Look (2010): Season 1, Episode 9 - Episode #1.9 - full transcript
(static buzzing)
- [Narrator] Previously on Look.
- Open the goddamn window.
Sir, have you been drinkin' tonight?
- [Ivan] No, no.
- What the fuck?
Jesus Christ.
Come over here.
Ivan, hi Ivan.
Uncuff him.
- What do you mean uncuff him?
- He's a Russian diplomat.
- [Ivan] That's right bitch.
- Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me.
- I do know that I didn't do
anything illegal on purpose
and I just threw on my
dress over these things
not realizing they were still on.
- You have over $500
worth of merchandise here.
- [Mrs. Gerber] I will suck it
'til your head caves in, baby.
- Mrs. Gerber, I'm a happily married man.
- Oh fuck you, fuck you!
- They have no legal right
to hold you against your will
so what I'd suggest that
you do is leave the clothes
that you forgot to take
off and just walk out.
- Mrs. Gerber!
- Excuse me please.
- You cannot leave!
(suspenseful music)
- Okay, let's take a look
at the seven day forecast.
- Play hip hop music
over the weather segment
from now on for fuck's sake.
- They go whoo, like
that, way back, you know.
Anyway, where were we?
- When are you coming home?
- I don't know what to tell ya Stella.
I have to work late.
- Hey, you ain't dumpin' me
motherfucker, I'm dumpin' you.
- Good riddance.
- As your boss, I'm requiring
you to drink with me tonight.
- [Dan] All right, I can't stay out
too late though, my daughter's home alone.
♪ Everybody here wants to fuck you ♪
(cars whooshing)
(machine beeps)
- Oh shit, someone's just rolled up.
- [Blonde Woman] So, take the order.
- Right here while you're (grunts).
- [Blonde Woman] I'm your
manager and I'm telling you
to take the order.
- Welcome to Fantastic Burger.
May I take your order please?
- Yeah, can I have a cheese
burger with curly fries
and a large diet Coke?
- Anything else?
- No thank you.
- [Man In Blue Hat] Please pull forward.
(man groans)
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm sorry, it's
just a Charlie horse,
I'm sorry about that.
You're a freak.
- You know it, baby.
My turn!
(suspenseful music)
- One, two, three, go!
- Yeah, oh shit!
One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
♪ Come on ♪
- [Shane] Show 'em, show 'em.
- You could put some money down my shirt.
- Am I getting up or are you gonna come?
You're gonna come here with me.
You're gonna come here with me now.
(woman shrieking)
- Oh fuck, are you serious?
- Hannah, you're so gross!
- [Shane] Hannah, you little fuckin' slut.
♪ Everybody here wants to fuck you. ♪
♪ Everybody here wants to fuck you ♪
- Okay, I'm going to the bathroom.
We're goin' to the bathroom,
everybody going to bathroom.
- Hurry back.
- We're going to the bathroom, yes, yes!
(women laughing)
Here, take this, take this.
- What is it?
- Ecstasy.
- Isn't that a little 90s?
- Feeling good never goes outta style.
I'm gonna loosen you up
tonight once and for all.
Tonight is the night you're
gonna lose your virginity.
Open up.
♪ Fuck you so hard like
a fuckin' earthquake ♪
♪ Fuck you so hard ♪
Lemme see.
♪ Your backboard breaks ♪
(woman cheers)
(suspenseful music)
(electricity buzzing)
(man whistles)
(man yawns)
(man laughs)
- What's up dog?
Chillin' man, how you been?
- I been all right, man.
What's goin' on with you?
- Same, you know, new day.
Looking good man, you
been liftin' or somethin'.
What you eatin'?
- I get to the gym when I can
and speakin' of eatin' man,
looks like you been goin'
heavy on them fajitas.
- Lemme tell ya dog, I've been rockin'
this little senorita bitch,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Been gettin' busy homeboy.
Hell yeah, I be fuckin' her and shit
and I'm just like grindin'
this bitch every day.
She got front, side, back,
the whole motherfuckin' shit.
And when we done fuckin', I'm like what up
with them chimichangas, girl?
You know what I'm sayin'?
But it's funny, dog,
lemme tell you though.
She be grindin' her
corn all naked and shit
all up on that counter.
I just be like, yo,
I'll be workin' my shit,
but this bitch can cook, yo, from scratch!
I be eatin' though, I be
eatin' like a motherfucker.
- So first you tap the snatch
and then she cooks from scratch.
I love your life, man.
- Right, so what about you dog?
You bangin' any new bitches or what?
(man grunting)
- Yes I am man, as a matter of fact.
I have got this fuckin' rich
bitch married fuckin' chick
from Beverly Hills
that's got fuckin' faker
than Michael Jackson, I mean fake hair,
fake teeth, fake breasteses,
fake ass probably.
I mean this fuckin' chick
is like one them (scoffs),
them desperate house bitches on TV man.
- Oh, right, right.
- She's a fuckin'.
What a fuckin' hooker but
I'm havin' a time, man.
(bright music)
(people chattering)
- Murphy, don't chew with your mouth full.
- [Blonde Boy] Mom, he's gotta chew.
- I meant don't talk with
his mouth full, wise guy.
You know what I meant don't you?
- [Murphy] No!
- [Blonde Boy] Daddy, can I have dessert.
- Eat one whole piece of pizza, okay?
Come on, eat it buddy and then
you can go play some games.
- You know straight up, man,
them Beverly Hill bitches,
they stuck the fuck up.
You know that right?
- She's got this husband.
Like this high-powered
attorney who has no idea
that some guy is fuckin' bangin' his wife
all over the fuckin'
living room furniture.
She's a fuckin' whore man.
- Right, right, what about the kids, man?
What's up with that?
- Oh, these fuckin' kids, man, I mean.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Look, first of all she's
got a rock on her hand
as big as my left nut
and these kids have
absolutely no fuckin' respect.
I mean, I'd like to fuckin' back hand 'em
across the fuckin' floor.
That's what I'd like to do, man.
- So basically, mom is a
motherfuckin' whore, huh?
That's what you're gettin' at.
- She's like an ATM machine, man.
I mean, her husband never fucks her
and every time I fuck
her, money comes out.
It's fuckin' brilliant.
I fuckin' love it.
- You just bein' a good
citizen, I feel you man.
It's like instead of Little
League puttin' your pin in her
you're like puttin' your pin in her.
That's right.
- I ain't mad, though.
- ATM, you a fool man.
- As long as she keeps that money comin',
I'm gonna keep her comin' man.
But listen, I got other
bitches on the side man,
I'm cool, I'm over that.
- Right, right.
I feel you, heard that man, I heard that.
(upbeat music)
- Oh my god, Hannah!
- Oh, she's got me.
Yeah!
I can do it like that.
Oh, you likey, likey,
you likey me drunkey me
taking me clothes off.
- [Shane] Oh, take it off.
- Oh, I'm stuck in my clothes!
- [Shane] Oh fuck.
- Not a big deal, for not a big boy.
Not even worried about it.
- Hey, what's the matter with you?
You know you gotta work
here to come up on stage.
- Fuck that, no fuck that, come on.
She's makin' more money
than the fuckin' strippers.
- Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.
- No, you gotta get off the stage.
- [Shane] She's makin' more
money than the other girls.
Dude, you gotta.
Back, oh you guys, are we leaving?
- I think we all are going.
(tape screeching)
- Bitch!
- What did you?
- Hey you guys, you guys,
hold up, hold up, hold up.
You guys, I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret, okay?
- What the fuck?
- What?
- Look what I got here.
(man groans)
- Oh my God!
- Paint balls, oh my God.
You guys are the ones that shot my dad?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
(guns popping)
- I love it!
Are you kidding me?
- Let's go have some fun.
- [Molly] I don't know, I don't know guys.
- [Shane] Come on.
- Molly, don't be such a bitch.
Let's fucking go, are you kidding me?
(tape screeching)
- [Dan] A strip club?
I don't know Andy, I
don't know that this place
is so good for my image, place like this.
- [Andy] Dan, lighten up man.
Thanks to the internet, the
adult entertainment industry's
been completely legitimized.
- [Dan] Really?
- Willie.
Willie!
(fingers snapping)
Jeez, whoa, Willie.
I'm here for you, Willie, my friend.
I'm here for you, Willie!
I'm here, I know your
broken heart is breaking.
♪ Willie, the sun will shine again ♪
♪ The sun will shine for you my friend ♪
Hey Willie, hey Willie, hey Willie,
hey Willie, hey Willie, Willie, Willie.
My name is Willie and I'm
drownin' in my own misery.
(man grunting)
I come to save the day.
I want to suck your blood.
(man laughing)
Jesus Willie, get a
fuckin' sense of humor.
I mean, I can't believe you're gonna let
this chick fuck you up like this.
- It's called heartbreak, Carl.
Every poet, painter, author, musician,
fuckin' photographer, have
spent their careers tryin'
to dissect this intangible
torture called heartbreak.
- Yeah, so you write a song about it.
- Maybe.
(intense music)
(people screaming)
(paintball gun popping)
- [Diner] Fuck you, bitch!
(people laughing)
- And he was like oh my God!
- He was like (yells).
- [Hannah] That was hysterical.
- I don't this it was hysterical.
- I don't think it's hysterical.
You gonna go to church now, pussy?
- Temple, bitch.
♪ Good, even though I shouldn't ♪
♪ I'm chillin' so hard, couldn't
tell you where the hood is ♪
♪ I'm lookin' like a million
bucks sucka I'm sorry ♪
♪ Jeep so clean might
as well be a Ferrari ♪
- All right, so I have
one vodka cranberry,
one seven seven, two screaming orgasms,
and a Harvey Wallbanger?
- Yes.
- Jesus Christ, Dan,
didn't Harvey Wallbangers
go out in the 50s.
- It was my father's drink of choice
and when I happen to partake in spirits
which is not very often,
it's my drink of choice as well.
- I'm sorry but before I go,
can I get my picture with you please?
Sorry.
- I thought you'd never ask.
For cryin' out loud.
♪ Feelin' great 'cause I
just ate a hot bowl of pho ♪
Oh, look at those gorgeous eyes.
Yours are pretty too.
(woman laughs)
- Oh my God, I'm gonna email
this to my grandmother.
She loves you.
- You have to!
- [Waitress] She absolutely loves you.
- [Dan] Oh thank you, thank you,
tell her I love her too okay?
- [Waitress] Okay.
(car rumbling)
- [Blonde Woman] Welcome
to Fantastic Burger.
May I take your order?
- Yeah, gimme a cheeseburger, curly fries,
and a Sprite.
- That's be 5.29.
Please pull forward.
(woman gasping)
- [Taxi Driver] Hey,
you all alone in there?
- [Blonde Woman] Get outta here!
- [Man In Blue Cap] What's that about?
- That guy gave me a creepy vibe.
- Andy, what do you say one more
and then we hit the dusty trail?
- What, no, no, no, no,
no, no, we just got here.
- How old are you?
- 18.
- 18, how bout you?
- [Brunette Dancer] 18.
- 18 right, just a hunch.
They're just barely
older than my daughter.
Do your parents know you work here?
- Dan, what is this?
An inquisition?
Relax, relax, have a good time.
Look, hey, I wanna introduce
you to somebody cool.
Harmonic, come on, I want
you to meet a big, big star.
Big, big star over here.
(woman screams)
- Oh my God, it's Dan the weather man!
- In the polyester!
- [Andy] Yeah it is.
- I am a huge fan.
- [Dan] Oh thank you.
- Seriously, we have
stars in here all the time
and I never get starstruck.
Yeah, Kid Rock was just
in here the other night
and I could give two shits.
Look at my hands, I'm actually shaking.
- Well, I have that effect women.
I'm told I have a face
that induces seizures.
- It would be my honor to give you
a complimentary lap dance.
- Oh, I don't think so.
- Dan, don't be a fuddy duddy.
Let the girl give ya a dance.
- Yeah, come on, Dan!
On the house.
- Oh I've never had a lap dance before
and I don't feel like, I don't.
- Hey, hey, hey, what are you, Monk?
It's a strip joint.
She's a stripper.
What are you talking about?
Don't insult the girl
when she's offering you
such a generous gift.
Let her give you the gift Dan.
- I want to, I want to.
- Oh, okay, okay.
- There you go, there you
go, that's what I'm sayin'.
Here we go, we'll drink to you.
- [Dan] Here we go.
- Have a good time, big guy.
- Wish me luck.
- To Dan!
Here we go.
- [Dan] Okay
- [Harmonic] I am so excited!
Oh my God.
- So, we gonna do this thing or what man?
- Come on man, can a frog jump?
You know what I'm sayin'.
Lemme show you some shit,
dog, that's what's up.
Booyah!
- Fuck yeah man.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Lemme have a little bite would ya?
- Ah, don't even feel bad,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Anything for my clients.
Get a little somethin', somethin'.
Just give you a little sniff right now.
Just a little taste.
- Oh, that's fuckin' good shit, man.
- Yeah, come on, this is Class A.
That's what I'm talkin' about dog.
- Thanks bro.
- Hey you be careful too out there, man.
You know what I'm sayin'?
You never know who you could
trust, you know what I mean?
Got a lotta crooked motherfuckers dog.
- All right man, it's
all there, we all there.
I gots to go man.
- All right, cool, hey, hey, hey,
there's just one more
thing I wanted to tell you
right quick, you know what I'm sayin'?
You're under arrest for the procurement
of a Class A narcotic with
the intent to distribute.
(people grunting)
Get him down!
Get him down, get him down!
Get him down!
All right you big motherfucker.
That's right, bitch.
- All right, all right.
- That's right.
- Fuck it, all right.
- That's right, huh?
Get his fuckin' hands
behind him right now.
- [Officer] Get your hands back!
- Let's go, get your fuckin' hands back.
- Get his fuckin' ass outta my face.
- Get the zip ties man.
- Quit movin' motherfucker!
- Lock this bitch up, man.
- [Officer] Fuckin' big motherfucker.
(metal clangs)
- Good work, good work.
Good work.
Good work, good work.
(peaceful music)
Good work, good work gentlemen.
♪ The rooster crows ♪
♪ Before the dawn ♪
♪ Morning's voice I know ♪
♪ Call the dark ♪
♪ And I, we're in our home ♪
♪ And fortunate by the string ♪
♪ We've spent our days in love ♪
♪ For our evenin's set in ♪
- Love is like a disease.
You're livin' life, you
know, you're pretty healthy
then you meet the chick.
She's got the fuckin' bug, man.
She's infected.
You try not to get it
but it's fuckin' airborne man.
Gets in your ears, your eyes, your nose,
then it goes through your fuckin' heart
and it starts to eat away at it.
You can get rid of it man,
but once your fuckin' heart gets it,
it needs it to survive and if it dies,
the heard dies with it.
- I gotta take a dump.
Keys?
Why are these fuckin' things
always attached to a ruler?
What, am I supposed to
measure my goddamn dick
while I'm in there?
So you're gonna be all right
if I'm out for a second to,
you ain't gonna take
your own life, is you?
- I can't promise anything.
- [Carl] All right.
(melancholy music)
♪ Willie's broken heart ♪
♪ Lonelier than light bulbs in the dark ♪
♪ Amanda broke his heart ♪
♪ Anyone can see that she is moonlight ♪
♪ Waterfalls at midnight ♪
♪ Rainbows on ♪
♪ River rocks in morning sun ♪
♪ Saw Amanda in the park ♪
♪ With another man holding her tight ♪
♪ The teardrops fill his eyes ♪
♪ 'Cause anyone can see
that she is moonlight on ♪
♪ Waterfalls at midnight ♪
♪ Rainbows on ♪
♪ River rocks in morning sun ♪
♪ But what about Willie's heart ♪
♪ But what about Willie's heart ♪
♪ But what about Willie's heart ♪
♪ But what about Willie ♪
♪ She's moonlight on ♪
♪ Waterfalls at midnight ♪
♪ Rainbows on ♪
♪ River rocks in morning sun ♪
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Previously on Look.
- Open the goddamn window.
Sir, have you been drinkin' tonight?
- [Ivan] No, no.
- What the fuck?
Jesus Christ.
Come over here.
Ivan, hi Ivan.
Uncuff him.
- What do you mean uncuff him?
- He's a Russian diplomat.
- [Ivan] That's right bitch.
- Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me.
- I do know that I didn't do
anything illegal on purpose
and I just threw on my
dress over these things
not realizing they were still on.
- You have over $500
worth of merchandise here.
- [Mrs. Gerber] I will suck it
'til your head caves in, baby.
- Mrs. Gerber, I'm a happily married man.
- Oh fuck you, fuck you!
- They have no legal right
to hold you against your will
so what I'd suggest that
you do is leave the clothes
that you forgot to take
off and just walk out.
- Mrs. Gerber!
- Excuse me please.
- You cannot leave!
(suspenseful music)
- Okay, let's take a look
at the seven day forecast.
- Play hip hop music
over the weather segment
from now on for fuck's sake.
- They go whoo, like
that, way back, you know.
Anyway, where were we?
- When are you coming home?
- I don't know what to tell ya Stella.
I have to work late.
- Hey, you ain't dumpin' me
motherfucker, I'm dumpin' you.
- Good riddance.
- As your boss, I'm requiring
you to drink with me tonight.
- [Dan] All right, I can't stay out
too late though, my daughter's home alone.
♪ Everybody here wants to fuck you ♪
(cars whooshing)
(machine beeps)
- Oh shit, someone's just rolled up.
- [Blonde Woman] So, take the order.
- Right here while you're (grunts).
- [Blonde Woman] I'm your
manager and I'm telling you
to take the order.
- Welcome to Fantastic Burger.
May I take your order please?
- Yeah, can I have a cheese
burger with curly fries
and a large diet Coke?
- Anything else?
- No thank you.
- [Man In Blue Hat] Please pull forward.
(man groans)
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm sorry, it's
just a Charlie horse,
I'm sorry about that.
You're a freak.
- You know it, baby.
My turn!
(suspenseful music)
- One, two, three, go!
- Yeah, oh shit!
One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
♪ Come on ♪
- [Shane] Show 'em, show 'em.
- You could put some money down my shirt.
- Am I getting up or are you gonna come?
You're gonna come here with me.
You're gonna come here with me now.
(woman shrieking)
- Oh fuck, are you serious?
- Hannah, you're so gross!
- [Shane] Hannah, you little fuckin' slut.
♪ Everybody here wants to fuck you. ♪
♪ Everybody here wants to fuck you ♪
- Okay, I'm going to the bathroom.
We're goin' to the bathroom,
everybody going to bathroom.
- Hurry back.
- We're going to the bathroom, yes, yes!
(women laughing)
Here, take this, take this.
- What is it?
- Ecstasy.
- Isn't that a little 90s?
- Feeling good never goes outta style.
I'm gonna loosen you up
tonight once and for all.
Tonight is the night you're
gonna lose your virginity.
Open up.
♪ Fuck you so hard like
a fuckin' earthquake ♪
♪ Fuck you so hard ♪
Lemme see.
♪ Your backboard breaks ♪
(woman cheers)
(suspenseful music)
(electricity buzzing)
(man whistles)
(man yawns)
(man laughs)
- What's up dog?
Chillin' man, how you been?
- I been all right, man.
What's goin' on with you?
- Same, you know, new day.
Looking good man, you
been liftin' or somethin'.
What you eatin'?
- I get to the gym when I can
and speakin' of eatin' man,
looks like you been goin'
heavy on them fajitas.
- Lemme tell ya dog, I've been rockin'
this little senorita bitch,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Been gettin' busy homeboy.
Hell yeah, I be fuckin' her and shit
and I'm just like grindin'
this bitch every day.
She got front, side, back,
the whole motherfuckin' shit.
And when we done fuckin', I'm like what up
with them chimichangas, girl?
You know what I'm sayin'?
But it's funny, dog,
lemme tell you though.
She be grindin' her
corn all naked and shit
all up on that counter.
I just be like, yo,
I'll be workin' my shit,
but this bitch can cook, yo, from scratch!
I be eatin' though, I be
eatin' like a motherfucker.
- So first you tap the snatch
and then she cooks from scratch.
I love your life, man.
- Right, so what about you dog?
You bangin' any new bitches or what?
(man grunting)
- Yes I am man, as a matter of fact.
I have got this fuckin' rich
bitch married fuckin' chick
from Beverly Hills
that's got fuckin' faker
than Michael Jackson, I mean fake hair,
fake teeth, fake breasteses,
fake ass probably.
I mean this fuckin' chick
is like one them (scoffs),
them desperate house bitches on TV man.
- Oh, right, right.
- She's a fuckin'.
What a fuckin' hooker but
I'm havin' a time, man.
(bright music)
(people chattering)
- Murphy, don't chew with your mouth full.
- [Blonde Boy] Mom, he's gotta chew.
- I meant don't talk with
his mouth full, wise guy.
You know what I meant don't you?
- [Murphy] No!
- [Blonde Boy] Daddy, can I have dessert.
- Eat one whole piece of pizza, okay?
Come on, eat it buddy and then
you can go play some games.
- You know straight up, man,
them Beverly Hill bitches,
they stuck the fuck up.
You know that right?
- She's got this husband.
Like this high-powered
attorney who has no idea
that some guy is fuckin' bangin' his wife
all over the fuckin'
living room furniture.
She's a fuckin' whore man.
- Right, right, what about the kids, man?
What's up with that?
- Oh, these fuckin' kids, man, I mean.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Look, first of all she's
got a rock on her hand
as big as my left nut
and these kids have
absolutely no fuckin' respect.
I mean, I'd like to fuckin' back hand 'em
across the fuckin' floor.
That's what I'd like to do, man.
- So basically, mom is a
motherfuckin' whore, huh?
That's what you're gettin' at.
- She's like an ATM machine, man.
I mean, her husband never fucks her
and every time I fuck
her, money comes out.
It's fuckin' brilliant.
I fuckin' love it.
- You just bein' a good
citizen, I feel you man.
It's like instead of Little
League puttin' your pin in her
you're like puttin' your pin in her.
That's right.
- I ain't mad, though.
- ATM, you a fool man.
- As long as she keeps that money comin',
I'm gonna keep her comin' man.
But listen, I got other
bitches on the side man,
I'm cool, I'm over that.
- Right, right.
I feel you, heard that man, I heard that.
(upbeat music)
- Oh my god, Hannah!
- Oh, she's got me.
Yeah!
I can do it like that.
Oh, you likey, likey,
you likey me drunkey me
taking me clothes off.
- [Shane] Oh, take it off.
- Oh, I'm stuck in my clothes!
- [Shane] Oh fuck.
- Not a big deal, for not a big boy.
Not even worried about it.
- Hey, what's the matter with you?
You know you gotta work
here to come up on stage.
- Fuck that, no fuck that, come on.
She's makin' more money
than the fuckin' strippers.
- Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.
- No, you gotta get off the stage.
- [Shane] She's makin' more
money than the other girls.
Dude, you gotta.
Back, oh you guys, are we leaving?
- I think we all are going.
(tape screeching)
- Bitch!
- What did you?
- Hey you guys, you guys,
hold up, hold up, hold up.
You guys, I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret, okay?
- What the fuck?
- What?
- Look what I got here.
(man groans)
- Oh my God!
- Paint balls, oh my God.
You guys are the ones that shot my dad?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
(guns popping)
- I love it!
Are you kidding me?
- Let's go have some fun.
- [Molly] I don't know, I don't know guys.
- [Shane] Come on.
- Molly, don't be such a bitch.
Let's fucking go, are you kidding me?
(tape screeching)
- [Dan] A strip club?
I don't know Andy, I
don't know that this place
is so good for my image, place like this.
- [Andy] Dan, lighten up man.
Thanks to the internet, the
adult entertainment industry's
been completely legitimized.
- [Dan] Really?
- Willie.
Willie!
(fingers snapping)
Jeez, whoa, Willie.
I'm here for you, Willie, my friend.
I'm here for you, Willie!
I'm here, I know your
broken heart is breaking.
♪ Willie, the sun will shine again ♪
♪ The sun will shine for you my friend ♪
Hey Willie, hey Willie, hey Willie,
hey Willie, hey Willie, Willie, Willie.
My name is Willie and I'm
drownin' in my own misery.
(man grunting)
I come to save the day.
I want to suck your blood.
(man laughing)
Jesus Willie, get a
fuckin' sense of humor.
I mean, I can't believe you're gonna let
this chick fuck you up like this.
- It's called heartbreak, Carl.
Every poet, painter, author, musician,
fuckin' photographer, have
spent their careers tryin'
to dissect this intangible
torture called heartbreak.
- Yeah, so you write a song about it.
- Maybe.
(intense music)
(people screaming)
(paintball gun popping)
- [Diner] Fuck you, bitch!
(people laughing)
- And he was like oh my God!
- He was like (yells).
- [Hannah] That was hysterical.
- I don't this it was hysterical.
- I don't think it's hysterical.
You gonna go to church now, pussy?
- Temple, bitch.
♪ Good, even though I shouldn't ♪
♪ I'm chillin' so hard, couldn't
tell you where the hood is ♪
♪ I'm lookin' like a million
bucks sucka I'm sorry ♪
♪ Jeep so clean might
as well be a Ferrari ♪
- All right, so I have
one vodka cranberry,
one seven seven, two screaming orgasms,
and a Harvey Wallbanger?
- Yes.
- Jesus Christ, Dan,
didn't Harvey Wallbangers
go out in the 50s.
- It was my father's drink of choice
and when I happen to partake in spirits
which is not very often,
it's my drink of choice as well.
- I'm sorry but before I go,
can I get my picture with you please?
Sorry.
- I thought you'd never ask.
For cryin' out loud.
♪ Feelin' great 'cause I
just ate a hot bowl of pho ♪
Oh, look at those gorgeous eyes.
Yours are pretty too.
(woman laughs)
- Oh my God, I'm gonna email
this to my grandmother.
She loves you.
- You have to!
- [Waitress] She absolutely loves you.
- [Dan] Oh thank you, thank you,
tell her I love her too okay?
- [Waitress] Okay.
(car rumbling)
- [Blonde Woman] Welcome
to Fantastic Burger.
May I take your order?
- Yeah, gimme a cheeseburger, curly fries,
and a Sprite.
- That's be 5.29.
Please pull forward.
(woman gasping)
- [Taxi Driver] Hey,
you all alone in there?
- [Blonde Woman] Get outta here!
- [Man In Blue Cap] What's that about?
- That guy gave me a creepy vibe.
- Andy, what do you say one more
and then we hit the dusty trail?
- What, no, no, no, no,
no, no, we just got here.
- How old are you?
- 18.
- 18, how bout you?
- [Brunette Dancer] 18.
- 18 right, just a hunch.
They're just barely
older than my daughter.
Do your parents know you work here?
- Dan, what is this?
An inquisition?
Relax, relax, have a good time.
Look, hey, I wanna introduce
you to somebody cool.
Harmonic, come on, I want
you to meet a big, big star.
Big, big star over here.
(woman screams)
- Oh my God, it's Dan the weather man!
- In the polyester!
- [Andy] Yeah it is.
- I am a huge fan.
- [Dan] Oh thank you.
- Seriously, we have
stars in here all the time
and I never get starstruck.
Yeah, Kid Rock was just
in here the other night
and I could give two shits.
Look at my hands, I'm actually shaking.
- Well, I have that effect women.
I'm told I have a face
that induces seizures.
- It would be my honor to give you
a complimentary lap dance.
- Oh, I don't think so.
- Dan, don't be a fuddy duddy.
Let the girl give ya a dance.
- Yeah, come on, Dan!
On the house.
- Oh I've never had a lap dance before
and I don't feel like, I don't.
- Hey, hey, hey, what are you, Monk?
It's a strip joint.
She's a stripper.
What are you talking about?
Don't insult the girl
when she's offering you
such a generous gift.
Let her give you the gift Dan.
- I want to, I want to.
- Oh, okay, okay.
- There you go, there you
go, that's what I'm sayin'.
Here we go, we'll drink to you.
- [Dan] Here we go.
- Have a good time, big guy.
- Wish me luck.
- To Dan!
Here we go.
- [Dan] Okay
- [Harmonic] I am so excited!
Oh my God.
- So, we gonna do this thing or what man?
- Come on man, can a frog jump?
You know what I'm sayin'.
Lemme show you some shit,
dog, that's what's up.
Booyah!
- Fuck yeah man.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Lemme have a little bite would ya?
- Ah, don't even feel bad,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Anything for my clients.
Get a little somethin', somethin'.
Just give you a little sniff right now.
Just a little taste.
- Oh, that's fuckin' good shit, man.
- Yeah, come on, this is Class A.
That's what I'm talkin' about dog.
- Thanks bro.
- Hey you be careful too out there, man.
You know what I'm sayin'?
You never know who you could
trust, you know what I mean?
Got a lotta crooked motherfuckers dog.
- All right man, it's
all there, we all there.
I gots to go man.
- All right, cool, hey, hey, hey,
there's just one more
thing I wanted to tell you
right quick, you know what I'm sayin'?
You're under arrest for the procurement
of a Class A narcotic with
the intent to distribute.
(people grunting)
Get him down!
Get him down, get him down!
Get him down!
All right you big motherfucker.
That's right, bitch.
- All right, all right.
- That's right.
- Fuck it, all right.
- That's right, huh?
Get his fuckin' hands
behind him right now.
- [Officer] Get your hands back!
- Let's go, get your fuckin' hands back.
- Get his fuckin' ass outta my face.
- Get the zip ties man.
- Quit movin' motherfucker!
- Lock this bitch up, man.
- [Officer] Fuckin' big motherfucker.
(metal clangs)
- Good work, good work.
Good work.
Good work, good work.
(peaceful music)
Good work, good work gentlemen.
♪ The rooster crows ♪
♪ Before the dawn ♪
♪ Morning's voice I know ♪
♪ Call the dark ♪
♪ And I, we're in our home ♪
♪ And fortunate by the string ♪
♪ We've spent our days in love ♪
♪ For our evenin's set in ♪
- Love is like a disease.
You're livin' life, you
know, you're pretty healthy
then you meet the chick.
She's got the fuckin' bug, man.
She's infected.
You try not to get it
but it's fuckin' airborne man.
Gets in your ears, your eyes, your nose,
then it goes through your fuckin' heart
and it starts to eat away at it.
You can get rid of it man,
but once your fuckin' heart gets it,
it needs it to survive and if it dies,
the heard dies with it.
- I gotta take a dump.
Keys?
Why are these fuckin' things
always attached to a ruler?
What, am I supposed to
measure my goddamn dick
while I'm in there?
So you're gonna be all right
if I'm out for a second to,
you ain't gonna take
your own life, is you?
- I can't promise anything.
- [Carl] All right.
(melancholy music)
♪ Willie's broken heart ♪
♪ Lonelier than light bulbs in the dark ♪
♪ Amanda broke his heart ♪
♪ Anyone can see that she is moonlight ♪
♪ Waterfalls at midnight ♪
♪ Rainbows on ♪
♪ River rocks in morning sun ♪
♪ Saw Amanda in the park ♪
♪ With another man holding her tight ♪
♪ The teardrops fill his eyes ♪
♪ 'Cause anyone can see
that she is moonlight on ♪
♪ Waterfalls at midnight ♪
♪ Rainbows on ♪
♪ River rocks in morning sun ♪
♪ But what about Willie's heart ♪
♪ But what about Willie's heart ♪
♪ But what about Willie's heart ♪
♪ But what about Willie ♪
♪ She's moonlight on ♪
♪ Waterfalls at midnight ♪
♪ Rainbows on ♪
♪ River rocks in morning sun ♪
(upbeat music)