.
It's like Loudermilk says...
We're watching out
for each other.Yep.
Oh, my God,
this is great!
Here you go.
No way! Oh!
My kids
are gonna love this, man.
Are you serious?
Look at this.
Oh, man!
What... What the...
Where...
Where's the shit?
What shit?
The... The toys.
There's nothing in here
but bubble wrap.
Those are the toys.
The bubble wrap
is the toys?
Kids love bubble wrap.
They can pop that shit
for hours.
Are you fucking serious?
Your cousin works
at Hasbro, and this
is the best he can do?
He just works
in the shipping department.
And he can't put
one actual toy in there?
What, and steal
from his employer?
What do you think,
my cousin's a thief?
Motherfucker, man.
This ain't gonna do
anything for me!
Give me that!
This is for my kids.
Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪
You never asked me
how it ended.
Memphis.
Correct.
See, the thing was, uh,
Memphis and I,
we were great
as long as we were drinking
or doing drugs or just...
Yeah, and then you couldn't
eventually keep up with her,
and that's what I figured.
Oh, no, no, no.
That was not the case at all.
I-I could've kept up with her
until it killed me.
Man, I would have done
anything to keep her.
And, uh, I did.
So, what happened?
So...
So, uh, one day,
I wake up,
and she's crying,
and I'm like, "What's wrong?"
And she wouldn't tell me
what's wrong all day,
and, um, we didn't drink
that day.
And the... The next day,
we stayed clean.
And then the third day,
it's like,
you know, we were sober,
and it was like...
We were like real people,
you know.
It felt like
a real relationship.
And I thought to myself,
"Maybe this is it. May...
"Maybe this has a shot."
And that's when she told me
that she's in love
with someone else.
Ah, shit.
You.
No. Uh-uh.
No.
No fucking way.
I'm not dealing with
this shit right now.
Not today.
Sam.
Look, this is the perfect day
to deal with some real shit.
Okay?
This is as real as it gets.
What are
you talking about?
This isn't real.
How is this real?
Huh?
Me and Memphis?
That's over.
I could never be
with her again.
Why?
Uh, because you married her
and I would never fuck
my best friend's wife.
Ex-wife.
She's an alcoholic.
So are you.
Yeah, I am,
but I'm working on it.
So is she.
No, three days sober
is not fucking working
on it.
Sam...
She told me that, uh...
That losing you was the
biggest mistake of her life.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, and then
she went to rehab.
She's been sober
eight months.
Memphis is
eight months clean?
Yeah.
She's doing really great.
But, man...
I came here to ask you
to forgive me.
That was really selfish.
I should have just asked you
to forgive her.
♪♪
Thanks a lot
for coming today.
No worries.
I'm glad I did.
You've been there for me.
I figured
I should be there for you.
This is
fucking nerve-wracking.
Hey,
you're gonna do great.
Really?
I got no rhythm.
Oh, I know. I-I meant
with your new place.
Y-You're...
You're right to move out.
I think you're ready.
Thanks, Loudermilk.
Okay, so, you know,
just remember here...
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three.
If Linda McCartney
can do it,
then so can you.
Who's Linda McCartney?
One...
Good luck.
What?
Hey. Uh...
We're the Ben Rogers Band,
and this is our music.
♪♪
♪ I got street cred
♪ Gunpowder-gray eyes
and a stolen purse
♪ Six pounds of state jewelry
on my ankles and wrists
♪ I've renewed
the old family curse
♪ A spider-web windshield
♪ They'll never let my ass
past the borderline
♪ I'm just looking for a place
to spend the rest of my cents
♪ Before the jig is up
and I can go home
♪ And it's a hard bargain we drive
♪ We ain't livin'
We're just trying to survive
♪ Knocked out, loaded
And let down
♪ Vanished in the air
♪ And we're steady
going nowhere ♪
Kids! Go back to bed!
No, Daddy!
We're playing with our toy!
Ah, come on!
I'm trying to get
ten more minutes of sleep.
Thanks, Dad.
You're the best.
My turn! My turn!
No! My turn!
My turn! My turn!
My turn!
Hey!
Don't pop all of it!
Save some of 'em.
Do any of you
know how to make coffee?
♪♪
Hey.
♪♪
Never told you last night
how great you were.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I'm out.
Okay.
Oh, uh, Loudermilk,
I wanted to give you
something for all your help.
What?
Yeah, I ordered it
a while back.
You didn't have to do that.
It's a nine-month chip.
I knew you could do it.
Again.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
Okay, hug's over.
Oh.
Hug's over.
Okay, um...
See ya.
Don't be a stranger.
I won't.
Did...
Ben, can you get that!
Shitter!
Oh, hey.
I can't.
You can't what?
I can't.
I can't do it anymore.
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Wh...
It's either you
or the fire station.
Wait a second.
No, no, no, no.
Your choice!
Hey!
I'm so sorry.
Come on, let's go.
Bye, Clyde.
Come on.
Motherfucker.
♪♪
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ Oh, the North Sea's singing
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me, baby?
♪ The North Sea's singing
♪ Oh, won't you come to me?
♪ Oh, the North Sea sings
♪ Won't you come to me... ♪
♪♪