Looking (2014–2015): Season 1, Episode 2 - Looking for Uncut - full transcript

I really don't wanna
overthink it,

-'cause you know how I can get.
-Yeah.

But I'm feeling pretty
excited about tonight.

You should at least
try to blow him this time.

What was I supposed
to do last time?

He was working.

And it's not like I was gonna do
it in the toilets of Esta Noche.

- Why not?
-Have you been in there?

It's not sexy at all.
It's disgusting.

Can you believe our little
brother is getting himself

- a cholo boyfriend?
- I know.



Oh, my God.
You're such a racist.

I can't be a racist.
I'm Latino.

You're from Coral Gables.

And who said anything
about a boyfriend?

Maybe I just wanna
get myself a fuckbuddy.

Wait, what?
Can you say that again,

but just a little slower
this time?

A... fuckbuddy.

Okay, that's never gonna happen.

You don't know.

This could be a new start
for me.

Hey, uh, you know
he'll probably be uncut

if he's a real Mexican.

- Okay.
-You prepared for that?



Prepared?
What's that supposed to mean?

You make it sound like
I should take an evening course.

Maybe, you should.

-I'm just--
-Hey, it's true.

I'm just saying. It's a whole
different ballgame down there.

You gotta-You gotta know
what you're doing.

Okay, you know what? Fuck you.
I hope that he is uncut.

I'm gonna get myself
a Mexican fuckbuddy,

whether you like it or not.

All right, we need to go.

Actually, hold up.

Oh, come on.
Such a princess.

I can't believe this is it.

Do we have time for
one last coffee at Philz?

- No.
-Please.

No.

This is the best decision
I have ever made, seriously.

- But you love it here.
-Not anymore.

This whole city is overrun
with overrated cupcakes,

kimchi tacos.

Plus, I'm gonna be able to get
more work done in Oakland.

Oh, my God. What was that?
What is that?

That's because this entire city
is to blame for your laziness.

- It's a little heavy back here.
-You don't know what I'm talking about.

I'll be able to get more done
without the distractions.

Oh, my God. I don't think
we're gonna make it up this hill.

DOM: We're gonna make it.
Just relax.

AGUSTIN: Plus, this whole thing is
about Frank and I being open

to new experiences, together.

By domesticating?

DOM: Would you call a three-way
an act of domesticity?

- Wait, what?
-Yeah, that's right.

Would you call a three-way
an act of domesticity?

Yeah, I heard you.
You guys had a three-way

and you didn't even tell me?

- Well, I'm telling you now.
-See, I told you we'd make it.

PATRICK: You had a three-way?

When did you guys
have a three-way?

Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, slow down.

- Put on the brakes!
- Hands up in the air!

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I don't know.
I feel like I could definitely

have a three-way,
but just with two strangers,

-not with a boyfriend.
-Well, why not?

Because I'd get jealous.
Does that make me a prude?

God, help me out, Dom.

Oh, I'm not getting into
this conversation again.

You two are never gonna agree.

You just gotta separate the two.
You know, sex and intimacy.

Sex is getting your cock sucked
or getting your ass licked,

but intimacy is something else.

I don't know,
getting your ass licked

sounds pretty intimate to me.

DOM: Oh, God, I forgot it was
a basement apartment.

It's so dark.

All relationships end up opening
in the end,

whether you like it or not.

So why not be honest about it,
instead of cheating?

- All of them? I don't think so.
-Oh, please.

My dad cheated on Mami
compulsively.

Frank's parents got divorced.

All of our friends
have fooled around.

Okay, but that doesn't mean all.
It just means everyone we know.

- Where do you want this?
-Oh, uh, back here.

- I never cheated on Jason.
-You didn't have time.

So you think he's right?

People usually cheat.
Guys are guys.

Guys are guys.

Okay, so does that mean
that you and Frank

are in an open relationship now?
Or you're just doing three-ways?

We're trying new things.
We'll see what happens.

All right, what if Frank
got done up the butt

by 20 hot muscle bears?
You'd be okay with that?

- Yeah.
-Really?

What if he's covered
in their cum,

and he loves every second of it,
more than he ever does with you,

like it's the best sex--
I'm serious--

Like it's the best sex
that he's ever had?

I would be fine.

You're so annoying.

And Frank is really okay
with all this?

Yeah, he is.

Oh, I forgot about this guy.

Where's he gonna go?

He's gonna go in the fireplace,
and I'm gonna burn him.

Oh, God.
I can't believe this is it.

Is it weird I feel weird
saying goodbye?

Listen, I just wanted to say
thank you for being a friend.

Traveled down the road
and back again...

Your heart is true.
You're a pal and a confidante.

And if you threw a party--

Will you ladies please just
finger fuck each other already,

- so we can get out of here?
-You know what? Cool your jets.

Get in the car, Rose.

- Daddy's in a mood.
-He is.

- Bye.
-Bye.

DOM: Enjoy Oakland.

- I give it three months.
-I give it five, maybe six.

When it all turns to shit,

I'm not moving
that fucker again.

-I'm way too old.
-I hear you.

Why are you so grumpy today?

I'm okay.

You seem a little more pissy
than usual.

What time is it?

12:23.

(SIGHS)

(SCRAPING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Can I just get a drip, please?
Thank you.

- Hello, Dominic.
-Hey. Wow.

Do you want something?
Coffee?

No, I'm, uh...

Gosh, it has been a longtime.

I don't do caffeine anymore.
But I'll have a Refresh.

Okay, sure.

What is that you're eating?

Oh, this is a Protein Box.

Looks good.

- Do you want one?
-Yes, please.

Okay, can we,
get a Refresh, please?

- You haven't changed.
-I doubt that.

I thought that you would,
but somehow you haven't.

So things are good then?

Yes, really good.
Really good.

Everyone talks about
the slow recovery,

but the market here
is through the roof.

- So that's good for us.
-That's-- That's great.

And we've got an office
opening in the city,

so I'm up from LA to oversee
the setup, which is...

I don't ever remember you
wanting to get into real estate.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh yeah, I wasn't--

Wasn't into much back then,
was I?

I mean, apart from...
fucking things up.

Well, you know, I'm pleased that
you've, figured things out.

I'm really glad that you called.

I've been thinking about you
for a long time.

(EXHALES NERVOUSLY)
Here it goes.

- You don't have to--
-No, I do.

I am so sorry that I made
your life a whole sack of shit.

I'm sorry
that I took advantage of you

and treated you like an asshole
when you weren't at all.

You don't--
You don't have to--

No, I have to say it.
I've grown.

I've-- I've let myself
be vulnerable.

I'm a better person now.

And it would make me very happy
if we could start again.

I--I really want us
to be friends.

(SCOFFS)

I thought that went really well.

I mean, it did, didn't it?

So tell me about you.

The last time we spoke,
which was eight years ago,

you were waiting tables
at Zuni and--and...

wanting to put a bomb
in the basement.

So what are you up to now?

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Oh, man, I love this.

I'm gonna put it
by the front door,

so everyone can see it.

Out of all the things
I've done,

-that's what you wanna put up?
-What do you mean?

It's cute. I love it.
Look at this guy.

Oh, my God. That is amazing.

- Right?
-So, can we?

- No.
-Why?

I did it when I was 17.
It's super ugly.

No, it's not. it's a unicorn
with a cock inside.

It's fuckin' awesome.

Please.

Nope.

Pretty please?

You can kiss me all you want,
I'm not gonna put it up.

I like it.

(TYPING)

(SIGHS)

(KNOCKING)

Well, that was fast.

I'm feeling horny as hell.

Okay then, come in.

How old are you again?

Twenty-eight.
Your apartment is super nice.

Do you live by yourself?

No. Down here.

Are you alone, though?

You don't have any kids
or anything, do you?

What? No. Jesus.

The last person I Grindr'd

had kids staying in the room
next door. So weird.

Oh, shit.
Oh, I love your view.

It's so much better than mine.
I'm like five floors down.

You live in the same building?

I can't see anything
but dumpsters.

- Do you have a spare room?
-You're not moving in.

Yeah, that would be crazy,
wouldn't it?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

(GROANING)

(GASPING)

Oh, fuck.

(assume)

Hello.

Hi.

You look good.

- So do you.
-Thanks.

You're not wearing your hat.

No.

Go Giants!

You want me to go back
and put it on?

- No, no. No, no, no.
- I can do that.

- No, I don't want you to go.
- You sure?

- Yeah, you look great...
- Thank you.

...without the hat.

- Should we go in?
- Sure. ls this it?

Yeah, I hope this was
an okay place to choose.

I heard good things about it,
but I've never been.

Let's go check it out.

So I have three sisters
and a brother.

Okay. Awesome.

And lots of nieces and nephews,
and like 100 cousins.

And are they all--They all
are from, like, here?

- San Francisco?
-Sure.

Well, no.
Some of them are from...

south of the city.
Some are in San Jose.

I have some family
in Texas and Mexico.

Mexico, nice.
I've never been to Mexico.

- No?
-Yeah. I've always wanted to go.

I've been to Cabo, though.
Does that count?

- Oh. Not really, no.
-No?

(CHUCKLING)

How about your family?
Are you gonna tell me about them?

We wouldn't wanna talk about
my family.

It's not very sexy.
What's this?

What's this?

Is that Jesus?

Yeah, that's Jesus.
It's Mary on the other side.

Oh, wow.

You like it?

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know
it was religiousy when--

Yeah, it's cool.

(HEAVY ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYS)

Cheers.
Two more beers.

I'm gonna get you drunk tonight.

- Oh yeah?
-Yeah, it's gonna happen.

Cheers.
I love this song.

I don't know--

I don't know who it is,
but I love that beat.

So...anyway, what I was saying

was that people like getting
their haircuts, right?

- I love it.
-You get to hear their stories,

and learn about their lives,
right?

- So nice. Yeah.
-I like that.

You can learn a lot about
a person in 30 minutes.

It's amazing.

Thirty minutes
is a quick haircut.

Maybe Latin hair
is easier to cut.

Why is that?

Ay, chiquito.
You're a funny guy.

You're a funny guy.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I messed up your...

Maybe we should go
somewhere else.

I mean, we could stay
here if you want, but...

Or, uh...

we could just
go back to my place.

Maybe let's go
somewhere else first.

Yeah, that's a--
That's a good--

Why is he taking a shower?
What did you do to him?

Am I gonna have
to buy Clorox again?

No.

MAN ( HIGH-PITCHED SINGING):
I'll try defying gravity...

(LAUGHING)

Oh, my fucking God.
Oh, my God.

Did you fuck the pain away
with the cast of "Wicked"?

There's a flying monkey boy
in my shower.

Oh, my God, I love him.

- Oh, I think I really do love him.
-Stop it.

(DOOR CLOSES)

He's so teeny.
Teeny, tiny little gumdrop.

I hope that egg makes you puke.

I--I actually hope it does too.

(DOM SIGHS)

God, I'm such a cliché.

You mean how you dress?
It's not that bad.

Thinking that sex
will make me feel better.

I mean, it does, but still.

Listen,
I get why you called Ethan.

I totally do.

And I get why you
went to go see him.

I understand it's your process,
but, oh, my God!

I so wish I had been there,
so I could neck-punch that dude.

You'd hate him even more.
He's become so LA.

He drinks Refresh tea.

Okay, somebody's gonna get
another neck punch.

That is so annoying to me.

Especially if he orders it
as "Refresh."

No, he made me order it.

So, did you ask
for the money back?

No.

Why not?

I paid for his fucking
Protein Box, too.

Oh, God.

That it depressing.

My dirty sock make you feel
better if I go like that?

Fucker.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
You know, it's like, my friends think

I'm this, like,
boy from Colorado

that just is fresh off the bus.

- Oh, you're from Colorado?
-But I'm not.

I'm not that guy.

I like--I have had sex before,
you know?

Like, I can--l can do it.

- I will do it.
-Okay.

I could-- I could do it
right now in the toilet.

You wanna dance?
Maybe we should dance.

- Really?
-Yeah! I love this place.

Can I--Can I buy you a shot?

All right, thank you.

What's this, a tattoo?

Yeah, mamita.

Dude,
that's my grandmother's name!

- Really?
-Cheers! To Dolores!

(POP SONG PLAYS)

Whoa!

All right, let's dance.
You ready to dance?

Here we go, here we go.

We're dancing.

“Bigger and I'm stronger.
(CHUCKLING)

- I will always--
Bigger, yes.

Okay, you need to sashay away.

Next!

Oh, I'm gonna have
the last slice.

Hey, we should go out more
now that I live here.

Oh, you wanna go out?

No, I'm just saying, you know,
I'm excited to be in Oakland.

Hey, we can go out.
We can go to a club.

Tara's band is playing tonight.
You wanna do that?

I mean, we can just
stay in sometimes, you know?

I know.

If you want, we could just check
in someplace cool on Facebook

so your city friends
know that you're not dead.

(CHUCKLING)

Let's stay in.

MAN (ON TV): Came back when you've
fucked off some of this baby fat.

(assume)

A LITTLE RESPECT
BY ERASURE PLAYS)

This is it.
This is my home sweet home.

- Come on in.
-Wow.

My roommate actually
just moved out today,

which is super good,
because I've been--

-I've been needing my own space.
-It's nice.

Yeah, we came here, right
after college eight years ago,

which was like--
Well, it was eight years ago.

This is Agustin's old room,
currently unoccupied.

And this room is my room.

Which, we--

Do you wanna go in there?

-It's big.
-Or I could also cook something.

I could do
my ultimate mac and cheese,

which is my mom's recipe.

And it's really, really delicious
if you're feeling hungry.

I don't know.
I have work in the morning.

- I shouldn't stay out late.
- Okay, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Here.
We could go in here, right?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Shall we?
- I'm still with my clients.

-It's fine.
-It won't take long.

Okay.

What's on your mind?

I wanna thank you
for meeting me today.

- Okay.
- It really helped me..-...

...realize something.
- I'm so glad.

I thought about you a lot
over the years.

I thought about you, too.

Just stop.
It's my turn to talk now.

- All right?
- Okay.

The thing I realized...

...is that you didn't deserve
any of that time,

not a single fucking minute.

And I'm just pissed that
I didn't get that before.

Can we not do this here?
My clients are--

I'm sorry. It won't take long.

I really don't have
anything else to say,

except I want my 8,000 back
with ten years of interest.

Excuse me?

And what I paid for
the peppermint fucking tea

-and the Protein Box.
-Are you fucking with me?

No, I'm not fucking with you.
I gave you that money...

...and it was a lot of money
to me back then.

And I had plans
and you know that.

Right, your plans.

You do know that it takes
more than $8,000

to open a restaurant, right?

Oh, fuck you.
That's not important.

And you didn't lend me
that money.

You gave it to me to get sober,
and I'm grateful for that.

Are you?

But you made that choice,
didn't you?

You did.

You really still are an asshole.

You know you can--You can think
of me whatever you want,

and I can't change that.

But you can't blame me.
You can only blame yourself.

That's what I've learned
on my journey.

And I wish you the best
on yours, okay?

Hey, hey, hey.
You fuck your journey,

and your wish can suck my dick.

I'm sorry.

He'll screw you over, you know?

Once a meth-head motherfucker,
always a meth-head motherfucker.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Oh, fucking belt.

Jesus, motherfucker.

(GROANS)

Okay, these pants
are coming off.

God, you wear tight jeans.
Motherfucker!

- Jesus Christ!
-(GIGGLING)

Oh...

- What?
-What?

You can't just say "Oh,"
and then say nothing.

It's nothing,
it's nothing.

- I just-- No.
-What?

(BOTH GIGGLE)
You just what?

Nothing.
I just thought that...

- What's the matter?
-I just thought that,

you know,
maybe you might be uncut.

Okay.

Yeah.

- You sound disappointed.
- I'm a little disappointed.

I'm completely kidding.

I'm a sucker for cleanliness,
so this is actually much better.

(GROANING)

- Wow, man.
-What?

You got me trippin'.

- Trippin? No, don't trip.
- This is weird.

No, no, no! Listen,
it's just my stupid friends.

And the Internet.

What?

They made me look
at pictures on the Internet.

You know,
but it's not a big deal.

I think...

Yeah?

What?

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

No.

No, are-- Are you serious?

Yeah, I think we're looking
for different things.

It's no big deal.
It's cool.

Don't worry about it.
Don't sweat it.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

Hello?

Okay, so that didn't go well.

AGUSTIN: Well, what did you do?

Well, everything was
going fine until...

I acted like all I wanted to do
was suck on his uncut cock,

which, it turns out,
he doesn't even actually have.

I think I may be a racist
as well.

Oh, shit.
That's not good at all.

It's terrible.

I don't know what the fuck
is wrong with me.

It's like...
he's a really good guy,

but we get together,

and I just start acting
like a fuckin' crazy person.

(AGUSTIN CHUCKLES)

No, no, no, okay, okay,
I'm sorry.

I don't mean to laugh at you,
sorry.

No, that's okay.
Oh, thanks for the--

Thanks for the graffiti
on my wall, by the way.

Well, it's the end of an era.

(CHUCKLES)

It is. It really is.

I really like it.
I think I'm gonna keep it.

Good, good. man. I'm glad.
I meant it.

I know you did.

What are you eating?

Hmm?

You're eating something weird.
What is that?

I'm just having a salad.

Kale salad.

With chicken.

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Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)