Loudermilk (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Highway 10 Revisited - full transcript
This isn't what it looks like.
So you're not holding
two drinks in your hand
and getting a BJ?
You wanna breathalyze me?
Go ahead.
What the fuck?
Ben doesn't drink.
I bet it's a DUI.
Well, sponsee,
I think you might want to open
your eyes a little wider.
What the fuck are you doing
not telling me my ex-wife's
getting married?!
Because I didn't want you
to freak out!
I would freak out?!
Why would you think
Why the fuck
are you still going
to Memphis' wedding?
I was invited.
It doesn't mean anything to you
that I'm still in love with her?
that I told you
I know, man,
but I already RSVP'd.
And besides, I promised Memphis
that I would be there,
and I prefer
Yeah?
not to break my promises.
you'd stay sober.
Well, you promised me
When did I do that?
When you became my sponsor,
you said, "Loudermilk",
I promise
that I will do everything I can
"to help you stay clean,
including lead by example."
Oops.
That's what you fucking got?
Oops?
I'm sorry, okay?
I've been very, very
stressed out, and I got weak.
It happens.
Yeah.
But that doesn't mean
drinking again, too, okay?
that you should start
Well, like I could after
that Tony Robbins pep talk.
I don't know, you know?
Maybe finding out about
this wedding is a...
was a godsend or something.
I'm sure God was all about
Oh, yeah,
you breaking and entering
into my safe.
It's not breaking or entering.
I live here.
And I didn't have to
break into your safe
to crack 'cause I was able
your fuckin' Da Vinci Code-level
password, Ben.
Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha.
That was good.
All right, so I'll pack my bags.
Is this a formal wedding?
T-shirt and flip-flops.
No, you know,
It's like a Jimmy Buffet vibe.
Of course it's formal.
Not that it matters
in that you're not invited.
Well, I might want to break in
and stop the thing,
to be underdressed.
and I don't want
Oh, fuck me.
Now what?
I'm gonna have to take
what's-her-name.
Why?
Are you worried
she's gonna sleep
in one of our beds or something?
for a couple months, man.
She's only been sober
She'll be mainlining
before we start the car.
Didn't even think about
the bed thing.
Come on.
how it's gonna be now?
Is that
You're gonna drink in
the apartment, in front of me?
All right.
I'm sorry, you're right.
No more drinking...
in the apartment...
while you're home.
We cool?
"Stand on the Horizon" plays ]
[ Franz Ferdinand's
♪ The North Sea sings,
"Won't you come to me baby?" ♪
I still don't get
why I had to come, too.
It's too early in your recovery
for you to be left alone.
Besides, I need somebody
watching Ben while I tinkle.
to just ditch the group?
You sure it's okay
I'm not ditching the group.
What?
New Guy's gonna be
covering for me.
New Guy?
Yeah.
Why that asshole?
Because...
by the time I get back,
they'll be so happy to see me,
- I ditched them.
- they'll forget
I know that Loudermilk usually
begins by mocking everybody...
and disarming...
and sometimes that could be cute
but I prefer the Cornell way
of really pow...
Hey, where is Loudermilk?
It's kind of a secret.
We're not supposed to tell
Father Mike.
Shit, I'm not even sure
I'm allowed to tell you guys.
your silly little ass,
Well, obviously, if he told
you can tell us, too.
You know,
I was thinking that, too,
but then I realized
I'm the one he asked
to lead the group
in his absence,
holds me in a higher esteem.
so he probably
Huh.
He just picked you
because he knew
you were
a power-hungry little fuck
who would wet his pussy
at the mere thought
this shitty...
of running
Hey, first of all,
I don't have a pussy.
I have a penis just like you.
Prove it.
I'm serious.
What?
and do your best to locate it,
Find some tweezers
and pull it out,
a-and we'll all get
as close as we can,
and we'll...
and we'll squint
to try to see
what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah?
tweezers, buddy!
Well, you're not gonna need
You're gonna need a spatula!
And besides, I'm not gonna
show you my penis,
and you know why?!
'Cause my voice proves it.
Doesn't my voice
prove I have one?
Not really.
Are you fucking serious?
I can't drink
in the car now, either?
Come on.
Dude,
it's a really long drive,
I'm an alcoholic!
and you know
Please.
That's bad enough
in front of me,
but there's a very delicate
flower in the back
who's at
an extremely impressionable age.
for the last two weeks,
Ben's been drinking his ass off
and if he just quits
cold turkey,
he might get the DTs.
You knew he was off the wagon?
Looks like you're the only one
Sherlock Homo.
who didn't know,
"Sherlock Homo"!
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Can we agree that you're not
gonna drink behind the wheel,
at least?
a control freak, man.
You know, you really are
B-By the way, I'm the only one
out of the three of us
who still has a license,
so I make the rules.
Cheers.
Great.
What if we get in an accident?
Huh?
Or...
Is that...?
Or that.
Where?
Oh, my God.
Oh, that guy's...
Oh, boy. Okay, okay.
I'm going to jail.
Great.
Again.
Don't worry.
The only person going to jail
is the drunk driver.
You've been driving
pretty erratically
couple miles.
over the past
Oh.
Is that right?
Um, I'm sorry about that.
Have you been drinking?
No, officer.
When my father used to drink,
he would beat my mother,
a drop of alcohol my whole life
and I swore I'd never take
and I never have.
Oh.
Sorry.
Well... just slow down,
okay?
I don't know why
we were going so fast anyway.
to go nowhere, right?
I mean, we're all in such a rush
I mean, where are we all going?
How are we gonna get there?
What's gonna happen to us,
you know?
Like, who's up there?
I don't know.
Right?
What the fuck was that?!
What?
I was just improvising a little.
I was trying to help you out.
Okay. Well, this isn't
the fucking Groundlings, okay?
I had that.
to lie about, Ben.
That was a shitty thing
You're gonna get bad karma
for that.
Oh, okay.
So, let me get this straight...
would it have been better
if it were true
did beat my mother?
and my father
Yeah.
You make me sick.
Come on, man.
We got to go in here?
Yes.
for seven straight hours,
You've been driving
and we're not missing meetings.
Oh, yeah,
meetings are so important.
I've been going for years.
Look how I turned out.
Hey, you had a relapse.
and open up.
You got to get back in there
Talk about whatever it is
that set you off.
Yeah,
I've been having flashbacks
hitting mommy.
of daddy
I'm serious, man.
is going on with you?
What the fuck
- I don't know. Nothing!
- Everything. Life.
You know,
it's never just one thing.
Look, man, are you sure
you want to go in here?
It looks like we're walking into
a Klu Klux clambake.
We're all the same.
We're alcoholics.
Don't be elitist, man.
You're go...
Wait. Hold on.
You're calling me elitist?
You?
I'm only elitist about music.
facial hair, Uh, and coffee,
serial commas,
dim sum... hats!
You're so fucking particular
All right, fine, fine!
about hats!
I'm elitist, fine!
about this.
I'm not fucking elitist
All right?
This is recovery.
That's the great equalizer.
Anybody who's battling addiction
has a story worth telling.
You know,
your wife dumps you,
with yourself where you...
you play a lot of games
you try to... You know,
you magnify all of her flaws,
like her tacos were soggy,
she couldn't punctuate...
You know... I mean, I'd come
home to a note that would say,
"Honey, I'll be home at 5:00,
comma, I love you,"
fuckin' sentences.
and it's two
Anyway, that's...
It's a lot of bullshit. Right?
You're just trying
to con yourself into thinking
that you're better off without
her and it's time to move on,
but I...
Man, I can't.
I don't get you.
You know what, man?
I mean, you lost Memphis
four years ago.
Why is this just
hitting you now?
'Cause up till now,
there's always been hope.
some other dude...
I mean, once she marries
that's it...
it's over.
Hey, you ever try picturing her
taking a real stinky shit?
That always works for me.
No.
You really surprised me
in there.
I mean...
you don't even share like that
with your own group.
Just felt safe, I guess.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know them.
I don't give a shit
what they think.
Well, I had no idea
you were still so in hung up
on Memphis.
I told you I was.
When I talk,
do you not listen to me?
I drift in and out.
Oh.
Seriously, though, man,
that was some heavy shit.
I mean, you got me thinking
that maybe this wedding
you need to do.
is the last thing
What are you talking about?
Listen, man,
this is the real world,
not a movie,
and in the real world,
brides don't back out
of their own wedding.
could kill you, Sam.
This trip
You know what?
Fuck New Orleans.
Why don't we go somewhere fun,
like Miami or L.A.?
We'll find ourselves
some new chicks.
Look...
if I just look her in the eye
I know in my gut that
and tell her how I feel,
she's gonna realize
that she feels the same way
and call the goddamn thing off.
So that's what I got to do.
Hey, group is in session!
Take your seats!
Oh, yeah, we'll take our seats
as soon as you show us
your clit already.
Very funny. You know,
I don't have a clitoris,
than any of you.
and I get way hotter chicks
Oh, you guys think that's funny?
You don't believe it?
Well, how many of you are
this close to dating Rihanna?
Just 'cause
you play the skin flute
mean you're gonna date her.
thinking about Rihanna doesn't
Oh, yeah, make your jokes,
but you know what?
I'm the one who's gonna be
tapping her, not you.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
You talking about Ri-Ri?
The... Come on, now.
Rihanna, the singer?
The one that's in "Annie"?
That Rihanna?
Yeah, Rihanna.
I donated a lot of money
to her causes,
she finally agreed
to follow me on Twitter,
this week.
and I'm gonna ask her out
Are you back on meth?
Hey, she might say yes.
Stranger things have happened.
Really?
Like what?
They cloned a sheep.
That don't beat that!
Deal me in.
What you got?
Where the hell is Loudermilk?
Oh, I'm in charge.
Uh, he's away for, uh...
for an hour.
For an hour?
Okay, three days.
He left the group
for three days,
and he didn't tell me?
Yeah, sounds kind of bad
when you say it that way,
in fairness to him, Father,
but, you know,
he did have
an important ceremony to go to.
A funeral?
Uh, actually,
it was a wedding.
Loudermilk abandoned
this group...
to a wedding?
to go
Put out the goddamn smokes!
It's a goddamn
historical landmark!
Why the fuck
did you throw Loudermilk
under the bus,
ass-chin?
I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
Man:
You ratted him out.
What are you
talking about?
You all saw it
with your own eyes...
Father Mike
verbally waterboarded me.
You snitch.
You gave the keys to my room
to an obsessive-compulsive
meth-head fuck
so you could go to a wedding?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, language.
Come on.
I thought you took your
responsibilities here seriously.
I do.
Th-This is...
Look, I'm not just going
to bang bridesmaids, okay?
I'm...
the bride.
I'm going after
This is a serious dereliction
of conscience and duty
to abandon people
who depend on you being there.
It's the...
It's the last straw.
I'm taking the room
away from you,
to somebody who cares.
and I'm gonna give the room
Look... That...
I don't get a second chance?
You ran out of second chances
five chances ago!
Don't bother coming back here!
Hello?
Shit, man.
Did he just take your group
away from you?
Yeah.
Wow.
I-I'm sorry, man.
Hey, it's probably a good thing.
in that group suck, right?
I mean, most of the people
Except for Cloud
and... and Cutter.
Where the fuck's Cutter
been lately, anyway?
I'm gonna take Mom and Scamper
out here for a walk.
Make sure Mama Bear's
motor faculties are okay.
in here by yourself?
You gonna be okay
No. Can I please
go home now?
Why?
So you can be reunited
with your two besties...
booze and heroin?
I'm going to my goddamn job!
I'm not going home.
Don't you take the Lord's name
in vain,
you ungrateful cocksucker!
Yeah, that would be
a real tragedy of justice,
you not being able to come up
with some catchy slogan
themselves to an early grave.
so more people could drink
For me, it would.
Don't go snooping around.
I have better things to do
than snoop.
Like what?
You're triple-locked
in a trailer,
don't work.
and the TV
Damn.
Suddenly, I feel bad.
First 200 pages are slow,
but stick with it.
No, no, no, no.
I don't know why,
but I always end up dating guys
who treat me bad.
They're either abusers
or cross dressers.
are bad,
Not that all cross dressers
but the guy I dated...
he used to pee on me.
I don't know.
Maybe I just deserve guys
that treat me bad.
Hey, Marika,
you know that is not true.
that lifts all of us every day.
There is a goodness in you
Don't let the bad people
diminish the good in you.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm sorry, new friend,
d-do you disagree with
the counsel that I'm giving?
in a meeting?
Why the fuck are you drinking
Uh, we... we don't speak
at "decibel 10" in here, friend.
Um, we never like to go above
a five, actually.
What is wrong with you?!
Excuse me, sir,
could you back off?
to me.
with him drinking?
You're okay
He was talking
Judge not
lest ye judge yourself.
No, let's judge, okay?
You're a doormat.
Don't be.
Stop dating assholes
who pee on you.
You, stop drinking
in the middle of a meeting!
You're not supposed to do that.
Oh, don't dump your
liberal bullshit on me, okay?
about politics.
This isn't
I happen to know
what I'm talking about, okay?
I'm a leader myself.
Was a leader.
Was?
Uh, what'd, you get canned?
Now, what, because I took
a couple of personal days off,
I'm not a...
You... You abandoned
your group?
I didn't abandon anybody.
I-I-I left them
with the... the new guy.
Yeah, yeah, he's been sober
for like what, uh, two weeks?
More than him!
And you're judging me?
You know what?
I had my relapse
like six months ago.
And believe me,
the last thing I thought
I should do was to walk in here.
But then I realized,
to help myself,
if I don't have the strength
I might still have the strength
to help those who depend on me.
So, unlike you, Mr. Selfish,
I came to these meetings
because the word "abandon" is
not in my personal vocabulary.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Excuse me, uh......
would you mind
if I had a little...
just a skosh of the, uh...
I would love one.
Oh, you want a drink?
relapsed myself.
I just
by the way.
My name's Ben,
Russell.
What's going on?
Okay.
How you doing?
This will be good.
All right.
Ben.
Oh.
Here we go.
Mm.
We were driving forever,
and Mr. Selfish
Ben!
didn't want to stop...
Okay. All right.
Hey, cheers, huh?
everybody.
Good luck,
Oh, yeah, cheers.
♪ I'm on the highway ♪
♪ Heading out into chance ♪
♪ Gotta find my happiness ♪
♪ It's missing again ♪
♪ Following the river road ♪
♪ To the banks of Maurice ♪
♪ That's where I find it ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Oh, some people
got to get the juice ♪
♪ But I can't help it
if I get the blues ♪
♪ This way ♪
♪ Oh, this way ♪
I got to turn around... ♪
♪ Yeah, I know
You sure you got enough?
You still got six hours to go.
No, I know.
I was thinking the same thing,
but I don't want them
to get warm,
unless I get a cooler,
so, you know,
I thought it'd be smarter
to just pull over later
and get more.
I was kidding.
and rub them under your arms
Yeah, get those
every half an hour or so.
Rub them under yours.
Snappy comeback.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I want you to keep an eye
on him, yeah?
he's a grown-ass man.
Dude,
He can take care of himself.
And he goes,
"I'm just joking."
'Cause he thought
it was too many.
he doesn't piss on the floor
Just make sure
or wander into traffic.
License or no license,
I'm driving from now on.
Yeah.
All right.
Don't forget this one.
Beautiful!
Where is he?
Who?
Ben.
How should I know?
'Cause you're supposed to be
watching him!
Okay, assignment Nazi.
I had to go, too.
for like 20 minutes.
You were in there
So you didn't see where he went?
He's probably still in there.
He's not.
Check the bathroom.
I just came from the bathroom.
Jesus Christ.
Ben!
Ben?!
Oh.
Watch your step.
Okay, baby.
Oh, sweetie, come on.
all right.
Oh, mommy's gonna be
Love you, rascal.
Lay down.
Go to bed now.
How's Mom?
Why don't you ask her yourself?
'cause she's old, You think
she's not a human being?
Not a person?
No.
You looking at my scrapbook?
Oh, yeah.
I, uh...
It's mine.
What?
It's just pictures of you
hanging out with a buddy.
That wasn't just a buddy.
That's Ollie.
My sponsee.
And he's dead 'cause of me.
you can't blame yourself Cutter,
when... when someone else
decides to do...
whatever they're gonna do.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can.
trying to do the best I could,
I was always on his ass,
just like...
I do with you.
And then, one day,
he had a slip.
And I got so mad
'cause he didn't go
to a fuckin' meeting with me!
And then I said...
"You want it your way, big shot?"
Go ahead.
"Go ahead
and s-see where it gets you."
An hour later, I got the call.
Uh...
I got the call.
An hour later,
You did the best you could.
I mean...
you can't control
everything somebody does.
control what we do.
I mean, shit, we can't even
I could've did more.
What more could you
possibly have done?
You can't control someone
24 hours a day.
I mean, unless you...
to your trailer and...
handcuff someone
that's not the answer.
Sorry.
Hey, hey, hey,
I-it's okay.
At least I understand
why you're so extreme with me.
get you home.
We got to
R-Really?
You sure he's gone?
Positive.
We've been searching for him
for two hours.
But you said his car
is still here.
That's right.
Well, how could he be gone
if his car is still here?
Uh... I don't understand
the question, I guess,
but that's kind of my point.
That's how I know
something is wrong
and he's not.
is because his car is here
Maybe he hitchhiked somewhere.
Left you the keys
on the front tire.
People do that around here
all the time.
Why would he hitchhike
when he has a car?
I don't know.
Maybe he wanted
to get away from you
but he didn't want
to leave you in a lurch.
Did you check the front tire?
L-Look, he loves
that car, okay?
ever hitchhike somewhere
He would never,
and leave the car.
If he was trying to ditch us,
he would take the car,
and he would leave us
to hitchhike.
Well, he doesn't sound like much
of a friend if he'd do that.
if you find him?
So why do you care
No, because he Di...
That's a hypo...
He didn't do that, okay?
Look,
I'm... I'm really afraid
something bad has happened,
you know?
and passed out
Like he wandered into the woods
or he got hit by a truck
or something.
He'd been driving
for a bunch of hours,
and... and...
and he was pretty drunk
by the time we pulled over.
Wait a second.
Whoa, whoa.
You let your friend drive drunk?
Um, yeah,
I-I-I lost my license,
and so did she, so...
That's...
I ought to arrest you.
For being an enabler?
For what?
You can't arrest me for that.
Mm.
Touchy, sir.
Touchy.
"Touchy?"
"Touchy?"
Do you mean "touché"?
Yeah.
Home run, huh?
You crushed it, right?
"Crushed it"?
I didn't crush it.
No,
How was I supposed to crush it
when you had me
locked inside a trailer
when I should've
been preparing?!
It was a fucking disaster!
15 minutes to explain It took me
why I had dental floss
in my forehead!
You should've told them
it was an antiseptic.
An antiseptic!
That's great! Yeah, no!
Next time, I'll bring you in
Whoa, whoa!
so you can ruin my life
in front of everybody!
Whoa, whoa!
Don't bite my head off.
It's like you said
back at the trailer...
you can't control everything.
Everyone!
you can't control everyone.
I-I said
Things you can control,
like... like doing great
at a pitch meeting!
That's a controllable thing
if you have the fucking time
to prepare!
Oh, fuck!
Fried chicken, order up!
♪ You can lay down and die ♪
Ben, where the hell are you?!
- but I was kidnapped.
- Okay. Everything's fine,
What?
Yeah, the second
I walked out of the bathroom,
a guy ambushed me
and forced me into his car.
Okay.
Where are you?
I'll call the police.
No, no, no, no.
Look, that won't be necessary.
I got him talking about
his childhood and shit.
He feels really bad now.
I think he just wanted some
company driving to New Orleans.
You're in New Orleans?
I'm sorry. You're...
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, of all the places
this guy wanted to go,
New Orleans.
And, um, you know,
that maybe you're right.
it's got me thinking
You know,
maybe God is behind all this.
I don't... I-I-I'm not
following that at all.
Tell you what, man.
Why don't you just take my car,
to Seattle?
drive back
How am I gonna do that?
I don't have the keys.
I put them
on the front left tire.
Oh, for fuck's sake...
Yeah, Ben, listen, okay?
I'm coming to you, all right?
I'm on my way.
Just, uh, you got to do me
a favor, though, all right?
I need you
to talk to Memphis.
Me?
You... You want me
to talk to her?
Yeah, I... I...
Yeah.
You know, I need you to
grease the wheels a little bit.
Okay.
That sounds good.
Look, I got to go,
but you could probably...
Hello, Memphis.
Hello, Ben.
♪ Hey, babe,
you know it's true ♪
♪ I, I'm in love
with you, babe ♪
♪ But you're never ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ No, you're never gonna be ♪
on the avenue ♪
♪ Yeah, all the shotgun lovers
♪ Yes, it's true,
he's much too old for you ♪
♪ Babe, but you never ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ No, you're never gonna be ♪
♪ I know sometimes everyone
wants to be someone else ♪
.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII
So you're not holding
two drinks in your hand
and getting a BJ?
You wanna breathalyze me?
Go ahead.
What the fuck?
Ben doesn't drink.
I bet it's a DUI.
Well, sponsee,
I think you might want to open
your eyes a little wider.
What the fuck are you doing
not telling me my ex-wife's
getting married?!
Because I didn't want you
to freak out!
I would freak out?!
Why would you think
Why the fuck
are you still going
to Memphis' wedding?
I was invited.
It doesn't mean anything to you
that I'm still in love with her?
that I told you
I know, man,
but I already RSVP'd.
And besides, I promised Memphis
that I would be there,
and I prefer
Yeah?
not to break my promises.
you'd stay sober.
Well, you promised me
When did I do that?
When you became my sponsor,
you said, "Loudermilk",
I promise
that I will do everything I can
"to help you stay clean,
including lead by example."
Oops.
That's what you fucking got?
Oops?
I'm sorry, okay?
I've been very, very
stressed out, and I got weak.
It happens.
Yeah.
But that doesn't mean
drinking again, too, okay?
that you should start
Well, like I could after
that Tony Robbins pep talk.
I don't know, you know?
Maybe finding out about
this wedding is a...
was a godsend or something.
I'm sure God was all about
Oh, yeah,
you breaking and entering
into my safe.
It's not breaking or entering.
I live here.
And I didn't have to
break into your safe
to crack 'cause I was able
your fuckin' Da Vinci Code-level
password, Ben.
Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha.
That was good.
All right, so I'll pack my bags.
Is this a formal wedding?
T-shirt and flip-flops.
No, you know,
It's like a Jimmy Buffet vibe.
Of course it's formal.
Not that it matters
in that you're not invited.
Well, I might want to break in
and stop the thing,
to be underdressed.
and I don't want
Oh, fuck me.
Now what?
I'm gonna have to take
what's-her-name.
Why?
Are you worried
she's gonna sleep
in one of our beds or something?
for a couple months, man.
She's only been sober
She'll be mainlining
before we start the car.
Didn't even think about
the bed thing.
Come on.
how it's gonna be now?
Is that
You're gonna drink in
the apartment, in front of me?
All right.
I'm sorry, you're right.
No more drinking...
in the apartment...
while you're home.
We cool?
"Stand on the Horizon" plays ]
[ Franz Ferdinand's
♪ The North Sea sings,
"Won't you come to me baby?" ♪
I still don't get
why I had to come, too.
It's too early in your recovery
for you to be left alone.
Besides, I need somebody
watching Ben while I tinkle.
to just ditch the group?
You sure it's okay
I'm not ditching the group.
What?
New Guy's gonna be
covering for me.
New Guy?
Yeah.
Why that asshole?
Because...
by the time I get back,
they'll be so happy to see me,
- I ditched them.
- they'll forget
I know that Loudermilk usually
begins by mocking everybody...
and disarming...
and sometimes that could be cute
but I prefer the Cornell way
of really pow...
Hey, where is Loudermilk?
It's kind of a secret.
We're not supposed to tell
Father Mike.
Shit, I'm not even sure
I'm allowed to tell you guys.
your silly little ass,
Well, obviously, if he told
you can tell us, too.
You know,
I was thinking that, too,
but then I realized
I'm the one he asked
to lead the group
in his absence,
holds me in a higher esteem.
so he probably
Huh.
He just picked you
because he knew
you were
a power-hungry little fuck
who would wet his pussy
at the mere thought
this shitty...
of running
Hey, first of all,
I don't have a pussy.
I have a penis just like you.
Prove it.
I'm serious.
What?
and do your best to locate it,
Find some tweezers
and pull it out,
a-and we'll all get
as close as we can,
and we'll...
and we'll squint
to try to see
what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah?
tweezers, buddy!
Well, you're not gonna need
You're gonna need a spatula!
And besides, I'm not gonna
show you my penis,
and you know why?!
'Cause my voice proves it.
Doesn't my voice
prove I have one?
Not really.
Are you fucking serious?
I can't drink
in the car now, either?
Come on.
Dude,
it's a really long drive,
I'm an alcoholic!
and you know
Please.
That's bad enough
in front of me,
but there's a very delicate
flower in the back
who's at
an extremely impressionable age.
for the last two weeks,
Ben's been drinking his ass off
and if he just quits
cold turkey,
he might get the DTs.
You knew he was off the wagon?
Looks like you're the only one
Sherlock Homo.
who didn't know,
"Sherlock Homo"!
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Can we agree that you're not
gonna drink behind the wheel,
at least?
a control freak, man.
You know, you really are
B-By the way, I'm the only one
out of the three of us
who still has a license,
so I make the rules.
Cheers.
Great.
What if we get in an accident?
Huh?
Or...
Is that...?
Or that.
Where?
Oh, my God.
Oh, that guy's...
Oh, boy. Okay, okay.
I'm going to jail.
Great.
Again.
Don't worry.
The only person going to jail
is the drunk driver.
You've been driving
pretty erratically
couple miles.
over the past
Oh.
Is that right?
Um, I'm sorry about that.
Have you been drinking?
No, officer.
When my father used to drink,
he would beat my mother,
a drop of alcohol my whole life
and I swore I'd never take
and I never have.
Oh.
Sorry.
Well... just slow down,
okay?
I don't know why
we were going so fast anyway.
to go nowhere, right?
I mean, we're all in such a rush
I mean, where are we all going?
How are we gonna get there?
What's gonna happen to us,
you know?
Like, who's up there?
I don't know.
Right?
What the fuck was that?!
What?
I was just improvising a little.
I was trying to help you out.
Okay. Well, this isn't
the fucking Groundlings, okay?
I had that.
to lie about, Ben.
That was a shitty thing
You're gonna get bad karma
for that.
Oh, okay.
So, let me get this straight...
would it have been better
if it were true
did beat my mother?
and my father
Yeah.
You make me sick.
Come on, man.
We got to go in here?
Yes.
for seven straight hours,
You've been driving
and we're not missing meetings.
Oh, yeah,
meetings are so important.
I've been going for years.
Look how I turned out.
Hey, you had a relapse.
and open up.
You got to get back in there
Talk about whatever it is
that set you off.
Yeah,
I've been having flashbacks
hitting mommy.
of daddy
I'm serious, man.
is going on with you?
What the fuck
- I don't know. Nothing!
- Everything. Life.
You know,
it's never just one thing.
Look, man, are you sure
you want to go in here?
It looks like we're walking into
a Klu Klux clambake.
We're all the same.
We're alcoholics.
Don't be elitist, man.
You're go...
Wait. Hold on.
You're calling me elitist?
You?
I'm only elitist about music.
facial hair, Uh, and coffee,
serial commas,
dim sum... hats!
You're so fucking particular
All right, fine, fine!
about hats!
I'm elitist, fine!
about this.
I'm not fucking elitist
All right?
This is recovery.
That's the great equalizer.
Anybody who's battling addiction
has a story worth telling.
You know,
your wife dumps you,
with yourself where you...
you play a lot of games
you try to... You know,
you magnify all of her flaws,
like her tacos were soggy,
she couldn't punctuate...
You know... I mean, I'd come
home to a note that would say,
"Honey, I'll be home at 5:00,
comma, I love you,"
fuckin' sentences.
and it's two
Anyway, that's...
It's a lot of bullshit. Right?
You're just trying
to con yourself into thinking
that you're better off without
her and it's time to move on,
but I...
Man, I can't.
I don't get you.
You know what, man?
I mean, you lost Memphis
four years ago.
Why is this just
hitting you now?
'Cause up till now,
there's always been hope.
some other dude...
I mean, once she marries
that's it...
it's over.
Hey, you ever try picturing her
taking a real stinky shit?
That always works for me.
No.
You really surprised me
in there.
I mean...
you don't even share like that
with your own group.
Just felt safe, I guess.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know them.
I don't give a shit
what they think.
Well, I had no idea
you were still so in hung up
on Memphis.
I told you I was.
When I talk,
do you not listen to me?
I drift in and out.
Oh.
Seriously, though, man,
that was some heavy shit.
I mean, you got me thinking
that maybe this wedding
you need to do.
is the last thing
What are you talking about?
Listen, man,
this is the real world,
not a movie,
and in the real world,
brides don't back out
of their own wedding.
could kill you, Sam.
This trip
You know what?
Fuck New Orleans.
Why don't we go somewhere fun,
like Miami or L.A.?
We'll find ourselves
some new chicks.
Look...
if I just look her in the eye
I know in my gut that
and tell her how I feel,
she's gonna realize
that she feels the same way
and call the goddamn thing off.
So that's what I got to do.
Hey, group is in session!
Take your seats!
Oh, yeah, we'll take our seats
as soon as you show us
your clit already.
Very funny. You know,
I don't have a clitoris,
than any of you.
and I get way hotter chicks
Oh, you guys think that's funny?
You don't believe it?
Well, how many of you are
this close to dating Rihanna?
Just 'cause
you play the skin flute
mean you're gonna date her.
thinking about Rihanna doesn't
Oh, yeah, make your jokes,
but you know what?
I'm the one who's gonna be
tapping her, not you.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
You talking about Ri-Ri?
The... Come on, now.
Rihanna, the singer?
The one that's in "Annie"?
That Rihanna?
Yeah, Rihanna.
I donated a lot of money
to her causes,
she finally agreed
to follow me on Twitter,
this week.
and I'm gonna ask her out
Are you back on meth?
Hey, she might say yes.
Stranger things have happened.
Really?
Like what?
They cloned a sheep.
That don't beat that!
Deal me in.
What you got?
Where the hell is Loudermilk?
Oh, I'm in charge.
Uh, he's away for, uh...
for an hour.
For an hour?
Okay, three days.
He left the group
for three days,
and he didn't tell me?
Yeah, sounds kind of bad
when you say it that way,
in fairness to him, Father,
but, you know,
he did have
an important ceremony to go to.
A funeral?
Uh, actually,
it was a wedding.
Loudermilk abandoned
this group...
to a wedding?
to go
Put out the goddamn smokes!
It's a goddamn
historical landmark!
Why the fuck
did you throw Loudermilk
under the bus,
ass-chin?
I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
Man:
You ratted him out.
What are you
talking about?
You all saw it
with your own eyes...
Father Mike
verbally waterboarded me.
You snitch.
You gave the keys to my room
to an obsessive-compulsive
meth-head fuck
so you could go to a wedding?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, language.
Come on.
I thought you took your
responsibilities here seriously.
I do.
Th-This is...
Look, I'm not just going
to bang bridesmaids, okay?
I'm...
the bride.
I'm going after
This is a serious dereliction
of conscience and duty
to abandon people
who depend on you being there.
It's the...
It's the last straw.
I'm taking the room
away from you,
to somebody who cares.
and I'm gonna give the room
Look... That...
I don't get a second chance?
You ran out of second chances
five chances ago!
Don't bother coming back here!
Hello?
Shit, man.
Did he just take your group
away from you?
Yeah.
Wow.
I-I'm sorry, man.
Hey, it's probably a good thing.
in that group suck, right?
I mean, most of the people
Except for Cloud
and... and Cutter.
Where the fuck's Cutter
been lately, anyway?
I'm gonna take Mom and Scamper
out here for a walk.
Make sure Mama Bear's
motor faculties are okay.
in here by yourself?
You gonna be okay
No. Can I please
go home now?
Why?
So you can be reunited
with your two besties...
booze and heroin?
I'm going to my goddamn job!
I'm not going home.
Don't you take the Lord's name
in vain,
you ungrateful cocksucker!
Yeah, that would be
a real tragedy of justice,
you not being able to come up
with some catchy slogan
themselves to an early grave.
so more people could drink
For me, it would.
Don't go snooping around.
I have better things to do
than snoop.
Like what?
You're triple-locked
in a trailer,
don't work.
and the TV
Damn.
Suddenly, I feel bad.
First 200 pages are slow,
but stick with it.
No, no, no, no.
I don't know why,
but I always end up dating guys
who treat me bad.
They're either abusers
or cross dressers.
are bad,
Not that all cross dressers
but the guy I dated...
he used to pee on me.
I don't know.
Maybe I just deserve guys
that treat me bad.
Hey, Marika,
you know that is not true.
that lifts all of us every day.
There is a goodness in you
Don't let the bad people
diminish the good in you.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm sorry, new friend,
d-do you disagree with
the counsel that I'm giving?
in a meeting?
Why the fuck are you drinking
Uh, we... we don't speak
at "decibel 10" in here, friend.
Um, we never like to go above
a five, actually.
What is wrong with you?!
Excuse me, sir,
could you back off?
to me.
with him drinking?
You're okay
He was talking
Judge not
lest ye judge yourself.
No, let's judge, okay?
You're a doormat.
Don't be.
Stop dating assholes
who pee on you.
You, stop drinking
in the middle of a meeting!
You're not supposed to do that.
Oh, don't dump your
liberal bullshit on me, okay?
about politics.
This isn't
I happen to know
what I'm talking about, okay?
I'm a leader myself.
Was a leader.
Was?
Uh, what'd, you get canned?
Now, what, because I took
a couple of personal days off,
I'm not a...
You... You abandoned
your group?
I didn't abandon anybody.
I-I-I left them
with the... the new guy.
Yeah, yeah, he's been sober
for like what, uh, two weeks?
More than him!
And you're judging me?
You know what?
I had my relapse
like six months ago.
And believe me,
the last thing I thought
I should do was to walk in here.
But then I realized,
to help myself,
if I don't have the strength
I might still have the strength
to help those who depend on me.
So, unlike you, Mr. Selfish,
I came to these meetings
because the word "abandon" is
not in my personal vocabulary.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Excuse me, uh......
would you mind
if I had a little...
just a skosh of the, uh...
I would love one.
Oh, you want a drink?
relapsed myself.
I just
by the way.
My name's Ben,
Russell.
What's going on?
Okay.
How you doing?
This will be good.
All right.
Ben.
Oh.
Here we go.
Mm.
We were driving forever,
and Mr. Selfish
Ben!
didn't want to stop...
Okay. All right.
Hey, cheers, huh?
everybody.
Good luck,
Oh, yeah, cheers.
♪ I'm on the highway ♪
♪ Heading out into chance ♪
♪ Gotta find my happiness ♪
♪ It's missing again ♪
♪ Following the river road ♪
♪ To the banks of Maurice ♪
♪ That's where I find it ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Oh, some people
got to get the juice ♪
♪ But I can't help it
if I get the blues ♪
♪ This way ♪
♪ Oh, this way ♪
I got to turn around... ♪
♪ Yeah, I know
You sure you got enough?
You still got six hours to go.
No, I know.
I was thinking the same thing,
but I don't want them
to get warm,
unless I get a cooler,
so, you know,
I thought it'd be smarter
to just pull over later
and get more.
I was kidding.
and rub them under your arms
Yeah, get those
every half an hour or so.
Rub them under yours.
Snappy comeback.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I want you to keep an eye
on him, yeah?
he's a grown-ass man.
Dude,
He can take care of himself.
And he goes,
"I'm just joking."
'Cause he thought
it was too many.
he doesn't piss on the floor
Just make sure
or wander into traffic.
License or no license,
I'm driving from now on.
Yeah.
All right.
Don't forget this one.
Beautiful!
Where is he?
Who?
Ben.
How should I know?
'Cause you're supposed to be
watching him!
Okay, assignment Nazi.
I had to go, too.
for like 20 minutes.
You were in there
So you didn't see where he went?
He's probably still in there.
He's not.
Check the bathroom.
I just came from the bathroom.
Jesus Christ.
Ben!
Ben?!
Oh.
Watch your step.
Okay, baby.
Oh, sweetie, come on.
all right.
Oh, mommy's gonna be
Love you, rascal.
Lay down.
Go to bed now.
How's Mom?
Why don't you ask her yourself?
'cause she's old, You think
she's not a human being?
Not a person?
No.
You looking at my scrapbook?
Oh, yeah.
I, uh...
It's mine.
What?
It's just pictures of you
hanging out with a buddy.
That wasn't just a buddy.
That's Ollie.
My sponsee.
And he's dead 'cause of me.
you can't blame yourself Cutter,
when... when someone else
decides to do...
whatever they're gonna do.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can.
trying to do the best I could,
I was always on his ass,
just like...
I do with you.
And then, one day,
he had a slip.
And I got so mad
'cause he didn't go
to a fuckin' meeting with me!
And then I said...
"You want it your way, big shot?"
Go ahead.
"Go ahead
and s-see where it gets you."
An hour later, I got the call.
Uh...
I got the call.
An hour later,
You did the best you could.
I mean...
you can't control
everything somebody does.
control what we do.
I mean, shit, we can't even
I could've did more.
What more could you
possibly have done?
You can't control someone
24 hours a day.
I mean, unless you...
to your trailer and...
handcuff someone
that's not the answer.
Sorry.
Hey, hey, hey,
I-it's okay.
At least I understand
why you're so extreme with me.
get you home.
We got to
R-Really?
You sure he's gone?
Positive.
We've been searching for him
for two hours.
But you said his car
is still here.
That's right.
Well, how could he be gone
if his car is still here?
Uh... I don't understand
the question, I guess,
but that's kind of my point.
That's how I know
something is wrong
and he's not.
is because his car is here
Maybe he hitchhiked somewhere.
Left you the keys
on the front tire.
People do that around here
all the time.
Why would he hitchhike
when he has a car?
I don't know.
Maybe he wanted
to get away from you
but he didn't want
to leave you in a lurch.
Did you check the front tire?
L-Look, he loves
that car, okay?
ever hitchhike somewhere
He would never,
and leave the car.
If he was trying to ditch us,
he would take the car,
and he would leave us
to hitchhike.
Well, he doesn't sound like much
of a friend if he'd do that.
if you find him?
So why do you care
No, because he Di...
That's a hypo...
He didn't do that, okay?
Look,
I'm... I'm really afraid
something bad has happened,
you know?
and passed out
Like he wandered into the woods
or he got hit by a truck
or something.
He'd been driving
for a bunch of hours,
and... and...
and he was pretty drunk
by the time we pulled over.
Wait a second.
Whoa, whoa.
You let your friend drive drunk?
Um, yeah,
I-I-I lost my license,
and so did she, so...
That's...
I ought to arrest you.
For being an enabler?
For what?
You can't arrest me for that.
Mm.
Touchy, sir.
Touchy.
"Touchy?"
"Touchy?"
Do you mean "touché"?
Yeah.
Home run, huh?
You crushed it, right?
"Crushed it"?
I didn't crush it.
No,
How was I supposed to crush it
when you had me
locked inside a trailer
when I should've
been preparing?!
It was a fucking disaster!
15 minutes to explain It took me
why I had dental floss
in my forehead!
You should've told them
it was an antiseptic.
An antiseptic!
That's great! Yeah, no!
Next time, I'll bring you in
Whoa, whoa!
so you can ruin my life
in front of everybody!
Whoa, whoa!
Don't bite my head off.
It's like you said
back at the trailer...
you can't control everything.
Everyone!
you can't control everyone.
I-I said
Things you can control,
like... like doing great
at a pitch meeting!
That's a controllable thing
if you have the fucking time
to prepare!
Oh, fuck!
Fried chicken, order up!
♪ You can lay down and die ♪
Ben, where the hell are you?!
- but I was kidnapped.
- Okay. Everything's fine,
What?
Yeah, the second
I walked out of the bathroom,
a guy ambushed me
and forced me into his car.
Okay.
Where are you?
I'll call the police.
No, no, no, no.
Look, that won't be necessary.
I got him talking about
his childhood and shit.
He feels really bad now.
I think he just wanted some
company driving to New Orleans.
You're in New Orleans?
I'm sorry. You're...
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, of all the places
this guy wanted to go,
New Orleans.
And, um, you know,
that maybe you're right.
it's got me thinking
You know,
maybe God is behind all this.
I don't... I-I-I'm not
following that at all.
Tell you what, man.
Why don't you just take my car,
to Seattle?
drive back
How am I gonna do that?
I don't have the keys.
I put them
on the front left tire.
Oh, for fuck's sake...
Yeah, Ben, listen, okay?
I'm coming to you, all right?
I'm on my way.
Just, uh, you got to do me
a favor, though, all right?
I need you
to talk to Memphis.
Me?
You... You want me
to talk to her?
Yeah, I... I...
Yeah.
You know, I need you to
grease the wheels a little bit.
Okay.
That sounds good.
Look, I got to go,
but you could probably...
Hello, Memphis.
Hello, Ben.
♪ Hey, babe,
you know it's true ♪
♪ I, I'm in love
with you, babe ♪
♪ But you're never ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ No, you're never gonna be ♪
on the avenue ♪
♪ Yeah, all the shotgun lovers
♪ Yes, it's true,
he's much too old for you ♪
♪ Babe, but you never ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ Never gonna be what I want ♪
♪ No, you're never gonna be ♪
♪ I know sometimes everyone
wants to be someone else ♪
.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII