Look (2010): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
- Previously on "Look"
- Well this is your lucky break, Kid
I'm one of the world's best 21 players.
If you wanna learn, I'll teach you.
(crowd cheering)
- Okay, Okay
- We should've shot the whole thing
to cut into a music video
- Nah man, why don't we just use the
surveillance camera footage
we'll cut that into a music video.
- He's been acting rather defiant
(children shout whilst fighting)
- Oh come on, kids bully
each other all the time
he's got a little brother
- It's becoming a problem.
- Think she might be a sex addict.
- No
she's just a big slut.
- I'm telling you, they're fuckin'.
- Check out this guy.
- Let's get him.
- Let's get him come on.
(shooting)
- Somebody shot him
- Oh God, that guy got fucked up!
- That was fucking hilarious
you guys, fuck yes.
- You see, I've been talking to you
I haven't taken my eyes off that hand
or the deck or the cards.
You've been looking at me, watching things
The last two cans we've
had we've had seven
rank cards and nine key cards.
What's the rank cards?
Five, six, seven.
Key cards
ten, jack, queen, king.
Uh
No I'll stick.
You stay on 17 'cause she
might have to stay on 17.
You should double.
- Yeah, okay I'll double.
- Double.
- All right.
- So I won on 16
Most people take a hit on 16
You know why they take a hit?
- Yep
- You know why?
- She had the
- No.
I was praying on face cards coming up
there's only three face cards.
I might get a face card
Face card will bust me.
- Right.
- [Blonde Woman] Okay that's not so bad.
- Rank cards, see the four, five?
Gotta pay attention
- Thank you.
- [Blonde Woman] What's your name?
- Tyler, what's yours?
- Angelina.
- She's pretty isn't she?
- Yeah.
- Angelina
you're very nice.
Please don't talk to him
I'm trying to teach him
if he loses you're not gonna
give me his money back are you?
I don't think so.
You like her? Take her to the bar.
You're concentrating on the cards
you wanna win
or you wanna give your
money to the casino?
- [Angelina] He's pretty serious isn't he?
- You gotta listen to me.
And cut your cell phone off.
Never have a cell phone at these tables.
Yes, I'll take a hit.
You see what I wanna
do? 17, see how it goes
now watch this.
I'm gonna hit 21. Perfect, see?
- Ah.
- Oh, well. That's all right
I'll get it next hand.
There's times where you have to push.
Now, I'm gonna push here
a lot of the money out
'cause I wanna get even.
- Back even?
- So
we'll get 10,000 a head here.
All right we're gonna double here.
Just take it like that
that's all right.
Don't count, he's in a hurry.
- [Dealer] 12.
Yeah, keep going.
- 14.
Yeah, keep going.
- 16.
- Bust. Take it.
Damn.
- Wow.
Well, this is the 11th time.
10 times, you should get up.
I didn't listen to my own rules.
- Sorry about that.
- I gotta do my thing now, I gotta get up
I'll see you next week.
See you next week kid.
- All right.
- It's okay. I mean it
just doesn't bother me
it does bother me. I'm so good.
I should not have lost.
But anyways
trying to concentrate
have a good one, Angelina.
- Bye.
- Take care
- Do what I tell you, not what I did
okay kid?
(sighs)
- Don't ever listen to him again.
- I know.
(eerie music)
(suspenseful music)
(bell rings)
♪ I waste my life ♪
♪ I waste my life ♪
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ I waste my life ♪
♪ And you don't care ♪
(bells tolling)
(chatter)
- Does anybody hear anything
do you hear bells?
- I don't hear anything
- Come in!
- Wait a second
look what's happening over there
look look.
- Oh my God.
Nothing changes, I come back
and you guys are telling
the same old fucking jokes
- Ronnie, you gotta stop it.
- I'm gonna stop as soon as I'm finished.
- Ronnie, we don't wanna hear it.
- Now wait a minute.
- We don't wanna hear anything from you.
- This is the last time I'll talk.
- Here, shove this in his mouth would you?
- Okay.
Go ahead, monopolize.
You're nothing but a
chronic, illogical liar.
- Can I examine you?
(laughter)
come over here I'd like to.
Lapster.
Feel this guy's head.
Is there anything in there?
(laughter)
- Gave you such a look.
- Whoa
- Hey ladies. Come on over here.
Hi, simply hi.
- Crazy question
you know who Clarke Gable was?
- No
- You know who he was?
- We're in high school.
- I'm in college.
- Maybe we should keep going
you are not.
- Sit right here sweetheart.
- Let me ask you a question.
Let me ask you a question
let's not kid around.
Are you wearing undies?
- What do you think?
- I don't know I'd like to find out.
That's a 50.
- She's not a hooker.
- And what's that for?
- She looks like one but she's not.
- That's for taking the panties off
and keeping them.
- What if I'm not wearing any panties?
- I'll give you 100
- I'll give you 100 for that.
- I think we should just keep walking.
- How old are you?
- Bye guys.
We're in high school.
- I need your number.
And I gotta borrow 50 bucks.
- Okay.
Wow.
- I've enjoyed this about
as much as I can stand.
(laughter)
- Who said that, you?
(laughs)
- What's so funny?
- You can record your own
audio on these greeting cards.
Listen.
Your mother is a whore.
(card repeats)
(both laugh)
See. This one.
Happy birthday fuck face.
(card repeats)
(both laugh)
- Oh my God, I wanna do it.
You're a butthole.
(card repeats)
(both laugh)
Oh my God.
(sirens wailing)
(dramatic music)
(trolley creaking)
- Piss off asshole.
I'm not giving you my money.
I work very hard for money
I'm not just gonna give it
away so you can buy crack
or crank or, whatever the fuck
you low lives are addicted to
okay? Now move along.
I'm doing you a favor by not enabling you.
Attaboy.
It's called tough love.
You'll thank me someday.
(trolley creaking)
- Hey buddy.
Sure I can help you out.
Here you go brother.
Spend it all on food now.
(intense music)
- Do you want to get killed?
- No!
- Then shut the fuck up
- Okay
- Or I'll stab your fucking throat.
- What are you girls having a party?
- Uh, no.
- 'Cause I'm having a
little party in my pants.
- [Cashier] Shut up Carl.
- What? I'm just saying.
- Shut the fuck up man.
- Fine.
- Oh
those aren't ours.
- These aren't your peas?
- No.
- Yes they are.
- No they're not.
- Well if they're not my peas
and they're not his peas
they must be herpes.
(laughs)
You get it? Her-peas.
- Ew.
- Shut the fuck up Carl.
- Fine
I guess this is some
kinda comedy free zone
or something.
- It's gotta be funny to be called comedy
now put these peas back.
- Hey, we really liked
your concert by the way
the other night.
- Yeah, it was cool.
Whoever thought of having a
concert in a convenience store
is really clever.
- Yeah that was my idea.
Hey.
You guys aren't friends with that kid
with the camcorder from
the concert are you?
(singing badly)
♪ And now I got a song ♪
♪ I'll sing it all day long ♪
- That's our friend Shane.
- That's her boyfriend.
- No it's not, shut up.
- Oh my God.
We totally need a copy of that tape.
We're cutting together
Willie's music video.
We're using surveillance footage
but we need additional footage.
So, like if I could get your number.
- Oh my God, like
we're so stupid, we're
actually gonna, like
fall for it and like
give a creep our numbers.
Yeah right.
Tell your friend to stop using your music
as an excuse to get girls numbers.
- I'm not his friend I'm his manager.
- He's not my manager, he's my assistant.
- Take it sleazy.
- You know you will.
- Oh my God like just ask me for my number
you're fucking 50 years old
your dick is probably old
and shrivelly and bald
like little raisin fucking creepy gross.
- It was disgusting.
(whistles)
- There go a couple of
heart-breakers right there
huh guys?
- Yeah more like a
couple of fart-breakers.
- Why do you gotta spoil everything?
- Spoil everything?
- Yeah man, I'm looking at their asses
and you gotta say 'fart'
Come on, when I look at sexy teenage asses
I wanna think about fuckin' not fartin'
- What do you care? You got a girlfriend.
- Shit, I'm sorry man.
What do you need?
- Box of condoms.
Ultra thin.
- No problem.
Anything else?
- Nope. That'll do it.
There you go.
Keep the bag.
I can carry it.
- Ah shit. This fucking thing.
It's stuck
just give me a second.
- Take your time.
(dramatic music)
You know, if that register's broken
I can always come back another time.
- Well that's all these
fucking rolling blackouts man
I gotta keep resetting this shit
just give me one second.
- Okay.
- Just gonna remove a button.
I'm sorry man, I'm sorry.
Ah, there we go.
Thanks.
- Excuse me, sir.
Sir?
- Yeah.
- Your Coke's.
- My bad.
Silly me.
Where's my head been lately?
Thanks officer.
- Couple of donuts here.
- It's on him. On you.
- No, it's on the house man.
It's the least I can do.
You guys saved my ass from
that wild bum the other night.
- Has that guy given
you guys anymore trouble
since the other night?
(sighs)
- That guy
harmless.
Smells bad
but he's harmless.
- Yeah, except for the
fact that he got feces
all over the food.
- You guys have a good night.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Anytime.
- Toodaloo.
(mysterious music)
(dance music)
- Is it on?
- Yeah, it's on.
And
we're gonna do Ricky Martin, okay?
- What?
- Bam bam bam bam bam.
- Bam bam bam bam bam.
- Bam bam bam bam drop.
- No you gotta pop it.
- No we're not popping it.
We're gonna go bam bam bam bam left
- Babe
- What are you doing?
- look at me.
- Bitch.
Follow my lead, I swear to God.
I'm fucking telling you what to do.
Just go
bam bam bam bam left.
Bam bam bam bam
why are you doing that?
That looks so stupid you
look like a fucking idiot.
- [Together] Bounce and
bounce and hit and slap.
- You fucked it up.
- You fucked it up.
- You're supposed to go
bam bam
bam.
- Jealous?
- Left, right, left, right
now down up
down up
- [Together] Down, up.
- I don't know what that wingspan shit is
- Pop it
- It looks fucking weird
- Pop it like a black chick
- I'm trying
- You have the booty just do it.
- Whatever, okay.
- You're so sweaty
- I know.
Still uploading.
Finally.
Okay now let's see what your
little Shane thinks of our
award-winning booty dance.
- Shut up.
Hey have you heard about that video
of the guy who gets his balls
ripped off by the chimpanzee?
Oh my God.
- So gross.
(laughs)
- What did he say?
- "Bootylicious, I just came"
- Ew!
- F for originality, perv.
This is so good.
- I could eat this all night.
- I feel really sick.
(vomiting)
My mother called yesterday.
- No way.
What did she say?
- She didn't say anything
she didn't leave a message.
I just saw her number came up.
- You didn't answer?
- Fuck no.
I don't care what she
has to say, dumb bitch.
- Where is she?
- Probably in Oregon or somewhere.
Whatever.
It's so like her to not
leave a message too.
God forbid she say
"Hi Hannah, it's mom.
Hope everything's going all right
would love to talk to you some time.
Sorry for totally fucking your life
and leaving you with that
cheesy, ball-less weather geek
of a dad of yours."
What a bitch.
- Just, rack my mind.
Where did I go wrong?
What did I do wrong?
I mean she's very responsible
she gets good grades
she's a world-class ballerina.
I mean she's really, really good.
Everything's great.
On paper.
She just hates me.
I can't figure out what I did.
- She's a teenager.
- Yeah.
- They're supposed to hate their parents.
- You see, I didn't.
- I did.
God.
Everything they said made my skin crawl.
And it wasn't 'cause of
what they were saying
it's 'cause it was them saying it.
Kids think they know everything.
(chuckles)
But you got to remember
it's tough being a teenager these days.
She's just
forming her own independence.
- Yeah I know.
Her mom didn't do her any favors
by up and abandoning us the
way she did with that logger.
Bitch.
- She fucking left.
In the middle of the night
to be with some broke
fucking Indian lumberjack with a ponytail.
I mean what the fuck is that shit?
I mean if you're gonna
leave him for some rich
good-looking Wall Street kinda guy
okay, I get it.
I mean, my dad's a fucking loser
I'd leave him too.
- I don't think your
dad's that big of a loser.
But
an Indian lumberjack?
What kind of Indian?
Dot or feather?
- Feather, obviously you moron
who ever heard of a Hindu lumberjack?
(downtempo music)
- What's your name?
- Vicky.
- [Hannah] She came to
L.A. to be an actress
and failed of course.
She was in some horrible
horror movie in the 80's
called "The Invisible Maniac"
where she shows her tits
fucks some invisible guy
and then gets killed.
She didn't make it as an actress
so she married a local weather-shmuck
and moved to the suburbs
and spat out a little fucking brat.
And I was a little brat too.
- So I bet.
- Flattery flattery.
- God, seven years have gone by like that.
(sighs)
I try to be understanding you know?
But I mean, these are the key years
where a girl needs her mom.
- Yeah.
- Well.
Still
I gotta be the parent right?
Both parents.
(sighs)
I don't know.
- You know what?
Fuck it.
Now that I think about it
I don't really give a shit.
- We should Netflix "The
Invisible Maniac" some time.
- Or not.
- Oh my God.
I look like I stuck my
finger in a light socket
it's all spiky.
- This is what Andy said he wanted
- It's ridiculous.
- This is a very popular hairstyle.
I mean, not that I think
you need hipping up
but this is what he said he wanted.
- Oh, it's all crunchy
- You're flattening it.
- There's my guy!
Ooh!
Me likey me likey, looks good.
Good job Dusty.
- Yeah I hate it
it looks like I got
attacked by a vacuum cleaner
or something.
- You kidding me?
You look 10 years younger already
own it.
Hey, you're gonna get used to it
when you start getting love
letters from lonely MILFS.
You got an earring we can give him?
- An earring?
- All right, all right, baby steps
but this is a good start, it's way hipper.
All right?
Now get out there and
knock 'em dead big guy.
- You gotta be kidding.
- No you look great get out there!
(sighs)
You're the man!
Dan is my man!
Seriously is that the best you can do?
Is there anything else we could've done?
Jesus Christ.
- Yeah.
- Vinnay!
This is sick huh?
- Oh!
(laughing)
- Skrrt!
- Do a round around the fountain
that shit will be tight.
(laughter)
- Someone help that boy out he's drowning!
(women speak in foreign language)
(phone rings)
- Hold on, my phone's ringing
here, hold my shit.
Hello?
Okay, okay. Yeah hold on.
They're here son. Hell yeah
(group shouts)
It's going down.
(upbeat hip hop music)
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Double X double X double X-L ♪
♪ This is who I am ♪
♪ This is who I be ♪
♪ This is where I go ♪
♪ This is what I see ♪
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Double X double X double X-L ♪
♪ Funky as hell with
the double X-L rhythm ♪
♪ They don't know that
the double X-L hit 'em ♪
♪ Double X-L track double X-L rap ♪
♪ Talk back get a double
X double X double X-L ♪
- So our warming trend should
last through the weekend
thanks to that beautiful tropical front
coming up from Mexico.
And speaking of Mexico
♪ Take out your sun block ♪
♪ Put on your big hat ♪
♪ The weather's gonna be so hot ♪
♪ Check out the beaches ♪
♪ Go on a nice walk ♪
♪ But kids, don't ever smoke the pot ♪
I mean it.
It's not cool to smoke pot.
You know what is cool?
Doing your homework.
Pepper.
- Thanks Dan.
And now
more on those rolling blackouts
that have affected the entire state.
The governor addressed concerns today
in a news conference
promising that this would not be a repeat
of the Great California
Energy Crisis of 2000/20001.
(eerie music)
- Excuse me miss.
Did you drop this?
(muffled screaming)
Shut your mouth
shut your fucking mouth
Stop
Stop
Stop!
(screaming)
- [Card Audio] You're a butthole.
- Well this is your lucky break, Kid
I'm one of the world's best 21 players.
If you wanna learn, I'll teach you.
(crowd cheering)
- Okay, Okay
- We should've shot the whole thing
to cut into a music video
- Nah man, why don't we just use the
surveillance camera footage
we'll cut that into a music video.
- He's been acting rather defiant
(children shout whilst fighting)
- Oh come on, kids bully
each other all the time
he's got a little brother
- It's becoming a problem.
- Think she might be a sex addict.
- No
she's just a big slut.
- I'm telling you, they're fuckin'.
- Check out this guy.
- Let's get him.
- Let's get him come on.
(shooting)
- Somebody shot him
- Oh God, that guy got fucked up!
- That was fucking hilarious
you guys, fuck yes.
- You see, I've been talking to you
I haven't taken my eyes off that hand
or the deck or the cards.
You've been looking at me, watching things
The last two cans we've
had we've had seven
rank cards and nine key cards.
What's the rank cards?
Five, six, seven.
Key cards
ten, jack, queen, king.
Uh
No I'll stick.
You stay on 17 'cause she
might have to stay on 17.
You should double.
- Yeah, okay I'll double.
- Double.
- All right.
- So I won on 16
Most people take a hit on 16
You know why they take a hit?
- Yep
- You know why?
- She had the
- No.
I was praying on face cards coming up
there's only three face cards.
I might get a face card
Face card will bust me.
- Right.
- [Blonde Woman] Okay that's not so bad.
- Rank cards, see the four, five?
Gotta pay attention
- Thank you.
- [Blonde Woman] What's your name?
- Tyler, what's yours?
- Angelina.
- She's pretty isn't she?
- Yeah.
- Angelina
you're very nice.
Please don't talk to him
I'm trying to teach him
if he loses you're not gonna
give me his money back are you?
I don't think so.
You like her? Take her to the bar.
You're concentrating on the cards
you wanna win
or you wanna give your
money to the casino?
- [Angelina] He's pretty serious isn't he?
- You gotta listen to me.
And cut your cell phone off.
Never have a cell phone at these tables.
Yes, I'll take a hit.
You see what I wanna
do? 17, see how it goes
now watch this.
I'm gonna hit 21. Perfect, see?
- Ah.
- Oh, well. That's all right
I'll get it next hand.
There's times where you have to push.
Now, I'm gonna push here
a lot of the money out
'cause I wanna get even.
- Back even?
- So
we'll get 10,000 a head here.
All right we're gonna double here.
Just take it like that
that's all right.
Don't count, he's in a hurry.
- [Dealer] 12.
Yeah, keep going.
- 14.
Yeah, keep going.
- 16.
- Bust. Take it.
Damn.
- Wow.
Well, this is the 11th time.
10 times, you should get up.
I didn't listen to my own rules.
- Sorry about that.
- I gotta do my thing now, I gotta get up
I'll see you next week.
See you next week kid.
- All right.
- It's okay. I mean it
just doesn't bother me
it does bother me. I'm so good.
I should not have lost.
But anyways
trying to concentrate
have a good one, Angelina.
- Bye.
- Take care
- Do what I tell you, not what I did
okay kid?
(sighs)
- Don't ever listen to him again.
- I know.
(eerie music)
(suspenseful music)
(bell rings)
♪ I waste my life ♪
♪ I waste my life ♪
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ I waste my life ♪
♪ And you don't care ♪
(bells tolling)
(chatter)
- Does anybody hear anything
do you hear bells?
- I don't hear anything
- Come in!
- Wait a second
look what's happening over there
look look.
- Oh my God.
Nothing changes, I come back
and you guys are telling
the same old fucking jokes
- Ronnie, you gotta stop it.
- I'm gonna stop as soon as I'm finished.
- Ronnie, we don't wanna hear it.
- Now wait a minute.
- We don't wanna hear anything from you.
- This is the last time I'll talk.
- Here, shove this in his mouth would you?
- Okay.
Go ahead, monopolize.
You're nothing but a
chronic, illogical liar.
- Can I examine you?
(laughter)
come over here I'd like to.
Lapster.
Feel this guy's head.
Is there anything in there?
(laughter)
- Gave you such a look.
- Whoa
- Hey ladies. Come on over here.
Hi, simply hi.
- Crazy question
you know who Clarke Gable was?
- No
- You know who he was?
- We're in high school.
- I'm in college.
- Maybe we should keep going
you are not.
- Sit right here sweetheart.
- Let me ask you a question.
Let me ask you a question
let's not kid around.
Are you wearing undies?
- What do you think?
- I don't know I'd like to find out.
That's a 50.
- She's not a hooker.
- And what's that for?
- She looks like one but she's not.
- That's for taking the panties off
and keeping them.
- What if I'm not wearing any panties?
- I'll give you 100
- I'll give you 100 for that.
- I think we should just keep walking.
- How old are you?
- Bye guys.
We're in high school.
- I need your number.
And I gotta borrow 50 bucks.
- Okay.
Wow.
- I've enjoyed this about
as much as I can stand.
(laughter)
- Who said that, you?
(laughs)
- What's so funny?
- You can record your own
audio on these greeting cards.
Listen.
Your mother is a whore.
(card repeats)
(both laugh)
See. This one.
Happy birthday fuck face.
(card repeats)
(both laugh)
- Oh my God, I wanna do it.
You're a butthole.
(card repeats)
(both laugh)
Oh my God.
(sirens wailing)
(dramatic music)
(trolley creaking)
- Piss off asshole.
I'm not giving you my money.
I work very hard for money
I'm not just gonna give it
away so you can buy crack
or crank or, whatever the fuck
you low lives are addicted to
okay? Now move along.
I'm doing you a favor by not enabling you.
Attaboy.
It's called tough love.
You'll thank me someday.
(trolley creaking)
- Hey buddy.
Sure I can help you out.
Here you go brother.
Spend it all on food now.
(intense music)
- Do you want to get killed?
- No!
- Then shut the fuck up
- Okay
- Or I'll stab your fucking throat.
- What are you girls having a party?
- Uh, no.
- 'Cause I'm having a
little party in my pants.
- [Cashier] Shut up Carl.
- What? I'm just saying.
- Shut the fuck up man.
- Fine.
- Oh
those aren't ours.
- These aren't your peas?
- No.
- Yes they are.
- No they're not.
- Well if they're not my peas
and they're not his peas
they must be herpes.
(laughs)
You get it? Her-peas.
- Ew.
- Shut the fuck up Carl.
- Fine
I guess this is some
kinda comedy free zone
or something.
- It's gotta be funny to be called comedy
now put these peas back.
- Hey, we really liked
your concert by the way
the other night.
- Yeah, it was cool.
Whoever thought of having a
concert in a convenience store
is really clever.
- Yeah that was my idea.
Hey.
You guys aren't friends with that kid
with the camcorder from
the concert are you?
(singing badly)
♪ And now I got a song ♪
♪ I'll sing it all day long ♪
- That's our friend Shane.
- That's her boyfriend.
- No it's not, shut up.
- Oh my God.
We totally need a copy of that tape.
We're cutting together
Willie's music video.
We're using surveillance footage
but we need additional footage.
So, like if I could get your number.
- Oh my God, like
we're so stupid, we're
actually gonna, like
fall for it and like
give a creep our numbers.
Yeah right.
Tell your friend to stop using your music
as an excuse to get girls numbers.
- I'm not his friend I'm his manager.
- He's not my manager, he's my assistant.
- Take it sleazy.
- You know you will.
- Oh my God like just ask me for my number
you're fucking 50 years old
your dick is probably old
and shrivelly and bald
like little raisin fucking creepy gross.
- It was disgusting.
(whistles)
- There go a couple of
heart-breakers right there
huh guys?
- Yeah more like a
couple of fart-breakers.
- Why do you gotta spoil everything?
- Spoil everything?
- Yeah man, I'm looking at their asses
and you gotta say 'fart'
Come on, when I look at sexy teenage asses
I wanna think about fuckin' not fartin'
- What do you care? You got a girlfriend.
- Shit, I'm sorry man.
What do you need?
- Box of condoms.
Ultra thin.
- No problem.
Anything else?
- Nope. That'll do it.
There you go.
Keep the bag.
I can carry it.
- Ah shit. This fucking thing.
It's stuck
just give me a second.
- Take your time.
(dramatic music)
You know, if that register's broken
I can always come back another time.
- Well that's all these
fucking rolling blackouts man
I gotta keep resetting this shit
just give me one second.
- Okay.
- Just gonna remove a button.
I'm sorry man, I'm sorry.
Ah, there we go.
Thanks.
- Excuse me, sir.
Sir?
- Yeah.
- Your Coke's.
- My bad.
Silly me.
Where's my head been lately?
Thanks officer.
- Couple of donuts here.
- It's on him. On you.
- No, it's on the house man.
It's the least I can do.
You guys saved my ass from
that wild bum the other night.
- Has that guy given
you guys anymore trouble
since the other night?
(sighs)
- That guy
harmless.
Smells bad
but he's harmless.
- Yeah, except for the
fact that he got feces
all over the food.
- You guys have a good night.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Anytime.
- Toodaloo.
(mysterious music)
(dance music)
- Is it on?
- Yeah, it's on.
And
we're gonna do Ricky Martin, okay?
- What?
- Bam bam bam bam bam.
- Bam bam bam bam bam.
- Bam bam bam bam drop.
- No you gotta pop it.
- No we're not popping it.
We're gonna go bam bam bam bam left
- Babe
- What are you doing?
- look at me.
- Bitch.
Follow my lead, I swear to God.
I'm fucking telling you what to do.
Just go
bam bam bam bam left.
Bam bam bam bam
why are you doing that?
That looks so stupid you
look like a fucking idiot.
- [Together] Bounce and
bounce and hit and slap.
- You fucked it up.
- You fucked it up.
- You're supposed to go
bam bam
bam.
- Jealous?
- Left, right, left, right
now down up
down up
- [Together] Down, up.
- I don't know what that wingspan shit is
- Pop it
- It looks fucking weird
- Pop it like a black chick
- I'm trying
- You have the booty just do it.
- Whatever, okay.
- You're so sweaty
- I know.
Still uploading.
Finally.
Okay now let's see what your
little Shane thinks of our
award-winning booty dance.
- Shut up.
Hey have you heard about that video
of the guy who gets his balls
ripped off by the chimpanzee?
Oh my God.
- So gross.
(laughs)
- What did he say?
- "Bootylicious, I just came"
- Ew!
- F for originality, perv.
This is so good.
- I could eat this all night.
- I feel really sick.
(vomiting)
My mother called yesterday.
- No way.
What did she say?
- She didn't say anything
she didn't leave a message.
I just saw her number came up.
- You didn't answer?
- Fuck no.
I don't care what she
has to say, dumb bitch.
- Where is she?
- Probably in Oregon or somewhere.
Whatever.
It's so like her to not
leave a message too.
God forbid she say
"Hi Hannah, it's mom.
Hope everything's going all right
would love to talk to you some time.
Sorry for totally fucking your life
and leaving you with that
cheesy, ball-less weather geek
of a dad of yours."
What a bitch.
- Just, rack my mind.
Where did I go wrong?
What did I do wrong?
I mean she's very responsible
she gets good grades
she's a world-class ballerina.
I mean she's really, really good.
Everything's great.
On paper.
She just hates me.
I can't figure out what I did.
- She's a teenager.
- Yeah.
- They're supposed to hate their parents.
- You see, I didn't.
- I did.
God.
Everything they said made my skin crawl.
And it wasn't 'cause of
what they were saying
it's 'cause it was them saying it.
Kids think they know everything.
(chuckles)
But you got to remember
it's tough being a teenager these days.
She's just
forming her own independence.
- Yeah I know.
Her mom didn't do her any favors
by up and abandoning us the
way she did with that logger.
Bitch.
- She fucking left.
In the middle of the night
to be with some broke
fucking Indian lumberjack with a ponytail.
I mean what the fuck is that shit?
I mean if you're gonna
leave him for some rich
good-looking Wall Street kinda guy
okay, I get it.
I mean, my dad's a fucking loser
I'd leave him too.
- I don't think your
dad's that big of a loser.
But
an Indian lumberjack?
What kind of Indian?
Dot or feather?
- Feather, obviously you moron
who ever heard of a Hindu lumberjack?
(downtempo music)
- What's your name?
- Vicky.
- [Hannah] She came to
L.A. to be an actress
and failed of course.
She was in some horrible
horror movie in the 80's
called "The Invisible Maniac"
where she shows her tits
fucks some invisible guy
and then gets killed.
She didn't make it as an actress
so she married a local weather-shmuck
and moved to the suburbs
and spat out a little fucking brat.
And I was a little brat too.
- So I bet.
- Flattery flattery.
- God, seven years have gone by like that.
(sighs)
I try to be understanding you know?
But I mean, these are the key years
where a girl needs her mom.
- Yeah.
- Well.
Still
I gotta be the parent right?
Both parents.
(sighs)
I don't know.
- You know what?
Fuck it.
Now that I think about it
I don't really give a shit.
- We should Netflix "The
Invisible Maniac" some time.
- Or not.
- Oh my God.
I look like I stuck my
finger in a light socket
it's all spiky.
- This is what Andy said he wanted
- It's ridiculous.
- This is a very popular hairstyle.
I mean, not that I think
you need hipping up
but this is what he said he wanted.
- Oh, it's all crunchy
- You're flattening it.
- There's my guy!
Ooh!
Me likey me likey, looks good.
Good job Dusty.
- Yeah I hate it
it looks like I got
attacked by a vacuum cleaner
or something.
- You kidding me?
You look 10 years younger already
own it.
Hey, you're gonna get used to it
when you start getting love
letters from lonely MILFS.
You got an earring we can give him?
- An earring?
- All right, all right, baby steps
but this is a good start, it's way hipper.
All right?
Now get out there and
knock 'em dead big guy.
- You gotta be kidding.
- No you look great get out there!
(sighs)
You're the man!
Dan is my man!
Seriously is that the best you can do?
Is there anything else we could've done?
Jesus Christ.
- Yeah.
- Vinnay!
This is sick huh?
- Oh!
(laughing)
- Skrrt!
- Do a round around the fountain
that shit will be tight.
(laughter)
- Someone help that boy out he's drowning!
(women speak in foreign language)
(phone rings)
- Hold on, my phone's ringing
here, hold my shit.
Hello?
Okay, okay. Yeah hold on.
They're here son. Hell yeah
(group shouts)
It's going down.
(upbeat hip hop music)
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Double X double X double X-L ♪
♪ This is who I am ♪
♪ This is who I be ♪
♪ This is where I go ♪
♪ This is what I see ♪
♪ Funky as hell ♪
♪ Double X-L ♪
♪ Double X double X double X-L ♪
♪ Funky as hell with
the double X-L rhythm ♪
♪ They don't know that
the double X-L hit 'em ♪
♪ Double X-L track double X-L rap ♪
♪ Talk back get a double
X double X double X-L ♪
- So our warming trend should
last through the weekend
thanks to that beautiful tropical front
coming up from Mexico.
And speaking of Mexico
♪ Take out your sun block ♪
♪ Put on your big hat ♪
♪ The weather's gonna be so hot ♪
♪ Check out the beaches ♪
♪ Go on a nice walk ♪
♪ But kids, don't ever smoke the pot ♪
I mean it.
It's not cool to smoke pot.
You know what is cool?
Doing your homework.
Pepper.
- Thanks Dan.
And now
more on those rolling blackouts
that have affected the entire state.
The governor addressed concerns today
in a news conference
promising that this would not be a repeat
of the Great California
Energy Crisis of 2000/20001.
(eerie music)
- Excuse me miss.
Did you drop this?
(muffled screaming)
Shut your mouth
shut your fucking mouth
Stop
Stop
Stop!
(screaming)
- [Card Audio] You're a butthole.